My Music is My Life

Austin and Ally

AustinxAlly

Rated M

Warning: Nothing too bad this chapter. not even any language. The next chapter will have some mature things, this one is pretty chill.

Disclaimer: I do not own Austin and Ally as much as I want and dream, still.

Sorry It took so long to update. Things became very busy and I hadn't had the time to put up the new chapter.

"Thoughts"

"Speech"

Chapter 4: Better Now

Every night, it still haunts me. I can't sleep without worrying something's going to happen. I have to sleep with the lights on. I don't trust the dark anymore.

I act like I'm okay because I don't want Ally to worry more than she already is. This...mishap affected her a lot too. I don't remember much, but I still get flashbacks on the horrifying events and i can barely sleep at night. They keep on taunting me, like watching a film and you are tied to a chair and your eyelids are taped open.

Smiling is the only way i can hide the pain. Show the world I'm okay when I'm really slowly dying on the inside.

It got to the point where I cut. I cut to distract my mind from my inside struggles and focus on the physical pain. It's much more easy to deal with. The pain from cutting is nothing compared to the turmoil inside my soul.

Each time I look in the mirror, I'm disgusted. My skin keeps getting paler and i'm starting to lose weight. More than I should be. There is noticeable bags under my eyes from constant lack of sleep. Each time I leave the house, I make sure to cover anything up. MY scars with long shirts and complexion with heavy duty make-up, but I still make it look normal enough so that no one would notice.

I'm too ashamed to tell anyone about it because I don't want people's pity. I don't want them to look at me and see the wreck I've become. I'd rather cover it up than tell people the truth, especially Ally.

Every day, I've been slowly getting worse and worse. I've gone from cutting once a month, to once a week. My arm's are covered in scars, but most of them have disappeared. I heal fast.

One day, I decided to cut because everything was getting too much. I think I heard Ally say something about me but I just ignored it and went home. I went straight to my bathroom and grabbed my little sharp friend. I took off my shirt and slowly dragged the blade across my arm. The pain was intense but I've gotten used to it. It almost felt good now.

I watched as the blood slowly trickle down my arm and drip in the sink. I almost felt calmer, but I needed to cut more. So I slashed a few more times until there was a steady stream of blood coming from my arm. I started to feel light headed, but i welcomed it. I wanted to escape the world that was giving me so much problems.

"Austin? Are you home?"

"Ally? What is she doing here?"

"Remember I said I would stop by so we could work on some songs for the website?"

"Oh that's what she said when I was leaving. Guess I should clean up."

Right when I was about to grab the towel, started to see the floor coming closer. It was weird because I didn't feel like I was falling. I don't even remember taking a step. As i hit the ground, it made a loud crashing noise that could probably be heard in the other house, but I didn't feel it.

"AUSTIN!"

She was saying things but I really could understand what she was saying. Everything sounded far away and I felt like I was being consumed by darkness. The last thing I remember is Ally putting something on my arms. That's when everything went blank.

When I woke up, I had a massive headache. My limbs felt like lead and I couldn't even lift them to get out of bed. All I could do was open my eyes and move my head back and forth. That was the range of my movement.

I started to panic because I didn't see Ally anywhere. I really didn't want to be alone at the moment and Ally just seemed to calm him down. He felt at ease when she was around. Like everything was going to be okay.

"Ally? A-are you h-here?" My voice was raspy like I haven't used it in days.

"I'm right here Austin." I saw here open the door and come in with a tray of food.

"I brought some food for you to eat."

"Thanks." I smiled the best i could, but it really just was a twitch of my mouth.

She smiled and gave me the food. I realized that I still couldn't move my arms and couldn't really eat myself. Ally must of known because she sat on the bed and started to feed me the food.

"Don't ever do this again Austin. You almost gave me a heart attack."

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want anyone to know how screwed up I was."

"Austin, I'd be more concerned if you weren't loopy in the head than if you were. So next time you want to hurt yourself, call me and we'll get through it together okay?"

'Okay, I'm sorry."

She kept feeding me the food with a smile on her face. It made me blush a little at how helpless I was at the moment. She saw and just giggled a little but didn't say anything about it.

"We will get through this together," she said and she kissed me on the cheek.

Yeah, I think things will get much better from now on.

And this is the end of the 4th chapter. Tell me what you think. Improvements or such. IT would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!