When high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

-Fix You by Coldplay

Chapter Five

The walk back was peaceful, and I don't think Jasper was using his powers to do that. He continued to hold my hand and lead me along the pathway at human speed without complaining. Every now and again Jasper would swiftly pick me up by the waist, helping me over a fallen tree trunk or a particularly rough part of terrain. We finally reached the truck. Surprisingly, or not surprisingly after I thought about it, Jasper put out his hand for the keys.

"Would you mind if I drive us back?"

I looked at him skeptically. "Do you think I can't drive? Or do you just not want to have to endure my driving at human speed?"

The corner of Jasper's lips twitched slightly and he glanced down briefly before looking back up. "I actually just want to drive your truck. I have always admired it. They don't make trucks like this anymore. I promise I won't push it above 40."

"Really? I don't believe you. You vampires love to drive fast."

"Come on, I have walked back with you at human speed. I can handle human speed well enough. Remember, I said I would never lie to you." He wiggled the fingers of his hand he was holding out. I couldn't resist him. I grabbed the keys and dropped them into his hand. He smiled at me, but I noticed it did not completely reach his eyes. My new goal in life was to eventually make him smile completely. Now that I thought about it I don't think I had ever seen him completely grin, ear to ear. I couldn't picture it. I couldn't imagine his laugh either. It's just something I had never experienced.

Jasper continued to the truck, opened the door for me, and helped me in, careful of my arm. He shut the door and went around to the driver side. Hopping in, he put the key in the ignition and turned it. The trucked growled as it started up. "I miss that sound. I used to have a truck very similar to this back in the 60's. I loved it and it never failed me."

"What happened to it?" My curiosity was piqued as I had never heard anything about Jasper's past.

"Emmett happened to it," Jasper replied bitterly.

"Emmett crashed it? How did he manage that?"

"Rosalie and he were off road racing in the hills of Montana and needless to say my truck did not survive. I was not happy with him."

I winced. Jasper actually drove my truck very gently. He did not go over 40 like he promised. Actually he stayed at a conservative 30 most of the time. He was true to his word. I would remember that. I had no reason to doubt him.

It was silent in the truck for a few minutes which led to Jasper asking, "What happened to the stereo we got for you?"

"Well," I muttered unsure. "Um, well, I had a problem with reminders of you guys and I didn't really listen to music much. Music reminded me of Edward."

We arrived at the house and he turned off the truck, coming around and grabbing me from the truck. "How did you take it out?"

I sheepishly looked at him. "I dug at it with my nails. I didn't want to hurt myself with any tools. I have a tendency to do that with sharp items. The stereo is somewhere in my closet." Jasper just shook his head at that as he walked me to the door, where we stopped. What happened now? "Are you going to leave me?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

I didn't hesitate before answering, "Yes, you can meet me up in my room if you don't mind."

"I'll meet you up there then." With that he darted off to the side of the house.

I stepped into the house, setting my purse and keys on the table by the door. I looked into a mirror for the first time and saw my slightly scratched face, but it didn't look as bad as it should. "Bella?" Charlie called out from the front room.

I walked into the front room and saw him lying down on the couch, watching a news report on Mariner's spring training. "Hi, dad."

"Are you okay?"

"Actually, I am. I just needed to do something personal, but I feel better now. I think I am going to go to bed. I feel really tired." I yawned to illustrate my point.

"Okay, Bells. Holler if you need anything."

"I will," I assured him as I went up the stairs, hoping that Jasper would be in my room waiting for me. Sure enough there he was standing against the wall, waiting patiently, with what looked to be my former stereo at his feet. "What did the stereo do to you? It was just an innocent bystander in all of this. I'll have to buy you a new one."

"No, you don't," I cut in emphatically. "You don't need to go spending money on another overpriced stereo system that I won't use."

"This whole not listening to music thing has got to go. We'll have to work on this."

I really didn't feel like arguing with him. The Cullens were very stubborn so I knew I wasn't going to change his mind at the moment. I went over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of sweats and a tank. "I'm going to go take a shower before bed."

"Wait," he stopped me with his hand. "You can't get your cast wet."

I looked down at my right wrist. I had gotten used to having casts before that I forgot I had this one.

"I'll be right back," he said as he darted out of the room. I counted to seven before he was back with saran wrap, plastic bags, and duct tape in hand. "Now, let's fashion your arm up for the shower." He sat down on the bed and patted the seat next to him. I followed him and sat down, giving him my arm. He took it gently and put a plastic bag over my hand, taping it down tightly. He then started wrapping my arm in numerous layers of the saran wrap. He followed that up with layers of duct tape holding it all down.

I raised my eyes at Jasper. "This will protect me well from the water, but it will be kind of difficult to get off."

"You're forgetting, vampire. I can have that off easily."

I chuckled, "sure, sure." I got up, grabbing my clothes as I headed to the bathroom. The shower was wonderful. I relished the feeling of the hot water and let it wash off all the dirt from yesterday and trekking through the woods today. I washed away all my stress and worry. I didn't mind the grief as much anymore. I didn't fight the stray tears that would fall from my eyes. The grief didn't feel like it was going to pull me under, but rather the soft cries felt cathartic as if I was expelling a tiny bit of the pain from my system.

The moment the door clicked behind Bella, I pulled out my phone and pressed speed dial three. The conversation we had in the truck disturbed me. When she said she didn't listen to music anymore because it reminded her of Edward, that sat with me wrong, but I wrote it off as just something that she had gone through after we left. But, then when I got up to the room I started by glancing at her books, seeing what was in her collection. At first I noted that she had a lot of Victorian classics and that she was missing some of the more modern classics like Steinbeck and Vonnegut. I was planning on some of the books that I would buy her to fill out her collection when I looked a little closer and noticed the layer of dust that was on all of her books. It was very fine. The books had a stale smell, as if none of them had been opened recently. I did another cursory glance of the room and found that her desk was similar. Everything about the room was untouched. I had never thought about what our departure, or more specifically Edward's had done to her. It worried me now more that she had been mumbling about her not being enough for Edward. I was hoping that Carlisle knew more about this than I did. If Edward had confided in anybody, it would have been our father.

"Hello, Jasper?" Carlisle's voice was instantly a calming force on me. I didn't even have to be in his presence to feel the effect. Everything about him was soothing and I needed that at the moment. Everything about Bella was making me feel like I was out of my skin. Her emotions ranged from amused to depressed and I never knew how she got there.

"Carlisle, did Edward ever say how he broke up with Bella?" I was careful to speak in a quick and soft voice, making sure that Bella couldn't hear me. I thought I should be fine as long as I could hear the shower running.

"He just told me that it was very hard on him and that he had to lie in order to get her to let him go. Why do you ask?" Carlisle's voice was thick with concern. Of course he would be.

"I think she is more messed up from him leaving than any of us ever thought. She was rambling earlier about how she had never been enough for Edward."

"When did she say this?" Carlisle sounded confused now.

"She went out to their clearing earlier to say goodbye to Edward and Alice. I followed her and we kind of got to talking. She blames herself for their death because she was the reason Edward left. I didn't know what that was about. And now she is talking about how she stopped listening to music after he left because it reminded her of Edward. Then I noticed that she hasn't touched her books in months." I realized a little too late that this implied that I was in her room now. He didn't question me on that though.

"You are going to have to talk to her and ask what happened."

"I won't know what to say to her. I think you should talk to her."

"No, I really think it should be you. You started this, so you should finish it. Not to mention you are probably the only one she will believe. If he had lied about loving her, you first hand knew Edward's emotions. You will be able to convince her that he did love her. Find out what happened since we left and make sure she knows we all care about her. We aren't leaving her. I think that is all you can do. Just be honest with her."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "I will. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Carlisle softly replied before he clicked the phone off.

I shut my own phone and placed it back into my jeans' pocket. The water in the bathroom was shut off as Bella finished up her shower. I looked around the room quickly and pulled up her desk chair to the side of the bed. I really didn't think it would be appropriate for me to be on the bed while she slept; besides that was Edward's place. It was going to be weird enough spending the night in the room with her without me being on her bed. I settled myself onto the wooden chair and waited for Bella to come back into the room, running my mind through what I needed to say to Bella.

A few minutes later Bella stepped in, her hair tied up messily. She was in a pair of sweats and a tank top. She looked like she was comfortable. She felt relief when she saw me still in the room. She smiled gently at me before walking over to the bed and crawling under the covers. I could feel her natural exhaustion and I knew at that moment that I would wait to talk to her tomorrow. Today had been filled with enough excitement. She put her arm out for me, her broken wrist still covered in my handiwork. I quickly unwrapped her wrist and crumpled the plastic before tossing it into her wastebasket next to her desk. I took her hand in mine and gently stroked the fingers that peaked out from the cast. Without any of my help her eyes started to droop and I knew she was drifting off into one of the first nights of restful sleep in a long time.

"Goodnight Jasper."

"Goodnight Bella."

I remembered that just yesterday I had thought it was insanely weird that Edward would sneak into Bella's room and watch her sleep. Well, I still thought it was odd that he snuck into the room without Bella's permission, but it was less weird the watching her sleep part. I never noticed how even and shallow a human's breath was when she was sleeping. Her eyes sometimes fluttered and she would toss in bed, throwing the blankets off of her. I would quickly push the blankets back on her to make sure she stayed warm.

Her talking in her sleep was also very interesting. I kept myself busy by trying to come up with what she was thinking of each time she said a name. What were her dreams about? Sometimes her emotions would be happy and sometimes they would be sad. There was no pattern with a name and emotion, so it made for a kind of fun guessing game. I kept track of how many times she said each of our names. Edward was by far the highest with nine times. Alice came in second with seven times. I was a respectable third with four times. Then there was Emmett in a distant fourth with one random shout out. I wish I could drink alcohol because I had a feeling this was the makings of a really good drinking game.

The sky started to lighten outside, but I could tell it was full of clouds. It would be overcast. I wouldn't be stuck inside today which was a good feeling. I wasn't necessarily looking forward to the night being over though. I still didn't know exactly what I was going to say to Bella, but I needed to know what had been going on since we were gone. What had she gone through?

Bella started to wake up and I knew I would have to face her soon enough. She stirred and slowly rose from her bed looking around the room confusedly before she met my eyes. "Mornin' Isabella."

"Good morning Jasper," she replied, yawning. She pushed the covers back and got out of the bed. "Excuse me for a few minutes while I get dressed."

"I'll go downstairs and wait for you. Charlie already left an hour ago," I told her easily, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

"Thanks."

I ran down the stairs and headed into the kitchen. Bella needed to eat. I don't think a human needed my vampire sight to notice the difference in Bella's weight. I looked around the kitchen, clueless as to what to make her. I honestly had no conception of human food besides what I bought daily at school. I usually just cycled through the choices, not giving much thought to what I was actually buying. I had no memory of human food either.

Well, I remembered Carlisle saying fruits and vegetables are good on various occasions, telling a patient to eat healthier. So, I took a glass bowl that had some apples and oranges in it and placed it over on the kitchen table. Then I glanced through a couple cupboards and found some cereal. Ah, I've seen numerous commercials about this stuff. So I grabbed a couple boxes, put them on the table so Bella had choices. I then went to the fridge and pulled out the milk for her as well. I actually felt very proud of creating such a lovely spread of food.

A few minutes later Bella came down the steps, stumbling onto the main floor. I shook my head at her clumsiness. The simplest acts were a trial for her. When she came into the kitchen and saw the table laden with food a warm feeling trickled through her body. "Thank you, Jasper. That's thoughtful of you. I don't know how hungry I am though."

I pulled a chair out from the table and motioned for her to sit down. "Try for me. You really need to eat. I don't think Carlisle is bluffing when he says he will put an IV in you if he feels it is necessary."

"You're probably right," Bella sighed, plopping herself down in the chair. She looked at her choices and paused for a second. I realized there was something missing from her place and I quickly ran over to the cupboards, trying to locate the one with the bowls. Once I had finally grabbed a bowl I knew I needed to now find a spoon. I zipped through the kitchen finding the silverware and snatching up a spoon. Bella was turned around in her chair and there was a hint of a smile in her eyes as she watched my search with amusement. I placed the objects in front of her and was rewarded with another thank you.

I sat down on the opposite side of the table, readying myself to watch for any hint of her picking at or hiding her food. She seemed to guess my purpose so she resolutely grabbed a box of cereal with the word Cheerio's emblazoned on the front. She shook out a bowlful of the contents before pouring some milk over the little circular bits. She ate a small spoonful, slowly chewing them. She seemed to decide that they weren't too bad before diving into them with more fervor. She probably had not realized how hungry she had been.

After she had finished eating she got up to put her dishes in the sink and put the cereals back in the cupboard. She turned to me as if asking what now?

"I was hoping we could talk, would that be okay?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Do you want to stay inside or we could go sit outside."

"Outside," she responded quickly.

I led the way outside and opted for a place about 30 feet into the woods. Although it was overcast, there were a few pockets of open sky that the sun could peek through. I didn't want to take any chances. I found a relatively smooth place free of ferns and sat down with my back against a tree. Bella did the same with a tree that was about four feet away.

"What do we need to talk about?" She asked nervously.

"I need to know what Edward said when he left and what has happened since then." I decided straightforward was the way to go.

"Why do you need to know that?"

"Because, we don't know how he broke up with you and you seem to have not gotten over that. How can you recover from Edward's death if you haven't even healed from when he left? I'm very concerned about you and I know the rest of the family feels the same way."

"I just don't know if I can do that. I don't like talking about it; in fact I actually actively try to block it."

"You can do it though," I encouraged her. "Come on, you ate that cereal and you didn't think you could."

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "Eating a bowl of cereal is not comparable to talking about the darkest period of my life."

"I guess not. But that doesn't change the fact that you can do it."

She hesitated for a few minutes but I didn't push her any more because I knew she would get there on her own. I knew with every fiber of my being that she was one of the strongest people I would ever know. She would get through this and I would help her anyway I could. I knew that right now that meant being patient with her.

"Where do I start?"

"Start after the party. We have no idea what happened after he decided that we would all leave. Alice and I left almost immediately by his request."

"Well, during the next couple of days Edward was distant. I felt like he was kind of pulling away, which I guess I now know he was," Bella smile ruefully. "He took me out to the woods, actually probably somewhere near here. He told me that he didn't love me anymore and that his kind got easily distracted. He said I would soon forget everything about him and I would continue on. Then he left me here. I tried to chase him but I ended up getting lost. I laid on the forest floor for hours before Sam Uley came and found me."

"So wait…" I was about to ask her about how Edward could leave her in the woods when she put up her hand up to stop me.

"Please, let me get this out. You can answer all the questions you want, but I think I just need to say it all in one go."

"I won't say a word," I agreed.

"The next week or two I don't really remember. I barely left my bed. The only thing that got me out of it was that my mom came and threatened to take me back to Phoenix. I couldn't have that because it would be like he didn't exist. He already took the pictures and the cd he made for me. The next part was the zombie phase."

"I was lifeless for months. I went through the motions of everyday life, but that was all I had the energy for. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I spent all my time either cooking for Charlie or doing my homework. My life was empty. However, a couple of months ago Charlie had no more of it and threatened to have my mother come back up here if I didn't start snapping out of it. So that's what I did. I tried hanging out with my friends again and that ended badly. I ended up in with Jessica in Port Angeles where I approached a group of drunk men because when I got near them I heard Edward's voice in my head."

I couldn't help it. I was about to speak at that. I wanted to know more about this hearing voices in the head bit. My life was a weird one. At least we vampires had an excuse for our peculiarities, but what was Bella's excuse? When Bella made a face at me though I let her continue.

"Life got a little rocky after that but I ended up hanging out with my friend Jacob. He helped a lot. Whenever I was around him I felt like things might be okay. He helped make me feel whole again. He was a stopper for the hole in my heart. He was making me happy. Then he left too."

"What the fuck?" Damn my mouth. Bella was looking at me like I had a horn coming out of my head. I usually had a tight control on my language, but this was too much. What the hell had this woman gone? When she glared at me I pressed my lips together tightly.

She took a deep breath before continuing on. "He started to change and hang out with a group of people that I thought were in a gang. He couldn't talk to me. I felt horrible again. I didn't think I could recover. Luckily Jake came back to me and tried to explain his secret to me. He had to do it in a really round about manner, but I found out that he was a werewolf. He had changed and now he was a part of this pack. I saw them before he told me when Laurent found me in mine and Edward's meadow. Laurent told me that he was working with Victoria and he was going to kill me when the wolves came and rescued me."

"Finally, he told me that there was another vampire lurking around, a female. I figured it was Victoria and sure enough she is trying to get me. I guess the final thing that happened before Alice showed up was me jumping off the cliff in La Push and Jake rescued me once again. That's my story." She let out a deep breath, finishing up. Tears started to slowly trail down her face and she let herself collapse in on herself, wrapping her arms around her legs that were pulled up to her chest. She rested her chin on top of her knees and looked at me.

"Wait, Victoria is back and she is after you?"

"Yes," she mumbled.

"You knew this and decided to go out on your own to ride your motorcycle? You also didn't feel like it was important to tell us this before Carlisle said it was okay for you to go traipsing about in the forest by yourself?"

"You would know all of this if you guys hadn't left. Is it my responsibility to tell you everything you missed while you were gone?" She spat out angrily. "Anyways, the wolves said they had it under control."

"I wouldn't trust a pack of immature werewolves with a creature like Victoria. She is cunning and dangerous."

"So you and your family should risk your lives trying to stop her?"

"We are more prepared than a bunch of teenagers. So yes we should."

Bella crossed her arms obstinately, clearly not agreeing with my sentiment but did not continue the argument. I knew she hadn't dropped the subject yet. She was stubborn and would find a way to come back to this.

"I guess the next obvious question is what were you doing jumping off the cliff?"

"I was trying to hear Edward's voice. I was not trying to commit suicide."

"Okay, well that brings me to my next question. You hear Edward's voice in your head? Like he is talking to you?"

"Yes. I figured out that if I did something stupid and dangerous, I could hear Edward's voice. He always sounded so angry but I didn't care. I didn't want to forget him and it was how I was going to keep his voice vivid. It was all I had left."

That's when something clicked in my head. "Is that what you were doing the other day with the motorcycle? Trying to listen to his voice?"

"Yes. I thought it was the only way left that I had that I could hear him. Maybe if I heard him then he really wasn't dead. So I took the motorcycle which was pretty much an almost guaranteed way of hearing his voice."

"Did you hear him?" I asked slowly. I thought I already knew the answer to this though when I remembered the disappointment she had felt at the time.

"No. It was the first time that I think I really realized that Edward was not coming back. He was gone for good."

"I had that moment too. I went back to the house the other day to change my clothes and take a shower. When I got to my room I finally realized that it was no longer our room but my room." I admitted.

"So, I'm not completely crazy?"

I couldn't help myself before saying sarcastically, "Well, I wouldn't go as far to say that. I still don't hear Alice's voice."

She rolled her eyes at me and there was a little bit of annoyance rising in her. I decided it would probably for the best to change the subject. "Well, I guess the final thing to talk about is Edward's goodbye. Did you really believe that he didn't love you?"

"Of course. I had always been waiting for this to happen. I knew the day would come when he would realize how plain I was in comparison to him and that there was little I brought to the relationship. We always felt off balance and it was just a matter of time before he moved on to something that held his interest more."

It was amazing, but Bella truly believed what she was saying. Her emotions did not show any bit of dishonesty. "Bella none of that is true."

"What?" She asked, disbelieving. She searched my face for traces that I was joking or lying.

"I can say with all honesty that I knew Edward's emotions better than anyone, even better than himself. I am not lying to you when I say that he loved you more than anything. That is why he left. He honestly thought that we were all a danger to you and that he couldn't risk your life anymore to keep you with him. I have to apologize again that it was me that confirmed his own worst conclusions about us. I am truly sorry that he broke up with you like that. I can't believe he lied so blatantly to you. I can't believe that you didn't think he was telling the truth. After all the time you two had spent together and all the time that he said he loved you, you actually thought that he had fallen out of love with you?"

Bella nodded. "Of course I did. I don't know if I ever believed it to begin with. It had all seemed like a dream and I didn't feel like I deserved him. The whole conversation was just a confirmation of what I had always thought was true."

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. How could she be so blind to herself? I remember saying something to her when we had been about to go on the run from James. I had told her that she was worth it. I remember at the time, and now it was put into even sharper relief, that she didn't believe that. I honestly had no idea what I could possibly say to her in order to get her to believe me. I wasn't sure that I could, but maybe eventually with time I could help her see herself more clearly.

"I know you don't believe me, and that's fine. Someday I will make you see that you are an amazing human and that you are worth all of the trouble you cause. Edward loved you. He truly did. He wouldn't have gone to Volterra if he didn't."

Bella looked at me disbelieving, but I wasn't sure she would be convinced unless Edward said the words himself, even that wasn't guaranteed. But, I felt the tiniest bit of doubt in her and I knew I had sewn that seed in her. Maybe it would grow within her and that would be my job to tend to that.

"I just have to say one final thing, and this dreadful conversation is over. You are the strongest person I know. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that. You have an amazing resilience in you. I am not sure I could say that I would have done the same. Honestly, I wouldn't have blamed you if you had jumped off the cliff to end your misery. I am truly sorry and I know that you have gone through so much, but I hope that we can help you through some of this in anyway that we can. All of us are here for you, even Rosalie."

"Thank you Jasper. That means a lot to me."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I spoke. "I need to talk to the family about some of the stuff you told me, specifically the news about Victoria and the wolves. However, Carlisle doesn't get off work for a couple of hours. What do you want to do until then? I'll do anything you want."

Bella contemplated this before speaking. "You just feel sorry for me and are trying to make me feel better. What if I said I wanted to go sky diving?"

"I've been twice, once with a parachute, once without."

"How were you able to go without a parachute?" She asked incredulously.

"Well, Emmett actually got his piloting license."

"Remind me never to agree to go flying with Emmett."

"No problem. So really, what do you want to do?"

"Do you want to watch a movie and relax?"

"Sounds good." I stood up and held my hand out to help her up. She took it without hesitation and I led her out of the woods back to the house.

"I'm right now going to veto Red Dawn. Emmett is obsessed with that movie and I have seen it way too many times."

"That's fine with me. That is one of my dad's movies. I want to watch something mindless." We both were gazing at the small movie collection that my dad and I had, trying to pick one out.

"How about a James Bond movie?" Jasper suggested.

"Sure, go ahead and pick one out."

"You should go get yourself a snack."

"I'm not hungry."

"For me, give it a try."

"Fine," I grumbled as I stalked into the kitchen and rooted around for something to eat. I stumbled across a half eaten bag of carrot sticks. I grabbed them and headed back into the front room where Jasper was sitting on the couch with the remote in hand. The Goldfinger dvd menu was currently lighting up the tv screen. I sat down next to Jasper on the couch, placing the bag of carrots in my lap.

"Ready?" Jasper asked, remote poised in hand ready to push play.

I nodded my head and soon enough we were watching the parental warning. Jasper glanced down at the bag of carrots and then up at me. I gave him a look as I took a carrot and quickly popped into my mouth, making a point of biting it loudly. Pleased, he turned his attention back to the screen. I really wanted to keep Jasper happy so I continued to munch on the carrots as the opening credits started. I polished off the carrots and threw the bag on the coffee table before settling back into the couch.

My eyes glazed over slightly as I only half took in the plot of the movie. There was a beautiful woman and some shooting, that was all I knew for sure. I kept thinking back to the way my life had changed so much over such a short period of time. I thought of Edward, whether or not he would enjoy this movie. Maybe he had seen all of the James Bond movies and was a big fan. Maybe he thought they were beneath him and had refused to watch any of them. Then as the main girl came on in a very form fitting outfit I thought of Alice and how much I wish she was here to criticize my fashion sense. I would give anything to hear her disapproving voice while she tried to force me into an all too frilly outfit.

I think Jasper started to notice my drifting attention. He pulled a small pillow from behind him and placed it on his lap, patting it. I settled my head on the pillow, stretching out along the couch. He took a throw blanket from the back of the couch and draped it across me gently, before turning back to the movie. He started to idly run his hand over my head, smoothing down my hair. It was immensely soothing as I drifted back to my daydreaming. I thought about Edward some more, but for the first time I could think of some of the happy memories of him. I remembered the time we stayed in bed all day and read Austen. Then there was the day that Alice and I went to Seattle together. Yes she dragged me to some clothing stores, but then we also we also went to the movies and then to the top of the Space Needle.

My eyes drooped and I couldn't believe I was tired after all the sleeping I had done. There was nothing that had been stopping me from sleeping since there was no school. School. Wait. "What day is it?" I spoke suddenly.

"Sunday," Jasper replied easily.

Oh my God. School started up tomorrow. I couldn't go back to school. There was no way I could deal with all the gossip and then be forced to pay attention in class.

"Bella? What is it?" Jasper's voice was concerned. "Breathe Bella."

I realized I was on my way to hyperventilating. I had been in my own world this last week that I had forgot about the existence of everything else. "I don't know if I can do school tomorrow. It's too much," I confessed, twisting my hands together.

He reached out and settled his hand on mine, but he didn't manipulate my emotions in any way. He just meant the gesture as reassuring. "You don't have to go to school if you don't want. Charlie told Carlisle that you were only a few classes from graduation. Carlisle suggested that Esme homeschool you if you wanted. She has an education degree and can help you graduate."

This information slowly settled into my brain. The Cullens were truly trying to take care of me. I appreciated that more than ever how much they did love me, even if they had left. They were trying to make up for what happened. The idea of Esme helping me finish up my degree made me feel calm. "She can teach me? I didn't know she had a degree in teaching."

Jasper started to run his thumb in soothing circles on my hand, still not using his power though to help me continue to relax. "Yeah, the family staid in Ellensburg a few years back while she got her degree in education. She got certified to teach elementary school and high school English."

"But isn't the eastside pretty sunny?"

"Yeah. It's almost the exact opposite weather than over here on the peninsula. She took night classes and Carlisle worked the graveyard shift in the ER. It was kind of a weird two years. It was the first time I really felt like a vampire, going out only at night. But it was nice. I liked it over there. It reminded me a little of Texas."

"Texas? Is that where you are from?" It shocked me but now that I thought about it I had no idea where Jasper was from. I knew everybody else's story, well only a vague recount of Rosalie's. But, I had never heard anything about Jasper's past. It had always seemed Edward was reluctant to talk about it and I obviously thought it was too rude to ask anybody else.

"Yeah, I'm from the South," his voice slipped into a southern drawl and it shocked me. "Is it that surprising that I'm from the south?" He asked, amused.

"Well, I don't know. I just never really pictured you from a particular place. You just seem so much like a vampire, that it was hard for me to picture you as human. I asked Edward once or twice about your past but he was always hesitant about telling me about it."

Jasper frowned slightly. "That's probably for the best. I don't have a happy past."

Well, now of course my curiosity was peaked. "Will you tell me about it?"

Jasper looked down at me, staring at me intensely as if sizing me up. "I don't know. Maybe, but just not today."

"Okay," I replied casually, not wanting to pester him, although I was dead curious. He could probably feel the curiosity coming off of me in palpable waves. But I didn't say anything further and turned my attention back to the movie. "I have no idea what is going on."

"Bond is about to save the day by doing something exceedingly amazing with a device Q gave him," Jasper spoke dryly.

"Why would you pick a movie that you didn't like?" I asked, wondering about the contempt that was in his voice.

"I don't know. It amuses me," Jasper shrugged. "Carlisle should be home by now. Do you want to come with me to the house?"

"Do I have a choice?" I wondered out loud.

"Sure, but I am only looking out for your safety by wanting you to come with me. With Victoria and wolves wondering about, I really think it would be best if you were with one of us at all times. Not to mention, I'm sure Esme would be happy to hear that you will be taking her up on her offer of teaching you."

"The wolves wouldn't hurt me."

"Not intentionally, but they are dangerous from what I heard Edward tell me about them."

I flinched a little at his name, but it didn't hurt as much as usual. That has to be an improvement. "Well, he was wrong. Jake and the rest of the pack protected me." Anger was slowly rising up in me as Jasper did not seem to be taking what I was saying seriously.

"Well, somebody should have been there protecting you from them."

"Maybe you're right, but since everybody else seemed to have left me, they were all I had left. They were the only ones who were sticking by me. That's more than I can say about certain other people," I spat out.

I now had Jasper's full attention as his eyes bored into my own. They were cold and hard. They actually scared me a little. But then after a second, his eyes softened and his body relaxed a little. "I'm sorry. You are right. We should have been there and I can't blame you for filling the space that we left behind. But it is just your luck that you would make friends with the resident wolves after the vampires leave town."

I knew I should be annoyed at that comment, but Jasper was truly repentant, I could feel him sending that emotion. I really didn't want to fight with him. "It was a shock to me as well. Next thing I'll find out about is the fairies that live outside in the woods."

"Wait, you know about them?" Jasper mocked.

I chuckled slightly, and that feeling of release was such a relief. I hadn't come close to laughing this last week. Sure it wasn't a true laugh that I was used to, but the chuckle felt nice. I was so thankful for Jasper at that moment. I rushed forward and hugged him tightly, well as tight as I could, considering I was still almost a foot shorter than him. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me close. A small sense of peace bubbled deep within me. It wasn't enough to outweigh the ever present grief and sadness, but it gave me something to hope for.

A/N: I know this has taken longer than promised to get out. Mainly, this chapter took more editing than thought and I started grad school and let's just say it is kicking my ass. I have to read 13 books in 10 weeks along with write two 15 page papers and a half a dozen smaller papers. So, I am still going to try to stick by my schedule, but I am way busier than I anticipated.

As for this chapter, I find it a little awkward and I know it is a little bit of a filler, but I kind of needed to set things up. I hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you think. Like I said before, all feedback is appreciated. Also, thanks so much for those that are following along and reviewing!