Frustrated, I threw down the pan into the sink and flipped on the faucet. Another meal completely wasted! Already, my first week of practicing for housewifery is turning out to be an absolute waste of time! How do women do this? I can't just sit around all day, waiting for my husband to come home and sweep me off my feet after a hard day's work of cleaning and cooking. Peeta was off helping to rebuild the District, and I was staring at a stove. It just isn't me.

I'm a hunter. Huntress. I hunt things. I don't sit around and baste chickens; I kill them and skin them. I shoot the deer; I don't stuff it with vegetables. After making sure I'd dumped the garbage I'd concocted into the trash can, I grab my bow and head out the door. Just as I close the door behind me, I bump into a rather flustered looking Peeta. Immediately, my mind begins to worry me with every single negative possibility. I put my hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks.

"What's wrong?"

He smiles, and some of my concerns drift away. But his eyes aren't clear yet. "Peeta?" He blinks.

"It's nothing. I just…I missed you." I feel his hands lock around my back, pulling me close to him. I reach forward and kiss his cheek.

"What happened?"

He shivers just a little. "It's nothing."

I press my fingers to his cheek, drawing his face down to look at mine. "Peeta, what happened?"

He sighs. "I was walking and I passed the sight of the old bakery, and I might have blacked out for a second, but then I was fine. And I came here. And here we are."

I passed my hands over my face. "A second? Peeta, what happened? You have got to tell me!"

He backed away, his voice rising. "Nothing happened Katniss! I had a spasm, and then the next thing I can remember is being here, with you."

I could hardly breathe. "You found you're way back to me, even in your haze? You still found me?"

He shook his head, a small smile lighting up his features. "Don't I always?"

I took a deep breath, prepared to go on a rant about how I need to have him supervised at all times, to make sure he never remembers things alone. To make sure I never leave him alone. But before I can say any of these things, these very important vital things, Peeta is kissing me, and I can't remember any of what I had to say. His hands are so tight against me, and I wish they were tighter. I reach my own around his neck and pull his face as close to mine as I can, without damaging our skulls. I pull back so that I can attempt to breathe, but Peeta's lips just slide with grace from my lips to my jaw, and then to my throat and then to my neck. I still can't breathe. His fingers find my own and suddenly I remember why I was outside. I remember what I have to say. I pull back. He groans.

"Katniss, I'm fine! See? I'm here, right next to you, perfectly fine. I sleepwalked; that's all."

I roll my eyes as dramatically as I can. "Sleepwalked? Is that what you're calling it?" I stand my ground. "No. You're not allowed to leave without me; you're not allowed to be alone."

He looks at me, his right eyebrow raised. "I'm not allowed to?" His deep voice turns my bones to mush. I still stand my ground. "Nope. Not allowed. I must be present in your life one hundred percent of your day." He kisses me again and I feel him smile against my own. "I can live with that." When I pull back, he repeats his jaw to neck process. I can feel my resolve slipping away; it just feels so good. I drag myself away once more. I notice the sun slipping farther bit by bit down the sky.

"I'm sorry to say, but this," I gesture between the two of us, "is going to have to wait. I'm going hunting." He mumbles about trains and kissing me and I just smile and push him away. "You sir, are coming with me." He holds his arms up in mock surrender. "Please, no, anything but that! We'll never eat again if I come with you." I laugh, but I think Peeta can tell it wasn't whole hearted. His joke made me think of the lacking two legs he has. "I'll go visit Haymitch. How does that sound?"

I nod, skeptically at best. "I guess...but if anything happens, someone better come find me."

"I promise," Peeta responds, quickly embracing me again. "I wish we never had to eat again." I chuckle, and so does he.

"I'll be back before you know it. It's just hunting."

I catch sight of the deer I intend on taking down; a large buck. I know instantly that this creature is doomed. I am a huntress, and it is my prey. Pulling my arrow back, my hand jerks when I see what the deer is standing in. The arrow flies into a tree, alerting the stag to my presence and he takes off. I just stare at the space where he had been. A field of yellow primrose. And then I lose my mind. I start hyperventilating, and I fall to my knees. In the back of my mind, I wonder why I am reacting this way. Why. I see primrose flowers everyday, outside my window, right where Peeta planted them. Why.

It occurs to me then, just exactly why I am on the floor, crumpled into a sobbing blob of flesh. I was going to kill that buck. He was mine; one arrow, and he'd have been dead, just another piece of meat to add to my collection of kills. He would have fallen, dead, lifeless; into a field of primrose. I almost killed that deer, and his body would have crushed the hundreds of flowers that now represented my dead baby sister. Crushed. Maimed. Damaged beyond repair. Gone. And it was my entire fault. I clutched my arms around me, holding myself as tight as I could. Maybe I could keep myself together; maybe I wouldn't fall completely apart.

I try to calm my breathing and I attempt to take in a deep breath when my throat closes up and I instead dry heave. I can't remember what Prim smells like. My little duck. How could I not remember? I am a monster! I take life, and then I don't even have the decency, the heart, the humanity, to remember my victims?
This time, I do not try to keep myself together. I let it all go. I scream one big scream and then I am back on the ground. Somewhere in my daze I notice the moon has risen.

How long have I been in the woods? I'm trembling, mostly from the cold, somewhat because of the stupor I am still in, and a little bit because of the two arms I am now being carried in. This isn't right. I should not be held; I should be thrown. Or left to rot. Numbly, I swat at the arms holding me.

"Shh. Katniss, it's me. Don't leave me."

Don't let him take you from me. What a joke. How could something be taken from me if it never belonged to me?

Stay with me. How dare I ask that of him? Like a true terror, I kissed a boy I had no intention of loving. I broke a heart I knew would break with my actions. I was merciless. I feel Peeta slip something onto my finger, and I can't quite figure out why or what it is, but I am instantly comforted, if only for a moment.

"Don't leave me Katniss. Stay with me."

Always. I say nothing.

I'm vaguely aware of being set down and left alone. But only long enough for my fiancé to start a fire. That's when I notice we are inside our home. I silently look around, hardly able to hold my head up. And then he's there, wrapping me in a blanket and enfolding me in his arms. He kisses the top of my head.

"Katniss, are you there?"

I start to cry again. Peeta crushes me to his chest, and I just cry. Why does this always happen? If it isn't me, its Peeta. Or if we both manage to keep it together, we have to go take care of Haymitch or something. Why? Why can't we just be sane and put together? I remember Peeta earlier, "sleepwalking" to me. Another memory relapse, causing him to see unspeakable horrors; he could have lost it completely. I'm his stability. That was what he had told me. Me. I make him stable. And I left him to his own devices today. All of a sudden, I am mortified by what I'm doing. Peeta doesn't need this! He fights so hard everyday to avoid this garbage! I sit up, effectively ending the safety I feel in his arms. I begin to get up off of the couch, but Peeta pulls me back down, holding me still.

"If you think I'm letting you go, you're insane."

Right. Because that wasn't already evident.

"Katniss, what happened?"

I might as well tell him. I'm starting to think clearly again, and he has a right to know. I glance down at the engagement ring on my finger. I don't remember wearing it out hunting. I remember Peeta put something on my finger; I remember it felt temporarily good. It felt like it belonged. Only being on my hand for six weeks now, it felt as if it were apart of me, like another limb. Just like Peeta.

"I can't remember what Prim smelled like."

All at once I'm back in his embrace. I wrap my arms around him, holding him to me like he's the air and I need him to survive this moment. Peeta is my air.

"I can't forget Peeta! I can't! I'll lose my mind if I do. I will. I'm starting to. I can't forget her."

I'm shaking again, and his hand rubs my back. "You could never forget her Katniss, even if you wanted to!"

"You forgot me," I whisper, and I instantly regret it. How could I say something like that? Immediately, his arms stiffen around me and his methodical hands freeze against my shoulders. I kiss the side of his neck and pull away, grabbing his hands and holding them between us.

His eyes are squeezed shut and I want to kick myself in the shins.

"Peeta, I am so sorry. I didn't mean that," I say to him, hoping I can call him back from whatever veil of darkness the Capitol has him under now.

"Peeta, listen to me. You didn't forget me. They took you from me, just for a little while," I whisper. I can't bear what I've done to him just now, but if I am to be Mrs. Mellark, I am going to have to learn to save my husband, even from myself.

"You didn't forget me. You didn't." He opens his eyes and speaks. "And you won't forget Prim." I nod, simply happy he's back with me. Given just a moment, his words begin to sink in. I won't forget Prim. I can't. But I already have started to. I think very hard.

Medicine. Medicine and goats. And sugar. That's what Prim smelled like. Excited to have remembered, I run to grab a paper and pencil. I furiously scribble it down, ensuring I will never forget again. I hand the paper to Peeta.

"Can you read what that says?"

He glances down and squints. "Umm…mediocre gates? And the word sugar?" I sigh.

Writing more slowly, I rewrite the words that were my sisters' scent. He laughs when he realizes what he'd misunderstood. "Definitely not mediocre gates," he chuckles. Feeling accomplished, I smile back at him. I feel my face fall when I think back to what I had said to Peeta.

"Katniss, it's ok. I know. I know I did."

I lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. "No you didn't." He opens his mouth, to protest I'm sure, but I silence him with another kiss. When I'm back in his arms again, I start to think of the woods, and the primroses, and the moon and I am reminded of another night. A night in the arena.

I am in a tree. Across the way, branches rustle as a little girl peeks her head out. Rue. She whistles her tune and she smiles at me and trusts me and teaches me other means of survival. Rue. Dead in my arms.
I blink back tears. I am in my home again. I whistle Rue's tune. Peeta looks down at me. "I don't want to forget any of them Peeta. Rue, Boggs, Cinna, Portia, Lavinia, Darius, Finnick,…Prim. My father. My mother. Annie. Not even Gale. I don't want to forget."

I have an idea. I pick up the paper with the ingredients to Prim's smell and I show it to Peeta.

"What if we did this for all of them?"

He furrows his brow. "You mean a page for them all?"

I shrug. "One page; a few pages. However many we want. We could make a book. A book of our best memories. Little by little, everything we don't want to forget." I opt not to say 'everything we don't want to riskforgetting' because I know my mind and Peeta's can only take so much. If we overload it with memories all at once, one of us is guaranteed to have an episode, if not both. That was one of my biggest fears. If Peeta's flashbacks take him, and then my nightmares haunt me at the same time, who will be left to save the other? It is in this moment I realize. I cannot afford to be so fragile; I cannot risk breaking every time I am reminded, or even not reminded, of something sad. I can't because then I risk leaving Peeta alone to his own nightmares.

For better or worse, I would be with Peeta. I can't leave him alone just because I can't remember Prim's smell.
Which reminds me of something.

"How did you find me in the woods Peeta?" I know for a fact he can't find his way in the woods; he'd tried once and it took me forever to find him.

His fingers trace circles on the back of my hand. "It was getting way too late. Once the sun set, I decided I'd waited long enough. I didn't want it to get too dark because I know I'm really bad during the daylight; I can only imagine how terrible of a hunter I am at night. So I went through the fence to find you. Then I heard you scream and I followed the sounds."

His hands tighten around my waist. "I'm sorry it took me so long Katniss."

I shake my head. "Don't apologize. It's my own fault for going out so far." I kiss his shoulder and lean against it.

"Thank you for coming to look for me."

He pulls away from me so that he is now looking into my eyes. His beautiful blue eyes.

"I will always come for you Katniss."

Trembling under his gaze, I can only nod, unable to get any words out. Soon, he is carrying me into our room, tucking me in under the sheets all the way up to my chin. I hadn't really realized I was still cold. Taking his place beside me, I ruin his efforts of keeping me warm and roll over into his side. I curl up into the fetal position, taking his hand in mine and lacing my fingers with his. "I love you Peeta." He kisses the top of my head. "I love you Katniss."

We talk a little more about the book. I keep getting more and more excited by the idea. Finally, Peeta gets up off the bed and comes back with an empty journal. Grabbing his paint and my pencil, he asks me where I want to begin. I start by taping the paper with Prim's smell onto the first page.

A few more months pass by and suddenly, I'm cutting two slices of bread to toast. A small gathering of the remainder of friends and family we have pile into the Victor's Village. I peek out from my window, wearing a simple dress in my closet left from one of my many interviews and parties. My hair is loose; a braid just didn't seem elegant enough for the occasion. I watch the faces of those I held dear to my heart, but not close to it. My mother; her first time in nearly a year setting foot in District 12. She's twiddling her fingers, trying her hardest to not make eye contact with the house our family once lived in, a house now home to Peeta and I. I haven't seen her in so long; I feel bitter. Annie Oddair, her little baby asleep on her shoulder; I watch her smile, and close her eyes for just a second. What memory haunts her now? How is she coping without Finnick to call her back from her nightmares? I see Effie, trying her best to be the most pleasant; she even has changed. No longer wearing a bright wig, her red hair is down, cropped to her shoulders.

And then I notice Haymitch. He's wearing his best clothes; his hair is combed. His eyes are completely clear, not a trace of alcohol. I am stunned into silence. He sobered up for mine and Peeta's wedding. And this is the sight that sets me over the edge. The tears begin to fall, and I wonder how on earth I am going to hold up during the vow exchanges.

We've decided to have a wedding similar to the only one we have any knowledge of outside of our own District. With our loved ones observing, we will exchange our words of promises and devotion to each other. And this act has me feeling completely nauseous. As I go over what I have planned in my head, it only reassures me how awful I really am with words. Nothing I can think of to say sounds even remotely good enough for Peeta. I wouldn't say it to a rock, let alone the man I am about to marry.

I think of the one face I don't see in the crowd. Gale had responded to the invitation, saying he just wouldn't be able to attend. He wouldn't be able to face me is what he really meant. Coward.

But this day is not about Gale. Not in the least. I see the man it is about waiting for me. The small mass of people has begun to settle into their seats and I know this is it. The absolute point of no return. I begin my descent down the aisle, head held high, eyes locked on the only person who still matters to me. The only person I still matter to.

He smiles at me, and I don't even try to resist the urge to smile back. I feel silly, stupid even, but I still smile. When I reach him finally, I feel like I've reached the end. But not in a morbid sort of way. Just, the end of all the bad. Peeta is my balance to all of the evil the Capitol has created; all of the evil my life has been consumed with for so long. Finally, I have reached the end of nothing but dark days and black as pitch nights. I have my spring dandelion, my baker, my painter, my best friend. I have it all. It isn't until I hear Peeta whisper "I love you," that I realize I've said these things out loud. I have said my vows without even realizing it. How did that even happen? I put my thoughts to bed when Peeta starts in on his.

"For so long I feel I've loved you Katniss. I really feel like its been forever. But it hasn't been, has it? Most of forever though. My forever's didn't start until that day in school Katniss. You are my first and last forever; you always have been, even when I may not have known it. Even when I'm stuck behind a curtain of uncertainty, I want you to remember; no, I need you to remember, it is always you. It will always be you. I love you so much."
I don't really know what's expected of us after we've spilt our guts out in front of everyone so I do what comes natural to me. I embrace Peeta and kiss him with as much passion as I can muster up while under the scrutiny of my mother and company. It must have been some passion, because Peeta is kissing me back, fiercely. I hear someone cough incredibly loudly, and I know, I just know it was Haymitch. A million curse words come to mind, but he sobered up for this, so I'll let it slide.

Peeta's hand slips into mine, and he raises our hands above our heads and the audience breaks into applause. Soon, everyone is hugging the two of us, and I try not to lose my boy with the bread in the crowd but I fail. When his hand is yanked from mine, I close my eyes, the beginning of a panic attack starting. There are too many people around me; I can hardly breathe. And just like that, his hand is back where it belongs, in my own, holding me still. My breathing steadies, my heart begins to slow and normalize; I am ok.

"Katniss?" I'm looking into the eyes of my mother. I don't know whether to hug her or hate her. She left me alone. She disappeared. She left me completely damaged, broken, and all alone. That had always been the difference between the two of us though. When I wanted nothing more to give up, I always found something to keep fighting for. She would just give up. She gave me up. We could have helped each other, couldn't we? We were both going insane for the same reasons; we could have been each others support, right? No. She would have wanted to crawl into a ball and fade away and I would have joined her. I haven't been much of a fighter since Prim died. Not until Peeta came back at least.

"Mom." She pulls me into a hug, collapsing us both to our knees. "I'm so sorry. I am so sorry my baby girl. Please, please forgive me." Unable to think of a response, I just wrap my arms around her while she cries. This is not how I expected this day to go. When Peeta kneels beside us, mom finally looks up from my shoulder and wipes her eyes. "Hello, Peeta," she whispers. She seems guarded now, a little unsure. I do not like this look she's giving him. I make it a point to kiss his cheek at that moment. Peeta is perfectly ok. She has no reason to doubt him.

Awkwardly standing up, trying not flash anyone while in my dress, I help my mother stand as well. She's shaking a little still, but I think for the most part she'll make it through this evening unscathed. I wonder if I should show her the book Peeta and I have started. So far, we have added details about Prim and Rue and Peeta's family. We've started to work on a section for Finnick. I wonder if my mother is too fragile. I watch her shudder when she glances in Peeta's direction. No. She couldn't handle it. I begin to walk away from her, leaving her with Annie.

A few more mindless smiles and hugs later, someone approaches me and I feel the smile on my face falter. "I knew you could do it, sweetheart," says Haymitch. I am truly rendered speechless by the tears in his eyes. He clumsily enfolds me into a hug and he's whispering to me again. "You deserved this you know. No matter what I've said, you've always deserved to be happy Katniss."

Huh. I deserved this? Coming from Haymitch that was a miracle in its own; never mind a wedding of the likes District 12 has never seen before. Never mind the complete amount of unstable people all in one space. Setting all of these things aside, the true miracle is Haymitch standing in front of me, sober and crying because I can finally be happy. Haymitch backs up, clears his throat and just nods in my direction.

"Thank you, Haymitch. For everything," my voice cracks a little at the end. "We love you." He doesn't say anything. He simply smiles and looks away, but I know he meant it back. He said it with his eyes.

As the sun sets on this day and the moon rises, Peeta and Haymitch start a small bonfire and now its time. The true wedding we've been waiting for. Our papers are already signed, already we are legally married. But no, not in our hearts. Not until we toast this bread.

Sliding the bread onto sticks, we grab each others hands and each toast our own slice. When I see my bread begin to brown I am relieved. Now, now I can finally call myself Mrs. Mellark. Now, I am exactly who I want to always be. This is where I always want to be. Sane, smiling, safe and sound. We both pull our bread out of the fire at the same time and look into each others eyes. We do not hug. We do not kiss. We simply stare. And I smile.

Author's Note: Ok, so just like Katniss, I am rendered absolutely completely speechless by the attention this fic has gotten! I have never felt so loved before! Thank you to everyone who has been reading this story and I love each and everyone of you! I am obsessed with begin a part of this fandom, and it really is so cool to be included with you all. Chapter four is in the works if you guys feel like reading anymore of my terrible writing.

I literally have a huge smile on my face for every review I read. You should hear me. I call my best friend all the time and tell her when I got another review; it makes me so happy! Thanks again!