Flirting with Danger part 6
Roy made a plan. He would arrange for Joanne's sister to come and stay with the kids for a couple of days while he and Joanne took off somewhere. He would start right away with the back rubs, and maybe some flowers…
At first Joanne was rather suspicious of Roy's changed behaviour, but he told her that it was a plan that he and Neil had come up with together to help him get that change of perspective she had been talking about, and she seemed satisfied with the explanation.
At the end of the week, Joanne's sister arrived with her two kids, and Roy asked her to pack up an overnight bag for him and Joanne. He had booked a hotel downtown – not too far away, because it wasn't the place that mattered so much as the opportunity to be alone together. They had dinner in the restaurant of the hotel, Joanne wearing a lovely new green dress that brought out the colour of her eyes, and Roy in a pale blue shirt, tie and blazer. His sling was packed, just in case, but he didn't intend to use it.
As the waitress lit the candle on their table, Joanne smiled at her husband. "I am really liking this new perspective of yours." He smiled back at her, but he was starting to feel a bit nervous. This evening, at some point, he would be telling her about Susan….and he honestly had no idea how she would react, despite all their years together.
They both ordered the steak; Joanne cut it up for him because of his arm, and they smiled at each other in rueful appreciation of the situation. The owner of the restaurant stopped by while they were eating, to see if they were enjoying themselves. "Yes, everything is perfect," said Joanne. Roy nodded and smiled, but he wondered if his idea was a good one after all. Would she feel cheated of this nice experience if he told her tonight? Maybe he should let it go…
They went for a walk in the moonlight, and Joanne clung to his side. He leaned on her instead of his cane, and felt her support in the arm that was wrapped around his waist, gently lifting him. Suddenly, it felt to him as if he was lying to her by walking with her like this while holding onto his secret, and he said, "Let's go back to our room, honey." She smiled with anticipation, thinking that this was the reason for their getaway – quality time together without any children to disrupt them. Roy stifled a sigh – would she still want to be close when he told her? Could she ever forgive him?
In their room, Joanne said, "I'll just go to the bathroom, and…"
Roy shook his head 'no'. "Please don't go yet, Jo. I have something I really want to say to you." She looked at him, confused. "I just want you to come and sit with me, here." He patted the bed.
"This is part of that perspective thing?" she asked as she sat down beside him. He nodded. "Okay…."she said.
"Joanne, a while ago something happened."
This time she nodded, "Yeah, I've been aware for a while that something was going on with you."
He felt a twinge of fear. "What do you mean?"
Joanne sighed. "How many years have I known you? How many years have we been together? I do know when something has changed, you know."
Again he asked, "What do you know?" His heart was in his throat.
"I don't consider myself to be a stupid person, Roy. I may be overtired, but I pay attention. I decided that I couldn't do anything about whatever is going on until you were ready, and so I'll just carry on the best way I can." She didn't look at him, and he just waited for her to continue.
Finally, she turned toward him and elaborated, "You were taking off by yourself a lot when you were home. You mentioned a rescue that bothered you. We met a gorgeous woman in the park who seemed very interested in you. After you got injured, you met with our minister." She looked him in the eyes. "I didn't put it all together right away, and I'm not sure I want to even now, but if you have something you want to say, well, then, you're right, now is a good time."
He took a deep breath. "That woman…."
"Susan St John."
He was surprised and not a little shocked that Joanne had remembered her name. "Uh, yeah…"
"What about her?"she asked.
Roy wondered at this woman sitting beside him. He suddenly felt like he didn't really know her as well as he had believed. She obviously knew a lot but had stoically chosen to hold everything close until he was ready – there was strength within her of which he hadn't been aware.
"She was the woman in the rescue I told you about."
"The one that bothered you." Again he nodded. "Go on."
"She, uh, she…"
His wife took over, "She thought you were very kind and probably wished she knew you better."
It felt like he was just nodding while Joanne put the pieces together. He corroborated, "Yes, she did. So she started calling me all the time. Even at the hospital. And…"
Joanne closed her eyes. Roy looked at her with trepidation – what was she thinking? After a moment she opened her eyes again, looked at him directly and asked with all the courage at her command, "Are you in love with her?"
He was totally taken aback by the question. "Uh, no, actually, no…" he trailed off, the realization hitting him at the same time as he said the words; he was not in love with Susan. It was all chemical and nothing more. He almost laughed in relief. "No, Joanne, I really don't love anyone but you." It was like coming out from behind a dark rain cloud into the bright sunshine. "I only love you." He felt as if he had just been released from some prison he didn't even know he was in.
Although she could see all this as it appeared on his face, as he reached for her, she stopped him. "Wait." Uh, oh. His heart fell. "I need to know," she declared.
"Anything, Jo; no more secrets."
"Did you meet her?"
His voice was barely audible as he said, "Yes."
"More than once?" He nodded. Joanne steeled herself to ask the next question – the one she didn't want to know, but had to know if she was going to continue living with this man. "Were you intimate with her?"
Roy hesitated. He hadn't slept with her, but things had gotten pretty intense. Joanne's eyes got wide as he didn't answer right away. She started to breathe faster, and fear rose on her face. He saw her reaction and said, "No, no, sweetheart! I didn't…we didn't….I wouldn't…"
Her suspicions were aroused. "Wouldn't what, Roy? Didn't what?"
"I didn't sleep with her."
"But something happened between you." She stated it as a fact.
Slowly, he nodded, "Yeah. We, uh, we kissed."
"Just kissed?"
"A bit more than that."
Her chin started to quiver and her eyes started to fill with tears. She turned away from him, and he reached out to her, "Joanne, honey…"
She rose and walked away from him, saying, "Don't touch me, Roy. Not now." He stayed where he was, and watched her as she went over to the window, noticing her chest rising and falling quickly, her hands balling into fists…
"What were you thinking?" she spoke so quietly that he could barely hear her.
"I wasn't thinking, Jo."
She nodded in agreement and then continued, "I thought I knew you, Roy, but the man I thought I knew could never have done this. So who are you?" She turned to look at him, and the sorrow and pain in her eyes nearly made him cry.
"I don't know myself, anymore. But I know the man I want to be. And that's your husband, Joanne. I don't want anyone else but you."
"Except for sex, maybe? Me for the kids and the home, Miss St John for the roll in the hay?"
It hurt, a lot, to have her say that, but she was justified. "Not even for that. I can't explain it, really, and I've tried to make sense of it – the only thing I can tell you is that I was attracted to her physically, and she was to me, and it was very flattering…"
"I'm sure it was." She sighed, deeply. "Oh, Roy."
"Yeah?" he asked nervously.
"Have you broken it off with her?"
"Yeah, the last time I saw her was before my accident."
"Is that because you ended it, or because she just didn't come around anymore when you got hurt?"
"I told her I wouldn't see her anymore."
Joanne was silent, and stood at the window, looking out with unseeing eyes. After a very long minute, she turned to him again. "How can I trust that what you're telling me is true?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've lied to me, Roy, by your actions if not in actual words. How can I believe in you? How can I believe in us?" She began pacing with her arms folded tightly across her chest, as if she was protecting her heart. Her voice rose. "Did you think about me, about us, your family, at all?"
Without giving him time to answer, she continued, "Behind my back, Roy! While I was waiting for you at home! I've invested so many years in us…so many nights praying that you would be safe, so many days planning what I could do to make you happy. I've spent most of my life waiting for you and the first opportunity that comes you're off sneaking around with another woman." She stood in front of him, while he sat on the bed. "That's what this is, isn't it? The flowers, the hotel – you're trying to appease your guilty conscience!"
Roy replied quietly, "I'm trying to make it up to you."
"Am I part of some checklist then that you and Reverend Neil cooked up between you?"
"No, never! I screwed up – and as much as I'd like to erase the past, I can't. The only thing I can do is tell you I am so very sorry and I will do my very best to never let anything like this happen again. And that I love you and I want to…"
She interrupted him, "You know what I miss, Roy? We used to be friends. I feel like I've not only lost my husband and my lover – I've lost my closest friend. Do friends treat each other like this? You say you love me – do lovers do this to someone they love?"
"No, please, Jo, don't say that. I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to win your trust again."
Joanne was silent for a moment; then she said wistfully, "I know I'm not beautiful or sexy…"
Roy interjected, "You are to me!"
"…and I know it's not fun at home right now."
"I don't care about that! We can get through this Jo! We have to." The desperation in his voice was evident.
Joanne sighed and sat down again beside him. "I guess I need to get to know you."
Roy nodded, "Give me another chance to be that best friend again."
Joanne relaxed her stiff protective shell the tiniest bit, and leaned into him tentatively. "Roy, I am so afraid."
Roy wrapped his arms around her, and whispered, "I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere else. Ever."
Her tears finally began to fall, and he held her close.
Roy went back to work several weeks later. Johnny was really glad to see him, especially after having spent almost two months with a series of temporary partners, and planned a guys' night out in celebration. "Sorry, Johnny, I can't," Roy said as he did up his uniform shirt.
'Why not? It's been, like, forever since we just hung out. C'mon, Roy, it'll be fun!"
"Yeah, I know, but I'm not available."
"What's up?"
"Well, if you must know, I've got a hot date."
"You've got a what?"
"A hot date, with a very beautiful woman."
As usual, Chet's timing was impeccable, as he entered the room and caught the last comment. "You, Roy? No way! Is it that chick who kept calling for you all those times before you got injured?"
Johnny scoffed, "C'mon, get real, Chet. Roy's a married man. He doesn't have a hot date; he's just yankin' us around."
"Well, you're both wrong," said Roy as he firmly closed his locker door.
"So, who's this beautiful woman you're talking about?" asked Chet. "That nurse that was interested in you at Rampart?"
Roy smiled enigmatically, and left the room. The two men followed him out, rapt with curiosity. He went and got himself a coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. "All right, Roy. You can't do this to us. Who's your date?" demanded Chet.
"A gorgeous woman with the most incredible eyes. She's very sweet, and she wants to get to know me better."
"Aw, man, he's just pulling your leg, Chet. Y'know, Roy, if you don't want to hang out with me, just say so."
"I do want to hang out with you, Johnny; it's just that this date is very important to me." Roy smiled at the other two men. "And I'm planning on having a lot more of them, so my schedule is going to be pretty tight." Their baffled expressions finally broke through his resistance, and he said, "The truth?"
"Well, heck, yeah!'
"I'm seeing my wife. We're dating."
"That's nuts, Roy. You live with her."
"So what? A nice dinner, a romantic movie - it does wonders for a relationship, you'd be surprised."
"You're crazy. He's crazy," John commented to Chet. Captain Stanley wandered into the room, and Johnny asked him, "Don't you think Roy's crazy, Cap? He says he's dating his wife."
"Is that right? Well, John, I actually think that sounds like a very good thing to do. I don't think he's crazy, I think he's very smart." He raised his coffee cup in a salute to Roy. "Good job, Roy. I hope you have a wonderful time."
Roy smiled, "I'm sure I will."
"Waste of time," muttered Chet under his breath, "he's already married to her."
"Spoken like a true bachelor, Chester B," said Cap. He and Roy smiled at each other with complete understanding, while Johnny and Chet looked at them, baffled.
End
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