A/N: Now that's been said, I want to talk about something. When, there's no point in saying if because I know it's going to happen, but when this story is reported, I went ahead and set up THREE different homes for this story. It's been on Twilighted for awhile now, but the other two homes are The Writer's Coffee Shop and my blogger acct. All 3 addresses are IN MY PROFILE. So, when the time comes, go there and choose whichever place you to go to.
I hope you all will follow to one of the three places.
THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DIFFICULT MATERIAL TOWARDS THE END. I'M JUST WARNING EVERYONE.
Thanks to adt216 and lambcullen.
This is the last of the re-beta'd chapters.
Chapter 11
"Her sharpened nails in my flesh make me crave for more
Her chilling cold caress makes me feel so warm
She's my addiction, the one... the one I love, my whore
She's my redemption, the one... the one I hate and adore
And with her I die
And for her I die
She's my mistress of pain
I burn in flames of lust... I covet, I crave, I desire
In her I lay all my trust as the flames grow higher
She's my addiction, the one...the one I love, my whore
She's my redemption, the one... the one I hate and adore
And with her I die
And for her I die
and therefore I sigh, she's my mistress of pain"-With Her I Die, Poisonblack
E. (Cullen)
As soon as I closed the door to Bella's room, Jake launched his fucking fist into my right shoulder blade, screaming at me to stay away from Bella. He charged quickly like a bull and slammed me into the wall. Like a match to gasoline, my anger ignited. Without any hesitation, I raised my right elbow and connected with the right side of Jake's face. I whirled around, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, threw him against the wall and crossed punched him with my left fist.
Jake's head slammed back against the concrete wall as his mouth started to fill up with blood. He looked at me venomously, while spitting out blood. In mere seconds, he pounced forward, trying to land his left hook into my mouth, but I counteracted by spearing him into the closed door. I lowered my head into Jake's chest and leaned in, making sure he couldn't raise his knees. I started punching him in the stomach as he was trying to punch my back, but my punches were harder and quicker. With each hit to the stomach, I heard and felt air leaving his lungs, making him grunt in pain.
Loud, deep voices were yelling down the corridor and thunderous, booming footsteps echoed off the walls, which meant Emmett and my father were on their way. Until one of them pried me off this fucker, I was going to continue my assault. Before they came closer, I lifted my left forearm and pinned it under Jake's chin, pressing it into his throat. I reared my right arm back and sent it crashing into the center of Jake's face, busting both lips and his nose. Blood poured out everywhere.
"I think Bella can decide for herself what she wants," I snarled through clenched teeth.
Emmett's large hand came into view and gripped the front of Jake's shirt as our father pulled the back of mine, snatching me away from Jake's throat. Loud, rapid knocking came from the door behind Jake. Emmett moved him aside and Bella swung the door open, almost hitting me in the face. Her eyes were wide and her nostrils flared with her mouth set in a tight line.
"What the fuck is going on out here?" she seethed.
"That's what I would like to know?" Carlisle sneered.
Jake spat blood out of his mouth and wiped away the red current from his mouth and nose, wincing as he did it.
"Cullen, why don't you tell your dad what you both were doing in that room when you were supposed to be getting a massage? I heard everything, not like I could help it," Jake grumbled.
Carlisle looked at me in question. I was trying to catch my breath. I looked over to Bella, who was now standing in the middle of us with her hands on her hips, shaking her head.
"Jake, it's none of anyone's business what I was doing in that room or with whom," Bella replied as she turned around to him.
"Bella, you don't know him. If you had any intelligence, you wouldn't fuck him anymore. He already has you trying coke. Let's just say coke isn't the only shit he does," Jake looked over at me and smirked.
The fucker pushed another button of mine, and I jumped with a fist ready to rock his head back again into the wall. Carlisle's arms wrapped around my torso and flung me to the opposing wall.
"All of you! STOP!" Bella screamed.
We all stopped and turned our attention to her. She looked down at the floor, biting her bottom lip with her eyes closed. Slowly, she looked back up and walked over to Jake, stepping within centimeters of his face. Bella extended her index finger and pressed it into his chin.
"Listen to me and listen to me good, Jake. I will fuck whomever I want to fuck. I will do whatever drug I want to do and I will associate myself with whomever I want. I don't need a fucking bodyguard or a goddamn babysitter. I haven't seen you in years, so you have no right to act like this. Have I made myself clear?" she angrily whispered, but we all still heard her.
Jake swallowed hard and glared at her before answering.
"Crystal," he stated.
Bella turned back around to me, stared for a few seconds, and walked back into her room, closing the door behind her. I was left wondering if she was angry with me. Emmett looked at me and then at Jake. He removed his grasp from Jake's shirt and shoved him, telling him to get his ass moving. I watched as Jake passed me. He looked straight ahead and didn't bother looking at me. I saw Carlisle from my periphery motion at Emmett to leave us alone. Emmett nodded his head, walked over to me, and patted my shoulder as he shook his head. I waited until I couldn't hear any other departing footsteps before stepping away from the wall.
I turned around to Carlisle and nodded for him to follow me. He motioned for me to go ahead, so I did. Our footsteps sounded like a military cadence stepping down the empty back hallway of the club we were playing. We didn't speak, that could wait until we were at the bar with drinks sitting in front of us.
The club we were at was The Launchpad. It was located on the historic Route 66 in downtown Albuquerque. It had two stories and everything was black. Its stage was a decent size and the sound system was one of the best I've heard. My father and I sat our asses on the stools at the bar. One of the club's few day workers walked over to us and asked what we wanted. I ordered a rum and coke, and Carlisle got a gin and tonic.
After the bartender served us and went back to stocking the cabinets behind the bar, Carlisle took a sip of his drink and looked over at me. I set my drink down and crossed my arms as I looked over at him.
"So, what happened in that room?" he calmly asked.
I looked above and over, noticing white and red string lights, like the ones you hang up for the holidays. It was dim enough in the club that they showed up. A long aggravated sigh escaped my lips and I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my left hand. I laid my arm back down on the one that was already on the bar, feeling aches starting to set in and a headache creeping up.
"Dad…we had sex. That's what happened," I hoarsely answered.
He nodded his head as he licked his lips, removing the remnants of his drink. Carlisle crooked his right arm on top of the bar and turned on his stool to face me, placing his left hand on his thigh. I cocked a brow up and waited.
"Son…I've hardly ever meddled in…your intimate life, but please be careful with her. Please keep in mind who her father is."
I huffed as I picked up my rum and coke and took a long sip. The glass made a thud when I set it back down. I smirked at my father as I turned half way in my seat to face him. We stared at each other for a second or two before we laughed at one another.
"Dad, I've told her to not have any expectations. I will not make any promises, vows…, or any kind of declaration of attachment, not knowing if I could keep my word. But I'm not going to lie and say she's not important, because she is," I stated matter-of-factly.
"Well, it sounds like you know what you're doing. Oh, before I forget, I cancelled the show in Amarillo. I found out the club that was booked is a country line-dancing bar. But Dallas is still on."
I down cast my eyes and cursed under my breath. I was hoping I would get a hook up in Amarillo for more Golden Girl, which reminded me that I needed to call Victoria, my connection in Dallas. I downed the rest of my drink, patted my father on the shoulder, and told him that I had a few phone calls to make.
While on my way out the back of club towards the bus to get my phone, I passed Bella who was with John, the drum tech. He was helping her with her massage equipment. I stopped and turned around. Bella looked up from picking up her bag and gave me a gentle smile.
"Would you like more help?" I asked.
She shook her head and smiled more. "No, I think John and I have it."
I waved goodbye and turned to walk out.
When I got back on the bus, Jake was laying on the couch across from Bella's couch. She had unknowingly taken possession of the other couch, as her belongings never left it. A cold pack covered part of his nose and mouth, and bruises were already visible on his neck. The right corner of my top lip lifted in a snarl as I passed by him. I walked down the hall to the back lounge where I had left my phone laying on the table back there.
As I entered, Alice was deep in concentration with something on her laptop screen. I sat down at the booth, picked my phone up, and started scrolling through my contacts. With Vic's name starting with a "V," she was going to be at the bottom, but then I remembered the search box. That shit made scrolling easier. Right as I was about to hit send, Alice looked up from the computer screen, giving me a smile.
"Cullen, I just wanted you to know that I don't think it was right for Jake to jump you like he did. Bella is a bit naïve, but she's not stupid. So, there was no reason for Jake to act the way he did," Alice said nicely.
"Thanks, Alice. He's been starting shit the past few days. Hopefully he's learned his goddamn lesson," I replied dryly.
Victoria's number remained highlighted, but I knew I wouldn't get any privacy on the fucking bus. I said bye to Alice and walked back up front. Fuckhead was still lying on the couch when I passed by. I shook my head and walked out the bus.
There was nothing to see from the club's parking lot, so I walked around front. I needed a café or a coffee shop. There was nothing in the immediate vicinity, so I walked a couple of blocks before coming across Lindy's Coffee Shop. It wasn't a Starbucks, but it would do.
The outside was a peachy pink with dark green trimmings and borders.
"Lindy's" in bright red letters hung above the door. The place still had its old school charm as it was built in the late twenties, from the sign outside read. An older man was walking out and noticed I was about to walk in, so he held the door open for me. I thanked him and walked in. I wanted a secluded place in a corner and found a deserted booth in the far back.
When I sat down, the hostess placed a menu in front of me. When the waitress came over, I ordered a black coffee and the huevos rancheros, which were red and green chili topped with cheese with two fried eggs underneath. Once she walked away, I pressed send. As I waited for Vic to pick up, I started getting pains in my legs that felt like cramps. I stretched them out under the table, but that didn't soothe the pain.
Vic finally answered after six rings.
"Hey, big man, how are you?" she purred in my ear over the phone.
I smiled as I chuckled into the phone. "I'm fine for the moment, but I need a favor, Little Momma."
"What can I DO for you?" she drawled in her Texan twang.
"Well, I'm going to be in Dallas in a couple of days and I was wondering if you could hook me up with some Golden Girl?"
There was silence on the line. I didn't even hear her breathing.
"Vic, are you still there?" I worriedly asked.
"Uh, yeah…Cullen, I am. Listen, sweetie, Aro told me that your father has put a lockdown on you, so there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry."
I was seething and saw nothing but red. I balled my hand into a fist and wanted nothing more in that moment than to punch a fuckin wall…or my father's face. That fucker was going to push my limit; I knew it. I told Vic that it was okay. She said she thought about coming to the Dallas show but decided against it.
I slammed my phone down on the table, which earned a few concerned looks from nearby customers. From how pissed off I was, it felt as if my heart was in my throat and my breathing was fast and ragged. My old man was going to push it until Dallas or maybe even further. I knew my father had the shit stashed in his safe, but there were countless possible combinations to the damn thing.
I ate my food in haste, paid the bill and left. The heat outside made my anger worse, adding more fuel to the fire. This day was turning out to be fucked up. By the time, I returned to the bus, I was drenched in sweat. The cramping pain had stopped, but an ache had started in my muscles and bones. It was as if I had a mild case of the flu, but I had no other symptoms. My headache that was brewing earlier was now gaining strength.
Cool air from inside the bus accosted me once I stepped on. My wife beater and jeans were stuck to my body and my feet were slipping around in my Docs, so I dropped down onto Bella's couch and stripped everything off. As the cold air washed over my naked body, I sighed with relief. I saw Bella's backpack at the end of the couch near my feet. Either she was in the back or she had gone with Alice. I was betting on the latter.
When I finally cooled down, I looked around and listened. There wasn't anyone else on the bus. Jake was gone from his perch on the opposing couch. I smiled and ran my hands through my sweat soaked hair, relishing in the fact that I was alone. My mouth felt like Death Valley, so I got up and walked back towards the lounge.
Between my raging headache and muscle aches, I needed some damn Tylenol. I looked in the fridge for a beer but saw that it was barren except for a Pepsi or two. I scowled at the thought of drinking that shit, I preferred Coke. The pharmacy drawer was next to the fridge and was stocked with antacids, Midol, sinus and allergy meds and Tylenol Extra Strength. I popped out two of the Tylenol and washed them back with the Pepsi.
After taking a few swallows of the nasty Pepsi, I walked over the couch where Alice had her shit sprawled out. I carefully moved her stuff over to a corner so I could sit back and relax. In amongst her things was the remote to the TV. I threw myself onto the couch, stretched my legs out, and leaned back on the arm as I turned on the TV.
From what I saw while scanning the guide, nothing appeared to be on until I got to the movie channels and saw 300 was on. I loved that goddamn movie. Unfortunately, it was already halfway over with, but I still watched it. Queen Gorgo was hot as fuck, and my dick hardened at the sight of her. I would have loved to fuck her from behind as Leonidas did. Towards the end of the movie, I felt my eyes grow heavy. I was worn the fuck out, my aches had dulled enough that I could get some sleep, so I turned off the TV and drifted off to sleep.
Next thing I knew, a loud continuous beep kept going off every few seconds or so, rousing me from my sleep. It was coming from somewhere in the lounge and the fucking thing was loud. I got up from the couch, scratched my balls, and searched around the room. On the table was someone's cell. Another beep sounded off then, so I walked over and opened the damn phone. It was Bella's cell and the text was from Mike. Who the fuck was Mike?
B.
After Cullen left through the back of the club, John helped me out to the bus so we could store the massage table and linens under the bus. Just as we walked outside, I saw Cullen leave the bus and walk off towards town. I furrowed my brows and grimaced. Oh well. I had my plans with Alice soon, but I was still a bit jumpy from the coke, the sex with Cullen, and the confrontation with Jake.
John said he would load everything up for me so I could get into the coolness of the bus. I gave him a hug and was about to walk off when John called my name.
"Yes, John," I answered.
"One of Jake's friends, Embry I think, is coming in from Forks to be Emmett's and Jasper's bass and guitar tech. I don't know if you know him or not, being from the same area and all."
"Thanks, John. I know Embry somewhat. He's from the same reservation as Jacob in La Push."
I gave John one last smile and walked towards the bus door.
Once on, I sighed in relief from the cold air. I walked to the couch where I kept all my shit and saw Jake on the other one with a cold pack on his face. He appeared to be sleeping, so I tried to make as little noise as possible. I placed my backpack on the end of the couch and walked towards the lounge. When I walked in the lounge, I saw Alice on her laptop. She looked up at me and smiled a huge grin.
"Bellsie, do I have a shopping trip planned for us," she beamed up at me.
I laughed and sat down next to her.
"So what torture are you going to be putting me through?"
"B., it's not going to be torture. Trust me. Oh, Rose emailed and said she would be back out before the fourth of July," Alice squeaked with excitement.
Rose didn't treat me badly, but she was standoffish towards me, so it didn't affect me any to have her here or not. With nervous energy coursing through me, I started tapping my right foot. Alice reached over and grabbed my leg.
"Bella, are you that nervous about shopping?"
"No, I'm just jumpy is all."
Alice chewed on the inside of her mouth for a moment before looking back at me.
"Did Cullen give you a joint to calm you down?"
"No, he didn't. Was he supposed to?"
"Yes, I told him to give you one so you wouldn't be bouncing around everywhere while we're shopping. Damn him."
She reached over to her bag behind me and pulled out a small joint and a lighter. Placing it up to her lips, Alice flicked the lighter and a flame shot up, startling me. She lit the end of it and inhaled, causing the tip to burn orange. After Alice took a hit, I reached over and took it from her offering hand. I took several shallow drags off it and passed it back over to Alice. She waved her hands and shook her head.
"I smoked one earlier with Cullen, Jasper, and Emmett. I'm fine. That's all for you, sweetie."
I smiled and continued smoking the joint. Looking down at my phone, I saw it was a quarter past two. It had been a few minutes since I had finished the joint and I was starting to feel the effects. I no longer felt an urge to tap my foot or constantly talk. I felt mellow and a bit more in control.
"Thank you for that, Alice. I really needed it."
She smiled and said, "No problem."
"So where are we going shopping at?" I smiled up at her.
"I thought you would never ask. It's at a mall called Coronado Center that's not too far from here. We're going to have to take the Interstate."
Alice noticed my puzzlement and answered my internal question.
"I rented a car for the day. It's parked to the right of the bus." She said as she continued to stare at the laptop screen.
Curiosity struck me, so I got up to go look out the window. When I saw what we would be driving in, I gasped in disappointment. Alice heard me and looked up.
"What?"
"Alice, it's a white Ford Focus. I thought you would have gotten something…nicer."
"B., it was either that or a minivan. I almost opted for the minivan for all the shopping bags, but Jasper said no, reminding me of the limited space we have on the bus."
"Thank God for Jasper then. I don't need too many pieces of clothing, Alice."
"I know, Bella. We just need to get you something that is spicier, is all."
I sighed.
"Bella, I will show you everything for your seal of approval first."
I laughed and sat back down next to her, but not for long.
"Well, are you ready?" Alice chirped at she closed her laptop and sprung up from the couch, placing the computer where she had been sitting.
"As ready as I ever will be."
Alice chuckled, grabbed her purse with the rental keys, and pulled me by my left hand.
* * *
Luckily, Alice was able to find a parking space close to the main entrance of the Coronado Center. It was the chalky, whitish gray that most malls were, but there was ivy growing everywhere upon its walls. The main entrance formed a perfect right angle with the left side saying "Coronado" and a sun logo on the right side. There were the customary benches and plants out front. From what Alice said, the concrete beast was home to one hundred and fifty stores. I thought Alice was going to have massive multiple orgasms from that one fact alone.
I grabbed the one small handbag that I brought with me and opened up the passenger door. The little white Focus wasn't that bad. Alice skipped over to me with a grin plastered on her little elfin face and held out her hand, waiting for me to clasp it with mine. Her jovial attitude was infectious. Before I knew it, my face stretched as far as it could go with a mirroring smile as I slipped my hand into hers.
The food court was the first thing we came to when we walked through the entrance, which made my stomach growl. Alice looked over at me and giggled.
"Hungry are we?" she said, as she cocked a brow at me.
"Yes. I'm starving."
I looked around at the various eateries and noted a Sbarro's pizza slice sounded like heaven.
"How about we get a slice of Sbarro pizza?" I nodded to Alice.
"Oh shit, that does sound good. I haven't had their pizza in forever."
We walked over to Sbarro and looked at the pizzas they had under the heat lamps. The grease floating on top of the cheese should have turned me off, but it only made me hungrier. I asked the teenage boy behind the counter to heat up two slices of the pepperoni for me, which drew a questionable look from Alice, who only ordered one slice of the cheese pizza. After the slices reheated, Alice walked up and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. I sighed in irritation.
"Look, Bella, it's just lunch. Deal with it, okay" Alice reprimanded me.
I rolled my eyes and gave up. It was a lost cause to try to argue with her.
We sat at a little two-seat table not far from the main part of the mall. Alice ate half of her pizza before she looked over at me and started a conversation.
"So, Bella, which stores do you want to check out? I want to hit Buckle and Caché."
Alice sounded too enthusiastic, and I had never heard of those stores. I usually shopped at Ross Dress for Less or Wal Mart. Charlie didn't make much as a cop and I made very little working at the sporting goods store in Forks. The thought of going into these stores gave me a nervous feeling in my stomach; it made me not want to finish my pizza.
Alice noticed my concern as it must have shown on my face. She knitted her brows and tilted her head to one side. I sighed and threw my napkin down.
"Alice, I don't normally shop in a mall for my clothing. It is common knowledge that clothes from the mall aren't exactly Wal Mart prices."
She dropped her pizza and threw her hands up to her face in shock.
"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry! There are stores in here that are close to Wal Mart prices. There's Charlotte Russe, Rave, and I think 5-7-9."
"Alice, you're going to have to just take me to those stores. And what is 5-7-9?"
"All these clothes in 5-7-9 are one of those sizes."
"Alice, I'm not as small as you are, but I still can't wear any of those sizes. I can wear a five in some brands but not all. I'm generally a three or a four."
"Bella, can't you just give that store a chance? You may be able to wear their fives."
"Okay, I'll give them a chance."
"Also, I want to hit up Victoria's Secret and Hot Topic to see if they have anything good. Hot Topic has been kind of hit and miss as of recent years. They used to be really good. You can get good band shirts there."
I luckily finished both slices of my pizza; I wanted to get this shopping trip over.
I knew better than to ask Alice if she was ready. She was already standing up with her tray in hand looking down at me, waiting. I smiled and gathered up my tray. After we disposed of our trash and trays, we walked over to the mall map to look for the stores that we wanted to visit. It seemed the stores we wanted were in zone B but were either on the upper or lower level. I'm sure there were escalators to help with that.
"Alice, I just want to get some new shorts, tanks, a summer dress or two and more bras and panties."
I had limited space and I couldn't afford to go all out. Alice nodded and turned to me.
"Okay, it appears most of the stores we want are upstairs but there are a few downstairs, namely Buckle, Hot Topic and 5-7-9. And it appears they have a Frederick's of Hollywood store. If you know what I mean, Bellsie."
I didn't know what she meant and shrugged my shoulders.
"B., they have very sexy bras and panties. More risqué."
Risqué. That's something that never crossed my mind.
"Alice, don't make me look like white trash, please."
Alice's face twisted in a look of horror, as she placed her hands on the tops of my arms, and leaned into my face.
"Bella, I would never let you walk around looking like white trash. You're not Jane, for fuck's sake."
I laughed at her remark.
"Now, let's go and have fun."
She grabbed my right hand and steered me in the direction of the stores.
The little imp pulled me into Hot Topic first. I was astonished at the idea that Alice thought I would wear any of the clothing here. She caught onto my skepticism, but it didn't stop her from yanking articles of clothing off the racks. I didn't even notice what she chose. Within a time span of what felt like ten minutes, Alice was done and motioned for me to meet her at the back of the store at the dressing rooms.
When I approached the dressing room, Alice was already waiting inside.
"Alice, you're staying in here with me?" I asked shyly.
"Bella, we have the same parts. It's no big deal."
It would have been a mutiny if I had argued, so I let it go.
"Here, try this faux leather vest."
She handed me the vest and I eyed it with uncertainty. It was dark gray with overall suspender to hold it up. I turned it around saw it bunched in the back where the bottom of the suspender ended. There were three little silver buttons up front to close it around my breasts. I pulled my pink polo off, leaving my pink and eyelet lace bra on. I unbuttoned the three buttons to open it up and I slipped it on. Once the vest was buttoned, I turned around to face the mirror and gasped. It was very cute. A small grin crept across my lips.
"I see that little smile. Do you like it?" Alice chirped.
"Yes, actually I do. But I can't wear it like I am now."
"No, that's too tacky. Either you can wear a convertible bra with it, without anything else, or we can pick out a black fishnet shirt to go over a black bra to wear under also. Either way would be cute. Here's the skirt that we can pair with it."
The skirt was black and white plaid, with a faux black belt with grommet and chain accents. I slipped off my bottoms, slid the skirt up my legs, and over my hips as Alice walked around to zip up the back. She walked back over and brought back little black cowboy boots that were ankle length with zipper accents. When I had the boots on, and looked at the whole outfit, I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. The clothes weren't anything I would have picked out for myself, but they looked good on me.
I looked over at Alice, gave her a smile, and reached my arms out to hug her. She met my embrace and patted my back.
"Alice, this is really cute and definitely more edgy. I won't stand out so much now," I gushed.
"Well, Bella, we have more to try on. Take those off and let's move on."
I removed the clothes and boots, standing momentarily in my bra and boy shorts. She handed me a black corset that has sheer cap sleeves, a red panel in the center with black lace overlay, lace-up detailing near the breasts and a back zip closure. It was very girly, but still fit the look Alice was giving me. I tried on the black skinny jeans she handed me with that had little black pyramid studs under the pocket and across the belt area. I saw little red ballet flats with slew of studs across the top of them. Alice smiled at me and nodded, confirming that they went with the outfit.
Once again, I loved the whole outfit.
"Alice, I wouldn't have even gone into this store, and if I had, I would have been lost. Thank you."
"No problem, sweetie. Now, I have a third and final outfit."
I removed the clothes and carefully placed them next to the others. Alice handed me a black bustier that had bows and horizontal ribbon detailing with a matching black thong. I didn't try the thong on. Alice helped me with getting the damn thing on. It had a hook n' eye closure, so she said.
"The garters are detachable, so you have that option," she informed, as she reached down the front of the bustier and arranged my tits in the right place.
If it had been anyone else, I would have slapped them.
"So what else am I wearing with this?" I asked as I removed the garters.
Without saying a word, she handed me a fishnet shirt that had a scoop neck with three quarter sleeves. I pulled it on and it sat below my tits with the top of the bustier peeking over. I bent down and picked up a distressed denim skirt that had rips, stitching and paint splatters with round studs that lined the pockets. I slipped it on and it sat directly on my hips. The length was just above mid thigh.
Alice handed me heels that looked too high but were very cute. They were a small black, white, and red plaid with an allover black flocked filigree pattern and black vinyl cutout detailing. There was an inch and a half wide Mary Jane strap and had a silver toned skeleton key that dangled from the top of the heel.
"Alice, this outfit is so far my favorite, even though I like all the clothes."
Alice danced around the dressing room before stopping to hug me. As I was trying on these clothes I looked at the price tags, and I knew I couldn't afford any of them. My face betrayed my sullenness. Alice stopped her happy dancing and stared at me.
"Bella, what's wrong?" she mumbled.
"Alice, I can't afford all this," I said, as I was on the verge of tears.
"Bellsie, don't worry about it. It will all be taken care of."
"You are not buying all this. I repeat, you are not buying any of this," I ordered, placing my hands on my hips.
Alice sighed and looked up at me.
"Bella, Carlisle told me not to tell you, but this shopping trip was actually his idea. He told me to take you shopping and let you get whatever you wanted. So, please, don't worry."
I nodded as I began taking the clothes off.
Alice only bought a pair of boots for herself, and the rest was mine.
After leaving Hot Topic, we headed towards the escalator to go upstairs. I snapped my head over to Alice, who noticed my reaction.
"I want to go upstairs to the other stores, Charlotte Russe, Fredericks of Hollywood, and Victoria's Secret. I just looked at my cell and we need to pick up the speed just a bit. I want to get back in enough time for us to get ready for the show tonight."
I nodded in agreement. I just wanted this excursion to be done.
I visited Frederick, Victoria and Charlotte. Frederick gave me sexiness. Victoria gave me class and sensuality, while Charlotte made me pretty, girly and soft. Alice was like a pint size tornado in each one. She left me dizzy and barely able to keep up.
As we walked out to the little white Ford Focus laden with shopping bags, I saw that the sky had gone from bright blue to pale lavender in the late spring evening. I had no idea we were in the mall for that long. Alice was biting her lip as the trunk of the car popped open. We placed our bags in the trunk. She slung the remaining bags she had left in the backseat and slammed the door. Before I could even get in the car, Alice was already in and had it started.
Once I was in, I placed my purse on the floorboard between my legs and looked over at Alice. Her teeth were still assaulting her bottom lip as she knitted her perfectly waxed eyebrows together. I sat there thinking, trying to recall if I had said anything that upset her, but I drew a blank.
"Alice, did I say something to upset you?" I quietly asked.
"No, B., you didn't. I just want to get back to the bus so we can try to make ourselves presentable tonight. We spent way too much time in those stores," she replied.
"You sure we're going to have room for all that stuff?"
"I'll make room. Don't you worry about that."
Now that I had those new clothes, I wished I could take a shower. I looked forward to stopping at one of those truck stops that had showers. If I were in a more normal situation, that thought would have made me cringe in disgust, but now it sounded perfect.
Alice started giggling as she looked over at me, which made me start giggling.
"What's so funny?" I asked between laughs.
She beat the steering wheel with her right palm as she tried to sputter out her words.
"Bella, your face was all scrunched up as if you smelled a fart."
"Oh, I was thinking how it would be nice to have a shower before the show tonight and how one of those truck stops that have showers sounds really good at the moment."
Alice gasped at my response, and turned to me look at me quickly with a shocked expression on her face.
"Bella, you're right. One of those places does sound good. Maybe we can stop if there's one between here and Dallas."
Her reply was not what I expected to hear her say. That brief conversation was our only communication for rest of the way back as we listened to the radio in comfortable silence.
When we pulled up, all the lights were on in the bus, but the blinds were drawn, so I couldn't see who was inside. After Alice turned the car off, she quickly opened her door and darted out to the opened trunk. She loaded her hands with bags that visibly weighed her down. I was already at her side to help carry the load. I took a couple of the bags from her right hand and set them on the ground. As I did that, I looked over into the trunk and saw many more bags. There were also the others in the backseat. As if on cue, Jake trotted over from the direction of the bus towards us.
His nose and mouth were black and blue, and saying they were just swollen would have been an understatement. Jake's face looked as if he had an allergic reaction to something. I sighed and gave him a cordial smile as he offered a hand to Alice.
"Wow, you girls cleaned house at the mall. Where is all of this stuff going to fit?" he asked with light amusement.
Alice balled her little fists onto her hips and stared up at Jake.
"Don't worry about it. I'll make it fit," Alice sternly replied.
"Calm down, short stuff. I was joking."
Alice rolled her eyes, grabbed what bags she could, and speed walked to the bus, where Jasper greeted her with a chaste kiss on the cheek.
Tension crackled in the air current between and around Jake and me. He rolled his shoulders back, squared them, and looked back down at me. I was standing with both hands full of shopping bags that were starting to cut into the tender flesh of my palms. I heard him sigh loudly, prompting me to look up at him from staring absentmindedly at the opened trunk.
"Bella, I want to apologize for earlier. For some odd reason I felt a need to protect you from him. I know you're not a child, but Bella, you don't know him like I do. Then again, you don't exactly know me, either. I guess I feel some obligation stemming from our fathers being best friends."
"Jake, I appreciate…you doing what you thought was right. Honestly though, I don't need protection. You have been extremely irritable lately, and I can't help but think it is the secret you are harboring, it's eating you up inside. Jake, I know we don't fully know each other, but you can talk to me."
Jake blew out a harsh breath as he stared off towards the lights and sounds of Route 66. He stayed that way for a while before turning his gaze back to me.
"I think I will take you up on that. Let's talk after the show."
I bit my bottom lip as I smiled back at him.
"Let's get these bags on the bus. I think Jasper and Alice have to return this rental soon."
I nodded in agreement. Fifteen minutes later, the bags were on the bus and Alice and Jasper were on their way to return the car.
* * *
When I entered the bus, the music aurally assaulted me. The windows were vibrating from the bass and my eardrums shrieked from the screams of the guitars. I turned to Jake, who was behind me on the steps, with pinched eyebrows as I rolled my eyes in the direction of the music. He shrugged his shoulders and yelled he didn't know. He had come back to the bus from playing his drums to find Cullen and the rest of the group blasting the music.
I didn't mind the loud music; I just wasn't expecting to find it as loud as it was. After my ears were accustomed to the loudness, I recognized the music to be from Tool, from the "10,000 Days" CD. The song that began shortly after we walked on was 'Wings for Marie, Pt. 1'.
Moving further into the bus, Jake squeezed past me and placed the bags onto the couch across from the one my belongings congregated. He turned around, moved closer to me, and pulled the rest of the bags from my hands, placing them with the others. I looked over at the pile, feeling apprehensive about where everything would go, and wondered what Carlisle or Cullen would say. Jake must have read my thoughts because he walked over, wrapped his right arm around my shoulders, and pulled me into a one-arm hug as he patted my shoulder.
I blew out a breath I had been holding, ran my right hand through my hair and sat down on "my" couch. Jake sat down beside me, patting my knee as he offered a sympathetic smile. I nudged him with my right elbow and offered back a friendly chortle before turning my eyes and thoughts back to the mountain of shopping bags. My chin rested in my left palm as my elbow dug into the top of my knee on the same side. I was lost in silent thoughts when someone's deep belly laugh broke my daydreaming.
Both hands wiped my eyes and face, trying to clear my mind of worried thoughts. Emmett had doubled over onto the floor in front of the covered couch, holding his stomach from laughing. He tried to focus his eyesight on me through the tears. They fell down the side of his chipmunk cheeks, and he stopped laughing long enough to bring his hands up to his face to wipe his eyes and cheeks. Jake and I sat above him giving quizzical stares.
"Bella, come on. Look at the mountain of retail the two of you came back with. The back lounge is full of Alice's shit. She went crazier shopping for you than for herself," Emmett answered in between gasps of air.
He was calming down. His breathing was becoming more even. Jake stood up and offered his hand to Emmett. The big guy accepted the offer as Jake hoisted him up. Carlisle walked in just as Jake and Emmett were giving each other the "manly" appreciatory slap on the back. He looked over at me and then quickly darted to the other side. A blanket of shock covered his face. His arms hung limply at his sides. His eyes were as round as plates and his mouth was gaping open like a fish.
When the shock wore off after several minutes, Carlisle turned to me and pointed to Mount Retail. The music was still thunderously loud, so I simply shrugged my shoulders and mouthed "Alice." He looked from me to the bags and then back to me. All he could do was shake his head and smirk.
He walked over to me, leaned down to my ear, and spoke loudly to me.
"Tell Alice when she gets back that she better help you get that mess situated and put away. We can't have that shit laying around. If you want to go shopping again, take Cullen with you or wait until Rose is back. She's not as shopping crazy as Alice is and Cullen won't waste all day shopping."
Because of the loud music, Jake and Emmett had leaned in close so they could hear what the other was saying and Carlisle joined them after he spoke with me. He spoke closely to both of them, nodding in the direction of the club and pointing to Emmett's pocket. The group meeting didn't last long as Carlisle and Emmett walking to the bus door dispersed it. Emmett had his cell phone out when he exited. Jake looked down at me. Mild concern appeared but didn't last long as a smile quickly replaced it.
"Bella, we have to get into the club. When Cullen's done getting dressed, tell him to meet us in there."
I nodded in response.
"Well, Bella, I'll see you once you get in the club," Jake said as he was walking to the bus door.
A few minutes after Jake left, the music lowered. I could hear Cullen walking around in the lounge, rustling papers and setting something down on the table. My ears were ringing and I felt the pulsing throb of a headache trying to bloom. I glanced at the black bags with 'Hot Topic' plastered in red across them, and wondered if I should wear one of the outfits Alice bought there.
Since no one else was on the bus except Cullen and I, and I knew what outfit I wanted to wear, I began stripping off my work clothes. Cold air blew across my bare skin from the air vent above the couch, causing goose bumps to rise. Musty work clothes pooled at my feet in the middle of the walk through. I toed them over to the bottom of the couch, making a pile on the floor next to my shoes.
I stood around in my pink and eyelet lace bra and panties that I had worn all day, knowing they were mustier than the other clothes, especially after the sex earlier. There were three choices I could make-stay in the boy shorts, wear one of the new boy shorts or nothing. Going commando didn't sound appealing; even though I'm sure Cullen wouldn't mind.
The pink bags of Victoria's Secret were underneath the Hot Topic bags, a bit of gentle pastel in a sea of darkness. One of the black bags held the top for tonight, and I wouldn't need a bra since there wasn't much of a back to it. I bent my arms behind me and started to unhook my bra. As I was pulling it down my arms, Alice was stepping in. As I did not expect her, I greeted her with a small yelp and crossed my arms over my boobs. Alice shot me a grin and shook her head.
"Bella, there's no need to cover your boobs. I saw them plenty today."
I relaxed and threw it over to the other pile of my rank clothing. After it had landed, I walked over to the pastel pink and white striped bags and started plundering for new panties to wear. As I was about to pull out a pair of the cheeky hipsters that were white and said "I Want It All" across the ass, Alice's hand gripped the top of mine, stopping me from further pulling them out.
"B., we're both not exactly the freshest down there, so before we go putting on clean panties, I think we should get some of my feminine wipes and freshen up a bit. Don't ya think?" Alice asked with a turned upper lip and a cocked eyebrow.
I nodded as I replied," Alice, that is great. I need to buy some."
She smiled in response as she walked back to the lounge. I heard Cullen and her exchange words. I bent down and parted some of the bags so I could make a space for me to sit. The hipsters I had half way pulled out were lying limp across the bag. I gathered them up and waited for Alice to return with the wipe. My brain pulled my thoughts quickly to Cullen and to that tiny room where we…fucked. We sure didn't make love.
He had been incredibly gentle with me, and God, was he an amazing lover. As my thoughts moved from remembering how he felt to recalling the multiple bruises that marked up both of his arms, I began wondering if he bruised easily and had some kind of vitamin deficiency.
"Why the long face, Bella?" Alice asked, breaking me from my concerned thoughts.
I looked up, with the hipsters in hand and took the teal package from her.
"Bell, those are flushable," Alice quietly informed me.
I smiled and thanked her as I turned to head down the hallway to the restroom.
After I cleaned myself up and flushed the wipe, I slipped on the new hipsters. They fit perfectly around my ass, hips, and thighs. Around the top of them was a small band of Pepto Bismol pink lace. I glanced down and looked to see how they looked from behind. On white background, in black lettering stamped across my ass was "I WANT IT ALL." There were several connotations for that, but I liked them and didn't care what others thought. The fleshy rounded bottom of my ass peeked from underneath the leg seam that pulled softly at the crease of my cheek.
When I was satisfied with how I looked, I opened the restroom door and started to walk out into the hall. I didn't make it far. My nose ran into a firm muscular chest that was covered in a black fitted cotton t-shirt. I tilted my face up to see that it was Cullen. There we were, standing in the hallway; I was naked with the exception of the panties, and he was smirking down at me. He grazed the back of his fingers across my left nipple, groaning in satisfaction as they hardened from his touch. I swallowed hard and loud before managing to say anything. Cullen beat me to it.
"Why are you coming out of the restroom topless, pretty girl?" he said as a slight slur stretched the words out.
I looked down at his left hand and saw he had one of the big bottles of Jack Daniels. His hand left my breast, and as he slowly placed it back at his side, I noticed a moderate amount of trembling of his hand. Was he well enough to even perform tonight?
"I came back here to clean up a bit before I got dressed for tonight," I paused before I started back. "Listen, Cullen, are you okay to perform tonight?" I asked as my words dripped with honest concern.
I watched his Adam's apple slide up and down as he swallowed. He tried to focus his eyes on my face, but he had to squint so he could see me. The muscles in his right arm tensed as they tried to control their trembling.
"I'm fine. I…just get nervous before a show…sometimes." His words fumbled out of his mouth as he slurred them.
Before I could reply, he placed both hands on the frame of the restroom door and leaned down towards my face. I didn't back down, instead I inched my face towards his. We were close enough to feel the warm breaths from our parted lips, only his was tinged with whiskey and…mint. My eyes closed as I felt his lips graze mine. I silenced a moan in my throat as he deepened the kiss for a brief second. His tongue slithered across my bottom lip before he ended the contact with a chaste kiss on my left cheek.
He pushed off from the doorframe, licked his lips, and smiled crookedly at me. My lips burned from his contact, making my fingers hover above the sensitive skin.
"I'll see you after while, pretty girl," he slurred through his crooked smile.
I nodded and watched as he sauntered down the hall and out of the bus to walk to the club. Alice's tiny head appeared around the corner after Cullen disappeared. She had her eyebrows raised in question, as if asking why I was still standing in the hallway. She moved in front of the hallway entrance with her hands on her hips.
"Bella, come back up here. Let's get dressed so we can get back to the guys."
I shook my head to clear the fog that had rapidly set in, laughed to myself, and walked back to the front of the bus.
* * *
Oh how I wished I were a wallflower! Try as I might, I couldn't burrow far enough into the corner where I stood. As I sipped my bourbon and coke quietly in the corner, I felt the eyes of every male in the establishment gawking at me, except for one who was nowhere in sight. I crossed my arms over my scantily covered chest, not used to having this much skin exposed.
Not surprisingly, Alice had picked out the outfit I had planned to wear and was now dressed in. Once I had everything on, I looked at myself in the floor length mirror Alice had somehow smuggled on the bus. At first, I didn't believe it was me.
Standing before the mirror was a girl dressed in a grey, faux leather suspender vest with racer back suspenders. It had a back ruched detail, front button pockets, a button up front, a black and white plaid print skirt with a faux black belt with grommet and chain accents, and black, zipper track ankle cowboy boots. Alice pulled my hair up in a high ponytail that slicked my hair back, smudged my top eyelid to give me a minimal smoky look, applied mascara, and dabbed on a red lip tint.
As I stood in my corner of the backstage area and sipped my drink, I tried to drink the liquid without fully pressing my lips upon the cup. I didn't want to ruin Alice's hard work. Loxley Screws was opening for someone named Wednesday 13, so from my corner I was able to watch this guy. He was the typical looking Goth, with long black hair, pale skin, and wore black lipstick. I didn't find him unattractive. He just wasn't my type. He seemed nice enough during the brief conversation we had before he noticed my lack of interest.
Only a few men bothered to stop by my corner to talk, but they met the same fate as poor Wednesday. Mostly, they gave a cursory glance or wink and moved on. Alice had left me alone once she spotted Jasper. Before she left, she asked if I would be okay by myself and I reassured her that I would. Now as I stood in my corner, wishing I were cheap hotel wallpaper, I wanted her by my side. This night couldn't end soon enough.
Just as I was about to leave the safety of my corner to refill my drink, Emmett came in from the hallway, stopped in his tracks and stared me down. His staring started to give way to an overwhelming sense of uneasiness. My eyes darted back and forth; I crossed my arms over my chest while I looked down at the floor. Emmett sensed my sheepishness and diverted his eyes as he ran his hand through his short-cropped hair. He looked back up at me with a smile that made him look like a little boy.
"Hey Bellsie, I'm sorry for staring like that. You just surprised me. I hadn't expected to find you looking like that. Where's Cullen? I'm sure once he sees you, he'll never leave your side," Emmett asked, as he was scanning the room for his brother.
I took the last sip of my drink and shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't know. I haven't seen him since he left the bus a while ago."
"Oh well. What ya drinking there, B.? I'll refill it for ya."
I smiled, handed him my cup and said, "Bourbon and coke. Thank you for doing that, Em."
Emmett smiled, waved his drink, as he replied, "No problem."
He walked off with my cup, leaving me standing by the door. I turned around and leaned against the wall scanning the room, as my eyes roamed over people dry humping in a corner across the room, knocking back shots, or standing around in clusters carrying on conversations.
My mind was lost in its thoughts when Cullen walked in. I knew he had entered by his voice. He had stopped at the entrance, still carrying his bottle of Jack and appeared to be looking for someone. I saw a small hand rub across his chest and I leaned forward enough off the wall to see a tall blonde snugly fitted to his side. He had his left arm around her waist, but he didn't seem to be paying her any attention.
A pang of jealousy ruptured along my central nervous system, making me ball up my fists and grit my teeth. His eyes were heavily lidded, his hands still had a trace of the trembling, and he swayed off kilter before he righted himself. He was fucking drunk, like beyond oblivion drunk. The stench of the alcohol rolled off him in waves that mixed with his body odor.
I was trying to keep my stomach from roiling by pressing my hand up to my mouth as he turned his head and looked down at me. Cullen caught me looking at him, but he didn't quite recognize me at first. Once he did, his eyes widened as much as they could. He turned to the girl at his side, whispered something in her ear, which made her scowl up at him and look around towards me. She rolled her eyes and then walked away.
I continued to stare at the doorway, even though the girl was gone. His presence loomed over me like a storm cloud. With me lost in thoughts and purposely avoiding his eyes, I hadn't noticed hot air traveling up my neck and warm flesh pressing against the underside of my left ear. Treacherous thing that is my body, it was succumbing to the desire Cullen brought forth. I closed my eyes, gasped, and bit my lower lip. He murmured words in my ear, but his voice sounded like whispers upon a breeze so I didn't quite hear what they were.
"Be very quiet and still. I don't have time to drag you back out to the bus, but I want to see your pretty little face when I make you silently come," he huskily announced in my ear, as he moved half way in front of me but not completely blocking my view of the room.
He leaned his forehead against the side of my face as he placed chaste kisses upon my forehead, eyelid, cheek and the corner of my mouth. I felt his left hand move down my right arm, to the inward curve of my waist and finally resting on my hip. His hand toyed with the hem of my skirt, as I stayed stationary against the wall. His fingers that stayed on the skirt hem moved towards my left inner thigh, bringing the skirt with them. I panted as his fingers slid up my thigh.
Heartbeats thundered in my ears and I shook when I breathed. Cullen's lips were still placing tiny kisses upon my lips, cheek, ear, and neck. Everything and everyone seemed oblivious to us, but the excitement fluttered in my belly as my lust clenched lower in my abdomen. I knew my panties were soaked, and we both moaned when he felt them.
"Look at my pretty girl, all wet and ready for me. I'm half tempted to fuck you right here, but I won't push you that far," I heard him whisper breathily.
My back arched and I sighed loudly when he placed two fingers in me, all the way in me. He smiled against my cheek as he leaned his forehead against mine and he tightened his grip on my hip with his left hand. I didn't look at him. I maintained what I could of my focus on the crowd in the room, but my sight darkened as I closed my eyes, concentrating on the immense pleasure between my legs. Cullen's fingers played me as if he was a bass player. It felt as if his entire right hand was in my panties with his thumb on my clit, three of his fingers were inside of me, and his pinky grazing the side of my right thigh.
The pressure grew in my groin as I fought to keep from releasing my pleasure vocally. I pressed my thighs together to add friction to the rhythm of his fingers and encourage the impending orgasm.
"Look at me, pretty girl," Cullen ordered softly.
I pried my eyes open and looked into his grass green eyes. They were still heavily lidded, but his breathing was as labored as mine was. In that moment, I understood why he wanted me to look at him. He wanted to watch me as I came. I removed my right hand from the wall and wound it in his hair, pulling him forward as my mouth searched for his.
Our kiss was deep and slow; we moaned as his fingers slipped out of me faster with each push and pull. My grip on his hair tightened, my thighs pressed harder and he pulled away so he could watch my arousal spill over. He sped his thrusting, shoving them hard. I kept my gaze on his. I bit my lip and the inside of my cheek as my breathing rushed out of my nose. When I felt the powerful constriction of cervical and vaginal muscles, the gush of fluid, and every nerve ending set on fire, I fisted my hand in his hair. I shook at the intensity and mewed quietly as I watched his lips turn up into a smile.
"Pretty girl, that was amazingly beautiful. You should see how pink your face is at this moment," Cullen whispered with pure delight.
I still had my grip on his hair, so I pulled him down to my mouth. He kissed me deeply for a few more seconds and pulled away.
"Listen, pretty girl, I hate to…finger and run, but I have to get ready for the show. We're about to go on. Will you be with Alice out front?"
I could only nod. He wiped his fingers on his jeans, kissed my cheek, and walked out the room. Something rattled when I moved my left foot. I looked down and saw it was Cullen's big ass bottle of Jack. There was plenty of it left, and it wouldn't go to waste between Alice and me. Emmett walked up with my cup in hand with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Mortification shot through me. He had seen the entire…show.
"Emmett, please don't say a fucking word," I seethed, pointing my finger at his face.
He handed over my cup, threw his hands in front of him as if in surrender, and said, "I'm not saying anything. I didn't see anything, either."
"Thank you. Aren't you supposed to be with the rest of the band? That's why Cullen left. You're about to start," I asked.
"Oh shit!" Emmett raced out the room with a speed I didn't know a man that big could possess.
* * *
In spite of Cullen being completely shit-faced, the show hadn't been too bad. They did two covers- "Come Together" by The Beatles and "L.A. Woman" by The Doors. After the show, he disappeared. Jasper mentioned something about how he wasn't feeling well. He had a headache, nausea, and pain. I should have gone back on the bus, but Alice pulled my hand in the direction of more alcohol and weed.
By the time we left Albuquerque, it was after three in the morning. I was as exhausted as everyone else. My body flopped down on my couch and that was the last memory I had before greeting the sandman.
Several prolonged intervals of shuffling and moaning pulled me from unconsciousness. I turned my head in the direction I thought the noise was coming from and slowly opened my eyes. In my hazy eyesight, I saw Cullen sitting on the floor across from me leaning against the other couch. His unruly hair was wet and glued to his scalp. Sweat poured off his face and glistened on his bare chest and arms. There was a big dark gray box sitting between his legs with his trembling hands trying unsuccessfully to turn the dial on the front of it.
I rolled over onto my side and sat up. Without even bothering to look, I knew my hair was haywire, but that didn't matter. Cullen slammed his back into the couch, ran his hands over his legs, and groaned as if in pain. He looked over at me with his full lips turned down and eyebrows pinched. He was in pain.
I slid off my couch onto the floor. Cullen looked at me with labored breathing as his trembling hands rested on the tops of his thighs. Something wasn't right. I reached my hand out and placed it on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding a mile a minute. He raised a shaking hand up to cover my hand and swallowed as he looked up at the ceiling.
"Cullen, what's wrong?" I calmly asked.
Before he could answer, his hand shot back to his legs and rubbed rapidly. He groaned in pain as a new wave of sweat started covering his body. He nodded at the safe, and immediately I knew whatever he needed was in there.
"What is the combination?" I asked as I rushed to the little dial.
"I…don't really know. It…could…be a …number of combinations," he said between shudders.
He started rattling off various groups of numbers, but none of them worked. With each wrong attempt, his pain seemed to intensify. He stopped prattling off numbers and settled into a silent agony. His face twisted and contorted in pain.
"There is another set that may be the combination. It's the date my mother died," he raggedly whispered.
I twisted the dial with the numbers he gave me, and when the last number was turned, the safe door opened. I turned my eyes to him and saw a brief moment of peace wash over his face. He pointed over to a black backpack that was sitting beside my couch on the floor. I reached behind me and grabbed it. He slowly sat up, took the bag from me and with trembling hands, he tried opening the bag.
I asked if he wanted help, but he pushed my hand away. After several tries, Cullen finally pulled out a black case that was zipped. His eyes roamed over to me and looked at me questioningly.
"What do you need?"
"There's a bottle of lemon juice in the fridge in the lounge. Can you get it for me?"
I nodded and quickly scrambled up so I could run down the hallway.
There was no trouble finding the lemon juice. As I started to leave the lounge, I looked around and saw Alice and Jasper passed out naked in each other's arms. Everyone appeared to be asleep. When I walked back up front, Cullen had several instruments laid out. I sat down in front of him and noticed his shaking had gotten worse. He was slumped against the couch again in deeper agony than before.
As I placed the juice next to everything else, I saw a baggy of what looked like dirt. There was a spoon, a tourniquet, cotton, a lighter and a syringe. His eyes were full of agony as his body began trembling all over.
"Please do as I say, and don't ask questions," he ordered through gritted teeth.
I nodded. He told me to take the tourniquet, wrap it around his upper arm and to tighten it as he flexed his hand. Several veins popped up from the restrained blood flow. Between pained gasps, he started ordering me to take the baggy, open it, and pour the contents onto the spoon. I reached over for the lemon juice, filled the cap half way, and poured it on the spoon with the dirt looking substance. I took the lighter, placed it under the spoon, and flicked it on to heat the bottom of the spoon. Within a few moments, the liquid had turned a golden color.
Words, conversations, and memories ran through my mind at warp speed. This was Golden Girl. I didn't know what this was but Cullen was on the verge of convulsing with the need for it. He motioned at the cotton and somehow I knew to soak of the liquid into it. After it was absorbed, I uncapped the syringe, stuck it in the cotton, and pulled back on the plunger until it completely filled. Before I could hand the syringe over to Cullen, he snatched it out of my hand.
His hand shook so badly that he couldn't keep the needle flush against his vein. He tried several attempts and screamed with aggravation each time.
"Cullen, do you want me to do that for you?" I asked.
His eyes shot up to me in anger and he handed it to me. I held the full syringe in my hand, staring at it in confusion. Was I really about to do this? I had no idea what this was, but apparently, he needed it.
"Please, goddamn it, hurry the fuck up!" he screamed at me.
I sat up on my knees, slowly reached over, and placed it flat against his arm on top of the vein. I stalled. I couldn't do this. Something was screaming at me internally that this was wrong. My body started shaking as bad as his did with heavy tears falling down my face. The tears quickly became violent sobs that racked my body. He snarled in my face and snatched the syringe from my hand, plunging it deep into the middle of the vein.
Blood started spurting everywhere and ran down his arm in several streams. It covered my face, hands, clothes and it splattered all over his alabaster white chest. Something high pitched pierced my ears. It wouldn't stop as my brain was trying to register all the blood and the needle hanging out of his arm. His face had grown slack before he leaned over and threw up. Every content of his stomach landed on the carpet beside us.
After he was done puking, Cullen lolled his head back and stared blankly at me, as the terrible squealing continued. I felt arms pull me back. Loud voices and screams filled my senses. I saw Alice hover above my face, wiping away the blood. The terrible sound had stopped.
Alice shook my face between her hands, pulling me into focus. I started nodding my head and she released me. She settled beside me as she cleaned my arms while I watched Carlisle and Emmett tend to Cullen. Jasper turned to me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me over to them.
"Bella, what happened? Tell me everything that happened," Carlisle rattled off.
I swallowed hard and started explaining the best I could. Carlisle cursed under his breath. He raised his hand and ran it through his hair. Emmett looked at his father with rage.
"You, motherfucker. You kept him away from it on purpose. Were you trying to make him go through withdrawal on his own? That shit could have seriously hurt him. This episode could still harm him because he was in sheer goddamn agony. I know you don't like him doing this shit. I don't either. But if you start pulling this shit on him, he is going to get it elsewhere. If he gets it elsewhere, who knows what the fuck will be in it?" Emmett seethed.
Carlisle blew out a harsh breath and nodded.
"I know, son. I was going to give him some when we got to Dallas. I didn't think he would react this badly. It…after the incident with Bella and the gun, I thought it would be better if I monitored his intake."
"Dad, if Cullen wants this shit, he'll stop at nothing to get it. This stunt proves that."
I sat in stunned silence. Cullen was a drug addict, but I didn't know what drug.
"What was the substance in the syringe?" I meekly asked.
Carlisle looked at me and said, "Persian heroin."
I knew nothing about heroin, nothing at all.
Cullen lazily lifted his head, partially opened his eyes, and looked over at me with a sleepy smile on his face. Even though I knew he was high, I couldn't help but return his smile, no matter how small it was. There was now a bandage on his arm and someone had cleaned most of the blood. He tried to raise that hand, but failed. I reached my left hand over and took his. I felt him faintly try to squeeze it, so I squeezed back to let him know I felt it. His half-opened eyes were staring at me.
"Come…here. Please, he mumbled.
I moved closer to him and I felt his breathing had evened out. A russet colored hand shot out in front of my face, and I looked up to see Jake shaking his head. I scowled at him. That was his warning to leave it alone until later. He pinched his eyebrows together and removed his hand. I returned my attention back to Cullen, who was still staring at me. His thumb started moving back and forth over the top of my hand. I sighed and gave him a partial smile.
"I think…I like you," he whispered.
I didn't know what to say and he blacked out.