It wasn't until Amy started to walk that I felt that familiar panic set in. She looks up at me with her big beautiful blue eyes and just stands up. It's a struggle for her; Peeta and I have been trying to get her to take a step on her own for weeks now. Yet here she is, getting to her feet, pulling one leg forward and then the other. Soon, she is stumbling into my outstretched arms and it all comes crashing down on me. How much time do I have left with my baby?

Peeta's arm snakes around my waist. I know he has to be able to sense my rising fear. His touch does little to soothe me. He reaches down and takes Amy from my arms. I am left bewildered and a little numb. Walking. My bitty baby is walking? It doesn't seem right or fair. How can she be walking already? She's only five minutes old! I hear her giggling away while Peeta twirls her around the room.

"You're getting so big Amy! My baby girl is walking!" I take in the sight in front of me. Peeta is smiling and my daughter, my daughter, is laughing. I begin to calm down. She's only walking. It isn't like she's going to school or getting a job. She's just walking. She's walking! Suddenly, I smile so large I feel my face begin to cramp.

"Amy baby you did it!" Peeta hand's her back to me and I adjust her on my hip. "My baby button did it," I say and kiss her nose. She sighs and lays her head against my shoulder. I glance at the clock and realize it's getting close to her nap time. I look back at Peeta and jerk my head towards the door to her room. He follows my look and nods, walking ahead of me and preparing her room for her nap. "I love you baby girl," I whisper as her little eyes flutter closed. "Mama," she whispers back. Her voice is so tiny. Walking and barely talking. She can't be growing up this fast, can she?

Peeta is back in the room. I must have been crying because the next thing I know, his thumb is wiping away at my cheek. "What's wrong Katniss?" He is used to my mood swings. He has had to deal with them for nearly seventeen years now. "She said momma." I am a little surprised to see tears form in his eyes. I choke back a laugh. "You can't cry too! One of us has to stay grounded with her," I giggle out. I hear Amy's soft snores against my shoulder and together we lay her down in her crib. I cover her with her blanket. Still sleeping, she rolls over onto her stomach and kicks one foot out of her blanket. I sigh and grab a sock from her drawer. Covering her foot with the sock, I lean against Peeta.

"She's growing up so fast." I can't shake this dread. It isn't my usual fear either. It's something different. Something more. Something almost like longing. I long for when Amy was so tiny I was afraid I'd break her. I miss having an infant in the house.

Peeta and I walk out of her room. This is part of my routine. After Amy goes down for her nap, I visit Haymitch. Sometimes Peeta comes with me, but today he has a cake he is baking for one of the families in town. Besides, someone has to stay with Amy.

When I knock on Haymitch's door and receive no answer, I walk in anyway. This is normal; Haymitch being too lazy, drunk, or tired to answer the door. What is not normal is the blood I see him coughing up.

Haymitch has something the doctors are calling liver failure. They say it's due to his excessive drinking. They told me and Peeta he doesn't have much longer unless he can get a transplant. Neither Peeta nor I are a match as donors. I don't know what to do. I can't think of one way to save him. I don't sleep at night anymore. I lay awake, trying to think of a way to keep Haymitch. I won't sleep until I've found him a donor. I have crawled back into my hole of depression.

I have left Peeta basically alone to take care of Amy. I know I am being a bad mother. I know it because I am doing exactly what my mother did before me. I have shut down when my family needs the most. I'm disgusted with myself. This is precisely what I promised myself I wouldn't do. I wouldn't become a shell of a human being. I would not abandon my child, my husband. I have broken my promise once again. I have broken one of my own rules. Why do I bother saying anything anymore? I just do the exact opposite. One tragedy in our lives and I am ready to call it quits. After Greasy Sae died I didn't fall apart this much. One tragedy in fifteen years and I have become empty. There has to be a way out of this mental stupor. I can get past this, can't I? Katniss Mellark. I am Katniss Mellark. I can do anything. Except everything I should be doing. I can't seem to function though. I know what I'm doing, the way I am reacting, is wrong. I know it, but I can't fix me. I can't.

I sit up in bed and drag my knees to my chest. Peeta walks into our room and I glance over at the clock. It's just after 2. Amy must be asleep. Now is the time I would normally go visit Haymitch. I shiver and fight back the tears. I feel the mattress sink a little next to me and I know Peeta is sitting with me.

"He's all we have left Peeta. If we lose him…he's our only family left. They're all gone. All of them. Haymitch was supposed to be there forever. He can't leave us unprotected now!" Peeta reaches over and pulls me into his lap. He brushes the hair from my face and moves his hand up and down my back. "I know," he whispers. I can hear his voice falter, like he's almost suffocating. Peeta.

I have to move past this. I have to. I'm not the only one this is affecting. Peeta loves Haymitch too. He is his family as well. I can't let this be about just me because it isn't about just me. I brush away a tear on Peeta's cheek. He moves his lips to kiss my hand, just as he always has done. "I'm so sorry Peeta. I'm sorry for leaving you again."

He shrugs; though I can see his shoulders shake a little. "I'm here; I am. I just needed time. To adjust. I'm back."

He nods and it's all I can do to not throw myself at him and kiss him senseless. I have left him alone again. I always tell myself I won't do that to him, but I have done it so many countless times. He still waits for me though. After all of these years, his is still my Peeta. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close. It is his turn to cry now. I have to be here for him. He just hugs me back.

"Peeta I'm here now. You don't need to hold it together for me anymore. You let me mourn, and now it's your turn." He shudders against me. I play with the hair at the base of his neck. "Let it out." He pulls back and kisses me. It isn't a soft kiss, and it isn't a kiss that could lead to something more. It's a kiss of pain. He's in so much pain, and he needed me and I wasn't there for him. I realize he is crying when I feel something splash against my face. I pull him closer to me and he cries into my shoulder.

He has been holding this all in for two weeks. Two weeks I have left him to slowly break and shatter all alone. Without a shoulder to cry on. I wipe my own tears from my eyes. I can't afford to cry right now. This is Peeta's moment. My poor Peeta. He's so strong. He holds himself together day in and out, not just for me, but for Amy as well. He held all of this in while I sat by catatonic, buried in the recesses of my dark mind. Peeta is amazing. He was breaking but he hid it so well. But I don't want him to hold it in anymore. He shouldn't ever have had to. I hold him tighter.

"I don't want to lose him Katniss," he says, his hysterics muffled by my shirt. "We can't lose him." I know how he feels. As much as we both want the past and the arena to just be a distant memory, it isn't. And Haymitch is our reminder that it's real, but that we're still alive. We made it past the bombs. And the fires. And the wars. And mutts. And mental incapacitations. Haymitch survived all of it with us. He is the only one left in our small world who knows exactly what we've been through and how much it takes to come out of it still somewhat put together. He is the only family member either of us has left. He was supposed to be the grandfather to Amy that I never had. He's isn't supposed to leave us.

"He's supposed to protect us," whispers Peeta. He sounds like the same sixteen year old he once was all of those years ago. He sounds like me. "We have to protect him now," he continues. He pulls away from and wipes his eyes. My eyes dart to the clock and I realize an hour has passed. An hour of holding Peeta. I could hold him forever. I debate whether or not I should try and take control of this situation we are in. Should I burden Peeta? I can only think of one person who may be of help. My mother. The thought is bitter in my mind. I save it as our last resort.

Peeta is my husband. He will want to take charge.

"What do we do Peeta?" I see it right away. He already has a plan. And apparently being married for as long as we have has allowed our minds to sync. "I can only think of contacting your mother." I wince and sigh. "She really is our only option, isn't she." I don't say it as a question, but rather a statement; because I already know the answer. I reach across Peeta's lap to get the phone, and lightly trail my fingers over his stomach. "I love you," I say to him. I need to hear myself say it to him sometimes; to reassure myself that I do tell him, even though I know I don't say it nearly enough. I'm not the best wife in the world, I know that. But I have to at least try to be. I can't be fragile anymore. I cannot bend or break. I must be firm and strong. I have to be the Mockingjay, the girl on fire. I have to be what everyone thinks that I am. Strong. Reliable. Whole.

I dial the numbers I have unfortunately memorized. I have dialed her number so many times, only to hang up before the phone could even ring.

This time, my beating heart and shallow breath get quicker and quicker as I wait for her to answer. I haven't spoken to her in six months. Just after I had Amy. With each ring I can feel myself lose a bit more of the hold I had on my emotions when I was comforting Peeta. I feel one tear fall and then another until it seems like a never ending cascade of salty streaks down my cheeks. I need my mother. I need her.

"Hello?"

"Mom? Haymitch is dying."

Author's Note: Sorry about another short chapter :( I'm actually liking the plot I have planned, but this chapter is shorter because I'm still making some decisions as to who this next chapter will include. LEAVE ME YOUR FEEDBACK GUYS. I love getting it! I'm still so touched at how much affection this story has received. You guys are the best!