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The sight of curly brown hair was all it took for Maria to sprint off in the direction of a park a small gasp escaping her throat as she did so. Alec also felt is own heart clench, the slump of Jasper's shoulders an unusual position for him, and his head lolling over the side of the bench. With everything going on, their thoughts immediately went to the worst.
After a moment of being frozen in fear Alec shook it off and ran after Maria, hoping for the best, but as his Shadowhunter upbringing taught him, expecting the worst. Maria got there first, shaking her parabatai whose head immediately shot up, Alec slowed down to a walk and allowed himself to collect his emotions, no longer in fear for his life, at least for now.
He allowed them a little while to talk; simply content to stand where he was and wait on them to join him when they were ready. However as he glanced over to where they were speaking he caught Maria's gaze and she inclined her head for him to come to them. He couldn't quite read her expression, but it was hard and unwavering yet not angry- he was unsure of what to expect in all honesty. Out of concern and duty though he was at their side in an instant only slightly surprised when Maria walked away from the two of them with no words, just a slight nod, and Alec was left along with Jasper. He wondered if this was all some dirty trap but convinces himself otherwise. Jasper was way too paranoid to participate in something so tricky and you couldn't fake the concern he had seen on Maria's face when they first caught sight of the slumped Jasper.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and peered at Jasper, who was just sitting silently on the bench staring at him, almost through him.
"So . . . are you alright? We were really worried. . ." Alec stammered uncomfortably.
Jasper snorted and he no longer seemed to be staring through Alec but glaring at him- it was so uncharacteristically cold of the gray eyed boy that Alec almost shivered. However, three years of being a cold hearted bastard prepared him for this, and he met the boy's glare with his own. As badly as he felt for Jasper, there was something about the walls that Alec had built around his heart that was made even stronger around him.
"Were you?" Jasper asked his voice stoic and his glare intact.
Alec rolled his eyes, "Yes I was. Why would you question that? I've never lied to you."
Jasper's glare wavered only a second before he narrowed his eyes at Alec again.
"No, but you haven't exactly been honest with me either. Besides it's not like I ever knew the real you anyways."
Alec furrowed his brow in confusion, "What that supposed to mean?"
Jasper gave a mocking laugh, "Oh come on Alec! Three damn years I've known you and you have never been so" Jasper paused trying to find the words, "emotional as you have been since they came."
Untrue, Alec wanted to say, but held his tongue. It wasn't Jasper's business that nearly every day off he received he would go off and get piss drunk in Dan's werewolf bar, or train so intensely because he wanted to somehow vent all his frustration. All his attempts were fruitless, in the end he still felt as miserable as before, but better than nothing- at least in those moments he wasn't miserable.
"That's personal Jasper and I'm obviously going to treat my family differently than I treat anyone here."
Jasper scoffed, but it wasn't as full as venom as his earlier remarks had been. He looked down at his feet and rubbed the toe of his steel toed boots in the dirt.
"That's not what I meant Alec- I meant how you are around Magnus," Jasper explained his voice cracking.
Alec was shocked that Jasper had noticed, and maybe a little guilty so he didn't respond right away. Jasper peered up at him through his lashes, looking like a kicked puppy.
"How did you know about that?" Alec asked tightly.
Jasper looked back at the ground, "I was listening to you two talk."
Silence. Alec once again didn't know how to respond to this and Jasper just stared up at him unsure of whether to continue on or wait for Alec to speak. He decided to keep talking to avoid the uncomfortable silence.
"I know it's all kinds of wrong, but something in you changed the second they all got here and I didn't know if it was him or them. Alec, please just say something, I know I messed up but you're my first well everything."
Alec glared at him coldly, "I'm not your anything."
Jasper looked shocked for a moment, and Alec was surprised at himself, the iciness in his voice was almost deplorable to even him. The hurt and shock faded from Jasper's face and turned into anger.
"See, that's what I mean Alec. I have been nothing but kind to you and yet you treat me like some sort of low class demon."
Alec opened his mouth to defend himself but Jasper ignored this and continued.
"I have been there for you, when you needed someone to train with and take out all your aggression on, to listen to you when you drunkenly complained about the exact family you are oh so close with now, when you needed someone to take your mind off that bloody warlock. I have been there for everything you asked of me and more, and just when I thought maybe you realized what an ass you have been, you blame the whole thing on me. On me who has been there for you when they all weren't and you treat me so terribly. Why Alec?"
Jasper looked near tears, but Alec knew he wouldn't let any tears fall; he was beyond tears after all Alec had put him through. Sadly, as badly as Alec wanted to say something reassuring or something of meaning he simply couldn't find the words.
Jasper stared at him incredulously and let out a small choking sound. He looked to the ground, and then back at Alec, looking like he was second guessing himself.
He let out a harsh laugh as he spoke again, "You know for some stupid, idiotic reason I had convinced myself that what we've been doing for the past few weeks meant something to you. I thought we weren't just simply fucking, but actually I don't know . . . doing something more."
Jasper let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, as if the words had drained all the energy from him. Alec knew what he meant; Jasper thought they had been making love, and nothing less than that, regardless of what Alec had told him.
He wanted to be angry, but once again, in a moment of clarity Alec realized he wasn't that guy and he couldn't pretend to be anymore. He took in Jasper's slumped shoulders, his eyes dark as storm clouds and couldn't help but feeling of disdain for himself, knowing he was the cause.
He thought back to a few weeks ago, how he thought if Jace had just kissed him all those years ago that he would have never been hurt like he was. That wasn't exactly true though, that was just what he thought. Jace would have hurt him like he was hurting Jasper, because Clary was to Jace what Magnus was to Alec- and Alec would have been the Jasper.
In the end, Magnus was the best thing that ever happened to Alec- he remembered that now. He could no longer suppress that fact from his memory.
So he stared into those storm cloud eyes, and tenderly grabbed Jasper's hand. He hoped his face conveyed the emotions he was trying to express.
"Jasper, you're right," Alec began his voice low and serious, "this past month- these past three years really I haven't been the nicest guy, not even close, and I've been especially cruel to you."
Jasper kept his eyes locked with Alec's, listening to his words intently.
"For that I apologize, I led you on," Jasper hitched his breath at that, it may have been wishful thinking, but he was hoping Alec wouldn't say something along those lines, even if it was a lie he hoped Alec would say it was something to him to.
Alec stopped upon Jasper's hitched breath, but when the boy said nothing, he continued,
"I shouldn't have done that and I know it's not what you want to hear, but I owe you the truth, because these past few weeks I've been saying one thing and doing another. I'd say we weren't anything but vent to you and do things with you that made you believe otherwise, so I apologize and I promise not to do it again, because you are a good person Jasper, and a great friend and you'll make some lucky guy so incredibly happy one day and that guy will do the same for you."
"That guy, he's not you is he?" Jasper whispered after a few seconds of silence.
Alec pursed his lips and shook his head, "No, I'm not that guy."
A few more moments of silence, and Jasper spoke again, "Is Magnus? Is he that guy for you?"
Alec shrugged, "I'm not really sure of much right now, but I think so- I don't think there really is anyone after someone like Magnus."
Jasper laughed, "Guess there really is no forgetting someone like him."
Alec shook his head, "No, there isn't."
Slowly, Jasper slipped his hand from Jasper's grasp and Alec's hand fell to his side.
"I can't lie, I think this sucks."
Alec nodded and bit his lip, not knowing what to say.
"I think I should just go and catch up to Maria, get back to the institute."
Alec nodded again, and Jasper took a few steps before turning back to Alec.
"Are you coming?"
"I figured it'd be best if I didn't- you know so you could have your space."
Jasper shook his head, "We can start awkwardly avoiding each other when we get back, there's a killer warlock on the loose if you hadn't heard."
Alec stood stunned a few moments before walking up to Jasper, the two easily walking next to each other in a complete, comfortable silence. Maria was waiting at a nearby bench when she saw them, and immediately got up to speak to her parabatai. Alec fell into a comfortable step behind them, not minding being ignored as Maria spat out angry questions and concerns to Jasper in a hushed voice.
The trio arrived at the institute rather quickly as Jasper had quickened his pace to avoid Maria's many questions. Right upon entering they heard the telltale signs of an argument and were quick to run to the library, which is where they heard the yelling coming from.
Maria was the first there and opened the door to find Jace (of course) in a screaming match with Mark (not surprising either). Isabelle was looking rather bored with the whole thing, Magnus amused, Clary and Simon were exchanging knowing looks, Jenna looked horrified and Nick looked pissed.
"What's going on?" Maria asked, and the two arguing Shadowhunters turned to her as if they hadn't heard the three enter.
Maria was looking at Nick as she asked, but it was Magnus being the smartass that he was that answered.
"I assume some sort of Shadowhunter foreplay."
Alec smirked and tried to hide his laughter, as Jenna gasped. Alec saw that Clary, Izzy and Simon were also hiding smiles at the comment.
Magnus looked over at Jenna and his lip twitched, "I thought it was highly inappropriate as well, we are in the middle of an urgent meeting after all. However I am simply a warlock and am not very much acquainted with all of your Nephilim customs."
Jace gave a shake of his head and in incredulous laugh, unable to hold it in or just not caring enough to do so.
"Hilarious Bane," Jace said, before turning to the three Nephilim late to the meeting, only really looking at Alec, "it seems your boss here thinks that Magnus's services are no longer required as we don't know the surrounding circumstances of this warlock's attacks."
"You mean you haven't told them?" Alec asked quickly, and there was a silence that immediately washed over his friends that gave him his answer- they indeed had not.
"Told us what?" Mark asked, sounding exhausted- arguing with Jace tended to do that to people.
Alec looked to Isabelle and the others, unsure of whether it was safe to divulge that information. Would Magnus be in trouble? The Nephilim would surely be angry a downworlder had endangered the life of one of their own, especially at this institute.
Clary, thankfully spoke up.
"We thought it was up to you if you wanted to tell them."
Alec bit his lip and turned to Magnus, who simply gave him a nod as if to say "go on". So, Alec did. He told everyone the story Magnus had told him, and when he was done he let out a breath, as if telling them took a weight of his shoulders- maybe they knew something he didn't and could kill this bastard so he could focus on other things, namely his relationship with Magnus.
Nick, of course, was the first to speak.
"So you," referring to Magnus, "come in here acting like some white knight when in actuality it's your fault this damn thing is after us in the first place?"
"Nick," Jenna warned.
"What? It's true! This downworlder had endangered one of our own."
Alec really couldn't stand Nick, but never had he hated more than he did at this moment.
"One of our own? You are not one of us mundane." Isabelle hissed, partially standing.
"I'm more so than a warlock!" Nick argued.
"Enough, all of you," Jasper shouted, to nearly everyone' surprise.
He looked over at Alec, a fleeting glance before addressed the rest of the room.
"It doesn't matter why this is happening, what matters is what we're going to do about this man and making sure no one, especially Alec since that who the warlock is after, gets hurt."
Alec locked eyes for just a moment with Jasper, hoping to send some sort of silent thanks, which Jasper simply nodded back. For a moment, he wished he could love someone like Jasper, he was incredibly safe and loved him. But Alec had learned a long time ago that love was anything but safe and as he looked around and his eyes met Magnus's gold green cat eyes, he knew he could never love Jasper like he loved Magnus. Especially when Magnus was looking at him as he was now, like he was the most precious thing in the world (and he knew a lot of the word, having travelled most of it).
Alec Lightwood accepted it, he would forever be in love with Magnus Bane and he knew without a doubt Magnus felt the same for him.
Mark cleared his throat, and Alec reluctantly turned his attention to the man speaking.
"Very well then, Jasper is right. We should start planning and strategizing immediately."
