Chapter 8 - (Say It Ain't So)

"Come on!" Raizou said, grabbing me by my shoulders, "I've already opened my bento and it's gonna get cold soon!"

At that moment, I wasn't worried about the two of us acting like little kids in front of our kouhais and I simply laughed at his attempts to try and shove me from my spot to get me to head into the building.

As he walked behind me, I noticed that he had his phone in his hand.

"Hey! You're gonna drop your phone if you're not careful" I warned him as I finally stopped my resistance.

Just as I feared, he lost his footing and almost fell forward. I watched intently as his phone fell from his grasp.

Luckily, he was quick enough to grab it with his other hand before it bounced off the ground.

"Close one!" he heaved a sigh of relief.

"I told you to be careful" I chuckled, walking in front of him, "Let's head inside before you get into more trouble!"

He then grinned in response and slapped me on my right shoulder blade.

"Whatever you say, President-sama!" he said aloud.

I instantly cringed and shook my head in disdain. The idiot was still gung-ho on trying to paint me in a wrong light in front of our kouhais. Well…it wasn't inherently a bad thing but I really had enough of the undeserved adulation I had received from the other students, and his teasing amplified it almost every time.

What was even worse was seeing the students around us gawking at us like we were two hamsters inside a cage. I could never get used to the attention I had received and I wasn't going to stall on my way to the sanctity of our classroom.

Once inside the building, I was relieved to find that most of the students were still outside. A lot of those inside were my own classmates who, thankfully, had known me much better than my kouhais and senpais and didn't idolize me that much.

Taking a step on the first flight of stairs, I realized that my companion had his attention completely taken by his phone. He was gazing right at the screen, seemingly zoning out everything else.

Of course, that would make me quite curious.

"What are you looking at?" I asked as we began walking up the stairs.

"Just some things that I saved while you were off doing kendo" he replied nonchalantly.

Him being vague did nothing but raise my curiosity even more.

"What things? Show me" I said in an almost commanding tone.

Being the shameless idiot that he was, Raizou took his phone away from his face and put it carefully on the palm of my outstretched hand.

Before I could look at it, I had to first carry out the necessary protocols.

First, I scanned our surroundings for the presence of our teachers who might've been spying on us. Secondly, I had to take extra precautions to not view Raizou's phone where our kouhais could observe us.

Once I made sure no one was watching, I turned my attention back to the screen which had turned off due to inactivity.

"What is it?" I asked as I turned it back on, "A photo of Haa-chan? Another erotic photoshoot? Photos you took of our kouhais or-?"

I stopped mid-sentence to take in what was shown on the phone screen.

"Huh?" I narrowed my eyes in confusion.

My expectations were not that farfetched but I was left utterly perplexed and amazed the moment I saw the photo. Knowing Raizou, I thought I would've been graced with things that would've gotten me an earful from the disciplinary committee; but it wasn't that.

It was…strangely innocent.

"It's you…and the girls from yesterday…" I described what my eyes saw.

The photo in question was nothing more than Raizou taking a selfie with the kouhais from the baseball team. It was taken near the pitcher's mound of our baseball field and they all seemed to be enjoying themselves. Ishikawa-san, the short-haired girl, was the closest to my friend.

But then, I looked even closer and noticed something really profound.

"Why is Ishikawa-san hugging you?" I shot Raizou an inquisitive stare.

The idiot simply grinned and put his hands at the back of his head in a lax manner. I could sense a stupid explanation coming from his mouth.

As for me, I was prepared to scold him for flirting with our kouhais when they were supposed to be training hard for the festival. Just taking photos was alright but it was evident that he had done something more than just guide them through the motions.

"Hehe…figure that out" he winked.

"Explain" I demanded.

"Haha! There's nothing to explain!" he basically laughed in my face, "Keep scrolling."

I withheld my response in order to follow his instructions.

The next photos weren't taken by him as he was in the background with Ishikawa-san by his side.

"Wha-?"

I almost yelled out loud the moment I saw a picture of Raizou and Ishikawa holding hands.

For a few seconds, I tried to convince myself that what I was observing was nothing more than a doctored image specifically made to mess with me. Raizou would've never gone out of his way to actually get into a relationship with a girl, would he? Even though he was super open about discussing what kind of a girl he wanted and what he'd do if he had a girlfriend, it was all stupid talk, wasn't it?

He'd never actually do it, would he?

I tried convincing myself otherwise but the evidence was undeniable!

By some goddamned way, he had managed to get a girl to actually be interested in him!

Just my luck to find out two of my friends were having relationships behind my back.

"This…this is unbelievable" I groaned, giving the phone back to him.

"Yep! It looks nice, right?" he said as he placed an arm around me, "We had to do so many takes to get it perfect!"

I glared at him while we continued walking up the stairs.

"Does it matter? Why would you need it to get it perfectly?" I asked, "That isn't like a wedding photo shoot, you know."

That was my line of thinking. If two lovebirds were taking pictures together then does it matter if they needed to look perfect?

"Nah! You don't get many chances to do that" he asserted, "Perfect weather, perfect atmosphere and the perfect partner!"

I flinched in response.

"You're really flaunting that right now?" I shook my head in disappointment.

I had expected him to at least be a bit more considerate in how he talked about his relationship like Kasumi-senpai was. But it seemed as though he was still the same old idiot through and through. That might be a positive but I wasn't about to disregard how his significant other might feel about him talking about everything so casually.

"Everything's perfect!" he exclaimed with an obnoxious grin.

"Why do you kee-"

I was interrupted by him shoving his phone in my face again.

Annoyed, I shifted my attention to it to see what he was trying to show me.

It was a collage of movie posters which I faintly recognized as flicks that Raizou and I had viewed together in the past. I carefully looked through each one of them to get a grasp of what he was trying to imply by showing them to me.

And then, it hit me!

"Uh…is she, by chance, also a fan of these movies?" I inquired nervously, trying to hide my growing embarrassment.

Unfortunately, the answer was what I expected and not what I wanted.

"Yes!" Raizou replied enthusiastically, "I asked her if we could recreate the movie posters together 'cause they're so iconic!"

I slapped myself in my cheek, giving myself a scolding for wrongfully assuming that my friend had gotten into a relationship with our kouhais.

Of course, the idiot would've been alright with taking photos like those with that mindset; and not without taking into account the misunderstandings that could arise! And with his whole personality based on being extremely open with his thoughts, I instantly knew he never had true romantic feelings for Ishikawa-san and their interest for each other stemmed from their mutual love of certain media.

To be fair to myself, if anyone else saw those photos without context, they'd jump to the same conclusions.

"I…I agree" I sighed.

"What's the matter?" he inquired.

I froze for a moment.

There was no way I would openly admit to him that I had thought he was in a relationship with Ishikawa. That would only lead to him teasing me even more than he already did.

I decided to play it safe and simply ground our conversation back to a joking one.

"Short-haired girls are your types, huh?" I forced a smile to keep the façade up.

Luckily, it worked like a charm and he lost the confused expression.

"Possibly" he shrugged, "That's something I haven't explored yet, if you know what I mean."

We had already reached the floor where our classroom was located when I finally understood that innuendo. Paired with his mischievous visage, I was certain that he definitely intended to elicit a reaction out of me using that.

And he succeeded!

I recoiled away from him in disgust as realization dawned upon me. There wasn't even time for me to check for students near us when he said that!

"Can you not say it like that?" I grimaced.

"I'm just answering a question" he grinned unashamedly, "It's possible that short-haired girls are my type. That was my answer."

Shaking my head, I crossed my arms.

"You could've left it at that!" I asserted.

My friend's response was to laugh at me.

"You know, at least that's not the weirdest thing about what type of girls we're in to" he continued coolly, "By the way, you're still into older girls, aren't you?"

Anger, annoyance, mortification and anxiety followed that question.

My entire head turned bright red with unprecedented embarrassment as Raizou had revealed an assumption I wished would have never been brought to light ever again.

In the middle of the hallway outside our classroom, I gritted my teeth as I glared daggers at Raizou, basically staring a hole straight through him. I didn't care if that was a teasing remark or not but he had effortlessly pushed all my buttons with just one question.

"Hey! Shut up about that!" I warned him as I clenched my fist in front of him.

The fact that he didn't even flinch one bit pissed me off even more. How stupid was he to say that out loud when someone nearby could easily get the wrong idea?

"Am I wrong? Remember Minesawa-san?" he said smugly.

That took me back to my middle-school days in an instant.

The aforementioned person was a third year high schooler when I first step foot into middle school. She had also lived just down the road from our own household so seeing her wasn't a rare occurrence…especially when I was sorta enamoured by her appearance.

Raizou was the only person who knew of this secret attraction I had for this much older girl and at the time, I wasn't too bothered by his teasing. However, after Minesawa-san graduated and moved to another city for further cities, my little "crush" disappeared but the teasing didn't.

And every time he brought that up, I would turn red instantly.

"You'd never let me forget it" I continued glaring at him.

"And now, you've moved onto Kasumi-senpai!"

"That's stretching it!" I was prepared to give him a slap if he made any more embarrassing assumptions.

He wasn't exactly wrong about me switching attentions from Minesawa-san to Kasumi-senpai but it wasn't with the same intentions!

Placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder, he tilted his head and winked.

"Don't worry! I won't judge you for your tastes" he said to irritate me even further.

I would've loved to go off on him even more…and trust me, I would've taken the opportunity to shut him up and try to save face but I knew I had no time for that. Stoking the fire any more would only land me into more trouble and a higher chance of attracting unwanted attention.

"Just stop saying that while we're in school!" I requested exasperatedly, "And for the record: I don't have a specific type of girl I like!"

"More like you have none" he chuckled.

Strangely, that didn't irk me as much as I thought it would.

"Let's just have lunch…" I let out a groan, preparing to enter our classroom, "…this emotional roller-coaster is making me hungry…"

I was done attempting to police a situation that was having a detrimental effect on sanity and I felt I was better off resting my head for a while by eating my nerves away.

What the hell was wrong with the past few days though?

I had been through several years' worth of unexpected, embarrassing and strange situations and it was a miracle that I was able to start and end each day with my head still on my neck. Everything seemed to be turned up to the max and the worse thing was – it was only the beginning!

One could only imagine how berserk it would be when the festival actually started.

"Oh! Hirayama-sensei asked me to tell you to show up for the relay race" Raizou suddenly told me.

"Eh? Say what now?"

"You're in the track team" he simply explained, patting me on the back as he walked into class.

My eyes widened in shock as I threw my hands up in frustration. It was last the straw!

"I'M IN THE TRACK TEAM!?" I shouted.

Bombshell after bombshell fell on me in uncomfortably quick succession and I was left with more than I could handle.

Being asked to participate in the kendo club was kinda…meh! And the freestyle marathon wasn't a big deal but the track team? There were a lot of participants who would easily outclass me and they still added me to it!?

What the hell did they think I was? Some sort of a genetic freak who could breeze through everything?

…

To be fair, almost all of them didn't know me well enough to not put me on a pedestal so really, could I blame them for thinking I'd be leading them to victory in everything?

At that moment, I really wished I was taken back a week into the past where I'd have time to write a resignation letter.

But thank heavens, I did not pursue that idea!

As overwhelming as my life had been, I had a lot of genuine reasons to smile and a lot of moments to feel utterly satisfied by carrying out my responsibilities.

The attention I've garnered had been the most I've ever had in my life and though I wasn't sure if that would dissipate after the festival, it was undoubtedly an experience that only a handful of people ever had in our school. And even if I found it annoying most of the time, I could not argue that it was special!

Well, you might think that this introspection had just come out of the blue but in between the hours after lunch, I had a few minutes to truly assess my current situation.

And as much as I tried to be philosophical about it, I could not deny the simple fact that what had transpired in the past few days happened to me because this was a special period in my life and…

"…this is a special event for me!" I told Kasumi-senpai as we headed towards the exit.

Yes…I kinda skipped over the second half of the day but to be honest, all I did during that time was swap between watching the futsal practice and the baseball practice where I had no part to play despite being officially part of the baseball team.

And all that was left for me to do once the school bell rang to indicate the end of school hours was to wait for Kasumi-senpai near the school gates.

Luckily, I hardly had to wait for even a minute before she showed up.

I was apparently gazing at her intently as if I had something on my mind according to her but that was the truth.

The moment I saw her once again, a feeling of bittersweet melancholy took over me as I understood the end of our walk back home would probably signal a drastic change in the course of our solid friendship…and I dreaded to even imagine what laid beyond.

Anyway, after she asked my zoned out self what I was thinking about, I revealed all the things going through my head.

With the sun getting low and the day coming to a close, it felt a bit liberating to get all of those thoughts off my chest.

"That's a nice perspective to have" Kasumi-senpai said, "You're really in a special position and who knows what'll come out of all this for you."

"Probably a lot of enemies" I joked, "If you've heard or seen what happened yesterday, then you'll know I won't be that well liked by the Hakuo Academy students."

As we exited the school grounds and stood at the side of the street, I decided to come clean with my involvement in said altercation in case my senpai had not heard of it.

"On the other hand, everyone at our school loves you for that" she replied before giggling, "I don't suppose you've heard what they all thought of that "incident"?"

I tried to rack my brains to figure out the source of my senpai's mirth but nothing clicked for me at the moment.

"No…" I gulped, "Hopefully, it's nothing too bad…"

Even if I'd often believe myself to be quite observational, I was leagues behind Kasumi-senpai in that respect. If I hadn't known her that well, I would've guessed she'd have some secret superpower to see through everything given how easily she was able to read the body language of others and the situations they were in.

"A lot of people gained the courage to stand up against their rivals after they saw you" she explained, motioning towards the students who were silently looking at us from a distance.

"I see…" I nodded, "…uhh…but to tell you the truth, I'm not too proud of my choice of words back then. I was afraid that might've made me seem like a bad person."

"No one's truly good" she answered, "I mean, some still think I'm the perfect Shiomi High student but I've got a lot of things I'm not proud of."

Sheepishly, I raised my hand.

"I'm in that camp…hehe" I admitted.

Laughing a bit, she lowered my hand for me.

"You should get out of that soon" she said jokingly, "I'm not some sort of an idol. I'm just a regular old high school student."

"You know how difficult it is for me to believe that, right?" I chuckled.

"You better stop it or else I'll do some insane thing to change your mind" she threatened in a playful manner.

Imagining Kasumi-senpai indulging in uncharacteristic endeavors followed and I found myself holding in laughter upon picturing her as a delinquent punk-ish student who would cause trouble not only at her school but also at other schools.

That was weirdly specific but that was my exact line of thinking.

"Don't imagine that!" she said aloud while nudging me.

I could only let out a laugh in response. It was always humorous to witness her raise her voice in friendly circumstances.

The brief silence that followed was a sign that it was now time for the two of us to head towards the same route we had taken countless times in the past. The usual sensation of a steadily cooling evening atmosphere began to smother me as déjà vu crept into my head.

Glancing at her, I rued whatever divine curse that had been put on me, causing me to not possess the skill to read whatever was hidden behind my senpai's smile. There was no doubt, however, that she would have certain thoughts circling inside her.

We had hardly walked a few steps when I realized the gravity of the situation and what the next minutes would mean to me.

Let's be real here - It was always going to be difficult for anyone to let go of someone who had such an impact on them. If I had any experience, I'd say it was akin to losing someone you loved; it was both heavy on my heart and my spirit.

Of course, I could chalk it all up to it being a gross exaggeration of current events but the truth was that I would be without my senpai in the near future regardless.

"Are you still thinking about that video?"

Speaking of which, Kasumi-senpai's voice stopped my train of thought instantly.

"Uh…I…" I mumbled, not hearing her question clearly, "…I think so, yes…"

Understandably, she looked fairly puzzled by my answer.

"Really? It's been circulating discreetly and I thought you might have missed it" she told me, "I mean, if there was a video of me yelling at some students secretly going around then I would've been thinking about it non-stop too!"

At first, I wasn't sure what she was referring to but analyzing her words further, I realized what she meant.

Holding in my shock, I was left with two choices – I could either come clean and tell her that I had not actually known about that video or I could double down on my lie and speak about something I had no knowledge on.

No prizes for guessing which choice I'd make.

"Uh…yeah!" I nodded, a bit too much for my liking, "It's hard to not have it intruding on my thoughts every now and then!"

"Ah! I know you'll get over it!" she said confidently, "Especially after we beat Hakuo with you in charge! That video will be the stuff of legends!"

I felt a bit bad seeing how enthusiastic she was. Usually, she was a realist and would never overestimate or underestimate anything but seeing her genuine enthusiasm was indicative that she truly believed we had a chance to win decisively against Hakuo Academy.

"Uhh…you really think we can beat Hakuo?" I asked carefully.

"Yes" she answered, "If we don't believe we can do that, then, what's the point in having all these competitions?"

That was an answer I needed to hear.

"You're right" I chuckled, "You always are, to be fair. Maybe it's a bit too early to feel unconfident…we do have a little over a week of preparation so a lot could change during that!"

She gave me a thumbs up for that.

"That's the spirit! With you, Esashi-kun, at the helm, we can dream even the impossible!"

"Hehe…yeah…" I nervously replied.

Then, I stared at the road ahead of us and took note of that damned bathhouse in the distance. The evening glow began to took hold of everything on the ground and the clear sky above us had grown darker and darker with each passing minute.

And then, I replayed the conversation I just had with Kasumi-senpai in my head.

Was I going to let our last evening walk together just be filled with stuff about school? No way was I going to let these precious minutes be about school when we could be talking about something much more important!

Like college!

"So, senpai, which college are you gunning for?" I asked.

Like I expected, she seemed confused by the change in topics but she didn't refrain from answering.

"Ummmm…I might not actually be going to college" she replied rather sheepishly, "I have other plans."

Now, it was my turn to show a look of surprise.

Sure, Kasumi-senpai might not have been the ace at everything but she was always someone who seemed to be bound for further academic ventures. I had seen her name often in the top three of whatever terminal results were posted and I was sure she was as studious or even more studious than me.

I failed to find other roads she would take other than sporting endeavors. That made me ponder if she had a secret dream she wanted to pursue that no one else knew about.

Nevertheless, it would be something she could pursue within the country…or maybe…

"Are you going abroad?" I asked out of the blue.

"Huh? Abroad?"

"Yes, abroad" I looked at her straight in the eye.

She broke her eye contact and glanced at the ground, slightly slowing her pace.

"I…I don't know…" she replied faintly, "...I'd love to do something abroad but…I have a problem…"

I quickly made guesses as to what her roadblock might be. Financial problems? No parental support? Lack of time? Several factors could be at fault.

"What kind of problem?" I decided to ask.

She gave me an awkward smile and waved her hand a bit.

"It's nothing serious!" she explained, "I'm just a bit averse to flying in airplanes."

As if on cue, a motorcycle ran past us.

"That's…kinda rational" I told her, "You know, you've never told me that before."

"I don't tell you a lot of things" she giggled.

"You girls have lots of secrets, don't you?" I chuckled.

She then crossed her arms and tilted her head ever so slightly.

"Kenta-kun, is this why you were so adamant on knowing more about Katsura-san? Because of her "secrets"?" she inquired.

I was caught off guard by her sudden questioning as that subject matter seemed to be way out of line at that moment.

"I'm not exactly adamant…" I shrugged, "…I was just…you know…curious!"

"Curious, huh?" she raised an eyebrow.

Being a psychic wasn't one of the skills I had but I didn't need any supernatural intuition to know that she was planning to follow up with something that might embarrass me.

"Just curious" I told her anxiously.

I had hoped that might dissuade her from asking any more but unfortunately, it didn't.

"Kenta-kun, do you like Katsura-san?"

My throat went dry and I blushed a bit when she asked that question. I could feel a weird chill rush down my spine as well, causing me to lose my composure and act all fidgety in the blink of an eye.

"W-What? W-Why would you think that!?" I nervously shouted.

I was sure I hadn't developed any feelings for Katsura-san but why was I acting weird because of that question? I had no answer to that.

"It's just a question" Kasumi-senpai said with a smile, "I've noticed you always seem to light up a bit whenever you talk about her; almost as if mentioning her has some kind of an effect on you."

"T-That's ridiculous!" I retorted unconvincingly.

If Raizou or even anyone else had inquired about my feelings for Katsura-san, then I doubt I would be unconfident in giving my answer. But somehow, since it was Kasumi-senpai asking me, I could not get a grip on my emotions and I was left basically all over the place!

"Maybe I'm just overanalyzing things" my senpai thankfully admitted.

"Yes…uh…probably!" I was more than happy to agree with her.

"Still, if you kinda like her, then don't worry about anyone from Shiomi High saying stuff behind your back" she advised, "She seems like a good person as well so you'll get along well!"

"S-Senpai!" I stuttered, "D-Don't just make assumptions like that!"

I was too gripped by my nerves to even realize that we were quite close to the bridge next to the bathhouse. I had no clue why Kasumi-senpai was suddenly talking about me potentially having a relationship with Katsura-san. That threw me into a loop of stammering and stuttering my way through my sentences indefinitely.

"Your blushes are saying otherwise" she stated, "But, it could also be because I'm sorta embarrassing you right now."

"Y-Yes…" I replied.

She then sighed and smiled.

"You've been acting so cool and mature ever since you became the Student Council President" she told me, "I don't know what you're really feeling on the inside but from what I see, you've changed a lot since we first met! So, it's kinda rare for me to see you act all coy and nervous like you used to!"

I had never thought about it that way.

The years gone by didn't seem to have that much of an effect on me nor had it brought any significant change to my personality. But hearing Kasumi-senpai mention the changes in me, I wondered if I had unconsciously learned to separate what I thought from what I did and that might have imparted a more "grown-up" image in my peers.

"So…uh…you said all of that to get me to…uh…blush?" I asked cautiously.

She nodded.

"At least I got to know that the you of old is still there" she said, tapping on my forehead.

I tried to open my mouth to say something but then I glanced at my surroundings.

A searing wave of emotions took hold of me and I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I was rendered speechless as it dawned upon me that my time with Kasumi-senpai for the day was coming to a close and my evening walks with her would probably never happen again once we separated.

I involuntarily curled my hands into a tight fist, gripping my bag with all the strength I had as my arms shook ever so slightly.

The moment…the last moment was beckoning…

And goddamn it, I was getting so overly dramatic about it!

"Yeah…he's still here…" I said rather somberly.

Kasumi-senpai then walked in front of me near the end of the bridge as the setting sun fell directly behind her in the distance.

The mixture of dark blue and reddish-orange iridescence glowing faintly behind her frame was a sight I knew I would never forget as long as I lived. She then placed both her hands in front of her and she stared into my eyes.

For a brief moment, it was like nothing else was there except the two of us.

"This-"

"This is our last time, right?" I quickly asked before she could speak, no longer able to hold in my emotions.

I might have spoken earlier than I should've but I wanted her to know that I was fine with us no longer hanging out after school as long as she was happy.

Uneasily, she glanced to the side.

"Well…I…umm…I don't think there'll be lots of chances to do this again" she admitted.

Now, I needed to reveal my true thoughts.

"It's alright, senpai" I said, "You have…uh…new things to look forward to! And maybe I'll have too!"

I secretly gave myself a pat on the back for that not-so-well thought out but still effective reasoning.

"I suppose that is true…" she replied, smiling.

I then decided to joke a bit.

"But that doesn't mean I'm going to be acting like Raizou over Katsura-san, you know" I chuckled.

I was glad to hear her giggle as a response.

"Who knows what'll happen?" she remarked, preparing to turn around, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Kenta-kun. Bye-bye!"

That was it. That was the moment.

However, the voices in my head telling me that recent developments between the two of us was unfair to me had all disappeared and I was left with genuine warmth in my heart as I knew Kasumi-senpai was about to open a new chapter in her life – one where she would be happier and where I should not have a part.

Still, I managed to keep up a strong front despite my inner turmoil in order to give our ol' friendship a proper goodbye.

"I'll see you too" I said with a smile.

One…two…three…

…

…

…

…eleven.

Eleven footsteps were all she needed to take to leave my sight that evening.

Though it was a clear Wednesday evening in February, the whole atmosphere surrounding me was akin to the onset of Spring; perhaps it was a taste of how I'd see the world once I would truly be separated from the company of my beloved senpai come the end of March.

I had not even wished her good luck for that night but I figured she didn't need anything from me nor did I feel I was in a place to say anything about her anymore. If only time had rewound to a day earlier, then I'd have no restrictions about what I wanted to say to her.

There might still be a slim chance that we'd be able to emulate our routine once more but I daren't imagine that happening lest it would come at a hefty cost.

All that's left now was to be that person she believed I could be.

Even if it meant subjecting my lazy self to various activities that I had talked myself into; no more doubts about how much I could do and only focus on how much I would do.

Maybe Kasumi-senpai was already observing me with pride in her heart…but I knew one of the best farewells I could give her was through achieving the impossible with our school.

And if there was a slim chance of that happening, I was going for it no matter what!