Well I take your hand inside my hand
And hold it tight tonight
We made mistakes and we've known troubles
But we'll leave them all behind

-I Take Your Hand by Mumford & Sons

Chapter Eighteen

I had to admit Bella was making me nervous. After she had come back from her walk with Jacob she had been unusually quiet. Jacob left without saying a word to me about it. I asked Bella if Jacob had said something to upset her, but she dismissed my concerns saying nothing was wrong. I tried to dissect her emotions, but they were all jumbled up and snarled. I couldn't discern any pattern and the best way I could describe them was as a bundle of nerves.

Bella dithered around the house for about an hour, doing various nonsensical tasks before I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs and relax for a while. I thought maybe she was just overstimulated again and could use some time to relax and be by herself. She surprised me though when she asked me if I would join her. The point was for her to be alone, but I couldn't argue.

I closed the door to her bedroom and went over to her bed to lounge on it. I expected Bella to join me, but instead she nervously paced the room, glancing at me every few seconds.

"What is the matter?" I asked, confused.

She glanced at me and shook her head. "Nothing is wrong."

"You are worrying me with all of this nervous energy you have pent up," I accused.

Bella looked at me seriously as she leaned down in front of where I was sitting on her bed. There was a desperation in her eyes that I hadn't seen for many months, it made my stomach clench.

She took some steadying breaths before speaking. "I love you so much and sometimes that worries me. You are always on my mind; it's like there is a part of my brain that has the Jasper track constantly on loop. I think about how nice your body feels pressed against mine. I dissect every word you say, looking for the hints of your southern accent that will slip through occasionally. I wonder what you are feeling and how much you are hiding from me."

"I don't hide anything from you," I quickly spat out.

"You do though," Bella affirmed. "And it's okay, I understand. I am doing better than could ever have been expected. Not only have I taken naturally to being a vampire, but my sadness and grief faded away with some of my human memories. You don't want to remind me of what I have so easily left behind."

She paused for a second, obviously given me the chance to argue with her if I wanted, but I knew I couldn't. She was right.

"I have been lucky, I have been given a second chance at life, well so to speak. But, I know it isn't that simple for you. I imagine that the day you found out about Alice's death is still fresh in your mind, no way of escaping that grief. You will never be able to ignore it or forget it."

"You're right," I agreed reluctantly. "But, I can try to move forward and find happiness where I can. I am happy with you. You are like a cool breeze on a hot summer day. Your happiness is contagious and just by being around you I feel better than I have since Alice's death."

Bella's lightened considerably when I said that. "Good, I'm glad. But, that doesn't mean we can't talk about what happened or about Alice and Edward."

"You are doing so well though, you get to forget and I don't want to take that away."

"You aren't. I don't want to forget. I am happy that the intensity of the grief has greatly diminished, but to let it all go? I don't want that. Would you want to just forget Alice?"

"Of course not," I said without hesitation.

"I don't want to forget Edward and more importantly I don't want to forget about Alice. We can still talk about them and still move forward at the same time. I want that."

"Then who am I to deny you what you want."

"There's more," her voice nervous again. "I love you and I know that we said we were going to take things slow because we didn't know how much of our love was romantic. I'm not unsure any longer. I love you and I know I want to be with you for the rest of my life…" Bella laughed, "or forever I guess. I don't want to regret not saying any of this to you, and Jacob pointed out that if I didn't say anything and something bad were to happen, I would always regret it. I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to live without fear or regrets. That's why I want to marry you."

Whoa, that was quite the leap. "You want to marry me?" I gasped out.

Bella looked even more anxious. "I love you and only you. I know that now and I don't want to regret anything, so why the hell not?" Bella paused and then studied me for a second. "Unless of course you don't want to in which case I will leave you alone and never bring this up again. It's just, I know that you are still working through things. I get that, and I want to be there for you for all of that, in every way possible. There is always that possibility that we may have only this little bit of time left, and if that turns out to be true, I don't want to look back wishing I hadn't wasted it."

My thoughts were racing, even for a vampire, but I kept my eyes on Bella. I wondered if this was some misplaced fatalism, but her emotions didn't seem to send that message to me. She was now calmer, having gotten that all out and seemed at peace with her decision.

That left me, what did I want? I thought about Bella's words. She was right, we were supposed to go slow and while her memories had faded, mine had not. I still remembered Alice so clearly and the pain of finding out that she had died. That would never disappear.

Billy Black popped into my head, of all people, and I remembered his advice. Maybe Bella and I were going about all of this in a backwards fashion, but maybe that was what was right for us. Who got the right to dictate how we found peace after that tragedy.

Bella. Her standing in front of me and her grief free psyche did give me peace. She calmed me and centered me when nobody else could. Every thought of my future had her in it. There was only one answer to her question.

"Even though I wish I had been the one to ask the question, I would love to marry you Bella."

The grin that spread across her face and the pure happiness that emanated from her was enough to vanquish any lingering doubts in my head. Alice would want us both to be this happy and I was going to cherish every moment with Bella.

Our happiness was broken though by the noise downstairs.

"That's lovely, isn't it Carlisle?" Esme exclaimed.

"Yeeehawww," Emmett yelled.

"Oh, I can't wait to go dress shopping," Rosalie shrieked, clapping her hands excitedly.

Bella and I looked at each other smiling. As much as both of us would have liked to celebrate in a small private bubble that only had room for the two of us, we knew our family was waiting downstairs to celebrate with us. And, really there were worse things in the world than having people there who wanted to be with Bella and I as we took this next step together. So we went downstairs to join the rest of the family.

And it started out fine with each member congratulating us. That was until wedding details were discussed at a rapid pace between Esme and Rosalie. They talked about flowers, colors, dress, and music in a way that seemed like a foreign language to me. I noted Bella's panicked expression and quickly dived in.

"I don't think we want to do any big party or anything. Personally, I would rather just do a small ceremony tomorrow and get it over with."

Bella quickly agreed. "That's what I want too. Do you think you could officiate?" She asked, turning to Carlisle.

Carlisle seemed a little taken aback by the question, but quickly his features softened. "Of course, I would be honored."

"But…" Esme tried to cut in.

This time Bella asserted herself. "All I care about is my family being there to witness the whole thing. I don't want to wait any longer for us to move forward. I just want to be happy."

I knew if Esme could, she would have started to cry. "Of course, dear. You are right. It should just be us family." She frowned for a second though at her words.

Carlisle must have picked up on this and figured out why. He hesitantly asked, "What about your father?"

Bella's emotions jolted at the thought of Charlie. "Oh, I wish he could be here, but my control…"

"Is better than any newborns I have ever seen before," I finished for her. "You might be able to handle it"

"You could test yourself. You and Jasper could go over there tonight, under the auspices of visiting, and if you can handle it, maybe you invite him over tomorrow," Carlisle suggested.

Bella hesitated for a minute, her emotions stormy, torn between seeing her dad but also keeping him safe. "Do you think you could handle me if I were to get out of control?" She asked me seriously.

She was asking me to not only hold her dad's life in my hands, but also hers, for if anything happened to Charlie she would never be able to forgive herself. "I promise I will keep him and you safe."

Rosalie swiped the mascara brush across my eyelashes once more before capping it. "There, now onto eye shadow," she announced. For being a vampire, she was taking her sweet time with my make up, being very deliberate with each stroke across my face. It gave me time to think of what I was about to do.

Through the open window I could hear the lulling sound of chatter in the backyard. Not only were the Cullens all in attendance but so were most of the wolves. Esme invited them, and I thought it was a nice thought. After all, if they were willing to die for my safety then I couldn't argue that they were family. I was a little nervous at first at how the two groups were going to mingle, but so far all the sounds I had heard were friendly.

Also, somewhere downstairs was Charlie. I remembered last night how nervous I had been that I would kill him once I got near him. Not to mention he had to have questions about my new appearance, questions that I couldn't answer.

"Am I doing the right thing?" I asked Jasper in the car, waiting until I felt comfortable going in.

"I don't know," Jasper told me. I knew I should be frustrated that he just didn't reassure me, but really I was relieved that he was so honest with me.

"But, I think it will be good for both of you. We will see how your control holds up and you will get to share a tiny bit of your new life with him. He will get to see you happy and taken cared of. Eventually we are going to have to come up with a story or you two are going to have to drift apart. If he knows that you are happy, I think it will make that separation easier."

"So, I am not being completely selfish, this could be good for him too?"

"Yes, this could be beneficial to him too. So, it's really up to you if you want to do this or not."

The car elapsed into silence as I considered every angle and tried to weighs the pros and cons. My brain became too muddled and instead I relied on pure instinct to make the decision for me; I would see him.

Although initially Charlie was surprised by my appearance, he said nothing too specific about it. The contacts in my eyes bothered me, but I knew it was all for the sake of appearances. He just told me that college life suited me and that I looked happy. Even more important was that as I took the first hesitant breaths of air as he hugged me, I didn't feel any blood lust slip over me. I felt the thirst, of course, there was no getting around it. But, I didn't feel controlled by it, quite the opposite.

Jasper sensed this and smiled brightly at me, obviously proud of my self-control.

As the conversation turned to why we were in town, it became a little awkward. Jasper and I took turns explaining our situation and how we were going to get married the next day. I honestly thought that Charlie would have been at the very least uncomfortable, but maybe even as far as mad at me for doing something so impulsive when I was young. He knew first hand how getting married young could end. Contrary to my expectations though, he was thrilled. He stood up to give Jasper a firm handshake and gave me another tight hug. I must have looked shocked, because he laughed at me.

"Bella, you have had such a horrible year and have come out the other side happy, how can I be upset with that. I trust you and if this will bring you happiness, I'm not going to stand in my way."

I knew from my dad that was as heartfelt of a speech as I was ever going to get and it touched my heart to hear those words.

"What are you thinking about?" Rosalie questioned softly as she applied the tiniest bit of blush to my cheeks.

"I'm just marveling at how lucky I am to have so many people be supportive of me and Jasper. I mean, we are technically rushing into this yet nobody has said anything to make me doubt myself."

Rosalie sighed, and I wondered if I had said the wrong thing. "I'm sorry."

That was the last thing I expected her to say. "For what?"

Rosalie put down the make up so there was nothing between us. "You shouldn't have to feel lucky because people are accepting how you choose to live your life. I think back to how Edward made that decision for both of you and how I supported him; I just feel sick."

"Oh Rosalie," I murmured, unhappy with her sadness.

"No, Jasper says I'm not guilty, and I know in the end it was Edward's decision and in turn Alice's to go to Italy. But, I will admit, I was wrong in thinking I knew what was best in your life. I should have never been that way, and no one in my family should have listened to Edward when he insisted that we leave. That was unfair to you and I hope you can forgive me for the part I played in this whole mess."

On the tip of my tongue were words insisting she had no blame in the whole ordeal. But, I was not sure that would have helped. We all carried some guilt over the events that transpired, and maybe that was how it was supposed to be. It was too much to expect us all to just distance ourselves from Alice and Edwards choice. It was too easy to see how we did play a part in what had happened, no matter how small. But, we could help ease the guilt from each other as best we could.

"I forgive you Rosalie. As long as you forgive me for jumping off that cliff and setting this all into motion."

Rosalie smiled sweetly, looking so human in that moment. "I forgive you too."

I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pulling her close to me. Rosalie responded by hugging me back tightly.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door. Esme slowly eased the door open and gasped when she saw me. I looked down shyly, wondering if she thought the dress was too simple. Rosalie had to pick the dress out for me as I was not comfortable going shopping around too many humans. Luckily it was summer so there were plenty of simple dresses to pick from, at least that was what Rosalie had told me. She knew me well; she picked out a simple white eyelet lace dress with a navy sash around the waste. I glanced in the mirror to see that even though Rosalie spent forever doing my makeup, it looked simple and understated. My hair was tied in a side ponytail, right behind my ear, where Rosalie had placed a couple of white flowers. My feet were bare.

"You look stunning," Esme exclaimed in a hushed whisper, as if speaking louder would break the mood.

"Thank you."

Esme shook her head. "I just can't believe this is happening so quickly. I just came up here to tell you everybody downstairs is ready."

I took a deep breath, trying to still my shaky nerves. No matter how much I said I wanted this to be casual and that really it wasn't that big of deal; for me it really was. This was me committing to Jasper. But, I didn't feel any doubt, just excitement. I wanted to be with him more than anything else in that very moment.

Esme and Rosalie took me by the arms and led me down the stairs and out the back doors that led to the backyard which had been quickly transformed. There were white lights hanging from all of the trees, illuminating the yard in addition to the dusky light from the sunset. There were a handful of tables set up with mounds of food that I had helped Esme prepare. The guests all stood around in casual attire. I saw most of the members of the pack, all of them smiling at me as I moved across the grass by myself. I paused where Charlie was standing next to Billy Black's chair. I gave Charlie a quick hug, noticing the sheen of tears in his eyes. I continued forward and was stopped by Jacob's strong arms. He hugged me tightly, whispering in my ear that he loved me. I returned his smile and focused my vision to where Jasper and Carlisle were standing.

Jasper wore simple khaki pants and a navy button up shirt; we were matching. His curls fell into his eyes, and as I reached him finally, I raised my hand up to brush them out of his face. His smile brightened as he took my hands in his. He looked like he was glowing, emanating joy. I felt my emotions mingle with his as he let his power connect us together.

"We are all here to witness Jasper and Bella's expressing their love to each other. This last year these two have endured unimaginable loss and come out the other end. While many others would have given up, these two found strength in each other and found the will to move forward with their life. But, even more incredible is the love they found in each other. While some may say that they have moved too quickly or that it is inappropriate, I can't help but personally admire them. Their love is something not of fairytales and fantasy, but of real life. They know and respect each other, and have found ways to grow while still being true to each other."

"I'd like to read a brief verse that I believe sums up their relationship. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not envious, boastful, proud, or rude. Love is not selfish, not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not rejoice in wrong, but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, always believes, always hopes, always endures. Love never fails."

"Now Bella and Jasper would like to recite their vows to each other."

Rather than write something, both Jasper and I went online to find vows that fit us. We didn't want the standard vows, because there was nothing traditional about our relationship. But we also didn't want to write anything, figuring we have already expressed our love to each other the best we could. So we went to a website and found something we liked.

I took the larger silver ring from Carlisle's outstretched hand and slid it on Jasper's long ring finger. "I love you. You are my best friend. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in the highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

Jasper's tone was low, but rough with emotion as he slid my wedding band on my finger. "I love you. You are my best friend. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in the highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

"Then in front of God and all of these witnesses I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Jasper leaned down, bending me backwards, kissing me passionately. When we pulled apart, even though I didn't need the air, I felt breathless and lightheaded. I grinned as Jasper pulled me back up and we turned to face our friends and family who were cheering, or in Jacob's case catcalling.

And just like that the wedding turned into a party. Numerous people came up to be the first to offer their congratulations. A couple hungry wolves descended on the food. Emmett went over to the stereo to turn on the music. Jasper and I mingled for a while, our hands never leaving the other's. I was surprised at how friendly some of the pack members were. Paul was even there and he gave us his well wishes before going off to continue a heated debate he and Rosalie were having about cars.

Unexpectedly Jasper coaxed me into a couple of dances with him, and even more unsurprising was my willingness to comply. Even though I was now more graceful as a vampire, apparently that didn't extend to dancing. I stumbled a couple of times, but Jasper just laughed and held me tighter. I smiled into his neck after he twirled me, letting the beautiful chords of the music Emmett had picked out surround me. I felt complete in that moment.

Charlie was the final guest to leave and I was pleased to note how contented Charlie felt. He was truly at peace with mine and Bella's decision, which I knew made Bella happy. Bella gave him another hug and I couldn't help but be proud at her ability to be so close to her father without slipping. She truly was remarkable in every way.

I stepped back into the kitchen to give them a moment of privacy to say their goodbyes. I glanced around the kitchen to see the rest of the family finishing up the cleaning.

"Is there anything I can help with?" I asked.

"Nope," Esme replied. "It's all almost done anyways. Then we will give you guys your wedding present."

"You didn't have to get us anything," Bella said as she walked in. I heard Charlie's car start up and start down the driveway.

"We didn't spend more than a dollar on it," Carlisle chimed in as he presented us with a slightly over-sized envelope.

Bella took it, her eyes skeptical. She turned to see that the whole family had gathered around us to see us open the present. I motioned for her to go ahead. She examined the envelope for a second before carefully tearing the side open. She shook it sideways and out dropped a postcard into her hand. We both stared down at a picture of Mt. Rainier. We then looked back up at Carlisle, both confused.

"We are giving you the next 24 hours alone in the house. We are all going to the mountains to do some hunting tonight and tomorrow. We will back tomorrow night. I'm sorry we couldn't do more for your, but we do need to be here in case Victoria heads this way."

"No, this is great," I cut in. "Thank you, all of you."

"Yes, thank you," Bella agreed.

"We are all finished here. We all just need to change into some more appropriate attire in case we are spotted and we will be out of your way," Esme said.

Each of them ran up stairs to do as she said and I turned to look at Bella, who was avoiding my eyes. She knew what them leaving meant. We no longer had any reason to not take our relationship to that final level. She was now a vampire. We were married, no moral qualms in any way shape or form. And the family would be gone, meaning we could have that much desired privacy. I didn't feel dread from her, which relieved me. I really wanted to do this with her, but if she wasn't ready I would wait. She seemed ready, just nervous. I was about to ask her when the family started back down the stairs.

"We'll have our cells on at all times so call us if there is any news," Carlisle instructed before clasping first me then Bella in a hug. "I'm so happy for both of you. I love you both."

Rosalie and Esme also gave us hugs, congratulating us. Emmett gave Bella his patented bear hug, twirling her around. He gave me a hug and patted my back roughly. "Don't enjoy yourself too much tonight."

"Emmett," Rosalie warned him.

Emmett just grinned. "And please be dressed well before we arrive back, I really don't want to see any of it."

They all just rolled their eyes as they headed out the front door, Emmett taking up the rear. He paused halfway out the door and turned back to us. "Oh and be careful with the dining room table, it isn't as sturdy as it looks. Rosalie and I have had to replace it twice."

"Emmett!" Rosalie and Esme yelled at the same time.

Emmett just laughed as he closed the door behind him. We stood still, waiting for the sound of Emmett's jeep to finally fade away. When it did I turned my attention back to Bella.

"Bella? You know we don't have to do anything you don't want to. For all I care we can play Scrabble for the next 24 hours," I reassured her, rubbing my hands up and down her arms.

It took her a second, before she finally raised her gaze to meet mine. I was blown away by the intensity of her stare. I felt her love wash over me and I knew she was focusing on that one feeling. She smiled softly before reaching up to trace my jaw.

"Jasper Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, I want to have sex with you tonight, our wedding night."

I beamed as I leaned forward to capture her lips in a slow, unhurried kiss. Because, even though we only had 24 hours, in that moment it felt like we had all the time in the world. As the kiss slowly picked up in speed and intensity, I leaned forward to scoop Bella up in my arms to carry her up to her, now our bedroom. I deposited her on the bed and took a moment to study her. She always looked beautiful, but the loving smile and the way she was confidently staring back at me made me feel warm all over. I lowered the control over my power as I descended upon her, letting her feel everything I was feeling in that moment. Happiness, love, lust, passion, and peace. I felt whole again.

A/N: Alas no smutty goodness for you guys. I have no qualms about sex in stories but I just don't like writing it. I've written a halfway smutty story for Community and while kind of fun also really stressed me out. I'd rather not go there and also keep this friendly for all readers. I hope it's not too disappointing. Also, classes have started back up so I am going to try to get the final two chapters out soon before I get too bogged down with homework. It may take a while though because the next chapter specifically needs A LOT of work. We shall see.

Thanks so much for the kind reviews. People have been writing such lovely words about this story and I really appreciate it. Let me know what you thought of this chapter, the good and the bad.