I was surprised to hear the front door of the Cullen's house open. Thinking it was Rosalie and Alice I continued playing. When footsteps became louder joining me into the living room I looked over to see who it was. Shock wasn't the word when I saw the whole Cullen family standing there.
"Hi," I said awkwardly. "Bella," Carlisle smiled warmly.
"I'm intruding am I?" I asked.
"Not at all Bella bean," Emmett said.
"So…how was hunting?" I asked breaking the silence. I felt uncomfortable as they all stood there watching me.
"Good," Edward said with a smile. "I got an unusual call though," Carlisle added, smiling as Esme joined him in the room.
"Oh?" she answered giving her husband a kiss on the cheek.
"The alpha wolf, Sam, was requesting to come over the border."
My breath came to a halt and I swear my heart stopped beating. "He said something about needing to check on you?"
"I-uhh-"
"I was surprised that he was calling and then I heard the situation."
"Are you okay Bella?" Alice said rushing over hugging me. "Edward called me to tell me what happened. I thought you would need a friend."
"Thanks," I blushed. "I'm sorry for bringing you all home."
"Bella, this hasn't happened since- well, ever. The wolf pack and vampires…Why didn't you tell us he imprinted on you?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it was just different. I didn't have to worry about all those things when I came here."
"We aren't mad Bella," Edward said reading my face. I nodded.
"Bella, you are bringing us together." Jasper said. I smiled. That was good right? So then why didn't I feel happy?
"Another song?" Rosalie interrupted. I nodded slowly. "Lets here it," she encouraged. Turning back to the piano, I stared at the keys.
("We Are Broken" by Paramore)
I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Yeah
'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole
Lock the doors
Cause I'd like to capture this voice
That came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights
I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war
We live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole
Tower over me
Tower over me
And I'll take the truth at any cost
'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole
When I finished, I felt somewhat relieved. I turned back to face the Cullen's and found the pack standing along with them.
I looked at all of them with shock. When did they come in? Why did they come in?
"You still remember," Jake said speaking first.
"I- yea," I said still a bit stunned.
"Drums too?" Embry asked. I nodded.
"You guys got here fast," I commented. Sam looked at me with a raised eyebrow. His arms still crossed in front of his chest.
"We'll let you guys…you know," Esme said nodding to her family. I gave her a grateful look, which she just brushed off with a motherly smile. As they all obeyed her, Alice came speeding over to give me one last hug. The pack stiffened and I hesitantly put my arms around her.
"I'll be here if you need to talk Bella," she chimed.
"Thanks," I blushed as she pulled away. Flashing me a pearly white smile she walked off with Jasper hand in hand.
"So…" I said, as we were all alone.
"You play here often?" Seth asked breaking the silence.
I shot him the most thankful look ever and nodded. "Yea, I like to come here and play their drums and piano. And as long as Emmett gets an exclusive, it's all good," I chuckled.
"You bet Bella bean!" his voice ran through the house. I grinned, starting to enjoy my nickname.
We talked a little more about my music, Sam being quiet the whole time. His silence had me thinking. Jake started easing me into talking about what happened today; just as were about to shove the elephant out of the room, Alice came yelling towards me.
"Bella! Why can I see your future?" she asked in a very mother like tone.
"What?" I told her confused. Her presence was shocking when she super sped in the room.
"I can see your future Bella Swan. And do you know what I see?" she asked. I thought about it for a second, getting why she was able to see it.
"No!" I said shooting up to cover Alice's mouth before she could say anything. "Alice don't," I warned. My mind was now made up, I could see that with Alice's arrival.
"Don't you 'don't Alice' me Bella! I shouldn't be able to see your future. I don't want to see your future," she told me with a hint of knowing in her voice.
"I know, and im sorry for that." I said, noticing Jasper walking up behind Alice. I could tell he felt bad for intruding in the room, but he was coming to get his wife after all.
"Stop right there Jasper," Alice warned. He did as he was told, shocked at her anger.
"Bella what you are about to do is stupid. You know that right?" she lectured. "Alice, stay out of this." I said politely.
"I'm sorry, what is going on?" Sam asked speaking up for the whole pack. I looked over at him briefly before looking away.
Alice gave me a disapproving look, even adding her hands on her hips to increase the effect.
"Alice, leave them be," Edward said coming in.
"Edward, you saw it. You have to tell Bella it's a bad idea," she pleaded.
"Its her choice," he said coming to stand next to her.
"But Edward," she said.
"Leave her be," he said giving me a small smile before leading her to Jasper.
"Thanks Edward," I whispered, knowing he would hear. He turned back giving me a nod, before leaving the room.
I let out a breath and turned back to the pack. "Sam can we talk?" He nodded stepping forward.
"Bells, you know we will just hear all of it when he phases right?" Jake said.
I rolled my eyes at my best friend. "It's the illusion that counts." The pack snickered and I led Sam outside to the balcony.
I stared out at the night while Sam stared at me. "Sam, I think I need to leave for a bit," I said gathering up the courage to look at him.
He searched my eyes, frozen for a second. "What?" he questioned. My heart drummed against my chest. "I think its best for me if I left Forks for a bit."
"No," he refused like it was obvious. I let out a shaky breath. I knew that it was coming.
"Sam, I'm not asking you," I said slowly. "I'm telling you."
"Why?" he questioned.
"Because it's the right thing to do," I said softly. He stayed silent for a while. Finally, he turned to face the night and leaned against the rail. "Is this because of Emily?"
I bit my lip.
"What she said to you- what she said to all of us…" he spoke.
"Was true," I said copying his stance. I leaned against the rail beside him, looking out at the stars.
"It was out of line," he corrected. "Whether it was right or wrong, she had no right to create such an outburst."
"She was hurt Sam," I spoke softly into the night. "What she was saying came from pain and anger. She didn't want to lose you."
"But she did- a long time ago," he said speaking to me.
"Everything she said," I breathed, now playing with my fingers, "just hit home. Every sore spot and every doubt I pushed away resurfaced." I turned, leaning my back against the rail now. "And I can't keep pushing them away. I need to deal with them, but in order to do that, I can't be here."
"I should have never met here," Sam breathed. My eyebrows furrowed. I wasn't expecting to hear that from him.
"Don't say that," I told him now leaning my chin on his shoulder. "She made you apart of who you are today."
"But if she wasn't here, you wouldn't be leaving," he said turning his head to look at me. His stare was mesmerizing. I got the chills just looking at him.
"That's not true," I spoke, smiling at the way he moved to hold me after seeing I was cold. "I don't think I really belonged here anyways."
"I think you do. You belong right here with me," he said whispering in my ear as he hugged me tightly against him.
"That I do," I agreed. "but I don't think this world was meant for me like it is for you. I have too many ghosts. Too many things I have been running from."
"So what are you saying?" he asked. I looked out into the sky and felt my heart drop. Turning into his arms, I put my hands on his chest. "I'm saying that until I can face my own fears, I shouldn't come back here."
"And how long is it going to take you to do that?" he wondered.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I wish I could give you a precise time, but I can't."
"You'll come back through right? You'll come back and we can be together?" he said pushing some hair away from my face. I looked up at him and nodded. "Yea," I replied, tears pooling in my eyes.
He sighed, hugging me close. Enjoying his warmth, I closed my eyes and melted in his arms. After a few more cuddles and hugs, we went back inside to face the boys.
"Don't bother, we heard," Paul said sitting on the couch. I sighed and sat down before Jake. "This is really what you want?" he asked.
"I think so," I said looking at Sam. Jake nodded and kissed my head. "Okay."
We stayed at the Cullen's house a while longer. I spent most of my time calming down Alice, telling her I would be back, she just couldn't see it. After that, I gave my thanks to Esme again, apologized to Carlisle one last time and then left with my boys.
"I cant believe you ran all the way here," Quil commented.
"I cant believe I actually made it here," I laughed as Sam wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"So what now?" Embry asked. "When do you leave?"
I bit my lip. "I don't know yet. Probably soon. My aunt said I was welcome any time."
"You've been keeping in contact with her?" Collin asked. I nodded. "Both her and Charlie offered to have me come stay with them after…well you know, after my mom killed herself."
They all nodded. "So anyways, her and I have been keeping tabs on each other. I think she is going to enjoy the news. She has been pretty eager for me to come out there and see her. She lives on a ranch in Kansas, so im sure I will help her with some of the responsibilities around there while enjoying the weather."
"How are you going to break it to Charlie?" Brady asked as my house was coming into view.
"Not sure yet," I breathed. "I think he already knew deep down that I was going to go, it was just a matter of time and the way things played out."
I felt guilt, and I knew it was from Sam. Tugging on his arm a bit, I shook my head and leaned my head on him. He had no reason to feel guilty. Emily wasn't his fault, nor was she his responsibility.
"Goodnight guys," I told them all as I got to my front porch steps. "night Bella," the replied, all going their own ways.
"Meet you out back?" Sam asked looking at me face to face since I was standing on the steps.
"As human or wolf?" I questioned wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Either or," he smiled.
"Wolf," I smirked. There was just something about the black furry ball of hair that I loved.
"You got it babe," he replied giving me a quick kiss. As he walked off, I watched him. "You know, I really should be jealous that you like me better as a wolf than a human," he told me walking backwards to smile at me.
I shrugged letting out a giggle. "Get over it." His eyes narrowed playfully and I let out a laugh. Shaking my head, I pulled back from the steps and went inside the house.
"Dad?" I called. Hearing the TV on, I walked into the living room and found him watching the game.
"You're leaving, I know," he said.
"How?" I questioned sitting on the couch.
"Billy called. Told me about Emily."
My eyes furrowed again. Just because he knew about Emily didn't give anything away. "Then Billy called again, said Jake told him you were leaving for Kansas."
I 'ohh-ed' inside my head. Watching his body language, I saw what seemed like anger and frustration. "I just think its better," I said gently.
He nodded. "Dad, I just want to clear my head, and I cant do that here," I said trying to get him to understand.
"What's so bad about being here Bells?" he asked me shutting off the TV. I now had his full attention.
"Its not you," I told him gently. "Sure feels like it," he quipped.
I sighed. "Its not- its just…everything here- its like I cant breathe." His eyebrows furrowed and he got up with a frustrated huff.
"Dad!" I said now standing up, sliding in front of him before he could leave the room.
"Get out of the way Bells," he told me.
"Just hold on," I said before he could yell at me. "I'm not leaving because of you. I'm not," I told him before he could protest again. He was just like me, so I knew I had to talk quick. "I just can't take it here. There are so many things I haven't dealt with."
"Like what?" he asked skeptically.
"Like mom's death," I said. His body softened so I continued. "I didn't get my time to mourn. I think I was too shocked to feel anything for a while. Seeing her body- it just took a lot out of me."
He stared at me, letting me continue. "So when I came here…there were a lot of things that reminded me of her- memories- like the way she placed and organized things throughout the house. Dad, they haven't changed from when we left. And the more I think about the old times, the more her death actually hits me." I sighed. "Its not a bad thing to keep the house this way, I think I just need to find a place to deal with all of that, and it cant be here."
"Why not the Cullen's?" he bargained.
"Because," I smiled, "When I mean a new place, I mean someplace not in the supernatural realm."
"Bells," he huffed acting like I was the difficult one.
"Dad," I said in an authoritative tone, "you were born into this world, I may have been at first, but im not anymore. And I need time to get readjusted to it. Vampires, werewolves…they aren't supposed to be real. They are supposed to mythical."
"But you and Sam are fine." He huffed acting like a 5 year old. "That's what the whole thing with Emily was about right? He finally broke up with her to be with you."
I cringed at the way he said it. "He ended things with her yes, but I wouldn't say things between us are fine. I don't know where we are right now, but I know we aren't doing anything for certain until I get back."
"And he is okay with this?" he asked.
I shrugged. "He isn't very happy, but he understands. What Emily said to all of us really got us thinking. And I don't just want to jump into a relationship like that. We did everything backwards. If this is going to work, I want to do it right."
He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Dad, I just want you to back me up on this. I will be back. Its not forever, I want to clear my head before coming back, that's all."
"You'll be back for sure?" he confirmed.
"I will."
"Alright," he sighed kissing my head. I smiled. "But I want you to call me every now and then. Kansas is kind of far away."
"Okay."
"Alright," he said again. "Then this old man is going to bed."
I nodded. "You coming?" he asked.
"No," I smiled, thinking Sam was waiting for me outside. "I'm going to stay down here for a while."
He accepted the answer when I brought up making a call to Aunt Betty. With another kiss goodnight, I took the empty beer can from his hand and let him march up to bed.
I called Aunt Betty; leaving a voicemail as I recycled Charlie's beer can in the trash. From there, I pranced outside, searching my eyes around the yard for Sam.
A black wolf stood sitting off to the side of yard, letting its tail wag back and forth.
"Hi," I grinned, walking off the back steps to see him. He got up, walking towards me too. Taking a step back, I realized how big he was. Settling down on the grass, I laid against him as he put his head on his paws.
"thanks for understanding," I told him as I played with a blade of grass. He let out a dog like sound. Leaning forward, I gave him a kiss on his furry ear and laughed when he popped his head up.
Licking me full on the cheek, I let out a squeal and fell on my butt. "Eww Sam!"
He got up, putting his two front paws on each side of me, and gave me another lick to the face. "Sam!" I laughed out. His doggy spit was gross. My giggles continued until I couldn't breath. He had me laughing under him like a maniac.
"Okay okay," I gasped. "I give."
Stopping his action, he stared in my eyes. "You know, I could kiss you right about now if you weren't a dog."
His eyes went a bit wider, which caused a chuckle to escape my lips.
"Too bad," I sighed dramatically getting up. The wolf moved backwards, taking a quick glance over at me before running to the woods.
Shaking my head, I let the grin continue to spread across my face as I got up. Wiping the grass off my butt, I turned to go inside. Arms caught my waist and twirled me around.
"Sam!" I laughed. The ground was beneath my feet again and I squirmed as he tickled me with kisses on my neck.
"Come on," I smiled getting away from his embrace. He looked at me confused. Rolling my eyes, I dragged him into the house behind me, quietly shutting the door.
Moving to walk upstairs, he caught my wrist and gave me a pointed look. Removing that look with a kiss, I took his hand and had him follow me upstairs.
"Sit," I commanded as we made it softly in my bedroom, shutting the door with a soft click.
"You think this is a good idea?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, still following my command.
I let out a laugh. "Its not like we are going to be doing anything except sleeping."
He nodded, still looking skeptical. "I like it when you're with me. You comfort the crazy thoughts in my head," I admitted. "Now turn," I commanded again as I went to lift my shirt over my head.
Doing as he was told, I quickly changed into my pajamas and jumped in his arms.
"Now what?" he asked staring at me and my lips.
"Now we kiss," I smiled, slowly moving my head to meet his. Making his move, he quickly mashed our lips together, sucking and pulling for control. Rolling me onto the bed, we kissed a while longer before pulling away.
"Stay with me?" I asked.
"Wouldn't go anywhere else," he said gazing into my eyes. I gave him one more peck on the lips before settling next to him trying to get comfy.
We ended up somewhat spooning. I laid cuddled into his chest while he ran his fingers through my hair playing with my long brown locks. Everything about him was comforting-his smell, his touch, the way he played with my hair, even the way he breathed. The calmness I felt when I was with him lulled me to sleep, barely thinking of my fears.
I woke up with a start, jumping up from bed gasping for breath.
"Hey!" he said startled rushing over to me. He looked me over, not seeing any injury. "Its okay, im right here," he said hugging me to him as I was gasping for breath. When he pulled away gently, I ran a hand over my face and through my hair.
"Where are you going?"
"I have patrol in about a half hour. I was going to leave you a note incase you woke up."
I nodded, still feeling shaky.
"Are you okay?" he asked still holding my arms. I went to say yes, but my mind kept saying no. "just a bad dream," I croaked.
His head leaned to the side. "Are these the ones you get every night?" he wondered.
I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked up at him. How would he know anything about them?
"You come outside and sit on the back porch steps." He clarified. The light bulb went on in my head.
"It's silly," I brushed off as I withdrew myself from his grasp and slipped out of bed.
"Not to me," he spoke, grabbing a light hold around my wrist and dragging me to him. I stood in-between his legs avoiding his stare. Biting my lip, I debated on telling him my nightmares.
"Bella," he said trying to meet my eyes with his.
"I dream about my mom," I admitted. "I keep replaying the time when I found her hanging in our house."
He sighed in loss and rubbed circles on the top of my hands with his thumb. "Sometimes I feel the horror of the scene in front of me…and sometimes I swear I can feel like im the one hanging there instead of her."
"What do you mean?" he wondered.
"Its like I can feel myself being hung. The cloth being tightened around my neck, and the way my body is being lifted to pull me up onto the pull up bar."
"How often do you get these nightmares?" he asked in concern.
"Every night," I said hesitantly.
"Bella," he said gasping a bit. "Sam, you can't tell anyone," I begged. "Bella, you need to get this out. Talk about it with someone or…something," he said in full-blown worry.
"I am!" I argued. "I'm talking to you about it. Sam, please don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know."
"What about Charlie?" he bargained. I hesitated and shook my head. "No, he knows that I have them, but I don't think he knows the extent of what happens in them. Plus, he has enough to worry about with work. And," I said before Sam could protest, "I don't want him to freak out. I'm his daughter. I know he wants what's best for me, but…I just don't want him to know."
"Jake?" he pitched again. I shook my head again.
"He will worry enough for the two of us if I tell him. He will go into the 'protector' mode and probably never let me leave his sight. I'll most likely be bed ridden every night with him."
Sam made a face at that thought. "Sam, no one can really help me out with this."
"That's not true," Sam immediately disagreed.
"Yes it is, I have to face this demon by myself."
"We'll figure this out," he claimed, ignoring my previous statement.
"That's what im trying to do. A few more days," I spoke.
"You aunt?" he asked confused.
"I think it's just this place. There is too much that reminds me of my mom and its bringing on the nightmares."
He gave me a skeptical look. "Just come back to bed?" I pleaded. Giving him the puppy dog look, he sighed and cuddled with me again under the covers.