If you were with me tonight

I'd sing to you just one more time

A song for a heart so big God wouldn't let it live

-Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World

Chapter Two

The family stood in a circle around a large hole that had been dug in the backyard, right next to the trickling stream. It was surprisingly lovely outside. The sky was scattered with clouds that moved back and forth, sometimes covering the sun. There was a light breeze in the air causing the leaves to rustle. Birds were chirping pleasantly. The world did not seem to know that it was the darkest day for every person standing around the grave that bright morning.

We obviously had no bodies to bury, but Carlisle said there needed to be some permanent monument that the family could visit. Rosalie had spent the evening carving into a boulder in the backyard, using her nails to etch the names of Edward and Alice on the stone, along with the words, "always loved, never forgotten." Placed in the hole was a memento representing each person. Esme and Carlisle had picked out each item. Edward's composition book had been placed gently in the shallow hole along with Alice's favorite ballet flats. Carlisle told me they had shipped overnight their most important items before they left for Italy, expecting that they would be moving back to Forks. They didn't know that they would be burying some of these items.

Nobody was looking at each other, but rather we were all staring down at the symbolic grave, lost in the moment of silence that Carlisle asked for.

I was burying my heart, or what was left of it in this small grave. I didn't know if it was even big enough to hold all the love that I held for Edward. I didn't want to leave him behind. I couldn't imagine a life without him. At least when he left me, I knew that he existed somewhere. But Edward was no longer in this world. He had traveled to the next world without me.

I was going to be alone. I had lost a best friend and the love of my life in one day. When Esme woke me this morning, she told me that they were not going anywhere and that I would always be a part of their family. Although I appreciated that sentiment more than I could ever vocalize, it just wasn't the same. They were not what I wanted. I wanted Alice to force me into some ridiculous gown. I wanted Edward to kiss me goodnight. I wanted to feel whole, and I feared that I would never feel that again.

I never thought I would have to bury a child again. That may have been the darkest day of my human life, but this was the darkest for my vampire life. Alice and Edward were not related to me by blood, but that didn't matter. I was physically only a few years older than them and technically they were older than me as vampires. That did not change the maternal feeling I felt towards them.

How was I supposed to come to terms with the fact that Alice would no longer dance into a room, brightening it instantly with her bubbly personality? She would no longer ask Rosalie and me to go on an impromptu fashion trip to Seattle.

And Edward, my son, was gone forever. His selfless soul was permanently extinguished. Oh God, I would never hear the piano again. He would never play my song. I couldn't stop the tearless sob from escaping me as that thought crossed my mind. I knew that nobody would have the heart to touch the piano for a long time, if ever.

I had never known death before. My life had always been full of life, even when I died. I mean I had missed my family that I had left behind, but honestly, I gained more in Rosalie. Now I had to taste the bitterness of death. There was darkness in me that I had never known before. Even at my worst when I had accidentally killed before, it had never affected me that much. I would feel terrible for one or two days and then I could shake it off.

I can't shake this off. This sorrow in my heart would always be with me.

I had actually never felt old before. How was I supposed to respond to burying my children, even if it was just symbolically? I had witnessed my share of grief over the years, especially at the hospital, but that was different. That was as a witness, as a bystander. It was easy to show compassion and to give out words of comfort. It had never been ungenuine, but now I had to question what I had said in the past. I ran through those same words I had told so many families before, but none of those words rang true.

They are in a better place. I didn't know for sure. How do I presume to think that they are in heaven right now?

They didn't suffer. Knowing the Volturi, they did.

With time, your pain will heal. Everything was vivid as a vampire, memories did not fade. I felt like this pain would never ebb.

The worse part was looking at Bella and Jasper. Each time I felt an intense emptiness that I couldn't even put into words. There was no light in their eyes and I wish I could do something to bring it back.

I wanted justice. I wanted retribution. I wanted someone to kill to make up for the loss that I felt. There was no revenge I could focus on this time around. Killing Royce and his buddies had given me a sense of closure. I wanted that closure now, but I couldn't go up against the Volturi, and I couldn't full heartedly blame them. Edward had broken the law knowingly, and he got what he wanted, even if I did not want that for him. I truly wished that Alice had not gone in after him. I no longer had a sister, and I wished with all my heart that it wasn't the case.

I felt remorse for every bitchy thing I ever said to either sibling. I honestly never had a concept of any of us seizing to exist. I had always counted on the fact that I would have time to balance everything I said and did that was horrible with something kind. I guess that was an awful philosophy and I now I know that even every vampire life was precious.

What was the point of this life? I had honestly thought Alice would be with me forever. I never thought she would leave me. Why hadn't she let me come with her? Maybe I could have gotten her out of there. I would have gone in her stead without hesitation. Maybe that's why she didn't want me to go. But, why then? Why did she get to choose who got to live without the other? Why do I have to live the rest of my existence without her?

I honestly didn't know if I could live this life. I loved the Cullens and respected them immensely, but I honestly never felt more than Alice's husband. I know that Carlisle and Esme felt differently and didn't want me to leave, but could I do that for them? Could I continue this constant battle with my nature for them? It was never a question with Alice. She was completely worth every sacrifice. She was worth every painful day in school, breathing in the appetizing smell of all of the young and healthy teenagers. Could I find a reason to lead this life without her?

What was worse was to think I was a widow. I was no longer married. I looked down at the simple golden band on my ring finger. I slid it off slowly, not liking the feeling of it being gone. Even when we went to school I just moved it to my middle finger. The band was so a part of me, but that part of me had died with Alice. It would never come back.

I did believe in an afterlife, but I did not share Edward's belief that we were all damned souls. I knew I was, there was no redemption for the sins I had committed. But I knew no higher being could reject such pure souls such as Edward's and Alice's. It was also not possible that they didn't exist. I couldn't live in such a universe that allowed that.

I stepped forward from the shadows, where I had been standing against a tree. I wanted to say my peace

"I'm going to miss these two. They were two of the most patient souls. They put up with my, well, my difficulties with being around humans in a truly accepting manner. I don't know what we are going to do without them. I love you, my little Alice." I walked closer to the grave and leaned over. I took the ring in my hand and dropped it in the grave. There was a muted plop as it hit the bottom.

Esme stepped forward. "I loved you both as my own children and my heart is breaking in a way that I was hoping I never would have to feel again."

It was Carlisle's turn to speak. "I had never been so honored to be your father. I was so proud with how you two took to this lifestyle. Alice, you were the most cheerful vampire I have ever met, and I don't know what this family will do without you. There will always be a hole in this family that nobody can fill except you. Edward you will always hold a special place in my heart as my first companion. I could not have picked a better person to be with for the rest of my life. I will miss you, my son, my brother, my friend."

Emmett made a noise as if clearing his throat, although it was unnecessary. "I'm going to miss just hanging around you two. Alice you were wicked awesome at Guitar Hero and I don't know who I am going to play with now. Edward you were the best hunting partner. Hunting grizzlies is no longer going to be the same without you."

Rosalie's clear voice was the next to ring out. I never had heard her voice so somber before. "You were my family and although I made it abundantly clear I did not pick this life, you two helped to make me enjoy this life that we shared. I will miss you more than I can ever express. You are my true brother and sister and I will never forget you."

"Alice, you gave me a best friend when I needed it most. You were so supportive of me and welcomed me into this family without hesitation or fear. I will never be able to thank you enough for your love and acceptance." Bella paused here, tears flowing freely down her face. It took her a minute to gather up the strength to continue. "Edward, there is really nothing more to say than I love you and I'm sorry I was not enough."

Each of them stepped forward and took a handful of earth and sprinkled it on the items at the bottom of the hole. We each murmured a final goodbye as we passed.

"May Angels lead you in," Carlisle whispered breathlessly.

"Bella, I should probably take you home to Charlie," I told Bella as we sat in the front room after the memorial. For the last hour the family had just been sitting around in the front room, not saying anything. The silence wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, but it was heavy with grief. Bella had managed to keep her crying restrained to silent tears that constantly poured from her eyes.

Bella hesitated. "I don't know if I am ready to face him. What am I supposed to say Carlisle?"

"I'll go with you and explain it to him," I reassured.

Bella nodded meekly. "Are you guys…will you be…" Bella drifted off.

Surprising everybody in the room, Rosalie was the one to respond. "We aren't going anywhere."

Bella's head whipped over to face Rosalie. Rosalie's eyes were dark, but somehow there was a softness there that had not been there anytime before. Neither smiled, or said anything more to each other but an understanding passed through them. They were united in their grief.

"Of course not, we're all set up to move back and you're welcome over here anytime," Esme chimed in.

"Thank you. I think I am ready to go home then." Bella tried to sound resolute.

"I'll take you home." I stood and offered out my hand to Bella, helping her to her feet. She stumbled slightly, but I caught her easily. I put my arm around her and led her out to my car. She slid into the car, and I quickly joined her, starting the car.

She trained her eyes on the outside, staring at the woods surrounding the road. Bella's voice was subdued as she broke the quiet. "I remembered how when I first arrived in Forks I had thought all the green was suffocating and unnerving. Now it just reminds me of how much life is here, and what is now missing from my life."

I frowned at her words. I reached out and patted her shoulder, trying to give her comfort, knowing that it probably didn't help much.

The drive did not last long enough in my mind and soon we were outside of her house. All the lights were on and Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway. She took a deep breath and got out of the car slowly. I joined her, taking her hand into mine. The moment we stepped through the door, Charlie came storming in from the front room.

"Bella?" His voice came out strangled with emotion as he enveloped her in his arms. He peaked around her head and noticed me standing in the doorway. "Dr. Cullen. Is something wrong?"

"Bella is fine, if that's what you are asking," I answered calmly. "But I would appreciate it if we could talk."

Charlie released Bella and stepped back, unsure of what was going on. "Um, of course." He looked at Bella, not knowing whether or not she was welcome in this conversation.

Bella probably didn't know if she had to be there either. She gave me a pleading look.

"Bella, why don't you go lie down for a while?" I leaned forward and kissed Bella on the forehead.

Bella obeyed my orders and trudged up the stairs to her room.

"Please have a seat Dr. Cullen." Charlie motioned towards the couch.

I sat down on the edge, my body stiff. It was hard to keep up the pretense of being human. My mind could do many things at once, but grieving for my children and having this talk with Charlie was about the limit of my control. "An accident happened this weekend."

"Bella?" Charlie choked out.

"She wasn't there," I quickly assured him. "Alice and Bella had gone off down to California to come see us. Two days before, Alice and Edward went to go pick us up some food and they were hit by a drunk driver."

"Are they okay?"

"No, they…" My calm demeanor slipped. "They died in the accident."

Charlie gasped, "oh God." Then he turned to glance up in the direction of Bella's room, new found concern on his face. He shook his head and turned back to me. "I'm so sorry. How's your family taking it?"

"As best as can be expected. We are going to move back up here. Esme didn't like the city to begin with, but this just expedited the change. We'll be here if Bella needs us."

"A little too late," Charlie muttered.

I didn't even have the heart to get angry at Charlie because I felt the same way. Ever since we had left I had felt guilty that I had abandoned Bella. Even at the time I knew that it had been the wrong decision, but somehow I couldn't deny my son that decision. I honestly thought we would come back eventually and everything would work out. I hadn't been able to fathom anything tragic happening because of Edward's actions.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," Charlie apologized.

I held up a hand to stop him. "Don't worry about it. I feel the same way myself. The only thing I can do is be here for Bella and I hope Bella will be there for us. I think she will be good for my family."

"I don't know if she is going to be good for anybody. You don't know how bad it was when you guys left," Charlie said in a non-accusatory voice.

"How was she?" This was the first time I heard anything about Bella's life during the months we had been gone.

"Well, she had a tough go at it towards the beginning. She didn't talk much. She stopped listening to music. She stopped hanging out with anybody. It was getting a little better over the last couple weeks as she hung out more with her friend Jacob. I'm not saying things were perfect but she was improving. I just don't know how she is going to be able to handle this."

"Well, Esme and I are here if you need us. We really do care about Bella a great deal and I know it will mean a lot to both of us to have her nearby."

"Is there anything you can do for her, I mean as a doctor? Can you recommend anything that I can do for her?" Charlie asked desperately, probably feeling helpless.

This was a little easier to talk about, something I could actually speak on and understand. "Make sure she has plenty of fluids and eats something. I'm afraid for her health. She will probably be unfocused and I would keep her out of school for a little while."

"It's spring break still. I think she is only a couple of credits from graduating."

"If she has problems with school Esme can home school her," I offered "She has an education degree from Central. Honestly it would serve as a distraction to the family. Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper are taking a break from college to be with us."

"Thank you doctor, I will keep that in mind."

I rose, reaching out to shake Charlie's hand. Charlie stood to meet me. "I truly am sorry for your loss. If you need anything just call me."

"Thank you Chief Swan. I will. And if you notice any abnormal behavior with Bella, call me immediately, anytime."

I walked out and headed to my car, letting my grief to fully consume me. It was paralyzing. All I wanted to do was get back to house and not move for days.

A/N: I know all of the different perspectives are kind of confusing. Initially these first two chapters were in third person, but I switched to first person in chapter 3 and I want the story to be consistent in perspective, so I had to change it up some. From here on out except for one scene the story will be from Jasper and Bella's perspectives, rotating between them. Things will also pick up a little, these two chapters are setting the scene.

Thanks for all of you that have either reviewed, favorited, or put on alert. It means a lot to me. Let me know what you think of this chapter.