Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.

A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire.

AN:

Thank you for your thoughtful reviews and for adding me to your alerts. It is so nice to hear what you think.

Please remember to check out Four Weeks if you are interested in Jasper's story. It will explain a lot… I think.

Now Bella… and her life.

Enjoy.

oooooOOOOooooo

Chapter 19

In the blink of an eye the world around me had changed. I was a mother. I changed my name back to Swan. Jasper lost herself to depression. Alice was managing a rather successful business. Emmett was becoming my best friend, though I feared perhaps it was more for him. The one thing that didn't change was the fact that I was a coward. A big fat coward that didn't dare to let the father of my child know that he had a beautiful daughter.

The suitable time allotted for telling Edward about Elizabeth after I gave birth to her had surpassed by months. I always thought it would hard to tell him, but now it just seemed impossible. Elizabeth was almost six months old.

She looked so much like Edward it was startling. She had the same unruly bronze hair, only hers was slightly curly and growing at an outrageous speed. She had the same deep green intelligent eyes as him. Her general features belonged to me though.

At times it was hard to watch her, other times it was a blessing just to gaze at her when she slept. There was so much of Edward in her. Most of all, I just had this unconditional love for her that seemed to be endless. No matter how tired, irritated or sad I was, I still adored her.

Edward. I couldn't let him go. Every time I thought about him my heart started racing and I knew my feelings for him were far from dead. I still clung to my idiotic dream that maybe, just maybe he would want me. Some day.

Over the months I had lost a friend. Jasper. She was nothing but a shadow of the smiling, considerate, I love my Alice, girl. When I first saw her after she came home from the hospital memories of the accusations towards Edward sprang to mind. Staring at her beaten and bruised face the morning after she was raped, I knew with a refreshed certainty that Edward, the man that I loved, could never ever harm a woman like that.

Alice and Jasper had left to spend time with her family after her attack and stayed for about a week. When they got home, the emptiness in Jasper's eyes was startling. She looked so tired, so scared and so haunted. Alice tended to her every need, but she too was pushed out of the way. They never touched, hugged or even kissed each other anymore. Alice always had her brave face on, almost like smiling was a nervous twitch for her, perhaps that was to cover up her own desolation. I wondered how much longer she would let Jasper deteriorate before she finally did something to stop it.

Emmett was a big part of mine and Elizabeth's life. I doubted many 'real' fathers were as involved in their kid's lives as he was in my daughter's. He was here many nights, helping me out without being asked. He just blended in like a part of the family. I feared that maybe he was trying to push us into a different label than just being friends. That was where I was mildly concerned. What if he wanted us to be more?

oooooOOOOooooo

The heavy trot of Emmett's feet could be heard basically from the front door. I was finishing the dishes after dinner and knew by instinct that within five seconds I would hear the door close to Jasper and Alice's room. Jasper used to hang out with her brother all the time, but not anymore. She was shying away from everything and everyone.

The door slammed and Emmett hollered from the hall when he was kicking off his shoes. Elizabeth bounced giddy up and down in her high chair. Fun had arrived.

"Hey Bells." He bent down and kissed my cheek. Just as I suspected I heard the door close, Jasper had vanished. Emmett sighed, he had heard it too. "I'm so sick of this shit." He was about to stomp off to her room when I caught his arm.

"Just give her some space, Emmett. Trust me, yelling at her won't help."

"I never see her. She never calls or returns mine when I try to reach her. I hardly remember what the fuck she looks like."

"I know." I sighed and glanced over my shoulder to the closed door. I didn't want to argue. "Let me just get Elizabeth to bed and we can watch a movie."

"Sure." He smiled hugely and snapped out of his dreary mood. He picked up a heavy shopping bag. I remembered telling him to bring a snack.

"Seriously, did you clean out the entire convenient store? There's enough junk in there to feed a small village."

"I'm a growing boy," he grinned. "Any leftovers?" I nodded and pointed to the fridge.

"Help yourself." There was plenty of food, because once more Jasper had hardly put anything on her plate, let alone taken a single bite. She just pushed the food around with her fork, staring at it somberly. Though, I didn't have the heart to tell Emmett that.

He quickly finished the food right out of the container, before he snatched Elizabeth from her chair and ventured into the bathroom with her. I finished the rest of the dishes as he was making Elizabeth scream with laughter probably getting her ready for bed. There basically wasn't a more wonderful sound in the world than to hear her laugh.

After Elizabeth had dozed off on Emmett's chest on the couch, I shoved the DVD in the recorder and settled next to him. I tried to follow the movie, but it was basically just a random series of ridiculously embarrassing fuck ups. It was really stupid.

Emmett didn't seem to pay attention to it either. "Can I ask you something?" He looked at me a little wide eyed.

"Sure," I retorted absentminded.

"How do you feel about me?" Emmett looked at me seriously and even a little nervous. He was usually never sober or considerate during conversation.

"I adore you," I answered too sweetly and sardonically, basically to cover up my trepidation. Did I want to have this talk?

Emmett rolled his eyes at me. "I'm serious."

"Really?" I looked at him completely unconvinced and quiet suspiciously. It wouldn't be the first time he made a joke at my expense and I was trying not to fall for it every time.

"Yes. Do you like me?" He asked again and his expression didn't change.

"Are you asking if I like you like you?" I asked dreadfully and bit down on my lip. So this was the conversation I would avoid at almost any cost. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I didn't want to lose another friend. We spent a lot of time together, but I didn't need the complication of unrequited romantic ideas. My heart belonged to someone else, no matter how grateful I was for all his help.

"Yes." He didn't even blink.

"No... I don't," I answered carefully as I returned his grave stare.

"Okay."

"Why are you asking?" I prodded, hoping he would reveal his ulterior motive. Internally I begged he wasn't trying to tell me he had feelings for me.

"It's nothing." He shrugged.

"Emmett… why are you asking?"

"I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I was afraid that you did have those kinds of feelings for me," he said kindly, sort of understandingly. He really wasn't out to hurt me.

"Afraid how? Are you telling me you're gay too?" I narrowed my eyes playfully at him, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Fuck no." He whined and showed my shoulder. That would leave a bruise. "Trust me I like pussy." I cringed and groaned loudly at his choice of words. I hated when he was so blatant. "Bella, I love you, I really do, but I love you the same way I love my sister." He looked at me sincerely all of a sudden.

"You love me like a sister." I stated, horrified, but also relieved with this rather awkward conversation. That kind of love I could accept.

"Yes, that what I'm trying to say. But Alice on the other hand..." I smacked his chest before he could finish that sentence. I really didn't need to hear anything else. Though I was glad the air was cleared.

"You're disgusting." I complained.

"You think I'm charming." He grinned and put his hand around me. I leaned gently to his side.

"It's still Edward." I glanced up at him hoping he would make a joke of how I felt.

"It's okay, sweetheart." He comforted gently and kissed my temple. I realized he understood me. I snuggled a little closer for comfort and watched the rest of the movie. On the inside I was thrilled that this little matter was settled. I no longer had to worry about Emmett having feelings that I wouldn't be able to return. I was relieved I didn't have to be scared that I was going to jeopardize our friendship somewhere down the road.

A few days later I sat in Eric's office slightly confused to why I was here. I waited as he was out dealing with a costumer. His slow heavy footsteps came into the room and he huffed heavily as he moved. "So the reason I called you here, Bella, is because I'm closing up shop," he said as he sat down behind his desk.

I gaped at him. "You're firing me?"

Eric drew a handkerchief across his sweaty forehead and looked at me dismally. "No, I'm selling this place. Business isn't good, nor is my health." I nodded understandingly. Eric was obese, no doubt about it. He could easily loose two hundred pounds and there would still be a lot of him. "I'm sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, but I can get a good price for the store and retire comfortably. So that is what I have decided to do. I want to tell you I appreciate all that you have done for me over the years. You've been a good employee, exemplary."

"I understand. I'm just sad to see this place go." I glanced around his disorganized and crowded office. I had worked here for almost four years, and I had no intention to go work anywhere else. I loved this place and all that it was. It was like a second home. "Have you put it on the market yet?" I asked quietly. An infinite sadness washed over me.

"No, I wanted to tell you first. Your maternity leave is ending soon, so I didn't want to string you along like a fool. I am putting it up for sale by the end of the month. I wanted to give you the time to find another job."

I evaluated quietly about what he said. "I don't want another job, I wanna buy it." I blurted, before I even had time to think this thorough. What was I getting myself into now?

Eric's brows shot up at lightning speed. "Bella, I don't mean to be rude, but you can hardly afford it," he said apologetically.

"I think I can make it work. I have some savings from when I sold Jacob's and my house and his life insurance. I think there is a chance."

"Do you really want to make that kind of a commitment? I mean, you're a single mom. Do you need the strain and hassle that comes with running a place like this? You're young, you should enjoy your life."

"This place is a part of my life, Eric. You know that."

"Have it your way. I would rather sell it to you, than someone who will tear the place down to put in another designer boutique." He smiled meekly. "Find out what you can come up with and we will go from there, okay?"

"Thanks, Eric. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"I'm sure, Bella."

I strolled slowly between all the old book shelves and my mind reeled with sudden new dreams. What I could do with this place. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I wanted to keep the heart and soul of it, but update the layout. I inhaled the faint smell of print and paper, smiling to myself. This would all be mine soon.

At home I threw myself into researching how the hell to buy a business. I found out I needed to make a business proposal to the bank to obtain a loan. Eric was right, I hardly had the cash for the whole thing, but surely the bank would grant me a mortgage for the money that I needed. I had more than enough for the downpayment.

Over the days Alice helped me put it together. Jasper sat beside us and stared into nothing, like she always did. It was like she wasn't even here anymore. I wasn't sure how much Alice took notice of it, but to me it was alarming. I had tried to open the subject, but Alice adamantly refused to discuss it, saying Jasper just needed a little more time to snap out of it. I was worried. It had been months.

After two weeks of, studying, researching, planning, calling contractors, getting offers for renovations I was armed with a proposal that I sent off to the bank. Now I just had to wait for them to look at it. It took less than a week. I sat down in the richly upholstered chair and tried not to hyperventilate or flush scarlet for my meeting with the bank.

"Ms. Swan." A man called.

I looked up at the sharply dressed banker. "Yes."

"I am Mr. Tanner." He sat down and arranged some papers in front of him. It was the papers I had sent him. "I had the pleasure of reviewing your business proposal and the purchase of Eric's Bookstore." He smiled falsely. I thought he sounded a little condescending when saying pleasure. I frowned.

"And…" I prodded.

"Ms. Swan, I am afraid that we can't help you." My heart plummeted to my shoes. Correct that, Jasper's borrowed heels.

"Why not?" I asked feebly, trying to reel in my disappointment. How could that be? I was so sure this would be a home run.

"The place isn't making a profit as it is now and what you have in mind for updates and renovations, my colleagues and I just don't believe to be enough to sustain a profit in the near future. We don't believe the bookstore will be a success. I think you need to take into account that most of what you are offering is easily accessible on the internet and for a fairly lower price."

"I see." I mumbled and started down at my knotted fingers. "People still read. And it's not just a bookstore I want to create. I want it to be more than that. I want people to be able to sit and read, feel comfortable and learn, perhaps have a bit of solitude if they want."

"That is all very noble of you Ms. Swan, but the market just isn't the same anymore. As I said firstly, we don't believe you will be able to turn out a profit. Lastly that piece of property is quite valuable and somewhat out of your price range."

"I know that. I have enough for the downpayment and then some." I tried to argue halfheartedly, knowing I already lost. I was so sure this would work.

"I understand that, but how will you be able to pay mortgage, interest rates and insurance if you are unable to turn a profit?" Mr. Tanner gazed at me contemptuously and childishly I wanted to make a face at him.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Tanner." I cut in, not needing to hear anything else, or to be trampled all over.

"You're welcome, Ms. Swan."

Outside in the street, I let a few tears fall, before I composed myself. I rolled the printed proposal up that I had snatched up from Mr. Tanner's desk in my hurry to get out. I shoved it under my arm and set off for Alice's office. I needed a shoulder to cry on and not do this in public.

Her desk was cluttered with sketches and a few pimple faced boys were sweet talking her trying to offer her lunch. One of them won, looking like his master just supplied the treat of the day.

"Bella," she gushed and her eyes were alit with expectations. "How did it go?" She knew my meeting was today.

"It didn't. They wouldn't even consider it. They basically said it was a failure from the get go." I threw the proposal on her desk, letting it blend in with all the other junk accumulating on the table.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." She offered a comforting hug and I leaned into her arms.

"I guess I got to look for a new job instead."

oooooOOOOooooo

During the last few days of my leave, I tried to muster up the courage to tell Eric that my plan had failed. I was just too saddened to do it. It was too final. Emmett came over trying to cheer me up. It helped a bit.

He grumbled as usual when Jasper vanished like a quiet breeze as soon as he was in the door. She didn't even bother to stay and pretend to eat something. She just left.

"So I have this thing for you, but in return you have to do something for me." Alice stared at me with a look that was in between compassionate and someone plotting something highly conspiratorial. We were in the middle of having a dinner and something seemed off.

"What?" I asked puzzled. I placed my fork at the side of my plate carefully. My gut told me I wasn't going to like what was coming. Not one bit. Alice said nothing for a moment and I hated the silence. "What is it?" I asked again.

"I have an offer for you, but first you have to promise that you will do something for me in return." She gave me the same conflicting look, like she was about to stick her hand into a wasps nest just to prove a point.

"You do... what kind of offer?" I asked slightly intrigued.

"First you need to promise you will do what I ask." Alice continued unflinchingly.

"Tell me what you want, and then maybe I'll promise." I glanced at Emmett briefly wondering why he was so quiet. He was never quiet, him and Alice normally bantered like there was no tomorrow. I realized he knew what Alice was about to say. He was never quiet when a good argument was brewing. "Emmett?" I asked sternly.

"Just hear her out, Bella."

Alice swallowed noisily from across the table. "I took your proposal to Aro. He agreed to lend you the money for the bookstore and be a silent partner. Sort of the same deal he offered me when I started my clothing line."

"So what's the catch?" I narrowed my eyes at her, knowing full well there was one.

"Bella, Aro's offer only stands if you agree to tell Edward about Elizabeth." Alice spoke firmly with no indications that she wanted to negotiate her terms.

I all but chocked on my tongue. "Are you serious?" I spat angrily. We had been over this time and time again. I had made it perfectly clear that this was my decision and only mine. I threw a look at Emmett, who peered back at me soberly. "You're in on this?" I felt disappointed and betrayed. How could they do this to me? Waving something in front of my nose, just far enough for it to be out of my reach.

"Bella, Alice makes a lot of sense. Edward should know about his daughter," Emmett said with concern slapped all over his face.

"Emmett, stay out of this!" I sneered at him, before I refocused my anger on Alice again.

"No. Bella, you know she's right," he countered.

"Just shut up, Emmett! You're not her father, so just butt out!" My voice had risen to an alarmingly high tenor. I was pissed off and trembling with anger.

"You got that right, Bella. I'm not her dad, but I'm the goddamn closest thing she has to one and that one is on you! Because the guy who actually has a claim on that sweet girl, you won't let into her life. You won't let him have a chance. And that's wrong and you know it. You're just chicken shit and you're fucking scared, so now you're taking it out on us because you want to escape the consequences." Emmett's words were hard and brutal. I stared back at him with a frosty glare.

"And what consequences would that be?" I snarled at him.

"The fact that he might not want you... or Elizabeth." He spoke the words with overpowering reason, but I didn't care, I was mad and upset. Emmett was right on the money; I was terrified that Edward wouldn't want me or our daughter. Though, lost in the fog of my fury I was not going to admit to any of that.

"Go drown yourself." I hissed nastily. Words were not enough to describe the betrayal I felt. I could see the hurt slither across Emmett's eyes, but in that second I didn't give a shit.

"Hey!" Alice yelled. "Stop that. You two don't do that. Bella, that is not very useful."

"Neither is this. Alice, are you actually blackmailing me? I knew you could be nasty, but this is impressive, even for you." In the midst of my wrath I was unable to stop myself. I knew I had no right to be this hateful, because Alice had done everything humanly possible to help me these past two years. I owed her nothing but gratitude and instead I attached her, spewing my venom at her. Internally I was ashamed.

"I lost my appetite," Emmett said and threw his fork down. From the corner of my eye I could see him get up from his chair. "Tell Jasper I'll see her later, perhaps. Alice, good luck," he said humorlessly. He stopped next to my chair and leaned over me. The moment was eerily silent and I refused to look up at him, even though I knew he expected I would. "Bella, this isn't you. Call me when you realize you owe me and that you need to fucking apologize."

I knew I had hurt him with my despicable behavior. His calm way of saying the words made me even more resentful towards myself. Self loathing would probably be a better description.

"Bella, you need to fess up. Stop being stupid." Those were Alice's last words before she marched off to her room. By the look on her face, she was just as furious as Emmett. Great!

I sat at the table alone for a while. I knew if I went to my room, tears would come and I would be crying like a baby and quite possible wake up Elizabeth in the process. I had no desire to do any of that. So now I was left sitting at the table alone.

"Bella?" I suddenly registered my name being called. I stared flabbergasted at her. "Will you listen to me?" Jasper asked timidly, like her opinion had no value. I nodded stunned. It was the first time in months she actually participated in anything. "I think I understand. I didn't agree with Alice and the way she did that," she said quietly.

"But you're siding with her?"

"Yes I am and with Emmett too."

"Jasper, I don't know how to tell him." I admitted without any anger this time. I was terrified of the rejection that would kill my secret dream of having a family with Edward.

"I know you don't. If you did, you would have talked to him by now." A tiny, almost undetectable smile shaped her dry lips.

"Thanks... Jasper." I mouthed astonished.

"You're welcome. We all understand how hard this is for you. Don't think we don't." I had completely forgotten how good Jasper was at this kind of negotiating. It was fantastic seeing that beneath all that sadness she was still in there. "Here." She slid a small envelope across the table top.

"What's this?" I looked at the envelope like it would burn my fingers if I touched it.

"The offer."

"Oh." I said. I knew I didn't deserve it. Though, it was wrong of Alice to blackmail me into telling Edward, but dangling this broken dream in front of me like this was even worse.

Without another word Jasper was gone again. I opened the envelope and unfolded a contract with my name on the top. I read through the details and realized that everything in the offer was perfect. I quickly understood that this had to be all Alice's doing. She must have pulled every string she had and bent over backwards to get me this deal with Aro. This really wasn't making me feel any better. If this was how it felt to have a dream come true, I'd rather be without. Everything good in life came with a price tag. Go figure.

I cleared the table, the same time as I tried to clear my conscience and figure out how to apologize to two very important people in my life.

oooooOOOOooooo

I did find a way to make up for the damage I'd done. Emmett was the easy one to win over to my side again. He threw me into a bear hug basically before I was done groveling, begging for his forgiveness. Alice was a little harder, she put up a bit of a fight, but no more than for a few days. Jasper returned to her somber and oblivious world of depression. I tried to thank her for her help, but she just looked at me confused. I don't think she even remembered having the conversation with me.

I accepted Aro's offer and I was able to buy the bookstore. I wasn't sure how I felt about being in business with him, but he didn't make a fuss about anything. He was the perfect silent partner. I never heard a word from him.

The renovation had been extensive. Most of the demolition work before the rebuild could start had been done by some of Emmett's college friends who had been eager to get the opportunity to smash something. So they took care of it pro bono. The store opened just before winter was upon us. Beside that Mr. 'sharp banker suit' Tanner could eat his word when the first month after opening the store I had turned a profit. Sure it was marginal, but it was a profit nonetheless.

During the past summer and the bright hours of the day, Alice finally took matters into her own hands and acknowledged that Jasper was in serious trouble. Hurt and broken Jasper was coming around, mainly because Alice nursed her every step of the way. It was a lengthy process, but slowly my friend was coming back to life. She was in extensive therapy, exercising like a maniac thanks to Emmett and helping either me or Alice at work. Alice never confided in me, but I knew she had been hurting just as much as Jasper, but they seemed to be able to find some common ground again.

Jasper acknowledged Emmett again and stopped fleeing every time he was around. Emmett was stoked, and took care of everything that he humanly possible could for us. That meant I was forced to deal with the violent concept of self defense classes, because he made us all go. He was adamant we needed to know how to defend ourselves in case lightning did indeed strike twice and someone would try to hurt either one of us.

Over the months that passed one promise that I hadn't kept was haunting me. I hadn't told Edward about Elizabeth. We all pretended the blackmail incident hadn't happened. Alice stopped bringing it up. I never said anything about it either. I kept it to myself that I knew I was wrong and I apologized to Edward every time I was staring at the poster on my ceiling. It was my ritual before I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night.

oooooOOOOooooo

Unlocking the door to my shop I couldn't help my smile. It was like that every day. I loved that this was my place and it was going rather well. My idea for a coffee corner had paid off. It was usually crowded from before lunch to past dinner time. There was a small and simple selection of food and beverages and places for people to just sit and enjoy their break or a quiet time.

I had hired one girl, Angela, to be able to cover the opening hours. She just moved to the city to be with her boyfriend and to experience life, as she said. She was sweet and reliable, pretty quick with her hands and really smart.

I ran through my mail, email, and started up the coffeemaker for the day. I finished restocking the shelves with the supplies that arrived yesterday. To many others it may seem tedious, but to me this was heaven, my sanctuary. My place in the world.

Jasper wasn't shy to help out and her sense of organization was staggering. She was looking more and more like herself everyday. Emmett had helped out a lot by bringing a lot of girls from college as costumers and I understood that he did indeed have a life. I never chose to linger around that thought.

The day passed with tending to costumers, reading and serving sandwiches. It was basically the usual. This was the stuff that made me happy. To see people enjoy coming to my place and find solitude for a while.

I was in my office when Emmett barged through the door. Elizabeth was strapped in her stroller, nestled in with a blanket over her. "I'm so sorry to bring her here, but Jasper is running late getting home from work and I got a game in less than an hour." He panted like he had run here from the apartment. My eyes fled to what looked like a ghost rushing past my office door. It felt unnatural. I turned my attention back to Emmett.

"Don't sweat it." I murmured and left my computer. I stepped around my desk. "Come to mommy," I cooed at Elizabeth and picked her up from the stroller. I inhaled the soft smell of baby and hugged her to my chest. Immediately she started twirling her fingers into my long hair. It was a pain to get them out if her fingers were sticky.

"I gotta go, Bells." Emmett kissed my cheek hurriedly. He cuddled Elizabeth's cheek also, smacking a few kisses on the soft skin. "Be good to your mom, baby Bells." I smiled gently at his name for her. He basically ran out the door within the next breath.

I sat Elizabeth down on the floor, where she started staggering about from one piece of furniture to the next, practicing her walk. We had just passed her first birthday. I had a few bills to pay before I was done for the day. Elizabeth made an escape for the door. From my seat I could see parts of the coffee corner and it wasn't too busy. "Angela, baby on the run," I called loudly.

"Got her," she answered immediately. I returned to the screen and started tapping in numbers to get my bills paid. The same odd shadow seemed to ghost past a few shelves again. It was creeping me out. I narrowed my eyes, ridiculously trying to sharpen my vision, because I felt like I was being watched. The only thing that caught my attention was a tall man wearing his hoodie up and had his nose stuck in a book. I hated when they did that. It made people look like a freaking bank robber.

I shuffled a stack of papers in my hand and I was about to turn my computer off when a man was suddenly leaning casually against the doorjamb to my office. It startled me and I squealed, realizing it was the man in the hoodie. His face was hidden in the shadows of the hood. My heart started racing, when I saw Elizabeth's hand was clutched in his. My mommy alarm radar instantly kicked it. It was just too personal for him to touch her.

Slowly the man lowered the hood from his head and all the papers fell from my hands like floating feathers. I couldn't breathe.

"Do I even have to ask if she's mine?" The familiar warm voice asked. I stared stunned beyond recognition at him. I tried to shake my head, but I wasn't sure it worked. My head was whirling and I wanted to speak, but I was paralyzed. Elizabeth babbled something incoherent and he looked down at her. A tiny smile crawled across his chiseled lips, but when he looked at me again his green eyes were colder. "Do you have any idea how pissed I am at you… Isabella?" My full name rolled effortlessly off his tongue, like he was caressing it. I only ever told him I was called Bella.

I swallowed on a dry throat, feeling how raspy my throat was. "Edward." I wheezed as my heart thundered in my chest. Oh no.

oooooOOOOooooo

A little cliffy for you darlings. *Shrugs*

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