A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update. I moved, had to get situated, and then had to think who I wanted to start this chapter off with. This chapter contains harsh flashbacks from Cullen's memories. He has not done nice things. There isn't any rape, just so you know.
And big thank yous to adt216 and lambcullen for betaing and pre reading this.
Chapter 12
"At dusk the window panes grew grey;
The wet world vanished in the gloom;
The dim and silver end of day
Scarce glittered through the little room.
And all my sins were told; I said
Such things to her who knew not sin-
The sharp ache throbbing in my head,
The fever running high within-
I touched with pain her purity;
Sin's darker sense I could not bring;
My soul was black as night tome;
To her I was a wounded thing.
I needed love no words could say;
She drew me softly nigh her chair,
My head upon her hands to lay,
With cool hands that caressed my hair.
She sat with hands as if to bless
And looked with grave, ethereal eyes,
Ensouled with ancient Quietness
A gentle priestess of the Wise"
-Forgiveness, George William "AE" Russell (1867–1935)
Cullen
A blanket of coldness wrapped around my body, causing small twitches from shivering throughout my body. Despite the coldness, I felt like there was a heater beside me. Consciousness skimmed below the surface as events played out in my mind like some twisted television program. There was one scene where I told Bella that I liked her. I knew these were memories of yesterday up to the point of me blacking out.
As I fought for the energy to pry my eyelids open, I felt something move beside me. It was then I realized I had no recollection of where I was or how I got there. Cold air blasted across my body, prickling my skin more than it already was. The thin layers of skin that were my eyelids felt like anvils lying on my eyeballs. I felt them flutter, as the urge to open them overwhelmed me.
Small, warm blankets enclosed my body while wrapping themselves around my legs, shoving away the icy air. I pried one lid open halfway and saw the faint glow of the overhead lights of the hallway seeping through the slits of the curtain. I was in my bunk, and someone was lying beside me.
A head rested against my back with small hands tucked underneath my side. The person breathed with a slow, steady rhythm. I pulled one of my hands from underneath my head and crept down to rub my bent finger along the length of the arm. When I moved my arm, it moved a strand of hair, and instantly a perfume of vanilla frosting assaulted me. Bella lay beside me.
Normally, her scent aroused me, comforted me, but my stomach faintly roiled at its presence. My fingers hovered above her arm, as my eyelids quickly slammed shut, trying to ease my senses. She stirred behind me, repositioning herself, and blew out a full breath of warm air from her nose against my back. Memories of the last minutes before my blackout sprang forth like a tight spring- her screams, looks of shock and panic, and finally the image of her above me, looking at me with confusion and worry as I whispered those last words to her.
Those words were true, not some drug induced lunacy. Why did the words have to exist? Unhurriedly, I blinked, sighed deeply, and gathered Bella's arms closer to me. She gave a little moan and curled up against my back. The corners of my mouth twitched into a slight smile. I knew she would wake soon, and we would have to talk. It worried me how she would respond.
I fingered a crease in the curtain absentmindedly, listening to Bella breathe as the warm air rolled down my back. The memory of Golden Girl entering my body raced to my mind, making me fight the urge to inject again. The warm glowing sensation followed by the disconnected feeling would consume all of my thoughts if I didn't stop.
I sucked in sharply; still feeling nauseated, and rolled myself out of my bunk to run to the toilet. My stomach started contracting violently, causing my gag reflex to work overtime. There was absolutely nothing in my stomach. By the time I reached the toilet, I was dry heaving viciously. They came so hard and frequent that it felt as if my head would implode while my body shook and contracted.
After they stopped, I leaned against the toilet to catch my breath. I wiped tears and mucus away from my upper lip, and then got up to wash my hands. It was then I noticed I still had my jeans on from last night, but no shirt, shoes or socks. When I returned to my bunk, I saw Bella staring up at the ceiling before turning her head towards me. Her little hand reached out to help me up. I accepted the offer, climbed in the bunk, and got back under the covers before pulling the curtain closed.
Bella rolled over onto her side, facing me. Once situated under the covers, I stayed on my back with my arm flung over my eyes. I could feel Bella's stare boring a hole into my arm with its heavy and sharp energetic pull. She moved my arm, placing it between us and stared into my eyes. I gulped in air, nervously, as I knew she wanted answers.
We laid in silence for what felt like hours, even though only minutes had passed. Her gaze and our silence hung in the air thickly, but neither of us took the initiative to start talking. My aggravation got the best of me, so I turned to her and saw tears rolling down her face. She wiped them away with the back of her hand before turning to me with a weak smile.
"Hi," she said through her tears.
"Hi," my voice croaked, sounding like a fucking bullfrog.
Bella broke the intense silence, but she hesitated as she gauged my emotions. Before I could say anything, warp speed flashes of the night before hit my brain again- her sitting in front of me with the syringe in her hand trying to inject it, me becoming irritated and jamming it into my arm, blood spurting onto her, her screaming, and me finally saying those damn words. Those fucking words held so much force behind them. Tears formed in my eyes and streamed down my face.
I knew she had lost whatever innocence she had left in that moment. Her life became impure. I had a sullied encroachment on her life.
"Cullen, please look at me," Bella faintly pleaded as she placed her right hand on my face, drawing me to her.
Our faces were only a breath's width apart. She kissed the tears as they fell, and kissed my lips as the salty liquid covered them.
"Cullen, talk to me. There are too many places to start, so I don't know what to say or ask."
I swallowed back the saliva that my mouth overproduced, blinked my eyes, and reached out for her face. Since my polluted life seeped into hers, she wanted answers, and I felt the need to divulge.
"I'm sorry…sorry that I made you help me shoot up. Carlisle put a shutdown on every avenue for me to get smack, and I knew I had started to go into withdrawal. After the show, the insanity…the aches and pains consumed me. Nothing could have taken away any of that but Her," I spoke through strained breaths.
Bella's steady hand raked through my hair as I felt a tear run down my cheek.
"Cullen, I was scared, so damn scared. I thought I had helped partake in killing you. Once I saw the liquid, I knew it was what everyone had been referring to as Golden Girl, but didn't know what it was until I asked your father.
Cullen, my father maybe a cop, but that doesn't mean I know everything about street drugs. I know their general dangers, but nothing of what they look like. Yes, I smoked marijuana in high school, but that's as far as it went; I did it with my friend Jessica. Do you remember the last words you said to me?"
I gulped back air, trying to find the way to explain to her.
"Bella, I like you. Yes, I told you before that I cared for you, but you can care for your boss, your client, or your neighbor. It doesn't necessarily mean you like them. I like you. Not just as a friend, but something more. I just don't know what that something more is."
She pressed her lips to mine as her hand moved from my hair to my neck. Our tongues parted each other's lips, slipping together delicately. Her leg snaked its way over my thigh, pulling it between her legs. Nothing sexual became of our kiss or touch. We each wanted solace. Our kisses were slow, light, nothing heated or passionate.
Bella ended our kiss with a light peck and a stroke of my cheek. Strands of her hair had fallen into her face, covering the right side of it. What little light there was bleeding through the slits in the curtain floated across Bella's hair and made slivers of auburn hues against dark chocolate cascade down her shoulders. When she turned her face up at an angle to look at my rebellious hair, the iris of her right eye caught the light, and a ring of caramel blended with the milk chocolate. In that moment, I was transfixed with longing and enraptured by the beauty that came natural to her.
Noticing my staring, Bella dropped her head and buried it against my shoulder, mumbling indecipherable words. She nuzzled her nose between my skin and the pillow we now shared, causing her hair to make a curtain that blocked my gaze. I had no idea why she started acting so demure, but it made me deeply interested.
"Bella, why are you acting bashful, right now? I'm admiring your beauty and enjoying this feeling that I can't describe. Bella, tell me what's wrong," I softly spoke.
She muttered, once again, words I couldn't make out.
"Bella, lift your face from the pillow. Please," I requested.
I saw her move her face until her left cheek rested alongside my shoulder, still looking down. She brought her hair behind her ear, bit her lower lip, and looked up at me. I tried to keep a neutral face, but my lips turned up in a placated smile. My hands had moved from her face to her hip and back underneath my head. It was then I noticed she was wearing a thin, black tank with white panties with pink lace trimming at the waist. So, I ghosted my hand from the curve of her hip, along her right arm to her shoulder, where I draped my hand behind her as I played with the ends of her hair.
"Cullen, your bold staring doesn't bother me, although I'm not used to men holding their gazes on me. What's vexes me at this moment is I'm still wearing my makeup from last night and my scalp feels like a grease trap at a burger joint. We're too cozy with our morning breath, and I smell the stench of alcohol oozing from our pores. Can we…get another hotel room in Dallas?"
"If that's all that is bothering you, then yes, we'll get another hotel room. I'm sure the others will want to come along."
"Cullen, the others can get their own rooms. I want it like it was in Phoenix, just us," Bella whispered.
Something danced around her eyes; something I couldn't read. However, she erased it before I could ask what it was. She wanted to be alone with me. Desire burned through every nerve ending, firing onto another. My breathing was slow, steady, but heavy.
"Bella, what else do you want besides a shower and clean clothes?" I growled.
Her eyes became dark with a quirked brow as she sucked on the inside of her cheek before speaking.
"What else do you think I'm want?"
"Tell me. I want to hear you say it."
Bella tipped her face to meet mine with a facetious smirk. I felt her finger move down my abdomen, tracing each line of muscle, and then back up to circle around my nipple, making it pert. Suddenly, she became very serious as her lips pursed.
"Cullen, that girl you walked in with last night before the show, the one that walked away after you noticed me, did you fuck her?" she blurted.
I groaned, lowering my head. I blew out a breath and looked back into her eyes.
"She sucked my dick. There was nothing else."
Bella sucked in air through her teeth and set her mouth in a tight line.
"Look, Bella, I told you that I may not be able to keep promises like that. But that was until my admission to you in front of the others, and just now when I reiterated those words to you. I'm not going to be perfect, I'm sometimes not going to be truthful, but I'll try," I gulped back air and continued, "Even after me admitting that, I still want you. Jealousy rears its ugly head whenever I see another man looking at you, or when some guy named Mike texts you. I want you to want no other man, but me.
"Here I am, demanding that you be faithful when I'm not sure I can be. Bella, I swear, I will try…for you. I have no right asking you for any of this with all the ugliness of my life. I drained every ounce of innocence out of you last night. You're tarnished because of me. You should hate me, not yearn for me, or feel any romantic feelings for me."
She shushed me with her finger on my lips and barely shaking her head.
"Cullen, I don't expect you to be perfect. Who is? I…appreciate your honesty. I know you will try your damnedest to be faithful, but if you're not, don't hide it from me. Tell me. And don't flaunt it in front of me, like you did last night. I wanted to beat her ass."
I smirked and started shaking with silent laughter.
"Cullen, don't laugh at me. I didn't laugh when you admitted your jealousy. Anyway…I didn't expect to be sheltered out here. I knew I would be exposed to situations that weren't normal for me. Innocence is something that one should want to hold on to, but it can also be crippling. Life is not innocent, so how is one supposed to go through life and not lose it?"
I leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose; her lashes fluttered at the contact. A contented sigh escaped my lips, making her face scrunch up. I snickered and closed my mouth. Her forehead creased together as if confused, then moved her eyes to look at me.
"Did you say something earlier about a text from Mike?"
"Yeah, he sent you a text yesterday. I was taking a nap in the lounge when your phone started beeping and wouldn't stop, so I got up, followed the sound of the beep, and saw it was your phone. He said he misses you and wants you to call him back…Bella, who's Mike?"
I saw the hesitation and knew I wouldn't like the answer.
"Bella, he's not a boyfriend, is he?" I growled.
"Oh God, no."
"Well then, go on."
"Mike's just a friend. I mean, we…shit. I lost my virginity to Mike back in high school and then through the years, we would have sex on occasion. We were never serious or even friends with benefits; we never had enough sex to qualify for that."
I wanted to know more about their sex for some odd reason.
"Bella, how was the sex with Mike? Do you want fuck him again?"
"Cullen! No! Sex with Mike was lackluster, but it was all I could get back then. I would always have to get myself off afterwards, because he seemed to get off every time before I would. So, I can say he never gave me an orgasm. I had to do that. You're the only other person to give them to me."
She bit her lip, casting her eyes down.
"Why are you being shy? There's nothing in what you said to cause that reaction. It brings a big boost to my ego to be the only other person, besides yourself, to make you come."
"I don't know, but what I do know is that I can't wait to get to that hotel room…Oh my god, what is that smell?" Bella held her nose and pretended to gag.
My body started shaking from laughter as I realized someone was farting next to an air vent and it was circulating through the air ducts.
"Bella, someone's ass is too close to an air vent and they're farting," I said while laughing.
"Eww! It smells like there's a dead animal up there. That's rancid."
Once again, a serious quietness eased over her and clouded her eyes. As if, something quickly had sprung to mind. Her breathing was even, her hear rate felt normal as my fingers lightly pressed against her neck; nothing in her body's reactions gave away if the matter was troubling.
"Cullen, why do you not go by your birth name?" she murmured.
Thoughts spun around in my head. Was I ready to tell her the truth? Do I not tell her yet, and just make a joke about the name? I didn't know exactly what this was between us. I just wasn't ready to tell her the truth about that.
"Bella, can you tell me one cool, famous person with the name Edward?" I smirked.
"Is that why you got upset at me? Because it's not a cool name? Well, let me think, there's Eddie Van Halen, Edward Norton, Edgar Allan Poe, even though it's not Edward. I gotta say though, Edgar is worse than Edward."
Asshole. That's what I was being. I could shoot up in front of her, damage her innocence, fuck her, pull a gun on her, and scream at her, but I couldn't give her that piece of me.
"Edgar is pretty bad, and yes, those other two are awesome, famous people with the name Edward. It's just not for me, though."
"You're right. Somehow, it doesn't fit you. There's something else on my mind. She inhaled and blew out the air. "How often do you shoot up?"
"Every other day, or sometimes I push it a day and a half. I do coke or smoke weed in between."
"Are there ever any days where you're not doing drugs? I mean, at all."
"Sometimes, after like last night, I give myself a break. Or if we've partied really hard."
She nodded her head in understanding as she drew circles around my nipple again. Her fingers circled a few more times before she leaned in and replaced her finger with her tongue. I sucked in air harshly through my teeth and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of her tongue and lips on the sensitive flesh.
Each movement brought forth another wave of her vanilla frosting scent wafting across my nose. As soon as the scent reached my brain, my stomach began dry heaving again. Bella jerked back with a look of confusion on her face. The tightening in my stomach and the heaving of my chest intensified the soreness that my abdominal muscles harbored from the last episode. Her right hand smoothing away my hair while she softly asked what happened.
Several minutes passed before the dry heaves stopped, leaving me choking for air and clutching my abdomen. Sweat dripped down my face, neck, and back, soaking the sheets. Bella left my side to go find something to wipe the sweat off my body. As I waited for my body to stop throbbing and my breathing to even out, I wondered why I was doing this. This situation with Bella was not right, I shouldn't want it, but I did. At the same time, I knew I would still carry on how I was, but with more self control when it came to the whores.
She came back with a wet paper towel, began wiping my face, and worked her way down. After she was done, I climbed down out of the bunk and pulled the covers up over the wet sheets. I threw the pillow down at the other end. Bella walked back carrying another pillow and a blanket.
After we arranged the pillow and the blanket, we climbed back onto the bunk under the dry blanket. We shared the same pillow as we lay on our sides facing each other. Our legs tangled together as our arms touched elbow to elbow with our hands tucked under the side of our faces. While staring into her eyes, the need to disclose some of my sins swelled inside of me.
"Bella, there are sins I would like to confess to you and only you. I trust you would never tell anyone, especially the media." I swallowed hard and continued, "It scares me to unknown depths the trust I feel for you and what I'm feeling for you. Everything in me is screaming at me to run- to run to the nearest whore, to the nearest bottle of alcohol, or to bury my nose in several pounds of blow, but I'm not."
She pulled free a hand to reach over to brush away a stray sprig of hair from my forehead as she brought her lips to mine, chastely kissing me. A sigh I wasn't aware of holding in, left my body in a long, silent breath. A softness around her eyes seemed to urge me to go on when I stared back at her. Her free hand drifted down to my bare arm where it stroked softly up and down, meaning to comfort me.
I skimmed my left hand along the contours of her body before resting it on the crook of her knee, pulling it over my bent leg. We lay hip to hip, with my hand resting on her left hip and her hand moving up and down my naked back. I felt my body relax into the mattress as we both took a collective sigh.
"One night, when Alice and Rose weren't on the road us but Jane was, Emmett, Jasper, Jane, and I went on an alcohol and coke bender. We were stuck in some backwoods town in a shitty motel because our bus had broken down, and the record company couldn't get us a new one until the next day. So, Emmett raided Dad's stash and confiscated about two pounds worth of blow. Jane found some roach motel up the road from the bus and checked us in.
"Once we got in the room, I snatched one of the bundles from Emmett and started cutting up lines with my credit card. Jasper held up a Ziploc bag full of weed and I had some baggies of Persian on me. I knew we would be in for a night of debauchery, I just didn't think what happened would happen.
"Emmett left while I was cutting up lines and came back with a sack full of liquor. I can't recall what there was; there was so much of it. He had Jagermeister, Jack, Bacardi, and Finlandia. By the time Emmett returned, us three had snorted our lines. Jasper and I almost started fighting over Emmett's when he walked in, but his big, burly hands grasped both of our wrists and squeezed. That was enough for us to take our hands back.
"Jane walked over to where Emmett had placed the bag and started pulling out everything in it. My brother had been smart enough to buy those red plastic cups. Sometime after that was when things got a bit blurry. Jasper had asked for a baggie of my Persian while he had started the process of rolling a joint. He wound up lacing the weed with blow and Persian. We all skyrocketed into a drug-induced bliss.
"After a while, Jane began stripping off her clothes and grinding up against us. We were so fucked up that, even if we had wanted to, we couldn't have said no. Jasper stripped down naked, so Emmett and I followed suit. She made quick work of getting on her knees to service our cocks. We stood above her with our cocks hanging over her opened mouth. She sucked each one, grouped together all three and gave a group lick and suck, and then deep throated all of us.
"Jane continued this routine until she saw all of us about to come at once, so she sat still, with her mouth open, and allowed us to jizz all over her face and into her mouth. We started laughing when she started rubbing the shit all over her face, neck, and tits. What was on her fingers and palms, she licked off.
"We took rounds of snorting, smoking and boozing. Jasper and Emmett were always afraid to inject smack or blow; they snorted, smoked, or laced them with weed. I drank the entire bottle of the only Jack we had while we all shared the Jager. Time went on and before I knew it, all of us were in the bed fucking Jane.
"We took turns doing whatever we wanted with her. Jane didn't fucking care. After doing what we wanted, we had group sex. From what I can recall, somehow I wound up underneath her while she rode me as Emmett fucked her up the ass and Jasper had his dick in her mouth. How we all managed to move is beyond me.
"Please do not say anything to the other girls. They would castrate them two and then come after me."
My mind felt lighter, lighter than it had been in forever. I wanted to purge more. Bella remained quiet. Worry shot through me.
"Bella, are you okay? Please say something."
Her wide eyes blinked. She swallowed hard as if her throat was dry and nodded.
"Please continue. I know you have more to tell me. Confide in me whatever you want," she hoarsely whispered.
I blinked in astonishment. I thought she wouldn't want me to go on, but I felt relieved that she wanted me to.
"One night in Charlotte, North Carolina, before our show, a young girl approached me outside the side door to the club we played at. She looked cute with big green eyes, lightly freckled nose, full lips and had honey blonde hair draped over her shoulders. She wore some frilly dress with black heels.
"Her advancement seemed bold, but I knew she was green by her lip biting, her shifty eyes, and her wringing her wrists. Before she made eye contact with me, I saw her hand reach into her purse and pull out her driver's license. She was barely eighteen and she stood beside her car. I looked over her shoulder and saw on the back window that she had graduated that day from high school, and not just any high school, but a Catholic High School.
"Her name Ekaterina but preferred Kate, she told me. Kate became my pet for the night. I threw my arm around her shoulder, pulled her to me, and walked to the bus, where she went from being timid to guzzling down beers and doing lines within a short time span. She didn't want to appear inexperienced, but it showed when she drank her first beer with a scrunched up face, that she quickly covered. After she did her first two lines of coke, her face contorted as it tried to get used to having something up her nose and in her sinus cavity.
"After the first try, she never looked backed. It looked like a locomotive going full speed ahead without a break. She was being careless, and I knew she was, as did everyone else. But we didn't care. The only one who seemed to have a problem was Jake, who was his grinding his teeth and tensing his jaw. He never said anything.
"The night wore on and we drank, snorted, and wound up fondling each other in the bathroom on the bus, where I made her silently come. Kate stood beside the stage as we performed, half-assed, and came back to the hotel with me. By that time, we were beyond fucked up. I'm surprised I can recall that night in such detail.
"When I finally got us in my room, we crashed against the walls, the furniture, and finally the floor. We yanked, pulled, and tore off our clothes, frantically trying to get naked. Finally, after several fucking minutes, I stripped the last piece of Kate's clothing. It was odd that it took so long, because she only wore a frilly dress, no bra, black thong, and those heels.
"Lights from outside the window lit the room and gave me the grand picture of her body. I scanned slowly down, admired the small, pert tits, toned stomach, slight curve of her hips, and then…she had a full bush. The gallons of beer that I had ingested started gurgling up my esophagus. I knew there would be no way I could fuck that.
"But we were both naked, so the first thought was to pay attention to her tits, which she enjoyed at first, but then she started pulling my hand lower down. I had to stop before it escalated, so I kissed her lips, stood up, and held out my hand to pull her up. Kate complied and followed me over to the table against the wall.
"I rummaged around in one of my bags until I found some China White and told her it was cocaine. Snorting the five lines of cut smack, she filled her nose with pure heroin. A few minutes later, she sprinted to the bathroom and puked her guts out. I helped her clean up and helped her back to the bedroom. After she recovered, Kate looked at me with a smirk. I quirked my right brow and nodded towards the direction of the balcony.
"She went on ahead out there while I found my handcuffs. The metal on the cuffs glinted in the light from across the parking lot, and it caught her eye. I commanded her to sit against the metal railing with her hands above her head. Kate obeyed beautifully. Then I told her to get on her knees and she did, so I pulled out the other pair of cuffs and shackled her ankles to the bottom of the railing.
"Her reaction time was altered, so it took her a few minutes to realize how I positioned her. My dick had hardened to the point of excruciating pain. I tapped the head against her lips and she upturned her face to meet mine with wide eyes. I didn't want her to worry or panic, so I grazed her cheek with my palm and thumb while I shushed her.
"She sank against my hand and licked her lips. I asked if she would suck my dick and she nodded. Her mouth moved towards my dick. I helped by pressing it against her lips again, and she took me slowly in. Her lips slid painfully slowly and that was all she did. There weren't any licks, soft bites, or a faster pace. It drove me crazy.
"In my impatience, I grabbed the both sides of her head, held it firmly and started fucking her mouth. I started out slow, so she could feel I had taken over, and quickly picked up my speed. For some reason, Kate started humming against me. It made the pleasure more exquisite. I wanted more- more speed, more vibration, and more pleasure. Before too long, I was ramming my cock against the back of her throat and crashing my hips against her face.
"After I shot my load down her throat, which she surprisingly swallowed, I felt something warm run over my dick. I looked down and saw her nose bleeding.
"I yanked my dick out of her mouth, ran to the bathroom to get a wet towel, and ran back out to her, where I found her passed out. Her head lolled to one side. . Carefully, I leaned her head back to wipe the blood away. It took several minutes for the bleeding to subside, but still Kate remained unconscious. I tapped the side of her face many times, but nothing happened.
"Her skin still felt warm and she had a pulse on the inside of her wrist. Relief raced through me, as I sat my ass on the concrete balcony. She breathed normally and I started thinking about why her nose had bled. I concluded that the force of the pounding had broken blood vessels and capillaries in her nose and sinus cavity.
"After sitting for a few minutes, I walked back in to get dressed and to get the handcuff keys. Once I did that, I picked up her clothes to dress her. That had proven to be difficult, but I had managed. When I picked Kate up, she hung in my arms like a broken doll. My insides clenched like a vise.
"The girl was breathing and had a pulse, that's all I cared about. I called for a taxi and ten minutes later one pulled up outside. I gave the driver her address from her driver's license and he drove off with her. After I went back to my room, I shot up ten cc's of Golden Girl and passed out.
"Later the next day, I got an email on my Facebook from her saying she had a great night, and to look her up when we were in Charlotte again. I haven't heard from her since then and that was two years ago."
Bella made no noise beside me as her hand dug into my arm. I gulped back air, feeling my stomach tie in knots.
"Bella, talk to me. Please," I pleaded as I rested my forehead against hers.
Seconds ticked into minutes and the minutes ticked into several more minutes. It felt like a lifetime had passed when she finally spoke.
"Cullen, I'm not going to judge you. I'm a little shocked, but I know you need this, so please continue," she whispered.
I stared back astounded. Different variations of what I wanted to tell her next skipped around in my brain. I tossed back and forth between telling her all the details and just giving her the general information of what happened. My toxins had already poisoned her. Did I need to add more?
As I thought of how to explain the next situation, my fingers twined Bella's hair around my fingers, then let it fall, and twined it back around. I did this several times before she caught my hand and brought it to her lips. She grazed an innocent kiss across my knuckles before resting my hand against her chest.
"Cullen, you don't need to hesitate. I can see it's tormenting you to tell me more. I'm not going to break. I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you," she urged softly.
"Bella, I'm thinking about how much of the next story I want to tell you. It involves my father; that's why I'm stalling."
Her eyes widened at the admission of my father being involved. I knew she thought he would never do anything behind Esme's back, but it had been one time. He never did anything since then.
"It was this time last year in LA, and we had gotten into town a day early. Carlisle had booked us in an expensive hotel that I can no longer recall. Aro had been in town, so we had all the drugs we could ask for. During the evening, my dad and I met these two women. They looked like sisters. We all went back to Carlisle's room…and when they left the next morning, they told us they were mother and daughter. My father and I took turns with them and then it turned into a group thing."
Bella blinked her eyes, slowly shook her head, and chewed on her bottom lip. She was digesting everything I had laid on her. I saw several emotions play across her features. Sadness, confusion, and then understanding phased in one smooth motion. When her face had settled on understanding, her fingers left my hand that was clutched to her chest and stroked my cheek. My eyes closed in resolve as I felt her lips brush like a feather across my eyelids.
I heard her expel a soft sigh and felt the warm air blow across my face, which smelled a bit sour. I opened my eyes and saw her looking at me.
"Cullen, I can't believe Carlisle did that to Esme, no matter the circumstance. Did he ever tell her?"
I shook my head. "No. He hasn't."
"I see. Well, I'm not going to say anything. It's not my place, but I do think the guys need to be honest with Alice, Rose, and Esme."
"Don't you think it would do more harm than good, at this point in time? Both of those incidents happened a long time ago. It's better to leave it as water under the bridge. They know they made a mistake, and they haven't repeated it."
"I suppose you're right."
Bella wrapped her arm around my back and pulled me into her. I rested against her chest, listening to her breathe. No other words were spoken. We lay spooned together, comforted by the warmth our skin emitted. Her fingers delicately brushed along my back as I placed kisses across her chest and up her neck. The nausea had eased away during the time of our conversation, which now allowed me to bury myself in her neck.
Small gasps blew across my back as my left hand found her breast, giving a light squeeze as my thumb rolled over her taut nipple. I left a trail of kisses on her neck, over her chin, then on her lips. My tongue parted her mouth and was welcomed with a caress from hers. We both moaned at the contact.
While our tongues and mouths danced harmoniously, our hands traveled lower. Her right hand moved down my back, into the waistband of my jeans, and around to the front, groping and stroking my cock. Mine had moved from her breast, back down to the slight swell of her hip, and hitched her leg higher onto my hip. I moved underneath her panties and palmed her little cheek with my hand.
I massaged the one cheek in time with her groping my cock. Our tongues and mouths devoured one another as our bodies writhed against each other, creating wonderful friction. I slipped my middle finger away from the fleshy rump, ran it down the length of her slit, parting her to slip my finger inside of her.
She moaned deep in her throat, never breaking our kiss. Our tangled bodies wriggled harder; her hand stroked my cock faster and my fingers pumped harder into her pussy. Harsh, hard breathes blew across our faces from our noses, making the only sound throughout the bus.
As our hips rock back and forth, Bella broke from our kiss, gasping for air. My mouth instantly locked onto her neck and started sucking. She panted, moaned, and whimpered as her fingernails dug into my back. I growled into her neck. I couldn't wait until Dallas.
Bella brought her mouth to my ear, breathing heavily.
"Cullen, I can't wait for Dallas and the hotel. Take me now. Please."
I didn't make her wait. We discarded what little stitches of clothing we had on, and I rolled on top of her.
My mouth covered her nipple; my teeth rolled the pinkness around as my tongue lapped. Her hips bucked against mine. We both were tired of stalling. I entered her and her legs wrapped around my waist. As the bus rolled down the interstate towards Dallas, Bella and I pleasured each other in the small confines of my bunk.