Chapter 3:
Blaine was shocked.
He was so taken aback, in fact, that all he seemed to be able to do was stand there staring at the young man in his spot, mouth gaping.
He was shocked for two reasons. Firstly, Blaine was so reluctant to believe there could actually be anyone at his special park so late at night that all coherent thought left him. What could someone who wasn't himself possibly be doing there, and so late too?
Secondly, those eyes. Illuminated by the flashlight, the boy opposite him had eyes that were deep bright blue with flecks of green and gold. He felt like he could drown in those eyes. Blaine's initial reaction was flight – turn around, excuse yourself and get out of here. Run, run, run – He just couldn't be around people right now. What would he even say? "Hi I'm Blaine, I just came out to my parents and I'm ready to shoot the next kitten that crawls up beside me." No, that didn't sound very polite.
He was uneasy because this was the first person who he would interact with since confessing that he was gay. Unfortunately, his mouth had a mind of its own and spoke before he could really think about it-
"Hi. Uh, I'm sorry to interrupt you." Unable to tear his own amber eyes away from the other boys, he continued, "I don't usually see people here. I, um... I'll just be on my way." Blaine awkwardly stuttered his way through trying to will his body to turn around, captivated by the other boy's eyes.
It wasn't until he was about to turn away, finally giving into his flight response when he noticed that there were tears streaking down the boy's face. Something in Blaine's heart dropped a bit at the sight. Upset as he was, he couldn't walk away from this guy.
"I know I don't know you at all or anything, but, um, I'm Blaine." He stuck out his hand for the boy to shake but the boy just sat up, watching his outstretched hand,
"Kurt."
Blaine was still feeling awkward just standing, "do you mind if I sit?" The other boy, Kurt, he reminded himself, shook his head and Blaine sat, with his butt propped up on the ledge and his feet in the lower portion of the grass. He put his iPod on the grass to his right, closest to Kurt and began pulling at the grass in front of him with cold fingers before deciding what to say next.
"Sorry to be intrusive, but are you okay? Usually this park is where I take refuge from the shitty things that happen in my life." He paused, unsure of why he was so concerned.
Kurt exhaled. Taking a deep breath he began, "you aren't being intrusive, you're being kind. Although I shouldn't get used to it I suppose." A self-depreciating smirk curled its way onto Kurt's lips, "not many people stick around once they get to know me, so you probably shouldn't get too comfortable." Seeing the confusion spreading across Blaine's face, the bitter smirk fell from his lips as he continued, "I'm just having a hard time at school and wanted to be somewhere quiet. It's nice here." He inhaled softly and sniffled a bit.
"Well I'm no Dr. Phil, but maybe I could help you out?" Blaine tried to fill his voice with as much encouragement as possible without sounding too overeager. Blaine saw a look of calculation take over Kurt's face, as if considering him.
"Have you ever met anyone gay before?"
Well that was unexpected. The surprise on Blaine's face must have been obvious from the look Kurt had given him, so he rushed to respond,
"Um, no. No, I haven't..." Blaine looked down at his hands, reminded of his recent conversation with his parents. From the corner of his eyes he saw Kurt look down as well. He continued "other than myself I guess." Kurt looked up at this admission, eyebrows drawn.
"You're-" But Blaine cut him off before he could finish.
"Yes, and if you have anything to say about it I really don't want to hear it. I've heard enough of it from my parents." Resentment flashed through Blaine's features, startling Kurt slightly "It's a choice; it's gross. I get it. I think I'll just be getting on my way. Sorry to disturb you." This wound was too fresh, why the hell did he just tell some complete stranger his biggest insecurity. He knew staying was a dumb idea. He began to stand up but when he reached out to take his iPod from where it sat between him and Kurt, he felt Kurt's hand, soft from the cold, stop his.
"I've been told the same things." He rushed, not wanting to be misunderstood, "I'm gay too, and trust me, it hasn't been a fairytale." Ice blue eyes, still shimmering from the spilt tears, locked on intense amber. A warm rush of relief ran through Blaine starting at the hand that was still being held by Kurt. Blaine's eyes flicked over to their clasped hands and Kurt immediately pulled away.
"Oh, shit. Sorry." Blaine bit his lip wondering if he should explain. Sighing, he figured they'd already shared this much,"I just came out to my parents, like, 10 minutes ago. So I guess I'm a bit… oversensitive." He enunciated the last word.
"I take it didn't go well." Kurt said kindly while scrubbing at his face to rid of the tear tracks. There they were- those piercing blue eyes again. Blaine could just make out the color through the flashlight that was pointing upward between the two from the bottom of the dip. From what he could tell they were darker around the outside, just about the color of the sea. The closer to the pupil, the more colors there were. Illuminated by the light he could make out crimson, silver, copper and sea green. One was just slightly more open than the other, something that happens to Blaine when he's really tired.
As Blaine mulled over the past few minutes in his head, he kept his eyes locked on the boy's across from him. He felt like he could talk to him about anything and he would understand. So he did. He told him.
He told him about his parents and the disappointment etched into their features. The way they sat there unmoving as though if they didn't acknowledge it- acknowledge him- and who he was (not who he 'chose' to be, because no, no matter how much they insisted, he wouldn't choose to be someone they didn't outright approve of). He told Kurt about how all this had made him angry and that's why he was out here in the cold instead of in the safety and warmth of his home. Once he started he couldn't stop. He told how his parents were hardly ever home and how he's always felt this empty bit in his chest. He told him how he always searched for love- whether it be friendship or more- and was always rejected by his parent's restrictions. This went on for quite a while.
Apart from the occasional gasp of "oh god" and the nodding of his head in all the right places, Kurt remained completely motionless and silent, listening intently. His features reacted on queue during Blaine's story and Blaine found himself subconsciously wishing he could see Kurt's face fully.
The soft light emitted from the flashlight danced along Kurt's eyes. He couldn't help it. He was captivated by Kurt's eyes. Finally Blaine's story came to a close and for some odd reason he felt much calmer. Perhaps it was Kurt's comforting presence or the fact that Blaine was never one to hold a grudge, maybe it was just that in Kurt he'd found someone he could talk to, but he no longer wanted to swallow a pitcher of gasoline and walk into a furnace.
"I'm so sorry Blaine. That couldn't have been easy. I understand fully how much it sucks to come out." Kurt spoke matter-of-factly. He nodded to Blaine who could have sworn his eyes were changing from deep blue to sky blue to blue with green and gold. He had lost track when Kurt began to speak.
"Was it like this for you?" Blaine wasn't sure if this was too personal to ask since he had only just met him not long ago, but he figured if he was pouring everything about himself out into this small patch of grass between them, Kurt could do the same.
Kurt smiled at this, as though thinking back on a fond memory, which just confused Blaine more but reassured him that asking wasn't a problem. He told Blaine everything. He spoke of some cheerleader named Brittany, root beer chap stick and John Mellencamp.
Blaine tried to listen and react as intently as Kurt did for him, but he kept finding himself distracted by wanting to explore Kurt's appearance. His hair was gently coiffed and from what Blaine could tell it was a light, chestnut brown. His eyelashes curled around his perfect eyes framing them and casting shadows along his eyelids. Blaine worked his eyes upward to his eyebrows from which Blaine could tell were expertly crafted. Blaine thought about his own eyebrows, greatly resembling an isosceles triangle. Feeling a bit self-conscious, he allowed his eyes to drift down to his lap. Kurt continued with his story admitting to having a crush on the quarterback of the football team as Blaine's thoughts allowed his other senses to explore.
Kurt's voice was as soothing as the sound of waves crashing or the smell of freshly cut grass. Blaine decided with a small smile to himself that it was his favorite thing about Kurt thus far. He felt serene sitting here with Kurt. There was a kind of calmness that he never felt at his own home. Blaine zoned back into his story at the very end. Although listening the whole time, Blaine particularly focused in on this last part and felt a pang of jealousy.
"My dad has been nothing but great to me. He's everything to me; he helps me get through." He scrunched his lips together and sniffled once more.
"Wow, he sounds like a fantastic man Kurt, you're lucky." Blaine nodded while locking eyes with Kurt. "I assume your mother feels the same way?"
Kurt sharply inhaled. "Um, I like to think she would" he nodded, eyes downcast to look at his hands, which had just pulled out a clump of grass, "but she died when I was eight."
"Well I feel like an ass. I'm so, so sorry Kurt." Blaine didn't know what to say after that. All he knew was that he wanted Kurt to never stop speaking. His wishes were granted when the soft melody filled the air again.
"It's been a while, and my dad remarried so I'm okay. I still sneak into his room to smell her old drawers sometimes though." He smiled fondly "They smell like her perfume, so when I miss her, it feels like she's there with me." Suddenly, everything seemed intimate.
"What brings you here tonight of all nights? If I'm overstepping just let me know, but I'm pretty sure I overstepped that elusive line a while ago." Blaine smiled and looked back up at the boy opposite him.
"It's just usually I'm okay with people in my school being jerks but" he paused, looking down and sighing. Taking a deep breath and looking back up he continued, "there's this one guy who has made it his mission to make my life a living hell. And no one seems to notice." His voice cracked slightly, biting back tears, his eyes shimmering again and going back to a deep blue.
"I'm in my school's glee club. I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's basically in the contract to get a slushy to the face once a week." At this point, the tears were threatening to fall, his voice cracking every few words. He took a few deep breaths to try and compose himself, "However, the rude names and getting pushed into lockers isn't.
"His name is Dave Karofsky. He's been giving me nothing but crap and I'm so sick of it but I just don't know what to do. None of the teachers listen, and my friends can't really do anything considering Karofsky is the size of a refrigerator." He pulls out a piece of grass and examines it, anger and confusion lacing his features.
"I don't know this guy and I don't really know you that well, but to me, it sounds like you're stronger than him, Kurt. Emotionally, at least." Blaine spoke, concern clear in his voice. "Talk to him, confront him, call him out- anything." Blaine lowers his head, attempting to catch Kurt's gaze and succeeding after a moment. "If he's using the physical approach then use the verbal. I'm really sorry that's happening to you Kurt, it sounds awful." He means it; he was never physically abused before.
"Thanks." He clears his throat, scrubbing at his eyes again with the back of his palms. "I feel bad I can't help you with your parents. I'm really sorry too, Blaine." A small smile curved at his lips. "Look at us, we are so messed up!" He started outright laughing and suddenly Blaine is laughing with him, doubling over and ending up on their backs in the cool grass.
Their conversation continued fluidly and time seemed to stand still. Both boys offered the other of random titbits of their respective lives; slowly breaking down each of their walls and becoming very well acquainted, letting the other in. They both became very animated in their stories- hands flying everywhere, eyebrows shooting up and creating voices assigned to each character in the story.
A pause left them to their thoughts for a long moment, leaving them in a comfortable silence. Blaine was the one to break it.
"I'm glad I met you today, Kurt." Blaine looked right into his eyes once more.
"Me too." Their eyes lingered on one another for a moment. "But I should probably head out, it's a 10 minute car ride but my dad won't like me being home so late. He thinks I'm at a friend's house. Do you want a ride back, do you live close?"
Blaine's surprise at the offer left him stuttering, "I um, well, y-yeah, I'm just- right. Sorry." He took a moment to compose himself. "I live around the corner, but a ride sounds great. It's pretty cold."
They both stood and Kurt gathered his things. A vogue magazine, a blanket and his jacket were picked up off the floor and held in his arms. It was a quick walk. Blaine was so lost in his anger earlier that he didn't even notice what kind of car it was.
He opened the passenger door to Kurt's sedan and buckled his seat belt. As Kurt turned the ignition, the radio, which turned on immediately once the car started, began to play. Blaine recognized the song immediately but was surprised to hear it playing on the radio at all. Really, the radio is too often filled with the latest pop song about getting drunk and getting laid.
Were you named for the river that surrounds
All my biggest my mistakes or the way that I made it out
All the muscles in my mouth never smiled or said profound things
Until the day she handed you to me
Blaine settled himself and Kurt pulled away from the park, neither boy speaking, seated in a companionable silence. They allowed the piano first to surround them. The trumpet began to play and a steady beat continued.
Now for all the steps you'll take and all you'll overcome
I wanna be the one to put in a song
Take every single tear for all the world to hear
I wanna be the one to put it in a song
Blaine smiled because he was just realizing now how much he loved this song. He started tapping his fingers on his knee. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kurt smiling and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as well.
Cigarettes are raining hard on the Upper East Side
She brings me a cake we celebrate I have arrived
And I know that it's been sang before but you're my human holiday
He loved that line. Human holiday. He hoped that one day he would find a person that can be that for him- a person that he can just take a vacation from life to; someone who allows him to either forget all of his troubles for a little while, or someone who is willing to stick with him through his troubles. In thinking this, he also decides that he wants to be this figure for someone else- allow them to confide in him and trust him. He takes another look out of the corner of his eye to Kurt. He feels a bit of a flutter in his chest.
I put my hands to the table and dare say the love of my life
And your brother with his best friend
Shares a name I'm gonna need
Really couldn't bring me down
For everything you lost and all you overcome
I wanna be the one to put it in a song
Take every single tear for all the world to hear
I wanna be the one to put it in a song and make it last forever
By now an accordion was playing and they were about to drive up Blaine's driveway all too soon. He had a long driveway, however so figured the whole song would be able to play by the time they reached the top.
Clever comes in truth when truth begets the past
Its sends its call out to the moon
And the moon can see the beauty that surrounds your heart as it pounds
It starts the beat inspiring me until I make the sound
I wanna be the one, I wanna be one, I wanna be the one
For everything you lost and all you overcome
I wanna be the one to put it in a song
Take every single tear for all the world to hear
I wanna be the one to put it in a song
Ba b aba b aba ba dada da da b aba ba dum bum
He was right. The soft onomatopoetic rhythms brought the song to a close just as the car stopped outside Blaine's front door. Blaine looked at the dashboard to see what time it was only to see that the radio wasn't playing at all. It was Kurt's iPod hooked up to the speakers in his car.
Instead of getting out of the car Blaine turned to Kurt.
"You know this band? I thought I was the only one!" Blaine said dumbly.
"Just because I'm gay and in a glee club doesn't mean I only listen to Broadway tunes!" He said this with confidence but blushed as the next song started with 'something has changed within me', and quickly skipped to the next song.
"No I've just never met someone else who listens to this kind of music." Blaine smiled at Kurt's smile and, yeah, okay. Now that he had a better view he decided that Kurt was most definitely gorgeous. His hairline was brought to a deep curve at the top of his forehead. His lips were the color of cherries and Blaine had to stop himself from wondering if they'd taste the same. Sighing, Blaine thanked Kurt for the ride and got out. Before he closed the door he heard Kurt shout-
"Wait!" Blaine turned back into the window to look at Kurt, smiling and, indeed, waiting for him to continue.
"Do you want to maybe meet again at the park tomorrow?" Kurt asked, wide eyed and hopeful. "I don't feel like spending all Saturday inside my house."
Blaine answered without hesitation, "That sounds great! See you tomorrow, Kurt."
Blaine walked into his house with a smile on his face for the first time in months. Until he remembered what had happened in this house merely an hour before. He wasn't sure why, but he expected his parents to still be at the dining room table waiting for Blaine to get back and scold him about why it's not okay to just leave the house. But alas, no such luck.
They were nowhere to be found. He went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator as his stomach grumbled. He reheated some old chicken and sat to eat it. As he ate, memories of his night at the park weaved through his thoughts. He jogged back upstairs without interruption from his parents, changed into pajamas, brushed his teeth and climbed into bed.
Making himself comfortable, he decided that he didn't need to listen to his iPod tonight. For the first time in what felt like years, he didn't need to escape to music in order to escape his daily hardships. He fell asleep to the memory of a glorious evening with Kurt and those damned, beautiful blue eyes.
A/N: Again, thanks so much for reading! Reviews are welcome :). I'd like to thank bibliophile534 again for being an incredible beta! The song used is I Wanna Be The One by Fun. Although you don't need to listen to these songs in order to enjoy the story, I would suggest checking out a few seconds of them just so you can get a feel for what the characters are experiencing.