Well, it took a little less than four months. And now, I finally have finished this rap battle. I have no excuses for how long this took. I am deeply sorry. Anyways, while this may not have been the most requested rap battle, I thought it would be fun to write, so here's Eva v.s. Bridgette.
Language Warning: Lots of swearing, as well as innuendo and minor violence. Eva's one harsh girl. O-O
Epic Rap Battles of Total Drama!
Eva (shows Eva biting off the head of a teddy bear)
V.S.
Bridgette (shows Bridgette smiling with her surfboard)
…
Begin!
Eva
FUCK YOU, BLONDIE GIRL! WON'T YOU EVER LEARN?
For the mermaid slut you are, I'll enjoy watching you burn!
You're so weak! Your character's nothing but filler!
At least Tyler got to have that gay-ass goth scandal spiller!
But what have you done? Seriously, what is your role?
To date an ass-hole? And make out with a pole?
And talk lots of bull bout surfing changing the soul?
Don't throw up on people, throw up in a bowl!
How dare you go behind my back and betray?
Your character's nothing but risqué cliché!
I'm the new queen, you won't be the whore of the screen,
And I'll whip you into a whore-bag puree!
You're NOT a Veget-ar-ian, so why don't you quit your rambling?
I've SEEN you eating meat; it came in the form of Ezekiel's man bling!
So I'll deal you some slaps, and I'll SLAUGHTER your raps,
Cause all you're good for, is causing a chorus of faps!
You're a fucking disgrace to the feminine race!
You suck at life, just like you suck on Geoff's face!
Bridgette
At first I couldn't do this, (pause) but now I think I can,
Cause whenever I see you, I think "Why are there boobs on this man?"
Hm? Eva? Who's that? Nobody gives that a crap!
Here's a fact: you're not even on the reality show map!
My god, it's an iPod, not your frickin' salvation!
When you achieve your damnation you'll get a standing ovation!
Seriously, what happened? Did you suffer castration?
'Cause your face is good for ending even Cody's masturbation!
Your ego's so large, it's smashed into the ceiling,
The thought of your looks makes dolphin burgers sound appealing!
Eva's a winner? That's the word that I've heard,
But what winner places at twenty-third?
So you'll be drenched in defeat, but never confetti,
The only guy who'd go down on you is a drunken homo yeti!
You deal hit after hit, and have fit after fit,
If you're lesbian, just grow some balls and come out with it!
Eva
I'M A LESBIAN? Have you read a single story on this site?
BridgettexHeather! BridgettexCourtney! Bridgette x an OC hermaphrodite!
SO HOW ABOUT THAT? Stop wearing Geoff's hat!
You'd sink twenty surfboards, you're so GODDAMN FAT!
Sure you were the first one to jump, for the Killer Bass,
Now go jump your ass off a freeway overpass!
I'm a star athlete beyond compare! Worthy of being Olympic,
While I am hurling ja-ve-lins, you're helping Geoff with his dick pics!
Sure you talk the talk, but you can't walk a block,
Without tripping and smashing your face on a rock!
While I'm the top hawk, you're just a bitch in a flock!
And your boyfriend's head looks like a circumcised cock!
So don't even look at me, you oral pole abuser,
There's only one place you belong: THE BOAT OF FUCKING LOSERS!
Bridgette
Geez, Eva! (pause) Say it, don't spray it!
You need to be on medication, no other way to convey it!
You have no frickin' plot, you're completely one tone;
Talking shouldn't sound like you're passing a kidney stone!
I'd rather spend a week in the woods, all alone,
Than have to deal with you and your out-of-control testosterone!
I tried to be kind! But you were just blind,
Now you're calling yourself a winner from the Aftermath sidelines!
I've just had enough!
Seriously, you're not so tough!
You're all just for show, like those steroids you huff!
But since I'm so nice, I guess I'll give you some tips,
Apologize to the teams, from the Bass to the Grips,
For dipping yourself in ten kinds of bitch dips,
And do something before your mole causes a solar eclipse!
And so you call yourself an athlete? The winner of the cup?
Then you can direct your mouth to athletically SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Who won? Who's next? You decide!