Authors note: just want to thank everyone for the reviews! Just wanted to respond to a couple of points from some of them. I am writing what I would like to see happen to this couple. This is a work of fiction, the situations are imagined in my head or written at the request of others reading them. The sex scenes are in no way commenting that all pregnant women are nymphomaniacs! I have 2 children of my own and whilst both my labours have been long (52 hours and 12 hours respectively!) i have friends who have had short first labours so it does happen. Both my children were very alert at 6 weeks, I believe babies to have an inner world that they express through crying etc, so writing from Daniel's perspective was a vehicle for exploring that!
Hope you all continue to read and review! (tweet me too if you want HannahAdsmtih) Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it, but if you don't you can tell me that too! Much love
Chapter 28: the first day back…
Monday morning dawned like so many Seattle mornings- wet and grey! The 5am alarm was defunct as both Owen and Cristina had been woken by their son an hour earlier. Deciding they may as well get up and start their new getting ready to go to work routine, Owen had made them both breakfast as Cristina had fed and dressed Daniel.
Today Owen's mom was coming over to look after Daniel. Cristina knew that if Daniel was in daycare today she would not be able to focus on being a doctor. She needed to hit the ground running, there were fellowships at stake. She had to admit to herself that she was finding the thought of being away from Daniel all day, after being with him for the past 10 weeks, hard to reconcile. She had wanted this, to go back to work, and now she actually had to do it.
It was Owen's first day as Interim Chief and he was anxious. He knew how much the staff loved and respected Richard. He remembered how difficult it had been for Derek when he had taken the job. He knew the circumstances were different; Richard was not going to be in the hospital for the next month, so he guessed he would not have to try to lead while walking in the true Chief's shadow. There would be no big announcement, Richard had told the hospital on Friday before he left, Owen just wanted to get on with the job of saving lives. Just a change of office as far as he was concerned.
With both doctors showered and changed, Owen went to pick up his mother and Cristina took the time to say her farewell's to the tiny love of her life.
"Now Daniel. I need you to understand. Mummy needs to be a surgeon so she can be the best mummy she can be for you. When you are older you will get it, you will find things you love so much that to let them go would feel like dying a little bit. Like I love you, like I love Daddy, like I love surgery." She felt overwhelmed with emotions as she spoke into her son's ear, his tiny hands in their familiar place in her curls and his nose on her neck. "I will be thinking about you every minute and I promise I will be back, so this is not goodbye it is just see you later."
Daniel cooed softly as his mother kissed his cheek tenderly, imprinting all her love and protection for the day ahead onto him.
The beep of the truck horn cut into the moment and Cristona and Daniel descended the stairs to meet Susan and Owen. She handed the baby to her mother in law and briefly explained where everything was, she kissed her son again and watched the grandmother and grandson disappear in to the firehouse as she climbed into the passenger seat next to her husband.
"Ready to go?" Owen reached across and squeezed her hand on his. As she turned TP look at him, her eyes heavy with unshed tears and her lip quivering with indecision, he smiled softly at his wife, wanting to help her feel confident she was doing what was best for her and in turn best for Daniel.
Nodding, as much to convince herself as much as her husband, she blew out her breathe and said, "Let's go Chief Hunt!"
Cristina and the other residents were waiting in the locker room for April, the Chief Resident, to come and give out their assignments. Everyone had been glad to se her and asked the standard questions about the baby, how did she feel being back, was she still addicted to cardio. She had answered, noting to herself that it was nice to feel part of the group again, although Meredith wasn't there today, she had to meet with the FDA over the trial business. Cristina made a mental note to call her tonight to find out how it went.
Absentmindedly, Cristina fiddled with the hem of her scrub top. The material felt alien, she had got used to wearing her own clothes everyday. The uniformity of everyone looking exactly the same yet she was so different made her feel like she was in a twilight zone. Still waiting for April, she gave herself a mental kick up the butt, You can do this Cristina. You were born to cut!
"Okey dokey, everyone assignments!" April breezed into the locker room, clipboard in hand. "Jackson you are with Dr Torres in ortho, Alex paeds with Dr Robbins, I am doing paperwork, Dr Grey is out today." she looked at the clipboard to check she had covered everything. "oh sorry. Welcome back Dr Yang, you are with Dr Altman in cardio. Ok have a great day everyone!"
The other residents followed April out onto the halls of the hospital and split off to their various areas. They would be sure to cross paths over the course of the day either in the ER, the OR or the place with the food.
Cristina hung back and shook her head. That girl was way too perky! She pulled out her mobile to see a text message from Susan, she hastily opened it:
To save you a call, Daniel is absolutely fine- fed, changed and sleeping! Sxx
Smiling at how well her mother in law knew her already and at the fact that Daniel was still in his routine without her she got up and pulled on her lab coat, took a look at her professional self in the mirror, turned on her heel and went off to be a cardio god for the day until she went back to being a mum this evening.
Cristina had literally just found Teddy at the nurse's station up in the cardio wing when both their pagers sprung into action simultaneously.
BEEP...BEEP... 911 the ER.
Cristina set off at a run down the hall, Teddy a few paces behind, and almost leapt into the elevator and hitting the button to carry them towards what she hoped was her first opportunity of the day to scrub into the place she had craved for the past 10 weeks.
Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that greeted her when they entered the trauma room containing her husband, Dr Bailey, Dr Robbins, Dr Karev, Dr Torres and Dr Avery.
The six doctors were all working furiously pushing in IVs, hanging bags of blood, taking x rays and blood, each shouting out orders and informing the others of what they were finding during their individual exams.
There was a woman about Cristina's age howling that she wasn't leaving and sobbing in the arms of Nurse Tyler in the corner.
Swallowing hard, she felt bile rise up in her throat and her stomach lurched as she moved closer to the exam table and caught a birds eye view of the patient and the true extent of the injuries, Cristina asked professionally, "What do we have?"
Owen, as the doctor running the case filled her in, "Isabella Harrison, aged 5. Unrestrained backseat passenger in MVC, unconscious since being cut out of car. Ultrasound indicates that abdominal organs have been forced into the chest cavity, internal bleeding and cardiac contusion, lacerations to the face and neck, waiting for Sloane to consult, and 2 broken legs."
Cristina, picked up the bag of blood being offered to any doctor available by the ER nurse and hung it in the rapid infuser. She looked down at the fragile little girl taking up only just half of the gurney. She was battered and bruised, her little hands flat against the sheet, her long blond hair highlighted with blood, her darker blonde eyelashes keeping her unconscious eyes shielded from the view of this horrifying reality.
"I was driving, I didn't know...I didn't know she had unclipped herself from the car seat...I didn't know!" Her mother was screaming to be heard above the medicine, she needed the doctors to know it was an accident. She would never knowingly hurt her child!
"Dr Yang, I am trying to listen to the heart. Deal with it!" Teddy was brusque, they needed to move quickly before this little girl let go of her tentative grip on life.
Cristina slid behind Avery and Bailey and took hold of the mother's arms and shook her quite forcefully, " look at me, look at me." Cristina demanded. "We know. Ok? It was an accident, we know, now we need you to let us do our job. Ok?"
The mother nodded, panting and gasping for air, trying to regulate her ragged breathing.
"What is your name?" Cristina urged. "We need to take a look at your injuries."
"Melanie." she wiped her eyes and sniffed composing herself as best she could.
"Ok Melanie. Nurse Tyler is going to take you next door and get a doctor to come and take a look alright?."
Too weak with worry to resist, Melanie allowed herself to be led away, casting a prayer up to God, begging him to keep her little girl safe, safer than she had been able to.
"Good work Yang!" Teddy was sincere in her praise for her resident, she had never really credited Cristina with that much compassion- surgical skill certainly but bedside manner not so much.
Amid the chaos of the trauma, Owen was wondering what his own son was doing. He had intended to call home but had not had any time. He knew he was safe with his grandmother but seeing this little girl, helpless and hurt, made him long to be near him. He thought it must be worse for Cristina, she had been with him every minute of every day for the last 10 weeks. Owen had seen how affected she and been by this patient when she entered the trauma room and how she had dealt so sensitively with her mother. Cristina knew how fiercely Melanie had wanted to protect Isabella, they were the same. They were both mother's who would do anything to take any pain away from their children. Motherhood had changed his wife in ways he never imagined he would see in her professional life. She had always been and always would be a once in a generation talent as a surgeon but now as a doctor she had that deeper layer of empathy and compassion. He hoped she could see it too. Glancing over to where Cristina was writingTeddy's orders in the chart he knew that the pride he felt in his wife now was nothing to the pride he was going to feel when she achieved all she wanted in her career. He knew it wasn't a matter of if, it was only a matter of when.
His head back in the trauma, every second critical in the decision as to whether this little girl's journey ended today or had the chance to go on in the years ahead, Owen bellowed, "Let's go! OR2! MOVE!"
Surgery is like gambling. Stakes are high. The losses are huge but those gains, the wins are pure adrenaline. The surgeon wins, then gambles again, bets big, all in on the next game, Tue surgeon always plays red, aiming to walk away the victor, to snatch the prize-the life- back from the black- back from death. The roulette wheel turns. One miscalculation and the house of cards comes crashing down, leaving only pain and grief. They play to win, they sometimes hate the game, but to win they have to keep playing.
Teddy and Cristina walked out of OR2 three hours later. The cardio part of the procedure was over, the tiny heart was stable. Now it was up to Owen and Bailey to repair the multiple crush injuries and reposition the organs in the abdomen and Callie, with Jackson as assist, to fix her shattered legs. Arizona and Alex were still on hand as the paeds consult, at Owen's request.
As they pulled back the doors to the surgical waiting room, Isabella's anxious mother dashed towards them, desperately needing them to say her little girl was still fighting to live.
"How is she...is she..." Melanie was hysterical, the surgeons faces looked so serious. "please, no..."
"Her heart is stable. Dr Yang here and I were able to fix the tear. We now just have to wait for Dr Hunt to try to repair the internal injuries caused by the impact of the crash and Dr Torres to work on her legs. She is holding on." Teddy explained, "she is still critical but she's still with us."
Letting out a breath of not so much of relief but as resignation, Melanie sank down in the chair nearest to her and buried her throbbing head in her hands.
Teddy squeezed her shoulder and turned to walk back to the cardio wing, she had other surgeries slated for this afternoon and she needed to prep with her resident and the cardio fellow.
Hesitating momentarily, Cristina looked at the figure of a mother- totally alone and totally bereft at the thought that the person she had bought in to the world could be slipping away. "I am going to stay with her until they finish the surgery. Can you find someone else to scrub in on the valve replacement?"
Teddy nodded, thinking to herself, Wow, Cristina Yang, giving up surgery! Motherhood had changed her!
Cristina sat down next to Melanie. She didn't try to initiate a conversation, she just allowed her physical presence to speak to Melanie, telling her she was not alone.
"Do you have kids Dr Yang?" The silence was broken by Melanie's tear filled whispered.
"Yes I do. One. A son. Daniel. He is 10 weeks old, today is my first day back at work actually." Cristina spoke conversationally, not sure if the woman was taking it in but just trying to gently fill the worried silence.
"Do you have a picture of him? I need the distraction! I have never been good at waiting." Melanie half heartedly tried to laugh at her own faults but the tears kept silently falling.
Cristina reached into her lab coat to pull out the pocket book that contained drug conversions and medicine lists, tucked in the back was a photograph of Owen sitting on their couch holding Daniel on his chest.
"he is beautiful." Melanie gave a weak smile remembering her daughter being that small, totally reliant on her to meet her needs. Somehow when she had seen her on that exam table hours earlier she had appeared even smaller than a baby, dwarfed by the imprints of damage from the car.
"Thank you." Cristina felt her heart swell with pride at the compliment of her child. This feeling was followed quickly by sorrow- how would she cope if this was her? If her son was lying alone on an operating table, while doctors spoke impersonal medical speak over his tiny helpless body?
"Dr Hunt is your husband? That is him in the photograph?" Melanie tilted her head to try to piece the puzzle together in her head. She did better when she could identify who was who in situations she was talking about.
"Yes, yes it is."
"Would you tell me about him?" Cristina looked puzzled at the request, no patient's family had ever asked her a question like it before. "I think it might help me, you know, to know who the person is with his hands in my daughter's body...sorry, forget it...I don't mean to..." Melanie was embarrassed. This doctor probably thought she was totally deranged.
Cristina cut her off and began to talk, it was a subject that came easy. "Dr Hunt, Owen, is a great surgeon. He was a major in the army, he served in Iraq as a trauma surgeon, so believe me when I tell you he has given many injured sons and daughters back to their mother's and on those times he couldn't he has fought as hard as he could right to the very end to try. He will do everything, he will give your daughter everything he has to try and give her back to you. "
"Thank you." Melanie felt calmer knowing that her daughter's doctor was a good man, it gave her hope to hold onto. "So, the army... he is a real life hero then?"
"I guess he is." It was Cristina's turn to pray. She prayed that Owen's surgical skills would not desert him today, she prayed that he could give this mother her daughter back. Be the hero Owen, please be the hero today!
4 hours past with. O news. Cristina had gone to the cafeteria to get herself and Melanie coffee, she had persuaded Melanie to walk with her assuring her that she would let the OR know to page her if they had news. No page came as they sat on the bench outside Seattle Grace Mercy West watching visitors and ambulances coming and going. They walked back inside and sat again in the waiting room, Melanie telling Cristina about her daughter.
His green scrub cap came into view as he turned the corner from the OR and reached out for the door to the waiting room. Flanked by Avery and Karev, Owen walked purposefully and stopped in front of Melanie and his wife. His face did not belie good or bad news which made Cristina nervous.
Melanie slowly Rose to her feet.
"Mrs Harrison." Owen started. Melanie began to shake and Cristina put her arm around her shoulder and took her hand in her's. Owen, waiting until the mother had settled into his wife's supportive gesture continued, "We have repaired all the damage to Isabella's legs and organs. She is alive but the next 24 hours are critical. We are taking her to the paediatric ICU and Dr Shepherd, our head of neurosurgery will be coming along to try and wake her up layer this evening. We are optimistic that if she wakes up she will make a full recovery but it will take time."
Melanie let her tears flow unbidden, "she is alive?"
"She is alive." Cristina repeated, squeezing her shoulder. She smiled at her husband, she was so in awe of him at that moment- he had done it again, saved a case that other doctors would not have been able to. God she loved him.
Melanie flew into a surprised Owen's arms and, with a nod of blessing from Cristina, he hugged the woman tightly. "Your wife told me you were a real life hero! She is absolutely right! Thank you! Thank you!" she released herself from the doctors arms and smiled up at him gratefully.
Owen returned the smile, slightly embarrassed by the plaudits of both his patient's mother and his own wife, "Thank you. Would you like to go and see Isabella now?"
Gathering up her coat and handbag, eager to get to her child, Melanie turned to Cristina and kissed her on the cheek, she whispered, "You have a great man there, hold onto it. Thank you for everything."
Cristina watched the strong woman follow Karev and Avery down the hallway. She did not know how Melanie had managed to get through the day. She felt Owen wrap his arms around her waist. He was not usually very demonstrative at work, he liked to keep it professional, but today she was grateful for him reaching out to her. It had been a tough first day back!
"You ok?" Owen asked as he rested his head against her's.
"I think so. I'll feel better when I have held Daniel." This honest truth sat for a moment with them both.
"Me too. I just have to dictate the chart then we can go home to him. We can leave this day here and just be, the 3 of us." He kissed her temple and left her standing in the waiting room.
Cristina was thinking how strange it was that she had learnt so much about surgery today from sitting in the waiting room. The patients, or the procedures as she had before thought of them, were other people's children, loved ones, families and she the surgeon was responsible for taking care of them and bringing them back home. To remain invested in the patient to be able to perform the medicine to the best of your ability you had to remember that they were people's people.
She knew the puzzle that was a family could never be complete in the same way when important pieces were missing. Her Dad had left a huge hole that her step father, although they had a good relationship, could never fill exactly, he was a different shape, a different fit. The picture had to change to fit the new pieces.
But not Melanie's picture. Today the important piece in Cristina's puzzle had allowed Melanie and Isabella's picture to stay the same. Today they had won. The stakes had been high, they had gambled big and the payout had been a life.