Today was a big day for Draco. Today was session number 52 with his mind healer.
A whole year.
365 days.
He had been seeing Jennifer for a year. He couldn't believe it. He felt like a different person in some ways, a part of him felt lighter and even a little happier at times and he was appreciative of everything that mind healing had done for him and he was grateful to have jennifer. He definitely owed Blaise for everything, if it weren't for him Draco would've been too stubborn to go see a mind healer. But he wouldn't lie, sometimes he felt like there was no progress made at all however, when he sat back and looked at it, he'd come so far. He was having less bad days, he finally cut off his father, he's not overworking himself as much, he's eating more, and he's being more productive as a whole. He also stopped blaming himself for the war as much. He still felt guilty but he was more aware that he wasn't to blame and no matter which side he was on, everything still would've happened. People still would've died.
He still had his Malfoy mask, though. He used it less nowadays but he'd be lying if he said he never put on the mask anymore.
His mental state wasn't the only thing that had changed, either. His whole life had changed. Before going to a mind healer he only had Pansy, Blaise, and Theo as his friends. He loved them but all of them dearly but it was nice to have others. Especially those like George. Unfortunately this meant he was growing more social whether he liked it or not because Harry came to his shop multiple days a week, too. It was still hard to wrap his head around it. Draco had lost count of the amount of times Harry had practically broken into his flat at this point. Always with food, so at least if his house was getting broken into he was benefiting from it.
He was sitting on the couch he had sat on 51, now 52, times. It felt the same as most other times, with the exception of his first few sessions which had been tense and nerve wracking. It was almost laughable how when Draco first started mind healing how he'd sit on the edge of his seat as he was too scared to get comfortable but now he leaned back into the couch and welcomed its comfort.
"How are you doing, Draco?" Jennifer asked.
He smiled, "I'm doing great." He said, rubbing his hands on his trousers. As much as he tried to kick the nervous habit it wasn't going away any time soon.
She smiled back, "I'm glad to hear that." She said, looking down at her notepad momentarily. "It's been a year since your first appointment. How do you feel about that?"
He shrugged, "A little conflicted if I'm being honest." He said honestly. "An irrational part of me feels like I should be "fixed", whatever that means, but the rational part of me knows that's not how this works. I know I'm making progress but I feel myself comparing myself to George even though he's been going to a mind healer far longer than I have. It's a lot of internal conflict." He said but then smiled, "but I also feel proud of myself for seeking help and sticking with it, even when it was hard. I don't hate myself anymore. I mean, there's days where I still greatly dislike myself but I don't think I feel self hatred as much. I also think I'm at the point where when I compare myself to how I was before coming to see a mind healer, I see the difference."
Jennifer looked proud of him. Not many people were proud of Draco. He could count them on two hands. "That's great to hear," she said, "You've made tremendous progress, Draco. I can't even tell you how proud I am."
The warm feeling in his chest did not go unnoticed by him. He was happy someone finally felt proud of him. As much as it hurt to know his father would never be proud of him, he was accepting that he didn't need his father to be proud of him. Other people were proud of him and that's all that mattered. He would never get tired of hearing it. It felt nice.
That feeling lasted all the way through the rest of the session. He knew when he walked out of the office he had a cheesy smile on his face but he didn't care.
George was already waiting for him, he usually got out a few seconds before Draco did.
"I see your session went well." George said as he stood up.
"It did." He said, following George as they began to walk out of the building. "A whole year of mind healing. Feels like I just started coming yesterday but it also feels like I've been coming here forever."
George chuckled, "Just wait until you've been coming for a few years."
"I can only imagine." He said, though he didn't want to be see a mind healer that long if he was being honest. Not that he was judging. He just hoped he'd be better by then. "Want to go out for a drink?" He asked.
"Rain check? Luna's going on a business trip tomorrow so we made date night tonight." George said.
Draco nodded. "Tell her I said hi and safe travels." He said.
"I will, see you next week." George said before aparating.
Draco aparated to his shop and made a mental note of all the potions that needed to be restocked before making his way upstairs. His intuition was telling him he wasn't alone. He could feel others in his apartment so he pulled out his wand and silently made his way up the stairs. It was too early in the day for it to be Harry so he tightened his grip on his wand since he couldn't think of who else it could be, that was the only person who had a habit of breaking in. His heart was racing. Who could it be? He hadn't had any problems in the last year. Sure, he still wasn't the most liked person but people have left him alone since he began supplying hospitals with potions for the most part. By that he meant nobody had physically assaulted him, but he did have a bunch of break ins where people trashed his home or establishment. When he got to his front door he flung it open and nearly had a heart attack when he saw two figures.
Well, more like two idiots who he called his best friends.
Pansy had a bottle of wine in her hand while sitting on the couch and Blaise was levitating a plate of cookies into the living room. Both gasped when they saw Draco with a pointed wand which caused the plate and bottle of wine to fall to the floor. Draco was happy he didn't have carpet when he saw the red wine spill onto the floor. Some stains were so stubborn even the best cleaning spells couldn't remove them.
"Draco!" Pansy said as she shot up and ran over to him.
"What the fuck?" Draco said, lowering his wand before being engulfed in a hug.
Blaise picked up the glass and cast the liquid away. "A little party to celebrate." He said with a smile. "Someone's been seeing a mind healer for a year now."
Blaise and Pansy had been keeping track of his sessions? He loved them. How did he get so lucky?
"That's so exciting." Pansy said as she pulled away from the hug. "We just had to celebrate!"
Draco smirked and motioned to the bottle of wine once she pulled away, "Come on Pans, you just wanted an excuse to drink." He teased.
She rolled her eyes playfully and grabbed the bottle of wine. "That too." She admitted before motioning for Draco to sit. "But mainly to celebrate."
"How'd you even get in? I don't have my floo open." He said as he shrugged off his robes.
Blaise playfully scoffed, "You never lock you doors." He said as he began to pick up the cookies, "Anyone can walk in and throw surprise parties for you." He teased.
Fuck. Draco needed to work on that. Did he not learn his lesson on Christmas?
"Come! Sit!" Pansy said before grabbing him and forcing him to sit once he was in grabbing distance. "How do you feel? Are you going to keep going?"
Blaise sat next to the two of them on the arm of Draco's couch. "Pansy, don't overwhelm him with your excitement." He said, putting a hand in Draco's shoulder.
Draco laughed at his friends, "I feel alright, I think I'll keep going. I've kinda been there too long to just suddenly stop. Plus, Blaise was right." He said, smiling over at Blaise, "It is helping. So get it out of your system, tell me you told me so."
"That takes the fun out of it!" Blaise said with a pretend sad look on his face. "But I did tell you so." He said with a smirk.
"We haven't seen you in ages! What's been up with you? What's new?" Pansy asked.
Draco groaned as he threw his head back. He had a lot to fill them in on, it had been a while since he saw them. "A lot," he began, "I started inventing a potion. I've already sorted out what ingredients I want,"
Before he could continue Pansy grabbed his arm, "Draco! That's so exciting!" She said, smiling. "What's the potion do? Why didn't you tell us?"
"Merlin, Pansy," Blaise interjected, "let the man speak." He said playfully which earned him the finger from Pansy.
Draco laughed and shook his head, "A magic stabilizer of a sort. Ya know, for when you're having nightmares."
Blaise and Pansy knew what Draco was talking about, they'd help clean his apartment a few times and also suffered with the same issue occasionally. They knew how unstable his magic would get. Blaise just smiled, "That's great!" Blaise said, "You brewing it now? I didn't see anything downstairs."
Draco shook his head, "That's the issue… I have it narrowed down to two potential potions both of which have a couple ingredients that'll be near impossible to get."
"What are they?" Pansy asked, slipping off her shoes so she could cross her legs on the couch.
"Fluxweed, murtlap tentacle, aconite, and dragons nail." Draco said as he ran his hand through his hair, "Harry said he'd help me but I don't know if he will. I know he offered but we're not exactly friends so I don't know."
"Harry? Harry Potter?" Pansy asked, perking up. "Since when are you friends with Potter? Blaise did you know about this?" She said, turning to Blaise.
Blaise shook his head, "This is news to me too."
Draco gave a guilty smile, "We're not friends." He said and looked down at his hands, "We're just… not trying to kill each other anymore I suppose. He's come by a few times. Broken in a few times too, I've really got to learn how to lock doors." He said with a small laugh. "Him and George brought Ron over once, he was hurt but didn't want to go to st. Mungos so I healed him. Then he wanted me to teach him the spell Severus taught me. He's like a stray cat, you feed them once and they won't go away except I haven't fed him so I don't know why he keeps coming back." He chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. "I was going to try to get the ingredients myself but he insisted on helping. Bloody prat."
"Sounds like friends to me." Blaise said as he grabbed the bottle of wine off the coffee table and took a sip. "How long has this been going on?"
Draco shrugged, "I'm not sure. The first time we talked without him yelling at me was when we went to Hogwarts a few months ago I think? The day after was when Ron got hurt. Then the day after that," he used his hands to talk, as if he was drawing out a map of the timeline in the air. "He let himself in my flat to get Ron. Didn't even bother waking me up. He rationalized it by saying he had breakfast."
Pansy raised an eyebrow and gave Blaise a look. "So you've been all buddy buddy with Harry Potter and haven't said a single word to either of us?" Pansy said, taking the bottle from Blaise and taking a sip too.
"It felt weird writing it in a letter," Draco said, now grabbing the bottle from Pansy, "should've taken me up on lunch the other day. He stopped by with George on Christmas. I accidentally told him I was gay and that Blaise and I used to fool around. It was embarrassing."
Blaise laughed, "How did you accidentally tell him you were gay?"
"Yeah, how does something like that even come up?" Pansy asked. He could tell she was enjoying the gossip.
Draco regretted opening his mouth. "Well, his break up with Ginny came up, I don't know, I just asked if they ended in bad terms which snowballed into a talk about our types and when he asked me what my type was I wasn't thinking so I said men." His face flushed and Pansy started laughing.
Blaises brows furrowed, "I believe I'm even more confused."
"Do I need to get a pensive so you can see the memory?" Draco asked, handing the bottle to Pansy who had been reaching for it.
"I just have one question," Pansy asked after taking a sip, "was this a… flirty conversation?" She asked with a smirk on her face.
Blaise had a look of amusement on his face and Draco rolled his eyes, "Absolutely not." He said.
"You know Draco's terrible at flirting," Blaise teased and gently nudged Pansy, "He's also oblivious, he wouldn't know flirting if it hit him in the face."
Pansy laughed but Draco glared. "Sod off." Draco said as his face became flushed again. He wasn't that oblivious. He just didn't know if someone was flirting unless it was obvious but he did know the conversation with Harry wasn't flirting. It was their weird truth confession thing they did.
The two laughed at him then decided they'd had enough fun picking on him so they all began to catch up. Pansy talked about how her parents were doing and blaise talked about how he wanted to go to muggle college for muggle therapy. Draco didn't understand why but Blaise insisted that muggle knowledge could help with mind healing. It was after midnight when the two left. Typically Draco would've been lonely but tonight he wasn't. Instead, his heart felt full. His good days were feeling better.
Unfortunately, his good mood didn't last too long. The more days that passed the more Draco was doubting that Harry was serious. He should've known Harry wasn't going to help him and he also shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Not that he would've blamed Harry, because the man didn't owe Draco anything but he got his hopes up anyways.
Or so he thought because a month after Christmas his question of if Harry had been serious was answered when right before Draco closed up for the night Harry walked into his shop in his auror uniform with a smile.
Draco raised an eyebrow and put down the box of potions he had been holding as he had been stocking moments prior. "Someone looks happy." He said, trying to keep his own hopefulness at bay. Just because Harry was here that didn't mean he had the ingredients Draco needed.
"And someone looks tired," Harry shot back, causing Draco to roll his eyes.
"If you came just to insult me-"
Draco was cut off by Harry placing a small box on the counter. "I managed to get the aconite," he said, opening it for Draco. "I wrote a letter to the dragon tamer, I'll let you know when I hear back. He's in Romania so it'll take a bit."
Draco had to look in the box to make sure Harry wasn't lying. "How were you able to find it?" Draco asked, clearly pleasantly surprised.
Harry smirked and shrugged, "I know a guy, it helps that he's a werewolf and brews wolfbane too." He said.
Of course he did. Draco wondered when he'd stop being surprised at Harry's weird connections. "Well, tell him I said thank you." He said, closing the box again, "and uh, thank you, Harry." He said with a small smile. He had one out of four of the major ingredients. Harry was serious and Draco felt grateful for the help.
"It's no problem." He said as he leaned against the counter. "I thought you only used aconite for wolfsbane though? How will it be useful for your potion?"
Draco grabbed the box then walked towards his potion room and placed it on the prep table, he already knew Harry would follow. "It's not only used for wolfsbane but it's mostly used for that." He explained as he opened the box again and taking the plant and casting a preservation charm on it to keep it alive and fresh. "Aconite helps control the wolf when you're a werewolf. It keeps you from losing control, right?" Harry nodded in response as he watched Draco. "The feral part of the wolf is essentially a mental thing- I won't bore you with the exact science because that's besides the point- but so are nightmares, it's a trauma response. A mental trauma response, which is why your magic becomes unstable in your sleep from night terrors. You following?" He asked, looking at Harry.
"I don't think I am, but go on." Harry said, crossing his arms and leaning against the table.
"So, if I pair this with ingredients such as; Lavender, ginger root, newt spleens, and other similar ingredients that aid in calming someone I'm hoping that the aconite will help their brain remain in control if that makes sense. If I'm being honest, I'm taking a shot in the dark here." He said with a small chuckle and ran his hand through his hair. "But, I'm paring it with Murtlap tentacle which has powerful healing properties so I'm hoping over time, it'll heal the brain." He said, picking at his nails, "Well, heal is a poor choice in words as trauma isn't something you can heal from, more like the equivalent of taking muggle medicine for something like depression."
"That's a lot, you've really looked into this. Haven't you?" Harry said then smiled, "Makes me a bit more reassured that this will work. What about the other ingredients?" He asked curiously.
"It took me months to get these two potion recipes perfect." He admitted. "The other potion essentially has fluxweed and dragons nail, I know dragons nail is typically used for a mind boost but hear me out," he said, holding up his hand in case Harry were try to cut him off. "It's typically used to 'boost' the brain so to speak, but again paired with calming ingredients the potion should calm the brain while making the brain more aware in a way. So this will have more sleep drought mixed with a brain boost kind of effect. What I'm hoping is that since it's paired with fluxweed, another healing plant, it'll have the same desired effect as the other potion but this one will hopefully make you aware that you're dreaming instead of reliving trauma." He explained as he waved his hands around a bit, something he usually did when he talked about his passions, "Once aware you're dreaming it'll be easier to control your emotions and your magic while asleep. You can even control your dreams or even wake yourself up so you're not trapped. Think of it as a Riddikulus for nightmares in a way." He said then felt a little embarrassed for rambling, "I know it's a lot. Sorry I'm probably boring you."
Harry had listened intently the entire time Draco talked and nodded occasionally. Sometimes his ears would perk up when Draco said things that had made sense to him. "That's brilliant." He said with a smile, "Which one are you going to brew first?" He asked.
Draco shrugged, "Whichever one I get the ingredients to first. If I get the rest at the same time then probably the one without dragons nail." He said and pulled up a stool. "Admittedly I'd love to have a dragons nail for my own personal collection but I won't be too upset if I have to use it."
Harry nodded, "You should've told me earlier, I could've asked for spares."
Draco quickly shook his head, "Oh no, it's alright. You're already helping me gather the ingredients that's more than enough." He said.
Harry shrugged. "Your potions gonna benefit me so it's really no problem." He said with a slight chuckle.
Draco rolled my eyes playfully, "You're also going to be a test subject so it balances out."
"And when it works it'll help me so I'll ask for another dragons nail." He said with a mischievous grin. "It's not up to you."
If Draco hadn't been shocked at the fact that Harry said 'when it works' he would've replied with something cheeky but he just kept repeating Harry's words in his head.
When it works.
When.
"Are you always this stubborn, potter?" He asked, crossing his arms. Unfortunately that was the best comeback he had at the moment.
"Most of the time, yes." He said with a smirk. "You must not be too bothered by it since you haven't kicked me out yet." His tone was amused.
"Key word in that sentence is yet." Draco said as Harry plopped up on his prep table. "You're cleaning this whole table now." He gestured to the table. "I swear, potter every time I clean it for the night you decide that's the best place to sit." He said, though he was only half annoyed.
Harry gave a guilty smile. "There's only one stool and you're sitting on it. Sorry." He said and got down.
"You have shit manners."
"Yeah, yeah. Add it to the list of things I'm shit at."
"I will." Draco said, and he did. He added it to the mental list. "It's getting to be quite long."
Draco wasn't sure if telling Harry what he was shit at was a serious list or an inside joke anymore. There was a strong probability of it being both.
It took another two weeks before Harry came back but this time it had been earlier in the evening as the sun was still up. It must've been his off day since he was in muggle clothes and Draco wondered if Harry influenced the Weasleys or vice versa. It was hard to tell since Harry grew up with Muggles but if he recalled correctly the Weasleys father had been interested in everything muggle. Harry was wearing dark blue jeans, a plain light gray t shirt, red zip up jacket which was unzipped with a more dark gray trench coat which was also open and his unruly hair was covered by a beanie. England weather was horrible this time of year.
Harry still had a shit taste in fashion.
"I've got the fluxweed." He said as he pulled out a thick brown paper bag. "Turns out Neville grows them himself at Hogwarts." He said, smiling as he handed the bag to Draco.
"Longbottoms a professor?" Draco asked, a bit shocked. He accepted the bag and went towards his potions lab and emptied the bag on his prep table to examine them.
"Yeah, it's his second year teaching. He's always had an interest in Herbology." Harry explained. "He's managed to grow a few rare and regulated plants without the ministry knowing, says it's less annoying that way. Makes teaching rare plants easier."
The fluxweed was in great condition, they looked healthy. If Harry hadn't told him a Hogwarts professor grew then he would've assumed someone from the ministry with expert plant knowledge grew them. "He's quite good at it." Draco said, putting them back in the bag and casting a preservation charm on them.
He now had two ingredients, but he still couldn't brew. They were half of the last ingredients he needed for one of the potions. He wasn't too upset about it considering Harry was getting his hands on stuff pretty quick. "He really is. I wish I could show you his greenhouse, it's amazing."
A surge of guilt filled his chest at the mention of the greenhouse. Draco wondered if this greenhouse was better than the last. It had to have been if Neville could grow his own little garden of plants without being caught. Draco wished he could see it but he doubted he ever would because… well, there were a list of reasons.
"Tell Longbottom I said thanks." He said with a forced smile. He did wonder if Neville was doing okay, though.
They talked a bit more, mainly Harry asking more questions about the potion but he didn't understand anything of what Draco talked about meanwhile Draco loved finally having someone to talk about potions with. Even if Harry didn't understand them. His friends let him talk about potions with them but it was somebody new to discuss it with.
It was another week before Harry found his way back into the shop with two small boxes and a big smile on his face. "I've got the last two ingredients." He said as he held them out for Draco.
He was shocked, he hadn't expected to have the ingredients this quickly. He could start brewing tonight! "Thank you, Harry." He said, taking them and making his way to his potions lab and unboxing the murtlap tentacle then the dragons nail. There were multiple nails, more than he needed. He really hated how nice Harry was sometimes. "You didn't have to ask for so many." He said, but his mask was slipping. He couldn't help the small smile that formed on his face.
Harry shrugged and plopped up on the prep table, "It was so trouble really. You said you wanted extra for your collection." He said, looking over at Draco. "How long will it take to brew? Which one are you going to brew first?"
It was Draco's turn to shrug, "The amount of time will depend on which one I brew first. Potion A needs a week with very little interruptions, potion B only needs two days but a lot of attention. I'm not sure which one would be better. I reckon I could start with potion B as that'll be quicker." He crossed his arms and leaned against the table. "Or do you have one that you'd want to try first. After all, you did get the key ingredients."
"No preference. Do you need help with prep? I may be "shit at potions" but I know how to prep when given instructions." He said, using air quotes.
"You can start by cleaning the table," Draco began before going to grab stuff for prep. He decided to go with the first potion as he didn't want the aconite to die. He didn't fully trust preservation charms. He grabbed his cutting boards, knives, and a few other things while Harry sanitized the table. He tried to hide his nervousness. He wasn't having doubts but he was scared it wouldn't work, but he was also excited to brew. He knew one of them would work.
It didn't take Harry too long to cut up the ingredients Draco placed in front of him while Draco set up the cauldron and it also didn't take long to start brewing. Within two hours the fire to the burner was on and Draco finished the initial stirring until he was at the point where he had to let it sit for the week. While he was stirring Harry had picked up and sanitized the table.
"How long until it's finished?" Harry asked, leaning against the table.
"A week. I'll try it out to make sure it's safe and then you'll try it." Draco said, casting a quick charm around the brewing station so it was safe to leave alone without causing a fire. "So come by in a week and a half so you can test it out."
"Do you want me to monitor you in case something goes wrong?" Harry asked.
Draco shook his head, he couldn't ask Harry to monitor him. Not because he didn't trust him, because he knew Harry would make sure he was okay but because that would be asking too much. "I can take care of myself." He said as he pushed away from the prep table. It was pretty late at this point, it was almost 11 pm and he knew Harry most likely had work tomorrow. Harry didn't look too pleased with Draco saying he could take care of himself, though so Draco sighed in defeat. "I can ask Pansy to look after me if you're that concerned."
"Okay, just owl me or send me a patronus if anything happens."
Draco nodded then Harry left. He couldn't believe he was finally brewing his potion! He just hoped this week would fly by, but unfortunately he knew it wouldn't.
The week, as predicted, dragged by. It didn't help that Draco had been checking the time every hour of every day. He also found himself checking his potions lab five times a day to make sure everything was okay. Everything went smoothly which he was happy about. He grabbed a few vials and began to fill them, making sure he didn't spell any in the process. A part of him was impatient and wanted to take it now but it was too early and Pansy wasn't going to show up for a few hours. Instead, he just stared at the vials.
It was his potion.
The potion he made.
The one he invented.
It looked beautiful in the crystal drop shaped vial. It was a beautiful blue-purple. Now all he had to do was test it out once Pansy arrive to make sure he didn't experience any side effects. He thought he was done with the waiting but this is the last time he'd have to wait. Once she got here, there would be no more waiting. Just potion taking.