Well, for the first time ever, it seems Harold was finally able to beat Duncan at something. He won nine votes to three. Yeah, I'm not too happy with how that last rap battle turned out. But I'm REALLY happy how this one turned out. Girls, for some reason, are so much better at insulting each other. I don't know what it is. So enjoy! However, you should heed the language warning.
Language Warning: Could be classified as really low M, or VERY high T. This is definitely the most brutal one yet. We've got your swearing, your shitload of sexual references, and your other miscellaneous potty-mouthing. There's also a little brutal violence on Heather's part. So enjoy!
Epic Rap Battles of Total Drama!
Lindsay! (Shows Lindsay gazing flirtatiously at the camera)
V.S.
Heather! (Shows Heather looking around suspiciously)
…
Begin!
Lindsay
The first time I saw you, I guessed you were messed,
Your raps will fall flat, Helga, just like your chest!
Reading Gwen's diary? That was seriously uncalled for.
You better admire me, you sinister bald whore!
I can hypnotize guys when they see my bra size!
While you just tell lies, I'm a prize to the eyes!
So I may use fake tanner, but you're a freaky pale skin show,
And I'm sorry to tell you, but Albert's dick never will grow!
Your hair changes almost as much as your gender,
You're almost like some sort of not-so-slender gender bender!
I can't, even, count for shit, but I can count the hairs on your calves of fat,
You should probably shave your legs a bit, but then the guys'll have a heart attack!
And I hate to tell you this, but your haters have started their own mob,
But at least you have Harold! (Pause) I'm sure he'll give you a blowjob!
Heather
If this were an idiocy contest, you'd be picked in the first draft,
But the only thing you're good for, is licking Tyler's shaft!
Math? Haha, 2+2 would make you snap,
Just shut your moron mouth, and go sit on Chris's lap!
I'm the best villain this show's ever had, end of story!
You just make sexists like Ez-ek-iel enjoy more glory!
Cause they all know Admiral Lindsay her Hotness is nothing but, (pause)
A mental-minded, penis-sucking, yo-yo fetish slut!
Lindsay, c'mon! You'll never be strategic,
So I'll whip you with my hair so hard I'll make you paraplegic!
And so you want a tan? Get in this tanning booth, you cock bitch!
I'll lock you in till you shrivel up! Tyler won't have you to scratch his jock itch!
Lindsay
Didn't you give Al, like, years of painful surgery?
You're a skeleton! And I'm afraid your diet plan is purgery!
At least Tyler has strength! Albert has a vagina!
He was practically anorexic when you were visiting China!
Your tongue's been lots of places, and your breath causes nervous fits,
From deep in your cat's throat, to Owen's armpit!
Then down to your chest to tongue your own tit!
No wonder Harold quit, if he saw all this shit!
And I know that math equations to me may be cryptic,
But the way you walk, it looks like you have a bad hip tic!
Now that's an equation that anyone can do,
In Fanfiction, it's impossible to even make you a Mary Sue!
And there's no gum on your ass! Sit down, you bitch!
We already know that your bra has long been unhitched!
And so you think you can just cut in, make friends all of a sudden?
Go back to eating grape jelly from Owen's bellybutton, witch!
Heather
You barbarian blonde, you can't even open lids!
If it weren't for me you'd be a horny model for Gap Kids!
Watching you think, it causes such pain,
You've left a stain on this game with your cocaine-inhaling brain!
Seriously? Your shining moment was when you left with your "dignity" intact.
You thought you had everything, but virginity is what you lacked!
Can you even count? (pause) How bout you count Tyler's balls?
1… 2… oh wait, he doesn't have any! Or they're just way too small!
All I ask is that you solve just one simple fraction. Or are you just too high on meth?
Total Drama Action was lesbian action! Between you and that loser Beth!
You're like a Barbie doll; completely made of plastic,
Losing all your fake tanner should not be seen as drastic!
I can actually play the game, and I play it like a boss,
Enjoy being a prostitute for the rest of your life, having your pubic hair used as floss!
Who won? Who's next? You decide! Please Review!