When we got out back, I sat on the steps with him beside me. I wasn't sure what to say, so I waited for him to say something first.
"I know this must not be ideal for you," he started.
I let out a little chuckle. His beginning seemed a bit uptight, nothing like how I thought he would start.
"What?" he asked curiously.
"Sorry," I said apologetically, "you just seemed really cautious or something. I know I flipped shit back there, which I didn't mean to do and am very sorry for, but you don't have to try so hard. Its just me, nothing that special."
"You're special, beyond special," he emphasized, "trust me." Clearing his voice, he continued, "I just…am not sure how you feel about all of this. And im not trying to push you into anything and I didn't mean to lay all of this on you at once. You have nothing to be sorry for, to me, you reacted really well to all of this. I'm just surprised you didn't run off when you had the chance."
"No point in running when all my stuff is here," I joked bumping my shoulder with his. I was dying to clear the tension and awkwardness that lingered in the air. Sensing this, Sam laughed along with me. From there the conversation seemed to flow. We talked about how he was alpha and what he was doing at my dad's house.
"It's a big responsibility and there's a lot of weight on my shoulder, but I love it." He told me. I nodded, not quite understanding how he could love being a wolf and the alpha along side that.
"How about you? What's brought you back?" he asked looking at me. Glancing at my hands I shrugged my shoulders.
"It's been a long time since I've seen my dad. A lot has changed- more than I would have liked, and it was good to see him. I guess I never really knew how much I missed him."
Sam nodded but continued to curiously stare at me. It was like he could tell there was more to my answer. What I was saying was the truth, I couldn't believe how much time had passed, and I really did miss him, I just didn't really want to add any more to that statement. After a while, things became easier. He had me laughing at a few things he would say and we bumped shoulders a few times. But as we became a little more comfortable with each other, Sam tested out the waters again by talking about the imprint. I stayed quiet mostly. Its not that I didn't want to talk about the imprint, I just wasn't sure if I really wanted to bring it up.
"So, you think its that bad?" he asked seriously.
I shrugged and bit my lip. I wasn't even sure how I felt about it yet, all I knew that this whole imprinting was kind of unfair. I mean why didn't I get to have no choice in the matter?
I was about to open my mouth and tell him how I felt and everything I was thinking, but before I could do that, some girl had interrupted us along with Jared who was now standing at the back door, with an apologetic look on his face. The woman stood on the back porch slightly glaring at the two of us.
"Emily!" he said shocked. I looked at him and then back at her. She was a petite girl with sandy blond hair and a sundress on. Her hair was a little shorter than shoulder length and a bit wavy. She seemed very different than what I could ever be.
"Sam it's been almost an hour since the game ended. I was getting worried when you didn't call to tell me when you would be home," She said. "What are you doing out here anyways? Who is this?"
Did she just say home? I thought to myself, as I felt sick. Snapping out of my thought, I brushed my pants off and stood up.
"Bella Swan," I said offering a hand out to shake. She gave me a look over, which showed me she was not sure if she approved of me or not.
"Charlie's daughter," she stated. "I'm Emily Young, Sam's girlfriend."
I luckily held back a choke and put on my best acting face. "Its nice to finally meet you. I heard a lot about you," I said lying like no tomorrow.
"Really?" she beamed staring at Sam. I didn't dare turn back to see what his face looked like. Not only was I mad at him for fooling me, but I was mad at myself. How could I be so stupid?
"Yea, he seems to really like you," I told her a bit hurt. I cleared my throat, pushing away my own emotions. "But anyways, Sam was just out here giving me the low down on what there is to need to know about Forks and La Push. I didn't know you guys had so many rules and laws."
She nodded looking at me a bit oddly. "I'm from Florida so it's a very different atmosphere," I supplied.
"Okay," she said, almost seeming like she didn't really care. There was an awkward pause and I clenched my fists in my back pockets. "Well, I will let you guys talk. Sorry for holding Sam up."
"Not a problem. He should know to call me by now."
"Right," I whispered as I passed her. Brushing past Jared, I didn't stop until I got into my room.
"Get out," I told Jake as he was sitting on my bed waiting for me.
"Bella," he said sadly.
"Jake, get the hell out of my room right now." I commanded staring at my feet.
"Hey," he said coming to hug me as tears gathered in my eyes.
"No," I said trying to push his arms away. "I did this to myself. Don't!" I yelled to Jake pulling away. "Just get out."
He looked at me brokenly. Leaning down to kiss my cheek, I moved away, and he kissed the side of my head. "I will be downstairs if you need me." He said rejectedly.
He shut the door softly behind him and I bit my lip to hold back a sob. Of course this would happen. I actually decided to see how this was supposed to go- I took a chance, I foolishly trusted him and it came right back at me.
I scooted of my bed and closed the window, covering it with my drapes. The backyard was right below me. Flying back to my bed, I let out the sob I could no longer contain in my chest. I always do this. I continuously trust the people, thinking each time it would be different. I take a chance/risk and always lose out.
Feeling exhausted, I snuggled up with my pillow and fell into a dark sleep.
When I got up the next morning, well, it wasn't fun. The events of yesterday hit me like a brick, and I wished the horrible things away. Faintly, I heard a knock at the front door, but I didn't bother getting it. Instead, I just went back to sleep, hoping it would last forever.
Around 6pm, I got up from bed. I took a shower, got dressed, debated on unpacking some clothes, and then went downstairs. My stuff still laid in the duffle bags. From what happened yesterday, I just wondered if it was better I lived with Aunt Betty instead of my dad.
In the kitchen there was a note from Charlie saying he wouldn't be home till late. Sighing, I stuck the note back on the fridge and grabbed the money he left for me on the counter. We needed groceries… bad. Finding some car keys, I went outside and found an old pick up truck.
'Jake fixed it up for you' the note read, tucked under the windshield wiper, in Charlie's handwriting. 'Thank him'.
Rolling my eyes, I tucked the note in my pocket and was off to get us some food. I found my way around pretty easily. No one was kidding when they said Forks was a small town. I stuck out like a sore thumb and hated it. I got stares all the way through the grocery store and in the parking lot. I wanted to yell at everyone, asking them if they just wanted a picture of me instead so it would last longer.
I made it back to the house around 7pm. Charlie's police cruiser was in the driveway, along with a car I didn't know. Feeling the familiar pit in my stomach again, I grudgingly walked into the house with a bag of groceries.
"Bells," Charlie said staring at me. In front of him stood Sam, who was now turned to look at me too.
"You have got to be kidding me," I muttered walking further into the house.
"I need to explain," Sam said watching me as I passed him full handed.
"No, you don't," I said setting the bags on the counter.
"Bella," Charlie said softly.
"Don't dad," I said brushing past the two men. Sam reached out to grab me, but I luckily pulled my arm away the last second. That was the last thing I needed- to be cornered against him.
"Go away Sam," I said to him as he came out to help me with the bags.
"We need to talk," he said following my actions.
"What part of 'no' do you not get? I don't want to see you I don't want to talk and I sure as hell do not want you here." I snapped.
"Look, I know you are mad," he said as we made it into the kitchen with the groceries. I let out a frustrated cry and turned to look at him. "Stop! Just please stop!"
I hustled back outside to get the last bag we both missed but he persistently followed me again.
"Just give me a chance," he pleaded.
"What makes you even think you deserve one?" I asked.
Bella," he said speechless. Shoving the last grocery bag in his hand I shook my head.
"Tell Charlie I went to Jake's. I'll be home later," I said pulling my hand away from Sam's desperate grasp. I slid inside the car, starting the engine, double punching the clutch and drove away.
When I got to Jake's I let out a breath. The day would have been fine if Sam didn't come by. I didn't want to talk yet at the same time I knew something down inside me felt happy he wasn't giving up on me. I wanted him with me. Pushing that away I walked up to the Black's house knocking on the door.
"Bella?" Billy questioned in surprise.
"Uncle Billy," I said hugging him. "Come in!" he said.
"Thanks," I smiled at him.
"What are you doing here? You're old man okay?"
"Yea, he's good. I was actually looking for Jake. He dropped off a pick up truck for me today? And I just wanted to thank him."
"He's in the garage," Billy said.
"Thanks," I smiled. "It was good to see you Uncle Billy," I told the man as I made my way to the back door knowing the short cut.
"You too kiddo, you look surprisingly good for what went down…" he said trailing off with sympathetic eyes.
I pulled a small smile and nodded to him one last time. I walked down the dirt trail and found myself face to face with a small garage off to the side of the Black's property.
"Knock knock" I said popping my head inside.
"Bells?" Jake asked rolling out from under a car.
"Hey," I said smiling at him. He had a bit of grease on his cheek making him look at loveable as ever.
"What's up?" he asked with his full attention on me.
"Well, someone dropped off a car for me today? And I just thought I should thank him."
"It was my pleasure," he said with a smile. "So do you like it?"
"Like it? Damn Jake, I love it. I owe you one."
"I'm holding you to that," he winked. Letting out a laugh, I plopped myself down on the couch that was across from him.
"So whatcha working on?" I asked. We continued to talk for a while. Jake worked under the car while we bantered about things and went over old times.
"Hey Bella!" Quil and Embry said coming into the garage.
"Hey Guys," I smiled sweetly at them. They joined me on the couch, talking along with Jake and I.
"You guys seriously do that for fun?" I asked.
"Yea, its such a rush." Embry explained.
"Cliff diving is the most amazing thing ever," Quil said.
"Well," I laughed, "until today, I have never heard of that being something 'fun' to do."
Jake brought us all some food and drinks and we all hung out for a while.
"So who's the car for?" I wondered to Jake as the night started to settle. The radio was playing softly in the background as I was lying on the couch with my legs over Embry's lap, Quil still right next to us.
"Me," he said rolling out from under it to get some weird looking shiny tool.
"Well that is a really nice car. Am I getting a ride in that?" I questioned.
"Maybe if you are extra nice to me," he teased getting out from under the car again to lean close by me.
"I'm always extra nice to you," I said pushing my index finder into his forehead.
"And that classifies as extra nice?" Jake asked chuckling. I raised an eyebrow, shrugging my shoulders a bit as I chuckled along with him.
"Nice party boys," a voice interrupted us.
My head snapped over to where Sam was standing and I groaned. Was I ever going to get away from this man?
"Why?" I complained to the ceiling as I flipped my head back.
"We should get going," Embry and Quil said getting up.
"But!...Ugh, okay," I said looking into their eyes. They shouldn't have to suffer the pain of Sam's presence with me. I said goodbye to the two boys and took over the whole couch to myself.
"Why are you here?" I asked Sam, my head still tilted back to the ceiling.
"Charlie wants you home in about an hour."
"And he couldn't have called me himself to say that?" I snapped.
"Bella," Jake said giving me a look before going back under his car. I rolled my eyes, so I was being tad bit mean, but I was frustrated beyond reason.
"He did. Called the house a few times till he remembered Billy was at Sue's. So he asked me to stop by and tell you."
"Because you were still at my house," I added.
Sam didn't say anything and I just covered my hands on top of my face. Life was just too unfair sometimes.
"Well, I should go then." I told Jake, getting up from the sofa. "Don't want to be late, so might as well be early."
Jake rolled out from under the car and nodded. "Call me if you need me okay?"
"Will do pretty boy," I told him with a wink and stood up from the ground. Sam was still waiting in the doorway watching me. I wasn't sure if I hated that or not yet.
As I walked out of the garage, I found Sam trailing behind. "Go away Sam" I called out behind me.
"Not until we talk," he said. I spun around after a few more seconds of him trailing me. "Won't your girlfriend be mad at you for not being home on time or something? You know, the girl that goes by Emily Young. The girl who is your girlfriend."
"It's not like that," he said catching up to me.
"Oh yes it is," I said rolling my eyes and moving away from him.
"Bella," he said trying to get me to understand.
"Look," I said huffing out whatever I could. I had this sudden super strength or super irritation, I don't know, but it helped me get out what I wanted to say.
"I get that you did this whole imprint mojo thing on me. And I know we aren't supposed to fight fate because we are destined to grow old together and fall in love or some crap like that. But listen here, and listen close. I will not, I repeat, will not, fall for a guy, especially you, who is unavailable. Magically binding us or not. You have a girlfriend. Also known as a girl who you are with and are supposed to be dedicated to. You and I can't spend time around each other because we are not going to happen."
I turned to walk away but Sam grabbed my arm and turned me back to him.
"I imprinted on you. And I don't know if you know what that fully means but-"
"I know what it means," I said cutting him off. "Jake explained it all out to me. I understand how this is supposed to play out, but its not going to happen. I know pain is going to come. But the longer I stay away from you and the longer you hopefully stay away from me, we can push through it and call it a day."
"I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with a girl I don't even love anymore. Especially when I know the girl of my dreams…the one that I am destined to be with, is right in front of my face."
"Then let me get out in front of you," I said backing away and walking again. He grabbed me again, pulling me to a stop.
"Sam!" I yelled out frustrated. "I don't understand how you can not understand this. Its simple. We are not a we. We are nothing. You are with Emily and I am free for the taking. Screw this whole imprinting crap because it's a load of shit. Just…get over it!"
"Get over it?" he said just as frustrated. "Bella, all I can do is think of you! I can barely look at Emily when I know you are just a short distance away! And I stare at you and all I can think is how beautiful you are and how much I want to be with you! All I want to do is spend time with you and get to know you! Why is that so hard for you to understand?"
"Because this is all a fake! If I didn't come here- if my mom didn't commit suicide- if I didn't find her fucking dead body then I wouldn't be standing in front of you right now! I wouldn't have been imprinted on or have come here, and you would still be happily in love with Emily!" I yelled out. I immediately regretted everything I yelled out as I realized what I had said. I had finally told someone what happened to Renee.
"I have to go," I said hurrily turning away and rushing off. I did not just say that. I did not just say that.
"Bella," he said rushing up to me. I pulled my arm out of his grip, keeping my head down.
"Go away Sam, Go home to Emily."
Practically running to my truck, I got in and drove off. The whole ride home I couldn't breathe. I had admitted that out loud. Not only did I admit what I was truly holding back, but I also let it out all out loud.
I got home in record time, slipping inside the house. Charlie waiting on the hall steps for me with a beer bottle in hand.
"I don't want to hear it dad," I said shrugging off my jacket and going to the kitchen.
"Bella, he just needs a chance to talk to you," he said.
"Dad," I sighed exasperated. I was tired of everyone being on his side. If this were any different, I would be doing the right thing. "He has a girlfriend. A girlfriend. I don't care if destiny says I will die tomorrow, I'm not going to accept the imprint with Sam because it's not the right thing to do. I am not going to be some backstabbing bitch taking away someone else's love of their lives because I am supposedly destined to be with him. Maybe it's my code of ethics or just my morals speaking, either way, I will not and cannot have that on my conscious."
Charlie was quiet and then he nodded letting it go. I took the carry out he ordered from the fridge and heated some of it up for me.
Taking my food upstairs with me, I plopped on my bed, belly first, with my laptop in front of me. I spent a lot of the night figuring out my online classes and compiling a list of everything I was going to need. When it was getting late, Charlie already having said goodnight to me, I put everything away, cleaned up my food mess and got ready for bed. I was literally praying for tomorrow to be better.
Slipping into bed, I pulled the covers up to my chin and went to sleep. Flashes of finding Renee hanging in the doorway had me paralyzed. I felt all of the emotions I once felt when I first found her there hanging. Bella, a voice chanted in my head. Oh Bella. It called.
I woke up with a start shaking and gasping for breath. It was like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I still couldn't get what happened out of my head. Tossing the covers back, I got out of bed and went downstairs. I wasn't sure what I was doing down here. All I knew was that I would not be going back to sleep for a while. Sticking my head in the kitchen, I found I wasn't hungry or thirsty, so I slipped out the back door.
I took a seat on the back porch step, where I once sat with Sam, and looked up. A black wolf was sitting in the yard staring at me.
"Don't you ever give up?" I asked him.
His big wolfy head shook from side to side and I nodded putting a hand to my forehead, "right." I was too tired to put up a fight. Whether he stayed or left, I didn't really care.
He inched closer to me as lost myself in my own thoughts. Everything that happened with Renee, coming home and finding her hanging there, it scared the shit out of me.
"Sam," I warned as I caught him out of the corner of my inching closer than I felt comfortable with. His head bowed in sadness and he sat a few feet in front of me, just sitting there.
My hands shook as I looked up to the sky, trying to get myself under control. My mind was racing; my body was so on edge. I felt like at any moment, my mothers dead body would be walking out of the house haunting me. It played in my head like a scary movie, which was literally petrifying, and happened almost every night.
I ran my hands through my long hair again and looked down at my knees. Why couldn't I get over this? Why couldn't I be strong enough to handle this? My breath came out shaky and I felt like I was unsafe once again.
Sam's wolfy head came brushing my against me, softly giving me some comfort. He swept the side of his face over mine and looked at me with concerned eyes. Something about him told me he knew I was scared. He seemed worried. Truly worried. Pulling my hands out of my hair, I stretched an arm out to touch the wolf. My hands were shaking hard as I made contact with his soft jet-black fur. It was so unreal.
My body felt comfort in the odd feeling my hands felt. It was like I found some peace in the scary madness in my dreams. Running my hand back and forth in a slow stroking like pattern, I found myself calming down a bit.
Sam let out soft purrs of content and shut his eyes in happiness. He nuzzled further into my hand but I didn't seem to care as I unconsciously continued my actions. My mind was silencing and my breath was starting to be a little less shaky. It was weird how this calmed me.
'Thank you," I muttered softly to the big wolf. It was like a cloud lifted from the haze of horror and I could breathe a bit. My body wasn't shaking as hard and I wasn't so scared.
Sam's eyes opened again and I could see concern. I stared into them for a second, till I remembered what I was doing. This was Sam, whether it was wolf Sam or human Sam he still belonged to someone else.
I retracted my hand, setting it back down in my lap. I shouldn't be seeking comfort in him. He didn't seem to like that as he bowed his head and pushed his nuzzle against my arm.
"I can't Sam," I told him softly. He looked into my eyes and knew what I was trying to say. I wasn't going to be with him, not now anyways. Inching a little closer to me, he rubbed this face against the side of my head. I closed my eyes, feeling his soft fur against me.
Before I knew it, I felt something warm and wet against my cheek. My eyes shot open and I lifted my hand to my cheek.
"Eww Sam!" I giggled feeling his sticky saliva. He just licked me. His tongue lolled out the side of his open dog like mouth. "That's gross," I told him.
He continued to give me a happy smile and I just rolled my eyes trying to hold back a smirk. He nuzzled himself against my face again but I pulled back with a laugh. I didn't need anymore doggy kisses from him.
A gust of wind blew around us and the smile quickly wiped off my face. Flashes of when I ran outside screaming for help hit me. Every feeling that slowly faded away came rushing back to me. Sam sat in front of the porch steps and lightly brought a paw up, tapping me on the leg.
"Sorry," I whispered out looking down at my lap. I felt it all again, I felt everything and I was scared. He let out a whimper and tried to get close to me again. I could tell he felt the need to comfort me.
"We shouldn't be doing this," I told him leaning forward with my hands in his fur. He let out another soft whimper and I looked away.
"I should go get some sleep." I whispered. With one last comforting touch, I pulled my hands away and stood up. The tree far away in the yard caught my eye and it made me once again think of my panic I had felt when I was outside. There was a tree like that outside somewhere when I was back home.
I felt a tug on my pajama tank top and I glanced down to see Sam staring at me worriedly.
"Goodnight Sam," I whispered a bit shaky. I was scared. I didn't want to go back in the house. I was terrified of what I would encounter-seeing my nightmares come true.
"I'll see you around," I said with one last glimpse to him. I snuck back into the house, my heart pounding against my chest. I kept telling myself nothing would happen and I was safe, but I could barely believe what I was chanting in my head. Sliding back into bed, I slowly let my mind rest as I thought of Sam.
I woke up at 6am after a night of tossing and turning. It was like my brain didn't want me to get any sleep. Shoving the covers of myself, I got out of bed and went downstairs to start breakfast.
Eggs, Bacon, waffles and toast were on the menu today as I went around the kitchen making food.
"Wow Bells, this looks good," Charlie said coming into the room.
"Thanks," I smiled as I finished making his plate.
"Why are you up so early?" he asked.
"Couldn't sleep."
He paused for a moment. "Anything you want to talk about?"
I bit my lip and shook my head. "Nah, im okay. I think its just being in a new place that's all," I said telling a little white lie.
"Alright," he grunted as he dug into his food. We sat at the kitchen table together eating breakfast until around 7:30 hit.
"I should get going," he told me.
"Alright," I said sliding my chair out from under me and picking up our plates.
"You going to be okay today?" he asked.
"Yea, I think I am going to do some errands and stuff. Nothing big."
"Okay, well I will be home around dinner time," he told me with a kiss to my cheek.
"I'll have dinner ready." I smiled. He nodded and gave me an appreciative look. The door shut behind him and I heard the police cruiser take off. Putting away the dishes I walked upstairs and got ready to start the day.
I had some skinny jeans on, along with a black long sleeve shirt with a red tank top underneath. My black chucks were sitting by the door waiting for me to put on. When I was done, I brushed my hair and was off to get some things for my room.
My first stop was a cheap home store, which sold things like sheets, lamps, tables, etc. I needed to pick up a floor lamp and maybe a desk lamp too. After that, I stopped to pick up some thing we needed around the house and a cell phone. I decided to just buy one here since I go rid of the one I had back home. When I was done, I decided to go home and relax.
Pulling into the driveway, I glanced at the clock and saw it was around 1pm. Taking everything from the car, I quickly put it away and went back upstairs. My room was still pretty empty, and my bags were still sitting on the floor packed.
Unboxing the floor lamp, I quickly put it together and turned it on. It made the room a bit brighter and maybe a little bit more like me.
I called Charlie from my new phone, explaining my purchase and telling him I was going over to Jakes.
When I got to the Blacks, I headed straight to the garage, finding the person I was looking for.
"Hey you," I said kicking his foot from under the car.
"Hey!" he said rolling out from under the car.
"Hows the car coming along?" I asked sitting on the couch.
"Slowly," he said rubbing his hands on a towel. Getting up, he came to sit next to me, placing an arm behind me.
"So what brings you here?" he asked.
"Nothing, just wanted some company. Charlie's not coming home till dinner time so I have some time to spare."
"What have you done all day?"
"Went and got some things for the house, my room and picked me up a cell phone."
"Oh a cell phone lets see." He said with his hand out waiting. I slapped my razor phone in his hand and he observed it.
"Pretty nice phone," he said putting his number in my phone and then handing it back to me.
"Yea, it will do," I smiled up at him.
"So what have you been up to?" I asked.
"not much," he shrugged. "its Friday," he said with a smile.
"And?" I asked.
"It's the weekend." He said with a certain tone.
"Yes…"
"Which means no school."
"Right," I said with a laugh. I forgot he was still at La Push High. "So how was school?" I asked.
"So boring," he said with a groan.
I let out another laugh. High school was so much different than college. I mean, I know he was a senior, but still.
"So there is a bonfire on Sunday, you coming?" he asked.
"Sure, no one told me," I said.
"Everyone is still putting it together. Your dad probably doesn't even know yet," he said.
"Everyone?" I asked confused.
"The Elders- my dad, Quil Sr. and, Harry" Jake said. "They usually put these things together, kind of like a nice get together. It reminds us we are part of a family."
"Oh, okay," I said not sure what to say. I was about to ask more about, like who would be coming and what we would do, but before I could open my mouth my cell phone rang.
"Hello?" I asked pulling it out of my back pocket.
"Hey Bells," Charlie's voice rang out, "I know I said I would be home around 6 but I am running a bit late and so I might not be home till 7."
"Its okay, im still at Jakes." I told him. A thought popped into my head and I rolled with it. "Hey dad, did you just want to eat at the Black's? I'm sure Uncle Billy and Jake wont mind me cooking for them."
"That okay with them?" Charlie asked. I looked over to Jake and saw him nod his head vigorously. I let out a laugh and turned back to the phone.
"Yea dad, they are all for it."
"Okay, well then I will see you there around 7." He said. We said our goodbyes and hung up and Jake slapped me a high five.
"Nice! I get a homemade dinner by Bella Swan." I continued to giggle as I stood up from the couch.
"Alright, well since I am cooking, I am going to head inside your house. You coming?" I asked.
He nodded, getting up and leading the way.
"You're like a kid at Christmas," I said laughing.
"Because your cooking is like Christmas," he spoke. My laughter continued, especially when I wasn't walking fast enough for Jake's liking. He swooped me up, pulling me onto his back for a piggyback ride and ran to the house.
"You're crazy," I breathed when he put me down in the front of the house.
"Crazy for your food," he smiled.