Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.

A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire. She lets me bitch and moan and never complains, so thank you sweetheart.

Thank you to those of you who added me to your favorites and to those of you who commented. I hope to see your names below again for this chapter.

AN:

Things are growing more intense between Edward and Bella and more confusing than ever. There are consequences to every decision you make, but what are the right choices when they will lead you in very different directions?

Some of the chapter is inspired by my RL, yes it was fun and yes I want to do it again.

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Chapter Eight

His hands were warm and persuasive as they roamed my body. I sighed content as it was like tasting food after starving. His touches soothed my pores like food would satisfy my taste buds.

Perhaps I was starving, well at least my body was, it was clear from reacting so strongly to being touched. I wanted it, I needed to consume it, devour and gobble every small particle of the awoken feeling sizzling inside of me.

It was all a blur but I knew I was whimpering, moaning and squirming beneath him. I had completely forgotten how it felt to be intimate, how powerful an aphrodisiac physical contact was.

I woke with my pulse jack hammering in my temples and my breath rushing from my chest. My fingers tingled, come to think of it, every cell in my body tingled. I glanced to the side disoriented. Where was he?

My mind traveled to my dream again and agony washed over me. He wasn't here and he never would be. Jacob was gone – for good. Never again would those strong hands make my body tingle and my blood rush when he caressed my body or his mouth dance with my mouth.

I sighed at the verge of tears and closed my eyes. Through the agony I felt the pressure in my body and the need for release. It had been so long since I had felt any kind of hormonal induced desire, but it was here now, so why not take advantage and hope it would soothe my depression. I slipped my hand down my panties to acquaint myself with a long lost friend. I never used to get myself off a lot in the past, but it did happen on occasion. My panties were soaked as I started rubbing. I didn't feel the familiar tension building and I couldn't seem to get into it so I gave up before really trying. My mind wouldn't stop circling around the dream, something was off about it.

I wiped my hand on the sheets, curling my fingers around the fabric as I gave up on my attempt of a self-induced orgasm. Instead I focused on the dream. I needed to know where the warning was tolling it bells. The face was all blurry, but the touching welcome and enticing. His hands were familiar, fingers long and elegant, but far from the dark russet hues of Jacobs hands. Jake's skin was dark and tanned, these were pale.

I yelped and tumbled off the bed. Holy fucking shit! It was Edward's hands I had dreamed that roamed the length of me. I heaved in an erratic breath and my chest pounded. Every single nerve was standing on end and still screaming for the attention. I braced myself against my knees and I tried to reason this down to an errand thought, but if I had to be honest I damn well knew I was attracted to Edward. I was desperately in need of a good old fashioned roll in the hay, fuck your brains out, screaming out your orgasm kinda lay. Every tingling sensation in my body told me just that. I was screwed, well not literally.

I peaked thought the curtain seeing the faint glow of light from Edward's place. I hadn't stayed long after his mental breakdown. I had excused myself with a need to be alone for a while and he understood and apologized again with a wounded look on his face. I hadn't resurfaced for dinner and I wasn't sure if Edward had expected me to. Knowing him this far, he probably had. I felt guilty. He had begged me to stay and at first chance I ran for the hills. What a friend I was.

I slipped on a pair of cotton short and a black singlet over my torso. I didn't bother with anything else.

I wasn't sure it was wise going to his place this late and in my hormonal state, but I wanted to make sure he was alright. He had been there for me and I would be there for him. I would allow my life to have the value of being his friend when he needed it. The big dark haunting secret of his, what ever it was, didn't matter between us. We mattered and the bond we seemed to have and not some indifferent mistake he had made. I glanced at the clock; it was just after 2pm.

The sand was nice and cool and I hadn't bothered with my flip flops. I refused to let myself drown or wallow in confusion over my dream, and just go be the friend he needed.

I gave a small tentative knock on his door. I didn't want to wake him if he was asleep and just had the lights on. A faint hint of music and muffled sounds of footsteps filtered from inside. Light streamed brightly from the door when Edward opened, he leaned against the frame, gazing down at me seriously.

My heart got stuck in my throat and I just stared like a simpleton. In just a few hours I had completely forgotten how strikingly beautiful he was. Or perhaps it was a result of the sexual dream that was messing with my mind. I allowed myself a moment to indulge and ogle rudely at him. His face was sad, but soft and understanding. He wasn't wearing anything but a pair of shorts slung low on his hips.

I found my lips to speak before the moment would get anymore embarrassing. "Can I come in?" I asked softly.

"Sure." He answered quietly and pushed the door open wider. I ducked under his arm and his smell wafted past my nose and jumbling my thoughts even more. I needed to keep a straight mind if this late night call wouldn't end where my dream had stopped. I was nowhere near ready for that, if I would ever be. Sure, my body might want it, but that by no means meant my mind and soul would give into that. There were consequences, betrayal and hurt linked to ending up naked with Edward. I couldn't do that to Jacob.

"I wasn't sure I would see you again." He said quietly and glanced down at his feet. He leaned back against the closed door, folding his arms across his chest.

Soft classical music filled the room and I looked into the adjacent room where a computer was supplying the gentle tones. It was soothing and yet haunting, this was one I knew. Beside it were his journal and papers scattered across the table.

"I'm sorry I ran. I just needed a moment to adjust." I hesitated. "What ever happened to you doesn't matter Edward. You taught me I can't keep living in the past, so now I'm telling you the very same thing."

"It's not the past Bella." He murmured.

"Well what ever it is, it doesn't matter."

He cocked a brow at me, almost daring. "It will." Were his only words.

I decided to stop the depressing bantering for now and do what I came here for. Moral support. I threw another glance at the computer intrigued by the music. "Clair de Lune?"

He gaped at me. "You know it?"

I nodded. I was basically the only piece of classical music I did know. My mother used to play it. I liked it, though I had a tendency to never like anything she did just for kicks. "So you're into classical music?"

He smiled that crooked grin and I melted. "I'm into all kinds of music." He smirked.

"Do you play anything?"

"Piano."

"Well?"

He shrugged. "Some." His eyes were suddenly alive with humor. Oh he was so lying. I glanced down at his fingers. With his elegance I wouldn't be surprised if he had been a kick as talented pianist wonder child and a professional concert master on top of that. "I don't play much after Elizabeth died." He shoved away from the door, moving over to the screen.

I stared down at Itunes. I felt a little intrusive, but the list was impressive. "Can I look?"

"Sure." He packed away the papers and his journal. I didn't see much, but I recognized the name on the header of the legal paper. Jenks. It was the person he was on the phone with when all hell had broken loose.

I sat down and scrolled through the list. I would be lucky if I knew a tenth of the songs, and he was right, there were all kinds of genres on the list. I quickly gave up trying to find anything I was familiar with and just sat and listened to the gentle piano playing.

"So sketching, swimming and piano playing, Edward. Is there anything you don't do well?"

He laughed loudly and shook his head. "I'm sure my parents would be able to think of a few." My eyes widened at his cavalier mention of his parents and he saw it. "It's okay Bella, it's not going to hurt forever to mention Jacob's name. I can talk about my parents, just as if they were here."

I nodded woodenly, envy rising inside of me. It would take me years to be able to think of Jacob with such effortlessness.

"So what do you want to do?" He moved to the opposite side of the room, opening a small fridge.

"Oh god, you have a mini bar? I'm so jealous!" I blurted, sounding completely like a brain-dead teenager.

"And you don't?" He asked incredulous. I shook my head. "Well would you want something?"

"You got any alcohol in there?" He nodded amused. "Then please pour me something strong please." Getting smashed was a bad idea, but having something to dull my nerves and hormones was prime target. It felt strangely a little like my own self before Jacob, to not over think it, but just go with my gut - to have a little bit of free spirit. I was never a heavy drinker, but that didn't mean I never got trashed.

"Something strong?" He muttered under his breath and crouched down to survey the bar. He pulled out two bottles of clear fluids. Vodka. He emptied them into two glasses and diluted it only with a small squirt of orange juice, mainly giving a little color to the drink.

He handed me the glass and without thought I gulped it down in one long pull. He stared at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I managed through the burn of the vodka. This was seriously the cheap and local stuff. Nothing smooth or velvety about the taste, it went down like acid. But I suspected it would have the same effect as the expensive stuff, nonetheless. Just what I needed, a tranquilizer for my nerves.

Edward mirrored my technique and downed his, wincing slightly as he swallowed.

I glanced around his room, hoping I wasn't invading his space. The room was certainly nicer than mine. I sat down on his bed, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to throw in some random trivia just for the hell of it, but I wasn't completely comfortable with the silence either.

Edward seemed to pick up my apprehension, seeing right through me as usual. "Wanna do something?" He asked cautiously. I nodded in response. He picked up a deck of cards and opened the mini bar again.

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I woke, instantly aware I was not alone, nor was I in my room. A warm breath kept feathering past my neck and his body was warm and comfortable around me. I glanced down and found Edward snuggled tightly into the crook of my neck. Further down, his hand had traveled under my shirt and resting at my ribs. The whole intimacy of the situation had me baffled, as the fact I wasn't exactly wearing a bra. I hadn't bothered putting one on after my nightmare. I tilted my head and saw the multitude of bottles scattered on the floor mixed in with the deck of cards. The empty bottles would definitely explain the slight throb in my head. I hadn't been inebriated or anything, but I was a cheap drunk not having touched a drop for at least a year. It would have been so easy to turn to alcohol to numb the pain when losing Jacob, but in advance I figured that all together was just a bad idea.

Edward had taught me to play casino, showing me how to add the numbers, and stack the pairs. I wasn't horrible at it, but not great either. It was like everything else in life, I was just average. There was nothing in particular where I excelled, no place where I stood out and shined. Everything about me was just plain and simply average.

We had chatted a little, joked and laughed every time I forgot the ten of diamonds were the highest ranking number in the game. Edward joked if it was a drinking game I would be hammered. It was peculiar how neither of us really went for the kill and asked personal questions, but that was where it was so easy to be with Edward. He wasn't disinterested in me, but just skating around the edges of what I didn't want to talk about and instead asking me about my favorite color, music I liked, best holiday, that sort of stuff. I knew he didn't want to elaborate on his part either. It was like a silent agreement between us, but I had a sneaky suspicion it was all linked to his secret.

During the night several moments of pre-kissing silences had arisen, but Edward hadn't acted on a single one of them. But how we had come to snuggle and cuddle like this was beyond me. It was clear as day to me the attraction between us was palpable, but I didn't have the slightest idea how to avoid it or even if I did want to avoid it. However I was sure I could never act on it. I knew Edward was attracted to me, but I wasn't sure he knew it was reciprocated.

I tried to untangle myself from his body, but his head snapped up as he drew a sharp breath. His hair was a disheveled mess as he stared down at me with confused striking green eyes. It made my heart rate spike just by gazing back at him. He seemed to remember his hand and withdrew it from underneath my shirt with a grumpy look on his face and an apology. I shrugged it off, simply for the reason of having no clue what to say about it.

"I made some plans for us today... I hope that's okay. I wasn't sure how mad you were at me so I wanted to make it up to you. Apologize for my irrational behavior yesterday." He sent a shy crooked smile, he was up to something. My body had just stopped aching from our last excursion when swimming around the cliffs. His rather playful smile made me worry a little bit tough.

"What are you up to?" I asked and narrowed my eyes. "Does it have something to do with swimming?"

He was such a strong swimmer - that had been firmly established a few days ago. And I was... not so strong.

"Some." He grinned. Oh great water was involved. I sighed. "Don't worry, it won't be like last time. I swear. I'm not trying to kill you." He put his hand on my shoulder, giving me a little squeeze. I enjoyed these small sentiments, but I knew it wasn't smart; it would only lead to trouble. No matter how good I was feeling these days, I was still broken goods and had a lot of baggage. But Edward knew all this and it was still his decision to spend his time with me. As he had put it, he would leave if he didn't enjoy my company.

"I don't mind being... active. I like that you don't treat me like... like I'm going to break at any moment." I met his eyes.

"Because you won't."

"You don't know that." I challenged, cocking a brow at him.

"Sure I do. If you're going to break, you would have done it by now." He shrugged. "You better get a solid breakfast... you'll need it." He promised.

"Don't I always?" I smirked, thinking how I had eaten like a horse since I had meet Edward

"You do."

"So what are we doing?" I was curious to what I needed a large breakfast for. But also excited at it appeared that we were doing something physical.

"Snorkeling. I know you're not afraid of deep water and we don't have to swim far so I figured it would be fun." He looked pleased at his little surprise. I just smiled; this was going to be fun.

I waited for Edward at Mr. Twong's old truck, with a small back of necessities as he had instructed me to pack. I had been famished when I sat down at the table, but another overload of food had cured that small predicament.

Edward jumped the boot of the truck and landed in front of me with a loud metallic bang. "You ready?" His excitement was poorly concealed. Was it me or was it the trip that did this to him? I wanted to put my money on the excursion, but I was afraid that would be a mistake.

Mr. Twong handed Edward a bag and a parcel when he got to the truck and was followed by an unknown fourth party. The man was fair skinned compared Mr. Twong, but he was introduced as his son. They looked nothing alike.

Mr Twong slammed the engine into gear while I climbed up and settled next to Edward. We drove for about twenty minutes as far as I could tell. We more or less just went around the small piece of jungle to the next cove where there was a small semblance of a town. Mr. Twong took us behind the local houses placed on pillars. He spoke shortly to a very dark and rugged featured Thai man. Apparently he was going to be our captain.

"He will take you to cliffs and another place you want to go. But he doesn't speak English, so you speak with hands... okay?" Mr. Twong nodded encouragingly.

"Okay." Edward seemed absolutely fine by this. I, on the other hand was a little bit more apprehensive about this fact. What if we needed help?

"I'll be back in 5 hours to pick you up... you good?" Mr. Twong spoke English well, but he had a funny accent.

"All good." Edward retorted. He was already mounting the boat we had been taken to. I stared at the thing, not convinced it was able to keep the water out. It was a long wooden thing, and it looked like it had been built before World War II had set in. "It's okay, jump onboard." I felt Edward's enthusiasm was a little callus and stupid. There was no way this boat was taking us anywhere.

I hurled my bag over the side and climbed up, followed by the silent son. I sat down on one of the benches. I still questioned how far this vessel was able to take us, but I was proved wrong, very wrong. The captain, or what ever he was, slowly eased out between the pillars and turned the boat around. As soon as we were clear of the houses, the engine roared to life and we took off flying over the water. It was impossible to talk over the noise from the engine, so we sat in silence, well not silence exactly.

"So what did Mr. Twong give you?" I was finally able to speak after the boat came to a halt. We had stopped at a cluster of lime stone cliff that rose high above the water, in a very dramatic way.

"Equipment and food. Mr. Twong got it." He held up the bag and pointed to the parcel he had placed underneath the bench in as much shade as possible. He pulled out a pair of goggles and swim-feet all rapped in plastic. I was sure they were assigned for me.

"Mr Twong bought this for me?" I asked feeling guilty. They shouldn't spend money on me. I would make them put it on my bill for when I left. Leaving, the word suddenly sent an icy chill trough me. That was something that hadn't occurred to me would happen, and worse, when was Edward leaving? I had no idea. That was a subject that hadn't come up.

"He didn't. I did." Edward interrupted my internal distress.

"Oh... I'll pay you back." I was still affected by the new discovered fact that had snuck its way into my head. This would all end soon.

"That's okay." Edward started unpacking his own stuff from the bag he brought.

"No... really I will."

"I don't want you to." He stopped and stared at me, eyes swimming with emotion. He almost sounded insulted.

"Thanks." I muttered almost inaudible. My heart started sinking into my shoes. I pulled in a deep breath. I was ruining the mood and I wasn't going to sulk. I locked eyes with Edward who was just staring at me. I knew he felt something was off. I faked a smile and tried to continue, but I could shake the thought of him leaving from my mind. It was suddenly devastating and I couldn't bear it.

"So... how are we doing this?" I asked cheerfully, hoping to mask my despair.

"First you need to spit in these." He handed me the goggles.

"Spit?" I stared at him wide eyed.

"Yeah spit and then rub it on the glass, it will stop them from fogging up when we're in the water." I looked for signs that he was pulling a fast one on me. There was no sign, so I did what I was told. I spat in the goggles and started rubbing the saliva around the glass with my index finger. Edward watched me humorously while I acted out his request with some degree of disgust. He took the goggles from me and leaned over the side of the boat and rinsed them in the water. Then he attached the breathing piece to the elastic.

I sat silently watching as we worked smoothly with the gear, giving his goggles the same treatment as I had given mine. I started biting down on my lip, while my hands started to fidget and tighten in a grip around the edge of the bench. I noticed my heart picking up speed, the rhythm increased. I pulled in a deep breath feeling desire rise inside of me again.

Edward leaned over the side again, dipping my swim-feet in the water. "Shorts or no shorts?" He asked softly.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the fogginess. "What?"

"You wanna swim with shorts or no shorts?" He exclaimed, smirking playfully. The undertone wasn't even subtle.

I felt like I was standing with a foot on two different continents and they had started to drift apart. I knew there were lines that needed to be drawn up and soon. I also knew I didn't know what continent to step to, when they had drifted too far apart for me to stand on both. I needed to make a decision about us and I knew I had the power to have it both ways, chose Edward or not chose him.

"Er... shorts." I was stuck. My body was doing things I had buried so long ago. I was not sure how to rail them in; it was the exact same tingling as last night. The need to be touched.

"Okay." Edward was on his knees in front of me. He softly put his hand on my calf, indicating for me to move my foot into the rubber shoe. His hand felt warm and strong as it guided my leg. He repeated the gesture with my other foot. I just sat perfectly still and let him. His touch sparkled a tingling sensation running all the way up to my thighs.

"Take your shirt off." He smirked again his eyes alit with humor. I slowly pulled my t-shirt over my head and literally felt like I was undressing for him and I wasn't ashamed to do it. I wanted to do it. I chewed my lip furiously.

He grabbed the goggles and reached behind my head pulling my hair through the elastic and placed the goggles on my forehead. All of this, he did so carefully while he stared deeply into my eyes as his turned deep, molten and endless. I worked to keep my breathing even and everything was about to ignite between us.

"You're all set." He softly ran his fingers along my jaw line. I knew he did that on purpose. He was testing how I would react. I didn't flinch. "Sit on the side of the boat." He ordered. I couldn't let go of his eyes, it was almost like I was set on fire.

I was woken from my eerie dream by the captain. He dropped something on the floor of the boat that landed with a loud bang. This time I flinched and lost my balance. I started wobbling and all indications pointed to the fact I was going over the side prematurely. Edward caught me by the shoulders. "Steady there. Wait for me please." He chuckled. He yanked his shirt off, revealing that goddamn gorgeous and toned stomach of his and put his own gear on. He sat down next to me. "Pull your goggles down, hold them to your face, and then just fall backwards."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." He repeated and smiled.

We went in at the same time, him elegantly, me not so much. I imagined I looked like a fish flapping around on dry land.

The world we found beneath us was breathtaking. The fish were in every color imaginable. The lime stone cliffs were covered by corals in all shapes, colors and sizes. Underneath the surface was a truly a paradise hidden. We pretended to be part of it for a while.

I watched the captain with scrutinizing eyes. He was taking something from the engine apart and it looked like there was an opened spare container of gasoline or whatever this thing ran on beside him.

"Can I ask you something?" I didn't take my eyes off the captain. Our blind passenger sat stealthily beside him like a stone. He was so still I completely forgot that he was here.

"Sure."

"Is he supposed to be doing that? I mean... with a lit cigarette in his mouth?" The captain was hovering just above the open container.

"I'm sure he knows what he is doing." Edward laughed the contagious laugh and continued unwrapping the food. It still looked a little dangerous to me, like he was asking for having his head blown off.

The day had been perfect in almost every possible way, maybe except from the fact we might blow up in the next few minutes. Other than that... perfect. I still felt a little shook up from the spark between Edward and me before going into the water. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, but the fact was - as far as I knew - he was without ties and unbroken. I was both. I hadn't let go of Jacob and even though I was doing far better, I was still healing.

I thought for a moment, if this was a wise time for drawing up those lines. Maybe I should be sure what continent I would step to before I opened the subject. Edward handed me a sandwich. I absentmindedly took a bite and started chewing.

"Can I ask you something else?" My mouth blurted, before I deliberately had made the decision whether to go into it or not. It was like I was lacking the sensible brain to mouth filter.

"You can ask anything you want." He answered, but I knew that wasn't true by a long shot.

I took a deep breath. "How do you feel about me?" I asked directly. I caught him off guard, his mouth hanging open mid bite. He looked unready to answer, but he thought for a moment.

"Strongly." He answered soberly. He searched my face intensely for my response, but I let nothing slip. I wanted to know how he felt before I took another step.

"How strong?"

He sighed. "I'm not sure."

My heart jolted into overdrive at my next question. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer, but I asked anyway. "Are you in love with me?" I worked like a maniac to keep my face even.

It looked like he stopped breathing for a while. "I could be. I think it's moving in that direction." I was struck by his honesty and the answer I didn't really want to know. "But that would be... complicated - for both of us." A pain flickered across his face, turning his face guarded the way I had seen it before. He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed carefully. "You see... things are not always how they seem. In this little bubble we have here, I might be falling in love with you. You might even have feelings for me. But in the outside word - the real world - I'm sure things would be set very differently." He looked at me, like he hoped I would understand. I blinked and understood just about nothing.

"I have another question." I bit my lip.

"Oh dear." He muttered. He smiled nervously and twitchy and took another bite.

"When are you leaving?" Now that we were on the heavier subjects, I might as well get this one squared away too.

"I don't know." His answer didn't exactly settle me, but it wasn't the kiss if death either. "You?" He countered.

"I don't know. No set date."

"So you're here indefinitely?"

"For the moment." That seemed to please him. It didn't look like he was running off any time soon either and I was safe just a little while longer. I wondered if he was getting ready to turn the guns on me and ask me how I felt about him. I would have no answer to give him. This was going to be difficult. What answer can you give, when you have none? I was so confused and didn't know up from down.

I wanted to break the silence, but I didn't know how. I had received the answers I didn't really want to hear and I had no idea what to say next. The sun was scorching down and the light was intense. It lit up all my indecision... making it impossible for me to hide them. We sat there on the boat, silently eating our food with a goddamn big pink elephant between us.

"I know you don't know how you feel about me and I don't expect you to. I know you are confused." His eyes narrowed in the sharp light, they were still obviously glorious intense green. I was sucked deep into them. "But I need for you to stop worrying, can you do that please? I'll take what I can get for now. Please stop worrying and just take care of yourself." He didn't interrogate me; instead he gave me the answers that evaded me. "Bella, don't think that you're the only one who benefits from this... friendship. Did you ever wonder that maybe I need you to?"

I was tongue tied and didn't answer. These words were the last ones spoken on the subject.

So much changed this afternoon and we had more or less declared ourselves. And where did that leave us? And more importantly what did that change? I didn't know that either, but an idea was bubbling inside of my head. It was reckless and stupid, I knew that, but I couldn't stop it from forming. It was like a new planet taking substance, materials gathering, swirling around each other, mashing into a solid form. The idea was born.

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I truly hoped you enjoyed. And a small teaser for next time, things will get hot and sweaty. Take care

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