Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time

-The Saltwater Room by Owl City

Chapter Thirteen

I jiggled my leg nervously from my seat in the living room. I had set down the book that I had been attempting to read; with my nerves I hadn't taken in a single word. I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was 2 o'clock on the dot. It seemed like an early time to go on a date, but Rosalie had just shrugged at me when I asked. She said she was just the messenger. At least Rosalie and Esme had been helpful in picking out my outfit.

We had ended up just driving down to Aberdeen and found a Ross which appealed to my sensibilities. Rosalie made a couple choice remarks about the store, but then I reminded her that I was supposed to look like me for the date. We had ended up finding a cute maroon, scoop neck tee and a pair of Capri jeans. For shoes I went with an old pair of black Vans. Rosalie had done some light make up on me and pulled my hair back at the nape of my neck, leaving a few stray strands to frame my face. I had asked if I was too under dressed, but she assured me I was perfect for the day ahead of me.

I heard a car pull up out front and I looked outside to see Jasper step out of Carlisle's car. He came to the front door quickly and I went around to meet him in the foyer. We both looked at each other a little shyly. I noted that he was also clad in jeans, but with a hunter green, button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled up and the bottom untucked. I felt a lot less subconscious about my casual attire.

As if he read my mind, or more like my emotions, he spoke softly, "You look lovely."

I blushed at the simple compliment, his tone made his words better that some long, poetic phrase. "You look great as well, of course."

"Thank you."

We both kept staring at each other, and I knew this was new for both of us. "Now don't you two just look as cute as a button."

I groaned. Emmett.

Sure enough he was heading down the stairs with Rosalie floating behind him. At the commotion, Esme and Carlisle peaked out from the kitchen, where I was sure they had been listening to our entire exchange. My cheeks flared red at the embarrassment.

Luckily Esme took pity on us. "Now, Emmett leave the two of them alone. I thought I asked you to stay in your room."

"And miss out on the fun? This was worth Rosalie saying I couldn't have sex for two weeks if I left the room."

Rosalie shrugged and gave me a pitying smile, as if saying I did what I could.

"Well, as much fun as this has been. I think I am going to take Bella now." Jasper put his hand on the small of my back and led me out of the house slowly.

"You two don't do anything Rose and I would do. Remember God is watching you two," Emmett called out from the house right before I heard a loud crack, which I assumed was him getting hit by Rosalie.

I refocused though when Jasper opened the passenger door of the Mercedes for me. I got in as gracefully as possible, which was hard considering how low the car was to the ground. Jasper got in the drivers side, started up the car, and started driving.

"Why are we taking this car?" I asked.

"Our destination is a bit of a drive and I figured with this I could get us there a little faster than if we took the truck. Not to mention the forecast said there could be pockets of sunshine so I thought better safe than sorry."

"Where are we going? Dates don't usually start so early in the day."

Jasper looked a little perplexed. "When do they start?"

"Usually in the evening. A lot of the time it is dinner and movie, or something along those lines."

"But I thought you wanted me to what I would do with any other girl that I was interested in. Are you saying that I messed up?"

I laughed at Jasper's uncertainty. "No, you haven't messed up. You are just being a little unconventional and I was curious as to why? Or is the destination some sort of secret."

"No, it's not really a secret. Have you ever been to Port Townsend before?"

I dredged through my childhood memories, trying to remember if that was somewhere that Charlie had taken me as a kid. "I don't think so."

"It's an old naval port that is pretty much a historical town now. Anyways, you know how much I like history, especially military history, so I thought that was something we could experience together. There are some cool historic houses to tour and then I thought we could have a quiet dinner there. Nothing fancy."

I felt relief. The whole activity seemed so normal and honestly, just like Jasper. "That sounds perfect."

Silence enveloped us in the car, and it was a little uncomfortable. Jasper turned on the cd player and I recognized it as a Pink Floyd album, not exactly date music but it didn't bother me. I knew neither of us had any idea where we stood. I reminded myself that it wasn't bad that we didn't know what was going on. We would just let things happen. Jasper and I were still friends, no matter what, and so I thought about what I would say to my friend Jasper.

"I've been looking at the course catalog for SPSCC and I think I got a schedule figured out."

"Oh yeah?" Jasper smiled. "What are you thinking of taking."

"I thought I would take a literature class. Also, there is a philosophy class about the great thinkers that sounded interesting. I really want to take Spanish as well."

"You know Isabella, I can tutor you in Spanish personally," he spoke in a husky voice that made my toes curl.

"I was counting on it, actually." I tried to keep my voice steady. "Have you thought about what you are going to take?"

"Probably a full load of history classes. I feel like I have missed so much, even though I have lived through those times. I thought I could catch up."

At first, I was a little surprised at his class choices. Not that the history classes were a surprise, but the fact he wasn't basing his schedule off of mine. I just remembered that Edward had connived his way into being in most of my classes. Jasper was in no rush to mimic my schedule. For a brief second I wondered if he even cared, but I instantly regretted that train of thought. I remembered Jasper told me that I shouldn't compare anybody to Edward, it was unfair. Not to mention, there was something almost liberating about my schedule being my own. Jasper wasn't going to be there every second so I would be able to tell him about them at the end of the day. I wouldn't have to compare my grades to his, which would automatically be better than mine. No, my classes would be my own. I grinned at the thought.

Jasper was polite enough to not comment on probably the wide array of emotions he felt run through me in those couple of minutes. Instead he kept focused on the road. I settled into my seat, getting comfortable for the ride. The last time I had been in this car with Jasper was under much different circumstances. I wondered if Jasper remembered. For a brief moment I was drawn back into those days of separation and worry. I think he knew what I was thinking about because he reached out and placed his hand over my hand that was resting on my leg. I shifted my hand so our fingers interlaced, and just like that I was back in the present, feeling the calm that Jasper's touch always provided.

The rest of the ride was peaceful. Sometimes we chatted about normal things, well as normal as you can get with a vampire. Other times we sat in silence, listening to the music. It turned out Jasper didn't need to worry. There were no pockets of sunshine. The sky was a solid gray mass that surprisingly did not dump water on us.

We arrived in Port Townsend which, as Jasper said, was a very small town. We drove to the historic section of town and to say it was picturesque would be an understatement. There were lines of Victorian houses. The lawns were meticulously cut. Everything was in perfect blocks, just as one would expect of a former military base. We parked and got out of the car. Once again I was thankful for the overcast weather, Jasper and I could just enjoy ourselves outside.

We went on a tour of the commanding officers house, which was cool. It was furnished with historically accurate furniture. Jasper commented on numerous things, and you could tell he was extremely interested in a lot of the items. His fascination was almost childlike and it pleased me to be able to see him like this. I forgot that he was a vampire. We talked like a normal couple, and it was a relief for once to not worry about sounding weird to others around us. We looked and behaved just exactly like a normal human pair. It was comfortable.

"So, you think a desk like that would look good in our house?" Jasper questioned.

"Oh yeah, I love the detailing," I replied as we examined some of the furniture.

"But, the butter churn is a no?"

"Definitely, I don't care if it would add character; there is absolute no reason for us to own a butter churn."

"What about the human hair wreath?"

"Hell no!"

"But, it would be a fun conversation starter."

"A creepy conversation starter. People are going to walk away from our house thinking we are serial killers and that it is our trophy case for our kills."

"And you say that as if it is a bad thing. Don't ever underestimate the value of people being afraid of you. It adds zest to your life."

I laughed, giving Jasper a playful shrug. "I've got a enough zest, thank you very much."

Next we took a tour of the grounds which were amazing. We spent a long time just meandering around the place, talking and laughing. We made it down to the water and walked along it for a while, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

"So would you rather listen to a crappy song sung by a good singer or a good song sung by a crappy singer?" I asked Jasper as we slowly made it down the beach.

"You've got to give me an example to make an educated decision," Jasper answered.

"Okay, how about It's a Small World After All sung by Johnny Cash or Hallelujah sung by Emmett?"

"Oh hands down It's a Small World," Jasper laughed. "Emmett's singing is simply wretched. My turn. Would you rather eat my cooking for a day or go hungry for two?"

"That's a trick question! How am I supposed to answer that?"

"Honestly," Jasper teased.

"Fine." I bit my lip and looked at him out of the corner of my eye, a guilty expression no doubt written across my face. "I would rather go hungry."

"I knew it," Jasper announced triumphantly. "I knew you were sugarcoating my cooking skills."

We continued on in much the same fashion until my stomach growled though and Jasper glanced at his watch.

"Time to feed you."

"You don't have to make it sound like I'm your pet," I giggled.

"I'm sorry," Jasper replied sarcastically. "I think it's time for me to provide you with dinner."

I rolled my eyes. "Now you just sound like my caretaker."

"There is just no winning with you," Jasper dramatically sighed.

We headed back to the car and he popped the trunk pulling out a mini cooler and a blanket. He took it silently and headed in the opposite direction of the houses. We went up a gravelly road lined with lots of overgrowth. As we climbed a little I saw a stone structure at the top of the hill. I wondered what it was.

Sensing my curiosity, Jasper explained, "It's the original bunker. It's abandoned and empty now, but it's kind of a cool structure. We can go sit up on top and you can eat up there."

He was right, it was an interesting building. The dark stone building was ominous looking with the gray skies behind it. It was two stories with stairs on the outside that led up to the roof. I could see why it appealed to Jasper. I liked it too. It was a unique place to finish up our date. We climbed the stairs and sure enough there was a beautiful view on the roof. Jasper spread the blanket and handed me the cooler before sitting down. I sat down next to him, opening the cooler to find a store bought caesar salad, a roll, a bottle of iced tea, and a chocolate bar. It was a simple dinner, but they were all foods I loved. I dug in happily.

I glanced over at Jasper who was sitting in his favorite position. I knew that a vampire was always comfortable, no matter how they were sitting. But, Jasper seemed to always choose to sit with his knees pulled up to his chest, arms around his legs, and his chin resting on his knees. I wondered if it was how he usually sat when he was human and the habit had followed him into his second life. His profile was stunning against the dark background. I smiled before going back to my food. He didn't look over once while I ate which brought to mind a question I had wondered about for a while.

I waited until I was done eating before I spoke. I turned towards him and asked, "Why don't you look at me while I eat?"

Jasper looked at me, a little confused. "Why would I watch you eat?"

I blushed, knowing I wasn't supposed to be making comparisons, but I honestly was curious. "Edward would always watch what I ate, he said it was fascinating. You never do."

"And do you think I care about you less because I don't have that same fascination with you?" Jasper's voice was emotionless, so I didn't know what he was feeling.

"No, I'm not trying to compare you two. I just want to know if me eating is gross or something?"

Jasper turned his head and laid it down on his knees so he was looking at me sideways. A curl fell in his eyes and I didn't hesitate to reach over and sweep it back so I could see his golden eyes clearly. A small smile formed on his lips. "I don't find your eating off putting, nor do I find it interesting. It's a basic human habit that I just don't pay much attention to one way or the other. As for Edward, I have no idea why he found it fascinating, probably because he had never experienced love before and so he associated everything about you, including your eating habits as interesting and novel."

"So, you don't find me interesting and novel?"

"Nope, I find you dull and boring," Jasper deadpanned.

"I guess our relationship is doomed then," I exclaimed dramatically.

"Lucky for you I like dull and boring," Jasper said, not breaking eye contact with me.

"Lucky me," I whispered. I was captivated by his eyes, noting once again the dark flecks in his light eyes. I counted them in my head, as a means to keep myself focused. His eyes shifted minutely, glancing downwards, then back up before leaning in slowly. I hesitated for a brief moment, remembering the pain of being rejected last time. Jasper paused with me. Probably sensing my emotions, he pushed forward even more purposefully, capturing my lips with his. He kissed me softly for a period of time that I couldn't measure.

When he pulled back, I opened my eyes to see a full smile blossom on his face. I had a feeling my face mirrored his. I reached up and traced his jaw with my fingers, lightly skimming across the cold surface. "Much better than last time."

The look of happiness diminished. "I'm never going to forgive myself for that."

I sighed, knowing I probably shouldn't have mentioned it. "There is nothing left to forgive. But I do know how you can make it up to me."

Jasper raised an eyebrow questioningly. "What would that be?"

"This." I took the first step this time and initiated the kiss, sighing as our lips made contact.

"That is one of hell of a penance," Jasper chuckled when he pulled back.

"I know it's terrible, but it's a burden you are going to have to bear."

There was a brief moment of silence as the humor fell from both of our faces and we studied each other. Jasper was the first to break the moment, sighing and taking my hand. "I really should get you back."

"But it's still early," I complained.

That made Jasper smile again, probably pleased that I didn't want the date to end. "But, I don't think Charlie would appreciate me keeping you out late."

"I'm going to Charlie's tonight?" I felt unnerved that where I was staying was decided without me. I was ready to start a lecture on me getting to make my own choices when Jasper spoke up.

"I just assumed. You have been spending a lot of time at our house as of lately, but I thought you might want to spend some time with Charlie with our move to Olympia approaching. And then with you being turned after Christmas, you really don't have much time left with him." He paused, his lips turning down. "If you want to come back to our house that is fine. Nobody is making you stay anywhere."

I thought about his words, my mind having a hard time wrapping around the idea that my time with Charlie was limited. I was trying to comprehend that, but it was difficult. "I'll stay with him for a bit. You are right," I mumbled.

Jasper cleaned up my little mess and took back my hand to lead me to the car. We were silent the entire walk and for the beginning of the car ride. I was lost in thought, imagining my life without Renee and Charlie. Luckily Jasper did not try to interrupt my thoughts. He probably recognized that this was a reality that I had to face, even at unconventional times, such as after a really nice date. There was no way around it. I wondered if we would fake my death. They were able to pull off the entire story of Edward and Alice being killed down in California with ease. Would this be just as easy?

I parked the car smoothly in the garage and stepped out, shutting the door softly behind me. I saw Rosalie's feet sticking out from the bottom of Emmett's Jeep. She was a ball of black and snarling feelings. One thing I knew about Rosalie was that she could hold a grudge for a long time and I didn't want to be on the receiving end of that. Instead I wanted to just get whatever the problem was out in the open.

"Did Emmett decide to run to Seattle instead of drive?"

"Yes."

"Has he called back to check in yet?"

"No." There goes drawing her into a conversation.

I walked over and sat up on some of the open counter space against the back of the wall. I curled my legs up to my chest and rested my arms on my knees. Rosalie's tinkering faltered for a second before she continued tightening something with a wrench. Once she was finished, she pushed herself out from underneath the car and stood in front of me, not a smudge of grease on her or her clothes. She appraised me a second before hopping onto the counter next to me.

"So how was your date?"

"It was nice. Peaceful. For a while I completely forgot that I was a vampire. I just felt like some guy that was hanging out with this girl he had a crush on."

Rosalie laughed at my description. "That's how Emmett makes me feel sometimes. He has this way of making me giggle like a little girl."

"I like when that happens to you. It reminds me that you weren't born this way. I remember about that young girl who just wanted her dreams to come true."

She paused, before blurting out, "I'm sorry." That was probably the second to last thing I expected to come out of her mouth.

"About what? Not to be rude but that could pertain to a lot of things you have done," I teased.

She didn't crack a smile at my attempt at levity. "I guess I kind of deserve that. You know everything is my fault. I keep going through all the events in my head and I always come back to the call I made. I didn't care how Edward felt, I just wanted our life to go back to the way it had been before Bella had entered it. I was relieved that she had died. I honestly thought it was all over. Instead I turned around and made things even worse."

I had no idea that she had been carrying around that kind of guilt. Her feelings were often dark as of late so I didn't really poke much further into them. I just figured she was angry and sad about Edward and Alice's death, like we all were. Instead she was yet another member of this family with a false sense of guilt.

"It isn't your fault Rosalie," I replied truthfully, reaching out a hand to pat her arm. She recoiled at my touch though.

"No it is. I set the wheels into motion. And now I have to live with the fact that I led to the death of both my brother and sister. I have to see the pain that causes you and Bella. The moment you might find some happiness in all of this mess you have to step back and second guess every decision. And instead of me being understanding of that hesitation, I nearly bite your head off for it."

"I know why you were mad. I had hurt Bella and you were just trying to protect her."

"I was just trying to ease my guilty conscious."

I shook my head, not believing her words. I wondered how many of us would try to claim the blame for their deaths. I knew Emmett thought he should have been there. Bella thought she should have been more careful and never cut herself. I should have never attacked Bella. There were so many points where if one factor changed, Alice and Edward might still be alive. It cemented what Jacob and I had been talking about earlier today in my head.

"Rosalie, Bella and I have been down this road of claiming guilt over and over again. What I am slowly coming to realize as more of us try to shoulder the blame is that the fault lies solely with Edward and Alice."

Rosalie tensed next to me like she was going to attack me. "What?"

"You know, we all made mistakes. Ultimately though it was Edward's decision to forfeit his life to the Volturi. Nobody forced him to make that decision."

"But, if I hadn't called…"

"It doesn't matter. It was still his decision," I insisted. "As for Alice, well she must have known going in that her chances of survival were slim. She decided it was worth the risk. She made that choice willingly. They both chose the path that they were on and we can be angry with them for that. But, we can't be angry at ourselves anymore. This guilt and blame is poisoning our family, making it impossible for any of us to move forward."

"I just miss them so much." Tearless sobs wracked Rosalie body. I reached over, pulling her smaller frame next to mine. I don't think Rosalie and I had ever shown each other much affection, in fact I kept my distance from most of my family. But instincts I didn't know still existed came forward and I held Rosalie tightly to me, trying to comfort her.

Carlisle stepped in at that point. I wondered how much of our conversation he heard before Rosalie broke down. When he got closer, he gave me a sad smile that told me he heard everything. He got closer to Rosalie putting his hands on her face, forcing her to look at him. "It's not your fault. We all forgave you a long time ago for the small part you played in all of this mess. We have all made mistakes throughout this debacle. I know I wish I had forced the family to stay, or maybe I could have given in to Bella's wish to become a vampire earlier. But, Jasper is right. Alice and Edward made those decisions of their own free will. All we can do is express our grief and try to continue on with our lives."

Rosalie nodded meekly. In that moment I felt something shift in both Carlisle and Rosalie. The guilt could not be erased that easily or quickly, but they both made the step in the right direction. I decided to take that first step with them.

A/N: This chapter took a little work. I felt the pressure on this chapter when I wrote it and was personally a little disappointed, but now am much more pleased with it. I've been to Port Townsend twice and loved it so I went ahead and inserted it in. Also, I think my story comes off as anti-Edward. It's not meant as such honestly. In the books I'm 100% Team Switzerland. I like all of the characters of Twilight. But, in the framework of this story, it kind of just comes out. Finally the last scene was initially the opening to the next chapter, but a lot happens in that chapter so I put it here. I think I like this better. I hope it doesn't seem disjointed.

I keep getting great reviews and so many people are following this. Thanks you so much. You inspire me to improve each chapter before I post it, trying to make this the best possible story. Love you guys!