Draco had conflicted feelings about cutting off contact with his father if he was being honest. It felt like his brain and heart were at war while also being on the same side and he felt stupid for it. On one hand, Draco missed his father, or maybe the idea of his father he wasn't too sure yet. Sure, Lucius wasn't a good man by any means but he had his moments where he was a dad and gave Draco good memories. There were times when he would set aside his work and teach Draco had to ride a broom, talk to Draco about potions for hours, or listen to Draco's problems. There were times when Lucius was there when Draco needed him the most. However, on the other hand, Lucius had his moments where he could be a cold heartless father who'd hit him with a cane for showing emotion and then hit him again for crying from pain, moments where Lucius didn't care for Draco's well being, or forcing Draco to tear himself apart seeking approval that he would never get.

The bad moments outweighed the good ones by a landslide.

But fuck, that didn't mean Draco wasn't heartbroken over knowing that cutting his father off was the best decision he could've ever made. He had to replay what Jennifer told him over and over in his head.

"The right decision hurts sometimes."

He wasn't expecting it to hurt like this. Draco knew he wasn't actually missing his father. No, he honestly was relieved when the letters stopped coming as much. Instead, he was mourning the loss of the possibility of having a dad. He'd always have a father but he never really had a dad.

Now he never would have a dad. He couldn't even have the false hope that he'd ever have one anymore which hurt him more than anything.

He knew all these emotions were because it was Christmas and while he had already spent 5 Christmas' without him physically being there, he always had contact. He got letters from his father every year, including this year but Draco had burned this year's letter. A part of him was scared to read it and was tempted to open it so he immediately went downstairs and burned the letter in his potions room. That was the only time he had gotten out of bed so far today. He was spending the day overthinking and reliving times with his father.

Not all memories were bad, he recalled the time his father got him a broom and taught him to fly. It was one of his best memories.

It was Christmas morning and the three were in the sitting room. The entire week Draco and his mother, along with the help of the elves, had decorated the room. There was a large Christmas tree so large that Draco couldn't even see the star on top of it unless he was standing in the doorway which was decorated with ornaments, lights, and other things. The tree was truly beautiful. It always looked amazing. The lights looked like the stars in the sky, they even twinkled and would move around the tree. It never ceased to amaze Draco. The rest of the room had been full of wreaths, stockings, and other decors. It looked like a magazine come to life, but so much better. During the holidays Draco would spend all his free time there.

It also helped that Draco secretly loved Christmas. It was his favorite holiday but if anybody asked he'd deny it.

"Why don't you unwrap your gifts, Draco?" His mother said, motioning to the tree which had a sea of boxes under it. The majority were for him while a handful was for his parents.

He smiled and ran to the biggest box and immediately started ripping off the wrapping paper, it was the only occasion where he could make a mess and get away with it so he was taking advantage of that. His eyes widened at the broom, he couldn't believe it! He'd been asking for a broom for ages! "A broom?" He asked, looking at his parents with a huge smile. "Thank you!" He said, running over to his mother and hugging her. He turned to his father and hugged him too. His father had never been one for affection but Draco received a loose one-armed hug in return.

"Why don't we go outside and I'll show you how to fly?" His father asked.

Draco didn't care about the rest of his presents at this point. He was just so excited to learn to fly. He had been begging them for months to teach him how to fly! He grabbed his broom and ran towards the exit. Of course, he beat his father outside and bounced with excitement while he waited for his father. It felt like forever that he was waiting but he knew it was only a few moments.

Draco's father had stepped outside, it was snowing but Draco's parents had cast enough warming charms on him so that Draco couldn't feel the cold. His father, on the other hand, was wearing heavy robes. "Calm your excitement," his father said, "Or you won't be able to learn properly."

This wasn't the first time Draco's father had told him to stop feeling an emotion nor was it the first time it had hurt his feelings but he bottled up his emotions every time. He nodded his head and tried to be less excited, which he succeeded in because his father motioned for him to follow him further into the field. Once they were there Draco's father took the broom.

"First we will learn to mount." He said, showing Draco how to get on and kicking up so he levitated. "Do not let your excitement take over or you'll go flying." He said before he lowered himself. "And not in a safe way. It's important to keep steady so you don't fall." He said before handing the broom over to Draco.

He took a deep breath before mounting the broom and copying his father's actions. He kicked off of the ground and found himself levitating! He was flying! Actually flying! He was struggling to contain his excitement.

"Good, now use your upper body to control it. To go up you pull your body back, to go down you lower yourself closer to the broom." His father said. Draco tested it out carefully and almost lost balance when he found himself going up more abruptly than he intended but he quickly fixed his mistake. He flew around the field for nearly an hour before his father called for him to come down. He still wasn't used to flying so the landing was rough, causing him to stumble upon landing. "Not bad for your first time."

It was the closest thing to a compliment Draco had ever gotten but Draco didn't care, it was close enough.

Having good memories made it hard for Draco to be fully confident in his decision but he also thought about the bad memories, the ones that made Draco realize it was the best decision. The memory that haunted him the most was when he got the dark mark. That was the moment Draco realized he truly had torn himself apart to please his father. It was also the moment he realized nothing he did would ever be good enough.

Draco didn't know what to expect when he finally agreed to get the dark mark. He knew the magic used to brand the death eaters was dark but this had been another level of dark magic he had never seen. He didn't remember much of the actual branding process but he knew whatever magic was involved was horrid. Receiving the mark had burned so badly that the burning sensation spread throughout his entire body. Everything felt like it was on fire; his arm, legs, back, and even his eyes felt like they were on fire. He was so weak after that he had to be carried back to his room where he rested for nearly a week where he had been only conscious enough to eat one light meal a day.

Not once did his father check up on him, only his mother and the elves came to check on him.

On the fifth day, he felt a bit better. He was still weak. This wasn't a sickness type of weak, though. This was different. He felt his magic rejecting the branding. It was as if his body knew what kind of magic it was and didn't want the dark mark on his body and the magic that came with it. He could feel it in his magical core. All of his energy was being used to fight off the mark but it was failing. If he focused enough he swore he felt The Dark Lords' magical signature in him. It was a horrible feeling. He hated it. He didn't judge his father for having the mark as Lucius was an old-fashioned pure-blood but that didn't mean he wanted it on himself.

Oh god. What has he done?

He got the bloody dark mark, that's what he's done.

He didn't have a choice to get it. Lucius brought it up to him many times and Draco shot the idea down every single time but The Dark Lord had given Draco an ultimatum; get the mark, or his parents would die. He did it for them. He needed to protect his family. His mother. His father. He needed them alive. He stood up from his bed which took up so much of his energy he swayed a bit from weakness. He had to get up, though. He had to show his father he was strong. That he was worthy. That he could do this. He was finally going to make his father proud. His father wanted Draco to get the mark for a while now so Draco was hoping his father would be happy.

With everything in him, he changed into more presentable clothes which took him much longer than it normally would've because he had to take four breaks but he did it. He slowly made his way out of his room and downstairs which was difficult. He had to use the wall for support the entire way. He typically loved how spacious the manor was but currently, he was wishing for a smaller house because every single movement took up so much energy that by the time he got to the sitting room where his parents were sitting in he was seeing stars and an elf had to help him sit down before he lost consciousness.

"Draco," his mother said. He couldn't see her but he could hear her walking towards him. "How are you feeling?" She asked as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let's get you some food and water." She ordered one of the elves to bring in food and water for Draco. He could feel her hands move to his face, most likely to check his temperature. He knew he was burning up as he was sweating and felt like he was still on fire.

"He'll be fine." His father said. He sounded distant as if he was on the other side of the room but Draco couldn't see since his eyes were closed. "He's just putting on theatrics. I was fine after two days." He said. If Draco had the energy to frown he would've. "I reckon I should've known this was going to happen. He's always been rather weak." Ouch. He got the mark to protect his family and here his father was, belittling him to his face. "Perhaps if he had gotten it last summer he wouldn't be feeling this way. Better late than never I suppose. Don't baby him too much, he needs to learn how to be a man. I will not allow my son to be soft."

Draco knew the only reason he was emotional today was that it was Christmas, his favorite holiday. The only holiday he felt like he had a proper family. It was also one of the only days he couldn't use his friends as a distraction. Pansy was out of the country to visit her family who fled after the war, and Blaise was spending the holidays with his family, they had invited Draco multiple times over the years but he didn't want to be around them as everyone but Blaise still believed the idiotic pure-blood ideology, and George was spending the day with his family the the burrow with Luna, and Theo was in Azkaban. Draco did write a letter to him earlier.

This meant Draco was alone. All alone in this stupid apartment over this stupid shop spending a stupid holiday alone because he tore his soul apart to make his father happy.

And what did that get him?

Fucking nothing besides the mark of a death eater.

A mistake he would carry with him for the rest of his life.

He sat up in bed and ran a hand through his hair, he felt himself getting angry and was trying to calm himself down. He knew this was a stage of grief since this wasn't the first time he'd gone through this with his father. However, this was the first time the grief was from his father being dead to him and not just locked away in Azkaban. He felt a bit dramatic since his father wasn't physically dead, just dead to him.

He made his way downstairs to his shop, he was going to use his potion to distract him. He had finally narrowed down the ingredients to two possible recipes so he figured he'd see what ingredients he had and what he didn't have. He had the majority of ingredients which was great. He just needed four major ingredients, which thankfully, two of them seemed realistic to get his hands on. He could do this. Not to make his father proud, but for him. He wanted to make himself proud now. It was finally time for him to start doing things for himself. He was putting the pieces of his puzzle back together.

He heard the shop door open and groaned. He needed to learn how to lock doors. Growing up in the manor had only given him bad habits. The wards around the manor didn't allow many people to even have access to the property so locking doors had never been a concern. Even after all these years in his shop and apartment he still struggled. It had only been a problem when he first got his shop as people would vandalize his store and trash the place but as the years went on it wasn't bad. The last break-in had been almost a year ago if one didn't count the times Harry had broken in.

"We're closed." He said, glancing towards the door.

George, Luna, and Harry stood at the entrance wearing hideous knit jumpers with their first initials on them. George and Harry's were maroon while Luna's had multiple different colors on it. They looked handmade.

"We weren't looking to buy potions anyways," George said as he walked towards Draco to hug him. "I knew you'd be alone so we wanted to stop by. Harry decided to tag along too." He said, tilting his head in Harry's direction.

Luna smiled as she hugged Draco. "Merry Christmas!" She said as she gently squeezed him. "I got you something." She said before digging in her bag. She pulled out a small package then took out her wand and enlarged it. Draco hadn't expected his friends and Harry to come by much less receive a gift. He felt appreciative of the gesture. He loved George and Luna so much. He was glad to have them.

He carefully unwrapped the present and smiled at the gift. It was a book on rare potion ingredients, one that he had mentioned wanting to get months ago.

"Don't get all sappy on us, Malfoy." George teased.

Draco rolled his eyes but smiled at Luna. "Thank you, Luna." He said and gave her another hug. "I appreciate it." He muttered into her hair.

She happily returned the hug. "I knew you would." She said. "I know you said you had already figured out what ingredients you'd use for this potion but it may help for future potions."

She believed in him. He felt like he could cry happy tears.

"Moms waiting on us, but we'll see you soon?" George asked, wrapping an arm around Luna.

Draco nodded, mainly because he wasn't sure he could hold himself together if he had to speak. His heart felt full.

"See you later, Draco," Luna said before they hugged once more.

Draco had gone to go put the new book in his potions room when he heard footsteps. He forgot about Harry. Shit.

"How was your Christmas?" He asked as he crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

"It was quiet," Draco said. He began to rearrange his selves for the new book. "How were the Weasleys?"

He wasn't sure why Harry had joined George and Luna to visit and he was even more confused that he decided to hang around. They weren't enemies but they also weren't actual friends. More like tense acquaintances if he had to describe it. Sure, they didn't fight when they were around each other anymore but they also didn't get along either. It was still a hit or miss in if they'd have a conversation that was tense or not.

Harry shrugged, "It was alright. It's still a bit weird being around them since Ginny and I broke up." He admitted.

Draco was a bit surprised. He paused to look at Harry for a moment. "You end on bad terms?" He asked, hoping it wasn't too invasive of a question to ask. He finally had all the books off the shelves and began to organize them. It was a very specific way he organized them; first, they were separated based on if they were for just ingredients if they were recipe books or history of potions. Then, they were alphabetized. He'd been meaning to organize it since it had become disorganized from his potion making.

"No, not at all. We're still friends, actually. It's just…" He said as he walked further into the room and leaned against the prep table now. "Molly still wishes we were together. She keeps talking about how good of a couple we made and how we should try again."

Draco held back the scoff, not because he wanted to be disrespectful but because he understood. His mother had done the same to him and Astoria. "And why aren't you two still together? If I recall, the two of you were all over each other at Hogwarts. It was like watching one of those muggle romance movies."

Harry was silent for so long that Draco looked up to make sure Harry was still there. He was, but he was thinking. "I didn't know you watched muggle movies… or that you indulged in anything muggle really."

Draco shrugged, "I lived in the muggle London for a bit. It gets boring so I had to entertain myself somehow."

"You lived in the muggle London?" Harry asked. He seemed to be surprised at this information.

"Yes. We never got the manor back from the ministry and nobody would rent or sell us their homes after the war. We didn't have much of an option." Draco said with a shrug. He didn't blame anyone for not allowing him and his mother a place to stay. They deserved it for fighting on the wrong side of the war. "So, Pot-Harry, are you going to keep avoiding the question or should I give up hope on the gossip?" He asked but felt bad after hearing Harry sigh. "Actually, it's none of my business. Sorry."

"No, it's fine," Harry said as he adjusted his position to be more comfortable. "It's not that interesting if I'm being honest. I think we both felt like we had to be together. You know? Seems like that's what everyone expected of us." It seemed as if this was the first time Harry had said this out loud by the look of relief on his face.

Draco nodded and grabbed a couple of books, he was starting at the top shelf which was for ingredients as he used those the most. He didn't care much for recipes or the history of potions so he didn't reach for those often. "I felt the same with Astoria except we had a marriage arrangement set for when we finished Hogwarts."

"You had a marriage agreement?" Harry asked.

"Pureblood thing. It's like a business contract but with deciding who you're going to spend the rest of your life with." Draco explained as he put the books on the shelf. It was already looking so much better. "Our parents pushed for a marriage even after the war but we both knew we weren't a good match."

"Really? Why's that? Was it because you were dating Pansy?" Harry asked.

Draco snorted loudly, "Merlin, no. I love Pansy and Astoria dearly but neither of them are my type." He said, knowing how shallow he sounded but he didn't care. It was true, neither of them were his type.

This piqued Harry's curiosity, "Yeah? What's your type?" He asked.

"Men." He said before he could stop himself.

Fuck. That's one way to come out. He wasn't necessarily in the closet, but he wasn't the type to shout it from the rooftops. His close friends knew and he had gone to muggle gay bars in the past. He wasn't ashamed or anything but he didn't want his parents to know nor did he want to give homophobic wizards an excuse to hate gay wizards even more.

"You're gay?"

"Of course I'm gay." He said as if it had been obvious which in his defense he thought was obvious. "Blaise and I had a thing back in Hogwarts, I thought most people knew." There had been many rumors of people catching the two making out in the back of the library. They weren't exactly careful about making sure nobody knew. He was surprised his parents still didn't know.

Draco could laugh at the confused and shocked look on Harry's face. It was worth accidentally coming out. "I thought you two were just close."

Draco laughed, "Yeah, we were really close." He said with a suggestive smirk and continued to organize his books.

"Still close?"

Draco shrugged, "Not in that way. We're just friends now that our hormones have calmed down and there are other gay men around for us to be with. Our options had been pretty limited back then. What's with the questions? I didn't take you for someone interested in my sex life."

"I'm not. I'm just surprised I suppose." He said while looking away and suddenly becoming interested in the prep table.

Draco wasn't surprised that Harry hadn't noticed, he was going through a lot at Hogwarts and he was also oblivious as a whole. He recalled seeing Ginny practically throw herself at him for years while he never seemed to catch on for a while. He found it humorous that Harry didn't catch on to hints.

"What's your type? Hm? I thought you were going to end up with Granger but she's married to Weasley." He said, glancing at Harry.

Harry cringed at Draco's words, "Hermione? She's basically like a sister to me." He said. "I don't think I have a type, at least not physically. Someone with a good personality, driven, and most importantly who doesn't want me just because I'm 'the chosen one'."Harry said the last part with air quotes, "and who doesn't mind being around my family. The burrow gets a bit much at times so if they can't handle that then I can't be with them."

That didn't clear up Draco's slight confusion of Harry not ending with with Hermione since she quite literally checked all those boxes but that wasn't Draco's business. Nope. He didn't care, he really didn't. At least, that's what he told himself. After all he was still having this conversation with Harry but he chalked it up to being nosy and loving gossip.

"Any luck then? If not, I'd suggest you'd have to find someone abroad but even then you're pretty popular among wizards." Draco asked curiously as he finished the shelf.

Harry shrugged. "I'm still plastered on the majority of the papers so it's hard to find someone who doesn't see me as my status."

Draco used to be envious of Harry's fame, but now that he was older he was glad he wasn't in Harry's shoes. He felt a bit bad for him. "Tried dating a muggle?"

Harry let out a bitter laugh, "Yeah, ended with me obliviating them. A couple of teenage wizards saw me in muggle London and accidentally exposed my famous status. They kept asking what I was famous for and I kind of panicked."

Draco tried not to laugh but he couldn't help it from escaping. "Sorry, not laughing at you." He said, laughing more at the playful glare Harry shot at him. "It's funny, I'm sorry."

"Glad my pain is amusing to you." He muttered but he couldn't hide the amused smirk on his face. "It doesn't look like your love life is much better."

"I never claimed it was. I've dated here and there but I'm not a fan of long-term." He shrugged as he put the next set of books on the shelf.

Harry plopped up on the prep table now. Draco was annoyed at someone sitting on it since he just cleaned it. "Too many skeletons in the closet. I don't think many wizards would want to be with me and hiding magic from a muggle seems exhausting." While he had managed to live in the muggle world without exposing himself dating was different. He didn't know that much about muggle stuff. Telling people he grew up in a cult only got him so far.

"You make a good point. I'm sure some wizards could look past the mistakes you've made though." Harry said.

Draco snorted, "Well if you find someone, send them my way."

Harry scoffed, "And watch you succeed in your love life while mines is nonexistent?"

A playful smirk formed on Draco's face, "Sounds like a you problem."

He hated to admit it, even if it was to himself, but the banter with Harry was making his day better. Between seeing his friends and the banter with Harry his mood had done a complete 180. Though, this did make Draco have a weird realization. Did this mean Harry was his friend now? It may have been an odd thing to wonder considering their past interactions but their conversations were growing more friendly and he didn't completely mind Harry's company anymore. Right now he was enjoying it.

Fuck. Harry was growing on him.

Which meant he now felt bad for not being the most welcoming person. Seeing a mind healer was an inconvenience sometimes. He was feeling guilt now, not war guilt but normal people's guilt. He was feeling emotions now. Well, he had always felt them but his father had made him bottle them up now he was learning how to not bottle them which meant feeling guilty over being a bad host and not offering Harry a cup of tea like he would with his friends.

"Do you want a cuppa?" Draco asked, putting the remainder of his books aside. It was a future him problem. "Or water? I might have firewhiskey or butterbeer."

"Uh, yeah. Tea sounds fine." He said and hopped off of the table.

Draco nodded and the two began to make their way upstairs to Draco's flat. Once they were in his flat Draco made his way to the kitchen and filled the kettle up with water before putting it on the stove. He could've done it the magic way but it didn't taste as good. The muggle way was sometimes better and Draco was grown enough to admit it now.

Harry had followed him into the kitchen so Draco just leaned against the counter. Things felt a bit awkward now. Perhaps because he didn't know what to talk about now. What were they supposed to talk about?

"How's that potion coming along?" Harry asked, also leaning against the counter.

Draco shrugged, "Got it down to two recipes. All I need is a couple of ingredients." He said with a sigh.

Harry had a particular look on his face, Draco didn't know what it meant but he didn't like what that could've meant. "What ingredients?"

Bloody hero complex.

"Oh no. I'm not telling you. I'm not having you use your Chosen One status to get my potion ingredients. Absolutely not." He said, waving his hand. "Don't worry about it."

Harry furrowed his brows. "Why not? What's the fun of being forced to have a Chosen One status if I can't use it for good causes?"

He thought Draco's potion was a good cause. The corners of his mouth twitched. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" Harry asked, pretending he didn't know what he was doing.

"That." He waved his hands again. "No. I'm going to figure it out myself. Without your help." He said the last sentence sternly.

Harry hell his hands up in defeat. "Fine. My offer still stands."

"Not one that I'll accept." He said, crossing his arms. "But I do appreciate it so thanks, I guess." He said just as the water began to boil.

"No problem." He said as he went to grab cups.

Draco grabbed his assortment of teas and grabbed one for him but left it out for Harry to pick the one he'd like since he wasn't sure about Harry's taste buds. "Why are you so adamant about helping me? Is it the hero complex?"

It seemed to be a confession time every time they hung out which meant Draco wasn't surprised when Harry said, "Honestly, a couple of reasons. I do believe it'll be a good and useful potion but selfishly…" he said, dipping the bag of tea in his cup. "I struggle with unstable magic because of nightmares too. I know when you successfully brew that potion maybe I can keep my magic under control when I sleep."

He said when not if.

But also now Draco felt like shit. Fuck.

He never thought about how the war had affected Harry. He assumed Harry was unbothered by it because that's how it seemed. Sure, Harry looked worn out and mature in ways but… so did Draco. That's when the dots began to connect. Merlin, how could Draco have been so stupid? Harry's mental state never crossed Draco's head. He should've known. He decided to let Harry help him with this potion.

"Merlin, Harry." Draco groaned as he put his teacup down and ran a hand through his hair. He felt even more conflicted. He was happy that Harry believed in him but now he felt bad that he kept denying Harry's help when Harry offered it. Harry had always been selfless and now he was deciding to be selfish? Right when Draco decided to try to be an adult and do things by himself. "Fine. One condition."

"What is it?" Harry asked. Harry was trying to keep his excitement at bay but Draco could see right through it.

"You'll be the second test dummy." He said. If Harry was going to talk him into helping them Draco was going to get something out of it. "I'll be the first to make sure I didn't accidentally make something deadly. You'll take it here so I can monitor you too."

Harry smiled, "Deal."

"Okay," Draco summoned his journal and a pen. "Dragons nail, Aconite, Murtlap tentacle, and fluxweed. I'll need enough for multiple batches since the spell work and brewing is a whole process in itself which might take a few tries." He said as he tore the paper out of the journal and handed the paper to Harry. "Don't feel bad if you can't get certain ingredients. I know getting within ten feet of a dragon right now is nearly impossible-"

Harry smirked, "I just so happen to know a dragon tamer. That'll be one of the easier ingredients to acquire."

"Of course you do." Draco said. Though, he shouldn't have been surprised. Harry probably had more connections than anyone's ever had in the wizard world.

Harry finished his cup and slipped the note into his pocket. "See you soon, Draco." He said as he put the dirty cup in the sink.

Draco nodded, "Thank you, Harry."

Harry glanced over at Draco. "No problem. Thank you for the tea. Merry Christmas." He said before leaving. Draco was alone again but this time he felt a little lighter. Maybe being friends with Harry wasn't the worst decision. Maybe he didn't hate Harry being around as much as he had originally thought. Perhaps his mind was still back at Hogwarts when Harry was still around since typically he expected a verbal argument but there hadn't been any fighting in a while. Their fighting had been replaced by semi pleasant conversations.