A/N: Sorry it's been awhile. Holidays and traveling made it difficult to update. There is violence in this chapter. And yes, the gun part was based on a true event during an episode with cocaine but the actual event wasn't what I wrote in this chapter. And no, I have never done heroin or cocaine, but I know people who have and I do my research on the topic. Please don't be afraid to leave a reply.

And major kudos goes to adt216 for being awesome blossom beta and lambcullen for being super duper pre-reader.

Chapter 8

"It's true, we're all a little insane, but it's so clear

now that I'm unchained"- 'Sweet Sacrifice', Evanescence

B.

Cold metal pressing against my face woke me from my sleep. I squinted from the brightness of the overhead light, and the throbbing in my head felt like a big rig truck had hit me going ninety miles per hour. The cold metal began pressing harder against my right cheek, caused my eyes to snap open, and then made my breath catch in my throat. I was staring down the black barrel of a shotgun. I cautiously ran my eyes up the shotgun, up the arms holding it, and then into the face of its holder.

I buried a scream inside my stomach, because any sound or sudden movement, I knew I would be dead. Cullen looked down at me and I knew immediately that he was gone, with his lip snarled and nostrils flared. Physically he was here, but mentally he was not. Movement to the right of him caught my eye and I darted my eyes over to see Alice huddled against the side of the couch. Sensing her movement, Cullen tightened his grip on the trigger. Jasper shook his head at Alice, silently telling her not to move.

I took inventory of where I was and realized that I had no memory of the previous night except for glimmers of scenes flashing through my bogged memory. My clothes were the same from yesterday, jean shorts with a thin-strapped lavender tank, and I was lying on the couch at the front of the bus. There were aches and pains radiating from my legs and hips, and an intense throbbing in my groin area. It felt like I had been beaten within an inch of my life. But at that moment, my life hung in the hands of the beautiful demon above me with his feral green eyes boring holes into my head.

A low growl emanated from his chest and the right corner of his top lip turned up into a sneer. He moved the tip of the barrel from my cheek, slowly up to the space between my eyebrows, and pressed the gun harder than he had before.

"Who the fuck are you? And why are you on here? I told Carlisle no whores on this goddamn bus," Cullen seethed.

Carlisle crept slowly into Cullen's line of sight with his hands up in front of him, signaling he meant no harm. Cullen moved his eyes from me to his father, while not loosening his grip on the shotgun.

"Son, please lower the gun. Bella means no harm. Do you not remember that I hired her? She's our massage therapist," Carlisle spoke with a calm and gentle tone.

Cullen darted his gaze back to me.

"Jasper, is this true? Does she work for us?" he grumbled.

Jasper cleared his throat and softly replied, "Yes."

Cullen eyed me for what seemed like an eternity, before removing the barrel from between my eyes and placing it at his side. He leaned down close enough that his nose grazed mine. I felt the warm air covering my mouth and chin as it left his nose. His breathing was quick and harsh, but his movements were surprisingly controlled.

"You're lucky I didn't shoot you on sight," he snapped. His gaze bore into my eyes for a few more seconds, and then bolted upright, charged out the room, and down the hall into the back area of the bus.

A loud clank of metal pinged through the air as the gun undoubtedly landed on the floor. I closed my eyes and attempted to get my breathing and frazzled nerves under control. Alice came into my line of sight, placed the back of her left hand on my face, and slowly stroked my cheek. Carefully, Carlisle kneeled in front of me, his head hung down as he pressed against my left knee. I turned to him.

"Bella, I'm so very sorry. I honestly don't know what to say," he whispered. I cleared my throat and pinched the bridge of my nose, as if doing that would somehow clear my mind.

"What happened? Please explain that part to me."

Carlisle sighed and looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes.

"Cullen went on a major cocaine binder last night, and then he started drinking vodka. One of the major side effects of coke is paranoia. He was up all night writing lyrics that I read this morning and they made no sense whatsoever. As I finished reading them, I heard the sound of the shotgun being cocked and the sound woke everyone up.

"We crept down the hallway and found Cullen looming over your silent, sleeping form. I knew he was completely gone at that point. None of us could do anything sudden or he would have killed you, one of us, or both. My stomach lurched into my throat when I saw him put the barrel onto your face and press down. That's when you woke up."

I looked up from Carlisle, over to Alice, and then to the other guys. Jasper was staring at Alice; Emmett had his hands dug into his biceps and was leaning against the opposing wall, while Jake was sitting on the other couch staring into space with his chin resting in his left hand. They were all rattled but not completely shaken as I was. I knew then that this episode wasn't Cullen's first and something told me it would not be his last. And this probably wasn't even the worst one, but to me, it was the most frightening experience in my life.

Everyone was silent, and I was processing everything that Carlisle had just said to me. Memories from the previous day began bubbling up in pieces, not quite the whole memory- Cullen and me at the hotel, IMing with Jessica, the lead singer of Godsmack eyeing me, drinking and smoking pot with the others and then Loxley Screws playing. Anything beyond that was blurry, like frosted glass.

Dreams that came to me while I had slept were lurking, including dreams of Cullen and I having sex in the back lounge on just about every surface and corner. I scowled as my body betrayed me at the memory of the dream, making me moist in my shorts. This reaction was totally fucked up, as he had just nearly blown my head off with a shotgun.

Alice tucked me further into her little body, almost trying to wrap her arms and legs around me like an impish octopus. I released a deep breath and sank further into her. My nose nuzzled her shirt and inhaled a smell of cloves and cinnamon. It was comforting and made Alice feel like home. Her right hand was caressing my hair, moving it out of my eyes, and she hummed a melody that I did not recognize.

We were allowing the silence to blanket us, to comfort us. Carlisle still had his face resting on my knees, while Emmett had sunk down to the floor and Jake was still staring blankly out the window. Jasper sat next to Alice with an arm stretched out across the back of the couch around us, as he ran his fingers up and down her arm and leaned his head on her back.

The occasional gentle swaying of the bus was soothing and seemed to collaborate well with the silence. My vital signs had relaxed as if I had taken a Xanax. The others had resumed a normal steady breathing and seemed to have drifted off to sleep, as I was lulled back into slumber with Carlisle peacefully asleep in the floor next to my feet. But lurking in the black depths of unconsciousness was nothing resembling peace for me.

I was standing in a dimly lit hallway of what looked like a hotel suite and it was silent except for the distant ticking of a far away clock. There wasn't any movement. I was breathing so shallowly that I had to place the top of my hand under my nose to make sure I was alive. All the doors of the suite were open but one. The door at the end was closed with the faintest of light seeping out from underneath it. I looked around and saw no one.

Turning back around, I moved one foot in front of the other as the hallway seemed to move further away with each step. It was as if I was moving in slow motion, as if what was behind that door didn't want me intruding. I moved my right hand towards the doorknob as if my will would make time move faster. It felt like I was walking through waist deep water wearing ten pounds of weight around my ankles. In my frustration, I tried screaming but no sound came forth from my throat.

Time moved like mud through an hourglass, as I finally placed my hand on the silver knob. I almost pulled my hand back from the shock of coldness that shot through my palm and fingers. After a few seconds of being acclimated to the frigid metal, I tried slowly turning it, but was met with resistance. A little more effort was added but the knob still wouldn't move. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started counting to ten. I blew out the breath and slowly opened my eyes to try again, but with more force. Finally, with what felt like half my body weight, I was able to turn the knob.

When I pushed open the door, it swung open with total ease and no sound. Once again, there was no sound in this eerie place. It was a bedroom, the master bedroom to be exact. I could only make out the details of the room from the light that came from underneath the bathroom door. The bedding was strewn in many directions on the floor beside the bed, leaving the mattress bare. Various articles of clothing were laid in rumpled piles all around. A bottle of Jack was tipped over on the nightstand, dripping the last remains onto the puddle that had accumulated on the floor.

As I moved around the room and the destruction, the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. Something was looming, and I didn't know from where. The stench of the Jack hung so thick in the air that it was almost suffocating. Over to my right was the only window in the room, and its curtains were wide open, exposing the night view of the city. I had taken everything in but hadn't yet noticed myself, so I looked down and saw I was wearing a white cotton chemise that was so thin that I saw the outline of my white boy shorts. I wore no shoes and my hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail.

I knew there was some importance to my being in this room, but I did not understand what it was. My breathing was now slow and deep, but then I noticed that the air had no temperature. No coldness. No heat. There was complete nothingness.

Nausea has settled in from inhaling the cloying Jack Daniels. I closed my eyes and placed both hands on my stomach so I could concentrate on calming the ocean that was becoming restless inside me. A thin sheet of sweat began to cover my body, but I was having chills, a cold sweat. I suddenly felt the need to vomit as I sensed another scent hanging in the air that was mingling with the whiskey, a sweet metallic smell.

More brightness broke through the paper-thin skin of my eyelids, so I slowly opened them to a slit and turned my head. The bathroom door was open. My breathing and heart rate instantly quickened. I knew I wasn't alone in the room. With overwhelming nausea and fear prickling along my skin, I turned slowly around, moving back a bit so I could get a better look.

A male body stood directly behind me that was giving off waves of anger that was mixed with lust. My eyes moved up and were face to face with a shotgun. I chased back a scream that was scrambling to make its way out of my throat. The sweet, metallic scent was now heavier and I noticed droplets on the beige carpet below my feet. There was blood dripping from the man's arm, hand, and fingers. But the other arm was perfectly untouched.

He readjusted his grip on the trigger and took in a harsh breath of air as he watched me take note of him. His upper body was shirtless and he wore loose fitting jeans that hung on his hips. I had not yet found the courage to look at his face. I was too afraid of what I would see there, but I forced my eyes to move to his face. His full mouth was set in a tight line but when I got to his eyes, there were no eyes; just black sockets. A scream ruptured from my mouth and echoed off the walls and down the hallway.

The screaming would not stop as the two black holes bore into my eyes. They wouldn't leave and kept getting closer. I began shaking violently, as he began screaming my name into my face.

"Bella! Bella! Wake the fuck up!" was being screamed. I had fallen to the floor and was walking backwards on my hands, not noticing that my chemise had risen up, showing my boy shorts. Those two big, black sockets were dancing in front of me with the mouth screaming. I couldn't breathe. The blood and whiskey had finally choked me.

My body was slammed against something with such a force that had me screaming, as I looked into a pair of brown eyes that had black hair hanging over them. His lips moved, but I couldn't hear what he said over my own screaming. His hands gripped the tops of my arms as he shook me.

"Bella, it's me, Jake. Stop screaming. You're okay."

I choked back a scream as my shoulders shuddered. My heart felt like it was going to explode and my lungs were going to collapse. Someone was shushing me as their cold hand straightened out my hair. I moved from Jake's face and turned to see Alice, once again, trying to calm me.

Emmett and Jasper were to my left and both had their arms crossed over their chests with their brows furrowed with either concern, puzzlement or both. Carlisle stood behind Jake and his face was tightly set as his eyes cut to the left. Mine slowly moved that way and saw Cullen leaning against the wall with a blank look on his face. He stared at nothing and his eyes were still glassy. Carlisle broke from his stance, stalked over to his son, and got within mere centimeters of his face.

"Look at what you've done to her. She's going to be plagued with nightmares for who knows how long. She signed a contract in which I promised her safety. She could easily take us to court and she would win. From now on, all of the stash will reside in a combination safe and only I will know the numbers. Do you understand me, son?" Carlisle seethed so hard that spit flew into Cullen's face.

Cullen gave the faintest nod of his head and turned around to head down the hallway where he climbed into a bunk and closed the curtain.

Carlisle's hands were in fists and his whole body shook with anger. Emmett walked over to his father and laid his left hand on Carlisle's right shoulder. He closed his eyes and I knew he was straining to keep his control and not go off on his younger son. Carlisle opened his eyes and looked down at me.

"Carlisle, I'm not going to sue you. I knew I was taking a big chance by doing this. I did my research. I talked to people. I knew things could get out of hand and I knew none of you were straight- laced people. I want to stay, if you want me to stay," I softly said.

Carlisle choked a laugh and raked his hands through his blonde hair.

"Bella, of course I want you to stay."

Then I heard "I do too" all around me. There were two knocks on the wall coming from the hallway and I furrowed my brows.

"Cullen wants you to stay, also. He knocks twice for yes," Jasper answered my silent question.

Alice still stroked my hair and I had leaned all of myself onto her. She was very comforting and soothing, almost mother-like. My emotions were a tsunami. I knew how Cullen was- arrogant, an asshole- but he had also shown me he could be sweet and caring, even playful. But this…this had put everything into a tailspin. My mind was pulling in one direction, but my body was betraying every rational thought I knew I should have. The events from the previous day were still a giant haze.

"Alice, at what point yesterday did I find my shirt?" I mumbled.

"You lost your shirt? When?"

"I somewhat recall sitting around in nothing but my bra at one point when we were hanging out, I'm just trying to piece together yesterday's events."

"What was the last thing you remember?"

"Um...I think when the band was on stage performing and you and me were dancing on the side of the stage. Everything after that is like trying to look through frosted glass. I did have dreams that Cullen and I had sex everywhere in the back lounge, but that could just be my libido talking to me in my dreams."

"Well, Bell, I do remember Cullen going straight to the bus after the show. Maybe once things calm down….the two of you need to talk anyway," Alice spoke in my ear.

She looked around and I did the same and saw we were alone, so she took my hands into her lap and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella, Cullen…I'm trying to find a way to explain…him. He can be a really good guy and he is loyal to those he cares about. But I've never known him to ever be in love with anyone. Yes, he loves his family and friends and….the smack. However, he's never given his heart to another human being.

"Bella, I get images or feelings and so far, they have been on target. I can't exactly say what you and he are going to be, but I have seen the both of you getting closer. How close…is a mystery to me. Just give each other space for a few hours or days and then try to talk with him."

I looked at her and had nothing to say. What could I say? I bit my bottom lip and reached over to pull her into a hug.

Dawn was approaching and I felt like I had hardly gotten any sleep. Alice said she would curl up with me on the couch and lay beside me while we slept in case I had more nightmares. For once, it was nice to be held in my sleep.

* * *

E. (Cullen)

What the fuck had I done? There was a hole the size of a goddamn elephant, gaping in my chest. Things went excessively fucking far, out of control, and landed with a fireball crash. What's more fucked up is that I don't recall any earlier events, just the last couple of hours. I came very close to killing her.

My body was on overload from all the smack and coke and I think vodka; too many chemicals at one time. God, I hope Bella can forgive me. I would never intentionally hurt her. I find myself enjoying her company more and more. She listens to me and never once has she taken advantage of the situation she's in.

As I lay in my bunk, I heard Alice and her whispering and mumbling their girl talk. The soft droning of their voices made for a comforting background noise. I wouldn't be surprised if I was one of the topics. Should I even dare force Alice to tell me about the conversation? My hands shot to my hair and pulled at the mass in aggravation. Why was I even caring what Bella thought of me? Yes, she worked for us and we had to be professional, but why did I fucking care?

I then thought about what my father said about locking the stash away. My shit would be monitored for a while; he wouldn't take them away from me. However, I had my connections that he didn't fucking know about. I just preferred Aro, I trusted Aro, but I'm sure Carlisle will put a lockdown with him.

It would take me a couple of days to get in contact with my other suppliers. I hoped to have my own shit by the time we hit Dallas. I just had Albuquerque and Amarillo to get through. But I was sated for a couple of days on the smack and Carlisle would drop baggies of coke for me every so often.

And those lyrics…fuck. None of them made any goddamn sense and I had wasted half a composition book. Not one was usable. But I still had those that I had saved on my laptop awhile ago that I could work on. I knew Jasper would be asking soon if I had anything, as he would occasionally work on songs with me. My eyes felt heavy, like anchors were pulling them down, and I knew I was crashing. The last thought I had was China White, Golden Girl, and chocolate.

I woke to sounds of laughter and screams, and to every joint in my body screaming out in pain from sleeping balled up. I had no damn idea what time it was. I heard clacking and knew someone was on their laptop. And as usual my dick was hard in my jeans- thankfully they were loose fit. I swung one leg over, slid out of the bunk, and landed with a loud thud. Carlisle looked up from his laptop and gave me a stern look.

"There's breakfast in here for you, son. We stopped at a McDonald's."

Great! Grease and sugar for breakfast, a breakfast made for a champion. Luckily, I didn't feel hungry. I gave him an "OK" sign and leaned against the entrance to the lounge. Jasper and Emmett were playing Guitar Hero, again, and Alice was balled up in a cocoon sleeping with drool running down her cheek. I smirked and ran my left hand through my hair.

I walked to the refrigerator and reached for the carton of OJ. A loud sigh and slamming of keyboard keys informed me that my father wasn't happy with me for drinking out of the carton. Add that shit to the growing list. I was thirstier than I thought and drank just about the entire carton. I placed it back in the fridge and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

Jasper had a look of disgust on his face and went back to playing the fucking song on the game. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone back here. As I was walking out of the room, Jake looked up at me from a book he was reading and gave me the middle finger. He was lucky he was our drummer or I would have broken the fucking thing. I turned my back on him and stalked down the hallway towards the front of the bus where my laptop was.

When I entered the front, Bella sat scrunched up on the couch with her laptop on and was typing away. She looked up at me and then back to the screen as if I was just another person. Her brows gathered in deep lines and her mouth was tightly set.

Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy ponytail and she was wearing ragged jean cut-offs and a red, baby doll shirt with Mario from Mario Bros. on it. I shrugged my shoulders, fell onto the other couch, and grabbed my laptop. Bella closed her laptop and sighed. I looked up and saw she had her eyes closed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Edward, we have to talk."