Ok, this is the end of the "baby arc" as I call it. I hope you enjoy! And thank you all so so so so much for reviewing. It means so much! Shout out to 123nenagirl cause she's awesome. And you should all read her fic "The List" I love it.
Ps I posted this once, then read through it and found some typos. Sorry! Now it's all better and back up for you guys!
June 2007
Ten hours.
Ten hours she had been experiencing the most painful thing she had ever gone through.
Labor.
Everything was fine earlier in the day, she'd been walking around, making sure things were set for the baby, packing her hospital bag. Then suddenly she was hit with a contraction so strong she almost fell over.
Fast forward ten hours later, there she was clenching her teeth so tight she thought they were all going to crack. But then, as fast as it came on, it started to subside, just like all the ones that came before it.
Fifteen hours.
She can't believe that she opted not to take the epidural, because that'd be awfully nice right about now. But she had no choice, she had to muscle through it. She found herself thinking about Damon. Would he have actually stuck around? Would he be here holding her hand, whispering soothing words to get her through every wave of pain?
A lone tear slipped down her cheek. Not because of the pain, but because she knew he would've been. He would've been there the entire time. He would've helped her through every heartache and every milestone of her pregnancy. He would've gone shopping for baby furniture, he would've painted the nursery, he would've assembled the baby crib, he would've done it all.
She missed him. She missed him every single day since she left and it only intensified with every month, every week, every day even. The what-if's haunted her in her dreams and in her waking hours.
She had even tried to go back, to screw it all and be with him. To grovel until he took her back, to tell him about the baby, to tell him she loved him and would never leave him. She knew she couldn't risk it.
"I think it's time to push," the nurse strolled in with a small army behind her.
Her doctor came into the room and briefed her on pushing procedure when the heart monitor started going crazy. And then the whole room was in motion, nurses were yelling things to one another, running in and out of the room, her body was being adjusted in the "pushing position" she learned in her birth classes.
There was so much panic in the room, yet no one bothered to tell her what was happening. Her heart started racing when she realized that something could be wrong with the baby, but she didn't have much time to think about that before she was pushing.
Her knuckles were white as she gripped the sides of the bed, sweat was pouring down her face, and tears were slipping off her cheeks. She couldn't help but imagine Damon here, holding her hand and letting her squeeze it through her pain.
A few pushes later, she caught a glimpse of her baby girl before she was rushed away. Elena caught the arm of a nearby nurse before she could walk out.
"Where are they taking my baby?" She asked in a scared, quiet voice.
"It looks like she was tangled in the umbilical cord for quite a while before the monitors alerted us that something was wrong," She said in an uncomfortable voice.
"What's going to happen to her?" Elena asked.
"I don't know, I'll let the doctor come and fill you in as soon as they know," the nurse said quickly before she left.
And then she was alone again. She unconsciously ran a hand over her now-empty stomach and sent a silent prayer for her baby.
She wasn't sure how long she waited, hours, minutes, they all blurred together. She tried countless times to call a nurse in to find out the status of her baby, but no one knew a thing.
A tentative knock at the door sounded before her doctor entered the room. His face was somber. Elena's heart sank.
"What happened to my baby?" Elena asked in a shaky voice.
"We lost her," he said sadly. He went on to explain what exactly led them to this moment, but she wasn't listening.
Her baby was gone. The only connection to Damon she had in this world was gone. Her baby was gone.
She nodded as the doctor slipped from the room, saying that he'd call her emergency contact- which was listed as Bonnie- to be with her.
She sat in stunned silence, too shocked to feel anything, to do anything, almost too shocked to breathe.
A short while later Bonnie quietly slipped into her room, knowing exactly how Elena handled things. Knowing that she wouldn't want to talk, not now and maybe not ever, but that she would need a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on.
Bonnie crossed the room slowly and sat next to Elena on the edge of her bed before taking Elena into her arms.
The second she felt Bonnie's arms around her, it all hit her. This was real. This was really happening. Her baby was gone. Her baby that she grew to love after so many months spent scared of the unknown was gone. She couldn't help but think that maybe she was being punished for not loving this baby right away, for being so afraid and so scared to do this alone, maybe it was because she left Damon and took her child away from her father.
Wretched sobs shook her whole frame. Pain that she had never felt in her life shot through her, more pain than she had experienced the past sixteen hours. She felt as if her heart was imploding in on itself. She felt devastated, hurt, angry, and most crippling of all, she felt guilty. As if some how if she had done something different that her baby would be ok. She would be screaming and crying and very much alive.
A few days later, with a prescription of anti-anxiety pills in hand, she was deposited at her home. Alone. She couldn't help but think that his wasn't the way it was supposed to be.
She tried to go through her normal routine, but she found it difficult being in so much pain. She decided to go about her normal bedtime routine, but made a small detour on the way.
She didn't know if it was out of guilt, or she just wanted to punish herself even further, but she slowly opened the door to the now-abandoned nursery. It was just the way she left it, only now, she placed the small pink frame that held the only picture of her baby girl, her time of birth, and her name. Clara.
Elena stood in the middle of the room, allowing herself to think of what she'd be doing if she brought her baby home with her. If she hadn't left Damon. She knew she couldn't afford to think like that, but her mind couldn't stop it.
Before she knew it, she felt the steel bands enclose across her chest making it harder and harder to breathe. She could feel her hands starting to shake and her heart start to pound. She knew the onset of an anxiety attack very well now that she had experienced so many in the hospital.
So she finally convinced herself to step out of the room, take her new medication, and let sleep wash away all her pain for a few hours.
Present Day
"I don't know what to say," Damon's voice came out strangled.
"There's nothing to say, that was a long time ago and she's still gone. Nothing I can do to bring her back," Elena said.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Damon asked.
"I was scared," she said pathetically.
"And you never thought I'd like to know I had a daughter?" He said, his voice getting louder and stronger.
"No, you don't get to put this on me. You can blame me for leaving, for never telling you about the pregnancy, but you do not get to be upset about losing her. I didn't even get to hold her. I was alone the whole time. That moment has haunted me for the past five years. I will take the blame from you for all of it, but not for this. Only I can blame myself for this," She said passionately, the tears that were burning her eyes were now streaming down her cheeks.
They stood in silence for a few heavy moments before either one of them broke it.
"Take me to her," Damon broke the silence with a request she never thought she'd hear in her life.
A ghost of a smile crossed her lips before she nodded.
"Ok," she said breathlessly.
Not twenty minutes later they stood silently in front of a small headstone.
She tried to figure out what he was thinking, but he stood perfectly still, his eyes never leaving the tiny burial plot.
"I wouldn't have abandoned you," Damon said quietly, breaking the still silence around them.
"What?" She said, caught off guard.
"If you didn't leave, I wouldn't have left you because you were pregnant," He explained in a soft voice.
She turned to look at him and his eyes were glistening. Something she had only seen once before.
"I know," she responded. It was the truth. She always knew he'd stick around and be responsible. She knew he'd make a great father, even if it wasn't in his plans for them.
"Then why did you leave?" He asked. As much as she wanted to push him away and leave him in the dark about the biggest mistake of her life, she realized that she was being handed a second chance. A chance to mend what she had broken.
"It's a long story," she said lamely.
"Elena," Damon warned, she knew that tone. It was the tone that said he saw right through her trying to deflect the question.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, bracing herself for the moment she'd been hoping she'd get, but now that it was here, she was nervous. She was so afraid of how he'd react once he knew the truth.
"How about I tell you over some dinner?" She asked hesitantly.
Surprisingly, he smiled.
"Ok," he agreed, "That sounds good."
I was shocked at Damon's actions in this chapter. I had a totally different plan, but turns out he knew better. My plan for the next chapter is to have a fun chapter before we get into the heavy stuff again.
Thanks for making the time to read this! My goal is to get all of the people who added this story to their favorites/alerts to review. Call me shallow, but I've always wanted one of those stories with like over a hundred reviews. Anyway, thanks for reading, again. And thanks in advance if you reviewed!