And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

-All These Things I've Done by The Killers

Chapter Nine

Bella shifted a little, moving her head so it now faced me as she lay across the seat of the truck. Initially, when she had of her own volition fell into this position, I couldn't stop the flashbacks to the day she had the motorcycle accident. Tonight, the circumstances of her resting her head in my lap was of a much more pleasant nature. Surprisingly, Bella had staid up for both movies at the theater. She seemed to enjoy the movies, letting herself get sucked into the stories. She laughed numerous times in the evening, more though during Cars than the Pirates movie. Not until we started to drive back to Forks did she start to drift off to sleep. She slid in Esme's cd full of soothing music. She arranged herself so that she was lying across the seat and that her head fell in my lap. She pulled the blanket around herself and quickly fell into peaceful sleep.

I did not push the trucks speed as we made our way back to Forks. There was no rush for me to return. I actually had a lot to contemplate thanks to Bella. I did not understand her persistence in learning my history. It was disturbing and I tried to warn her of this. However, she could not be deterred. Honestly, the thought of telling her my past scared the living shit out of me. There was no way she would look at me the same after I told her my story.

The idea of actually running away or breaking my promise appealed to me. I normally was not one to break my word. However, this was an exception to the norm and I hesitated, considering refusing to tell Bella what I had done. There was something in me that truly desired her approval and companionship. I felt that would disappear when she knew about the vampire wars and that frightened me. I almost had to laugh at the thought that this small, human girl could shake me up so easily.

I paused in my thoughts as Bella's voice filled the cab. She was obviously was still asleep and it was only one word, but it was enough for my life to alter in that moment. She simply spoke my name, which she had done on too many occasions to count. However, the pure emotion lacing her voice was earth shattering to me. The tone was full of tenderness and love. I think it was the first time in my vampire life that I actually was more affected by the emotions in a voice than any real emotions. I knew at that moment that I was bound to this woman and I would do anything she asked of me, including telling her my past.

I resolved that I would give her what she desired, the truth. I would not hide anything from her. I shouldn't shield her from the very possible future that awaits her. It was not fair to keep it from her, especially when she would be deciding her fate for all of eternity.

I was at peace with my decision which made the rest of the drive go much quicker. I lost myself in the soft music playing, letting it lull me into a relaxed state. Esme's music had the same effect on me that it had on Bella, calming and comforting. It was like a mother's embrace.

When I arrived back at the house, the lights were on throughout the house. It did not look like it was 3:30 am. I pulled Bella into my arms as gently as possible, keeping the blanket wrapped around her so she wouldn't wake from the coldness that emanated from my skin. I used my powers to keep her in deep sleep as I carried her swiftly up to her bedroom, gently depositing her on her bed. I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear before heading down the stairs to actually greet the rest of the family.

They were all together in the living room. Emmett and Rosalie were playing a few rounds of Mario Kart on the Gamecube, obviously still trying to decide who was the champion of the game. Esme and Carlisle were sitting in the loveseat, laughing at the two. Carlisle had a book in his lap, with one arm thrown around Esme casually. Esme had a sketchpad on her lap and a few pencils, obviously just doing a few rough drawings. I went and sat down by the love seat, leaning my head against the side. Esme did not hesitate in reaching over and slowly smoothing the unmaneagable curls on my head. It was such a simple maternal show of affection, but it meant the world to me and I sighed, letting myself relax more fully.

"How was your day in Olympia?" Carlisle asked, sliding a piece of paper between the pages to mark his spot.

"We had a lot of fun. It was actually interesting to me because for the first time in a long time I felt human. It was such an ordinary day."

Esme chuckled. "She seems to have that effect on a lot of people."

"Did you show her the schools?" Emmett asked, not moving his eyes from the screen as he and Rosalie raced through one of the beach courses.

"Yeah, she seemed to really take a liking to SPSCC. We might look at some more places, but I think she enjoyed Olympia."

"Sweet! I have had so many pranks I have wanted to try out on our dear Bella that Esme won't let me do here."

"Umm, about that Emmett," I cleared my throat a little. "I don't think it is a good idea that Bella live in the same house as you and Rosalie."

Emmett bristled a little at this, pausing the game so he could face me. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, simply that you and Rosalie…well…" I thought for a brief second, hoping I could come up with a slightly more delicate way to say it in front of two people that I looked upon as parental figures. I came up short. "Honestly, you two have the loudest sex known to man and no matter how thick the insulation is or how weak Bella's humans ears are, there is no hiding it. I really think it best that we don't subject her to that."

Emmett looked like he was about to argue when Esme laughed. "Don't deny it, Em. You two really are quite at ease with displaying your affection and that might not be the most comfortable of situations for Bella."

Rosalie shrugged her shoulders, not really arguing, but Emmett looked slightly deflated. I tried to cheer him back up. "Don't worry. We will get places near each other and you will have plenty of opportunities to pull pranks on Bella."

Emmett seemed to be slightly appeased by this and turned back around to face the game. I spoke up before they unpaused the game though. "Umm, Rosalie, I have a question for you." I hated how Bella had so unnerved me that I sounded unsure with myself, even with my own family.

Rosalie's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, aware that I had a very serious voice. "Shoot."

"Have you ever considered telling Bella about your human life and how you were turned?"

Rosalie's face instantly transformed. I recognized it as a face of a girl who had been cruelly mistreated and forced into a life she did not want. Rosalie often gave off the air of being someone who just plain didn't give a shit. But every now and again I would note a change and see the face that probably more closely resembled her human self.

"Not really. I don't think she really needs to know about that part of my past. Why do you ask?"

"I feel the same way about my past, however it seems Bella has other ideas. She has been bothering me about telling her about my past and I promised I would tell her tomorrow."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of when telling your story," Esme immediately offered up, as if she could read my emotions.

"Maybe," I hedged, not really believing it. "It just seems like a horrible tale to tell Bella. But I kind of came to the conclusion that maybe she should know. She has a decision to make regarding her future, and I wonder if in order to make a more informed choice, she should hear both about my history with newborns, but also know what she is giving up. That's where you come in." I stared at Rosalie.

She didn't say anything initially, digesting my words. "Maybe you're right. I once didn't understand how she could want this life and in a way I still don't know why completely. Maybe I should explain that to her so she can get another perspective."

"That's all I'm saying."

I small moan interrupted our conversation and I reached out with my powers to feel Bella's fear. She must be having a nightmare, I thought to myself as I darted quickly up the stairs. I rushed into to room and was proved right when I saw Bella completely tangled up in the blankets. I was instantly at Bella's side, on my knees. I reached out and took Bella's hand in my own, sending her feelings of contentment and exhaustion to push her into deeper sleep. She mumbled something about Alice and the Volturi. I exerted more energy into getting her to sleep which seemed to work. I didn't dare leave her side the rest of the night, lest the nightmares reappeared.

I stretched my legs as I slowly regained consciousness. I rubbed my legs together, noting that I had fallen asleep in the jeans and t-shirt I had been wearing yesterday. It's a weird sensation waking up in denim rather than the usual cotton of sweatpants or lounge pants. I gave out a large yawn as I slowly opened my eyes to the bright light flooding into my room. It was going to be a sunny day in Forks today.

"Mornin'," Jasper's warm voice greeted me.

"Good morning," my voice cracking slightly. I cleared my throat trying to get the sleep out of my voice.

"I thought you and I could take a walk this morning and talk."

I immediately sat up, alert. I was instantly reminded of Jasper's promise to tell me his story today. I knew this is what we were going to talk about. "I just need to take a shower and grab a quick bite."

Jasper nodded and smiled at my enthusiasm, although his happiness did not reach his eyes. They were filled with worry and his eyebrows were slightly scrunched up in concentration. I wanted to smooth out his features, but knew that I had brought this on both of us. The best that could be expected was this being over as quickly as possible. For that to happen I needed to actually get into the shower.

So, that's what I did. I hopped into the shower, cleaning quickly. I then joined everybody else downstairs to eat a quick bowl of cereal. Jasper waited patiently as I ate as quickly as possible without choking on my cheerios. Esme reminded me to bring a sweater because it was still a little chilly outside. It was nice to be doted on by Esme and to be taken care of rather than the other way around.

Jasper and I headed out the back door in the kitchen, him leading me towards the stream that wound its way through the back yard. He brought me to the edge. I eyed its length dubiously, and wondered how deep the water was. Without saying a thing, Jasper quickly picked me up, hugging me to his body as he lept lithely across the river. He let me down gently as we arrived on the other side. We walked through the forest for a few minutes in silence. I had a feeling that the walk itself was not the time for our talk. Jasper was walking with a purpose, making me think we were going somewhere to have our discussion.

Jasper pushed aside the overgrowth and brought me into a small clearing with a small stone cottage in the center. The building was old and decrepit, but I felt an almost unconscious draw to the building. It had a charm to it that somehow intrigued me. Jasper pulled me to the side where there was a small overgrown garden, with remnants of a fence sticking out of the ground at odd angles. Jasper plopped down onto a grassy patch in the garden. I mimicked his motion, sitting cross-legged so that I was facing him. I wanted to see his face when he told his story.

"As you can guess, I brought you out here to tell you about my past. First, I have to say something about you has changed me, because I completely intended to break my promise, something I don't do lightly. That should tell you how dark this tale is. But, I couldn't bring myself to disappoint you."

It was at that moment when the seriousness of the situation dawned on me. "All I want is get to know you Jasper, the real you. I want to know everything about you."

At this Jasper smiled ruefully. "There are parts of my past that I keep hidden for a reason. I have done things I am ashamed of."

"But, that doesn't change that you are a person worth knowing. There is a reason that Alice loved you so dearly that she tried to keep you safe. I want to know the Jasper she knew."

I think I struck a chord with that because Jasper's shoulder's straightened and he took a deep breath. "I was born Jasper Whitlock in 1843 on a small farm in Texas."

I gasped a little at this, not able to comprehend how old Jasper was. He was the second oldest Cullen, but to me he sometimes felt like the youngest, probably because of his troubles with the diet. I was about to say something, but I remembered how Jasper had tried so hard to keep silent when I told him what had happened in my life for those six months. I would give Jasper the same courtesy.

Jasper sensed my resolution to being quiet and continued on. "I don't know much about my childhood except that I was happy. I remember playing a lot and being full of energy which would exasperate my mother. However everything changed with the outbreak of the civil war. I was coming of age during those turbulent years and the war had a profound impact on my life. Back then, there was a strong sense of duty to the service and I was young and naïve. I had great dreams of glory and recognition. I was still young at the start of the war which made my mother happy. However, I traveled over a county so they wouldn't recognize me and enlisted when I was sixteen.

"I don't remember much except for a couple things. First and foremost, the war was bloody and gruesome. There was no glory when kids, just like me were fighting our brothers and killing each other." He paused for a second as if collecting his thoughts. His eyes were focused over my shoulder, not looking me in the eye. His face was scrunched up as if recalling these details took a lot of concentration. "I didn't abandon the cause. I was fiercely loyal. I quickly rose through the ranks. Even in my human life I had a certain way of influencing those around me. My father called it natural charisma. This was a good quality to have in a leader and I was promoted easily. Even using my fake age, I was the youngest Major in the confederate army.

"Everything changed one evening when my regiment was evacuating a town. I lagged behind and outside of town there were three devastatingly beautiful women." His tone softened a little at this and he looked down now, losing himself in the memory. "Being the stupid, southern gentleman, I stopped to see if they needed my assistance. They barely paid me any attention as they were having a deep conversation, something about changing me and whether I was an asset. I was confused by this, but their hold on me did not allow for me to leave. I was stuck where I was. Their names were Nettie, Lucy, and," he paused. When he spoke again, his voice was filled with venom. "And Maria. Maria was the one that changed me. Apparently she had the most control of the three of them. They lived off a diet of humans and knew very little control. Changing a human into a vampire is very difficult because of the excitement that the blood causes in us. She was able to manage it though, and I became a soldier in Maria's army."

Now I was a little confused. I couldn't help myself from asking, "A vampire army?"

"Sorry, I forgot you don't know about the history that is common knowledge for many of our kind. During this period there were intense struggles in the South over different territories, specifically cities. Covens of vampires would form alliances to try to gain control of the largest cities. Cities in the South were developing rapidly, leading to a huge influx of population. With such large amounts of people in confined spaces it was a perfect hunting ground for vampires. Disappearances of humans often went unnoticed or at least poorly investigated. This was especially true if the human was poor. Luckily there was a large amount of impoverished people in these cities."

"The fighting came to a head before my time, and it had no longer been well concealed. Vampires had been getting careless and humans had been becoming suspicious. This is where the Volturi came in."

I couldn't stop the shudder that racked my body at the mention of their name. Jasper seemed to say their name very bitterly, unable to hide his disdain for the group.

"The Volturi are meant to keep the peace among different vampire groups and most importantly intervene when vampires are stupid enough to make themselves known to humans. Most of the Volturi guard came over and cleared up the mess that was made, exterminating whole covens without hesitation. These vampires had broken the law in their eyes and needed to be punished. The Volturi were trying to make examples of the covens to show how serious the consequences were for breaking the one law that our society had."

"Things were quiet for a while, but eventually the feuds arose again. Needless to say, we don't change easily and the draw of the power and blood that one had if he controlled a city was too much to resist for some. The wars started to arise again, but much more quietly this time. In that sense they had learned a lesson. Most of the covens were smart enough to keep their numbers as small as possible, making it important that the fighters that they did have be as lethal as possible. That is where newborns come in. How much do you know about newborns?"

I thought back over Edward and my brief conversations we had on the subject, which were few. "Not much. Edward tried to shield this from me and since it was never an option for me to be changed, he saw no need in me knowing about the process of the transformation, except that it was painful."

"My reason for telling you this is two fold then. First, obviously it is a part of my story, but I also want you to consider what I have to say because it is an inescapable part of the transformation and you need to know this in order to make an informed decision about becoming a vampire."

"I understand," I told Jasper.

"The actual transformation is excruciating, the worst pain that can be imagined. It lasts approximately three days, the constant burning. When one awakes, the first thing that registers is the extreme thirst for blood. Newborns are voracious. All they can think about is satisfying their never ending desire for fresh, human blood. A part of this first year is also immeasurable strength. Even compared to the strongest vampire you can think of, they are more powerful. This strength lasts for about a year, and then slowly the lust for blood along with the strength slowly fades, leading to your average, every day vampire," Jasper smiled at this. He spoke seriously, but I could tell the detached facts were easier to tell than his personal story. His face turned more serious, which told me he was shifting gears.

"I was changed for this purpose. I was to be a fighter in Maria's army. Nettie and Lucy were her sisters and were supposed co-leaders with her. Eventually, though, Maria showed herself to be the more capable of them and had her own sisters killed off. That was when I knew this woman was a force to be reckoned with."

"Usually, after about a year, as a vampires strength starts to wane, Maria would have them killed, only to be replaced with fresh converts. I escaped this fate as I proved myself to be very useful, not only with my superior fighting skills, but also my power to manipulate and feel emotions. I could help keep the usually ornery newborns under control. I kept the fighting amongst them to a minimum. I became Maria's second in command and it was during this time that I did my most horrendous acts. I showed no restraint in satisfying my appetite for blood. I lived a gluttonous lifestyle. I killed the young and old alike, showing no mercy to any. I also killed those of my own kind indiscriminately. I was in charge of clearing out the newborns that were no longer of any use to Maria and her cause. I was created to kill and I did it well, too well. I continued like this for decades. And I have the scars to prove it."

Jasper stopped and pulled up the sleeve of his thermal shirt up as far is it would go. He pointed his arm in my direction, letting it fall into beam of sunlight that sneaked through the branches of the trees. Again I noticed that his skin glittered in a way that was different than any other vampires. There was something on his skin refracting light, causing the sparkling to take on a different look. I reached out and examined his skin, noticing the markings scattered along his forearm that grew in intensity closer to his shoulder. I traced one of the crescent shapes, finally recognized them as bite marks. They were scars from all the battles he had been in. I put my own scar up next to his arm comparing the two. I felt an overwhelming amount of sadness for Jasper. Nobody should have had to go through what he had. There were at least a dozen scars on this arm alone. I couldn't imagine how many riddled his body. At that thought a small tear escaped and fell down my cheek. It was stopped halfway by a cool hand.

"Don't feel sad for me Bella. I inflicted much more damage than I received. I deserve these scars. They serve as a reminder of who I was. Is this story too much? Do you want me to continue?"

I gave a silent nod and he went on with his story. "My life altered when I started to form a bond with one of the newborns, his name was Peter. He became a friend of mine. It was surprising to me to have an actual comrade in arms. When Peter moved out of his newborn stage, I was able to convince Maria that Peter was still of use to us. It came at a cost though; Maria started to have her suspicions of my loyalty. Peter and I grew closer and closer, and he was there through the daily trials that were brought on by working for Maria.

"However, that was changed when Peter and I were ordered to kill a group of newborns that were moving out of the newborn stage. Peter and I were doing our job when it came time to kill one female, her name was Charlotte. Peter started to talk uncontrollably about how Charlotte was still able and we should spare her. I didn't listen and moved in to kill her. Peter flared up, protective of Charlotte. It was then that I finally noticed the bond between the two of them. They were mates. How I had failed to notice it before still astounds me. I guess that just shows how detached I was from anything positive. I don't think I recognized the love between them at first. When I still moved in to confront them, Peter and Charlotte fled together. I did the first positive thing in this life; I let them go and did not pursue them. Of course I had to face the wrath of Maria, but I didn't care.

"Life was different after that. I grew more and more depressed with the loss of my friend. My one connection to a human life was gone and I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. Every emotion was sharper than ever. I was wearied by feeling every emotion of my victims, their fear, sadness, and pain. It was truly terrible, though probably less than what I truly deserved. I was saved though when Peter returned for me one day. He wanted me to run away with me and join me in his new life. I did not hesitate, feeling that Maria was becoming more and more untrusting of me, probably plotting my own death. I felt no tie to the life that had been chosen for me. I left and never regretted it for a second.

"I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a little while but even their continual diet of humans was growing tired. I was connected with my victim's emotions. I continued in my depression. However, I didn't know anything else, and all those years of instant gratification proved to be hard to break. It was during this dark time that my whole life was transformed in one instant." Jasper finally looked up at me, and his face lit up. I had a feeling I knew where this story was going.

"It was a rainy day in Philadelphia. I walked into a diner and a small, woman jumped off her stool and headed towards me. I instantly recognized her as a vampire and I actually started to get into a defensive stance, fighting being my main dealings with my kind. However, she just smiled at me and told me she had been waiting for me for quite some time. Apparently she had a vision of me and thus had looked for me. It was an amazing moment, and everything shifted in that moment. It was the first time in my life that I felt hope. I had never known that emotion before Alice.

"We traveled for a couple of years, blissfully happy and then we met the Cullens. Of course Alice saw this coming as well and knew that our future was with them. I struggled with the diet the most. You have to understand something though, I appreciate the diet more than anybody, except maybe Carlisle. It has been such a relief to not have to feel every emotion of my victims last moments. Instead, hunting is a peaceful activity. My mind knows this. However, my body is in constant battle with my mind, wanting what it had grown accustomed to for almost a hundred years. The constant desire for blood has been hard to shake, and it's a daily battle between these two sides. My struggle with this diet is not my lack of respect for the sanctity of human life. I guess you can say I am a recovering addict who is always tempted by my drug of choice."

Jasper wasn't looking at me and I guessed that he expected to run away from him, screaming bloody murder. "Jasper." He wouldn't look up though. So, I brought my hand up and brushed a few stray curls out of his face. I placed my hand under his chin, in encouragement of him lifting his head. I knew I could not physically affect him, but I hoped he would at least get the message.

Slowly, he tilted his face up to look me in the eye. I knew that I had to be honest with him, because that is what he needed, not fake sympathy. "Yes, what you did was terrible. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you what you did was okay." I moved my hand to his cheek, encouraging him to not look away, which he didn't. His eyes held mine firmly. "But, you have changed. You are no longer that person. What you did is in the past and although it was terrible what you did, there is nothing you can do about it now. The best you can do is to change your life, which you have done. Everyday you walk by humans you would have killed before. Now you are able to restrain yourself."

"Not every time," Jasper added darkly.

I couldn't help myself when he said this. I got up and started to storm away from Jasper before turning back at the last moment. He was still sitting on the ground, his eyes wide in shock. "I am tired of hearing you blame yourself for that day. It was a fucking cut. There was blood in the air. Of course you are going to lose control. It was not something that you could help."

Jasper got up, moving so he was in front of me, his face frustrated. "Then why could everybody else stay calm but me?"

"Because they have never had to struggle with their thirst like you have. Yes it is sometimes uncomfortable to be around humans, but they know no other lifestyle. How can they struggle against a life that they have not experienced? You however were used to satisfying your thirst by any means necessary for 100 years and yet you decide to change. Edward once told me it was next to impossible for a vampire to change, but you did. That is truly amazing to me and you can't expect that you will be like them, because you aren't." My voice quieted a little. "You are special Jasper. Why can't you see that?"

Jasper was silent. His eyes never left mine. I stared back, willing myself to not shift my gaze. I noted that his eyes had small flecks of black in them that I had never noticed. They were very fine and only a few were scattered through his eyes, but it somehow gave his eyes a human quality.

Suddenly, his face softened and he exhaled heavily. "Isabella," he whispered in mock exasperation. He said my name different than anybody else ever had, though. Instead of saying it normally, or in an exaggerated Italian accent, he spoke in softer, smoother accent. I liked it. I couldn't quite tell what it was. I was about to ask him when he continued to speak. "You really need to learn to not defend dangerous creatures." His tone was lighter.

I rolled my eyes. "What can I say? I like to live on the wild side."

"Apparently."

We both froze for a second as we heard a rustling sound from the trees near us. Jasper took a deep breath of the air, before relaxing. "It's just Jacob."

"Jake!" I called out as he came into the small clearing in wolf form.

Jasper seemed a little irritated though. "You heard all of it, didn't you?"

Jake hung his head a little and then gave a quick nod. "How could you tell?" I asked in disbelief.

"He was feeling pity. So, let me guess, you are not too fond of Bella hanging around me now?"

Jacob shook his head and threw himself onto the soft forest floor. I think he was exasperated with not being able to communicate with us. I sat down so I was level him, and Jasper followed my lead. Jacob poked his head forward a little and kind of nuzzled Jaspers side. Jacob's face was scrunched up a little, probably not liking the smell of Jasper, but I think he was trying to show that he didn't care what Jasper said. Jasper seemed to get the message and laughed a little, before reaching out and patting Jacob on the head. I stroked the side of Jacob's face, pausing to scratch behind his ears. He seemed to enjoy that because he turned towards me, leaning his head in my hand. When I was done he gave a big grin, his tongue hanging from his mouth. Then suddenly he extended his neck and licked my face.

"Eww," I exclaimed, in mock indignation. All three of us laughed and slowly we fell into a comfortable silence.

A/N I know some of this is repetition of Eclipse, but I kind of wanted to try my hand at telling his story, and I actually made some shifts in language to show the different relationship these two have. I will say from here on out the pace picks up considerably and these two crazy kids are put on the fast track. Also, chapters from here to the end of somewhat shorter. Finally, if you haven't heard the song for this chapter, I highly recommend it. It is Jasper's theme song, along with Believe by The Bravery. Those two songs I always associate with him.

Thanks so much for all the kind words and those that are following. Please leave me a review telling me what you loved or hated. Hope to have another chapter out soon. Grad school is still kicking my ass but editing this has been a nice way to unwind.