Here's chapter 5, thanks for the reviews. Bumping it to 15 reviews = update.

Eli and Clare met in May, a month before summer vacation, just so you know.

So yeah, 15 reviews = chapter 6! And it's a real tearjerker!

Dear Journal,

Last 'chapter', I like to refer to them as chapters, because this is, after all, a story. Anyways, last chapter, I never explained what happened after the almost kiss. I didn't get the feelings down right; I didn't explain that my heart stopped, that I wanted to feel his lips on mine, the pure unadulterated want for him. Oh, how I wished he kissed me. But I knew it'd be too good to be true, Eli would never feel that way about me, not ever.

When I opened my eyes, to see that he was joking around, my heart ached painfully. It was too good to be true; he was too perfect for me. Although he was constantly teased by Fitz, Eli was amazing in every sense of the word.

But every day, he'd look at me with that smirk, with those eyes. No one else got that look. No one else was as close with him as I was, sans Adam. But he didn't tease and flirt with Adam, that was a ridiculous thought altogether. But he did with me. Every day. And there were moments, special moments of almost kisses and tender touches. But it took a while for those almost kiss to become real ones.

The setting for this chapter is our spot, we were continuing our project, and it was a week after the incident. He didn't bring it up, I didn't bring it up. I didn't because I was too scared to be rejected; I figured he never brought it up because it didn't mean anything to him.

Here you go…

I never could get used to our spot - even when it was just my spot, it was so breathtaking. The cliff was a bit far off from the city, and it was quite a climb to reach the top. Probably why no one was ever here, most Toronto people didn't go through the trails - unless they were one of those nature junkies.

The hill broke off to a diagonal cliff; the side looking like it was sprouting rigid black teeth. At the top was an open space, surrounded by shrubs and giant spruce and oak trees.

In the middle of it, Eli managed to gather logs and twigs for a makeshift fire when it got dark. It was late in the evening, too early for a fire, but the sun was starting to set. I was leaning back on my arms, my feet just dangling barefoot over the rocky face of the hill. Eli was close, turned and leaning on one arm to read the notebook of data he collected on me. Mine was closed, and scarcely filled with information on him other than dislikes and his favorite things.

I closed my eyes, my head lulled back and I inhaled the musky smell of the forest. It was so damn peaceful here, the noise of the far off city barely reached up here.

I tipped my head forward, wanting to look at the sky some more, it seemed to change as the sun sunk lower past the dark skyline.

"Eli! Oh, Eli, look! Isn't it pretty?" I awed, getting onto my feet and brushing my legs off from the dirt and leaves they collected.

"What?" He asked, leaning back on both his arms, not bothering to get up.

"The sunset, look! The clouds are all pink and orange, they look like cotton candy." I chirped happily, staring at the sky in a daze.

"Edwards, you're one weird girl," Eli chuckled while shaking his head.

"So are you, the only difference is I embrace my weirdness." I giggled, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Better watch that tongue, Blue Eyes, I just might bite it off." He teased, I rolled my eyes.

I bent in front of him, sticking my tongue out at him. "Gah fah it." I smiled with my tongue still sticking out.

"Uh…" Eli stared at me incredulously before a wicked smirk formed on his lips. "If you insist."

Eli hurled himself forward, snapping his teeth a mere centimeter from my tongue. I didn't expect that, at all, so I stumbled back in surprise. Before long, I was balancing on the edge of the cliff overlooking the city.

"Eli!" I yelped, feeling my body falling backwards.

"Clare!" Eli gasped, stumbling over reaching his left arm out to grab my right, flailing one.

He tugged me forward, his free arm circling its way around my waist. The air was knocked out of me when my chest hit his, then we both fell back onto the ground - away from the teeth of the hillside. I lay on top of him breathless and on the verge of tears.

After a few moments, when the shock wore off, Eli muttered, "Holy fuck." I buried my face in his chest, the fear still coursing through me, my heart pounding. Tears slipped out, my breathing erratic and shallow.

"Shh…it's alright. You're alright." Eli reassured me, but it sounded more like he was talking to himself.

I clutched onto the black button-up he wore, and his right hand was tangled in my curls while his left rubbed my back. Once I calmed down, I rolled off of him to his right, staring through the fading treetop and into the darkening sky.

"Never again." I said, sighing in relief and turned to look at Eli.

"Yeah." He mumbled, not turning to look at me.

"Eli." I called his name; he didn't look away from the sky. I said it again, still, no answer.

I sat up, leaned on my right arm and hovered over his face. "What's wrong? I'm alright, see, you saved me."

"This time," he commented and looked away, his emerald eyes foggy.

"What do you mean this time?" I asked, putting my left hand on his turned cheek and forced him to look at me. "Eli, what do you mean this time?"

Eli sat up abruptly, his face so close, I felt my breath hitch. He was so close, again, was he going to kiss me? I hoped he would. There was no playful gleam in his eyes, just cold hard gems the color of the forest. So serious. I started to close my eyes, leaning closer.

His lips just touched mine, and fireworks exploded, my heart stopped and we both kissed each other. His hand went to the back of my neck; mine went to his broad shoulders. His lips crushed over mine, such a bruising kiss, so rough, so full of emotion.

Then, he pulled away, like I burned him. Eli stared at me in despair and disgust. My stomach wretched at the awful expression.

"I….I have to go." He said, my heart ached, no it burned and ripped and tore. This was the rejection, this was real. I furrowed my brows, not making a move to get away from him.

"What?" I whispered, attempting to place my hand on his cheek.

Eli swatted it away, and then took me by the elbow, lifting me up along with himself. His head hung low, the loss of light making his face appear dark and foreboding. He let go of my arm, and I missed his touch.

"Eli…" I whimpered, I knew what was coming.

"I can't…Clare…I can't be with you. Not now, not ever." He said, not lifting his head to look at me. "We can't…I don't feel that way about you."

"You're lying!" I cried, shaking my head as tears started to fall. "You kissed me…."

"That shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't even gotten this close to you." He said while shaking his head.

"What? Eli…I thought…you don't just lead people on like this. At least, the Eli I know doesn't do that." I whimpered, feeling my heart ache. "If you don't feel anything for me, then look me straight in the eyes and tell me so."

Eli didn't answer, not for a while, it felt like an eternity. I waited. And I waited. And I waited.

Finally, his head lifted his cold, emerald eyes trained on my blue eyes and he said something that broke me. "I don't feel anything for you, Clare. Not now. Not ever."

He was lying.