CHAPTER TEN - ABYSS ALTERED
Clark's mouth tilted up a one corner in a confident smile, causing Lois' heart rate to accelerate. He reached out and, with a slight tug, pulled Lois into his chest.
"And … this," he mumbled against her lips before he claimed them with his own. At the feel on his lips on hers, her entire body combusted.
Okay, so maybe there was something to talk about …
It was the last coherent thought she had for some time. All she could do was feel, as his soft lips slid over hers and his tongue moved against hers in a rhythm that seemed as natural as breathing now. Gradually his hands slid from her arms around her back to pull her even closer and she felt the hard contours of his body meet and match the softness of hers. In response her hands slid up his chest and tangled in his hair as she pulled herself even closer.
She'd never admit it to him but when Clark took the initiative it sent her a little over the edge. Knowing that he wanted her made her feel free - free to caress, kiss and explore - in a way that didn't happen when she made the first move.
Finally desperate for air she pulled away and realized that Clark had lifted her up until her feet were not longer touching the floor. She couldn't resist teasing him. "Trying to sweep a girl off her feet, Smallville?"
"Lois …" he breathed, his eyes still closed in pleasure, and she felt herself fall over the edge, the last drop of her reserve disappearing as she attacked his neck, running her lips along the long column, kissing the muscles while taking in his scent.
"Unh … Lois?" Clark stumbled back a little in response to her assault.
Lois ignored him, conversation being the last thing on her mind. Instead, she was desperate to feel more of Clark, taste more of Clark. She'd have crawled inside his skin if it was possible-
"How … do?" he started to ask, pausing as her lips continued up his strong jaw, her nips and kisses causing him to shudder. By the time he stuttered those words his hands had stilled but his arms were still holding her as his focus seemed to shift.
Oh right, he wanted to talk.
Done with words, Lois didn't stop kissing his neck, running her lips along the underside of his strong jaw. He tasted incredible.
"Good …" he stuttered as Lois lightly nipped at his chin. "You make me feel … good," Clark managed to choke out, his voice filled with astonishment.
"Good …" Lois repeated, her mind only half focused on her words as she devoted her attention to devouring Clark. "Hmmm," she muttered as she kissed the dimple in his chin. She wanted to kiss every part of him.
As his words penetrated her brain, her body shuddered in response. God, she made him feel good - could it get any better than that?
"You should feel good," she muttered wondering at the sense of surprise in his voice. She moaned a little as his hands began moving over her again, her thoughts frozen as she reveled in his touch.
What did he expect?
He certainly made her feel good … great … wonderful. Why wouldn't she do the same for him? She focused on the exquisite feel of his lips as she moved her mouth upward and her eyes closed in pleasure.
"Good," she repeated, whispering against his soft lips. "Love shouldn't be painful…"
Clark's body grew completely still. "Love?"
Her eyes popping open, Lois glimpsed shock in Clark's before she hastily pushed herself away. Scrambling clumsily, practically climbing off of his tall frame, her eyes met his for just a second. Panicked by her complete loss of self-control, she didn't even bother with her coffee as she ran out the door, leaving Clark in the middle of the kitchen, still frozen in place.
Quickly putting the key in the ignition she sped away, a trail of dust following her as she cursed herself and her big mouth.
What had she said?
What had she done?
She was an idiot.
Kent farm, next night
"Lois, what's going on?"
"What do you mean?" at Chloe's impatient expression, Lois answered. "Well, I'm hosting a welcome home party for Kara, if that's what you mean …"
"You know that's not what I'm talking about," Chloe remarked, snatching a cracker off of one of the many snack trays littering the kitchen counter. She plopped it into her mouth with a concerned look. "What's with you going at warp speed? I don't' think you've sit down once during this party and you haven't really talked to anyone."
"Well, it is Kara's party," Lois shrugged, avoiding Chloe's penetrating look while busily rearranging the trays that completely covered the kitchen countertop.
"Whoa," Chloe commented, lowering her face to try to catch Lois' eye. "This looks serious." Keeping her own face lowered, Lois could see Chloe glance out to the living room. "You do know you and Clark haven't said one word to each other all night," Chloe remarked. "Does this have something to do with him?"
When Lois didn't respond, Chloe took a long, hard look at Clark. She considered him for a few minutes before she gasped and grabbed Lois' arm, dragging her out of the kitchen and onto the porch.
Practically numb for the last day and a half, Lois barely noticed the cold night air as Chloe pushed her out the door, closing it behind her.
"Lois, did you sleep with Clark?" Chloe's voice was a combination of shock and awe.
Stunned by Chloe's question, Lois could only stare in amazement as she practically shouted, "No!"
The vehemence of her cousin's response caused Chloe to take a step back and throw her hands up in the air. "Okay … but something's going on with you … and with him. Clark looks like, I don't know, like someone dropped a bomb on him."
"Yeah, the 'L' bomb," Lois muttered to herself.
"I'm sorry … did you just say the 'L' bomb?"
Did she just say that out loud?
What was with her mouth lately?
Lois walked forward to lean against the porch rail, looking over at the barn. There were times, just a few, when she wished she could brood alone, when she wished she had a fortress of her own, when she wished she didn't have an insatiably curious cousin. Lois sighed, knowing there was no avoiding Chloe when she was like this. Truth was Chloe was the real pit bull on a pant leg.
"Uhm, I'm sorry," Chloe said, walking up next to Lois and leaning against the rail. "Did you say the 'L'-"
Lois grimaced as Chloe proved the point with her insistence. Looking to the stars, praying for patience, she kept her voice low as she interrupted her cousin. No need to repeat the painful truth. "You heard me."
"Uhm, wow," Chloe said, lowering her own voice as she leaned in toward her cousin. "I didn't know you felt … we are talking about lo-"
"Yes, okay!" Lois told her, losing the sense of control that had been slipping since yesterday morning's confession. Taking a deep breath at the expression on Chloe's face, Lois calmed herself. It wasn't Chloe's fault. Lois was the one who'd blurted out her feelings in the middle of a passionate moment. That wasn't how things were supposed to happen. She never planned to be the one to say it first.
Still aching from Lana's return and the attack in the Phantom Zone, Lois had tried to maintain some boundaries, take a step back after the intensity of her feelings in the cave, the strength of the connection both thrilling and terrifying. She'd only felt that deep connection once before – succumbing to it had ended badly.
She'd tried to escape at the hospital but then the Zoner's words, coming from Lana's mouth, hadn't helped her get a handle on her feelings. A little space and time, some distance, light banter - those things were working - until Clark pulled her to his chest and kissed her right in the middle of the kitchen.
You make me feel … good.
Even now, Lois shuddered at the thrill that went through her. When Clark had said those words, she'd felt such a rush, like something she'd only dreamed of, and then …
"I've ruined everything, Chloe," Lois whispered, giving voice to her worst fears.
"You haven't ruined everything," Chloe told her, placing her hand on Lois' arm. "You were just being honest. I mean, I assume you were being honest … we haven't really talked about those kinds of feelings … well, I mean, at least not as to Clark."
Lois couldn't help the sad little smile on her face at the nervous tone in Chloe's voice. The cousins were alike in more ways than one. Neither one liked to gush about her feelings, each one a woman of action.
"Well, you did tell me that Clark is oblivious and that I should be direct," Lois told her, trying to bring the conversation back to more comfortable territory.
"I guess I did," Chloe responded still looking a little stunned. "But I didn't realize …" her voice trailed off as she looked away. "So, how did Clark take it?"
Lois shook her head, staring up at the stars. "What did you say, like 'someone dropped a bomb on him'?"
"No … I mean what did he say?"
"Nothing," Lois told her, sighing in a mixture of both relief and frustration.
"What?" Chloe asked, her voice growing suspicious. "Wait … you haven't talked to him, have you?"
Lois winced as Chloe grabbed her arm and held it in a death grip. "You need to talk to him, Lois. You should march in there right now and find out how he feels. He could be-"
"He could be what, Chloe, pining away for me?" Lois jerked her arm back. "I don't think so … anyway, if he really wants to talk to me, he knows where I am. I live right here, right under his nose, in case you've forgotten."
"No, it's just … I know you. I've watched you tonight. You've made yourself so busy that Clark would have to use super speed to try to get your attention, so don't tell me he knows where you are." Chloe's expression grew sympathetic as she loosened her grip. "Look, maybe you jumped the gun, but-"
Chloe broke off her speech as the sound of the door as they both turned to see Oliver emerge from the kitchen. Lois watched Chloe's expression darken.
"Hey, ladies," he said with a tentative smile. "What's going on out here?"
"Nothing," Chloe mumbled, quickly moving to go inside. Oliver stepped in front of her as she tried to get by.
"Actually, Chloe, I was hoping to talk to you, if you don't mind?"
"I do mind," Chloe muttered, rubbing her arms while ignoring Oliver. "It's freezing out here." Oliver sent Lois a pleading look.
"I think I'll go get some warm drinks started for us," Lois said, walking past Chloe and Oliver to the door. As she passed by, she thought she heard Chloe mutter "traitor" under her breath but she wasn't sure.
Inside the warm kitchen, Lois grabbed a drink that she'd previously mixed for herself and casually made her way over to the window. What was up with Chloe and Oliver? Her interest piqued, desperate to have something besides her latest disaster to think about, Lois stepped in front of the window to listen.
"What the hell are you doing, Chloe?" Oliver asked, not even trying to hide his frustration.
"What do you mean?" Chloe responded, equally as agitated.
Through the window, the voices were a little muffled so Lois moved even closer.
"Don't give me that," Oliver told her. "I watched while you used that device to bring Lois and Clark back. Your eyes turned white and then - with one hand mind you - you pushed me into another room. Clark tells me it's Brainiac. What are you doing about this?"
When there was silence, Lois heard Oliver's voice drop.
"Damn it, you aren't doing anything about it, are you?"
"Oliver, let it go," Chloe said, becoming even more irritated. "Like I told Clark, I'm choosing to see this as a positive-"
"White eyes, nose bleeds and super strength are positives for you, are they? Or, maybe, you just like the thrill of power, being able to push me and Clark around ..."
"What are you talking about?" Chloe's voice was furious and Lois couldn't help smirking to herself. "Look, if you need an apology, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to hurt you but, if I hadn't been able to do those things, Clark and Lois would still be stuck in the Phantom Zone."
"At what cost to you, Sidekick?"
"Oliver-"
"No," Oliver interrupted. "You're messing with things that aren't human and that you can't fully understand, no matter what you think. Eventually, you're going to get hurt."
"I can take care of myself," Chloe's voice was low and menacing. "And the next time you want to find out something about me, talk to me first and not to Clark. He's not my keeper."
Lois couldn't help but grin. Even though she was worried about Chloe, she couldn't help but be proud of her cousin. She was certainly holding her own with Oliver.
"Well, somebody should be," Oliver muttered and Lois winced at that one, waiting for Chloe to explode.
Whatever Chloe's response, it was interrupted by Clark's voice next to her ear. "Lois, are you eavesdropping?"
At the feel of his warm breath, Lois dropped the glass she was holding and watched in horror as it fell. It was only Clark's quick reflexes that stopped it from crashing. Her eyes closed as he handed it to her with a knowing look on his face.
"What?" Lois asked keeping her eyes closed.
"Lois," he said, drawing her name out in frustration.
Her eyes opened and her heart rate accelerated when she felt him step closer. Silently, she cursed her body for reacting to him. "Hey, it's part of the hostess' job to make sure that fights don't break out-"
"And how is that working for you?" Clark asked in a low, sardonic tone as Chloe stormed into the kitchen, letting the door slam behind her. Before Lois could respond, Chloe walked up to them.
"I need a drink," she said, grabbing Lois' glass. Trembling slightly in anger, Chloe brought the drink to her lips and took a large swig. Coughing and gasping, she managed a choked whisper. "What's in this thing?"
Lois shrugged, seeing Clark's concerned look. "Uhm, I don't know. It's something new I put together. I was going to call it Liquid Courage."
Chloe's took a deep breath as she lifted the glass into the air with a victorious grin, eliciting an eye roll from Clark. "I could use a little of that. Here's to Liquid Courage."
Kent farm, twenty minutes later
Lois was in the kitchen mulling over Chloe's words. They were starting to make sense, especially now that Lois had downed a couple of glasses of her own drink.
At least the party was a success, even if she had planned it in part as a distraction. Kara was smiling and laughing, appearing comfortable and relaxed for the first time since she'd returned from the Phantom Zone. Standing in the living room, hands in her pockets, she was smiling at one of Jimmy's jokes, while he was hanging onto Chloe who was a little unsteady on her feet after a couple of glasses of Liquid Courage. Chloe was obviously ignoring Oliver, who was shooting her frustrated looks from across the room. When Oliver wasn't glaring at Chloe, he was deep in conversation with J'onn and Clark. Those three were the only serious ones in the room.
It was while Lois was smirking in Oliver's direction than Clark caught her gaze. Her resolve wavered at his direct, wide-eyed stare. His blue eyes were filled with curiosity and uncertainty. He was obviously still processing her confession. Ready to lower her eyes at the bewilderment in his, Lois squared her shoulders instead. Did it matter that Clark was confused? That was a perpetual condition for him.
You must continue to support and challenge him.
Rokk's words or her own alcohol-based drink fueled her determination. Maybe it was time to face her fears, face her demons. Poised to march into the living room and talk to Clark, smiling as his eyes grew even wider at the resolute look on her face, she stopped when J'onn appeared in front of her.
She stepped away from the counter when she saw his concerned expression.
Not another one; Chloe and J'onn should form a club-
"You know, for a festive event, I feel a lot of tension in the air," J'onn commented from across the counter, blocking Lois' view of Clark. Wondering what J'onn was up to, she watched his enigmatic expression as his hand reached for a cookie. She couldn't resist smiling when he took a very satisfied bite. After all, she'd set out the cookies just for him.
At a quirk of his brow, she responded. "Yes, well, Chloe and Oliver had a little blow up earlier."
"And … J'onn continued in his unruffled tone, "you and Clark?".
"Don't ask," Lois replied, grabbing her own cookie off the tray. "That's old news. The real question is what you, Clark and Oliver were talking about just a minute ago?"
At J'onn's silence, Lois speculated, keeping her tone casual, "Looked like a strategy session to me. Let me see, should I try to guess what the three of you might be planning …"
J'onn shook his head, giving her a small smile as he did so.
"What?" Lois asked, tilting her head to the side.
"I can see why you're a good reporter," he commented.
"Flattery will get you nowhere." Grinning nonetheless, Lois leaned across the counter. "Now, spill …"
"Actually, we were talking about the Zoner who attacked you."
"Really?" Lois was surprised; the creature had been sent back. What was there to talk about? "What about her?"
"I have been concerned with why a Kryptonian criminal was visiting the hospital and, more importantly, who she was visiting."
"She said she had seen her son," Lois told him, making a face as she remembered the Zoner's words … and her tight grip. "Do you think it was someone at the hospital?"
"Maybe," J'onn said distractedly. Placing his drink on the counter, he walked around it to stand next to Lois.
"Does Lana remember anything?" Lois asked him, taking note of his distracted expression. Something was bothering him about the Zoner's son. Either that or he knew something she didn't.
"It doesn't appear so."
"What do you mean, doesn't 'appear so?' Lois asked as J'onn's words sank in. "Hasn't anyone talked to her?"
"From what I understand, Ms. Lang hasn't been around much since the incident."
"Right," Lois remarked quietly, recalling her conversation with Clark the morning before. "She's been following up on her theory that Lex sent Clark to the Phantom Zone."
J'onn didn't answer, glancing instead toward the kitchen door.
Lois followed his gaze, watching at the subject of their discussion walked in and looked around, her dark eyes reflecting her surprise at seeing the small crowd gathered.
"Looks like she's back," J'onn commented quietly, his eyes turning to examine the expression on Lois' face. "Maybe we'll all get some answers tonight."
Kent farm, same night
The cousins were on a mission, the kind that could only be formed by a combination of alcohol and curiosity. Fueled by both, Chloe was giggling when they entered the barn.
"Shhh," Lois whispered, starting to regret letting Chloe talk her into to coming out here. If they were caught, they'd learn nothing and end up looking like drunken fools. This kind of mission required stealth.
"Right," Chloe whispered none too quietly, giggling again.
Lois rolled her eyes, "You go stand watch at the door. I'll let you know if I hear anything."
"No way," she managed to whisper. "They always leave me out of their little plans … at least until they need computer ... stuff." Chloe was obviously struggling to find the right words. "Then it's 'help us Chloe,' 'we can't do this without you,' and 'it's a matter of life and death,' blah, blah, blah."
Sticking her chin out determinedly Chloe pointed to the bottom of the stairs and moved forward. Shaking her head in response, Lois reluctantly followed. When they reached their destination, Chloe leaned against the wall, while Lois rested against the stair rail, both of them listening to the voices in the loft.
"It's a solid lead, Clark," Lana's voice wafted down airily.
"As solid a lead as we've ever had on the bastard," Oliver chimed in. "If we're going to move, it needs to be now."
"Right now?" Clark sounded dubious.
"You know Lex is scrambling signals faster than we can track them. He could be on the move as we speak. It needs to be now," Lana argued.
Lois could almost see Clark running his hand through his hair as his next comment sounded anxious. "I don't want to leave Kara. This party is for her, and … uhm Lois went to a lot of trouble to put it together-"
"With you on this, we could be back before they know we're gone," Oliver persisted.
"I doubt that."
From the tone of Clark's voice, Lois knew that he'd probably heard her and Chloe. She regretted even more letting her cousin talk her into this.
"Look, if Lois knows your secret, she'll understand," Oliver told Clark and then in a lower tone of voice, as if to himself, "I wish I'd figured that out-"
Clark's voice interrupted in an irritated tone that contained just a hint of resentment. "What about Kara?" Clark countered. "She was taken to the Phantom Zone and left there by Brainiac. I didn't look for her; didn't think about him leaving her there. I abandoned her in that hell hole, and I need to spend time with her now that she's back. She's family."
"Clark, if Lex knows your secret he could destroy your family … and everything else that you've worked so hard for," Lana insisted, a little dramatically Lois thought.
"All this time and he hasn't made a move," Clark responded. "I'm willing to risk that he won't do anything before tomorrow."
"It's your life," Oliver muttered, and Lois bristled in response. In some ways Oliver hadn't really changed from the future; she was just now seeing how much he badgered Clark … was it frustration or envy?
Heavy footsteps sounded from above and so Lois moved, taking that as the cue to leave. Unfortunately, when she turned to her cousin, Chloe was passed out, snoring lightly against the wall. Bending low, making an effort not to mutter in disgust, Lois tried to toss Chloe over her shoulder. Grunting with the effort, she stopped at the sound of a familiar mocking voice.
"Need some help?"
Rolling her eyes, Lois kept her voice at a whisper. "No thanks, Ollie. I've got it."
"Yeah, I can see that," Oliver said as Lois struggled to get to her feet, Chloe's dead weight more than she expected.
"Out of my way," he sighed exasperatedly. When Lois moved, he lifted Chloe with ease and cradled her against his chest.
"Any particular place you want Sleeping Beauty?" Oliver asked, evidently surprising himself with his words. Lois caught his startled look before it was covered by his usual mocking expression.
"Couch for now," Lois whispered, wanting to get out of the barn as quickly as possible.
"You know," he said leaning toward her and keeping his voice low. "The Lois I know would have stormed the fortress by now." His eyes darted up to the loft.
"Maybe I'm not the Lois you know anymore," she told Oliver, disgusted at herself for listening to Chloe, for being discovered by Oliver, and for eavesdropping at the bottom of the stairs.
Studying her face with a serious expression, he shifted Chloe a little before he responded, "No, you're tougher." He shook his head, "Clark's an idiot," he muttered before turning with arms full of Chloe to walk out of the barn.
Staring after Oliver, trying to process his words through a now pounding head, the last thing she expected were Lana's soft words wafting down from the loft.
"Clark, you know I'm only trying to protect you."
Lois shivered at the silence that greeted her statement. It seemed deafening in the cold night air, and she found herself wanting to shout to Clark to walk away, turn away, say something …
"Clark?" Lois heard the uncertainty in Lana's soft voice and flinched at it. She needed to get out of here but her legs wouldn't carry her. Lois felt frozen in place by the woman above, afraid to leave and afraid to stay.
"I know, Lana," Clark's voice sounded resigned. "It just seems that …"
"What?" Lana's voice didn't sound so soft anymore.
"I can't shake the feeling that you've got your own reasons for going after Lex."
"Why would you think that?" Lana's tone was pained. "After all we've been through, you still don't trust me, do you?"
Even on her own, Lois couldn't resist rolling her eyes. Was that girl always so dramatic?
"It's not that ... I'm just worried about you. This thing with Lex has become an obsession."
Clark's tone was caring and Lois felt it squeeze her heart, even though logically she knew that Clark cared about all of his friends. Still, something about Clark's tone penetrated enough that Lois could move and so she took a couple of steps, only to be stopped by the sound of Lana's harsh laugh. It was filled with pain.
"You think this is about Lex?" Lana's tone changed from pained to coaxing. "It's always been about you, Clark. You have no idea what I've done, what I'm willing to do, for you … for us."
"Uh, Lana," Clark's voice was apologetic. "I ... I, uhm-"
"It's all right, Clark, I know I need to prove myself to you. I'm willing to take the time to do that."
The silence that followed was more than Lois could handle. It seemed to continue for hours even though Lois knew it was only minutes before she could move again. With tears in her eyes, she stumbled out of the barn and back to the light of the farm house, her wayward brain filling in the silence that trailed behind her like a nightmare.
She reached the porch before the nightmare caught up with her.
"Oh, didn't you know? In every incarnation of Clark Kent, you are his second choice," the creature chuckled as Lois felt the words hit home.
Falling on the stairs, she barely felt the shock to her knees as the pain in her head turned sharp and piercing. Just managing to contain a cry, her last thought was, "Not now, not here" before the memory pulled her in.
A scream escaped her lips as Lois fought against the Darkness. Having watched her until the first sliver of dark found a way past her barriers, the other Clark, the essence of the Darkness, drifted out the door confident that his shadows would now finish the job. They worked their way into her body, trying to take over, the entire process a violation, a desecration of self. Lois resisted with every fiber of her being but it wasn't long before she realized that resistance simply increased the pain.
She screamed again until, after what seemed like an eternity, her senses started shutting down one by one. First her vision darkened. After that, her hearing was lost. Eventually, her sense of touch was all that was left. Still, she resisted. She would not be taken.
Somehow, through the pain, she could feel soft soothing hands, cool hands that seemed to warm with every caress. She didn't remember when they started but focusing on them kept her mind off of the agony. Eventually, she leaned into the steady strokes, grasping the hand that was continuously rubbing soft circles in her palm. The pain eased just a little.
Knowing she could move freed her until she searched for something of her own to touch. Finding a face close to hers, she explored the plains and valleys of it, memorizing with her fingers what she knew intimately with her eyes. When her fingers touched soft, cool lips, they moved against her hand, eliciting a sigh from her.
She could feel her body tilt as she was placed gently on the bed. The pain lessened and she could hear – the sound of the silk sheets, quick breaths mixed with her own. The caresses continued to soften the hurt and she opened her eyes, finding his face above hers, blurry but recognizable.
His expression stole her breath. It was so … Clark.
Through it all his hands continued their soft caresses, each touch easing the pain. Her head cleared and she realized that somehow, in some way, he was saving her with his touch. She wanted - no, needed - to do the same for him.
So she kissed him with everything she had, sensing his surprise as she did. It didn't take long, however, before he was returning her kisses and setting her body on fire. Running her hands through his hair, she gloried in its silky softness and then let her hands roam lower, over his t-shirt and under it, gliding her fingers over the coolness of his skin. She could feel his skin warm with each touch, each caress, and each kiss.
Gray eyes turned blue and the look in them was intense and filled with desire. His eyes held hers, while his hands continued to touch, roaming up and down her body, now replacing pain with pleasure. In an instant, being his second choice didn't matter. He was saving her and she was doing the same for him. She felt exhilarated and alive, realizing that she had the ability to free him from the Darkness.
Her caresses became more determined and deliberate. His shirt was a barrier that was quickly removed. Somehow, when he pulled her against him, her shirt was gone as well. Just the feel of his skin on hers caused her to cry out in pleasure, all the Darkness inside her completely banished.
In Clark's eyes, however, she could see the pain that lingered.
"It's okay," she told him, stilling as his hand brushed against the scars on her neck. "It's okay," she said again as the passion in his eyes turned to fear and then to horror. "Clark, I promise, it'll be okay. You can start over; we can start over …"
He moved away from her, off the bed, and Lois could only imagine the terrors that were playing out in front of him as his now darkened eyes looked off into the distance. She scrambled forward, her jean-clad knees becoming twisted in the sheets and bringing his attention back to her. Staring at her with disbelief a lone tear ran down his face. Without any other warning he launched himself from the room, flying out the balcony doors with a primal cry.
Still on the stairs, still on her knees, Lois felt her body rocking as the tears streamed down her face. The fact that J'onn was the first one to find her made the memory seem even more real. No words were needed as she looked up at him through her lashes. When he sat down next to her, it was just as before.
"Lois … you did what you needed to do."
Her tear-streaked face looked at him. "Then why does it feel like a failure?"
"You've gotten through to him when no one else could. That's not a failure, Lieutenant," J'onn nudged her with his shoulder at the use of his pet name for her. "And, with what we've learned maybe we can develop a plan ..."
A shout from the area of the barn brought her out of it, and Lois jumped at the sound of her name. With J'onn's arm around her she turned to sit on the step next to him, keeping her eyes on his shirt and not the form of the man running in their direction, panic in his voice.
"Lois!"
Her peripheral vision could see him slow when he realized that she wasn't alone.
"She's all right Kal-El," J'onn told him, squeezing Lois' shoulders. "But she needs some help inside, I think."
"What?" Lois exclaimed, feeling a little betrayed by her friend. How could he suggest that when he knew …
"The future does not have to repeat itself," he said quietly in her ear before he moved away.
Her wide eyes followed him, ignoring his farewell remarks to Clark, as her mind replayed his words. How could history not repeat itself? Lois had given everything - her heart, her body and her mind - and it wasn't enough. It was never going to be enough. She hadn't saved Night the first time around and she wasn't doing much to save Clark in this time either. Maybe he didn't want to be saved, at least not by her. What more did J'onn think she could give?
Fighting the urge to curl up in a ball and simply shut out the world, Lois straightened instead, grabbing the stair rail and pulling herself slowly to her feet. This wasn't the future; she didn't need saving by Clark and the last thing she wanted was his pity. It was time to re-group.
Still a little shaky, knees wobbling, she turned to make her way up the stairs on her own, pausing on the second step to consider J'onn's words. What did he see that she was missing? Silently, she cursed her friend's enigmatic expressions, searching for the energy to get inside.
Her curses became more boisterous when she felt the world tilt. One second she was on the porch steps and the next she was in Clark's arms, holding onto them for balance. With one arm under her knees and the other behind her back, Clark pulled her against his chest and carried her into the kitchen without breaking stride. Lois found herself gazing at his clenched jaw …
Gallant and stupid.
"Put me down," she hissed, looking over his shoulders for Lana, but the petite brunette and her car were gone. For a moment Lois wondered where but then pushed all thoughts of Lana from her mind, worried that her insecurities would trigger another future memory. She didn't need any more of those right now.
Clark ignored her, stopping in the middle of the kitchen where a flustered Kara met up with them, wet washcloth in her hand.
"Lois, Clark … everything all right?"
"I'm fine," Lois told her, fighting to get down. To her consternation, Clark only tightened his grip in response.
"Who's that for?" Clark asked, pointedly ignoring Lois.
"For Chloe," Kara replied, looking a little harried. "She woke up feeling quite ill, I'm afraid. Jimmy's with her upstairs. I told him they could have your room for the night, Lois. I hope that's okay."
"It's fine. I'll bunk with you," Lois told her, talking to Kara's retreating back as she hurried up the stairs.
Without releasing Lois, ignoring her struggles, Clark followed Kara up the stairs.
"What are you doing?" Lois asked through gritted teeth, trying to hang on to anger and block out the strong feelings his touch evoked. Her body was tingling in response, the recent memory only enhancing the effects. Each part of skin felt tender, overly sensitive, and she was aware of every finger along her ribs his hard arm cushioning her back. Even the undersides of her knees were tingling. It was all she could do not to rest her face against his chest and simply breathe him in. His scent - like sunshine and the outdoors - always affected her, even at the worst times.
Lost in her body's reactions, Lois was surprised when Clark glanced down at her and she noticed anger glittering in his eyes. "I'm taking you upstairs."
"I don't think so," Lois told him, her own anger surfacing at the look in his eyes. What did he have to be angry about? She was the one who was hurting emotionally and physically. Minutes ago he'd been worried about Lana. Where was his concern for Lois then? "We just had a party and I need to clean the kitchen. It's a mess."
"Oh, we hosted a party, huh?" Clark's words were quiet but determined as he lowered his nose until it almost touched hers. "I don't remember having a say." His eyes glanced quickly to her lips before he pulled away. "I'll clean up. You could barely stand a few minutes ago."
"I'm fine," Lois insisted, hating the breathless quality of her voice, as her eyes responded by staring at Clark's mouth, her heart beating at the concern under the anger. It was hard to maintain her frustration when he was being so, so ...
A grunt was his only response.
Male.
Sometimes he was all male.
Lois almost smiled at the thought until they passed the bathroom door, where they could hear Chloe retching. Lois winced in sympathy instead, having been there just a few times. Clark didn't stop but continued until they reached her bedroom, finally putting her on her feet just outside the door. Lois tried to step away, put some distance between them, but stumbled. Clark gripped her arms to hold her steady. He was still too close for comfort but Lois didn't move, waiting for her legs to function properly. Her knees ached.
"Lois, what was that on the porch - another episode?"
"No, I just tripped, that's all," Lois lied, lowering her gaze, knowing he would force her to go to the hospital if he saw the truth. She focused on one boot-clad foot and concentrated on keeping her breathing even and her heart rate normal, knowing that if he used his super senses he could tell if she was lying.
"Lois-" he started but didn't finish. Peeking up through her lashes, she saw that distant look on his face, the one that told her he was hearing cries for help.
"Go," she told him, pushing him toward the stairs. "Take care of someone who really needs you."
After giving her one last look - a mixture of frustration, worry and anger - Clark super sped away, the air stirring Lois' hair and almost tripping her with its force. Rising up through her own hurt, anger and fear, a sense of pride filled Lois as she pictured the Blur in action. Was she focused on the wrong things? Clark was saving people - that was crucial. Who he loved and who loved him - not so much.
It was the sound of Chloe's retching that brought her back to reality. Lois sighed and grabbed some pajamas from her room before making her way to a strange bed. Her thoughts continued to churn while she got ready. What should she do? Should she wait for Clark? That could take forever. Should she give up? That wasn't in her nature.
Right now her knees were aching. Crawling into bed, Lois finally gave into her urge to curl up and shut out the world. She was too tired to clean up after all.
Kent farm, next morning
The scream that echoed through the farm house woke Lois from a dead sleep. Disoriented, heart racing, she scrambled to get out of bed, reaching for her knife, only to realize that it wasn't there.
It was a minute before she remembered that she was in the Kents' bedroom, having shared the room with Kara. By the time she heard the second, more agonized cry, Lois pulled herself together and was out the door and down the hall, skidding to a stop when she saw Kara escorting Jimmy from Clark's bedroom to the bathroom.
He was cradling his arm and it was covered in blood.
"Jimmy?"
His shocked freckled face looked up at hers before a pale and shaken Kara spoke.
"You should go in there, Lois, I think Chloe needs you."
Lois sprinted to the bedroom, heart pounding, only to find Clark sitting on the bed with a wide-eyed Chloe who was crying hysterically, her hands still clutching Lois' knife. Hands and knife were spattered with blood.
"Chloe?" Lois asked her voice raspy from sleep and shock.
Clark looked up from where he was whispering to Chloe, his arm around her shoulders, his eyes full of fear.
Lois walked slowly up to the bed and reached out to cover the knife with her own hands. Slowly, very slowly, she pulled it from Chloe's grip, watching her cousin closely. When it slid from her fingers, Chloe looked up and Lois winced at the anguish in her cousin's face.
"Chlo?"
"I didn't know," she muttered, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I didn't know."
"Didn't know what, baby?" Lois asked sitting down on the other side of Chloe.
This time, when green eyes met hazel, Lois saw something she'd missed the first time around.
"I didn't know who he was," Chloe said simply, and Lois felt a sharp pain in her chest as she recognized the emptiness behind Chloe's gaze.
For just a minute, she felt her breath hitch, but she fought down the panic, knowing that she had to keep it together for her cousin's sake. Chloe was clearly terrified.
"Is he really my fiancé?" Chloe asked, moving even closer to Clark for support, while eyeing the bloody knife in Lois' hands with revulsion.
"Yes, baby. That was Jimmy," Lois told her calmly, trying to keep her own composure.
"Lois, it's like … I've never … I've never seen him before in my life."
Lois caught Clark's gaze over Chloe's shoulder and she could see the questions and the concern there, mirroring her own.
"Lo, what else am I forgetting? God, what if I forget you and Clark? What's happening to me?"
"I don't know but we'll find out," Lois told her, trying to sound soothing, while she continued to watch Clark, the expression on his face telling her they were on the same page, at least as to this. Chloe needed their help.
Metropolis General, same day
In the waiting room, Lois sat hunched over, coffee in hand, legs bouncing. After a minute she stopped to take a sip out of the cup. Shuddering at the taste, she held the cup between her hands as her legs once again seemed to take on a life of their own.
She heard his footsteps before she felt his presence. Her legs stilled.
"Lois, how is she?" Clark voice was low and concerned.
"Tests," Lois struggled to find her own voice. "She's in her second round of tests." Her legs started up again as she continued to look down at her coffee. "They don't know what's wrong."
She felt Clark sit down next to her. In a second his warm hand was on her knee and her legs stopped bouncing. Her eyes closed as her heart rate slowed and she took a deep, steadying breath.
"Lo-"
She interrupted him, her calmer body still not ready for his sympathetic voice. It could break her like nothing else. "How's Jimmy?"
"He was released an hour ago," Clark told her quietly. "He's at the Talon sleeping off the pain pills. Kara's there. No tendons or muscles were damaged. He'll have full use of the arm in no time."
"Good," Lois commented, taking a shaky breath.
Very deliberately, Clark reached his hand around the coffee cup and removed it from her icy fingers. Her gaze followed the cup until she was looking at Clark's worried face.
She felt tears prick the backs of her eyes. "They don't know what's happening to her," Lois told him and watched as a resigned look crossed his face, followed by a slight wince.
She probably wasn't supposed to see it but she'd been around him too long to miss that look.
"You do know what's happening, don't you?" Lois asked realization dawning. She grabbed his arm and her mind leaped to the logical conclusion. "What is it, Clark."
He didn't respond and she saw the twinge of guilt in his expression. Fighting down the panic, she considered the options and it hit her. "No … it's that Brainiac thing isn't it?" She tried to shake him in frustration but it was like moving a rock, his face filled with regret. He turned away from her and she reached up to pull his face back. "Look at me," she ordered. "It doesn't matter how this happened … how do we get it out of her?"
Clark flinched but his gaze never left hers. "Lois, I'm not sure."
"But…" Lois urged.
"I think if I-"
"Mr. Kent … Clark," a familiar voice interrupted. "And Ms. Lane, it's nice to see that you're not the patient this time."
As the two faces turned to stare at him in surprise, Dr. Hamilton cleared his throat a little before looking down at his chart. "Right, well, we've run every test we can think of, but so far we haven't been able to find anything wrong with your cousin except that she's quickly losing her memories."
At Lois' death stare, he nervously pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Uhm, I was wondering if there's any history of mental illness; her records from Smallville indicate that she had some sort of break a couple of years-"
"So, if there's nothing medically wrong, does that mean she can go?" Clark asked, and Lois looked at him in surprise. It wasn't like Clark to interrupt. He was usually too polite. Dr. Hamilton gave him a speculative look.
"It's just that Chloe is a little sensitive about her family history," Lois added, surprised at the mulish look on Clark's face. She'd almost forgotten about how sensitive Clark could be about this issue. She remembered the incident a couple of years back. Chloe had been possessed by a ghost and Clark refused to accept the diagnosis of mental illness. In fact, he'd busted Chloe out of the hospital and kept her from being committed to Belle Reve. Even after she and Lois had been kidnapped, Clark had been there, taking care of them.
He'd probably saved them, even then.
For some reason, at those memories, Lois felt a sense of hope. Clark would figure out a way to fix this and he wouldn't give up. Lois wasn't used to relying on someone else but knowing that Clark had saved them before, that he'd fought for Chloe until everything was resolved, it made her feel better. This time he'd even talked to her about the problem and not just brooded about it. Now they needed to figure out what to do, which meant they needed some privacy.
"So there is some history?" Dr. Hamilton shot a nervous look in Clark's direction.
"Well, you should probably ask Chloe about that," Lois told him, reaching for Clark's arm, anxious to get away to talk about solutions. "Can we see her?"
"Oh, what? Of course," the doctor told them, making some notes on his chart.
Lois pulled Clark along, ready to get started. Clark looked at her, a little surprised by her haste, but he kept up until they were stopped at the waiting room door by a distressed Oliver.
"What happened to Chloe?" Oliver asked, glaring at Clark.
"She's experiencing some memory loss," Clark told him, glaring back at Oliver while Lois was trying to move them around her former boyfriend so they could get to Chloe.
"Where are you going?" Oliver finally realized that they were trying to leave.
"Uhm, we have to run an errand," Lois lied, suspecting that Oliver would want to come with them if he knew they were visiting Chloe. "You're welcome to talk to her doctor. He's over there." Clark nodded toward Dr. Hamilton, eyes a little wide a Lois' lie.
"Emil?" Oliver asked, moving past Lois and Clark into the waiting area.
They both stopped when they heard Oliver call the doctor by his first name. Lois turned as the doctor's gaze seemed to focus from his charts to Oliver. "Oliver Queen?"
"You two know each other?" Lois asked.
"Uhm, yes, Dr. Hamilton works for Queen Industries, from time to time," Oliver told them raising his brows meaningfully.
Lois looked at Clark but he was as surprised as she was if his expression was any indication. Taking only a second to digest that information, Clark cleared his throat. "Well, then, he can fill you in," he said dragging Lois out into the hall.
"Clark," Lois practically shouted, trying to keep up with his long strides. He was finally moving like a man with a plan. "What are we doing?"
"We're not doing anything," Clark told her firmly. "I think I know how to help Chloe, but I have to get her out of here first."
"Last door on the left," Lois told him, running a little to keep up. "And by the way, whatever it is you have planned, you're not leaving me out."
Clark stopped just outside Chloe's door and sent her a perturbed look that spoke volumes.
It's too dangerous.
Lois' didn't need to say the words as she faced Clark and squared her shoulders determinedly.
I don't care.
In the end, it didn't matter. When they entered Chloe's room, she was gone.
Talon, late afternoon
Lois caught her breath when she felt the rush of air behind her. She jumped a little and turned.
"Clark, warn a - oh, Kara," Lois exclaimed. "You guys need to give people some warning before you do that."
"Sorry," Kara said twinkle in her eyes from super speeding fading quickly.
"No luck?" Lois asked her.
She shook her head, looking up the stairs. "Jimmy?"
"He's still sleeping," Lois told her. "I just came down here to, you know, stretch my legs." The Talon was closed, having limited hours on Sunday, and Lois was taking advantage of that fact. Truth was, she just couldn't sit with Jimmy again watching and wondering where her cousin was, even if it wasn't in a hospital this time.
Clark breezed in only minutes later after Kara had gone upstairs to check on Jimmy. By then, Lois was sitting at one of the tables chewing on her thumbnail. Lost in her own thoughts and fears, she didn't even jump when the breeze signaled Clark's arrival.
"Any luck?" Lois asked when Clark didn't say anything.
He simply shook his head, looking at her with a mixture of guilt and sympathy. Unable to hold his gaze, Lois jumped up ready to search for her cousin just as Clark's phone rang.
"Hello, Oliver," Clark said checking the ID. "No, no luck from this end … you? Okay, we'll let you know if we find anything." Clark put the phone back in his pocket, concern on his face.
"I know," Lois told him, putting her hand up as she walked around the table.
"Wait, Lois, where are you going?" Clark asked her, panic in his voice.
"Where do you think, Clark? I'm going to look for my cousin," Lois told him heading for the door.
Before she could reach it, Clark grabbed her arm. "Just a minute and I'll-"
Whatever Clark was going to say was interrupted by the opening of the coffee shop door. Both Lois and Clark watched as Chloe entered with Davis Bloome.
"Chloe!" Lois shouted, running at her cousin and throwing her arms around her, ignoring Davis for the time being.
It was only when Chloe didn't return the hug that Lois pulled back and looked at the paramedic and then back at her cousin. Green eyes stared back with no sign of recognition.
"What did you do to her?"
At Lois' loud voice, Chloe stepped closer to Davis, fear in her expression. "Davis, what are we doing here?"
"I told you, Chloe," Davis said calmly, his eyes begging Lois to calm down. "You know these people and they can help you."
"But I don't remember them," Chloe said in an agonized tone. "I only remember you. Can I just stay with you?"
Lois watched intrigued as Davis' expression reflected his internal struggle. He obviously wanted to be with Chloe, but when he looked at Lois and Clark, his expression said he knew that she needed more. "You need help, Chloe …"
Clark spoke up softly, "We can help you Chloe. We're your friends-"
"And family," Lois interrupted in her own softer tone, smiling at her cousin.
Chloe's return smile didn't reach her eyes. She turned back to Davis. "You're a paramedic. If anyone can help me, you can. Davis, please …" Chloe urged pulling on the front of Davis' jacket.
Dark eyes looked at Lois for a minute and he nodded, asking her to trust him. Looking at how desperate and afraid Chloe appeared, she met his gaze and nodded back, letting him know that she would.
"I tell you what, Chloe. I'll stay with you," Davis said, pulling Chloe to his chest. As Clark moved forward, Lois held out her hand to stop him. Reaching into his pocket with one hand, Davis pulled out a hypodermic with the other and shot Chloe in the arm.
"Wha …" she said and then she went limp against Davis' chest. Clark rushed forward to grab her as Lois looked at the paramedic.
"How did you find her?"
"She found me working outside the hospital," Davis told them. "She was pretty freaked out; said she didn't know why she was at the hospital and that she didn't recognize anyone. As soon as I could persuade her, I brought her here."
"What was in the needle?" Lois asked still a little suspicious.
"Just a sedative," Davis shrugged. "She was getting hysterical about even talking to anyone besides me. It'll wear off in a few hours. I hope you guys are going to take her back to the hospital," Davis said, his expression clearly concerned for Chloe. "Memory loss can be serious."
"Don't worry; we'll take care of her," Clark told him, still holding Chloe easily against his chest.
Lois nodded and caught the paramedic's eye. "Thanks," she told him sincerely.
Davis nodded and left as Lois watched his retreating form. She knew what he'd done in the past but today he'd saved her cousin. Watching him go through the doors, she felt a sudden sense of unease. What was she going to do about him? What could she do, really?
Still thinking about Davis, Lois was shocked when she felt the familiar rush of air that signaled Clark's departure with Chloe.
She turned to look around the shop anyway, knowing that they were gone but still stunned by the fact that Clark had simply taken her cousin and left. Furious, Lois resisted the urge to stomp her foot and instead headed toward the stairs, ready to force Kara to take her to wherever Clark and Chloe had gone. At the base, she was stopped when Clark suddenly appeared in front of her.
Still fuming she poked him in the chest, "Smallville, about time you came-"
With a muttered, "Sorry, Lois," she felt a pain in the back of her head and she was out.
Fortress of Solitude, that evening
Lois opened her eyes. She was in heaven or at least what she thought was heaven the first time around. Feeling an unusual sense of peace considering the circumstances, Lois lay still and let her eyes roam around taking in the beauty of the place.
A booming voice shook her out of her reverie.
"My son, there is a problem."
Looking for someone, anyone, she jumped when she heard Clark's voice respond in a near shout.
"What's the problem; what's wrong?"
"I can restore your friend's memories, leaving out your heritage," the voice emphasized, "but the other woman's mind has certain protections that I cannot breach without harming her." Lois couldn't resist looking for the source of the voice, at the same time she was wondering why this unfamiliar voice was referring to Clark as "my son."
"What do you mean?" Clark asked. "What protections?"
"These protections are not of my doing, Kal-El," the emotionless voice seemed to fill the space. "Just know that I cannot remove them without causing her irreparable harm."
There was a pause, and Lois used the time to finally process the words. The voice was telling Clark that it could restore Chloe's memories. She was obviously the friend, while Lois was the other woman. Lois winced at the sound of that. But what did the voice mean about leaving out Clark's heritage?
"My son, we must hurry if we are to finish before your friend wakes."
"Why is Lois' mind protected?" Clark asked as much to himself as to the voice.
The echoing voice answered anyway. "It appears that she has a destiny of her own."
"Destiny," Clark said, and she could hear the dread in his voice. "What destiny?"
"That I can't tell you, only Lois Lane can reveal it, should she choose to."
At the sound of her name, Lois sat up. How did this voice know her? All of this must be part of Clark's history. Clearly, he was using it to help with Chloe, but why was Lois here? She rubbed the back of her head which was still a little tender, and turned to find Clark. She needed to see him to understand. What was he doing?
Looking to her left, she finally spotted him, standing with his back to her, his typical red and blue ensemble dramatic against the clear white of his surroundings. Power and uncertainty shimmered in the air around him, a combination that was unique to Clark and somehow magnified in this environment.
This wasn't heaven. This place belonged to him, to his heritage. Lois could feel it.
When she realized she was sitting on a raised platform, she swung her legs over the side and waited for Clark to see her. Just out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Chloe on a similar platform a few feet away, her face looking pale in the white light.
"Can you at least give Chloe her memories back?" Clark asked, talking up and into the air around him. Lois studied the space but couldn't see anyone.
"Yes, I will begin when you are ready."
As Lois watched, Clark walked over to the platform where Chloe lay and gently kissed her forehead. With a trembling hand, he brushed her hair back and straightened. Determined, he stepped back and spoke. Whatever he was doing was distressing to him, Lois could see that. She could also see that he'd made up his mind.
"I'm ready."
Before anything could happen, before Clark even knew she was there, Lois jumped off the platform. Standing there, his earlier words penetrated her brain and she called out to stop him.
"Clark!"
When he turned and looked at her, Lois' legs almost buckled.
His eyes were dark and filled with torment. Somehow in this place the emotions Clark always hid so carefully were laid bare before her, the raw need in his expression taking her breath. His desire to be accepted was so strong and yet it constantly warred with his longing to care for others. He never wanted anyone to be hurt because of him, yet everyone he loved was at risk. It was a constant battle he waged, usually on the inside but now, in this place where he planned to wipe away his best friend's memories of his real identity, everything was at the forefront.
Clark believed he was making the unselfish choice but it was breaking him. Standing there in his great power and uncertainty, Lois thought that he had never looked more beautiful … or more wrong.
"Lois, what are you doing?"
"Trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake," she told him firmly.
"What mistake? I'm restoring Chloe's memories. I mean, this fortress is restoring Chloe's memories."
"All of them?" Lois asked, undeterred, taking a step forward.
"Lois-"
"Clark," she interrupted, taking another step forward.
Clark couldn't hold her gaze and his blue eyes looked down. "It's dangerous to know my secret, Lois. Look at what Brainiac did to her," he emphasized by pointing over to Chloe's pale form.
"I know what happened, Clark, but life is dangerous. Does that mean you'd take that as well?" Lois watched his shocked expression with sympathy. "People are who they are because of their memories and experiences. If you keep any from her, you'll be keeping part of Chloe," Lois took another step forward as Clark's eyes came back to hers, confusion and consideration in them. "You aren't God, Clark. You don't have the right to keep a part of Chloe away from her."
"My son is making a selfless decision," the booming voice responded when Clark remained silent.
"Yeah, well," Lois said speaking up as Clark had done. "Just because his motives are good doesn't make it right."
Lois lowered her eyes to Clark's.
"Chloe didn't ask to learn my secret, Lois," he told her, his expression letting her know that he was working things through in his own mind. "Alicia took Chloe - practically kidnapped her - and showed her what I can do."
"Still," Lois debated with him. "Your secret is part of who she is now, whether you like it or not. That knowledge has influenced her, molded her, and guided her decisions. Who are you to say she shouldn't know? Maybe in the grand scheme of things, she needs to know."
"Grand scheme of things … like a destiny," Clark mused, his gaze growing intense. "Do you believe in destiny?"
"Who am I to say one way or the other …" Lois emphasized with a shrug of her shoulders. "I do believe that things happen for a reason."
"Kal-El, we must proceed-"
"Just hang on, big guy," Lois interrupted, wanting Clark to work this through for himself.
At her response, Clark looked shocked and actually smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.
He was staring, seemingly looking right through her, before he shook his head. "What about you? Are you saying that you wouldn't give up some memories if you could?"
Lois' gaze slammed into Clark's and he flinched at her incredulous look. Her heart stopped as she understood why she was here.
Feeling a sudden, sharp pain like a dagger, Lois could only whisper, "Which ones, Clark?"
At his silence, she continued, her voice stronger, only hinting at the hurt. "Do you regret telling me already?"
His stunned expression was genuine. "No, no," he shook his head for emphasis. "I wanted … I was trying to erase the ones that were causing your pain. Post-Traumatic Stress is serious, Lois, whether you think so or not. It would be better for you, better for your health if those memories were gone." Clark's voice trailed at the end, uncertain in the face of Lois' previous objections. "I thought this place could help you too."
At his words and his sincerity, the pain eased and Lois took the time to consider Clark's position. She thought about the memories that were causing her attacks - memories of the Darkness, Night, and the horrible things she'd seen in the future. Her first inclination was to tell Clark that she didn't want to lose any of her memories, any of herself. Unfortunately, she knew that he was right about them endangering her. Of course, most of those memories had been foisted on her by her older self, but she'd been given that choice.
After a few minutes of reflection, Lois was able to respond sincerely. "There are some things I'd like to forget, sure, but all of my experiences make up who I am right now. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't be standing here, ready to do what needs to be done."
"What needs to be done … like a destiny?" At her wide eyes, Clark narrowed his. "Lois, what is your destiny?"
She'd been dreading this question from him since she'd heard the booming voice telling Clark that she had one. She knew he wouldn't let it go. Her mind wandered back to the kitchen two mornings ago, when she'd felt vulnerable and terrified after revealing her feelings for Clark, the intensity of them rocking her to the core. Reflecting now, she knew what she needed to say. Somehow, seeing Clark here, in his great power and loneliness, bolstered her courage. Like everyone else, Clark was the totality of his experiences and if Lois held herself back then neither of them would know what kind of man he could be with her in his life.
It didn't matter what he decided in the long run. It might crush her, might destroy her heart and her soul but ultimately that's why she was here.
You must continue to support and challenge him …
No more holding back.
She needed to give him the truth. Looking back she knew she'd loved him for a long time - as a shy farm boy, as a mild-mannered reporter, as a hero with super-powers, and even as a shell of a man infected by the Darkness.
By protecting her heart, she wasn't just holding herself back, she was holding him back.
Keeping her eyes locked on his, she slowly closed the remaining distance between them and laid her hands softly on each side of Clark's face, watching his eyes widen in surprise. "My destiny," she told him, letting her feelings shine through the depths of her hazel eyes. "My destiny is to love you."
Doubt, shock, awe, and, finally, raw need swirled in the blue of Clark's eyes, each expression magnified in this place until Lois felt drawn to him by the sheer force of his desires.
Her hands seemed to work of their own accord to pull his face toward hers.
"Lois," he breathed, as if her name was the answer to a prayer, and he bridged the remaining distance.
When his lips met hers, Lois surrendered completely, overwhelmed by the power and loneliness that Clark poured into this one kiss.
Fortress of Solitude, twenty minutes later
Shivering in her light-blue shirt, she waited for Clark to retrieve her as soon as he dropped off Chloe at the Talon.
Lois smiled to herself at the success of the procedure. Chloe was otherwise healthy and had all of her memories intact. Ultimately, Clark decided not to hold anything back when restoring them.
Releasing a shaky breath, she inhaled deeply, feeling the expansion of her chest in the process. For the first time in years, she felt like she could breathe, really breathe. She'd revealed her true feelings to Clark, directly and honestly - no more holding back, no more running - and she felt liberated.
Not everything was resolved, she knew that, but for the first time in months while surrounded by Clark's crystal palace, Lois let herself hope for the future.
Walking around, she stopped to stomp her feet, rub her arms and wait. It seemed like Clark had been gone a long time. The very air was suddenly dark and cold. It was quiet, too quiet.
She passed Chloe's platform and stopped, noting how it looked considerably darker than it had when Chloe was on it. Lois wondered how late it was. She'd lost all track of time in the Fortress.
Tired, she leaned against the platform for just a second before Clark raced in. Happy to see him, she straightened, only to see his face grow concerned as he looked around.
"Lois, what happened here?"
His voice sounded like it was coming from a distance.
"Lois, what's wrong?"
"Lois!"
Her vision dimmed around the edges as Clark reached for her.