Toki and Skwisgaar were marched through the troll camp, escorted by a squad of troll soldiers. The brutish squad had given back Toki's duar and - to the elf's amazement – returned Skwisgaar's as well. Both were a bit stiff and tender from their punch-up in the woods, but the troll spellsinger looked almost smug.

"Dat's couldn'ts have gone better if we'ds tried," he announced.

"Toki, how did dat's go well? We ams supposed to bes de cool heads dat's don'ts wants a war, but dey caught us fightings!"

"Wasn't you listening? Most trolls t'inks elves ams complete cowards whats won't fight face to face, but dey saw you going bare knuckle against a troll! You ams de manliest elf what ever lived!"

"Really?"

"Reallies!"

Skwisgaar felt a smile stretch his lips. Despite his pains, he stood a little straighter.

"Oh, dat reminds me; if anybody asks if you am a lady, don't gets pissed."

Immediately, the smile fell from Skwisgaar's face and he glared at Toki.

"Dey ain't being dildos, dey really can'ts tell. Not all trolls ams gots what extensive hexperience wit' other species likes whats Toki gots. Toki ams one cosmo-politician troll, you knows."

Skwisgaar gave him a sideways look. Trolls couldn't tell the difference between male and female elves and they didn't see that as insulting? Also, Toki could and this made him an intelligent troll. That was scary.

"Why woulds trolls wants to know, anyways?" Skwisgaar groused. "T'inks male trolls ams trying to gets lucky wit' elf ladies?"

Toki gave the elf spellsinger a look so old-fashioned it was practically Neolithic.

"Skwisgaar," he stated calmly. "Half de trolls in dis camp woulds toss you one for de asking and de half dat wouldn't woulds hold back because you ams an elf, not because you ams a dude."

Skwisgaar's eyes went wide.

"Wh – you means – but dat ams GAY!" he squealed.

"I guess. Trolls don'ts t'inks about t'ings likes dat, t'ough. A rubs ams a rub and a holes ams a hole, you knows? When yous stuck out in some dildos war camp with tons of other trolls, you learns to get you rocks off howevers." Toki paused and took note of the horrified expression on his companion's face. "It ams okay; Toki is over de crush he hads on you, Skwisgaar."

This did not help to calm the elf down.

"You hads de crushes on me?" he asked in an embarrassingly shrill voice. "Oh . . . Oh Gods . . . . dat ams why you offered to suck my cock when yous erased t'ose guitar tracks?"

"Wells . . . .yeah. But likes I said; Toki ams over dat. You ams kinds of an asshole, Skwisgaar. You wants to has sex wit' me, you has to asks real nice!"

The elf backed away from his compatriot until he bumped into one of the trolls escorting them. When he twisted to look up at the creature, the hulking, organic wall winked at him and pursed his scarred lips in a mock kiss.

Skwisgaar shuddered.

"De two spellsingers to see de King!" the leading troll declared.

They stopped outside of a tent made of hides and strung up between a few stone outcroppings and trees. If you weren't looking for it, you might walk right past without seeing it. A flap of leather was pulled aside and Toki and Skwisgaar were ushered into the tent.

The troll king was bent over a map spread across a fallen stone. He wore no crown. He was a little larger and bulkier than Toki, with the same tied-on pants. A cape made of silver fox pelts covered his back. His hair was black and hung down to his waist in dreadlocks. A single line of woad curved from one cheek across the bridge of his nose to the other cheek.

Toki stepped forward and knelt.

"King Hodr; lord of de many troll Clans. I bows to you," he said solemnly.

"Why?" Skwisgaar inquired.

Everyone present paused. King Hodr looked up from his map.

"Because he ams my King, even t'ough I'm nots goings to obey dis one order. You coulds bow, too; it wouldn'ts fucking kills you to be polites!" Toki snarled, glaring up at his fellow spellsinger.

"Oh, likes you bowed to de Elf Queen?"

"I woulds has if she hadn't been feelings me up at de time! I tries to show ot'er trolls dat not all elves ams douchebags. Its woulds helps if you stops being such a douchebag, Skwisgaar!" Toki declared, standing and whirling towards the elf.

"You a douchebag!" Skwisgaar declared, giving Toki a little shove.

"Youa douchebag!" Toki retorted, shoving the elf back a few steps.

A low chuckle interrupted the shoving match. Everyone looked surprised to see the King laughing quietly.

"Leave us. I wish to talk to the spellsingers alone," he ordered quietly.

The trolls in the tent exchanged surprised looks, but filed out without question. When they were alone, the Troll King leaned back against his map stone and looked at the two magic-users before him.

"The two greatest spellsingers of the Fae realm . . . . ahhhhh. You two went to the elf camp first. Tell me what happened," King Hodr ordered.

"How you knows dat?" Skwisgaar demanded.

The troll king gave a casual, one shoulder shrug.

"I got my ways," he said with a small smile. "I know it ended with a fight. Tell me what happened."

Toki related the story of their visit to the king, pausing often to blame Skwisgaar for everything and get belittled and insulted by the elf in question. Hodr listened to the story, not bothering to chastise the two for bickering in the middle of it. He laughed out loud at Toki's choice of song, even going so far as to giggle hysterically when Skwisgaar fumed at the insults given to the elves in question. The Troll King sobered when he heard about the Elf Queen's impotency.

"I expected as much," he sighed. "Our peace offering was quite generous. Any reasonable ruler would have snapped it up."

"Peace offerings? So de trolls did attack first?" Skwisgaar asked.

Hodr sighed.

"If, by 'troll attack', you count three teenage boys draining their father's stills and running through the nearest elf town at night, breaking windows and scrawling graffiti on houses, then yes; the trolls did attack first."

Toki face-palmed.

"Its was . . . just dildos kids?" Skwisgaar asked weakly.

"The 'dildo kids' have already been thrashed to within an inch of their lives. I sent a message to the Elf Queen offering the three boys on loan to the elf community to repair the damages they had caused, but the Elf Army amassing on the border was the only answer I received."

"I don'ts t'ink de Elf Queen ever gots it," Toki sighed.

"Well, shit," Hodr growled. "This is a bad time for a war."

"I thoughts trolls likeds to fight," Skwisgaar protested.

"Oh, we do," Hodr and Toki said in the same breath.

"But . . ." Toki paused and made the face that said there was something he was pussyfooting around.

"It's a bad time for a war," Hodr repeated.

"Well . . . . what's ifs we makes the Elf Queen listens?" Skwisgaar suggested. "Ifs we gets yous and hers toget'er and yous explains t'ings . . . de elf generals wouldn'ts defies her outright."

"Giveses hers a bit of 'comes hither' and she bes putty in your hands," Toki instructed.

"Toki, nothing turns to putty in my hands," the king declared.

To Skwisgaar's horror, the troll spellsinger looked away coyly and let out what could only be described as a giggle.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! No flirtings in front of mes!" the elf ordered. "I don'ts needs dat mental images . . . let's just gets to de elf camp and gets dis overs with!"