"So yous is our backup?" Toki asked, adjusting his duar.
"Yeah," a dwarf growled. "That's Snorri on the drums, Beryl on bass and I can blow anything."
The speaker hefted an instrument that looked like a trumpet and a saxophone had a baby.
"Dat must makes you populars," Toki said innocently.
"I'm pretty good."
The troll spellsinger eyed the dwarf, then cast a look at Skwisgaar that said 'He didn't even get that.' Skwisgaar snorted and turned his attention back to their setup. He had to admit, when dwarves built an impressive hall, they didn't muck around. They'd played stadiums that could have fit into this cavern three times over. It was empty now and most of it disappeared into the darkness. Skwisgaar could just make out lanterns flickering in the distance, as faint as stars. When they gave their spellsong concert later, every dwarf in this mine would be in attendance.
One of the Dwarf King's advisors said that every mine aside from this one would be emptied in a last-ditch effort to save the race.
"Well, as interesting as this is, what am I supposed to do?" Hodr asked.
The assembled beings looked at the Troll King like they had forgotten he was there.
"I mean, I can't play an instrument, so I can't be part of the music and I doubt anyone wants a horny troll desperate to reproduce running around the mine," he continued.
"That's a . . . very good point," one of the dwarves pointed out, dull horror evident in his voice. "Ah . . . how can we shield you against the spell?"
"You gotses a sounds-proofed room?" Skwisgaar asked.
"Sound proof?"
"Spellsong dependses on music – ifs he can't hears de music, de spell can'ts effects hims."
"Well, here you are, your Majesty," a dwarf said, showing Hodr to a small stone room. It was packed with bookshelves, piles of fabric, old tools and the regular detritus of store rooms everywhere.
"We've brought you some pork and mead," the dwarf said, gesturing as a second dwarf brought in a tray loaded with meat and a large flagon.
"Can I have a lantern?" The Troll King asked.
"You have trouble seeing? I thought trolls were quite at home in darkness," the speaking dwarf protested.
Hodr eyed the bookshelves.
"I might like a light should I need to entertain myself."
"Ready for dis?"
"Here goes nut'ings," Skwisgaar muttered.
"Dwarves ams shy, so we gots to starts off slow, ja?"
"Ja."
Toki strummed his duar, producing a low, mellow tone. Skwisgaar picked up the melody and started to play lead.
"Pink, it's my new obsession, yeah
Pink, it's nots even a question
Pink on the lips of your lover
'Cause pink is the love you discover
Pink, as the bing on your cherry
Pink, 'cause you are so very
Pink, it's the color of passion
'Cause today it just goes with the fashion
Pink, it was love at first sight
Yeah pink, when I turn out the light
And pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be alright
No matter what we do tonight"
Toki was the better singer, even though Skwisgaar refused to admit it. The elf declared that he didn't know enough dildo love songs, so Toki offered to do the vocals. The pair had played guitar together for so long they didn't even consider the fact that they were now spellsinging together.
The thought didn't occur to Skwisgaar until he saw the violet spell mist from his own duar merging with Toki's blue spell mist before it spilled off the edge of the stage into the audience. He didn't think he'd ever heard of two spellsingers working together. He wondered if it would affect the spell.
Hodr picked out a few books written in the newer, simplified Dwarf script – which he could read, as opposed to the traditional characters. The troll arranged some of the fabric to form a sort of chair and sat on it, getting ready to read. Hodr fidgeted, looked back down at his nest of material and tried to figure out where the lump was. The pile looked perfectly even and smooth, but there was something jabbing him in the tail.
The Troll King prodded at the pile. One thick black brow rose in interest. The pile of fabric looked even and smooth, but there was a folded stack of soft fabric right in the middle of it. Fabric that couldn't be seen.
"Son of a whore," Hodr muttered. "A cloak of invisibility."
While cloaks of invisibility were hard to come by, they were very easy to lose. All it took was one person setting it down where it didn't belong and it was gone. When being used out in the field this was a real hazard.
Hodr ran the fabric through his hands, noting how his fingers disappeared as the cloak passed over them. Oh, he was keeping this. It had to have ended up here by accident. He'd love to take it for a spin but he'd better stay put for the moment.
"Deep into a dying day
I took a step outside an innocent heart
Prepare to hate me fall where I may
This night will hurt you like never before
Old loves they die hard
Old lies they die harder
I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I'm in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight!"
Toki sang. A small glowing cube hovered before his mouth, catching his voice and throwing it further into the cavern. When he turned his head, the cube followed him automatically. A second cube dogged his duar, while a third amplified Skwisgaar's. Toki wondered how he could smuggle one home as a present for Nathan.
Dwarves always had the coolest shit.
Looking down into the audience, there seemed to be a lot of movement down there. Were the dwarves trying to leave? Half-way through a magic concert meant to save the fucking race and they were skipping out? Come on; the innate dwarven shyness couldn't be that strong. Well, enough of this dicking around; time to turn things up to eleven.
Toki finished the song and took a swig of ale. He put a hand over the glowing cube and turned to Skwisgaar.
"Dese dildo dwarves ain't going to slinks off when we does all dis to helps dem! Let's skips to de end!"
Skwisgaar peered out into the audience under the lights. He was fairly sure the dwarves weren't leaving. The elf grinned. Apparently subjecting dwarves to sex magic was like taking a teetotaler to an open bar – they had no head for such things. And Toki – dumb troll with his superior night vision – couldn't tell the difference through the stage lights.
That was funny.
"Ja, let's teaches dese dildo dwarves how its works!"
Later – far, far later, when the recording of the concert was locked in the deepest vault and only dwarves over the age of five hundred were allowed to view it – an eight hundred year old goldsmith by the name of Yerak would look at that exact moment and realize it was the first time he'd ever seen an elf laugh.
"I see you baby and you're looking so good
I got a feeling and I think that we should
Let's take it outside let's go for a ride
Let's do it whatever we want
Let's make it a crime let's do it in time
Let's do it wherever we want
Let's fuck!"
In the audience Ridnok Lightquarry felt sensations ripping through her that she'd never felt before. She was normally a demolition engineer who didn't think much about how other dwarves looked, but the dwarf on her right looked nice and burly, so she grabbed him and kissed him. He kissed back and why was it so hot in here and some of this chainmail just needed to go.
"I wanna baby and I know that you would
I got it baby and I know that you're good
Let's do it for sin let's bring in your friends
Let's do it whatever we want
Let's do it for them let's do it again
Let's do it wherever we want
Let's fuck!"
Mohako Monsterbattler gaped as one of the dwarves making out in front of him started to strip off . . . her . . . definitely a her chainmail. The pair slithered to the ground. After moment, the she dwarf grabbed Mohako's beard and dragged him down to join them.
"Let's go all the way
Let's do it all day
Let's do it whatever we want
Let's turn out the lights
Let's do it all night
Let's do it as long as we want
Let's fuck
Let's do it again
Let's do it whatever we want
Let's fuck!"
Hodr looked up sharply as the door of the store room burst open. A pair of dwarves staggered in, shedding clothing and chainmail.
"Uh . . . occupied?" the Troll King blurted.
The two dwarves ignored him and collapsed naked into a grunting pile. Hodr was about to tell them to find another spot, but realized he'd have to shout to be heard over the music.
The music? Oh shit.
Blue-violet spell mist poured in the door, covering the floor, the dwarves and the fabric. Hodr yelped and leapt to his feet. He had already secreted the cloak of invisibility under his own wrap of fox pelts but it wouldn't do any good against spellsong. The Troll King jammed his fingers in his ears as the spell mist crawled up his legs and tail.
Toki looked down into the arena. Their back up musicians abandoned their instruments and dove into the sea of naked dwarves.
"I t'inks we over did it's a little," he admitted.
Skwisgaar didn't answer, just continued holding his sides as he howled with laughter.
"Maybe two spellsingers makes its twice as powerfuls?" the troll offered.
"Fucks, I wish I hads mine cell phone," Skwisgaar wheezed. "I'd records dis and de next times I meeted some dwarf actings all snootys I say 'Remembers dis'?"
"Who goings to leads us outs of heres now?" Toki asked.
"Don'ts knows," Skwisgaar admitted, picking himself up off the floor.
"Let's go finds Hodr. He'll knows what to do."
"Great. How we finds him?"
Toki lifted his head and sniffed the air.
"I finds hims."
They found Hodr a few levels above the great cavern. The Troll King was pacing back and forth near a large door. His tail was lashing back and forth and he was sweating hard for being in a cool cavern.
"How you gets heres?" Skwisgaar asked. "Yous supposed to bes in a sounds-proofed room."
"They let me out," Hodr said shortly. "This door leads to the outskirts of Dawnspire."
"How you knows dat?"
"I asked before they shut me in. Let's go. Let's get this shit over with and go home!"
Both spellsingers eyed the Troll King warily.
"Sorry," Hodr said, running his fingers through his dreads. "I just need to get home to a willing pile of trollops."
"Oh, you didn't gets any of dats spell dids you?" Toki asked. "I gives you an orals if dat helps."
"Fuuuuuuuck! Tokis!" Skwisgaar howled.
"No. I appreciate that, but I need a woman," Hodr sighed, wiping sweat from his forehead.
"Let's gets dis over with sos we can gets back to Mordhaus!" Skwisgaar said, starting down the tunnel.