Milestones. Surgeons start their race towards them moments into their internships- the first time they scrub in, the first time they hold the stainless steel scalpel, the first opening, first closing, the first solo surgery, the first life they save. Or they try to dodge and side step them- the first case they have to put back under and re-open, the first mistake made under the glare of their attending, the first life they lose on the table. The Surgeon's reputation is carved out by who makes it to these rights of passage first. It is a fast paced sprint towards fellowships, publication and glory. For a child, milestones are merely the markers, the signposts along the road map of their lives. They shape the type of person they become as they journey from baby to toddler, toddler to teenager, teenager to adult. Are they the high achiever- the one for who the milestone provide no obstacle and are passed through early and easily or are they the soul who lazily approaches each one in their own time frame, accepting that we cannot do everything all at once, but delighting in any small movement forwards? For parents the milestones can be both frustrating and delightful. They question why a friend's child can do something earlier than their own or they rejoice in having bragging rights to their child obliterating the obstacle and crossing the finish line first. For parents who are surgeons, well the race to hit the milestones os on a a whole new level. After all, competition is in the surgical blood.
Daniel Michael Hunt was one whole year old today. Three hundred and sixty-five days earlier he had made his somewhat dramatic entrance into the world on the floor of OR2. To mark that day, he now sat on the oak panelled floor of his living room, flanked by his parents - the Chief and the Cardio fellow, amongst a hugenpile of gift wrapped presents of differing size and shape.
His Seattle Grace Mercy West family had long since departed from the lively birthday party held earlier and now the firehouse was bathed in a quiet that hummed with the sound of friendly conversation and laughter, that held the love and care of the hugs exchanged and saw the smiles on the faces of all the people who had come to love this little boy as one of their own. Daniel, with Zola, Sofia and Dr Bailey's older son,Tucker, had spent most of the party playing with the scarily authentic plastic surgical sets that Cristina had put together for each them. They had performed an elaborate roof top operation on Mark. They had nearly lost him a couple of times but Zola had delighted in jumping on his stomach and that seemed to bring him back to life with true to life gasping, coughing and spluttering at the impact! They had followed that with an urgent face transplant on Jackson, telling him they wanted to make him beautiful. Jackson's girlfriend Lexie had agreed with them and played along as the scrub nurse handing out the instruments that they made up names for as the 4 children crawled and climbed over Jackson's body that lounged in the recliner, poking, probing and prodding at his face. They had proceeded to move through a brain transplant on Derek Shepherd, that had consisted mainly of brushing his hair and putting colourful hair clips in it, bandaged Arizona's thumb, tapped Callie's knees with the plastic bone hammer, listened to Cristina's heart, amputated Meredith's foot, by taking away her shoes, stuck plasters all over Alex's arms, tried to stretch Bailey by pulling her with great vigour, continually poked Teddy to test if she could still cry and sutured Richard Webber's elbow with pink ribbons. After everyone had been 'treated' to a procedure at the hands of the junior doctors, Owen had settled them down onto a rug and told them a story about a beautiful princess with raven black curls and how she transformed into a super hero who saved the people of Seattle. As the little seated party looked out over the Seattle skyline, the story took on different meaning for each of them as they imagined the heroes in their own lives and amongst the guests at the roof top party each child could hold their personal superheroes under their innocent gaze. These four children were the next generation, the future of this hybrid family. A surgical dynasty bound together by shared passion, shared gifts, shared skills, shared vision, shared lives and shared loves.
Enjoying the peace and stillness, Owen turned his head, tilting it to the right as he always did when a thought immersed his cognitive pathways. As he gazed, smiling softly, in total awe at the 2 people who defined his whole existence, he reflected silently on the past year. A year where Daniel had opened the doors of the OR and shown them both how wide the world outside their work could be. Suddenly remembering that there was one more gift to be shared, Owen jumped to his feet and headed towards the bedroom.
"Where are you going?" Cristina shouted after him. "Are we not going to open these gifts?"
Her tone was impatient, she wanted to see what treasures lay beneath the glittering wrapping paper, to find out who had bought the most educational gifts to aid her in her quest to turn out a future Harper Avery winner and who had wasted their money on toys or games set to delight Daniel but grossly annoy his parents.
"Hang on...two seconds...just wait!" Came Owen's mirthful response as the sound of a drawer closing reverberated into the living room.
Reappearing seconds later in front of his wife, Owen was holding a silver rectangular box, with a blue bow tied around it.
"This, Cristina, is a gift for you." Owen proffered the box and waited for her to take it before sitting back down on the floor and pulling a wriggling Daniel into his lap. "It is kind of your birthday too, a year ago you bought this amazing little boy into our lives. I love you."
Owen lent across to kiss his wife, a gentle kiss softly thanking her for not running from her initial fears of not knowing how to want or to have it all and of not understanding that to be excellent at one thing you loved did not mean you had to be denied a larger life around it. Thanking her for everything they had shared and would share in the future.
"Open it." Owen murmured into the nape of her neck before grazing his lips back up towards her check pecking a more defined kiss onto it. He then squeezed his son a little tighter into his lap and Daniel responded by putting his thumb into his mouth and snuggling into his father's chest. I am going to have a little nap while mum y and daddy look at their present. Mine when I wake up. The little boy thought to himself as his dark brown orbs disappeared under his heavy lashed eyelids. The silence of the firehouse was now punctuated by soft snores, grunts and tiny hiccups as dreams of the princess who became a superhero took over his consciousness.
Cristina untied the bow, prized off the lid, pulled back the tissue paper and lifted out a medium sized hardback book. On the dark blue cover in silver calligraphy, framed by a border of planes, trains and cars, were inscribed the words Daniel Hunt's first year.
Cristina smiled as she ran her fingers along the spine of the book. Owen never failed to amaze her, here once again he had produced a gesture that was so full of pride and love in something they had created and nurtured together. It literally took her breathe away.
"When did you do all this?" She turned the book, each page filled with memories of their huge shared life, over in the palm of her hands, soaking up the weight of what this represented. Cristina realised that she was holding the map of a path she had never desired to tread. There had been one other opportunity to walk it with another companion but she had turned away from it and had ended up walking once again alone. Until Owen had found her, he too was wandering aimlessly, with little direction. They had fallen into step, traversed the inclines, hiked the valleys and hills and reached their base camp. Together.
"I started it the day he was born. When I took Zola to get candy so you and Meredith could spend some time together, I bought the memory book in the gift shop." Owen told her softly.
"Thank you." Snuggling into his side and looping his free arm over her shoulders, Cristina opened the cover and the parents began to revisit the milestones Daniel had achieved in his first year of life.
The first few pages of book was full of photographs of Cristina and Owen before they had Daniel- on their wedding day, at Callie and Arizona's wedding, on vacation, at Sofia's baptism. There was even one of Cristina operating, that Owen had shot on his mobile from the gallery. The page titled my family captured both grandmothers, Owen sisters and their husbands and children and every member of their hospital family.
Owen and Cristina smiled and laughed as they connected each photograph to a story about the people within it or the event at which it was taken. When Cristina got to to the page that dated a list of Daniel's firsts she paused at a picture of Daniel standing up straight in the middle of the living room.
"Wow, his first steps! Do you remember how he fell over before he got the hang of putting one foot in front of the other." Owen chuckled as the memory of that day danced in the air in front of them.
A month earlier...
Daniel had been playing with a wooden train set in the living room, banging the wheels against the pathway, dragging the trains towards the station. His father had been in the kitchen fixing lunch and Daniel had pulled himself to his feet using the side of the sofa as leverage. He had let go, holding himself on his feet somewhat unsteadily at first but once his knees had got the message from his brain to lock he had stood at his full height letting go of the safety net of the sofa. Out of the corner of her eye, lifted briefly from the medical journal, Cristina had gasped and shouted "Owen...Owen quick!"
Dashing into the living room, Owen's eyes widened and a huge grin spread over his face.
"Are you ready to take some steps buddy?" Owen dropped onto his knees a few steps in front of his son and held out his arms to catch Daniel if he fell. Cristina, tossing aside the article about a heart she had held in her hands, knelt down next to the man, in front of the child who held hers. Daniel looked at his parents quizzically, what do they want me to do? He wondered as he shifted his weight front to back and wobbled furiously. Giggling he gained his balance again and lowered himself down to a squatting position. He looked up to see his parents faces cloud with slight disappointment. I wasn't supposed to do that!
"Come on honey, try again! Walk for mummy." Cristina smiled and coaxed Daniel to stand by clapping her hands together softly. Daniel mirrored her action and clapped his hands once before pushing himself back up to stand, this time with nothing to help apart from his thigh muscles.
"That's it! Now come over here." Owen's voice was brimming with excitement. He could see that they were on the cusp of a wonderfully joyous moment as parents and he opened his arms even wider ready to wrap all the love he had for this precious boy around him.
It was like watching an action sequence in a movie in slow motion. Cristina and Owen held their breathe, their eyes wide, their muscles tense with anticipation. The tiny heel of the left foot came off the floor, quickly followed by the toes. Daniel swayed side to side, his arms flapping to balance himself. The foot hit the floor a few centimetres in front of where it had been with a satisfying thump.
"You did it! Daniel you took a step!" Cristina had tears in her eyes. She felt as proud of her son as she had of herself when she had completed her first solo surgery.
Daniel let out a shriek of delight and lifted the other foot. He was determined, now he had mastered the technique, to make it across the finish line- his fathers arms. With each step closer to Owen, his parents joy grew. Both of them had changed position from kneeling to squatting ready to scoop Daniel up to congratulate him.
"One more...one more..." Owen could barely hold himself back from inching himself forward to close the minuscule gap that separated him from his son. "one tiny step and you've done it!"
The foot made contact with the floor for a final time, the tiny toes brushing the tips of Owen's longer ones. Daniel fell forwards into the warmth of the arms that made him feel as if nothing could ever hurt him and tuned his ear to the heartbeat that soothed his soul. Wrapping his tiny arms around his father's thick neck, Daniel Hunt delighted in his achievement and how happy it had made the 2 people who he loved so wholly.
Taking a beat to enjoy the father and son moment in front of her, Cristina wrapped herself around Owen's back, hugging herself tightly to him and looked deep into the eyes of her son, as his head lay on Owen's shoulder. "You are excellent." she stroked the tiny boy's hair, stood on tip toes and pressed a kiss on his forehead. "I love you."
As the memory of that special day disappeared back into the pages of the memory book, Cristina kissed Owen's cheek and turned the final page. At the top of the crisp white sheet she read the words Parent's reflections. Cristina noticed that Owen had already filled in the Space reserved for Daddy. Sinking further into her husband's embrace, she read the words scrawled in the handwriting that she most often saw wrapped around medical jargon in patient charts. In this book, however, the words leapt of the page, straight to her heart.
This first year as a father has filled my life with the brightest colours and allowed me to feel the deepest joy. Daniel, you are our rainbow in the clouds. You have pushed aside all the darkness, healed all the pain and made my love for your mother even more absolute. I promise to keep you safe and help you become the man you want to be in your future. With all my love now and always, daddy.x
"Pass me a pen." For Cristina, words never came easily but right now she knew exactly what she wanted to say, exactly what she wanted to commit to the page so her son would know how she had felt right here, right now.
Daniel Michael Hunt. All the best things come in threes. The three things I hold in my heart- you, your daddy and my work. The three things you have taught me- to love without boundary, to live without fear and to let myself whole. You were the missing piece in the puzzle of my life when the picture was blurred. Your daddy made it clear and you bought it into sharp focus. I will tell you these same three words everyday for the rest of my life. I. Love.
Memories. Our brains keep them safe until the time we need to recall them. It may be to remember particular details or to comfort us in a time of trouble. The best thing about a memory is to share it in the after with the ones who were present in the then. To bond yourself closer through shared experience and continue to shape your lives to the new memories that stand within your reach in the distant tomorrow.
Authors note: I got this idea because my daughter Ella, who is 10 and a half months has just started to stand on her own and we are convinced she is going to take her first steps any minute now! Also my husband, Erik, made a memory book for both our children! 4 more weeks till SP, so we have a few more chapters to come on this story and then hopefully lots to write once we get some, hopefully amazing season 8 story arcs for our favourite couple. Review and let me know what you are lots of love