A/N: I want to thank my awesome betas adt216 and redsoc. Things in this story are not going to be pretty....Cullen has been a very good boy so far around her....don't worry, it won't last long.

Chapter 6

"But alcohol, acid, cocaine…they were just love affairs. When I met heroin, it was true love."

-Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries

For the amount of coke that I snorted up my nose tonight, my sinuses should be draining like a busted sewer pipe, spewing shit. But no, there was nothing. I wanted Golden Girl, but I don't do her in front of anyone. Now that Jane is gone, I'm back to having my girl to myself. If I did her on the bus, I waited until everyone was asleep and then I would unleash her. She slowly ravages my body when I let her in my veins. Moreover, the way she wraps herself around my body is more blissful than an orgasm from not fucking in several weeks. I was going to do this shit right tonight. Jane didn't leave any cotton, but I didn't care. Golden Girl was going to get proper treatment tonight.

By the time we arrived back to the hotel after our show, the place resembled a ghost town. There were no screaming girls with their tits or asses hanging out, no punks trying to start a fight because "the pretty singer looks like a faggot," nor were there any cops trying to bust up fights amongst drunken assholes. We were all fucking tired and most were dragging their asses, trying to gather enough energy to make it up to their rooms. I was the exception. I was starting to come down from my high, but still felt like I had energy.

I was in front of the group and the first to reach the elevators. My father was talking on the phone to Esme and had veered over to a cluster of chairs and loveseats to carry on their conversation. Bella stood with her arms crossed over her stomach by a column looking down at her shoes. She was farther back from the group, almost separate from the rest of us.

I released a sigh and turned my head back to the numbers to see where the elevator was. It still had four more floors to go. My fingers were busy speed tapping against my jeans, being the impatient motherfucker that I was. The elevator chimed upon its arrival and I darted in, while giving everyone the evil eye at their slow pace. Bella was bringing up the end of the train and still wasn't looking at anyone. That shit was weird. She had fun on the bus after her odd panic attack. Emmett tried to teach her how to play Guitar Hero, but she couldn't get her fingers coordinated enough to press the colored buttons when the notes came up. She got frustrated and gave up, mumbling she had always lacked hand-eye dexterity. Hell, she even drank her share of the Heinekens. Now, she looked like someone had kicked her dog or some shit. It baffled me, but I would worry about it later. Why did I even fucking care?

We were all on the second floor. Bella broke off from the group, as hers was the first room; mine was two doors down. She didn't say a word to anyone, and everyone looked over their shoulders at her with a quizzical expression and then shrugged their shoulders. I said my good nights to everyone as I slid the key card and walked into my room. The bed was freshly made and new towels were stocked in the bathroom. However, my shit was strewn all over the damn place. There on the nightstand lay all, of the materials I needed, except cotton, which I had in one of my bags.

I unzipped a backpack and opened up the bag of rolled cotton, breaking off a piece. Next to the cotton was a box of alcohol wipes and I took one of them out. My hands patted my right front pocket, making sure I still had Golden Girl. Everything was in order. I walked over to the bed, untied my Docs, and placed the cotton and alcohol pad on the bed.

I pulled the baggy out of my pocket and placed it next to the diffuser. I reached for an unopened syringe that lay beside the lamp. I ripped it open and pulled out the syringe, taking the cap off. After I walked to the bathroom, I filled the syringe up with water, and squirted the water in the diffuser. I opened the baggy and took out two Tic-Tac candy sized pieces of smack.

Once the Golden Girl was in with the water, I mixed it together with a spoon, and relit the candle with my lighter. I waited several seconds for it to cook before I blew out the candle. After fumbling with the cotton, I finally pulled apart a piece the size of a normal cotton ball and placed it in the concoction. It puffed up like a sponge.

I stuck the tip of the needle in the center of cotton and slowly started pulling back and filling the syringe until the cotton was mostly an off-white color. I smiled at how beautiful she looked.

I tied the tourniquet above my right elbow and pumped my fist. As I watched with fascination as several veins swelled up; I wanted the one that nested just to the left of the crook. I tore open the alcohol wipe with my teeth, pulled it out, and rubbed the plump vein.

My left hand reached for the syringe and placed it along the length of the vein. I pulled back a bit on the plunger and saw a trace of blood. Gently, I pushed the plunger down until every drop disappeared. Within moments, it felt like a tsunami of endorphins. I felt like a lit up Christmas tree with a disconnected feeling from my body. It was almost like getting laughing gas. I pulled the needle out and laid it on the nightstand.

The comforter felt like velvet, as if I was floating on a cloud. I rolled my head down, untied around my arm, and threw it on the floor. My mind and body were numb. Somehow, I got my body to move and everything seemed to float. I walked over to the window and parted the curtains. A face that looked to be beautiful glared back at me. It looked familiar but I couldn't place it. However, it smiled when I smiled and touched its finger to the window when I did, leaving a glowing print.

My forehead was planted against the glass, staring at the glowing imprint of the face. A dull, thumping noise danced its way across the room, causing my head to nod to its rhythm. The beat danced around in my head, my fingers drummed out the pattern on the glass. My mind wandered to earlier that evening after Alice pulled Bella back to the lounge.

Alice had to be the one to comfort her. I was trying my best, but once again, my best is never good enough. The little girl looked like a lost fawn in the woods, searching for its mother. As she looked into my eyes, she seemed to panic more. At the sound of my voice, she pulled closer into Alice. After she calmed down as much as she could, she left with Alice. That little pixie bitch sometimes aggravated the fuck out of me. I sat in the floor at the front of bus with my head in my hands beating myself up mentally, for making the situation worse after her panic attack. Bella was a sweet girl, far too sweet for the likes of me.

After she was back there, her laughter broke through my dark memories. Her laugh sounded somewhat like that red puppet from Sesame Street, Elmo. It didn't match her voice, which was odd. I had smirked and got up, so I could join the others. Bella was sitting next to Emmett who was beating the shit out of Jake at Guitar Hero. Jake was knocking back beers left and right, but that fucker had been able to beat the fuck out of the drums at the show.

An emotion that I didn't expect to feel blazed its way through my body when Jacob looked over at Bella and asked how his dad was doing; I didn't know how to feel. He knew her somewhat more than the rest of us did. I swore my eyes were red as that was the only color I saw and I would have bled green if someone had cut me; but I kept my thoughts to myself.

Bella stayed on the bus during our show, claiming she still wasn't feeling well. I tried to sit next to her and make small talk, but she would only draw her legs up further into her chest and nod her head. Finally, I just gave up and left the bus to get ready for the show with a pocket full of blow.

The thumping hadn't let up and had gotten louder. I started fumbling around my room trying to find where it was coming from. My body was still flying high and I was falling over shit. When I made my way closer to the door, I realized the thumping sound was someone knocking on my door. I slammed myself into the small portion of wall that was next to the door and slowly opened it, just in case it was some groupies. My eyes froze when I saw it was Bella looking at me with furrowed brows.

"Is everything okay, Bella?" I tried to say with clarity.

"Yes, Cullen. I walked down to talk with you about earlier tonight. Can I come in?" she softly asked. I opened the door wider, giving her barely any room to enter, so she would have to graze her body against mine.

I closed the door behind her, leaving us in muted darkness, with only the light coming from outside the window. Bella stood in the same spot that she went to when she walked in. I saw her eyes shifting over to try to look at me. I knew she was uncomfortable, and some sick part of my mind enjoyed it. But the better part of me finally walked over to the lamp beside the television and turned it on. My eyes instantly slammed shut at the brightness, making my left hand cover them.

"Thank you," Bella whispered.

I sighed and removed my hand from my eyes. She was looking at me, straight on. There was no lowering her head or casting her eyes elsewhere. I gave a small, crooked smile and ran my left hand through my wayward hair.

"So what did you want to talk about? Here, take a seat," I said as I motioned to the armchair. She moved with caution but relaxed as she sat down. Her elbows rested on top of her knees as her hands were loosely clasped together while she looked deep in thought. She looked up at me with a soft expression and a smile playing upon her lips.

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier tonight. I behaved like a sullen child. You were worried about me and I brushed you off. I'm just a bit overwhelmed with everything…especially you," she said as she dropped her eyes.

My brain was trying to catch up and it took me several seconds to understand her words.

Bella stood up and walked over to the window, keeping her back to me. Her hair was out of its ponytail and hung half way down her back. It was as if a sheet of silken, rich chocolate draped down her back. Her willowy body was leaning against the glass, as she appeared to be worlds away. Her eyes held a distant gaze as I watched her reflection. Earlier, I had made my way over to the sofa when she sat down in the chair, but now I struggled to get to a standing position so I could walk over to her.

I made gradual movements so I wouldn't startle her as I leaned against the window opposite her. All of my senses drifted in a haze, yet I was able to focus on her: like how her skin looked as if someone poured sweet cream over her bones, how I wondered if her lips were as soft as the cotton candy they resembled the color of, and how she got to smell like vanilla frosting. Her scent smothered my sense of smell and I wanted to bury my nose in her hair. The words that fell from my mouth, I meant with all the force I put behind them.

"Bella, you don't owe me anything. We don't owe each other anything. We are what we are, nothing more…nothing less," I said through clenched teeth.

Her eyes darted over to me, full of surprise.

"What do you mean, Cullen? What are we, exactly?"

"I mean…we are just us, Cullen and Bella. There are no labels. So what we do right now, should mean little to us."

She moved closer to me, closing in what little space there was separating us. Her hand reached up to my face and lightly touched my forehead, moving a stray hair back into place. I closed my eyes and inhaled, letting the vanilla drench every nerve in my body.

"I want to know you more," Bella gently whispered. My eyes closed and my body shuddered.

I laid my head against the glass of the window and found it to be cold. Her head rested on my chest.

"Bella…" I whispered as I moved my head from the glass. I met her hand, and raised it to my mouth, placing a gentle kiss on her tiny fingers.

My left hand moved down to her waist. I encircled her with my arm and pulled her to me, gently. She rested her head back on my chest as I cradled her against me tighter. She felt good pressed against me.

My breathing became ragged and she gazed up at me with a questioning look. I moved my right hand to underneath her hair as my thumb rested on her jaw and brought her face to my lips.

"You shouldn't want to know me, Bella."

Impatience hit me like a fucking steamroller, making me crush my mouth against hers. I brought my hands into her hair and pulled it back as I laced my fingers together. Her little arms wrapped around my neck, deepening the kiss. I panted for air in between kisses, making each kiss more urgent than the next. She was still dressed in her clothes from earlier, so I moved my left hand down her back and pulled the white cotton shirt tucked inside her khaki shorts. I groan as my hand skimmed over the creaminess of her skin.

Her hands lightly pulled my hair in the back as she tried to stand on her tiptoes so she could have more advantage. My left hand closed its way around her waist and picked her up, turning us so her back was against the wall next to the window. She wrapped her legs around me and relaxed into me. My hands were everywhere- up her back, in her hair, on her face, down her legs, and on her face. She was grinding her hips into mine, causing me to breathe out a ragged breath while her lips trailed down my neck and back up before returning to my mouth.

Once she noticed my dick was hard, she began grinding harder into me, so I pulled us apart. I gently placed her back down on the ground and stumbled over to the bed. I leaned down at the foot of it, with my back facing her, and stretched out my arms as I tried to catch my breath. I lowered my head and looked at Bella from underneath my left arm. She sat on the floor with her head against the wall with her knees pulled to her chest. A look of bewilderment washed across her face.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm really fucked up right now. You're technically working for us and we just met. Jesus. What could have happened…could have fucked up everything. I'm not saying we're never going to fuck, but not right now. I would have regretted everything, and that is something that I do not want to feel. So, I need you to leave my room and go back to your own, please."

"Cullen, I just wanted to talk. It was I who got carried away. I think I've had too much to drink tonight and I would have been ashamed with myself in the morning if anything had happened. I really do not know much about you and I was ready to fuck you anyway. Thank you, for stopping a catastrophe."

We both met in the middle of the room and wrapped each other in a hug. I buried my nose in her hair and inhaled; I couldn't help myself. Bella pulled away some and reached up to place a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. I looked into her eyes and smiled. I leaned forward and affectionately kissed her forehead. We said good night and I watched as she walked two doors down to the room she shared with my father. I closed the door to my room after I saw her enter and went to crash on my bed.

* * *

We had a few days off after the show in Portland. The only thing that was keeping me intact was doing coke here and there. I shot up after everyone went to sleep or well occupied with other shit. And I made damn sure Bella didn't see me. Over the few days that we had off, she had seen everyone snorting coke and never questioned any of us. Although, she did raise an eyebrow at Alice after she saw her snort a few lines.

Even though Bella didn't touch any of the drugs, the girl threw back some beers. She hung with the rest of us. She even started fighting over wanting to play Guitar Hero. She had gotten very good at playing it and was now on the medium level. Bella and I made small talk but we were never alone to have a one on one conversation. At least she didn't ignore me after the near disaster in Portland. However, it was during the last night of our off days that I started to think that some things weren't entirely impossible.

Bella had been on her Facebook page for most of the evening while sitting in the front of the bus so she could be alone. At certain points, she would burst out with laughter and start holding her sides from laughing so hard. It made me smile that she was finally starting to relax and enjoy herself. The rest of us were back in the lounge relaxing and watching some shit on the History channel. It was a kick back kind of night and we all needed it.

Carlisle was doing some shit on his laptop when he looked over at me and smirked. I raised my right brow in question.

"You keep looking down the hall at the front of the bus. If you're itching to talk to her, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you interrupted her," he said as he typed a response to an IM.

"Who are you IMing with?"

"Esme. She's telling me about what's going on in Forks. She says Bella's father keeps coming into the flower shop, asking how Bella's doing. One of us needs to remind her that she can't go for days without calling Charlie, or things could get ugly, fast."

I nodded my head while rubbing my index finger on my chin. I took a swig of my Corona and got up from my comfortable spot. Before heading to the front, I opened up the refrigerator, snagged a Heineken, and grabbed myself another Corona.

Bella was sitting up against the arm of the couch with her legs stretched out while her laptop sat on the top of her thighs. She was wearing a white wife beater with black yoga pants and bare feet. Her little polished toes were a pretty pink she called "Strawberry Fields"; Alice, Rose and her had a girly night. There was music tinkling out of her headphones as her head nodded to the beat. I sat down at the end of the couch, trying not to startle her. Her eyes popped up at me as she felt my weight on the couch. A little smile played on her lips as she took the beer from my hand and twisted off the cap. She pulled the headphones off and paused the music.

"Thanks for the beer. What is everyone doing back there?"

"No problem. They're watching some shit on the History channel about Stonehenge. Oh, before I forget, you need to call your father. He keeps going into Esme's flower shop asking how you're doing. It's not good if you go days without calling him. Things could…well…get very ugly for all of us. So please, call your father in the morning." She took a swill of her beer and nodded in agreement.

"I've been meaning to do that. I'm sure he's going to rip me a new one when I do call him."

"So what are you listening to over there?" I said as I pointed to her laptop.

"Oh, it's Shinedown's CD "Us and Them."

"Nice. They're a cool band. They are also really nice guys. We opened for them a few times." Her eyes got big when I mentioned that.

"That's cool. They are one of my favorite bands."

"What are your other favorite bands? What kind of music are you into?" I asked before I sipped my beer.

"Well Shinedown, Theory of a Deadman, Motley Crue, HIM, The 69 Eyes, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Kings of Leon, Led Zeppelin, The Doors, Guns N' Roses, no grunge. I like different kinds of music, but mainly rock music."

I sat there staring at her with a bit of shock on my face. My beer stopped half way to my mouth. Those bands were not what I expected her to say. In all fairness, I didn't know what to expect from her. We sat in silence for a few minutes, nothing uncomfortable. She typed in another message on whatever she was doing.

"So what are you doing on the Internet?"

"I'm on Facebook and responding to my friend Jessica. She's making dirty statements and asking me dirty things." My curiosity was peaked.

"What dirty things is she saying and asking?"

"She's asking if the cobwebs have been dusted out of my crotch area yet and if I've seen you naked yet."

"Have you told her yes to seeing me naked? And the cobwebs….well, that can be your doing." I said as I looked at her from over the laptop.

She was trying to hide a smile but it wouldn't fade completely.

"I haven't told her anything because that would be breaking client privacy. She says I need to buy BOB. As if I could get away with having one of those around here. Everyone would hear the buzzing."

"Well, you could wait until you were by yourself. Or you could buy vibrating panties and wear them while we're performing so when you orgasm the crowd will just think you're going crazy over us." I joked with a crooked smile.

"That's actually not a bad idea. But I've never shopped for anything like that before, so I wouldn't know where to start."

"I can take you shopping for sex gadgets, if you would feel comfortable with it?"

"I'll think about that."

A smile I couldn't keep from breaking through crept upon my face. Bella went back to responding to her friend. Loud footsteps barged down the hall and I looked over my shoulder to see Emmett walking towards us with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"What the fuck are you up to?" I asked. Emmett pulled a joint out from behind his back and winked at me.

"Hey chickie, have you ever tried pot before?"

Bella looked up at Emmett with a puzzled expression on her face and shook her head yes.

"I did a bit of it in high school. Nothing major though."

"Oh, oh…look at the police chief's daughter being all bad ass."

Bella reached out her hand to Emmett.

"Give me that damn thing and shut up. Do you have a lighter?" she said with annoyance. She looked at me and raised the joint at me, offering me to join in. I nodded my head.

Emmett dug a lighter out from his pocket and gave it to her. Bella held the joint between her lips, thumb, and index finger of her left hand as she struck the lighter with her right. Once Bella lit the end, she took a long drag and held it in her lungs before letting the smoke slowly out. She passed it my way as I took two drags off it before handing it back to Emmett, who took one long drag. Bella took a swig of her beer and leaned her head back with her eyes closed.

"This is the first time in months that I have truly felt relaxed," she sighed.

Emmett tapped on her arm and she leaned over to take the joint from him. She tipped her head back on the arm of the couch, took another long drag, and held out her hand for me to take it from her. A distant ping broke the silence and Bella moved her head back down to look at the computer screen with her brows knitted together.

"I see my father has email. I guess I better get this over with now rather than later," she grumbled.

Emmett and I finished the joint as Bella passed on the rest of it, so she could email her father back. I was glad she was getting that shit done now. Her mouth was set in a firm line as she scrunched up her brows.

"Chickie, don't concentrate so hard. You're spoiling my buzz," Emmett dragged out.

"My father is being a pain in the ass. He wants to call me but I keep telling him that I'm fine and he needs to go to bed," she complained.

She finally sighed and looked relieved. I guess Chief Swan gave in to his daughter's demands.

"He's such a total buzz kill," she sighed as she finished off her beer. I reached out for the bottle, but Emmett grabbed it and said he would get another one for her.

"Hey Bella, I'm glad the other night didn't make this awkward between us. I don't want you to think I don't find you pretty because that couldn't be further from the truth. I was just extremely fucked up." She stopped me by putting up her right hand.

"Cullen, it's okay. Whatever happens, will happen, but if I ever get any signal to press for more, I will take it."

I didn't exactly know how to respond, but something felt different. It almost made me twitchy.

Emmett came back with another Heineken for Bella and said he was off to bed, as was everyone else. That left Bella and me with each other's company, and I wondered if she'd like to play a game with me. I told her I would be back, that I had to retrieve my laptop. When I came back, I logged on and saw I had a shit load of emails, but none was of extreme importance.

"Hey Bella, would you like to play online Scrabble with me on ?"

"Sure. Just let me sign in over there." It took a few minutes for us to get everything organized before she asked me what room to go in. I told her it was room one hundred as I had already set up the table.

"What is your name?"

"Healz_with_handz."

I smirked as I saw the name and sent her an invitation to join my table.

"Hey, can you unplug your earphones, so we can hear Shinedown while we play? Just turn it down so we don't wake anyone up." I asked nicely.

"Sure. Just to let you know…I'm pretty good at playing Scrabble?" she teased.

"We'll see. I'm not half bad myself," I mocked.

I got to go first, spelled out "suction" on my first play, and earned the fifty bonus points. Bella eyed me and shot me her middle finger. My dick noticed and twitched with attention.

"Bella, please don't make that hand gesture. I may have to go back on my word."

Her little white bra strap peaked out from behind the top of her wife beater and I noticed it had some lace with a scallop edge to it. How could seeing something as innocent as a slip of bra strap make my dick harder? I looked down at our feet and realized they had moved in between each other. I didn't notice that had happened.

When Bella spelled out "teats," I knew where this game was headed. She was trying to make it sexually oriented. My next play was "calmer," trying to get this game out of the gutter. Bella raised her eyes at me and stuck her tongue out. In the chat box on the side, she typed, "Cock blocker." I smirked and stroked the side of her left foot with my big toe. After she played "mitten," she typed in the chat box, "I want to kiss you again." Her left foot started moving as she stretched out again and she rested her foot on my lap, next to my very hard dick.

"Bella, please watch what you're doing," I seethed through my teeth. A playful smile crawled upon her lips

"Would it be so bad if I just placed a simple kiss on your cheek?" she asked as she licked her lips.

I paused the game and leaned across. She came over, brushed her lips on my cheek, and pressed lightly, then rubbed the tip of her nose on the spot she had kissed. Her lips then drifted lower to place a kiss on my jaw. Bella slid back to her side of the couch after she kissed my jaw, leaving me flustered.

I sighed and turned the game back on. It was my play and the only thing that jumped out at me was "noose." Bella quickly played "snap." And I played "neck." We both laughed at the word play and took sips of our beers. My right hand moved to her left foot that lay in my lap and started massaging it. She closed her eyes and groaned.

"That feels wonderful. Your hands are very good. Leaves me wondering what else those hands are good at."

"Bella…you're high and the beer is getting to you."

"Cullen, alcohol only enhances what is already there."

"Bella, do want our relationship to be nothing but sex or would you rather we build a friendship?" I asked.

"Can't we have both?"

"Bella, with all honesty, the friends with benefits shit normally gets ugly, and it gets ugly real quick. We are going to be around each other until Labor Day. I don't want to fuck things up when they are just getting started. I can be a really big asshole at times. There are aspects of my life that are highly fucked up, and I try to keep away from everyone as much as possible, even though they are aware of it. Some of them do it with me from time to time, and it's more potent than what we did tonight."

"Cullen, I know you're not a saint. I've heard stories. I just want to see if any of them are true."

"Like what?"

"I was told that once you have your eye set on a girl, that she has no chance of turning you down."

I laughed and played "lust" after she played "stroke."

"I don't know how to answer that. Its not like I go out and try to…I have no idea what I'm trying to say honestly." I paused and just said, "Let's just play everything by ear for the time being. Okay?"

"Okay. And I'm getting sleepy." She yawned as she started to close down her laptop.

"I'm sleepy too. We can finish our game later."

After we put away our computers, we were both laying on opposite ends of the couch with our arms over our eyes. Bella shifted around and looked over at me.

"Cullen, can I lay beside you? I'm cold but I'm too tired to go find anything to cover up with," she asked as she reached up and turned off the main light above the couch.

"Sure. Come here."

She crawled up to me and found a nook beside me where she fit after I turned on to my side facing her. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and breathed in her vanilla scent.

"Bella, where do you get that vanilla scent from?" I mumbled.

"It's my shampoo and conditioner, Vanilla Plum by Back to Basics," she mumbled back. That night I dreamt of sugarplums, vanilla frosting, and smooth skin that I kissed endlessly.