Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.

A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire.

AN:

Thank you for all your comments and I have to say I am surprised the faith you have in Edward. Now I am afraid you are going to slaughter Bella… biting my nails.

You finally get to meet Alice. I know some of you have been waiting for that. So here she is, true to form… I think.

The story is taking a sharp turn from here and Bella is going to realize just how much she has changed.

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Chapter Twelve

The last line was all I was able to read. That was the final drop. I didn't need to see anything else. I pushed the chair back roughly and it tumbled to the floor behind me. My feet carried me swiftly to the front desk while tears were running down my face. I was in a raw state of panic. I wiped the tears from my eyes to face Mr. Twong.

He smiled pleasantly at me and I was holding on to everything I could to not let myself fall apart. If I didn't clutch on hard to my final speck of sanity, I would crumple down like walls of an exploding house. How could this be happening?

"Can I help you?" He gazed at me through his narrow Asian eyes. His black eyes were suddenly thick with worry.

"Yes... I'll be leaving today. Now actually." I said with a trembling voice. I did everything I could to push the tears that were coming back, but it was fruitless.

"Okay." He answered carefully. He sounded surprised and was about to open his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"Can you call some transport? I need to get to the city, on a boat and then towards Bangkok." A tear left a moist path down my cheek.

He looked at me suspiciously. "Are you okay Ms. Bella?" He sang in his accent.

"Fine, just bad news from home." I lied. I slowly wiped the tear from my face. "Please get my check ready and I'll be ready in about 15 minutes." I worked hard to keep the panic out of my voice. I snorted. "And can you please find out, when the next boat to the main land leaves?"

"Certainly and I will have things done for you when you come back." Strong suspicion was like granite in his voice. I locked eyes with him and suddenly they were too wise, too knowledgeable. "Mr. Cullen." He said but didn't continue.

I shook my head. "Mr. Cullen is a friend, perfect gentleman." I croaked through the sobs I was fighting. I stared at Mr. Twong for only a second more and I knew he knew. He knew the secret about Edward that I had just learned. I felt betrayed. He had watched us, watched me barely leave Edward's side for the past two weeks and he never thought to bring to my attention I was sleeping with a goddamn rapist. On top of my cesspool of hurt, frustration and devastation, I felt a slight anger rise. He could have fucking told me!

Like a robot I turned and mechanically walked toward the door. When I entered the bright morning sunlight, I bolted. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, a pure reaction to the panic flooding every cell in my body. In a rush I jumped the stairs to the porch. Miscalculating, I never made it to the top; instead I smashed my knee into the top step. I flew swan style over the porch and landed with a hard bump against the porch railing. I screamed when it felt like I had ripped my kneecap off. The instant pain tore through my leg from the collision. Scrambling around the porch to sit up, I took a moment before I dared to assess the damage. I stretched my leg, checking if it was still intact or if I had done serious damage to my knee. It worked, but blood was gushing down my leg like a faucet. The salt and rust smell of the deep thick red liquid made me gag. I hated the sight of blood, even more the smell of it. My stomach churned violently.

I stumbled to my feet, ignoring the burning pain and the smell and went inside to pack my bag. I had a very limited amount of time until he would be back. I had to be gone before that. I tore the few things I had unpacked out of the drawers, stuffing everything into the bag, smashing it together to make it all fit. It felt like forever to get all my stuff together. My knee kept pouring out blood, bleeding profusely and I needed to do something, before I made my room look like a slaughterhouse and I would scare the living daylights out of the cleaning crew.

I fled to the bathroom to do further damage control. I splashed some water on a towel, breathed through my mouth and started cleaning the blood trailing down my shin. The sticky blood made it hard to see how bad the cut was. Finally getting some control it was clear to me it was bad, worse than I thought. I had about a one and a half inch gash across my knee and I really needed stitches. But there was no time and no ER. I dug through my toiletries, remembering I had packed some band aid at some point. I carefully tried to push the edges of the gaping gash together, placing the insufficient pieces of band aid over the wound. I wished I had some gauze or duct tape as that was my father's idea of fixing just about anything. I found a singlet discarded on the bathroom floor and wrapped it tightly around my leg. It was really starting to throb now. But at least, I wouldn't have to see or smell the blood anymore.

I put the rest of my toiletries in the bag. I finished stuffing the last of my belongings in my backpack when I noticed the shirt I had taken from Edward this morning left lonely on the bed. I did not understand what I did next, but I snatched the shirt and stuffed it angrily into my backpack. I had no time to wonder why I didn't just leave the damn thing. I knew it wasn't normal or sane behavior to bring memoirs from a hurtful person, unless you were severely masochistic or completely unhinged. I preferred to think I was neither. But who was I was to judge, I had been oblivious to who Edward was this entire time and what he may or may not have done. He was more right than I ever dreamed when he said his life was complicated and spheres apart from mine. It was like he belonged to a different solar system.

I slammed the door and hauled my backpack to the reception. As I entered the door to the main building a taxi pulled up. Great, transportation was here.

Mr Twong was ready at the counter. "Here's your check and the boat leaves in two hours. I have found a local bus that will take you to Bangkok. You should be there tomorrow morning. Okay?"

"Okay." I murdered while I handed him my credit card.

"Oh... and I wrote the information for boat and bus down." He handed me a slip of with some unreadable scribbling's on it. I waited for a moment while the credit card information was coming through.

There was something wrong. My gut kept telling me something was horribly wrong. I knew what the problem was... Edward! I wasn't even sure if he had run from the police or what had happened, but Mr. Twong knowing about his horrible little secret he would surely have turned Edward in if that was the case. My brain started weaving excuses that would refuse the crap I had read on the internet. Like, maybe it had been someone else, maybe the victim was lying, or maybe Edward had misunderstood her. Maybe... No! There was no excuse for what he had done! He had admitted to me he had done something bad and it could not be taken back. He even said he didn't regret it. He said that more than once. He basically admitted to me that he did this. There was no other way than run.

"Here you go Miss Bella." Mr. Twong interrupted my internal battle.

"What?" I stared at Mr Twong with blank eyes.

"Your receipt. Sign, please."

"Oh, sure." I started signing my name and stared at the letters. Edward had no idea what my real name was. She thought my name was simply Bella Dwyer, I had told him so the day we had officially met and not that my name was Isabella Marie Black. What if he was coming to look for me? Panic ran swiftly through my veins once again. The gut feeling that this was wrong was still there, but if he didn't know my full or truthful name that would make me pretty hard to find. I gazed up at the man in front of me. "Mr. Twong. If Mr. Cullen asks for me, please tell him that I will be back later." He looked at me confused and interrupted me before I could finish.

"When are you coming back?" He asked pleasantly surprised it seemed.

"I'm not. But if he asks, which he will in about twenty minutes, tell him... tell him I cut my knee and had to go get stitches." That wasn't a lie, not that I cared about lying to a rapist. "Also, he thinks my name is Bella Dwyer, so please don't change that. Don't give him my real name. Please." I begged as I continued. I was using half my energy on lying and the other half on maintaining a calm that would make my words understandable.

"Miss Bella, are you sure nothing happened?" He looked at me with that same bone deep, soul reading suspicion again. And maybe he should be this concerned; people like Edward were staying here. I was just about to tell him what I had discovered in the internet, but my instincts told me not to, this time I listened. Instead, I settled for another lie.

"No, nothing. I would just like the situation to stay the way I explained." I slapped an appropriate smile on my face. "Just the bad news from home, that's all."

"Okay." He said clearly not believing a word I just said. But it was none of his business anyway, not really, or was it? I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, looking like a gaping fish. It was like my instinct had stashed my words somewhere I couldn't find them. Maybe I should leave a note for Edward, explaining why I had disappeared like this. Then again, Edward was a smart guy. I was sure when he noticed I was gone, he would figure out the reason.

The taxi honked the horn impatiently. "I have to go." Tears were suddenly formed at the corner of my eyes again.

"Thank you for staying with us. I hope you had a pleasurable time." He smiled reassuringly. "We hope you come back soon." He said gently.

I sighed. A pleasurable time, yes. But coming back, that wasn't likely.

"Thank you, it was lovely. Please say hello to your wife from me." I felt like hugging the man, but in truth I was in a hurry to get the hell out of here.

The driver was leaning against the side of the car when I exited the building, limping. I automatically looked toward Edward's hut at the end of the beach. My heart skipped several beats when I saw him. He had just rounded one of the big cliffs and wasn't far from his place. I quickly helped the driver load my bag into the trunk as he was in absolutely no hurry to get out of here. I slammed the boot furiously, the driver barely getting his hands out. If he had been a fraction of a second slower I would have snapped his fingers of with the ledge. He gave me a nasty glare, which I translated to, 'I have ten fingers and I prefer to keep it that way'. I hurled myself into the back seat, trying to be a little gentler with the car door than I had with the boot. As the car started moving, Edward had passed his own hut and was headed for mine. I hunched forward, leaning over my legs. I did that for two reasons. One: I didn't want Edward to see me. Two: I wanted to prevent myself from hyperventilating again.

The taxi ride was quiet. My mind was working overtime on the aftershock I was trying to prevent. I tried hard to keep my mind on the things at hand, like I needed to do to ensure my ride home as soon as possible. The boat was leaving in two hours and I needed to get to a travel agency, call the airline, and see a doctor. Depending on what flight I could get, I would figure out if I needed to arrange for accommodations in Bangkok.

My knee was really starting to throb and I was afraid it would get infected if I didn't get it cleaned properly. I forced my mind to keep on those subjects and not on Edward.

I managed to get all of the above-mentioned priorities taken care of before stepping onboard the boat. The travel agent had been surprisingly efficient and booked a flight for me tomorrow night. She had hired a young girl to take me to the doctor and lastly to the harbor. The doctor had stitched me up and I didn't dare to look as his handy work. My next problem was I had nothing to do for the next 4 hours other than sail. I had nothing to do to keep my mind off Edward.

The boat ride to the main country seemed to take forever. There were only so many times you could do mental Sudoku, but it worked like a charm, because the numbers kept getting jumbled up and I had to start all over again.

When I got off the boat the plan was pretty simple. I had a 12-hour overnight bus ride to Bangkok and I would arrive early morning. The flight was just after midnight, which meant I had approximately 18 hours to spend in the city. I was on a mission to keep those hours firmly occupied with shopping and sightseeing. A desperate attempt, I knew that, but I needed to push Edward as far from my mind as possible.

Arriving in Bangkok, I was utterly exhausted. I had tried to sleep, but my backside was itching like hell and I felt a stabbing burn in my knee every time I tried to get comfortable. On top of that, Edward was haunting my mind. Images had been pleasure mixed in with nightmares. I had dreamed of the two times we had been intimate. I had seen Edward's face clearly and then it had changed, distorted itself into a faceless monster and then back again. In the dream, he had held me up against the wall just like it had happened, but this time I had asked him to stop and he hadn't. I told him I had changed my mind, but he wouldn't let go of me.

I had woken up covered in sweat and panting. This kept happening all night. All the nice memories were all scrambled up and twisted in with him forcing himself on me. Several times I had tried to stay awake, but my lids continued to get heavy and slip closed and then I drifted into the nightmares.

I walked the streets of Bangkok and several tourist attractions in an odd haze that was made up from sleep deprivation and seeing Edward's face every single time I blinked. The buzzing life of the city and the intense traffic didn't deter me, like it had the first time passing through this insane city. The hours passed in a blur and I arrived at the airport in the last minute. Checked in, then the long route to the gate. There was hardly any time to sit around and wait as I boarded the plane almost immediately.

I fell into my seat. It was probably about forty hours or so hours since I had really slept. I closed my eyes, and was unconscious when the top eye lit hit the bottom eye one.

I got off the plane at JFK, rested and ready to go home. The 12 hour flight had given me a solid sleep and I felt ready to put on a happy face and see Alice and eventually my family. There was only one problem. I had forgotten to let anybody know I was coming home. So I had to meet me or nowhere to stay. I was homeless.

My cell phone had gone out of battery weeks ago and I hadn't bothered to charge it. So I needed to use a payphone. Did those things even exist anymore? I put my heavy loaded backpack on, and made my way through the swamp of people to find the phones.

I fished a few coins from when I left and punched in Alice's number. Beep... Beep... Beep. "This is Alice, leave a message." My heart sank. She would be at work and hard to get a hold of. I hung up the phone again feeling discouraged. I wondered if I should call my mother. No, I was not that desperate, not yet anyway. I tried to Alice again. This time she answered on the second beep.

"Hello." Her familiar chirpy voice sounded. I sighed, feeling relief wash over me.

"Hi Alice. It's me." I waited for the reaction I knew was coming.

"Bella?" She squealed. "I'm so happy you called. How are you? Where are you?" She rushed, one word tumbling over the next one. Not expecting any answers for either question. "Where did you go?" It was silent for a moment and I realized this time she did wait for an answer.

"Thailand."

"And is Thailand treating you well?" She asked all hyper. For a moment I enjoyed the sound of her chipper voice. I hadn't heard it in more than a month and hadn't realized how much I missed her.

"Thailand's been good to me."

"So any plans to return home soon?" Alice asked.

"Yeah... that's actually why I'm calling."

"Uh, I can't wait to see you." Alice said interrupting me excitedly.

"Yeah... listen. I'm actually at JFK as we speak."

"Are you kidding?" She blabbered confused.

"No... I'm at JKF with nowhere to go." I hoped she would pick up my hint.

"You're serious?"

"Yes." I breathed.

"Are you okay?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine and it was time to go home." I lied. "But truth is, I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go."

"Sure you do, come to my place... shit... I have a meeting this afternoon. I can't be home. I'm so sorry." She rushed again.

"Don't be sorry, it's not like you knew I was coming." I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

"Wait... I have an idea. Can you get to my office? I'll leave my key for you at the front desk. You just have to promise to be home when I get there." She was thrilled, even over the phone. This was so Alice.

"I can do that." I promised. The lady on the phone started asking for more money and I was out of quarters. "I'll get the key and I have no phone." I managed to squeeze the words in before the lady cut off the connection.

I went outside to get a cab. I didn't want to bother with the public transportation, though it was much cheaper. I didn't feel like bumping into people with my bag, and seriously, I hadn't showered or changed my clothes in two days. My skin was sticky and grimy and I was sure I smelled less than appetizing. So I wasn't protecting myself from the trouble. I was protecting them.

I went to the office building where Alice worked. Through the last year she had made some influential connection that helped her on the way. She was starting up a new clothing line for the industrial mogul, Aro. I wasn't sure he was entirely legit, but he was a powerful man and had made a lot of things happen for Alice. He owned everything from car dealerships to make-up franchises. Now he was branching into fashion and Alice was his newest protégée, not that she didn't deserve it; but it all seemed to come a little too easy. I just hoped I was never proved wrong.

I saw my reflection in the glass doors, and to say I was mildly embarrassed would be an understatement. My hair was a mess; I had bags under my eyes. I wore inappropriate shorts, for this side of Manhattan anyway, and I had a bandage on my right knee. And, uh yeah, a hell of an itching bum. I was in pristine condition.

I went to the front desk and spoke to the receptionist. She had her perfectly colored hair pulled back in a perfectly straight ponytail, and she smiled with her perfectly glossed lips.

"Has Alice Brandon left a key for me?" I asked, feeling completely inadequate in the quarters of the shiny office.

Unaffected by my ruffled and less than perfect appearance the receptionist answered. "And you are?"

"Oh... Bella Black." I smiled, surprised by how easily my name floated from my mouth, my married last name. Before I left for Thailand, I hadn't been able to say it.

"Yes, here you go, Miss." She handed me an envelope with my name on it.

"Thanks." I took the envelope and started at Alice's familiar childish handwriting. It was impressive she could draw, when she wrote like a seven year old.

I left the building and found another cab. I gave the driver the address and sat back in the back seat as the familiar streets of New York rushed past the windows. I was home.

I spotted Alice had left a note for me, when I fished out the key to unlock the door.

I can't wait to see you. I'm so happy you're home.

In Alice's apartment her familiar smell wafted past my nose. I put my bags down and just looked around; enjoying the silence for a moment, though nothing was ever really silent in New York. There was always the hum of the city present.

I helped myself to a shower and the spray of the hot water felt unbelievable good. I lingered obscenely long, allowing just a few simple memories of Edward filter through. His lopsided grin, his gentle nature, were the once I relished. The more I allowed myself to think about him, the less sense it made he would ever hurt a woman in such a primal and destructive way of taking her body without her consent. He would never do such a thing, I was sure of it. But there was nothing I could do now. I had left him behind and the fling we had was over now.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I really needed to make a trip to a pharmacy for two reasons. My knee and my butt. I had taken the bandage off my knee to shower. I had seven stitches and my skin was blue from mid-thigh to mid-shin and it was swollen to about double size. It looked worse than it actually felt, but I was worried it looked a little infected. My butt was still lumpy from all the mosquito bites and it was hard not to go around and scratch my ass all the time.

I fished through my bag hoping to find some clean clothes. Also I needed some serious one on one time with my toothbrush. Sure, I had use the crappy one on the plane, but right now it felt like my teeth had grown fur.

I started pulling clothes out of the bag and then I remembered I had taken Edward's T-shirt with me. I pulled it out of the bag. My hands pushed the fabric against my face and nose, and I breathed in deeply into the shirt. His vigorous smell still clung to the fabric and filled my nose with his delicious smell. I pulled in another breath of him. I decided then and there I was not going to be affected by him anymore. I would not let what happened between us control my life as I had let Jacob's death control me. I would keep us a secret and get on with my life. I put his shirt on the floor with the rest of my dirty clothes. I yanked out more of my clothes, there had to be something clean somewhere. I discovered yet another shirt I had stolen of his. Ah man, it was going to be hard to put him behind me, if I kept pulling his belongings out of my bag. Dammit! I dropped the second shirt on the floor and made it blend in. I did a mental check, making sure there were no other surprises waiting to unfold themselves.

I was in the bathroom trying to tame my hair, when I suddenly realized how long it was. It trailed far down my back. But that was logical when I hadn't cut it in more than a year. I yelped when I was surprised by Alice's sudden outburst. "Oh my god." Alice squeaked from the door. I hadn't heard her come in.

"I'm so happy to see you to." I said into her hair as she halfway attacked me with a hug. Her thin arms were tight around my neck like a bear hug, even though she was twenty pounds and three inches shorter than me. Well maybe not twenty pounds, more like five pounds these days.

"How are you?" She asked, studying my face.

"I'm good... really good actually." I said. I wasn't lying apart from the unsolved Edward situation, which she didn't know about. But comparing to the state I left the states in I was far better. I wasn't lost in the dense fog of my grieving anymore. My mind was rather clear and functional again. I just needed to put Edward out of my mind for good. In a few days and that would be done too. Whether or not it was true what Edward had done, he had never hurt me, he had been my salvation. It was an impasse, I knew that, but it was true nonetheless.

"You look better, a little skinny, but better and you have a tan... so perfect for the summer." I rolled my eyes at her. It was typical of Alice being semi practical when it came to inconsequential matters.

"Thanks... I think." I grinned at her. I hugged her again. I was so glad to see her.

We spent the rest of the evening talking and going over my trip, what I had done with my time, and how I had dealt with all my memories. I told her about how I had sorted through my life with Jacob and had filed everything into my mental boxes. I was a little vague to how I had made the last two weeks pass. I had made the excuse I'd come home because I was better and bored. I was better, but definitely not bored.

I called my mother the next day. I figured that it was best to get her out of my dad's hair. I hadn't had the time to take care of it in the midst of all my running and screaming. I needed to buy some more time from her. Yes, I was far better than I had been in a long while, but I wasn't ready to deal with her or any of her inconsequential questions. So I lied convincingly enough and told her I was still in Thailand and soaking up the sun. I couldn't be bothered with her right now.

ooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

Now, show me some love lovelies. I can only be as good as you help me to be.

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