Okay this song is called "Say You'll Haunt Me" by Stone Sour. I'd like to dedicate this songfic to Jakarie, who asked for this song to be used. Hope ya like it! xDDD
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious and blah blah blah…
"Little supernovas in my head
Little soft pulses in my dead
Little souvenirs and secrets shared
Little off guard and unprepared…"
I didn't even shed a tear as I sat on my bathroom floor, curled up in a solitary ball. My brown hair splayed in my face as I gripped the scissors in my hand. My teeth bore in a slight snarl; I dragged the sharp blade across my wrist. Is this what love is supposed to feel like? I thought, cutting again and watching as the blood fell from the cuts and pooled onto the tile floor. To feel so numb when you're other half isn't here with you?
This time I screamed as I sliced the scissors across my wrist again. Stinging pain throbbed in my wrist but I ignored it. After a moment I felt tears threatening to spill over, but I wouldn't let them. I grit my teeth as I grabbed a paper towel, pressing it against my wrist to stop the bleeding. I let out a sob; a raging, sad sob, burying my hands in my face. I looked down at the pool of my blood that stretched out endlessly before me and spelled out something with my fingers.
Jade West loves Cat Valentine.
"I was never good enough to find
I was never bad enough to mind
In the middle I will do my best
Take me in your arms and leave the rest
I will give you anything to
Say you want to stay, you want me too
Say you'll never die, you'll always haunt me
I want to know I belong to you
Say you'll haunt me
Together, together we'll be together, together forever…"
I walked down the halls of Hollywood Arts, my eyes down and unfocused. I felt curious stares boring the back of my head as I headed for the lunch table. I didn't even have the will power to whip my head around and snap at whoever was staring me down.
As I headed for the table I saw something that made me look up. At the table were Cat and Robbie; both were very close together. (Okay this is the scene in Victorious where Cat kisses Robbie just sayin :P) I blinked for a moment, and then slipped into the shadows, watching the two. Cat had a look of frustration on her face as Robbie explained something frantically, the back of his head shaking angrily (I was in a position where I could see Cat's face clearly while my eyes bore into the back of Robbie's head). My eyes narrowed as I tried to make out what Cat was saying.
Suddenly, Cat leaned over to Robbie and their lips met in a kiss. I felt my heart shatter and my jaw drop. As soon as their lips parted, I raced off, refusing to acknowledge anybody as I passed. I raced into the girls' bathroom and let out an angry sob, hot tears scorching my cheeks. I looked into the mirror I stood in front of and grimaced in disgust as I eyed myself. "She'll never want you," I spat at my reflection. "You're ugly and worthless, and… and…" I gripped the edges of the white sink until my knuckles turned white. "AND I HATE YOU!" I whipped around and struck the wall with my foot. I felt instant pain throb in my foot, but at that moment I didn't care. I ripped the scissors I had in my pocket out and jammed them into the wall. Pulling them out, I took a deep breath and slowly turned around, sliding my back down the wall. I gripped the scissors and slowly moved my bracelets out of the way, tracing the scars on my wrist with my fingers. "I love you, Cat." I whispered.
"Little variations on my page
Little doors open on my cage
Little time has come and gone so far
Little by little who you are
I can see the patterns on your face
I can see the miracles I trace
Symmetry in shadows I can't hide
I just want to be right by your side…"
I wandered the streets of L.A., feeling lost and unwanted. Dark clouds loomed overhead and I sighed sadly, looking up. A raindrop hit my nose but I felt too lost to think about where to go. Where was there to go anyway?
I passed by the park Cat and I would go to as kids and slumped down beside a large oak tree. Memories flashed through my head and I smiled sadly. Suddenly, I heard a faint beat of wings and looked over. A butterfly lay clinging onto a blade of grass, its wings bent and crooked. I shook my head and picked it up delicately, watching as it writhed helplessly.
I smiled at the dying creature. Being hopelessly in love with Cat felt so similar to the dying beauty in my hands. It could have been the most beautiful thing you would have ever seen in your life; it could have been so bright it would have blinded you. But here it lies, dying slowly with no one to comfort it as it took its last breath. It could still live and breathe, but its' chances seemed slim. I blinked suddenly. Could I ever really be with Cat? Could I finally gather the strength to risk total heartbreak and tell her how I felt? Then we would live happily ever after? I sighed, knowing my answer, as the butterfly died in my hands.
"I will give you everything to
Say you want to stay you want me too
Say you'll never die, you'll always haunt me
I want to know I belong to you
Say you'll haunt me
Say you want to stay you want me too
Say you'll never die, you'll always haunt me
I want to know I belong to you
Say you'll haunt me
Together, together we'll be together, together forever
I belong to you
Together, together we'll be together, together forever
I belong to you…"
I paced my bedroom floor, my wrists itching for blood. I rubbed them together, trying to cause some sort of pain. I felt the skin heat up, but it wasn't enough. I bared my teeth in frustration, letting out an angry, lovesick scream. Cat kissed Robbie. Sweet, innocent Cat. Kissed that freak of nature! I felt scorching tears boil over my eyelids, not even bothering to stop them. I glanced over, my scissors were right there; I could end this agony right now.
No, I will not cut. I will not cut. Cat wouldn't want that. I told myself over and over in my head, my eyes stealing a glance at the sharp blades of my scissors. They lay there on the edge of the desk, mocking me. I stopped pacing and gazed at them. I could tell; they were itching for blood. My blood.
I couldn't take it anymore. I angrily stormed over and snatched up the scissors, gritting my teeth. "You want my blood?" I screamed, my vision blurry with tears. "Well, here! YOU CAN HAVE IT!" Fingers clenched, teeth bared, I sliced the scissors across my wrist. Old cuts mixed with new as the fresh cuts burst with blood. I let out a scream of agonizing satisfaction, dragging the blades across my wrist again. "HERE! YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL! I DON'T NEED IT!" I wailed, jamming the scissors into my desk where they stuck like glue. I pulled them out and jammed them in again. I felt my rage simmering inside of me as I walked over to my bed. I flopped onto the black sheets and buried my face into a red pillow, letting out my anger in one scream. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I let out a quiet sob, then another, then another…
Before I knew it I was bawling my eyes out. "Is this what you wanted Cat?" I asked, knowing she couldn't hear me. "Did you want to shatter my heart into a million fucking pieces? IS THIS WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE?" I buried my face into my hands. The window by my bed shone with light, and I turned my back to it. I didn't deserve its warmth; it's comfort. "Cat…" I whimpered.
"Little supernovas in my head
Little soft pulses in my dead
Little souvenirs and secrets shared
Little off guard and unprepared
I will give you anything to
I will give you everything to
Say you want to stay you want me too
Say you'll never die you'll always haunt me
I want to know I belong to you
Say you'll haunt me
Say you want to stay you want me too
Say you'll never die you'll always haunt me
I want to know I belong to you
Say you'll haunt me…"
I didn't even bother going to school the next day. I felt so numb; I couldn't feel anything at all. I just lay in my bed, listening to the sounds of outside from my window. Birds chirping, car engines roaring to life, young children giggling with excitement. For them, life went on. But not for me. I thought, snickering at myself with disgust. For me, time stood still. I couldn't feel anything, the seasons never changed in my dark little world. I just sat there in the darkness of everyone else's world, waiting for someone to pull me out into the light. Someone whose smile so bright it made the sun seem dull. Someone who never had a frown on her petite little face, someone whose giggle can make the world feel a little brighter. My sweet little Cat. I thought, closing my eyes. I dully looked down at my fresh scars, still caked with blood. I hadn't even bothered to clean them; I just cried myself to sleep last night. I winced as my fingers softly touched over them and I felt them sting. I didn't remove them, just pressed them down harder. I smirked in satisfaction as I saw fresh blood start to well around my fingertips.
Suddenly, I heard a horrid gasp from my door. I turned my head and my eyes widened. Cat stood there, head shaking in disbelief, mouth gaping. "Cat…" I whispered.
"Jade, what did you do?" Cat said fearfully, walking towards me quickly and sitting down next to me. She grabbed my wrist and rubbed her fingers over them gently. What surprised me is that they didn't sting at her touch; it actually eased the pain. "J-Jade…" she said quietly, lifting her head to me. "You're cutting yourself…?" She was silent for a moment, then she spoke up again, her voice hard and angry. "How long?"
I winced at the edge in her voice, but I kept my voice calm. "Years now."
"Why, Jade? What the hell made you think that this," she pointed at my cuts, "is okay?" I looked at her hopelessly. "I… can't tell you."
"Jade, you have to. I'm your best friend."
"And that's just it."
"What? What do you mean?"
"We're just friends." I spat bitterly. "That's why I can't tell you."
"Jade, you have to."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do."
"Cat, just forget it."
"I can't forget it! You're bringing a blade to your wrists! Now tell me!"
"No."
"Come on!"
"No."
"Jade!"
"It's because I love you!" I screamed at her. I saw her eyes widen with shock, and I instantly regretted telling her, but there was nothing stopping me now. "I have been in love with you for fucking years, Cat! Every single day I've thought about you! And to be honest, I started going out with Beck to forget about you! But it didn't work. I'm sorry Cat, but I love you so fucking much it hurts to breathe without you!" Tears were streaming down my face and I turned my head away so she wouldn't see me in my moment of weakness. I felt Cat's hand fumbling nervously with my own; I knew she was trying to think of a way to let me down easily. "Jade-"
"Please Cat. I'm sorry I said those things to you. You were never supposed to know. It's okay, you don't have to break it to me. I know you don't feel the same way." Suddenly, her fingers grabbed my chin and she turned my head to look up at her. She captured her lips with my own gently. After a moment of her kissing me my stunned lips relaxed and I began to kiss back. It was soft and sweet and tasted of strawberries. A few minutes passed before she pulled away, looking me straight in the eye. "C-Cat…" I said, trailing off as she placed a finger to my lips. "Jade, I've loved you since the first minute I laid eyes on you. I was just too stupid to realize it." She said quietly. I gripped her hands and squeezed them gently. "I guess that makes two of us." I said, and both of us giggled quietly. I smiled and pulled her in for another kiss. "I love you, Jade." She panted against my lips.
"I love you too, Cat."
"Together, together we'll be together, together forever
I belong to you
Together, together we'll be together, together forever
I belong to you…"
Badumbum! Yep that's it. I can't believe it only took me like 3 days to make this! So anyway, please review and give me other songs to make Cade songfics with! Thanks!