Thanks for all the great reviews! Looking over them, it seemed that Noah was what people wanted next. Noah vs Alejandro seemed like a good idea, so here it is. Hope you enjoy!
Language Warning: T, as usual. Maybe not quite as bad as the Chris vs Chef battle.
Epic Rap Battles of Total Drama!
Alejandro! (Shows Alejandro winking)
V.S.
Noah! (Shows Noah reading his book and shrugging indifferently)
…
Begin!
Alejandro
Noah, please! (pause) You're no match for Mr. Handsome,
My raps will kidnap you and hold your ass for ransom!
Sure you know all these theories, bout space, and time,
But your fatass mind,
Just can't rhyme!
The ladies love my class, they love to kiss my ass,
They pay lots of money just to clean my sexy trash!
You're a sarcastic, know-it-all, scrawny punk, and
You've got the bod of Cody but the tude of Duncan.
Back in London, you called me an, eel, for real?
Your only friend is Owen, and he sees you as a meal!
I'm cool as a cucumber! You're life is just a bummer!
I'll slap you so hard you'll get dumber in your slumber.
You may, have a brain, but I still can cause you pain
Then rip off my shirt seductively and clean up the blood stains!
Noah
You may think that you won but I would go and check the score,
My quantum physics calculator indicates that you're a man-whore!
You think you got fangirls? I got twenty more!
Came from my witty remarks on Total Drama World Tour!
Listen, Burromuerto, I'll give you a world of hurt,
Get a brain before you go and just rip off your shirt!
You're a Mexican devil, but you don't have the smarts,
To compete on jeopardy against a bucket of Owen farts!
I could survive on my brain alone
While yours has shrunk, mine has grown!
I could break a brick with mental power,
My giant dick makes Einstein cower!
You wanna come fly with me? You'll come, and, die with me!
You were horribly humiliated by Heather on national TV!
Give me any math equation, and I'm positive I'll solve it.
My mental chemicals will take your rap up and dissolve it.
I'm the youngest in my family, but the smartest by far,
Go join your pal Justin! Rolling round naked in tar!
Alejandro
What's your problem, amigo? Are you mentally ill?
You have heart palpitations when you try to climb up a hill!
You'd get last place, in any single race,
Might I remind you? You kissed poor Cody on his face!
I can charm the ladies, just by calling them bitches,
As long as I've still got my good looks and my riches!
Everywhere I go, everybody stares!
Old ladies chase me in their motorized wheelchairs!
And I might as well tell you, Noah, it takes two easy clicks,
On Fanfiction! To find all the M-rated NoCo fics!
I may be evil, but my evil will make you bawl,
I'll batter you with balls like back in Dodgebrawl!
Noah
Sigh… it really starts to sound like you're wasting my time.
You're a slippery oil ball coated in rancid slime.
Sports are not my forte, but beating you is!
I'll take you down, with a trigonometry quiz!
Your hottest makeout session was with a pineapple fruit,
The angle of your life is extremely acute!
Trust me, with you, there is no square root.
And what's with that creepy-ass puppet you own?
You've killed innocents with your disgusting cologne!
You're a creeper! A Justin number two! A flake!
Stop fawning over your body, cause we all know it's fake!
With you in the world, I feel quite despondent,
You're as shallow as a baby pool, with a higher urine content!
Won won? Who's next? You decide! Please review!