It's an honest work if I can stand up on it,
Maybe we're not as far apart as it appears.
Swallowing the blame is second nature,
I've got to keep on handling my business my way.

-Armistice by MuteMath

Chapter Twelve

I picked up my speed as I recognized the trees that bordered our house. I knew I was near Bella and I had to close that final bit of distance. I darted through the back door and up the stairs not thinking of anything but the steady heartbeat that was coming from the upstairs room. Before I could get through her bedroom door I was stopped by a firm hand. For the first time I took notice of my surroundings. I was overwhelmed by the amount of anger and grief that was floating in the air. Rosalie stood in front of me, fury written so clearly all over her face.

"Rose," Emmett's voice cautioned from behind me.

"No, I don't want to hear it. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't throw him through a window at this very moment."

In a split second Emmett came around me and firmly wrapped Rosalie in his arm, putting her in a tight bear hug. Carlisle moved to stand next to me, showing his solidarity. "Rosalie, Jasper needs to talk to Bella."

"He doesn't deserve to be within spitting distance of Bella. What? You haven't hurt her enough Jasper? You have to completely destroy her last shred of peace."

Her words stung and I didn't try to hide it. I deserved this and I knew I had to accept that. "I need to apologize and talk to her."

"Why should I let you?" She continued, venom filling her voice.

I took a deep breath. Why should she? It was a reasonable question and I knew I had to convince her that I was serious about seeing her. I told her the only thing that would sway Rosalie, the truth. "Because I love her."

Rosalie stopped struggling against Emmett's hold on her and searched my eyes. "You love her?"

"Yes. I don't know exactly whether it's romantic or if I am ready for relationship. I do know that Bella is the most important person in my life and I need her. I have to explain this to her."

"Rosalie, he is telling the truth. You know this. Jasper deserves to be heard and Bella has the right to hear what he has to say. Bella needs this as much as Jasper," Carlisle spoke softly, reaching out to release Rosalie from Emmett's grasp.

Rosalie stepped forward once she was free and continued to look at me. She was trying to read my face. I must have passed her inspection because she stepped aside. "Bella is still sleeping from the sedative. Esme is with her right now."

"Why don't you all go downstairs and Jasper and I can wait for her to wake up," Carlisle suggested.

Esme exited the room, obviously hearing everything that was said. I kept my eyes averted, too ashamed to meet her eyes. I should have known better though. She came over to me anyways, putting her fingers under my chin, forcing me to look into her eyes. They were soft and warm. "I love you Jasper. I'm sorry for earlier."

"What did you do?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

She just smiled to herself. "I doubted you and I know I should have never done that."

"Thanks," I mumbled, feeling vulnerable.

She stretched up and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before heading downstairs with the rest of the family. I looked ahead into the Bella's room. It was dim as the sun was setting outside. Small streaks of light shown across the room, one ray fell precisely across her sleeping face. She had an angelic glow. I sighed, stepping forward into the room.

"The sedative I gave her was very mild so she should wake up soon. I suggest you stay out here until I talk to her. I don't want her to start hyperventilating again if she sees you."

"That sounds reasonable," I said, although my heart didn't agree. I wanted to go into the room and get as close as possible to Bella. I wanted me to be the first person she saw when she opened her eyes. But, I had made this mess and I would do everything possible to make it better, and if that meant staying away from Bella for a little bit longer then so be it.

Carlisle walked into the room, shutting the door behind him so Bella had no chance of seeing me. I could still hear the soft breathing of Bella as she slept through the door, which was comforting. I took a seat on the floor, leaning my head back against the wall so I could hear more closely every sound in the room. Carlisle took her vitals, whispering that she was fine to me. I thanked him for the piece of information and settled in for my wait.

I tried using the time to work my way through my muddled thoughts and emotions. There were so many pieces of this puzzle that it was hard to imagine that they could fit together to create one big picture. It was obvious Bella and I were grieving over what we had lost. There was no doubt about that. We also were very close and we were both a comfort to the other. But we had been blurring the line between family/friend and something more. It seemed like we were doing something wrong by having romantic feelings for someone so soon after our significant other had died. When was an appropriate time to move on? Was there a specified time that you were supposed to grieve? Was I betraying Alice by thinking about that amazing kiss that Bella and I had shared?

I remembered the message that Alice had given Bella for me, to continue living my life. It had seemed so ridiculous at the time that she should tell me that. I had thought that there was no possible way that I could continue any semblance of a life without Alice. But, now that I was facing that option, I wonder if this is what Alice had in mind. Did she see this happening, once she had known she was going to die? Deep down I knew Alice would be happy for me and Bella. There is no way she would hold it against us finding comfort in each other. She would want us to be together, Carlisle was right.

But, did I want to be with Bella romantically? It seemed like I was choosing whether or not I wanted to be with her the rest of my life or not. I just didn't know if Bella and I would be happy together. She was patient with me and thoughtful. She was so intelligent and I loved talking with her. However, she could be very infuriating when she was self-depricating or being obstinate about something. And we came from such different backgrounds. I just didn't know. My only other relationship was Alice and she made that decision for me. I just kind of fell in love with her at first sight. This was different. I guess I had to accept the fact that I didn't know and would have to figure this out with Bella. Maybe this was all a moot point because Bella knew she didn't want to be with another vampire. Maybe she wanted to have a normal human life. I didn't even think about that.

There was a rustle as Bella, I assumed, shifted in her bed. She moaned quietly while her breathing started to pick up.

"Bella, hey there," Carlisle's soothing voice calmed Bella.

"Where is Jasper?" Bella blurted out. I couldn't help but be pleased that I was the first thing on her mind.

"He is nearby. I need to talk to you first quickly. First how do you feel? I'm sorry that I had to give you a mild sedative to keep you calm."

There was a pause before she answered. "I have a slight headache, but otherwise I feel fine."

"Did you want to talk to Jasper?"

"Yes," she responded without hesitation. "But, I wanted to talk to you about something important."

"Go on then."

"Well, I wanted to tell you that I have made my decision about being a vampire."

"And it is?"

"I want to become one of you."

"I thought after a day like this you would have gone the other way," Carlisle said. He was awash with confusion.

"I just realized how much I need to permanently belong with a family. I need all of you, apart from what happens with Jasper. The fact of the matter is that my friends will move away and eventually my parents will die. I need you to be my family."

"We will be your family even if you do not become a vampire. If you stayed mortal, we would not leave your side."

"I know that. But, I would still only have one human lifetime with all of you. That is not enough. I am selfish and want more. I want to become a vampire so that I can spend lifetimes with this family."

Carlisle was filled with happiness that swelled outward, giving me a boost of confidence. "Then it would be my honor to change you myself Bella. When do you want it to happen?"

"I haven't thought that much about it, honestly. I do want to go to college and have a few last months with Charlie. Probably sometime after Christmas."

"That sounds reasonable to me. If anything changes you just tell me. There is no shame if you want to back out or put it off later."

"Thank you Carlisle," Bella said sincerely. She truly was pleased with how the conversation had gone. However, there was still a dark cloud hanging over her mood and I had a hunch that it had to do with me. Carlisle must have recognized something in her demeanor as well because he spoke quickly, "I'll get out of your hair and let Jasper come talk to you. He is probably waiting anxiously out in the hallway."

I took that as my cue to enter the room. My eyes fell on Bella who was sitting up in the bed, her legs drawn to her chest. She was taking up an unreasonably small space, hunched into such a small shape. I wanted to untwist her body out of this defensive pose. I wanted her to look relaxed, natural. But in order to do that I had to fix her first.

Carlisle exited, kissing Bella on the cheek and then patting me on the back as he left. Without Carlisle in the room as a buffer there was just thick awkwardness filling the room. Part of me wanted to start on my long rambling apology from earlier. Another part wanted to confess my complicated feelings to her. Yet a third part of me wanted to scoop Bella into my arms and kiss her endlessly. I couldn't pick which approach was most appropriate so I settled for a simple "hello."

"Hey," Bella replied meekly.

Well, that plan went well. I was back at where I started. I needed to draw on every last reserve of courage in order to start. I forced myself to look into Bella's eyes and in their depths I found what I was looking for, the strength to say everything.

"I am so sorry for what I said to you. It was unthinkable of me to say those things to you. I knew I was playing on a part of you that will always be wounded from when Edward left you. That was unforgivable of me."

Before I could say anything else, she quickly said, "I forgive you."

I lost my momentum at hearing those words. I let out the breath I had held in my lungs and just stared at the woman in front of me. I probably should have been less surprised, but I wasn't. I was completely floored by her amazing ability of forgiveness.

"But, why? I don't deserve it."

"Maybe not," Bella conceded slowly. "But, we are in an unimaginable situation which lends itself to unthinkable actions. I can honestly say if you are feeling even the slightest bit of confusion that I am, then your actions are more understandable."

I collapsed onto the bed, folding my legs so that I was sitting across from her. I was so relieved that we might be on similar pages after all. "Bella, I have no idea what I feel. I have to be completely honest with you, that kiss we shared was amazing. It scared me that I could feel that so soon after Alice's death."

"I feel the same way," Bella responded shyly, picking at a thread on the bedspread. "I enjoyed that kiss, more than I should have. I care about you deeply Jasper. Some days I feel like you are the only thing keeping me grounded. That scares me. I can't lose somebody again."

"I can't either. You are the most important thing in my life right now."

"But we shouldn't feel these things so close to their deaths."

She was struggling with the same problem I had. "What did Alice tell you to tell me?"

Bella sighed, probably already knowing where this was going. "She wanted you to move on with your life. I remember once I agreed she got a faraway look like she had seen that it would be alright."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she saw this happening, us being closer. Neither Alice nor Edward would want us to stay a part because of them. They would want us to be happy. If the situation was reversed, would you begrudge Edward finding someone else to be happy with after you were gone?"

"Of course not. I would want him to continue on existing and being happy."

I nodded my head in agreement. "They would want no different for us."

"Then where does that leave us?"

That was a good question with so many different answers. The answer depended on the path that we decided to take. The simplest answer would probably be best. "Free. We can do what we want without constantly consulting whether or not if it is the appropriate time to do so. We are always going to be sad about what happened. We will always miss them, but that cannot be an excuse for us to not live. We need to do what makes us happy."

Bella looked up at me for the first time since we started this conversation. Her eyes were warm and soft as she looked at me. There was a hint of anxiety that ran through her emotions. "What will make you happy?"

I gave her a genuine grin. "You becoming a vampire and joining this family officially."

"So you heard that?" Bella smiled back easily. "Eavesdrop much?"

I chuckled. "It's hard not to with my kind of hearing. I was extremely happy to hear you have decided to officially become a part of this family. Although, I have to second Carlisle's sentiment that I wouldn't go anywhere if you decided to stay human."

"Where would be the fun in that? I really do want to be a vampire. I just want to have a few human experiences before I am turned."

"Like what?" I was anxious to hear is there was something special I could do for Bella.

"I still would like to go to college, even if it is just for a quarter."

"You still want to go with me this fall then?"

"Of course I do," Bella laughed. It was so carefree and light. It was intoxicating. I felt a hundred times better just hearing that laugh. I knew then that everything would be okay with us.

"What other experiences do you want?"

Bella blushed a little, shifting her eyes downward briefly before looking back up at me. "I want to go on a date."

I couldn't keep the confused look off my face. "Huh?" I responded eloquently.

"I have never really gone on a date before and I kind of would like the experience."

"But Edward?"

"We didn't really date. It was kind of like we were acquaintances and then we were in a relationship. There was no in between."

"So you are saying…" my voice trailed off.

"I'm trying to subtly hint to you that I would like to go on a date with you."

"A date?" I had no idea where my century and a half worth of speaking skills went.

Bella groaned. "Yes. A traditional outing between a girl and a guy, usually as a part of a courtship."

"You want to date me?" I still couldn't really wrap my head around this concept.

Bella turned a little more serious now. "I don't know. I have feelings for you and I don't know whether it is romantic or not. I am so confused right now. I figure the best thing to do is try and take things slow and easy."

I stopped to think about what she was saying, digesting the words. It seemed like such an obvious solution now that she had mentioned it. Why did we have to make a decision right then whether or not we wanted to be in a relationship? Instead we coul take things slow, in a more relaxed setting. However, this was still a foreign territory to me. I had never dated.

"Of course if you know for sure you don't want to be with me then you can forget this entire conversation," Bella spoke quickly, trying to back peddle.

"No, it's just that I have never dated somebody before. Alice and I were just in a relationship, there was no dating before hand. And the couple women I had been with before Alice…well they were not even close to relationships."

"There were women before Alice? What kind of women?" Bella gulped.

Oh no, now I really did it. "They were just some newborns that I had trained. I was a man and well they were women and let's just say things happened."

Bella nodded but didn't say anything. I didn't need her to speak to know that she felt an insane amount of inferiority, probably for being compared to vampire women. "Bella, they meant nothing to me. Alice was the first woman that I loved and there has no other woman of importance in my life."

"It's just that with Edward, at least he was as inexperienced as I was. You however have been with scores of women in probably more ways than I can imagine. I just don't know how I could ever compare."

"Simple." I reached forward and turned her around, pulling her back into my arms. She instantly relaxed into my embrace, melting against my body. "There is no comparison. You are your own being and I can't compare you even if I wanted to. You are unique in every way and I don't want you thinking any differently." My voice hardened towards the end, trying to really ingrain this concept into Bella's head.

"Okay," Bella's voice was still uncertain and I knew I had not heard the last of this conversation. But I let it go for now.

"So, if I were to take you on this date, what would that entail?"

"I don't know. Show me what you would do with a normal girl if you were interested in her. I want to have fun and also get to know you better."

That seemed simple enough. My brain was already running through numerous possibilities. Maybe I would ask for some advice from the family. Esme and Carlisle probably would have some good ideas, even Rosalie might have some good input if she had forgiven me yet. I was just going to ignore any advice Emmett gave me.

"Then Isabella, may I have the honor of your company on a date."

Bella giggled. "It would be my pleasure." She punctuated the sentence with a yawn.

"That sedative is probably still in your system. Why don't you lie down."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Of course."

Bella crawled out of my lap and back under the covers. I swung my legs over the edge of bed to get off it when I felt my hand being tugged. I turned to see Bella staring up at me. "Lie with me?"

I knew that this was a huge step for her. The space next to her had always been reserved for Edward, but there she was letting me take his spot. I didn't hesitate before laying down next her so that we were facing each other. I smoothed her hair back from her face, letting my fingers linger on her warm cheek. She smiled softly and slowly lowered her eyelids. She was feeling utter contentment and I couldn't help feeling a little bit proud that I had some part of that. She wasn't quite asleep yet though.

"When you say my full name, you say it with an accent, but it's not Italian."

"It's Spanish, like Queen Isabella of Castile."

Bella was mildly curious, but sleep was pulling her under. "Do you speak Spanish?"

"Fluently Isabella," I accented her name again. It caused a shiver to course through her body and smiled to myself, knowing I now had my term of endearment for my Bella.

That night was special for me. It was the first time that throughout the night my name was mentioned more times in her dream than anybody else…combined.

I stretched my legs and sighed. I was extremely comfortable as I tightened my hold on the pillow in my arms. The softness of the pillow reminded me that it wasn't what I wanted. I opened my eyes and saw that there was a note lying on the bed next to me. I jolted up and grabbed the scrap of paper quickly, scared that Jasper had left me again.

My Isabella,

I will return later today for our date. Carlisle already called your father last night to tell him you were sleeping over. Esme and Rosalie should be downstairs. I look forward to seeing you later today.

Love,

Jasper

I fell back into bed, relieved that Jasper would be back. After yesterday I knew now how much he meant to me. I knew that my future was with Jasper either as a friend or as something more didn't really matter. Jasper had taken the broken parts of me and put them back together. I was no longer a helpless mess. I survived the worst imaginable situation and I knew I was stronger than I thought. Jasper showed me how strong I was and I was so thankful for that. I'd like to think I helped him a little through all of this, but I couldn't imagine how I could be of any assistance to a vampire.

"Bella?" Rosalie knocked on my door.

"Come in," I called out from my bed.

Rosalie stepped into the room, a vision in a flowing cotton summer dress. Her hair hung freely down her back, swishing as she walked. I reminded myself that in a few short months I would maybe not be as beautiful as her, but I would finally be playing in the same ballpark.

"What time is it?" I wondered as I pushed myself back out of bed.

"It's 8:30 in the morning."

I jumped the rest of the way out of bed. "I slept…" I paused trying to do the math.

"Sixteen hours. It's really not a big deal considering you had sedatives in your system. And we called your dad so he knows you are fine." Rosalie's voice was airy and unconcerned.

There was a silence before I realized that she never gave a reason as to why she was in my room. "So, can I help you with something?"

"Esme wanted me to come tell you that breakfast is ready."

My stomach growled embarrassingly loudly, even to human ears. Since I skipped dinner yesterday, I guess it had a reason to be peeved with me. "Thanks, I am just going to take a quick shower and I will be down in a minute."

Rosalie nodded in response and then quickly turned out of my room and down the hallway. I wondered if I had pissed her off somehow. Rosalie and I were not best friends but I had felt that we had a struck a healthy balance in the last couple of months. Maybe I was wrong or maybe I was just making a mountain out of a mole hill. I shrugged it off as I went through my dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and tank top. The weather was finally starting to warm up now that it was June. I was looking forward to it.

I hopped into the shower and enjoyed the water that helped relax some of my sore muscles from staying in bed so long. By the time my hair had been blow dried, I felt good as new in my fresh clothes. I took the stairs at probably an unwise pace but the smell of French toast and bacon from the kitchen was calling to me. I skidded into the kitchen on my socks and took a deep breath. It smelled so good. My stomach gave an angry lurch, demanding me to feed it. I glanced at the kitchen table and saw that Esme had already set a place for me with a large stack of French toast on it and handful of bacon pieces. There was also a large glass of orange juice along with milk.

"Thank you so much Esme, I am starved," I told her appreciatively as I took my place at my seat.

"You're welcome. I thought you might be hungry. Carlisle already headed to work but he told me to tell you that you are to drink plenty of fluids."

I felt a warmth spread through me at the thought of Carlisle and Esme caring for me. I never really complained but I felt I was always the parent with my mom and I had to take care of her. With my dad it was more like we were equals, each of us doing our own bit in the relationship. I enjoyed the idea that Carlisle and Esme from time to time would do this for me, take care of me. They would be my parents forever. That was a nice thought.

The first bite melted in my mouth and I knew I had died and gone to heaven. One thing I would miss about being human was food. It would probably get boring having nothing but blood for the rest of my existence, but it was a price I was willing to pay to stay with this family.

Esme sat down, but instead of watching me she doodled in her sketch book. There were vague drawings of cottages and furniture. I wondered what was on her mind.

I continued to eat, but I noticed that Rosalie had yet to make an appearance. "Where is Rosalie?"

Esme hesitated a second. "I think she is in her room."

"Is she upset at me?" I was concerned at the look on Esme face. I remembered that I had chosen immortality last night and maybe that had angered Rosalie. "Is she mad that I am going to become a vampire? She won't have to see me that often if she doesn't want to." I rambled on.

Rosalie quickly appeared into room, sighing dramatically as she sat down at the table. "It's not because you are going to become a vampire. I accepted that fate ages ago. No, I'm annoyed about something else." Her voice was serious and I tried to come up with something I could have done to make her mad.

"I just think you forgave Jasper way too easily. Emmett once stained my third favorite blouse in one of his crazy plans and I wouldn't sleep with him for two months."

I laughed a little, now knowing my crime. "I'm sorry Rosalie but I just can't hold a grudge. I love Jasper and I don't want to see him hurt."

"So, you love him too?" Rosalie quirked her eyebrow.

I thought about what I said and nodded. "I really do. I don't know if I have romantic feelings for him, but I do know I care deeply about him and I can't bear to see him in pain. He is truly sorry for what happened and I can't fully blame him. We are in an impossible situation."

"I guess," Rosalie conceded. "Still I would have liked to see you freeze him out a little longer. Anyways, do you know what you are going to wear on your date tonight?"

I shouldn't have been surprised that they already knew all about it. "I don't know. I figured you guys could pick me out some perfect outfit."

Esme opened her mouth smiling, but Rosalie cut in first. "As much as your wardrobe could use improving, I know what Jasper has in mind for your date and how he looks at things, I think he would appreciate something that is your own. He likes you for who you are, not somebody all wrapped up differently. Trust me if the guy doesn't like you for who you are, then he is not worth it."

"Ugh, Alice wouldn't have said no," I replied indignantly. I regretted saying that, hoping Rosalie wouldn't take offense.

She laughed, though. "You must have something that is date appropriate."

"Nothing he hasn't already seen before. I at least want to wear something new. Can we at least go out shopping and you help me pick something out? I swear you can veto anything that you think I would not normally wear."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Will you come as well Esme?"

Esme beamed in response and for the first time in my whole life I didn't one hundred percent dread a shopping trip.

I slowed my pace as I came upon the treaty line. I had to admit I was a little nervous. While we had suspended the treaty lines until Victoria was caught, the wolves were the only one taking advantage of that. None of the vampires had stepped a toe across the line. But I wanted to visit Jacob and sure I could have called, but I was curious. I wanted to see the reservation. I wanted to know where Jacob lived. I counted him a good friend at this point and I thought it only fair since he knew all of our secrets and had been to our house on numerous occasions, that I should get to see where he lived.

I took a deep breath and took a cautious step forward. I glanced around me and when I was not immediately struck down by God or attacked by a wolf I continued at a quicker pace. I could hear and smell the wolves nearby, but they kept their distance. They were probably just curious to what I was up to. I didn't meander, I took a straight path to the town. Once I reached the main road, I realized I had no idea which one was Jacob's house. I glanced around me, trying to see if I could spot Jacob's car or some other sign of which house he lived at.

"Hey Jasper," a young voice called out.

I turned to see Seth running towards me in just his shorts. "Hey kid. What's up?"

"The pack sent me to check up on you. They want to know why you are here. Has there been an attack?" Seth spoke very quickly, especially for a human.

"Nothing like that. I just came by to see Jacob. Actually, could you point out his house to me? I just realized I have no idea what his address is."

Seth laughed easily. "Just go down this road about two more blocks and his house is 612. It'll be on your right."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. Go ahead and go report back to the pack that I mean no harm."

Seth looked a little sheepish. "They were just curious because none of you have been on the land before. I trust you."

"I know you do, it's fine. I'll see you later." I waved goodbye and headed down the road in the direction he pointed me in. The weird thing is, I knew that Seth did trust us. He wasn't lying. His nature should make it so he would have an aversion to us. Even Jacob had to fight the natural feeling of disgust in him. Seth didn't have that trouble. He just was that happy of a kid that the wolf nature didn't have an effect on him. He truly was one of a kind.

I came up to a modest brown house. I noticed Jake's Rabbit parked to the side of the house. The place looked small and quaint. Not what you would expect of the house of a werewolf, but for some reason it fit. I walked up to the house and knocked quickly, knowing I was past the point of no return.

The door opened relatively quickly and before me was a man in the wheel chair. "Billy Black I presume?"

The man nodded stiffly. "Yes. What do you want?"

Okay, so Jake and Billy did not share the same attitude towards vampires. "I was wondering if Jacob was home. I'm Jasper Hale and I was…"

"I know who you are and I don't really care why you are here."

"Dad, give it a break. Come on in Jasper." Jacob gave his dad a smack on the back and whispered in his ear, "Be nice."

Billy rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Can I offer you a refreshment, Mr. Hale?" He held out his wrist to me.

Jacob groaned, but I kept my face completely frozen. "Actually, if you don't mind I prefer to drink from the neck."

Billy's lip twitched. He grunted something unintelligible and wheeled himself off into the kitchen. I felt out for his emotions, and the hatred had ebbed a slight bit. A small victory for me.

Jake was just shaking his head at me. "You really are crazy, you do know that right?"

"I've heard it said."

"Come into the front room. I was just watching some tv."

I followed him into the tiny room. It was cramped with limited furniture. The only seating was the couch and that just seemed like an awkward way to have this conversation with Jake, so I took a seat on the ground, curling up so my head leaned against my knees. Jake took his spot back on the couch, lounging on it. He had learned not to comment on our sometimes weird seating arrangements. He knew we were comfortable however we sat, so he didn't push the fact that I was sitting on the floor.

"So, what brings you onto the reservation? I'm sure the pack wasn't too happy to see you."

"They sent Seth to check up on me and see what I was up to."

Jake chuckled slightly. "Of course that was probably Sam's doing. He trusts you guys in theory, but I imagine actually seeing you walk on tribal land irked him. But, he is a man of his word. He won't harm you or any of the other Cullen's while the treaty is still on hold."

"Oh I understand. Don't worry, Sam didn't offend me. I probably would be a little concerned about his leadership if he didn't send somebody."

"I'm guessing, though, you didn't come down here to discuss the pack."

"You guessed right." I looked him straight in the eye, assessing his emotions. From the feel of things, he was really calm. My guess is he hadn't had the chance to just chill out in a while, between patrols, Bella, and now his new soul mate. I didn't really want to burst his bubble of peace, but I knew I had upfront about Bella and me. "I came to talk about something that happened last night after you left."

"Oh really?" He straightened up a little, and leaned forward, his chin balanced in his hands. He sensed that this conversation was serious.

"I had a discussion with Bella because I was a little concerned about how she was taking you having imprinted on somebody."

"Why? Was she upset?" Jacob looked confused.

I paused, not really knowing how to answer that. I felt it wasn't really my place to go telling Jacob about her feelings on the matter, but I also don't know if it would be easy to understand the story without knowing the context. I decided to see what Jacob deduced about her feelings. "How do you think Bella feels about you?"

Jacob was quiet for a minute, contemplating his answer. "I know she loves me, but as a friend." He paused, his eyes focused on the wall behind me. "It's weird the relationship we have, because I love her too. It's odd, but I know she is my soul mate. If the supernatural world did not exist, I know 100% that Bella and I would have gotten married, had kids, and lived happily ever after. We would have been perfectly happy. But there are other things in the world that have prevented that from happening."

"More specifically Edward," I supplied for him.

He glanced at me. "Yes."

"Then you can appreciate that Bella was a little unhappy with this new development. I think she had hoped that with time and healing that you two would get that shot at happily ever after."

Jacob's face fell and I tried to ease the guilt he felt slightly. "Damnit. I just keep hurting her even after I promised her I wouldn't."

"That's what I was dealing with after you left. Bella and I were talking about this. I was telling her how you both deserved something better because she still could never reciprocate in the way she wanted and you deserved to have that someone who could give you all of themselves. Well, there was a moment or something and Bella and I kissed."

I studied Jacob and his emotions, waiting for some kind of reaction. It was like for a split second everything about him froze as he digested that information. Then slowly a small smile grew on his face. "That's an interesting development. What happened next?"

My mood plummeted a little at the memory of the events. I didn't want to relive it, nor did I want Jacob to think less of me. But I knew I had to explain everything to him, as Bella's best friend and my good friend. "I didn't react so great."

"What is not so great?" Jacob's voice was suspicious.

I took an unnecessary breath, trying to steady my own nerves. "I pushed her down and basically told her she could never live up to Alice and that I didn't care for her."

Jacob growled and I saw that his body started to vibrate a little. I thought about calming him down, but I thought my attempts would just make him angrier. "Look, I know it was wrong and trust me you can't say anything to me that either my family hasn't said or I haven't thought."

Jacob took some steadying breaths and tried to get his emotions in check. "Did you apologize?"

"Most profusely and of course Bella accepted without question."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Of course she did. I know we should all take a page from her book and be a little more forgiving, but sometimes I gotta wonder about her sanity."

"You and Rosalie would probably be in agreement that she forgave me too quickly. Hell, I think she did too, but that is how she felt and I wasn't about to argue with her for being too nice."

"Did you guys talk about the kiss and what it meant?"

"Yes and that's the other part of why I came here. We have decided we both have feelings for each other but we don't know how romantic those feelings are. We are going to take things slow, date each other. I can't tell you how precarious this whole situation is because we both lost the loves of our lives. We are flying blind on this. I was married to Alice for so long and mere months after she is gone I am with someone else. I can't help but think what kind of person that makes me. Not to mention Bella is just regaining her feet after everything. I don't want to jeopardize that, but I also know that ignoring us is going to do nothing good."

Jake shook his head and I felt anger rolling off of him into the room. I had a feeling this might be coming. "I understand your anger at her being with another vampire."

"No, that's not what I'm angry about. I had a feeling you and Bella might start something for a while now." He paused, collecting his thoughts. I felt an internal struggle over something. "If I tell you something, will it stay between the two of us? You will never tell Bella or the rest of your family."

I didn't like to keep secrets, but then because of Alice and Edward I was never able to. I studied Jacob for a minute and I knew he had something he really wanted to tell me, something that had been weighing on him. I knew that as his friend I would let him confide in me. "It won't leave this room."

"Okay, now hear me out. I just have to get this out but please don't take this in the wrong way. I know you aren't supposed to say anything bad about the dead, but I can't say how angry at Edward I am over his actions. Part of me is glad he is dead because he can't honestly fuck up Bella's life any further. He had to take the chicken shit way out by killing himself when he caused everything to begin with by leaving Bella. I understand that he thought Bella was dead, but that is no excuse to cause that kind of suffering to his family."

Jacob took a few breaths, but I didn't say anything because I knew he was getting ready for round two. "It was cowardly what he did. You and Bella have lost the same thing he thought he lost and you are continuing to live your lives. You are putting the pieces back together one by one. And maybe I wouldn't have been so angry if he hadn't taken Alice down with him. To see what you are going through sucks and now you have to second guess all these decisions in your life, because Edward decided he wasn't man enough to face the problems he caused. I'm sorry, but I can't stand it."

I let his words settle in me. I'm sure he thought I would be indignant and defend Edward back, but the truth was I didn't have it in me. "I never said anything to anybody and I would barely admit it myself, but I blame Edward for Alice's death. He should have never done that to our family to begin with, but he must have known that Alice would see his choice. He had to know that somebody would try to stop him. Yet, he continued with his plan. I try not to dwell on it because what's done is done. There is no use being angry at somebody who is already dead. But trust me you are not alone in your feelings."

And just like that something lightened in Jacob. "Just knowing that makes me feel better. I've wanted to say something to somebody for ages, but I wouldn't dare bring it up with Bella. It would just cause her too much pain."

"I agree. But, someday, I think she might get to that same place as us. It may take her a while, but there is a lot of fight in her and she will come to that realization someday. And I'll be there with her to help work her through it."

We lapsed into silence, both having a lot to think about. I turned over our conversation in my head and remembered something he said quickly. "You foresaw Bella and I being together?"

"Yeah. I considered it for the first time a couple weeks ago when the three of us were hanging out at her house watching tv. I remember so clearly that she was lying on the couch with her legs over your lap. You were absently rubbing her legs. You two looked so comfortable together and it was the first time I noticed that both of your faces were completely peaceful. You would never guess the pain that you had gone through by looking at your guys' faces. I can't help but be happy that you have found that comfort."

I didn't expect such an honest answer from him, but I was still a little confused. "I just thought after Edward that you would be against her being with another vampire."

"You would think that, but I don't feel that way." Jacob looked like he barely believed it himself. "I see you two together and it feels right. I'm not saying that Edward wasn't some amazing boyfriend to her, but the couple times I saw them together, it was always like she was subordinate to him. There was no equality in their relationship, which I attributed to him being a vampire and her being human. Now seeing you two together, I now know it doesn't have to be that way. You treat her like an equal even though she is human."

Ah, her status as a human. I hadn't even thought of bringing that subject up with Jacob, but now that he mentioned it, I might as well get it all out in the open. If he was going to be angry, I would rather see it directed at me rather than her. "That's something else that was decided last night. Bella has made the decision to become a vampire, probably after Christmas."

Jacob whistled. "You really had an eventful evening last night."

"I want to be honest with you."

"I appreciate that you respect me enough to tell me. I have to ask, was it her decision? Did she get pressured in any way?"

His eyes penetrated mine, gaging my response. "No, we didn't," I told him honestly. "She was actually the one that brought it up last night. We have all said our peace on the matter and left the decision up to her. This is what she wants and Carlisle is willing to give it to her."

"I see," Jacob said slowly. I knew Jacob had grown to accept us and become a good friend, but this was still difficult for him. "I'm not going to lie and say I am overjoyed at this. I can't help but be sad a little that her life has turned to this. However, I'm not going to fight it, nor will I say anything to her about it. I once might have thought of this as a death sentence. I now know I can still see her and hang out with her. I just would have wished for her a normal life."

"On some level or another, everyone in my family would have wanted that too. Nobody wishes this life on another. But, since she has chosen us as a family, we are not going to deny her. We are selfish beings and are happy that she will be with us. But, we do understand your reticence."

"That's all I ask, is your patience with me on the subject." Jacob took a deep breath and fell back into the couch. "Please tell me that is all that happened last night because I don't think I can take anymore revelations. Next you are going to tell me that Charlie found out about you guys and has chosen to be a vampire as well."

"Nope, Charlie is safe for the time being," I joked.

"Good." Jacob closed his eyes and I could feel him working through everything I told him. Overall though there was no bad emotions swimming through him. If anything he was pleased that I came and decided to be open with him.

"I'm going to get out of your hair. I actually have to prepare for my date with Bella tonight."

"What are you going to do?" Jacob asked curiously.

"I don't quite know yet. She wants me to plan something normal. I think she wants to see what I would do for a girl if I was human."

Jacob nodded in understanding. "I think I get what she is going for. Just be yourself and don't get too expensive. I have no idea what her thing about money being spent on her is, but keep it simple if you want to keep her happy for the evening.

"Good advice," I said as I stood up. "Well, I guess I will talk to you later."

"Maybe, I'll come by tomorrow to see how the date went."

"I bet Bella would like to tell you about some of this stuff herself, especially about her being changed."

"Okay, tell her I will stop by after my patrol. I'll be by sometime tomorrow afternoon."

"Sounds good. I'll see you later Jacob." I headed out the door and was halfway down the walkway when someone called out from behind me. I turned around to see Billy wheeling down the path towards me.

"I was listening in on your conversation with my son, and don't expect me to apologize about it. I have a right to listen to what a vampire has to say to my son in my own house," Billy spoke gruffly.

"I understand." I really didn't want to pick a fight with him and it didn't really bother me. Billy didn't seem like the kind to gossip and who would he talk to about any of this.

"Something you said in their caught my attention and I just had to put my two cents in."

I waited, wondering what on earth he could have to say to me. I guessed that he wasn't too happy about Bella being turned into a vampire.

"You talked about what was the proper time to move on after the death of a spouse. I just have to say, don't over think the whole thing. I was married for 15 years when my wife was killed in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver. I never got over it and never even considered dating."

I felt my stomach drop a little at his words. This was the thing that bothered me. There were people like Billy who lost a spouse and never moved on. They were truly committed to the person. I felt like I was going back on my word to Alice to be committed to her.

"Now I know you must be thinking I'm some sort of saint for being loyal to her even in death, but the fact of the matter is I'm not. I was too stubborn to let her go and too scared to let someone else in. And for that I suffered. No spouse wishes that their partner remains alone after their death. They want them to be happy. I didn't know your wife but I'm sure she is no different."

"Losing a spouse is the worst thing that can happen, besides maybe losing a child. No one who hasn't been through it can imagine so people can't judge, that is if they were going to. It's nothing to be ashamed of to move on and I know Bella. She is a smart girl and if this is what she wants, you two should move forward. Don't think you are desecrating your wife's memories. You can't do that. You are merely moving forward and making new memories. I wish I had been brave enough to do so after my wife died. Don't make the same mistake I did."

"Thank you, sir." I was deeply moved that he would give me such open advice. And while he didn't say anything much different than anybody else in my family, I couldn't help but think his words carried a little more weight because he was actually a widow. "I know it must have been hard to give advice to a vampire. I appreciate the gesture and will keep your words with me."

"Good, now get going, I don't want it getting around that I was fraternizing with the enemy. I have a reputation to uphold." He made a shooing gesture towards me.

I laughed and headed back towards the woods. I glanced back around to see him still sitting on the pathway, his face had a slightly far off look to it. I was please to see though there was a small smile on his lips. Maybe I had gained a small ally in Billy Black.

A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters because of the Jasper and Jacob conversation. I had no plans of writing it and then when I got to this point it just kind of happened. It's my favorite scene, not going to lie. And I know it is my own story but the Billy scene makes me want to cry. I always felt bad for the guy. Classes have been crazy busy, but I officially am done and I pulled off a 4.0 which feels pretty amazing, so I am returning to editing this. Sorry for the delay.

Thanks soooo much for all those reading this and all of the kind comments. It really is amazing. Remember all reviews are welcome. Thanks again.