I do not own Harry Potter.

Sam

I feel the familiar tug as I apparate. For a moment, the world spins around me, making me feel dizzy, and I land hard on the grassy hill. Still haven't mastered landing. My head smacks into a large branch on the cherry tree. I place my hand on my now throbbing head and notice Remus sitting silently a few feet away from me.
"Hey," I say quietly, massaging my head. He doesn't answer. "Sirius said I should come see you." Still no answer. I sigh and sit beside him. He looks out at the ruins of what used to be a grassy field. I shudder at the memories the gaping hole in the ground brings. The air is still thick with smoke from the explosion. This one event changed all of our lives forever.
"Look," I start, but he cuts me off.
"You don't have to do this," he says. "Try to make me feel better. It's not working." I frown.
"Remus," I say. "I'm not here to make you feel better. I'm here to tell you that things aren't going to change. Kaelin's gone. You have to accept that." He stands up.

"Sam, I don't want to accept it," he says. "I can't."

"Remus, You have to move on with your life here," I say standing as well.

"Kaelin was my life," he growls. "I killed her didn't I?" I don't answer. "Didn't I Sam?" I close my eyes feeling anger building up.

"There are some things in life you don't need to know," I say calmly. Remus cries out in anguish.

"DID I KILL KAELIN?" he yells at me.

"Yes!" I cry. "Does that make you feel better? You killed her!" Fury rolls off me in waves. Remus backs down.

"I had to know," he whispers. "I can't go back to life knowing I'm a monster."

"You can't curl up in a helpless ball! We need you too!" I say my voice rising. "You're not the only one who lost someone! Kaelin was my best friend!" I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks, but I don't stop. "Do you know why? She died for a reason Remus! She died to save me, and every day, I wish she hadn't."

"I heard her," he says. "I heard every word she said, but I will not move on. I'll never move on," he says. "I'm glad she's dead. She doesn't have to live through this war anymore!"

"Then why can't you accept this and move on?" I ask. "None of us will ever forget her, but she wouldn't want you to act like this."

"You can't understand. I'm in love with her. I always will be," he roars. "You have Sirius; he's still living. You've never had to watch him die!"

"You think my time in prison was easy?" I cry. "Every single day I had to wonder if I'd live to see the next minute. I had no word on any of you! That last night, I tried to take my own life because I thought Sirius was dead. I know how it feels to lose someone Remus. You have no idea what it's like to not even know if you'll live to see the next morning as you're laying on a cold stone floor slowly bleeding to death!" I gasp for breath letting my words sink into him.

"You're right," he says finally. "I don't know, and I wish you didn't. You're one of my best friends, and I wish you never had to go through what you did. If I could have saved you, I would have."

"You did," I say quietly. "You and all the others. Kaelin's death saved us all. You're not a monster Remus. Kaelin loved you. She knew you'd be able to handle her dying. She knew you could learn to live again."

"It's been six months. Pain like this doesn't just go away," he says.

"The pain will never go away," I reply. "Not for any of us, but we can become stronger. Voldemort is rising quickly, and we can't grieve any longer. Every moment we're weak could mean someone's death."

"I know," he says. "I know."

"Remus, we need you. We need you to be strong again," I say. "For Kaelin."

"I will," he says. "I will avenge her death." I smiled weakly and hugged him tightly.

"As will I," I say. "Now come on. Siitting here won't bring her back, so let's go join the others. I'm sure Sirius and Harry are getting into lots of trouble."

"You left those two together?" he asks. I nod. "Well, let's hope the house is in one piece when we get there."

Sirius

Harry and I don't have to wait long until Lily returns with a panic stricken James behind her. Peter comes in next. "It has to happen now," he says. "Right now." I jump off the couch, eyes wide.

Lily has tears streaming down her face. "Will someone please tell me what is going on?" she begs. At that moment, a faint pop is heard from the front steps. Sam and Remus come in looking confused at the sight they behold.

"James and I found something at work a few weeks ago. Something big," I say. "We hoped it would pass over before this."

"What's wrong?" Sam asks dashing over and clinging to my arm. I hold her tightly nodding for James to speak.

"Voldemort wants Harry," he says sighing. Lily cries out and grabs the young boy, holding him in her arms and bursting into tears.

"For what?" Remus asks. "He's an infant!"

"We can't say," I say. "Dumbledore seems convinced we have a traitor in the order."

"A traitor?" Sam gasps. "Who?"

"We don't know," James sighs. "I refuse to believe it's one of us, but Dumbledore has forbade us from mentioning the affair."

"What do we do?" Remus asks.

"Fedilius charm," I say. "It's the only way."

"Who will be the secret keeper?" Sam asks.

"Sirius," James says looking right at me. "You've been my best friend since first year. I trust you more than anyone." I nod though I have another plan forming in my head.

"Thanks James. You know I'd give my life for you and Lily, and Harry of course," I say. "None of you can leave the house once the spell is cast." I remind them.

"We know," Lily says. "Let's get this over with."

Sam, Remus, and Peter leave the house that they can not enter once the spell was placed. "Wait James," I whisper before he can cast it. "I can't be the secret keeper."

"Why not?" he asks appalled. I sigh.

"It's too easy for them. They'd know it was me. It has to be someone else," I say.

"Remus?' James asks. I shake my head.

"Still too easy, and I won't put Sam in danger so don't ask," I say. "It has to be Peter. Think about it. No one would suspect the little coward to be chosen. There's no other way."

James thinks about it a moment. I don't dare tell him my real reasoning for choosing Peter over Remus. I have this feeling in the back of my head that Remus is our traitor. I know James hates to contradict or mistrust his friends, so I daren't mention it. "All right," he says. "Get Peter."

"No," I say. We can't cast the spell until tonight. After Remus and Sam go home. No one else can know about the switch. Not even them." James nods.

"We'll act like we've done it," he says. "I have to tell Lily." I nod not expecting James to keep even this from her. I hate that this has to happen, that this has to be so hard on them, but we have no other choice.