Disclaimer: I own nothing.
She loved her friends. They were wonderful, caring, loving people who would just about do anything for her.
Yet she still felt like searching for a reason that meant not strangling almost all of them.
It hadn't taken long for the "Hermione are you sure you're okay" or the "No, no, let me do that for you" lines to come about. If it wasn't the smothering care over what they felt was her certain fragility, it was the stares of uncertainty and pity that made her want to scream every time she caught them looking at her. They all kept staring as if one flick of her wand and she would crumble into pieces. She knew they were all just waiting for her to fall apart, at least just a little bit.
She hadn't cried since she brought Calypso to the Burrow. It wasn't for lack of depression, that part was sure. Molly was sure that she had lost weight in the week since the death of her parents and if the dark circles were any indication, she wasn't sleeping well either. It didn't take long for anyone to notice that Hermione could barely look at her sister, let alone handle the confused fussiness of a child who wanted the comfort of parents that were suddenly gone. It worried the occupants of the Burrow greatly that at best Hermione could conjure a smile for the small inquisitive toddler.
The usually bright and optimistic bookworm just couldn't look at the little girl's brown eyes without thinking that everything was her fault.
If I had just been normal, if I'd just let them stay safe in Melbourne, if I'd just checked on them instead of staying at the party, if I'd never been born, they would be alive.
The same thoughts soared through her mind every time her sister laughed, played or cried. It was like the overgrown black shadow was swallowing her into a place where the root to all of her problems stemmed from the fact that she was a witch and everything was her fault. Yet, baffling even herself, she hadn't shed a tear.
She stood in front of the mirror, taking in her reflection. It would be a muggle funeral and she had asked everyone to don muggle clothes rather than robes, especially as her friends of the family and her parents old colleagues would be there to pay their respects. Sadly, for them all, planning and attending funerals was something they had learned to do exceptionally well after the war. The number of muggleborn funerals had been great after the final battle so in a morbid way, Hermione was glad that she wouldn't have to worry about anyone sticking out during the ordeal. They had apparated to Grimmauld place would be driven by town cars until the dreaded part of the day when everyone went to the flat above her parent's dental practice for tea and that sort after the funeral. A small part of her was annoyed at the extra measures needed to disguise her magical background, but she shoved that down; today wasn't about her and she knew that.
It was at Grimmauld place where she was now staring at herself. Her hair pulled back and falling past her shoulders and her dress falling at her knees. The heels that she wore made her feet sore and she hadn't been wearing them that long. She looked down at her feet and shifted her heels side to side, hitting them together and closing her eyes. She wished the black mary-janes were sequined red and that the week had just been a bad dream in far away place. Hermione wished she could click her heels thrice and find that all was righted in the world. When she opened watery eyes to see everything was still the same, she found that Harry was standing quietly in the doorframe behind her with Calypso playing with his dress shoes.
She looked at him through the mirror, silently pleading with him to fix everything and earned a sad sigh in return. The stare he gave her was comforting, not of the pitying variety that she'd become accustomed to through the week. Harry knew exactly what she was feeling and how she blamed herself and had already told her such. He knew better than anyone that grief had to be dealt with in your own time, lest you not deal with it at all. Hermione told herself that it was because of the common pain of losing someone so terribly close that Harry was so understanding of her moods while the others worried so much more.
"The cars are here, everyone is downstairs loading up." He told her patiently. She nodded and smiled softly at Calypso who pulled on the puffy black dress that Molly had picked out for her. The little girl had already kicked off a shoe and from the looks of the bunched white tights on her legs had been pulling at her trappings. Her brown curls were miraculously pinned back with a silver bow that from experience Hermione knew to be a work of magic in itself.
She was stalling and she knew it. The silly notion of "maybe if I don't go, it didn't happen" had crossed her mind and she knew Harry could tell.
"Do you think anyone will notice if I don't go?" She asked, fidgeting with the bracelet on her wrist. Harry snorted softly, and shook his head.
"There might be a few people questioning that – though I wouldn't count on Ron noticing." He told her, turning his look to the small girl that had found the laces on his shoe and was pulling it with all of her might. Hermione shook her head, giving out a small laugh, the first one since the Victory party.
Harry reached down and easily picked up the curious toddler smiling at her as she giggled loudly. With his free hand, he grabbed her bare foot and looked at her questioningly.
"I think she's lost something." Harry told her plainly, tickling the bottom of her foot and earning a squeal in return. The sight made Hermione smile and she turned around to look at her.
"Mione! Mione!" Calypso told her, pushing away from Harry and reaching her arms out for Hermione to carry her. Hermione obliged, lifting her and placing her comfortably on her hip.
"I guess we ought to go." Hermione told him, frowning a bit as she saw the bleak gray clouds rolling in.
"Whenever you're ready." He told her, finding her hand and squeezing it gently. They walked hand in hand until they reached the foyer where Ginny and Ron waited for them. She seemed to be the only one to catch Ginny's slight frown when she turned to see them holding hands and Hermione reddened at the fact. She let go of his hand and he turned his head curiously at her for a second before leaning over and kissing Ginny on the cheek. He whispered something of her looking nice and the frown left her face as if it hadn't been there at all, replaced with the sad look in her eyes that was beginning to cause Hermione's teeth to grind.
"It's going to be okay, Hermione." Ginny told her, touching her arm gently. Hermione nodded, shifting Calypso on her hip a bit. Sensing, Hermione's discomfort, Harry flicked his wrist and held up the small lost shoe in his hand and waved it at the small girl, earning a toothy smile in return.
"What kind of Princess leaves without her shoe?" Harry told her playfully. The little girl grew bashful and turned her body to hide her face in her sister's neck.
"Sootmaid!" Ron announced proudly, speaking for the first time. The three adults standing next to him turned to give him their attention, looking at him questioningly. He grinned at first and slowly the look on his face dropped to one of annoyance as they didn't seem to catch on.
"You know, Sootmaid!" He told them once more, emphasizing the name with his fists in the air. When they all stared at him blankly he narrowed his eyes, looking at them as if they'd all gone spare.
"She's the one that had a slipper made of Goblin gold and the prince had to return it to her after the ball." He put his hands on his hips at the blank stares he received in return once more.
"You're telling me you never heard of Sootmaid? You know the one that kills dragons and hunts orcs in order to get her golden slippers!" Ron told them, throwing his hands up as if holding an imaginary sword. Harry gaped at him and shook his head. All three were surprised by the laugh that escaped Hermione, her eyes watering slightly as she did. Calypso looked at her curiously at first and smiled, hugging her sister's side lazily.
"Same book as babbity rabbity, mate?" Harry asked as they made their way outside.
"Honestly, Ron, we grew up in the same house and I've never ever heard of Sootmaid."
She stood quietly, staring down at the two coffins under an umbrella. The service had gone painfully slow for her. Everyone came up and gave hugs, kisses and well wishes, each with a short mention of what good people her parents were. It hadn't taken more than five minutes for Calypso to grow antsy and she was infinity thankful that Tonks took her to play with Teddy. Molly had insisted that the little girl be there for everyone to pay the same respects but Hermione felt differently. She was too young to understand what was going on and Hermione didn't get a good enough answer when she asked what would be the use in making the little girl fussy by forcing her to sit in a stuffy room for what felt like hours. She found herself barely able to do it.
They kept it a closed casket funeral as the muggles in the room were under the impression that Wesley and Cordelia Granger had perished in an unfortunate car accident. Hermione felt guilty for lying to them; they were good and honest muggles that Hermione had known her entire life. They deserved to know that their friends had died protecting their home bravely and honorably, saving the life of their little girl. Her parent's deserved to be revered for what they really were: Heroes.
It wasn't fair how the wizarding world controlled so much information for the sake of its secrecy and while it bothered her beyond reason, it wasn't enough for her to swear off the magic inside of her. She knew that no matter how unfair the system, her parent's wouldn't want her to give up something she had fought so hard to keep safe. Even if her world of magic was the reason they were dead.
So that's why she stood after all the others had left for the flat. She needed to tell them that she was sorry. Sorry for not being normal, sorry for putting them in danger, sorry for taking away their memories and sorry that she hadn't been there to save them. She needed to tell them that she was sorry that even after all that was taken from her, she would still be apart of that world because she was selfish and she loved it too much.
Her hand shook as she reached out and touched her mother's coffin. There were white flowers laid across the top and the rain hit the surface loudly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, mom." She whispered, pausing as if she were waiting for a response. She raised her wet fingertips to her lips and kissed them, putting her fingers back onto the coffin surface. She turned slightly, looking this over at her father's casket now, and laid her hand the same way she had done to her mother's.
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, daddy." Her voice hitched and she pressed her lips to her fingers once more, and pressed them to her dad's coffin.
"I love you both so much. I just want you back." Her voice cracked and the resolve that had been built up since she had left the hospital a week ago had broken. She cried. There was no sound other than the rain slapping against her umbrella and she closed her eyes to let the sound surround her. She imagined herself laying there with them, if only for a second. She imagined watching down on everyone with them and never feeling alone again. It reminded her of Godric's Hollow and a part of her grew pained as she realized that the feelings which coursed through her now were the same feelings Harry felt the first time her ever visited his parent's grave.
As she finally opened her eyes, feeling overwhelmingly tired, she had to blink her eyes a few time in order to see correctly. Further down the cemetery was a cloaked figure, standing aside an old crypt, watching her from afar. She narrowed her eyes and squinted as she tried to make out his face. The burning in her eyes from her prolonged crying caused her to blink furiously, and she rubbed her eyes in frustration. When she looked up again the person had seemed to realize that she'd seen him watching and turned to leave. For a second she thought she saw something familiar but shook her head, telling herself that someone must've realized the service was over and was leaving.
She cleared her head of all other thoughts as Harry and Ron stepped out of the town car, signaling that it was time to go. She pulled out a small muggle photo from her coat pocket and stared at it for a while. It was taken a few nights after their reunion inMelbourne. A slightly gray haired Hugh Granger smiled contently as he had arms around Hermione and her mother, the latter carefully holding a sleeping Calypso. She ran her finger over their smiles and put the photo back in her coat pocket.
"Goodbye." Her barely audible whisper passed over them and she turned away, determined not to look back.
I'm going to find them. I'm going to make them pay for what they did and they are never going to hurt my family again.
Harry found himself frowning whenever he watched Hermione busy herself with Calypso. She was trying her hardest to revert back to her old self for the sake of her sister and he while he admired her for it, he worried even more. He knew that not too deep past the façade of being put together, she was still horribly damaged and hadn't had enough time to heal. While everyone was breathing a sigh of relief that she hadn't continued her silent treatment, Harry felt as if he were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
In the month since the funeral it had been as if there were seven Hermione's working around the clock. He had even gone so far as to check the ministry logs to see if she'd stolen a time turner.
Once the funeral was over, Hermione had been read her parent's last will and testament at Gringotts. Harry declared that he could only hope that he could be as organized as Hugh and Cordelia Granger when it was his time to leave the earth. Their dental business was rather small since they had only reopened a year ago and it seemed to be taken care of as easily as it was when Hermione had taken care of their memories. He learned quickly that the Granger's had been practical people and left no room for confusion as to what went to Hermione and Calypso. While there hadn't been much doubt there was still a breath of relief when Calypso had been entrusted to Hermione in the will.
However, while she was busy doing just about everything else, Hermione had yet to step foot in her parents' house. After an ambush by Molly and him, they would be going into the house today to gather anything that she wished to keep before putting the house up for sale.
"Ron, did you get the spare boxes from the twin's shop?" Harry asked as he began making room for the things they'd be bringing back to the Burrow. Molly had finally put her foot down and made Arthur remove the muggle devices that were broken beyond even magic repair, leaving space for Hermione to store her things until she found a suitable flat for herself and Calypso.
"Shite" Ron grumbled before leaving the shed with a pop.
"'Awwy, 'Awwy." He grinned to himself as he turned around and saw the goofy grin of the small girl outside the window. She was outside in the field with Teddy chasing after a garden gnome.
"She calls everything 'Awwy' nowadays." He jumped at the sound of the amused voice and gave her a smile.
"You're just jealous because my name is easier to pronounce." He shot back playfully. He took in the woman in front of him carefully. It was obvious that she had lost weight since her parents' death, the stress of everything had made her skin seem pale and the bags under her eyes were visible signs of her lack of sleep. It was like the spirit of her had left and now she just existed. The simple fact that she had sounded amused with him had warmed him to think that she really was coming around.
They stood there in an odd sort of silence, one that he wasn't used to feeling from Hermione and it bothered him greatly.
"I just wanted to thank you for organizing the troops. I've been so busy figuring out Calypso that it sort of slipped my-" Harry stepped towards her and sighed causing her to stop what she was saying and look at him curiously.
"We both know it didn't slip your mind. I know you don't want to go back there."
His voice was calm and careful and he hoped that he hadn't been too blunt with her. She stared at him, her eyes not narrowed enough to be a glare or wide enough to be surprised. After a few moments, she finally sighed and nodded in agreement. They stood there for a little longer before she surprised him by taking three long and determined strides towards him. He coughed out a laugh as she gave him one of her signature bone crushing hugs and wrapped his arms around her in return.
"I just can't imagine going there if they aren't around anymore." She rasped, her voice muffled due to her face being mashed into his chest. He held her tighter, pressing his face against her bushy hair. While Harry felt he was a lot of things, being a master of words was not one of them; instead of saying anything further he simply held her close for a while longer. It wasn't until he let go that he realized that it wasn't just to comfort her demons but his old ones as well. She smiled up at him and her fingers slipped through the front of his hair for a moment before sighing.
"I'm glad you didn't cut it yet." Her voice was lighter and her entire appearance seemed more at ease than she had been earlier. Harry rolled his eyes and used both hands to smooth down the unruly locks. Hermione surveyed the space that they'd made for her things with a look that said she was obviously impressed.
"How'd you get Mr. Weasley to get rid of so much?" Hermione asked, looking at the partially empty shed. Harry grinned and she raised an eyebrow in interest.
"I promised him I'd explain the functions of an iPod and a laptop."
Hermione chuckled, shaking her head with a grin on her face. The two walked out of the shed, watching the two toddlers place wildflowers on Tonks' head. They enjoyed the sight in a comfortable silence until they heard a tumble of boxes before a long string of angry curse words that signaled Ron had returned.
None of them said anything as they stood at the front door. The usually kept yard was overgrown and weeds overtook the small patches of flowers that lined the walkway. Hermione's fingers ran over the lettering on the door that said "Granger" and closed her eyes before slipping the key into lock.
The stray rays of light that escaped from the pulled shades showed slivers of dust particles in the air. With a flick of her wrist, the shades were drawn and Hermione saw that the house looked as vacant as she felt. She could vaguely hear Harry and Ron giving out orders to the Luna, Ginny and the twins. They had already decided that the girls would pack up Calypso's room and the kitchen while the twins battled the garage and the living area. Harry and Ron thought they would be most useful alongside Hermione in her room and her parent's room.
"Hermione, you want to start?" Ron asked carefully, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nodded and the two boys followed her quietly upstairs and into her room. It looked horribly like their best friend. Books were lined all along the wall and pictures of everyone she cared for found their way in nooks and crannies.
They worked quietly, the two boys exchanging looks as Hermione carefully packed away the things she wanted to keep and the things that would either be sold or given to goodwill. It was a silent promise that they wouldn't treat her like glass but it was hard not to when they saw how lost she looked just going through the motions. Occasionally, someone would pop their head in the room and ask a question or two both essentially they all worked pretty independently with the intent on getting out as soon as possible.
"Is this a grammar school photo?"
Hermione's head jerked up to see Ron with a look of amusement on his face as he leafed through the scrapbook. She shot up to grab it from him when Harry blocked the way quickly, intent on seeing it as well. Sure enough, in a pose that screamed perfect posture was a smiling Hermione with ringlets that seemed reminiscent of Shirley Temple. She glared at both of them and for the first time since they'd arrived in the house, she was smiling.
"Give it here!" She yelled, trying to no avail to push Harry to the side. He only laughed at her, egging Ron on to flip the page to see more photos of her. Ron's grin disappeared as he yelled aloud, for had Hermione flicked her wrist and magically slammed the book close on his finger.
"Spoil sport." Ron grumbled, nursing his finger as if he'd broken it. Hermione grinned and pushed him lightly in return, grabbing the book out of his hands.
"So much evil in such a small person." Harry commented, patting her head. She glared at him lightly and the three laughed together before continuing their work. It felt nice as the silence had been ended and now they all spoke freely as if it were old times once again. It was in no time that the room was bare and practically sparkling after being magicked clean.
Instead of going directly into her parent's room, the three journeyed out to the other groups and helped them finish the packing. When it seemed that every room was emptied out and cleaned to Hermione's satisfaction, the others went outside to work on the yard and garden so that when the goblin came to appraise the house there would be nothing to worry about.
"You ready?" Harry asked as they stood in front of her parent's bedroom. Hermione nodded carefully before opening the door and stepping into the room. The boys waited patiently as she surveyed the area slowly and waited for her to make the first move.
"Ron-" Her voice sounded suddenly dry, almost raspy as she spoke and Ron immediately perked up.
"Yeah?" He asked, trying not to sound eager.
"I think you might want to go downstairs, Luna is trying to trim the hedges into animals." Hermione told him quietly, pointing out the window and to the backyard where the airy blonde was currently shaping the tall hedge into something that looked like it had wings. Ron smiled at the girl lovingly through the window and shook his head.
"I'll be right back." He told them, sharing a look between himself and Harry before he left. Hermione sighed, sitting atop the bed as she did.
"You don't need to worry. I'm not going to shatter." Harry shrugged his shoulders and joined her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as she did.
"It still smells like my mum." She said quietly. Harry watched as she summoned a glass bottle with a golden looking liquid that he assumed was perfume.
"She always wore amber perfume. I remember when I was little I'd sit on her bed and watch her spray it on her wrists before going out to dinner with dad. I used to imagine that she was like one of the queens in my books and that one day I would grow up to be beautiful and smart just like her." Her fingers ran over the delicate glass bottle as she spoke and he pressed her to him gently.
"You're smart, beautiful and..." He took the small perfume ball and pressed it so that it sprayed onto her wrists.
"Now you're just like her." He told her when she looked at him in surprise. She smiled at him and kissed his cheek before the two began slowly packing the room. He left Hermione to the valuables like her mother's jewelry and father's watches while he took care of the furniture. The room was almost finished when Harry turned to Hermione questioningly.
"What are you whispering? I can barely hear you." He asked, somewhat annoyed as she had been doing it for almost half an hour. Hermione stared at him incredulously and shook her head.
"I haven't said a word; you're probably hearing everyone downstairs." She told him dismissively, returning to her task. Just as she turned, however, Harry heard it again: faint whispering that he couldn't decipher.
"I know you're doing that." Harry ground out, annoyed. Hermione turned with her hands on her hips and glared at him.
"Harry, what are you talking about I-" He waved his hand to silence her, furthering her irritation with him. He heard it once more and Harry began walking around the room, waving his hands at Hermione to be quiet every time that she spoke up to question him. He stopped at the closet door and Harry pressed his ear against it before jumping back and brandishing his wand. Without questioning him, Hermione's wand came to the ready as well, nervous and unsure as to what she needed to be on guard for.
"Harry-" She stopped when he pressed a finger to his lip, signaling her to be silent. He motioned for her to stand at the door so that whatever was in the closet wouldn't be able to escape. He also wanted Hermione to have an immediate exit should anything unexpected happen.
After a few seconds, Harry threw open the door and they both shot out stunning curses at the unknown whispering figure. They heard a thud and Harry moved out of the way as Hermione shot a lumos spell past him and lit up the room. Both looked at one another confusedly as there was nothing in the room but clothes that they had just thrown off hangers and boxes that had fallen from the shelves.
Hermione hurried over to the closet and looked into the room to see the mess. Just as she turned to chastise Harry for being paranoid, Harry pulled her away at the movement under the boxes. Without waiting to see what it was, he shot red stunning spells at it, causing boxes to burst and clothes to fly up into the air. They both jumped back as suddenly a snake shot out of the fray and hissed at both of them. Both stumbled back, almost in shock at the déjà vu that hit them as they thought of their snowy night at Godric's Hollow. Harry was about to strike again when he heard the faint whispering noise once again coming from the snake. Hermione's hand was about to make the slashing movement of a sectumsempra curse when Harry grabbed her wrist to stop her.
"Wait, it's not attacking us. It's just mad that we cursed it." He told her even though his wand was still pointed at the snake. Her stare was wary as he spoke and she slowly backed away with him, allowing the snake to slither into the center of the room where the bed had been not an hour ago.
The snake hissed at the sound of footsteps downstairs running up to see why curses were fired and raised its head threateningly.
"Harry, you need to speak to it. He was the whispering noise you were hearing." Hermione ordered him, glaring at both him and the snake as Harry stepped between them. Ron made it to the room first, his wand outstretched as he stared at the scene in front of him. His best friends had their wands pointed at a snake that was about two feet long in length.
Harry focused on the snake and speaking to it for a moment before he began hissing at it in return. Ron cringed, hating the sound.
"Why are you here?" He hissed, watching as the snake turned away from hissing at Ron and looked at him almost curiously before relaxing its stance.
"Masssster ssssent me here to wait for you." The snake hissed back.
"Who is your master? Why does he want you to wait for us? Did he kill the people in this house?" Even in hissing form, Harry's voice sounded angry and demanding while the snake seemed to stare on at him unfazed.
"My masssster kills no one. He ssssent me to wait for the one that killed my mother'sss tormentor."Harry looked at it strangely and Hermione squeezed his arm to get his attention.
"What did it say? Why is it here?" Hermione asked angrily, glaring at the snake. Not taking his eyes away from the serpent, he answered her.
"It said that he was sent to wait for me. He called me 'the one who killed my mother's tormentor'." Hermione breath caught in her throat as she thought of the massive snake that Neville had killed and without meaning to, she whispered out the name Nagini. The green serpent hissed at the name and the occupants of the room raised their wands in defense once more.
"My mother..." The snake hissed in what Harry could only call a mix of anger and sadness.
"Who is your master? Do you know who killed the people of this house?" Harry asked.
"Masssks. Tormentorss. Massssster has commanded me not to tell you his name. I am to tell you his messsssage and leave with you until he sssends another."The snake told him.
"He said Death eaters were here. His master sent him for us to give us a message and leave with us." Harry told them all. Hermione pushed past him and with her wand out she made her way towards the snake with a fire in her eyes that Harry only remembered seeing during the battle of Hogwarts.
"Tell me." She yelled angrily, not caring that the serpent could lash at her at any moment. The snake regarded her carefully and instead of rising up and answering her threat as she thought it would, it slunk back.
"Massster says to protect the dead ones young-lingssss."
Harry paled as he heard the snakes message and Hermione waited expectantly to hear it along with the others in the room.
"The masked will come for them."
A/N: Thank you for your time. Please review.