Author's Note: I'm so sorry I haven't updated! I sort of left this one in the wind, I guess…Well, I'm writing a lot more now and want to write some Cara. Here we go.

Disclaimer/Spoiler Alert is the same as in previous chapters.

Chapter 4 - Guilt

Catherine watched in confusion as Sara bolted out of the break room. Nothing to concern yourself over? Oh, and I'm Bruce Springsteen, Catherine thought sarcastically. Shaking her head, she rose and carefully walked out of the break room, not wanting to make it seem as though she were following Sara anywhere. The team doesn't need to worry about her…I hope.

Catherine's first guess on Sara's location was spot-on: "her lab," the one with blinds and old equipment in the back corner. It was so dark and depressing in there. Catherine never understood how someone could honestly work or feel better in such a place. She knocked on the door and let herself in.

"Jeez, Cath. Give a girl a little warning, why don't you?" Sara instantly retorted at Catherine's hasty entrance. Catherine shut the door behind her.

"What, afraid I'd catch you sexting Grissom?" Sara closed her eyes and shuddered in response, though her mouth was set in a grimace leading Catherine to believe it was not a shudder of anticipation. "Are you okay?" She asked.

Sara shook her head. How am I supposed to tell her this? I'm not sure I've even said it to myself in my head! The thoughts began to swirl around in her mind so quickly that it felt as though the world was spinning, too.

"Whoa, there, Sidle," Catherine cautioned as she rested a hand on Sara's shoulder. "You're looking mighty pale. Sit down. Are you feeling all right?"

Sara looked around and sat in the office chair to her right. "I'm fine," she responded. "Health-wise, at least."

"Then why do you look like you're about to pass out?"

Because you're here, in front of me, asking me to tell you that you're the reason I need a few days off! Sara responded in her head. I don't want to admit to you that you've won, that you'll always be the one in control so long as I hide this from you.

"Sara?" Catherine prompted after a moment of silence.

"I can't tell you, Catherine," Sara finally spat out. "I just…can't…tell you."

"What?" Catherine asked, shocked. "Why?" She knew they hadn't been the closest over the years, so perhaps Sara still didn't really trust her, but they had been building a small friendship and she expected more than just another shut-down from her younger coworker.

"I just can't, Cath," Sara responded, jarring Catherine again with the softened nickname and guilty tone of voice. She mumbled something else under her voice.

"I'd what?" Catherine asked, dropping the nickname issue, swearing she'd heard Sara say You'd kill me if you ever found out.

"It's nothing, Cath. It's nothing. Nothing…to concern yourself over."

"Like hell it isn't, Sidle!" Catherine had listened long enough. "Look. Something is bothering you. I, believe it or not, care about you and the friendship we've been building recently. I know this doesn't have to do with work and I know that it's probably personal, but I want to be here to help you."

Sara sighed and looked up at Catherine pleadingly. I can't believe I'm about to say this, she thought as a groan of resignation escaped her lips.

"I can't tell you because you'd fire me. It's you, specifically. I just can't tell you about it. It would ruin everything."

What would ruin everything? Catherine thought to herself. Is it something I've said? What does she mean by everything? Sara saw the worry run over Catherine's features.

"Catherine, it's not—"

"What, Sara? What did I do? I must have done something. If I upset you I'm sorry, we've all been really stressed out lately, and I—"

"Cat, stop." The nickname, even less common and typically hated by Catherine, stopped her short immediately. "You didn't. Do. Anything. I promise. I did something, okay? I did something, and I can't tell you about it because you would hate me forever and thing I was a horrible, horrible person."

Did Sara Sidle just say "you would hate me forever?" As in, what Lindsey says about me if she ever did anything I've told her not to do? My teenaged daughter and Sara have the same vernacular?

"Whoa there, Sidle. Did you just say I'd 'hate you forever,' as in the cliché all teens use against their parents in an argument?"

"No. I mean, I…no. I did not."

"I'm quite certain you did. Now what could you have possibly done that would make me hate you? Forever?" Catherine inquired.

"I'm sorry, this is probably a waste of your time, I should go—" Sara tried to change the subject and escape the situation.

"No, Sidle, you're not going anywhere until you've told me what horrible thing you could have possibly done to make me think so horribly of you."

"Look, Catherine, it's not that simple," Sara responded, growing defensive and agitated.

"Sara. I'm not trying to get upset with you. You're just making this a whole hell of a lot harder than it needs to be."

Sara fidgeted for a moment under Catherine's serious gaze and tried to calm down. I shouldn't be getting upset with her, I'm just making an ass out of myself. But god, how can I tell her? I can't believe I did it once…let alone for the past week! God, how could I be so stupid? I should've stopped myself, I—

"Sara?" Catherine's voice cut through Sara's thoughts instantly, her head snapping up and her mind freezing.

"I…"

"You what, Sara?"

"I did something bad."

"I know you think that, Sara."

"I did something really bad, Catherine."

"I'm sure it couldn't be so horrible. Just tell me, okay? You're always so hard on yourself." Catherine tried to reason with the brunette, kneeling down in front of her seated coworker.

"But it is that horrible!" She turned away from Catherine's intense blue eyes. "I can't believe I did this to you," she mumbled, hoping Catherine wouldn't hear her.

"I don't see how you've done anything to me, particularly since I don't know about it," Catherine said, softly, as she saw the fear and pain swirling in Sara's deep brown eyes. Sara didn't respond, suddenly very interested in the tile floor. "Look; if it'll make you feel better, I'll count to twenty before I respond," Catherine continued. It was something she had picked up from trying to persuade information out of Lindsey. Not something that usually worked with suspects, but Sara wasn't a suspect here. She looked to see if the idea had struck a chord with her coworker.

Sara nodded and sighed in resignation. She looked up at Catherine uncomfortably.

"Promise you won't fire me?"

AN 2: Hey, a cliffhanger! I'll be updating later today or tomorrow, most likely. I really want to get this story rolling. The counting to twenty thing that Catherine does with Sara is something my lovely girlfriend has done with me in the past to make me more okay with talking about difficult subjects. It's wonderfully relaxing, it takes my anxiety level way down.

Reviews make me write faster!