Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.

Thank you to Dazzled eyes22, for your proofreading and your awesome beta skills. Without you this chapter would have been a mess. Thanks for helping me put it into shape.

AN:

Thank you to those of you who added me to your alerts and commented on the story. I feel honored every time you do that.

Someone asked 'when the hell is Bella going to pull her head out of her ass and do what is right?' Well she might not have chosen to do it because she is a coward, but she is going to see her life differently now.

Oh Edward.

I hope you enjoy the chapter. Nuff said!

oooooOOOOooooo

Chapter 20

I tried to get up from the chair, but it felt like an earthquake was violently shaking the ground beneath me. My legs were quivering insanely and all I could do was stare at Edward's unreadable face.

"What? You have nothing to say to me?" Edward asked evenly.

My mouth popped open, but no words emerged. I just gaped at him. Was he really here? After all this time, was he truly standing in my office?

"How about I start then? I turned over every rock that I could find looking for Bella Dwyer. She was this extraordinary woman that I met a while back. However, my search was to no avail, because she didn't exist. Then after almost two years, suddenly the name Isabella Marie Swan, former Black, widow of Jacob Black and daughter of Renée Dwyer came to my attention. That wasn't the most shocking part though. That happened when I learned Isabella Marie Swan had a daughter by the name of Elizabeth Cullen Swan. Now why would anyone pick Cullen for a middle name and the name of my dead sister as a first name on a whim? That is just too coincidental. So I figured that I needed to come see for myself who this girl was. And look what I found." He was menacingly calm and his intense gaze was unwavering on me. I was pinned to the spot.

"I can explain," I wheezed.

He nodded. "I think you owe me that, at least."

I got up to my trembling knees hoping I was just calm enough to stand. "I owe you a lot of things, Edward," I said quietly finding a small voice from somewhere within me. "Please, just not here."

"Name the time and place." Elizabeth started moving across the room, balancing from furniture to furniture, babbling words no one could understand. "Just say yes or no, once and for all Bella… I'm her dad, right?"

I nodded and smiled a little. "Look at her, Edward. It's kind of hard to miss." I paused a shaky moment laying all joking aside. "She is yours, through and through." I bent down and picked her up, really taking in her sweet face for a brief moment. "She's ours." I whispered staring at my daughter. She smiled. She was far too young to have any inclination how important this moment was. I glanced over at Edward really seeing in his face for the first time in two years. I stared mesmerized for a long time. How much I had missed him. My heart thundered and my mind clouded with shock, but I knew this was my one shot. I had to do this right. No messing up. "Can we not do this here? I want to talk to you more than anything. Perhaps you could come back to my place? Unless you have somewhere to be?" I sounded far calmer than I felt.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Are you trying to be funny? No, I have nowhere else to be, but to figure out why the hell you lied to me for so long and apparently prevented me from seeing my daughter." The words were like ice chips falling from his mouth. Oh boy, this was going to be tricky. "Your place sounds as good as anything else."

I hauled in a shaky breath, closing my eyes trying to establish some kind of courage to do the right thing. Basically, I felt like I had been hit over the head with a shovel. My mind was quicksand swallowing up all reason for my previous choices and how to handle this imperative moment as levelheaded as possible. I leaned my forehead to Elizabeth's for a brief moment, feeling her warm soft skin. Instantly, she yanked at my hair and twirled her fingers into the tresses. "Um, Edward," I sighed. "Let me finish up here and we can go."

He nodded silently. For a too brief moment, I drowned in the depth of his agonized eyes. It tore me apart that I had caused him this devastating pain, but I had to fess up and deal with the facts as they were. I kissed Elizabeth's cheek and slowly handed her towards Edward. His eyes widened astonished and with unfamiliar hands took her into his arms. It was clear that holding a baby wasn't something he practiced every day. Elizabeth whined a bit and reached for me. I stroked her cheek. "Mommy will be right back."

Without looking back, I fled into the store to talk to Angela. I willed myself not to focus on the fact Edward was here and alone with Elizabeth for the first time. I spoke shortly to Angela, whose fiercely smart eyes were boring into me, knowing something was up. I arranged for her to open shop tomorrow, while I made two sandwiches to bring home for dinner and two coffees to go.

From outside of my office, I glanced at Edward's back as he sat on his behind in the middle of my office floor with his long legs sprawled in front of him. Elizabeth was holding his index fingers and balancing between his legs. She babbled to no end, while Edward stared captivated at her. It was a sight that I secretly savored.

oooooOOOOooooo

Edward had ducked into a waiting car, while I had strapped Elizabeth into the stroller and walked home with the food. Edward, for some apt reason, couldn't just walk home with us. My mind was racing furiously and wondering if he would even be there when I got home. He had been so upset, furious, distraught and overwhelmed, but yet so restrained and composed when we had parted at the store. Perhaps this time he would run from me?

He sat at the top of the stairs, waiting, twirling his thumbs when I made it to the front door. He didn't smile or warm to me when I greeted him with a light smile. My heart was frantically pounding in my chest. Was this the only reunion I would get? It was so far from what I had dreamed off. In my mind, I had seen hearts and flowers, hugs and kisses, sweet and loving words. Not this aloof and awkward tension that I wasn't sure how to handle. I stupidly realized I had expected the warm and compassionate man that had fixed me after I lost Jacob. Was he gone? Had I lost him?

He was surreptitiously watching me as I plated the sandwiches and finished something to eat for Elizabeth. She was sitting on the kitchen counter and Edward was hovering quietly beside her. I tried to glance discretely at him every few seconds, while making sure he was really here. He broke the silence suddenly.

"Who's Jasper?" he breathed coolly. I gaped at him, but he continued before I could answer. "Is he your boyfriend?" The tone to his voice was edged with a fierceness lying just beneath the surface. I glanced at his guarded eyes and bit my lip to hide my smile clawing its way to my mouth. Was he jealous? Then it struck me, Edward had no clue Jasper was female. "Was it the guy in the bookstore? The one that dropped Elizabeth off?"

I focused on the food, finding the moment morbidly funny for some reason. Perhaps it was the tangible unresolved tension that made this seem comic. "Er… no that was Emmett. Jasper's brother." I answered as evenly as I could manage.

"But he lives here?" Edward continued obliviously, not giving me a chance to explain.

"Yes, Jasper lives here." I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to mock his assumption with laughter. It didn't seem unfair or unreasonable Edward would jump to that conclusion. "But it isn't what you think. Jasper shares a room with Alice. Besides that point, Jasper is a woman and she is gay, and so is Alice, I think, or she just loves Jasper insanely, I'm not sure which." I glanced sideways to see Edward gape momentarily then he hide his beautiful smile before he collected his face again. "Can we have something to eat? I need to put Elizabeth to bed for the night soon, or all hell will break loose. She's not really fun when she is tired." I excused.

"I wouldn't know." Edward muttered sourly. Our eyes met for a flicker of a second and I cringed. How much a small comment like this hurt.

"No, you wouldn't." I agreed sadly when it felt like a dagger was slammed directly through my heart. I was in trouble.

The shrill of a phone sounded from the hall where Edward had placed a simple backpack. He moved to the hall probably to answer it. A piercing scream rippled through the apartment freezing the blood in my veins. A loud commotion and banging emanated along with muddled and shocked voices. Elizabeth instantly started screaming frightened, before I could even get her down from the counter to see what the hell was going on.

I ran to the hall seeing Edward crouched over Jasper who was coiled terrified into the corner behind the front door. Never in my life had I seen that level panic and fear in someone's eyes. Jasper was petrified and Edward was far too close for her comfort.

I gently placed my hand on Edwards raised arm. More yelling and commotion would only worsen the situation for Jasper. "Get back, Edward." I said softly. He turned to stare confused at me. "Slowly move away from her. She's okay. She's just scared. Could you go into the kitchen? Elizabeth is crying. Please try to comfort her. I got this." It was clear Edward didn't understand, but then again how could he. Jasper didn't handle strangers well at all. He took a few steps back, while gaping at the turmoil.

I crouched in front of Jasper, seeing how hard her hands trembled and her eyes flicker wildly. Her breath was rushing insanely and I could literally hear the hammering of her heart. Quickly, I grabbed a bag from the kitchen while catching a glimpse of Edward trying to calm Elizabeth down. This day was turning out to be virtual nightmare. I held the bag in front of Jasper's mouth forcing her to breathe into it, so she wouldn't pass out from hyperventilation. Her face was chalky white and her eyes starting to roll into her head. She was having an anxiety attack.

Alice barged through the door, throwing the mail aside instantly taking in Jasper's defeated pose. "What the hell happened?" she barked at me.

"Edward startled her." I managed to choke out.

"Edward?" Alice frowned confused and tore her eyes from Jasper for a brief moment. I nodded. She turned her attention back to Jasper, whose breath was slowly calming. "It's okay, baby." She mused softly. "It's okay. No one is going to hurt you." Her fingers gently ran into Jasper's hair while she literally calmed down completely. It was impressive to watch the magic between them. A few moments later, Jasper slowly got to her feet and burrowed her face in Alice hair in an intense hug. "Slow and easy, baby. I got you." Alice whispered.

I watched as Alice led a shivering Jasper into their room.

Drawing in a few deep breaths and letting the oxygen fill my lungs to the point of exploding, I ventured back into the kitchen. Edward had Elizabeth on his arm and was wiping the falling tears from her eyes. "Hey, sweetheart. Got a smile for daddy?" My knees weakened instantaneously hearing that endearing sentiment. Smacked straight in the head with reality, I knew I'd made the wrong choice in keeping Edward at more than an arm's length.

I made a small noise at the back of my throat, pretending like I hadn't heard anything. Edward turned. His eyes were wide and bewildered. Who could blame him? "What the hell just happened?"

I leaned against the counter for a moment before I took my girl from him. I needed to feel her in my arms, knowing that she was okay too. She hugged her arms around me and hid in my hair. "That was Jasper." I answered quietly.

"I really didn't do anything." Edward said quietly, like he needed to defend himself.

"I know you didn't. Jasper is just a little sensitive." I smiled weakly.

"I'd say." Edward answered almost jokingly. I narrowed my eyes at him feeling resentment rise, but I had to be fair to him. He couldn't possible know the reason for Jasper's reaction. He knew nothing about the life that Elizabeth and I had lead without him. Once more, it dawned on me how wrong my choices had been. I had filled our lives with people I loved, created our family and heartlessly excluded Edward.

"Don't Edward. Jasper was beaten, raped and almost killed last year. She doesn't trust strangers and especially not men."

"Oh. I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

Before anything else could be said, Alice emerged from their room with her phone glued to her ear. "No, everything is fine. I'll see you soon." She said all chipper, but the darkness in her eyes told a completely different story. She brushed through the kitchen, pouring a glass of water.

"Alice, this is Edward. Edward, Alice." I gestured, though I didn't continue, because the day just got weirder when Edward pierced her with an utterly puzzled gaze.

"You?" he mouthed at Alice. She ran her tongue over her teeth nervously, but quickly hid what looked like dread running over her face.

"Yes, me." She chirped. "Got a problem with that, pretty boy?" She strangely ignored Edward and kissed Elizabeth's cheek. She was hanging on my hip, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Is Jasper okay?" I asked, refocusing from their odd greeting of each other.

"A bit shaken up, but it'll be fine. We're going to stay at her parent's place tonight." She threw a quick glance at Edward. "That should give you two time to talk." She rolled her eyes, and smiled overbearingly. I ignored her supercilious smirk.

"I'm sorry. I should have called Jasper and told her that Edward was here. Please tell her that I feel horrible about what happened."

"It's okay." Alice shrugged and sighed. She had been through thick and thin with Jasper and always stood by her. This debacle was hardly a first. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger… eventually." She glanced at Edward again, because he was still peering at her with this incomprehensible look. I didn't have the energy to even try to decipher it right now. "We'll be out of here in ten minutes. You kids have fun." She drawled lastly. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at her. Only Alice would dare to be that blatant. Though tonight probably wouldn't be fun, I suspected Edward was still mad as hell with me.

Edward took a seat at the kitchen table. His face was serious, calculating and resigned as he stared into his coffee cup. Alice and Jasper had left, we had had something to eat, Elizabeth was put to bed and I knew that now it was time for the talk. It was now the consequences were coming.

"How did you find me?"

"Let's just sum it up to the butterfly effect, though I am starting to piece it together myself." He answered cryptically. He glanced up at me through his dark lashes, tightening his long fingers around the cup. "Why did you keep this from me?" I opened my mouth to answer, but no sound came out. I was such a coward and my defense was feebly thin. I knew that now. "Why did you keep Elizabeth from me?" he asked again.

"I wanted to protect you."

"Protect me from what exactly? My daughter?" he asked in that composed and completely rational tone again.

"I didn't think you would want someone like me." I breathed. "I lied to you because I would have trapped you if you knew the truth about her. I couldn't do that to you."

"Someone like you? Why wouldn't I want someone like you?" A moment's confusion widened his steely green eyes. "Because you figured out who I was, you didn't think I would want to be with you? Do you really think so little of yourself? Or do you think that I would decide on who is good enough for me because of what kind of job I hold? Do you really think I am that big an ass?"

My face heated embarrassed. It really did sound horrible phrased like that. "No. I mean yes, basically yes. Not the part about being an ass," I mumbled.

"Do you know how shallow that is? Your entire perspective of who I am and what I would want for myself changed because you figured out how I make my money. Who are you to make that judgment for me? Who are you to tell me that I wouldn't want my own flesh and blood based on my resume? I thought you knew me better than that. Besides from what I do for a living, I didn't hide who I was from you. I thought you saw me and accepted me for me. But when I discovered you made the heartless decision for me to keep my daughter from me based on some delusional idea that you were protecting me, I have to wonder whether I even know you at all? The Bella that I met on that beach was lost, yes, but she would never do that to me. You know my history, my personal pain and my loss. I am alone in the world. I have no family, but the family we created, surely by accident, and you make the selfish decision to think that I wouldn't want it based on what my face looks like. Just to let you know, it is only skin deep, Bella. It is just a pretty face and not who I am." Edward finished coldly.

My skin prickled like I was being stabbed with needles and his words tore me apart. "I'm so sorry."

"That isn't good enough. Sorry isn't good enough. I understand that you ran. I expected that you would, based on what you learned." He paused, while choosing his words carefully. "When did you find out my name was cleared?"

"At that press conference you held." I answered quietly.

"Did you know you were pregnant then?"

"No."

"Okay. Let me ask you this way. When you found out that you were pregnant, you perhaps spent a few weeks coming to terms with it. After that, did you really think that if you came to me that I would turn you away? That I would in any way blame you for getting pregnant?"

"I couldn't face it."

"I don't care what you could face. Life sucks sometimes and we all have to do things that aren't particular fun. It's all part of being a grown up. But deep down in your heart, do you believe that I would have been the asshole who didn't care that you were pregnant and would leave you to deal with it yourself?"

"No." I breathed brokenly. This calm and collected menace was so unexpected and hurt more deeply than yelling and screaming. I think I would take a loud rebuke easier than this quiet attack.

"There you have it in a nutshell, Bella. You made a really selfish choice. We were two people on that beach that weren't careful. You are no more to blame for getting pregnant than me. You were forced to deal with it because it is your body, but I would have wanted to be a part of it. You took that from me."

"I know." I agreed quietly.

"When did you find out?" Edward asked after a long pause.

"I think I was about nine weeks along."

"Did you ever consider abortion?"

"Never seriously. I couldn't kill something that was yours." I answered honestly, remembering clearly the chill of disgust I had felt thinking about ending the pregnancy. It was far worse now that I knew what it meant to have Elizabeth in my life. I would never regret having her.

"Did you ever plan on telling me?"

"Every day." I hesitated. "What are you most mad about?"

"Everything. I am mad at you for taking everything away from me - the pregnancy, Elizabeth being born, and the first year of her life. You stole that from me. Like I said, I would have wanted to be a part of it. I would have wanted to be there for you and for Elizabeth."

He cracked a small smile at me. That tiny twitch of my lip gave me a little hope that he would perhaps thaw and not be so cold towards me. I hated seeing that he wasn't the kind and warm soul that I remembered. Who was I really kidding? I didn't really know him at all. "I know it's selfish, but I hate that you are so mad at me. I feel so alone." I snorted when tears suddenly came along with the realization that we were strangers now. I had changed, but so had he.

"Welcome to how I feel." He said quietly, almost sympathetically.

"It's not fun."

"No, it's not." His look mirrored mine.

"It feels better to have you here." My voice was still muddled by the overflow of tears. "Do you often feel lonely?" I wondered.

"Almost every day." He answered hushed. "I lead a lonely life, Bella. Hotels, sets, parties, and junkets are all part of my life, but none of those places are a home. It is filled with people who care nothing for me as a person, but worship what I look like and what I can do."

"I care for you, Edward." I dared airing my feelings. I felt so vulnerable.

"You hurt me. How can I trust you?" He whispered back.

"Perhaps I can earn that back, if you let me."

"Perhaps." He sighed.

We sat quietly and just stared at each other. This wasn't a warm and fussy rekindling and there wasn't much to say after that. My heart was heavy and my head was pounding. "Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?" I asked out of nowhere.

"No."

"Wanna stay here?" I offered, feeling desperate to keep him here a little longer. I would take cold and detached Edward over no Edward at all right now.

"If you wouldn't mind, I have to leave by noon tomorrow. I would really like to spend the morning with my daughter and not stuck in a traffic jam trying to get here."

"I won't mind. Do you have everything you need?" I asked knowing he was only logging a backpack around.

"I do. I travel a lot and I know how to do it lightly." He smiled marginally.

In my room, I quickly changed into something more comfortable and threw my hair into a messy bundle. I made up the couch when I could hear Edward brushing his teeth in the bathroom. I smiled when he stepped out into the living room wearing pajama pants and an old ragged t-shirt. He looked so… homey. He smiled at me looking down my body. "I wondered where the hell that shirt went?" he laughed gently. I was instantly swallowed up by the softness in his eyes. Oh, Edward.

I gasped and bit my lip, when I stared down. I was unknowingly wearing his contraband shirt. It was my favorite to sleep in. "I confess. I stole it from you."

"I see."

"Good night." I breathed, but stayed in spot and just stared at him. I couldn't move. I was so lost and I wanted to keep what little I could of him now that he was here. I already knew I lost him, so please just let me have the shattered pieces of my fantasy. That, at one point, Edward would be mine and we would be a family.

"Night, Bella." He officially dismissed me when I couldn't let go. There hadn't been one touch, one hug or possibly even one 'I missed you'. Nothing. Nothing that showed he still cared for me. Heartbroken, I trotted to my room and silently closed the door behind me. I could hear the quiet, almost snoring breath from Elizabeth's crib. It sparked inspiration. I opened the door to the living room again. Edward was sitting on the couch, legs up, with his journal at his side.

"Can I try something? Show you something of what I made you miss? To give you your first and very fatherly experience?"

He nodded, looking befuddled. In my room, I hunched over Elizabeth's crib and slowly peeled her sleeping form from her bed. Her deadweight was a little hard to balance and she grumbled in her sleep. I moved back to Edward, who was watching my every move. "Lie on you back." I ordered and Edward did what I instructed. Carefully, I lowered Elizabeth onto his chest, while letting her settle on him. She started whining a little. I quickly slipped the pacifier into her mouth and she quieted down instantly, suckling and grunting content.

Edward gaped at me, but his eyes were so full of wonder and excitement. "Won't she wake?" he barely whispered.

"No. Just stroke her back if she starts fussing and she will quiet down."

"She's heavy." He mused surprised. "Does she know me well enough to be okay with this?"

I nodded. "She loves being cuddled like this. Getting to sleep on a warm chest is a treat for her. Nothing's better in the world. It is a really bad habit, but we all do it with her."

His face fell. "We all…" he mouthed disappointed. "That makes me no one special."

I sat down on the other sofa. "That's not true, Edward. You are her father and that is someone very special. It is not her fault that I made the mistake of not telling you."

Edward cracked a small smile. "Now you are just sucking up to me and trying to make me less mad at you."

"Is it working?"

He didn't answer and just looked down at Elizabeth nuzzling her face into his neck. He stroked her hair, wrapping the sheet over her back.

I sat back and just watched Edward watch Elizabeth with a look of wonder and love. After a while, his eyes started to fall shut and he dozed off with his arms around his daughter. The sight of them sleeping soundly made me heart swell. How could I have been so wrong to keep him away from her? How could I ever have thought it was for his own good? It was like I was staring at my own overbearing reflection and she was snidely mocking me with a look that said 'don't look at me, you brought this on yourself'. They were so beautiful and peaceful sleeping together. Tears came in violent torrents, when I was alone in my room. I was so used to Elizabeth's breathing that the eerie quietness made me anxious. I sat down on the bed trying to think through this oddly chaotic day, but it was impossible. All I could think was that I lost him, maybe forever. I had made all the wrong choices thinking they were right and it was my own fault that he would never love me back now. There wasn't a chance for us to be a family like I had dreamed and it was my entire fault. The tears quickly turned to sobs and I curled shattered into bed. I gave into my devastation and just let myself fall apart.

I woke late into the morning, barely able to open my eyes. They were completely swollen from all the crying last night and so was my face, I suspected. Elizabeth's bed was empty and fear shot through me like an arrow, but I sighed gratefully when I heard Elizabeth talk gibberish from somewhere in the apartment. I suddenly remembered she had spent the night on Edward's chest.

I leaned against the doorjamb to the kitchen, while just looking at Edward and Elizabeth making a mess trying to eat breakfast. Edward spotted me and then smiled almost shyly. "Morning," I croaked, my voice was rough. "What are you having?" I asked, hoping yesterday's somber mood was forgotten.

"Oatmeal. My mom used to make it for my sister and me. It is basically the only thing that I know how to cook. Besides, I couldn't find anything else."

"I guess that I need to go shopping." I paused and gazed into the pot. It was slightly burned on the bottom. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby." He paused. "I had another very fatherly experience this morning." I met his humorous eyes and cocked a brow at him. "How can so much nasty stuff come out of someone so small?"

I laughed at his grimace. "Yeah, she usually does leave a morning treat. Bad?"

"Worse. It was all the way up her back."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I'm not helpless, Bella." He quickly shot at me. Okay, yesterday's resentment and dreary mood not forgotten. "I gave her a bath. I'm sorry to tell you your bathroom is a bit of a mess." He shrugged apologetically.

"It's okay." I sat down and just took in the feeding session playing out in front of me. I wasn't sure if he was trying to impress me or he was simply doing all of this because he wanted it. Elizabeth had taken to him completely. I felt awful and instantly remembered the only fight I ever had with Emmett about Edward. Emmett had been pissed off.

Bella. I'm not her dad, but I'm the goddamn closest thing she has to one and that one is on you! Because the guy who actually has a claim on that sweet girl, you won't let into her life. You won't let him have a chance. And that's wrong and you know it. You're just chicken shit and you're fucking scared, so now you're taking it out on us because you want to escape the consequences."

I pushed the memory back, feeling overwhelmed with the whole ordeal. Once more, I took the coward way out and edited my thoughts. There would be time for groveling later. Edward should have been the one here, not Emmett.

"Where are you going when you leave here?" I asked.

"I am working on a project in Mexico at the moment. It finishes in about two weeks, but before that I need to make a stop in L.A. There is someone I need to see."

"Who?" I blurted.

"My girlfriend," he answered quietly and evaluated my face.

My heart plummeted into a deep endless abyss. His girlfriend! I hadn't even considered that possibility. "Have you been with her for long?" I asked to refocus my attention on something other than my own disappointment.

"Depends on how you look at it. I've known her for about six months."

"Are you in love with her?" I questioned trying to hide my desperation.

His vulnerable and deep-set eyes studied my face endlessly. "Not like I was in love with you." He paused. "I don't know if I am in love with Rosalie. Though, I need to talk to her and tell her about Elizabeth. I owe her that much."

It was like my entire body started falling apart piece by piece. He was in love with me. Was. Not anymore. It didn't matter how much I still longed for him. Seeing him for the past eighteen hours or so amplified that. I was desperately in love with him, but my chance and time to stake my claim had passed. I said nothing as he kept gazing at me.

oooooOOOOooooo

He stood in the hall, slowly hefting the backpack over his shoulder. "Will you come back?" I asked quietly.

He studied me for a long excruciating moment. "Yes. I will be back for my daughter. If you are asking me whether I will be back for you? Then the answer is that I don't know. I don't know what I feel for Rosalie. I don't know what I feel for you. I need some time and distance to think, Bella. I don't know if I will be able to forgive you."

"I hope you can," I whispered muddled.

"I can see it in your eyes that you do. I can see everything in your eyes, Bella and what you are hoping for." He captured my chin and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "Two years ago, I would have given you the world, but now I am really confused. I am hurt and disappointed. I need to figure out how to deal with that."

"I'll be here, Edward."

He smiled gently. I leaned forward hoping to at least get a hug. His arms snaked around when he embraced me tightly. "Bye." He whispered and kissed the top of my head. The embrace was way too short. I needed so much more right now. I battled the tears intensely.

He crouched down to Elizabeth's level. He just gazed at her longingly, while trying to tame a wayward curl behind her ear. I knew it would bounce free within the next second. "Daddy will be back soon, I promise." He whispered softly to her. "I'm sorry, but I have to go, sweetheart."

Edward didn't look at me when the click of the door sounded and he was gone from my life. If Elizabeth hadn't been here, I would have crumbled to the floor, crushed and beaten. How on God's green earth had I gone so wrong with my choices?

For the next two days, I willed my way through the light hours. My mind was stuck in a haze and the only thing I seemed to be able to do properly was go through the daily routines with Elizabeth. Never in my life had I felt this devastatingly alone. Sure Jasper, Alice and Emmett tried to cheer me up and encourage me that it was good that Edward and I talked and got the air cleared, but to me, it all felt horrible and like a defeat.

The only thing that had my full attention was the documents delivered by a courier from a Mr. J. Jenks, Attorney at Law. Edward was suing me for shared custody of Elizabeth. I had read through all of his conditions. I signed the dotted line and pushed the papers away from me. I wasn't going to contest the agreement.

Elizabeth was sleeping on Emmett's chest, but I didn't have it in me to complain about it today. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to fight and let Edward into our lives. I hoped that I had figured out a way to do that.

Another two days later, I twirled the pen in my sore hand and started writing. I had worked furiously through the hours.

Dearest Edward,

I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for the poor choices I have made. Seeing you again made it crystal clear that I have not made wise decisions in my life or for our daughter's life. I want to rectify that more than anything.

I have signed the custody documents and I am returning them to your lawyer with this letter and gift from me to you. You get Elizabeth for one week of the month, and three weeks over the summer. She is your daughter as much as she is mine.

The only thing I am not comfortable with is the amount of money you wish to pay me in child support. We do fine on our own, but I understand and acknowledge your need to participate as well. If you refuse to lower the amount here is what I will do. I think five hundred dollars a month would more than suffice to help our daily expenses, so the remaining four thousand five hundred dollars I will deposit into a fund for Elizabeth as a saving for what she would want or need later in life. It will be her choice how to spend the money, not mine.

As for you and me, Edward, I sincerely hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I wish I was stronger and that I could tell you in person, but I couldn't when you were here. The truth is that I am deeply in love with you and have been ever since I left you. I didn't know it back then, but I do now. For two years, I have hoped for a future with you, but I was too intimidated to contact you. What you said about the foundation of my choices and why I chose not to disclose the truth to you were right. I was selfish, because I was scared. Please consider my apology. I love you very much and you are so special to me.

I'm deeply sorry that I never told you about our wonderful daughter, because you deserve to know her and for her to know you.

Included with this letter is a scrapbook that I made for you. It was the only way I could think of to give you the memories and experiences that I stole from you. I know this is only a tiny bandage on a very large wound and it will never come close to what you should have experienced and shared with our daughter. If I could turn back time and do it all over. I would have given you the chance and let you be her father.

I wrote everything I can remember down about being pregnant and the first year of Elizabeth's life. I added photos of our daughter whenever it was possible. I hoped to do it as elegantly as your journals I remember you treasured, but I just don't have a creative bone in my body. I hope this will make do. I left about half the scrapbook empty, so you can continue filling the pages with all the memories you create with her in the future.

I miss you terribly and I hope to hear from you soon

Bella

oooooOOOOooooo

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