A/N: This is literally all fluff. All of it. And I'm not even ashamed.

I hope you enjoy!

"I think it's cute!"

Kurt nudged Blaine away from him, frowning. "It's not cute," he said, pulling his retainers out of their cleaning solution and rinsing them off. "It's horrifying. And it's all because my stupid teeth are moving again."

"Well," said Blaine, nuzzling into Kurt's shoulder. "I think it's adorable that your dad cares so much about your teeth that he's willing to get you new retainers even though you lost your old ones."

"Correction: he cares about the insane amount of money he spent making my teeth normal, hence why he had to get me retainers, hence why he bought me new ones."

"Well you did accidentally send them through the dish washer."

Kurt turned to Blaine and pointed at him with his toothbrush. "That was Finn's fault and you know it."

Blaine laughed. "I suppose."

Once teeth were brushed and pajamas were put on, Kurt and Blaine walked back to Kurt's bed and laid down.

"So how come I never saw retainers when I slept over that disastrous night where I was drunk off of my ass?" Blaine asked, throwing an arm around Kurt's waist.

"Well," said Kurt, putting the retainers in. "You were kind of smashed out of your mind, sho I don't shink you would have remembered your own name if shomeone ashed."

Blaine fought back a laugh. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Well you were jusht sho drunk dat you were shtumbling all over the plashe. Ish not like I would have expected you to remember dat night."

"You can't say 's's." Kurt didn't even have to look over to tell that Blaine was fighting not to burst into laughter. "You say 'sh' instead of 's'."

"Shut up!"

"Oh, good, that one was on purpose!" grinned Blaine.

Kurt fought back a laugh and hit Blaine with a pillow. "Oh coursh it wash on purposhe. Ish – OH, SHUT UP."

Blaine couldn't hold it back anymore and burst into uncontrollable giggles. "Oh my god, you sound like your tongue broke or something. This is great."

"Tongues can't break, Blaine," said Kurt, attempting to sound haughty even though his speech was impaired. "And plush, theshe are new retainersh. I'm going to shound funny for a bit while I get ushed to dem."

Blaine rolled over and pressed his face into the pillow to keep himself from laughing directly in Kurt's face, which Kurt sort of appreciated and sort of wanted to punch Blaine for.

"You are an ash, Blaine Andershon. A complete and total ash."

Blaine rolled over and threw an arm around Kurt's waist, snuggling his face into Kurt's chest. "Actually," he replied, "I rather think of myself as a birch tree."

"I'd think of you as a bonsai," quipped Kurt, wrapping his arm around Blaine's back and settling his chin on the top of his head. "You know, the tiny ones they shove into little glash containers?"

Blaine sat up. "I am a birch!" he said, standing up on the bed. "A big, strong, birch!"

"Why?" Kurt asked, grinning. "Ish dat because you're such a white boy that when you shay 'gangshta' it shends everyone into hyshtertical laughter?"

"No," said Blaine. "It's because I am strong!"

"You do realize if you were even an inch taller your head would be hitting the sheiling."

Blaine frowned and sat down. "You're mean," he laughed.

"You made fun of my retainers."

"Well how's this," said Blaine, taking Kurt's face in his hands. "I will kish you wish yerrr wetainers."

Kurt laughed hysterically as Blaine pressed a kiss along his jaw line and then up to his lips, returning the – admittedly odd with the combination of metal and plastic in his mouth – little kiss with an ending kiss to Blaine's nose.

"Okay, okay, I know," said Kurt. "I shound ridiculous."

Blaine rolled over onto his stomach and threw an arm around Kurt's stomach. "Yes, but you always look adorable, which is a plus."

"Cheeshe ball."

"Lispy boyfriend." Kurt rolled over onto his stomach and pressed a kiss to Blaine's cheek. Blaine turned his head and pressed a kiss to Kurt's nose, and said, "love you, Captain Retainer."

"Love you, Captain Bonzai Tree."