Wait til you don't doubt no more

Wait til you know for sure

And you will wait too long he will be gone

-Wait by Get Set Go

Chapter Seventeen

Bella knocked Emmett down, flipping him over on his back and pinning him. I was both awed and amused by Bella's show of force. Even with her newborn strength, it was still impressive that she was able to so easily defeat Emmett after only a few days of training. I couldn't help but remember Emmett's words. He had said that Bella was meant to be a vampire. Seeing Bella in these first couple days of her new life, I had to agree. She took to being a vampire so naturally. She had minimal problems managing her emotions and so far had none of the blood lust the rest of us had felt. She was more like her human self, with just a few shifts physically.

Bella heard my laughter, leaped off of Emmett, and looked at me. "How did I do?"

"Bella Swan I could not have done it better myself," I declared loudly.

Bella couldn't contain the grin from spreading across her face. The rest of the family clapped in agreement with my assessment. Emmett looked a little disgruntled, but knowing him he would shake it off and be his cheerful self in just a few minutes.

"If you think it is so funny, you go against her," Emmett challenged me.

I shrugged off his suggestion until I saw the glint in Bella's eyes. She appraised me, and I could feel her own curiosity, whether or not she could beat me.

"I don't know," I spoke to Bella.

"What? Are you afraid?" She taunted.

No, that was not the problem. But, I didn't really want to articulate in front of my entire family that the thought of facing off with Bella frightened me. I would have to treat her as if she was an enemy. It was one thing to teach Bella basic fighting skills and see her spar with Emmett, but another to think that Bella would be fighting against very real, very dangerous newborns. I hated the idea that I could lose Bella.

Instead of saying all of that I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. "Fine."

Bella smiled deviously as she stepped forward slowly. I squared my shoulders, and felt my muscles instinctively tense. My first thought was to go easy on Bella, not showing my full strength. But I quickly realized that I wouldn't be helping. To go easy on her would be condescending and honestly dangerous. The vampires that were going to fight against Bella were not going to go easy. I didn't want to give her a false sense of security.

I stood completely still, waiting for Bella to make the first move, knowing full well she wouldn't be able to resist the idea of overwhelming me with her strength and speed. Sure enough after 30 seconds of her waiting to see if I would make a first move, she couldn't take it anymore and propelled herself forward at full speed. Unfortunately for her, this was the first move of almost every newborn. I easily side stepped around her, forcing her to halt quickly to avoid slamming into a tree.

She turned around and glared at me, her lightheartedness fading to the background. She flipped her ponytail behind her, getting the hair out of her face. Her newborn instincts were taking over and she lunged forward again, this time she tried grab my arm to throw me on my back. I took her hand before she was able to get a firm grip on my arm and twist her around, putting my arms around her. She let out a growl, the frustration rising up in her, very much like a newborn. She elbowed me in the stomach hard, expelling the air out of me. I stumbled, but quickly recovered before she could knock my legs out from under me.

Bella's ire was bubbling over and she let out a feral sound. I knew she wouldn't last much longer. As vampires, not just newborns, get more frustrated, their fighting gets sloppier. Sure enough Bella tried another head on attack, but I was able to quickly subdue her, pulling both of her arms behind her back. She tried kicking me, but was unable to do any damage to me.

I felt the rage within Bella and knew not to push her any further. "I think that's enough for now," I called out, still holding onto Bella. The rest of the family glanced at us before slowly departing into the house.

Bella was squirming in my grip and if I looked into her eyes, I knew I would see pure black. She was fully in survival mode. I had to admit that it was a relief to see this in her. It made me feel better about her ability to fight in the coming battle.

"Shhh," I murmured near her ear. "It's just me, breathe Bella."

She still struggled in my arms. I leaned forward and grazing my lips against her neck. Bella froze, which made me think I was on the right track. "Isabella?"

"Jasper," Bella replied hoarsely. The anger drained from her body and she was able to manage her own emotions better. Her body slackened in my arms so I let go. I turned her around hugged her closely to my own body.

We were quiet for a few minutes as I waited for Bella to calm down more fully. I knew I could force the mood change more quickly, but I wanted her to practice this skill on her own.

Finally, when she started to feel like herself again she stepped back away from me, crossing her arms across her chest. "What happened to me? What was that?"

I exhaled, choosing my words carefully. "That was you tapping into a primal side of your personality, the newborn part of your brain."

"That was horrible. I recognized you, but there was something else that was taking over, a different part of me."

"It probably didn't help that I am covered in scars, a sure sign of a dangerous vampire. But, to be honest, you are lucky. Most newborns are not able to switch so easily between the different parts of themselves."

"That was considered easily?" Bella asked incredulously.

I reached out putting my hands on her arms that were still crossed tightly across her chest. "Bella, you have to remember that you are doing remarkably well. Most newborns are volatile and have difficulty keeping their emotions in check. That small outburst is nothing to be worried about."

Bella nodded and gave me a small smile. "I guess. I just hate the idea of me not knowing who I am and losing control."

"I'll be there to remind you, don't worry." I wrapped my arms around Bella tightly, trying to make her feel safe. But there was lingering uncertainty that she was struggling with.

"But, what if you aren't? All of this practicing is making me realize that they are a real threat to us, our family. What if something happens to somebody in this family, all because of me? God forbid, what if you get killed? I don't know if I am going too be able to take it."

The pure emotion in Bella's voice caused my stomach to clench. I wanted to tell her that nothing would happen and we would be completely fine, but she knew as well as I did how quickly something could change. I decided to go a more honest approach; after all I did promise her that I would never lie to her.

"Yes, something bad may happen, but we can't focus on that. We can train and be as prepared as we can be for the battle. And honestly, we are all strong fighters, and these newborns are going to have a tough time with us. With the wolves in the fight as well, we should be able to catch them by surprise. I'm not going to promise that we will come out of this unscathed, but we will give it our all. That is all that can be expected."

My words seemed to have a calming effect on Bella, her worry dissipating some. I leaned down and kissed her slowly, as if we would have years ahead of us to be together. I could only hope that was true.

"There is not enough room for the holy spirit between you two!" Emmett called out, before darting back inside.

Bella jumped from my arms in response, her eyes narrowing. "That little…I could rip his…"

I had to admit I was frustrated as well. I had no idea why Emmett thought his joke was so funny, nobody else did. I glanced back at Bella and I realized that for the first time I had a partner in crime who could actually hold her own against Emmett. She was stronger than him by a long shot.

I lowered my voice, making sure that Emmett wouldn't be able to hear me from inside the house. "Bella, do you think you could grab a hold of Emmett and keep him still?"

"Yes," Bella replied without hesitation. "What did you have in mind?"

"You go in and get behind him, try not to look too suspicious. Grab him and hold him still so I can get in there. You leave the rest up to me. Trust me."

Bella smiled. "No problem."

She then walked into the house casually, joining Emmett and Rosalie in the living room. Esme and Carlisle were up in his study talking quietly so they weren't in sight. Rosalie was lounging on the couch reading a fashion magazine while Emmett stood up to grab the tv remote. I took a quick detour to the computer desk, smoothly grabbing a sharpie from the cup with writing utensils in it. Bella pulled off her part seamlessly, walking up to Emmett nonchalantly, before using her speed to have his arms locked behind his back before he could do anything about it. Emmett instantly tried to struggle against her, using his height to try to gain some leverage, but Bella's grip was strong.

I pulled the cap off the sharpie and quickly faced off with Emmett, his eyes glinting with realization. I had to be quick, so I got to work on Emmett's face. He growled and tried to kick me as I colored his nose and drew whiskers on his face to make him look like a cat. Then I carefully wrote out "dumbass" on his forehead.

"Are you really not going to help me, Rose?" Emmett asked incredulous.

Rosalie did not even look up as she flipped the page in her magazine. "You have been asking for it by teasing them and anyways, I don't see how it really affects me."

"Do you really want to be kissing a guy with writing on his face?" Emmett spat out.

Rosalie didn't hesitate before responding, "I don't have to kiss anybody, so I still don't see how it is any of my business."

I finished the 's' with a flourish before stepping back to examine my handiwork. I had to admit I was pretty pleased with myself. "Okay, you can let him go," I instructed Bella.

Bella hesitated for a second, probably wondering what would happen to her once she did release him. But, I knew there was nothing to worry about. We used to pull these kinds of pranks on each other all of the time. We never fought each other, that was never the right response. Instead we would go off, lick our wounds, and then come up with a good way to retaliate.

Bella loosened her grip and immediately Emmett broke it, storming off to the closest bathroom to see what the damage was.

"Ha, you spelled dumbass backwards," Emmett called out triumphantly.

"That's because you are looking in a mirror, dumbass," I yelled back. Rosalie snorted from her seat.

I turned to Bella who was grinning ear to ear. Her happiness was so pure and contagious in that moment. "We make a good team." I raised my hand and Bella responded by moving forward and giving me a high five.

"Yes we do," she replied softly, clasping my hand and pulling me in for a soft kiss.

"Ugh, I agreed that Emmett should give you your privacy, that doesn't mean I want to see it," Rosalie huffed, taking her magazine with her upstairs to her room.

"And the rest of the family doesn't want to hear you and Emmett go at it," I retorted to her retreating figure. Her only response was flipping me off without even turning around.

I chuckled, refocusing my attention back to Bella whose eyes were warm, even through the red. There was a peaceful energy in her, no trace of anything negative in her at that moment. I let myself focus on her emotions, feeling them wash over me as I leaned down to meet her waiting lips.

I turned the page of my book, focusing on keeping my eyes moving at a semi-human pace. One of the changes that took some getting used to was how fast I could read. My eyes could skim the page and know most of the information in mere seconds. However, that kind of defeated the purpose of actually enjoying a book, which Jasper understood. He taught me how to consciously force my eyes to read at a slower pace. It was getting easier, but I still had to work on it.

The rest of the family was like me, taking a break from the training sessions. We had been doing them almost non-stop it seemed the last couple of days. Although I had not had another incident like before when I lost control, I was still wary of doing too much fighting. I wanted to make sure I didn't lose myself. So I had taken a break and the rest of the family had kind of diverged to different activities.

Esme was in the kitchen cooking. Jacob was coming over later and she wanted to make him something fresh. The Cullens had continued keeping food in the house, for the wolves, although Seth so far had been the only one to make himself at home at the Cullens house. He came in and raided the fridge whenevver he took a break from patrols. Esme loved to fuss over him when given the chance.

Jasper and Carlisle were sitting cross legged on the floor, playing a game of chess. I thought with their vampire brains the game would be over very quickly, but they took the game really seriously and considered every move.

Emmett was watching cat videos on youtube, giggling every few minutes.

Rosalie sat next to me on the couch flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch. She paused on wedding type show. A girl with an extravagant, glittering dress walked out into a room with a bunch of mirrors while the rest of the family watched. I vaguely thought the girl looked pretty in the dress when all of a sudden she told her father how much the dress cost.

"Holy crap. Do people really spend $7,000 on a dress?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course they do. The dress is the most important part of a wedding. It can pull the whole thing together. I remember for one of mine and Emmett's weddings I bought a $20,000 dress," Rosalie spoke casually.

"Multiple wedding?"

"Oh yeah, we get married every couple of years. It's fun. I have spent so much money on gowns."

I gaped at Jasper as if to confirm this shocking fact. He just shrugged his shoulders. I couldn't help it, this horrified me. "Did it ever occur to you to put that money towards something you could use more than once, like a house or something? Or better yet, maybe you could have donated that money."

Rosalie looked at me, seeing I was serious. "Calm down. We already donate our money as often as we can without being suspicious. As for the dresses, I don't keep them. I usually donate them to a local thrift store. I like the thought of some girl who can't afford a really nice dress, lucking out and finding one of my dresses for $40."

I thought about it for a minute. "I guess that seems like a reasonable compromise."

Rosalie made a noise of agreement and then we both turned back to the show. I put my book down, admittedly getting sucked into the show. I was kind of amazed at how many different gowns there were and also the personalities of the different brides. Normally, I was not one to get sucked into reality tv, but I was kind of fascinated by the show.

I was snapped out of the world of wedding dresses when I heard faint rumbling in the distance. Everybody froze for a minute before resuming their activities.

"It's Jacob," Rosalie told me. "I recognize the engine sounds."

My stomach clenched nervously as I thought of seeing my friend. This would be the first time he has seen me since the change. A day before I had come out of my transformation, Jacob had took over for Paul, who had been keeping an eye on the newborns in Seattle. Jacob had only now made it home after he had been switched out with Jared. He had called when he got back to his house and when he found out I was fully transformed, he said he would be over in a few hours to see me. After I had hung up I had asked Jasper if that was safe. Would I crave Jacob's blood? Jasper assumed I would find the smell of Jacob unappealing, like the rest of the family. However, there were precautions that could be taken.

I stood up and walked to the entryway. The rest of the family joined me, although Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle put a hand on me, gentle but firm. The first sign that I was going to lose control, they would stop me from doing anything to Jacob, which was slightly reassuring. I was still nervous. What if Jacob did not accept or like the new me?

I felt detached from my old life. That was sometimes a good thing, because I could separate myself from the pain and heartbreak of my human life. I also knew that my mom and Phil were happy and would build a new life for themselves. I was worried about Charlie though. I had called to reassure him that I was fine. Luckily he didn't notice or question the change in my voice. He accepted the college stories I fabricated easily. He seemed pleased with how happy I sounded, but I couldn't help but feel like he might be lonely without me.

Jacob didn't bother knocking, stepping into the house without hesitation. I froze and everybody around me tensed, ready to protect Jacob if something went wrong. I stopped breathing which Jasper noticed first.

"Take a deep breath Bella. It's the only way we know for sure if you are going to be drawn to his blood or not," Jasper advised.

I nodded, bracing myself. I inhaled fully, taking in all the smells from the room. The prominent smell though was not alluring. The best way I could describe it was wet dog. I knew that must be Jacob. Now I could see why all of the Cullens cringed at the odor of the wolves. I wrinkled my nose in distaste.

"No offense Jacob, but you smell awful."

Everybody around me relaxed, realizing I was not going to be attacking Jacob.

Jacob grinned and ran forward to hug me tightly, for a human. "You don't smell like a bunch or roses yourself, Bells."

Just like that I knew I had my best friend still, even if we were now technically sworn enemies. Jacob stepped out of our embrace and fully examined me from head to toes. He whistled under his breath. "Well, if you weren't beautiful before you are just stunning now."

"Don't let Elise hear you talking like that," I teased, still not used to being considered beautiful.

"Just because I'm with her, does not mean I can't appreciate how lovely you look," Jacob replied lightly.

I looked around me and noticed that my family was looking at us, grinning happily. Jacob had that effect, even on the Cullens. He had such a lighthearted nature, it was hard not to be happy around him.

"Are you hungry, Jacob?" Esme asked. "I just cooked up a casserole."

Jacob's face lit up. "That sounds great. I've missed your cooking while I've been in Seattle."

Esme beamed. "Come on in the kitchen and I'll fix you up a plate."

Jacob and I sat down in the kitchen, as Esme quickly served up a generous portion of food for Jacob. I knew logically that the food looked appetizing, and I remembered how much I had loved Esme's cooking. But the food no longer appealed to me in any way. But, that didn't stop Jacob from just diving into the food, letting out appreciative sounds that pleased Esme.

Jasper joined us at the table and soon the rest of the family gravitated into the kitchen as well.

"So, do you have any news from Seattle?" Jasper queried.

That seemed to be what the rest of the family was interested in as well.

Jacob chewed and swallowed before answering. "She is up to about 14 or 15 vampires. I figure she probably isn't going to wait much longer. She seems to be training them as best as she can, but because of the numbers, the group is becoming unwieldy. She losing control over all of them. If she adds anymore, the group is going to become too chaotic."

Jasper nodded in agreement. "She probably figures that she has about two or three vampires for each one of us. She probably assumes that is good odds for her."

"But she doesn't know about us," Jacob mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Exactly," Carlisle agreed. "We will have the element of surprise. We just need to figure out how we are going to meet their forces."

"Do you think we could lead them to that clearing that we trained in yesterday?" Emmett asked.

"But, how?" Rosalie wondered out loud.

Everybody looked at Jasper, as he was our resident newborn expert. Jasper sat quietly for a minute. "They are coming to fight us, so really all we need to do is create some paths with our scent to lead them to that clearing. They will follow the scent once they find it."

"Seems simple enough," Emmett commented.

"That part will be easy. We will need the wolves to come in from the opposite direction we are leading the newborns in by. If the newborns smell the wolves, well they might be curious or they might go off in the opposite direction."

"No problem, just tell us where we need to be and we will be there," Jacob spoke around a mouthful of food.

"We should meet up before the vampires leave Seattle. I want to give the wolves a few pointers on how to fight newborns, they are different than just regular vampires. I think it will be good for us to get a lay of the land so to speak."

"I'll relay the message to Sam."

"Thanks, Jake," Jasper replied.

The room fell into silence, well except for the sounds of Jacob shoveling food into his mouth. I wrinkled my nose in distaste at Jake's show of appreciating Esme's cooking. Esme didn't seem to mind though. She was happy to have another "child" to dote on. The rest of the family though casually departed from the room, not really finding it fascinating to watch Jacob eat.

Jasper glanced at me from across the table, silently asking me if he wanted me to stay or go. I gave him a reassuring smile, so he got up to go back to his chess game with Carlisle.

"Jake, do you want to go for a walk?" I asked as he finished his food.

"Sure."

Jacob took his dishes to the sink, rinsing them off before joining me outside the back of the Cullen's house. I tried to mentally correct myself every time I thought this, knowing now it was my home. It was a hard habit to break though.

We walked in silence for a few minutes, until we were a safe distance from the house. Even vampire hearing couldn't pick up on our conversation.

"So, how are you doing Bells?" Jacob asked, studying me out of the corner of his eyes.

I thought about his question, knowing it would be one of the first ones he asked. I thought about everything that happened and all of the emotions that ran through my body, before giving him a completely honest answer. "I'm happier than I have ever remembered being."

Jacob smiled at my response. "You look it. It's a relief seeing you so much like yourself. I knew it was your choice to become a vampire, and I knew you wouldn't be some sort of monster. Still, there was this part of me that was nervous. I didn't want you to lose yourself."

I remembered vaguely that those had been my concern as well. "I think the rest of the family has been surprised by how smooth my transition has gone. I've had very few control issues and my moods have been very level for a newborn."

"And how are you and Jasper doing, now that you have changed?" Jacob asked slyly.

I laughed, "Who knew that Jacob Black was a gossip."

"I am not a gossip," Jacob bristled. "I just happen to be curious about how my best friend and her…wait what is he? Your boyfriend? Your mate? Your gentleman caller?"

"Yes Jacob, Jasper is my gentleman caller," I answered sarcastically.

"Well, I want to know how my friend and her gentleman caller are doing," Jacob spoke with a straight face.

Joking aside, I thought about what he was really asking. Did I still feel the same way that I had before now that I was changed? "It's weird, but all of the past stuff with Edward has faded with a lot of my human memories. I know logically I was hurt by him, but the pain is gone. I have all this room in me to finally love Jasper, the way he deserves. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I think I know what you are talking about."

"I feel bad though, because while I get to move past my pain, Jasper will always remember Alice vividly. His memories won't fade and neither will his pain. It makes me unsure of us. I want to move forward, but I don't know if he does."

"What do you mean by move forward?"

I knew if I was capable of blushing I would be doing so right now. "I just…well I want my new life to begin and I know that means being with Jasper, in every way possible."

"Do you mean you haven't…" Jacob trailed off.

"No," I groaned, embarrassed. "That at least I do know Jasper wants to do, but Emmett keeps jumping in, teasing us about how we need to be married before we do that."

Jacob laughed at the thought.

"It's not funny, it is a fucking horrible joke."

"No," Jacob chuckled. "It's just such a simple solution. Why don't you get married?"

I sputtered, in a very un-vampire like fashion. My brain froze for a second, and then started to work in over drive thinking about what he had just said.

"We couldn't. I mean we have only been dating a week or two technically."

"Well, you spend all your time together and these last couple months have to count for something. Plus, you don't sleep anymore so really that dating time is at least double what a normal human couple would have. All that matters is that you both want to spend the rest of your lives with each other. If the feelings are there, they are there."

"I don't know if he feels that way" I argued.

"Ha, but you do feel that way about him," Jacob called out triumphantly.

I paused, analyzing my own feelings. Yes, I did love Jasper and I didn't foresee that changing anytime soon. "But we are young."

"Well, technically he is old and you aren't going to age any further, so why the hell not?"

"What if we don't belong together?"

"Then you will get a divorce."

"I don't want to get a divorce."

"I didn't say you would, I am just saying that is the worst that can happen. Anyways can vampires get legally married? I mean if you can't then really you wouldn't have to get legally divorced so it is probably a moot point anyways."

"Ugh, you have me all confused," I complained.

Jacob stopped walking and pulled me to a stop with him. His face was soft, but serious. "Bella, you can come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn't push to move forward with Jasper. Even though the memory of Edward has faded, I bet money on the fact that you are still afraid to let Jasper get close to you in case he runs away. But, you can't live life in fear. You will only regret the time you wasted. If Jasper dies fighting the newborn army, will you have any regrets?"

The question hung heavy in the air. There was no denying the answer to that. "Yes."

Jacob held my gaze steady. "I love you too much to see what happened to you before happen again. Japser's grief is different than yours. He doesn't have any regrets, besides maybe going to Italy. He loved Alice unconditionally and told her how much he cared. She died knowing she was loved. Edward died not knowing you still cared and you didn't know how much he loved you. I don't want that for you."

"But, what if he doesn't have that strong of feelings for me?" I whispered.

Jacob smiled. "Even if I could believe that was ever possible, it doesn't change the fact that he deserves to know and so do you. You have a chance to start a new life and I don't want it to begin with a mistake."

I didn't want that either.

A/N: Not sure what to say about this chapter. I normally have a long rambling note, but all I can say is I liked it and I hope you do too.

Thanks so much for the kind feedback. You guys are the best readers ever! Please let me know what you think of this chapter.