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Regret Shall Break The Soul
Part four.
Fear is temporary. Regret lasts a lifetime, and so, the regret shall be pressed to my lips until I can no longer breathe. For eternity, I shall love you, but never will I have you. I let my head rule my heart, and now I've lost. My soul is broken.
"Phillip?" Rachel asked as she found the young lad leaning against the wall of the car park. "Er, hi, Rach.", he stumbled, as he fidgeted with the straps of his school bag; it quickly became obvious that he felt awkward about something. Rachel felt obliged as his aunt to challenge him. After all, this was out of character for him and god forbid something were to happen to him. "Not gone home with your mum and Eddie?" Rachel frowned as she questioned him. She watched as he scuffed the bottom of his shoes against the tarmac and struggled to find an answer for her. "I er-", he stuttered, again. Rachel was becoming increasingly frustrated with his lack of communication, but sympathised with his awkward nature. She didn't push him, and quietly waited for him to give her an excuse. "I was just going to walk."
Phillip was lying, and he wasn't very good at it either. She noticed tiny beads of sweat gathering across his forehead. Immediately her motherly instincts kicked in and she rested her hand on his shoulder and asked worryingly, "Phillip, are you alright?" Phillip shrugged off her concern, pulled his bag tighter and created a distance between them. "Yeah, fine. See you tomorrow." Sensing his need to hurry, Rachel called after him, "I'll give you a lift!"
"No, Rach, honestly, it's fine. I'm going to stop by the library on the way home."
On her arrival home, Rachel checked to see if she'd had a response from Melissa after sending a rather concerned text message. She should have known better. Melissa was his mother, but she wasn't his mum. Phillip had moved from school to school, from one end of the country to the other, and all with no stability. Credit where credit is due, Melissa tried her best when he was young, and after all, she had been a single mum. Would Eddie provide Phillip with some grounding? Would he give him the stability he so desperately needed, or was it just too late?
"Thirty minutes. That's all she had to get ready for the school day. That second glass of merlot had pushed her limits, and it was as she put herself to bed last night that she knew she'd have a bad day tomorrow. Flinging her legs around the side of the bed, she gripped onto the sheets as a dizzy spell washed over her. Another reminder of that second glass too many. Finally, finding the motivation to move, she grabbed her robe before heading in the direction of her bathroom.
On passing, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked tired, or even exhausted. She could have sworn this job was adding years to her. She brushed her fingertips lightly across the bags of her eyes and prodded at the wrinkles that etched lightly into her skin. Something had to change. Realising time was not on her side, she jumped into the freezing cold shower in the hope it would save her from the hangover that loomed. The icy cold droplets lashed down onto her skin, causing her to simultaneously shiver, but strangely, it felt awakening. She spent a total of four minutes quickly showering and ran the hairdryer through her hair before styling it within the time given. Throwing her usual makeup on, she decided that today was the day. After the bombshell from her past, she'd always remained conservative with her workwear - it had been the fear of people judging her. Today, however, she decided on a tailored, boat neck black fitted dress. It was appropriate, stylish and a little out of her comfort zone, but it would do.
Eight thirty-five. That was the exact time she finally arrived, and granted, she was a little later than usual, but she was not late. Quickly grabbing her handbag from the passenger seat, she had no time to check her surroundings before climbing out of the car. She could have kicked herself for not being more cautious. Eddie and Melissa were three cars down and only yards away from her. "Wow Rach, haven't seen you in a dress like that for years! Who's the new man?", Melissa exclaimed as she teased her sister. Rachel was only too glad that she didn't skip out on the blusher that morning, as she was almost sure she was sporting a cherry red colour to her cheeks. Eddie, on the other hand, couldn't quite believe how Rachel was looking. He'd never seen her dress this way before, and he started to ponder why. Did she have a new man? Was she doing this because he was marrying her sister? There were so many questions that he hoped she would answer, but then again, knowing Rachel, he would never know.
"Did you get my message? About Phillip?", Rachel questioned in annoyance. Whether the boy had arrived home safely was a mystery to her, and she felt guilty she didn't force him into her car and watch him walk through that front door herself. Melissa rolled her eyes at her older sister's concern, and replied, "Relax, Rach, he's fine. He's fifteen now. He can get his own way home, you know?". Melissa always had a way of shrugging off everything that could have put even her own son in danger. "Mel, the poor lad was-" Rachel's frustration was obvious to Eddie, and in a bid to attempt to calm her down, he cut in, "He got home. Around five. Something to do with the library." He understood, and secretly, she wanted to thank him. Undermining Melissa probably wouldn't have been the best idea at this time, and quite honestly, it wasn't worth anymore of Rachel's energy. Instead, she gave a quick acknowledgement and continued, "I'll see you later for managers meeting?" Eddie nodded for confirmation and watched on as she walked ahead in a hurry.
Rachel began to set the agenda for the meeting, and got all three mugs topped up for herself, Tom, and Eddie. There wasn't much to discuss at the meeting, which was a blessing. The hangover had been adverted by two painkillers and a cup of strong coffee, but she didn't fancy sitting through an hour's meeting with Eddie. Just as she was thinking of the possibility of a hostile showdown, she heard a familiar voice at the door.
"Eight thirty-seven?", Eddie asked as he made his way to the chair. He took the seat next to her, and she was okay with that, but still confused at his use of numbers. It was obvious to everyone that he was a mathematician, but how was she supposed to decode these numbers. "Excuse me?", She did ask politely, of course. He smirked. "Twenty-two minutes late." He took a sip of his coffee and watched her defensiveness shine in all its glory; the way she shook her head and changed her tone.
"I was not late." Rachel retorted. She was unsure whether to be angry at his accusation or flattered at his observations. Eddie couldn't help himself, and decided to keep going, to keep teasing, "Twenty-two minutes is twenty-two minutes, Rach." He chuckled as she sat back in the chair, crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Typical Rachel. He was curious as to why she had been late. As playful as he might have been, her well-being was a top priority of his. Bringing his elbows to rest on the table, he twiddled his biro between his fingers, and questioned "Late night?". Rachel hesitated, before giving him a simple, "No." He raised his brows, and she knew he'd keep pressing until she told him. "Look, if you must know, I had the extra glass of merlot and quite frankly, I shouldn't have." Eddie's head shot up, and he laughed, "Oh, I see. So Miss Mason had too many on a school night and couldn't get out of bed?!", he was teasing her, and she smiled. It was a sight that he hadn't seen in the last few days, and he had missed her terribly.
"It's good to see you smile again." Rachel shuffled in her seat, unable to process his compliment. "Hey, sorry I'm late. Got held up with one of the kids.", Tom gushed as he sat himself down, almost breathless. Rachel nodded, picked up her sheet of paper, and carried on with the meeting. Sixty minutes was all she had to get through. Sixty minutes with Eddie right next to her. She could do this.