We play many roles in our lives- child, lover, spouse, parent, friend, teacher, boss colleague. Human beings are in fact chameleons, constantly changing and adapting to fit ourselves into the role our current environment requires us to adopt. How often do we question which role is the most important? Which is the hardest? Which brings the greatest joy? Which gets the most of our attention? Can one person truly be defined so narrowly as only inhabiting the one role that to the outside world appears to be their favourite? Behind closed doors, if we were to play the silent observer, we may be surprised to see a different side to someone we thought we had easily pigeon holed.
11am...
As Chief Owen Hunt addressed the board, pitching a proposal put forward by one of the cardio fellows to expand the existing Trauma unit at SGMW in the hopes of becoming the country's leading specialist Cardiac trauma centre, he let his mind whizz through the list of things he had to do once he cast off the boss' lab coat and adopted his familial roles of father and husband for the rest of the day.
Just as he had been about to walk into the conference room Cristina had paged him to let him know she had been pulled into the OR with Teddy on a procedure that would last well past her originally planned half day, early finish shift. So that meant that their children's afternoon and bedtime routine was all on him for the first time in two months, since the number of small inhabitants in the firehouse had doubled.
Ok, so I have to, leave her early...Pick up Daniel from hospital day care, quickly go to supermarket and buy dinner and diapers, drive to my mom's, pick up Ella, drive both children home, bathe them, cook Daniel meal, prepare Ella bottle, feed them, play with them, read them a story (or medical journal, as Cristina assured him that Daniel himself chose on occasion), put them to bed, do laundry, clean up, cook meal for Cristina and myself ready for when she gets back. Oh and pray I don't get paged so I have a hope in hell of getting it all done!
This working parent thing was no joke! Turning his attention back to his meeting he smiled professionally as he asked the board members, "Does anyone have any questions?"
An hour later...
Before he made his way back to his office to grab his jacket and keys, Owen took a detour to the gallery of OR2 to catch a glimpse of the wife he had not seen all day. That was one of the things he struggled with in his new role, not getting to work with her very often, to witness her talent or to share in her medical victories. The gallery was full, as it normally was, and no one was surprised to see the Chief of Surgery watching over proceedings due to the fact his wife was the one holding the scalpel. Owen watched her hands deftly manipulate the tissue of the heart, switching off instruments in her hand with precision and expertise. A thought of those same hands on his body caused him to clear his throat nervously, as if the whole gallery could tell what dirty thoughts were running through his synapses. Casting one last look of pride and love down on his wife he nodded to his staff and hurried to his office to get ready to leave the hospital.
Up in the hospital day care...
"Daddy!" Daniel Hunt flew towards his father, wrapping his whole body around his legs, nearly knocking Owen clean off his feet.
"Hey buddy. You ok?" Owen scooped his little boy up into his arms, forgetting how much bigger he had gotten in the past few months.
"Where's mama?" Daniel was confused. He was excited for his father to pick him up but when things changed he always worried he had been bad.
"Mummy has to help fix someone's heart." Owen looked lovingly at his son and pecked a kiss on his nose, raising a giggle from the small boy. "So I am going to need your help until she gets home ok?"
"I help you." Daniel declared proudly, slinging down Owen's body and running towards his cubby to pick up his lunch box and coat. Owen smiled, I got this. How hard can getting two children organised and into bed be?
The trip to the supermarket was simple and stress free. Daniel sat in the cart placing the items his father passed to him into the basket and happily headed the money to the cashier when they reached the checkout. The Hunt men arrived at Susan's house. Owen took over burping Ella, resting the tiny infant against his broad chest gently tapping her back as she snuffled against his black t shirt. Daniel climbed into his grandmother's lap and told her about the new toys he had acquired since he saw her the previous week. Susan's own blue eyes shone with pride at the sight of her beloved only son and the beautiful family he had created out of his cherished love for the woman she now regarded as her own daughter.
"Right guys, we have to get home now." Owen stood and lowered Ella into her car seat. She squirmed as he placed a steadying hand lightly on her abdomen as he clipped the straps together to secure her for the journey.
Jumping down from the embrace of his grandmother, Daniel stared definitely at his father and shouted at the top of his lungs, "No! Me not go!" The child did not wait for a response but instead turned on his heels and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Exasperated, Owen look at his mother, "What is all that about?"
"He is a little boy, exercising his sense of control. You think you never had meltdowns Owen Joseph Hunt!" Susan chuckled and began re-packing Ella's changing bag.
Owen sighed deeply. He was already tired and really did not want tot deal with a stroppy 2 and a half year old this evening. Walking into the bathroom, easing the door open he could see Daniel sitting crossed legged on the floor, a dark look of tension across the delicate features of his face. Owen had seen that same look on Cristina many a time in the OR when a resident, or even himself as her attending, had dared to question her decision making.
"Danny we have to go and get ready for Mama to come home, ok?" Owen took an open armed step towards his son ready to pick him up. Daniel jumped up and Owen thought he had averted this particular crisis and they could leave his mother's house and start the drive home.
The Chief was wrong.
Daniel turned his back on his father and gripped onto the side of the bath tub, anchoring himself in the space.
Owen took a deep breath to calm his own rising frustrations and lifted him at the waist to get him out of the room. "No! No! No!" He screamed as he kicked and fought against his father's hold on him.
"Stop it!" Owen said firmly. "Let go!" he knelt down, still holding the lower half of Daniel's body and tried with one hand to gently prise his fingers off the rim of the roll top bath.
"No! Get off!" Daniel began to cry, his grip tightening and Owen could feel his son's temperature rise as the tantrum completely took him over.
What would Cristina do? Owen thought. This was now a battle that he needed to win.
Adjusting his hold on the still flailing child, Owen spoke clearly, explaining how the next few minutes was going to play out. "I am going to count to five and you are going to let go of the bath. We have to go, you can see Grandma tomorrow." He paused for a beat and counted back from five. As the numbers descended he could feel some of the tension ebb out of Daniel to be replaced with sobs that shook his system like the hiccups. "Good boy."
Owen carried Daniel out of the bathroom, hooked Ella's car seat over his wrist and let his mother put the bag over his shoulder. They bade their farewells and once both children were secure in the back of the car, Ella gurgling contentedly, Daniel supine toy sulking, Owen turned over the ignition and began counting down the hours till their bed time.
Daniel refused to eat his supper and another tantrum had kicked off when Owen had refused to supplement the grilled chicken and vegetables for chicken nuggets and chips. Owen had left Daniel at the table with the plate in front of him while he had fed Ella and metaphorically punched the air as he spied his son begin to gingerly pick at the food, his rumbling stomach bringing that stand off to an end.
Bath time bought an epic battle, that ended in a flood of the bathroom floor that could rival the Poseidon adventures. Daniel had splashed the bath toys vigorously and Owen had regretted trying to bathe both children together when Ella had panicked at the water crashing around her and started to scream. He had forgotten to bring the towels into the bathroom from their bedrooms so had to anchor one slippery, wet child under each arm, run to grab the towels, carrying them in his teeth, and then plop the children back in the tub to finish their wash. He would deal with the water trail on the firehouse floor later.
Finally it was 6.30pm. Daniel's bed time. Ella was sleeping in her cot but his son had other ideas. First he hid in the wardrobe to avoid getting under his bed covers. Owen coaxed him out with promise he could choose a book to read. Daniel had then made an elongated spectacle of getting almost every book down and examining the covers trying to decide which one he was in the mood for. His avoidance and stalling tactics would have been something to marvel at if Owen wasn't so desperate to get him to bed so he could enjoy a few moments of peace. A dragon book was finally settled on and Owen curled into the side of the bed next to his son and they began to read under the glow of the deep red night light.
"I love you Daniel. Sweet dreams." Owen kissed his head and left the room, pausing to gaze at his sleeping heir.
Just as he settled down on the sofa and flicked on the TV an ear piercing wail came from the nursery. Quickly grabbing a bottle from the kitchen, Owen bounded into the nursery not wanting her cries to awaken the other child who had resisted sleep.
"Waaaaaaaa, waaaaaaaaaaaa!" Baby Ella was red faced and clenched fisted against the yellow of the cot sheet.
Reaching in to lift her out, Owen quietly soothed, "It's ok little miss. Here you go." he offered her the teat of the bottle and she sucked hungrily.
Burped and settled back in her sleeping bag, silence descended over the house again.
Owen tiredly shook his head. He never realised that leading a surgical staff would be easier than dealing with two under threes!
For the following twenty five minutes Owen was up and down between the two bedrooms, comforting, rocking and re- covering his children until they finally both were spent of the energy to fight the sleep that enveloped them.
Not paying any attention to what was on the TV screen, Owen found a comfortable prone position on the sofa and closed his eyes, visions of his wife swimming across his consciousness as he took a little nap while he waited for her to come home.
8pm that night...
The firehouse was no longer the quiet haven Cristina and Owen had created when they moved in many years ago. It had adapted to its new dwellers. Its walls now reverberated with the sounds of children's laughter, tears, stories and rhymes. The floors were often littered with toys and crayons that the parents had to dodge and swerve like they were avoiding land mines or IEDs, so as not to raise the squeaks and songs that played on repeat when pressed.
As she made her way up the stairs Cristina could hear the silence she had once known here, punctuated only by the soft hum of the tv in the background of the sitting room. Dropping her coat and bag over the orange chaise at the entrance to the living space, she spied her husband stretched across the sofa.
"Hey you." coming up behind him, she eased his head back and kissed his forehead tenderly.
"Hey. How did the surgery go?" He slowly opened his heavy eyes as he gave himself over to her touch.
"Patient is stable in recovery. So a good outcome." Her tone was matter of fact. She had left the procedure at the hospital, now she was home she just wanted to absorb herself in the easy comfort of her family.
Owen smiled and made his way to the kitchen to fix some dinner for them. Cristina went towards the nursery to check first on her sleeping infant and then into the adjacent room to watch her toddler slumbering peacefully. After a day away from them it calmed her heart to see them safe in their beds, watching their serene faces as they journeyed through their secret dreamlands. It still astonished her sometimes, first that she was a mother and second that she was actually good at it. The bond she had with her children had filled her up in a way she never felt possible and the greater strength it had added to her marriage made her feel so loved she sometimes felt she might burst. The life she was now living was unexpectedly wonderful.
They shared the meal Owen had prepared and Cristina listened intently as her husband filled her in on the children's afternoon. She tried not to laugh as Owen recounted the tantrums Daniel had subjected him to until the battle of wills had finally be settled in a dragon story book and a bed time cuddle. She loved how even the smallest detail lit up his face when he described how Daniel had told him he loved him as his eyes fell shut and how their daughter had laid in his arms and greedily eaten a whole bottle of the milk she had expressed that morning. His pride in being a father made her feel so proud to be the woman who had given him access to these precious moments.
After clearing the plates, they moved into the living room, each of them nursing a bottle of cold beer after long days in the boardroom, the operating room and the rooms of the firehouse.
"How was your day?" The question came as they got to the edge of the couch.
Owen flopped down and rested his back against the arm rest and stretched out his tired body, "You never told me our children had so much energy! I thought trauma surgery was heavy going! These two make it look like a walk in the park."
Cristina laughed. "Awww, is Major Hunt tired? Did you get ambushed by two tiny humans?"
Swatting her playfully with his foot before reaching out to pull her towards him, "Very funny!"
"The board are interested in the cardiac trauma centre." Owen informed Cristina as she climbed into his lap and slung her arms around his neck, running her fingers in his hair, gently massaging his scalp.
"Really?" She could not hide the excitement in her voice and she squeezed herself tighter in to his arms? She had bought this idea to Owen, in his role as Chief of Surgery and he had treated her as a colleague not his wife as she presented him with a viable, cost effective way to set it up and run it.
"Yes. But, if the board give it a green light I want your idea pushed through on your own merit not on your position as the Chiefs wife. So make an appointment with my secretary tomorrow and we will discuss the next step. Ok?"
Owen already knew Cristina would be more than capable of doing whatever she set her mind too but since being the chief he was very clear to keep the boundaries of colleagues versus couple very clearly drawn. No special dispensations or privileges in their home that related to work, that the other surgical fellows did not have access to. As much as it annoyed Cristina she respected her husband's professionalism and dedication to both their careers and their marriage.
"Well since we are at home as plain old married Cristina and Owen, I suppose a night of hot sex it will have to be?" His wife spoke the words seductively as she buried her face in his neck and dropped some kisses below his ear.
Usually this particular gesture would be the precursor to him flipping her tiny body underneath his and starting a very hot and heavy physical examination of her body. But tonight his body couldn't lie, "Honey, all I can offer you right now is a night of hot...sleep." Owen yawned sadly as the thought of crawling into bed with his beautiful wife to sleep was so much more appealing than making love. "I am sorry...an afternoon with our children has completely done me over...I am exhausted!"
"I know!" Cristina laughed as she pushed herself off of his lap and stood in front of him, holding out her hands. "Come on, I will take a sleep with my hot husband, but don't tell my boss I'm married, I think he has a thing for me!" She winked at him playfully.
"I think you could be right! My advice, always keep on the good side of the Chief!" Owen took her hands, allowing her to half pull him up to stand in front of her and laid a slow, soft kiss on her lips, allowing his tongue a brief dance with hers. He pulled away first, much to Cristina's chargrin, tucked her under his arm and they walked to the bedroom.
He stripped off his clothes, pulled on some clean boxers and climbed under the covers, listening to the sound of Cristina, in the bathroom, taking a shower. She stepped out and wrapped a towel around her, wishing Owen was wrapped around her body instead. As she brushed her teeth she thought that she may still get a little love from her husband tonight. He may be tired but his kiss never lied about how much he wanted her. Pulling her hair into a messy bun high on her head to expose her neck, she said to herself, That ought to wake him up a bit...the neck and some special attention. Smiling wickedly to herself in the mirror, she thought she had better have a plan B just in case tonight turned into one of the rare nights in their marriage where no sex was had.
"Shall we go out for dinner tomorrow night, to spend some alone time together? I can get Meredith to babysit?" Cristina called through the half open door. When she got no reply she threw the used towel in the hamper and pulled on her pyjamas.
"Owen did you...?" She stopped on the threshold of their bedroom and smiled at the sight of her big strong man curled up on his side in the same foetal position that their 2 year old son slept in, snoring soundly.
Easing herself under the covers and wrapping her tiny body around the small surface area he had created, she kissed between his shoulder blades and whispered, "sweet dreams my darling".
Flicking off the light she realised how lucky she was to have this man in her bed. Yes she had mind blowing sex with him but she also had this. These small moments of true intimacy that only come when you take on the role of your true self with your true love.