[Sorry for the delay guys, I have midterms :(

Enjoy!]

"The indefinable space between happy and sad is the most moving and compelling place for anyone to be. If there's anything we consistently strive for, it's a melancholy limbo." -Shawn Colvin

Derek opened his eyes, and he smiled. Almost instantaneously.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up with a genuine smile on his face. It's not like he wasn't happy; he was. But every morning he would wake up with worries and guilt. He would think about the people he could've saved, the killers he could've caught. He would think of her – the person he wished he could've saved the most.

But that morning, he woke up with a smile. The first thought that came to his mind was that she looked beautiful when she slept.

Her hair was sprawled over the pillow, her long eyelashes grazing her cheeks. Her mouth was curved into a small smile, and he wondered what she was dreaming about.

She looked so peaceful. The worry lines that were usually settled into her face were not there, the dark circles under her eyes almost gone.

All of a sudden, he felt her stir, and he knew she was awake.

Neither of them moved though, and he knew Emily wouldn't say anything. He couldn't blame her – this was sufficiently awkward already.

They had crossed a line, and Derek didn't know what that meant for them.

Suddenly, he saw a swish of black, and Sergio was on the bed, making his way over to Emily.

Derek saw as she shifted slightly, making room for the cat on her lap.

He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips at that. Sergio had missed her too. Derek remembered all the times he'd been at Garcia's and seen the cat sulking silently in the corner, not touching any of his food.

Emily turned her head towards him, her gaze locking on his for what seemed like an eternity.

He knew what both of them were thinking. What had they done? They had always been so easygoing together. Right from the start it seems, they clicked and fell into a comfortable pattern.

They knew each other, they trusted. Derek knew what her exact move would be in any given situation. People's lives depended on them working well together - they couldn't let emotions get in the way of what had come so easily. They just couldn't.

And yet, they had. They'd let their need, their stupid feelings, get in the way of the job; and Derek had sworn he'd never let that happen.

"Hey Emily.", the words slipped out of his mouth before he knew what he was doing.

"What?", she responded, looking at him expectantly.

Derek just opened his mouth. He didn't know what he wanted to say. Yeah, he knew what he needed to. He needed to say that they had to stop, that whatever they were doing couldn't mess up their partnership.

But instead, he just said "Never mind."

Derek couldn't tell her that this was wrong. He'd always gone with his gut, and right then it was telling him to go for it - to be happy. He just couldn't ignore his instinct.

But he knew he wouldn't tell her how he felt. So he just left it the way it was – awkward conversations and showing up at her doorstep in the middle of the night. He didn't tell her because he didn't want to scare her, he didn't want the team to find out and have to transfer one of them out. And he didn't say that they should stop, because he couldn't. He was addicted to her – to this. So there he was, just stuck in what seemed like limbo.

Emily just stared at him with her mouth slightly open, like she couldn't believe what he'd just said.

Sergio meowed then, and Derek finally broke eye contact.

"I'm.. I- I better go...", he said, looking around the room, finally spotting his shirt on a nearby chair. He didn't even remember taking it off.

Throwing it over his head, he saw her nod and retreated awkwardly out of her room into the hallway without so much as a goodbye.

He quietly shut the door behind him and stood there, looking out at her street – at his car parked on the side of the road.

Suddenly, he felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

He'd been here before, in this same exact situation. He'd already left her once, not telling her how he felt. And he felt like the biggest coward as he got into his car and drove away for the second time.

He didn't know what he was afraid of. They could be so happy together.

Maybe he was scared of ruining what they had.

Maybe it was her rejection – he knew she might say no. There was always a chance with her; she had been unpredictable from the day he met her. He'd liked to think he had her figured out, but he could never be sure.

Maybe it was fear of messing up the job. He didn't want to break up the team, and if anything happened between them, he knew that would be a possibility. He didn't want to be distracted either. People would die if he was worried about Emily in the field more than he already was.

Plus, the job was important to him – it was what he lived for.

The people he saved were a way for him to get by; to survive when it felt like the whole world was falling apart. He was making the world a better place, he had to believe that. He was making his dad proud.

But at the end of the day, the job wouldn't make him happy.

The job wouldn't get him a family, wouldn't get him kids of his own.

Derek envisioned himself just like Rossi in twenty years – alone, still doing the job he'd sworn was just a stage in his career. He didn't want to end up an old man with no children and too many regrets - he already had enough of those. He needed to take this chance; he wanted to truly be happy.

But as he sat in his car in his driveway, he didn't go back.

So he pulled out his phone, typing a text to her instead. He erased it, reworded, and erased again countless times before he just settled for an apology and his usual reassurance.

Em, I'm sorry...

I'm here if you want to talk about this. Always.

He didn't quite know what he was sorry for.

Maybe it was for coming last night, or for starting this all those months ago.

Maybe it was for chickening out and not saying what he wanted to that morning.

Either way, it seemed right. So he pressed send.

He really should've been over there, telling her face to face. They should be sitting and working this out, like adults.

But they weren't. They were sending mixed signals and not thinking about the consequences, just like stupid teenagers.

And Derek tried to convince himself that he wasn't telling her because he didn't want to impose, because she wasn't ready. But that was bullshit; even he knew it. Yet he tried to convince himself it was true, probably because he didn't want to face the truth: he was afraid. Afraid of taking a chance.

[Review and tell me what you thought?

Also, I have a couple idea of where I want to take this story, but I'm not convinced yet...

So if you guys have any suggestions on where you want this story to go, please please please feel free to PM me or leave it in the review :)]