Now you're bleary eyed and you're hypnotized
Are you bleeding?
Feel the burning cold
Not what you were told
Now you're hazy
Making out their shapes
Focus on their frames
Can you hear them?
Now you're on your feet floating in the sea
Pins and needles

-Plans and Reveries by Black Gold

Chapter Fifteen

"Bella time to wake up," a soft voice whispered in my ear.

I rolled over, curling my arm around a stray pillow. "More sleep."

"Your dad is getting ready to leave."

Those words pierced through my hazy state. I knew there was some importance in these words and for a moment I tried to grasp at why. Then in a rush yesterday came flooding back to me. I was going to be changed today and I needed to say one last goodbye to Charlie.

I threw the covers off of me, bounding out of bed quicker than was wise. My foot caught the edge of the throw rug by my bed, causing me to almost fall face first. Luckily, Jasper was there to catch me smoothly. I smiled up at Jasper who was looking down at me with amusement. "My hero," I sighed dramatically.

"I do my best ma'am." Jasper tipped an imaginary hat as he set me down firmly on my two feet.

I curtsied before heading out the room, trying to catch my dad. He was standing by the door putting on his gun holster. He looked at me in surprise.

"I hope I didn't wake you."

"Nope, I was up anyways to get an early start on packing," I lied easily. "I just came down to say one last goodbye."

Charlie pulled me into a tight hug. "You take care of yourself Bells."

"I will."

"And take care of Jasper, he cares a lot about you."

"I feel the same way about him."

"Good." He loosened his hold on me, leaning back to give me a quick kiss on the forehead. I felt a lump rise in my throat at the sign of affection. "I love you, Bells," Charlie whispered gruffly.

"I love you too, Dad," I choked out.

He gave me a pat on the shoulder and then walked out the door. I watched him get in his car and pull out onto the street. I stood there long after his car was out of sight. I let the tears silently fall down my face unhindered. I knew I was making the right decision, but that didn't change the fact that I would miss Charlie dearly. Jasper came over and stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me, letting me lean into him. He didn't say anything, he just let me work through this at my own pace.

Eventually, the tears ran out and I knew I had things that I needed to get done. That was enough to force me forward. I turned and gave Jasper a quick kiss. "Thanks for your patience."

"You're welcome." Jasper gave me his own kiss, this time lingering for an extra moment.

My mind flew back to the events of last night. I felt embarrassment at my actions. I couldn't believe I had been so forward with Jasper and tried to push myself on him. Jasper must have thought I was crazy, just jumping him like that.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing." I turned to go upstairs, but Jasper had other ideas as he turned me back around to face him.

"You are blushing and are really embarrassed right now. Is this about last night?"

If possible, my face heated up further. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Tough luck."

I huffed. "Fine, I'm ashamed of how I basically just threw myself at you and then you rejected me..."

"I was slowing things down because last night was not the right time for us to have sex for the first time, not that I didn't want to."

I softened. "I understand that and I am very grateful for your actions. It's still embarrassing."

"Isabella, there is nothing to be embarrassed about with me. You should feel comfortable talking to me about anything, including sex," Jasper emphatically replied.

He was right and I knew that. We have talked about our darkest secrets and emotions, and that had never led to any amount of ridicule. Talking about sex shouldn't be any different. I took a deep breath, forcing my heart rate to slow. "I know that it is just between the two of us and technically there is nothing to be ashamed of. It is still awkward for me, seeing as I have so little experience and you have been with plenty of women. We will talk about it more after I'm change, but you will just have to be patient with me."

"Fair enough. I can be patient and we will take things at our own pace once you are changed. To be clear though, last night you were very tempting to me. You are simply a gorgeous woman and it was excruciatingly painful doing the honorable thing last night," Jasper said huskily.

Just as my face was cooling down, he had to say something like that causing my cheeks to redden. I'm not sure how I was supposed to respond to that, so I said the only thing that came to mind. "I guess we should get packing."

"Sure," Jasper replied easily, leaning down to give me a quick kiss. "I'll call Esme to see if she can bring Carlisle's car over and help." Jasper pulled out his phone and dialed quickly. I didn't bother to wait.

I jogged up the stairs, glancing around the room that had been home for the last year and a half. I remembered how forlorn I had been when I initially had arrived. Now, I was reluctant to leave this life behind. Who would have thought?

Jasper came up as I started to stack the books I wanted to keep with me. There were already copies of some of these books at the Cullens, but I couldn't bare to part with some of my volumes.

"Esme will be here in a few minutes with some boxes," Jasper told me as he started to gather clothes from my closet.

"Is she still mad at me?" I asked, hating the idea that I had upset Esme by deciding to change early.

"She's not mad. She is just concerned that you are being too impulsive. She is a worrier. Nothing you can do about that," Jasper assured me.

We made decent headway in sorting my stuff by the time Esme had arrived. She had a pile of flattened boxes in her hand. She ordered Jasper to start assembling the boxes while she instantly started to organize the items on my bed.

I looked at Jasper, a little unsure if I should try to help. He chuckled. "We have moved so many times, Esme has moving efficiently down to an art," Jasper explained.

Esme looked up at his words.. "Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to be rude. I just love packing. It's like a puzzle, how to get everything to fit."

Her voice was light and airy, and I knew from the look on her face that Jasper was right, she wasn't mad at me. I was grateful for that. I rushed forward hugging her. "Thank you."

Esme, never one to say no to a hug, patted my back. "For what?"

"For not being angry that I want to change now."

"I wouldn't be mad at you for your decision. I may not think these are ideal circumstances for you to make this choice, but I understand why you are doing it. I know you are doing this out of love for this family, so how can I be mad about that."

Relief flooded me. She knew exactly how I felt and I didn't need to explain myself further to her. "I do love you guys so much."

"I know, honey. Now, let's get to packing. I want you to start wrapping the picture frames with newspaper. I brought some; it should be by the stack of boxes."

And just like that we set to work on packing my belongings. It was good to be put to work on something tangible and concrete. I could focus on making sure each picture had a sufficient amount of newspaper protecting it. While I did this Esme was able to organize my stuff into piles and start packing these stacks into boxes. She had long since mastered a system that never failed her, or so she said. After I was done with the frames, Jasper help me go through the room, double checking that I had everything I wanted. If I was ever unsure about anything he decided for me, always to keep it. He said better to have it and be able to throw it away later than to not have it and wish I had kept it. It seemed like sound logic to me so I went with it.

Before long we had the room packed and Jasper and Esme insisted on carrying all the boxes down to the car. All of my belongings fit easily in the trunk of the Mercedes. My entire human life was reduced to these boxes. I went back to the house and walked through it one final time by myself, saying goodbye to each room. On my way out I locked the door one last time before walking to Jasper who was waiting to take me to my new life. Esme drove off in the Mercedes while Jasper and I got into the truck to drive it to the Cullen's. I felt too nervous to drive so I silently passed the keys off to Jasper.

The drive was silent and short. There really was nothing left to say. I had made my decision and I knew what to expect during the transformation, unspeakable pain. So we staid inside our own heads. I finally let my mind fully replay the events of last night. Now, though I was glad he said no. I understood where he was coming from. Sex was still a big step for us and kind of stupid considering the whole virginity thing. Me being a vampire would make the experience better when we finally did get to that point. And we were going to get to that point. Making out with Jasper was an exhilarating pastime and I could only imagine how much better it would be. Although I was still slightly embarrassed about the whole conversation and talking about my insecurities, Jasper had made me feel safe with him, like I could say anything to him. I appreciated that.

As if to express my appreciation, I unbuckled and scooted across the seat to lean against him. I took one hand of his in mine and squeezed tightly. Jasper smiled down at me before turning back to the road. The silence was peaceful and I soaked up the contentment of that single moment. I wondered if thankfulness was an emotion. To test the theory I focused on all my feelings of gratefulness that Jasper was in my life and tried to amplify them. It was kind of ridiculous but I hoped Jasper felt how happy I felt in that moment. Even though I was headed towards horrible pain and behind me I left my old life, as long as he was with me I knew that everything would be okay.

We arrived at the house. Jasper parked the truck in the garage, to keep it out of sight. Esme had just parked Carlisle's car. Esme told me to not worry about the boxes, that they would bring them in later…while I was dying. I added that last part myself. We headed into the house and I was not surprised to find Carlisle was waiting for me in the front foyer.

"How are you doing Bella?" His voice was coated with concern.

"Good," I spoke with conviction. I couldn't show any sign of doubt.

"Are you completely sure about this?" Carlisle had to ask.

I took a deep breath and met his steady gaze. "Yes."

Carlisle didn't move for a minute. He stared me down, making sure that I was being completely honest. He seemed to not see anything but truth because he motioned for me to follow him up the stairs. Jasper took my hand in his, walking side by side with me. Behind me Esme followed. I assumed Rosalie and Emmett were still in Seattle. We all walked in grim silence. The air was thick and I was finding it a little hard to breath. I felt like we were a part of a funeral procession, and I guess in a way we were. This was the end of my life as I knew it.

Carlisle brought us to my bedroom. He gestured for me to go in the room. There was nothing different about it. "I figured you would be most comfortable in your own bed," Carlisle explained.

It was a token gesture, I would have no idea where I was when the burning started, but Carlisle probably didn't know what else to really do. This was new territory for him too.

"Thanks," I managed to say as I climbed onto my bed and lay down.

Jasper brought over a chair and sat it down right next to bed. "I will sit with you."

Desperation rose up within me. "Please don't leave my side, no matter what."

"I won't, I promise," Jasper spoke thickly. Worry was written all over his face.

I was hoping I could be strong for him if nothing else, but even I had limits. "I'm scared." Tears started to fall from my cheeks and I tried to burn into my memory every feature of Jasper's face. I wanted to hold onto his image and keep it with me during the transformation. I hoped he would help get me through this.

"Maybe, we should wait to do this," Carlisle fretted from where he was standing next to Jasper's chair.

Jasper ignored his words leaning forward and kissing me softly. "It will be over in three days."

No words of comfort about how it won't be that bad or time will pass quickly. Neither would happen. But there was an end and I had to just keep reminding myself of that. I took every bit of strength I could from Jasper and looked at Carlisle, raising my wrist. "Do it."

"Bella, this may not be…" Carlisle faltered.

"Do it, please," I sobbed, pushing my wrist up.

Carlisle hesitated.

"You promised."

Carlisle brought my wrist to his mouth and within seconds my body was consumed by flames.

The yelling stopped relatively quickly and I didn't know what to make of that. Most transformations I had witnessed were excruciating to bear not only because the pain I felt from the person but also the agony in the piercing screams. Bella grew silent but not still. Her body twitched and writhed in pain. Occasional guttural sounds escaped her lips but never anything more than that. She was obviously feeling the fiery burn but I guessed it was too much to hope that maybe for her it wasn't quite as bad as it had been for everybody else.

I didn't know anything but the scalding fire within me. Every atom in me was exploding in pain and there was nothing I could do to cool the burn. I lost all sense of time and self. There was no outside world that I was aware of. Nothing existed before or after the darkness. There was only this.

Everybody had long since distanced themselves from Bella. Emmett and Rosalie had returned but they couldn't stand the idea of seeing Bella like this. The memory of the transformation never left or faded. We all knew what kind of torture Bella was going through at that moment. It was hard for the rest of the family to watch Bella endure that kind of pain. They loved her so much but they didn't want to see her in agony. I would have been right with them if I hadn't made that promise to Bella. I told her I wouldn't leave her and I wouldn't break that promise.

I tried to think outside of the pain. I knew there was somebody I was supposed to be focused on. He or she was part of the reason I was doing this. But, it was like the memory was on the tip of the tongue, but I couldn't recall it. I couldn't devote any brain power to it because of the burning. There was nothing left of me that wasn't on fire.

I started to slowly see the physical transformations happen before my eyes. I was seeing the Bella I loved being brought into sharper focus. First, her skin began to harden and lose what little color it did have. I also noted that her lips gained a slightly rosier tint. Her hair took on a different texture. I soaked up each one of these changes in appearances as a marker of the transformation being one step closer to being over.

I had no idea that there was another level of pain. Needles were next. Needles that stabbed every inch of my skin. I missed the time of simple burning, now I had both. I tried to focus on my heartbeat as a way to not completely lose any sense of self.

Bella arched her back in pain before collapsing back on the bed. She didn't move again but I felt the pain increase. I had experimented on the people Maria would change, trying to see if my power would allow me to calm a person to help alleviate the pain. I had attempted it a couple of times without any success. At seeing Bella in so much misery, I told myself it was a worth a shot now. I couldn't do any harm. I couldn't just take the burning away. So instead, I focused on the hand that I was holding between both of mine. I breathed deeply focusing on trying soothe and heal Bella. I kept at it for a while, wondering if it was working. I felt a quick squeeze from Bella's hand. I knew it could just be a jerk or some coincidence. I chose to see it as a sign that I was helping somewhat. It was the only way I would make it through the remaining time.

I was in the middle of counting heartbeats when I felt a tingle. It wasn't much. At first I thought maybe the burning was subsiding, but it didn't feel like that. I mentally scanned my body finding the source of the tickle. It was in my hand. The burning was less in my hand. I could see this shimmery light pushing its way against the fire that was in every part of my body. It was a struggle as the light shoved as far as it could. Eventually it covered my entire hand, but the light could go no further. My hand was still burning but it was at about half the temperature as the rest of my body. It felt like a sweet relief. I focused all my thoughts on that one hand and took refuge in the the small comfort it gave me.

The end was coming. I leaned forward in anticipation as her heartbeats became more erratic. I called to the rest of the family who hurried up the stairs. Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme gathered in the room, anxious to be there for Bella's first moments as a vampire. Relief flooded the room as Bella's heart made one final, terrible lurch before stilling. We waited with anticipation for her to open her eyes.

Something was changing. The liquid fire within me was hardening. Needles stopped piercing my skin. I started to become more aware of each of my body parts, not just my magical hand. I zeroed in on my heartbeats which sped up at first and then the beats became more erratic as the venom worked on it. My body completely cooled as my heart took its final beat in my chest.

A/N: This chapter is tricky because I loved how SMeyers wrote the transformation and I thought it was perfect. Obviously I couldn't use her description though so I tried my hand at writing it a little differently. I wished I could have skipped it but I felt like that was the pansy way out, lol. Also, updates may be a little slower because from here out the chapters were written more recently so they need more work on editing. These earlier chapters were written over a year ago so I've read over them a couple times. Not so much with the last chapters. Just as a reminder there are 20 chapters total, so you are ¾ of the way done.

So many great reviews and I'm glad people were supportive of the shift in the story. Thanks so much for giving me such great feedback. All of the love of the story really motivates me to keep editing, even when it feels tedious and boring. Thanks!