"waa...waaa...waaaa" Daniel's high pitched cry startled Cristina out of her deep sleep. She immediately sat up and turned towards the sound. Owen had lifted their son out of the hospital crib and was carrying him towards her, cooing and rocking him as he walked. Daniel continued to scream, his tiny face contorted with tears and his little hands balled into fists.
"I think he is hungry." Owen informed Cristina, almost apologetically. She had looked so beautiful and peaceful sleeping. About half an hour earlier, as soon as Daniel had began to snore, Owen had carefully unwrapped himself from Cristina, slid off the bed, placed his son in the crib and sat down in the rocking chair delighting in the simple pleasure of just watching the 2 most precious people in his world.
Pulling a pillow put from behind her back and placing it across her lap, Cristina held her arms open for Owen to place Daniel in. Knowing that his hunger was about to be sated, Daniel's cries turned into whimpers as he foraged at his mother's chest for the source of his craving.
Unhooking the front of the nursing vest and freeing her left breast, Cristina gently turned her son's stomach towards her, just as she had read in the many baby books she had poured over during pregnancy in her spare moments away from work, and guided his mouth towards her nipple.
"That's it! Clever boy." Wincing slightly as he latched on first time and began to suck furiously, Cristina looked up to see Owen gazing at her wistfully.
"What?" Cristina asked softly, stretching out a hand towards him. She missed the feel of him and wanted to connect him to the feeding of their son for the first time.
"I think you look beautiful." Owen's voice was full of love, as he moved forwards and clasped her hand in his, taking it to his mouth and planting a light kiss on her finger tips. His love made Cristina want to be excellent at everything that came with being a mother. He believed so fiercely in her capabilities and she did not want to let him down. He had once told her that mistakes were how you learn and boy had she. The mistakes she had made with Owen, nearly loosing him all together, had taught her the most important lesson she had ever had to learn- she could not breathe or live without him. She had finally found 2 things she loved so much, her husband and their son, and she was going to cling on tighter and tighter and never let them go.
Daniel had relaxed into a slower, deeper sucking motion and Cristina felt content to sit for as long as it took to satisfy this little boy. She had thought that breastfeeding would feel weird, what woman really wanted a toothless mouth sucking away for hours on end! But it didn't, it felt like the most natural thing in the world- it made her feel complete almost, knowing that she was the only one that could give Daniel exactly what he needed at that moment. He had chosen her to be his mother, they knew everything about each other and yet had years ahead to find out more. A fleeting thought danced across her consciousness. She could not imagine this same scene feeling like this with Burke. It would have been stifling; she would have been terrified of failure, just as she was in the aftermath of the shooting. But with Owen it felt liberating- she was containing more than she ever thought possible and Daniel had tied their lives together even tighter than the wedding bands they had exchanged over a year earlier. She smiled down at the sweet little boy, his eyes closed and his tiny fingers resting on the soft skin of her breast as he ate. She gently stroked his hair, reassuring both him and herself with her touch that he was just where he was meant to be.
"Can you go and get me some coffee, decaf remember, and something to eat? I am starving!" What with the transplant and the labour, she remembered that she and not actually eaten in about 20 hours.
Not wanting to leave his little family for even a second, Owen felt a wrench of separation anxiety in his heart.
"Ok, but don't you two go anywhere." He bent down and dropped a kiss on Daniel's head, being careful not to disturb the feed he was obviously enjoying. "I will be as quick as I can" Owen punctuated these words with soft, grazing kisses on Cristina's lips.
Just before he opened the door to head towards the cafeteria, Owen turned back to take in once more the view of his beautiful wife feeding their perfect son.
20 minutes later, Cristina had just finished burping Daniel and had climbed off the bed to place him back in the crib when Owen came back with 2 cups of coffee and a bag of sandwiches and snacks, which he placed on the bedside cabinet
"Come here." Cristina got up out of the rocking chair she had been sitting in and indicated for Owen to sit down. "I want to make the most of this time with just you." She climbed onto his lap, placed her arms around his neck and curled down into his arms. Owen squeezed his wife's tiny body into his and rocked the chair back and forth slowly.
Cristina ate her sandwich and savoured the hot cup of coffee as she let her husband's warmth envelop her. This was probably one of the most perfect lunch dates she had shared with Owen, just the 2 of them curled up together enjoying the quiet and the closeness as they could just be together in companionable silence. They both noticed each other stealing little glances over to check on their son, still dreaming happily in the crib.
"How are you feeling?" Owen asked as he rubbed her back softly with one hand and her thigh with the other.
"I'm ok, tired and a bit sore but I'm happy." Cristina smiled at her husband and leaned her head up towards his. "You know what would make me feel better though?"
"Enlighten me!" Owen smirked kissing the end of her nose.
"This!" Cristina took her husband's face in the palms of her hands and kissed him tenderly. She slipped her tongue between his lips to deepen the kiss. She wanted to remember what Cristina and Owen were outside of being parents, to feel all the passion they had for each other and the love that had moulded together to produce this beautiful baby.
After a few more moments of enjoying their physical conversation they broke away. Cristina rested her head on Owen's shoulder and adjusted herself into a more comfortable position on his lap.
"Promise me, we won't forget about this once we are in the middle of dirty diapers, sleepless nights and all the other parts of being a parent that make you forget who you are or the things you had to enjoy to make the baby in the first place!" Cristina's tone was slightly forced, she was trying to sound as if she was joking but a small part of her was scared that Owen would forget her. She had waited so long to find him and then fought so hard to be with him, that to loose what they had built, even to their son, made her heart ache and she feared if it happened it would break into a thousand shards that could never be put back together.
"Never! Even if I was dying I would use my dying breath to kiss you or make love to you. I promise." Owen kissed Cristina's forehead, imprinting his word on her body. "I will always make time for us. You have given me everything I have ever wanted and I will spend everyday for the rest of my life thanking you for that. I love you."
Knowing that he was a man of his word, she felt instantly safe. It was as if his words were like protective armour. They armed her against the attack of her own fears and self doubt and strengthened her resolve to be nothing short of excellent.
"And I love you." 4 simple words, simply said but deeply meant.
"Knock, knock!" Meredith's voice sing songed quietly from behind the door. She gently pushed it open to reveal Zola wriggling in her arms, holding a small blue teddy bear in her chubby fist. Catching sight of the couple snuggled up in the rocking chair, Meredith felt like she was intruding on an intensely private moment. "Sorry, we don't want to interrupt, we can come back later."
Cristina smiled and beckoned for her best friend to enter the room. "Don't be silly, come on."
Cristina pushed herself out of Owen's lap and Owen stood up behind her. Zola giggled as Owen came towards them and she stretched her arms out for her Uncle to take her.
"Come on gorgeous girl." Owen cooed as he settled her onto his hip. Zola tickled her fingers on his chin and both of them smiled. "Shall we go and meet Daniel? Yes?" Zola let out a little woop of delight as Owen gently jiggled her side to side.
Meredith, lightly laughing at how in love Zola was with Owen, had made her way over to the crib with Cristina and Daniel's eyes widened to take her in. He knew that the dark haired woman was his mother, the blonder one he wasn't so sure about. He didn't know who she was but he knew she was someone special.
"Can I?" Meredith asked, itching to hold her godson.
"Of course!" Cristina reached down to scoop up her son and kissed his cheek before she transferred him into Meredith's arms.
"Hi...hi Daniel. I'm your Aunt Meredith." she bent her head to breathe in his scent. He smelled of baby shampoo and newness. He looked just like Cristina, but had Owen's cheekbones and you could tell from his long limbs that he would eventually dwarf his tiny mother.
Owen had bought Zola up close so she could see the tiny little man squirming in her mother's arms. "Look Zola, this is Daniel." Meredith tilted Daniel up so he was face to face with Zola.
Zola looked quizzically at the baby and pushed the teddy bear towards him.
Cristina took the bear from her tight grip, telling her god daughter, "Daniel is too little to hold it, but shall we put it here in his bed?" Placing the bear at the head of the crib she looked back at Zola to check for her approval. Zola clapped her hands together, letting Cristina know she was ok with it!
"Well, he is beautiful! You did a great job, Cristina." Meredith sat down on the side of the bed and squeezed the little boy close to her. Cristina sat down next to her and rested her head on her best friend's shoulder.
Owen sensing that the now not so twisted mother's needed a minute, walked towards the door. "I am going to take the other woman in my life to get some candy. You 2 spend some time with Daniel."
"Thank you." Cristina mouthed the words silently to her husband. He caught them and mouthed back "no problem," and he and Zola went off to see if the vending machine was still working.
"I have to admit I am glad that I didn't have to do the whole baby coming out of me thing!" Meredith's honesty made Cristina laugh.
"He was worth it! And I am nothing but hardcore, you are all soft core going the easy adoption route!" Cristina knew that the joke would not upset her person. Meredith had never been happier than when she was with Zola and she laughed out loud that even after labour Cristina's dry wit was as sharp as ever.
"Are you happy?" Daniel had fallen asleep again and Meredith got up to gently place him back in the cot. She moved the teddy bear under his tiny hand and pulled the blanket up over him.
"I can honestly say that I now know what it feels like to be a shiny, happy person like April Kepner! I feel totally whole, which is weird because I thought surgery and Owen were enough but now I know that without Daniel part of me would have been empty. It is like the icicle made a hole that only Daniel could fill. You know?"
"I do. I totally do." Meredith lay back on the bed and Cristina joined her. The best friends, heads touching, holding hands just lay together as they had numerous times before in the 8 years they had known each other. But this time they weren't in the dark and twisty place, they were both in the light.
"You know that Zola and Daniel are going to get married and have a tortured, on again off again relationship, just like we have had with their fathers, right?"
"Seriously?" Cristina flicked the remote at the TV and a baby cartoon leapt of the screen and filled the room with the inane jingle about mickey mouse.
Meredith lightly nudged Cristina in the ribs and told her the absolute truth of the situation, "seriously!"