A/N: I quickly wrote this chapter this week w/ in a day's time. I don't know when that will happen again, but I will try and update more often.

Thank you to my betas adt216 and lambcullen.

Chapter 14

"Take me into your arms and sing me your beautiful song,

Hold me until we're one and sing me your beautiful song."

-'Love's Requiem', HIM

B.

The water shut off and the sound of the shower curtain pulling to the side resounded through the room. Butterflies tickled my insides. My pelvic muscles clenched in excitement, nervousness. There was nothing to be nervous about; it's not as if we haven't fucked before, but there was something primal about his parting words that stirred up fear of what he was about to do to my body, inflaming my libido.

The door opened with clouds of steam rolling up towards the ceiling. Flopping noises from the bathroom piqued me, making me raise up on my elbows. Cullen walked out with a towel wrapped low around his hips and towel drying his hair. When he was done, he threw the towel on the floor in the bathroom and flipped the light off.

His eyes journeyed from my face, down to my tits, the flat plane of my stomach, and then to my pussy. His eyelids closed halfway as he groaned. The white towel tented outwards; I knew it was his erection. My eyes moved to several droplets of water traveling down his shoulder and chest. His body was damp. I longed to run my tongue along the grooves of his abdomen, tasting his fresh, clean, damp skin.

Somehow, he sensed my yearning. The white towel dropped from his hips, revealing a perfectly erect, long, and thick cock. He kept himself neatly groomed, unlike Mike, whose pubes looked like a nineteen seventies porno mustache. I squeezed my eyes, trying to disconnect from the mental picture and concentrate on the perfection that was before me.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Cullen's eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed tight. I inwardly chastised myself. He thought I was displeased with him.

"Cullen, come here. My reaction had nothing to do with you. In fact, I had been internally admiring your personal grooming."

I got up into a sitting position so I could easily get off the bed and walk over to him, but his look stopped me from swinging my legs off the bed and planting my feet onto the carpet. His upper lip slightly snarled.

"Do not move from that bed," he growled.

I did not move or breathe, for that matter. As he walked over to his suitcase, his muscles glided under his skin and along his bones. He flipped the top of it up and reached into the mesh pouch for something. I could not see what it was as his back and ass were in my line of vision.

Whatever it was, he held it with a clenched fist as his other hand lowered the suitcase lid. I had scooted up against the headboard, leaning back, with my legs spread apart as my hands rested at my side. Cullen walked around to the other side of the bed, planted his left knee and hands on the covers, and scooted up until he sat beside me, his hand still closed around the mysterious item.

"What do you have in your hand?" I softly asked, quirking an eyebrow.

He uncurled his hand, showing me a mini pocket mirror, a plastic card, a baggie of white powder and cut piece of a straw. Cocaine. I had grown familiar with its appearance, but where had he gotten it?

"Where did you get that? I don't recall anything but the heroin coming out of Carlisle's safe."

"It's not from my father's safe. I've got shit stashed in various places, except Golden Girl." His voice trailed off after saying her name.

He shrugged his shoulders and began placing the items on the white comforter. The mirror, the card, the cut straw, and the baggie of coke lay out before me. The sex the other day had been after doing coke, but it was hours after, not immediately after. The high would be fresh and we would be riding it during sex.

I watched in fascination as the powder was poured out onto the glass of the mirror and then chopped into six lines. Cullen picked up the piece of plastic straw, leaned forward, and snorted four of the lines, leaving the other two for me. I held the straw with a trembling hand. He was snorting the remnants into his nose and wiping his nostrils free of residue. The drug took effect a minute or so later. His eyes glazed over and a wide, crooked smile eased its way on his face.

"Pretty girl, what are you waiting for? I promise, a fresh high while having sex will be the best feeling you'll ever have," he quickly rattled out, while somehow making his words sound sexual.

I looked away from his stare, not really focusing on anything. The straw still shook in my hand, which had become slightly more noticeable. I saw from the corner of my eye that he had raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to answer. Quietly, I smoothed out a crease in the comforter, placed my shaking hand onto my bent knee, bit my bottom lip, and looked over at him.

"I'm just skeptical. Yes, the other day, the coke made me feel 'happy', but I don't feel a need to do it. I don't need anything to heighten a sexual experience. Just being with you is enough," I said, softly.

Cullen leaned over and kissed my lips, lingering a bit before swiping his tongue along the line of my bottom lip. I smelled his skin and hair, fresh soap and man. His fingers grazed over my collarbone, up the line of my neck, and finally resting in my hair as his thumb caressed on my cheek. The palm of his hand tilted the back of my head upwards so I looked directly into his eyes.

They burned with lust, sex, and the power to want to possess. I felt his breath warm on my face, smelling of mint. My gaze fixed onto his eyes, but they searched my face. Finally, he came back to my stare. He held me there, frozen in place. I felt his other hand roam up my leg, faintly touch my lower lips, and rest on my hip, his fingers digging into the curve.

Cullen lowered his mouth and nose to my jawbone and ran his nose along the line and curve. He rested his lips against my ear, placing a light, chaste kiss. I shuddered in response. I pulled back enough to where my lips were a fraction away from his. Lightly pressing, I felt him give way to the kiss. The weight deepened it, making us moan into one another.

His fingers massaged into the skin on my hip. His grip in my hair pulled it taut. I moved one hand from the comforter to his rigid, colossal hard on, firmly gripping before massaging the head and the shaft. Swiftly, he tore himself from the lip lock, hovering half an inch from my mouth, panting. He closed his eyes, bit his lower lip and gave a wickedly, lustful grin.

He hastily regained control of the situation by crashing his mouth back onto mine, encircling both arms around my waist, and pressing me hard against him. We both breathed raggedly, harsh breaths filling the room. Both hands moved from my waist and rushed to underneath my hair, pulling it off my back.

The grip he had yanked my mouth from his; my ribs heaved from being breathless. He gathered my hair into one clutch as the other hand moved down to collect the mirror with the blow on it. The straw had fallen from my hand and rolled against my leg. My hand still clung to his hard cock, but I removed it so I could hold the mirror that he handed me.

I sat slowly back down, trying not to spill the white powder onto the bed. Cullen offered the straw again and I took it. With the mirror in one hand and the straw in the other, I lowered my face closer to the glass, sticking the straw up one nostril. He moved behind me, sliding his legs alongside mine, pressing his cock into my back, reaching his hands around to grope my tits and roll my nipples.

Everything was feeling exquisite. I moaned in the back of my throat and pressed my ass harder against his cock. This time I didn't hesitate. I easily snorted my two lines, handing him the straw and the mirror once I was done.

A moment later, a rush of heat and energy tore all throughout my body. The rush gave away to a pulsating energy, an urge to move. Sexual desire inflamed every nerve ending. My hands wanted to touch him everywhere and for him to touch me everywhere.

Sensing my violent need, Cullen applied more pressure as he pinched my nipples, igniting a shockwave of desire more intense than what was running between us. I bucked hard against him, screaming out. I wanted hard, rough, fast sex. I wanted him to fuck me from behind, so I launched myself onto the bed with my ass high in the air. There was no need for further foreplay. I was ready and didn't want to wait any longer.

He loudly gasped at the instant invitation before lunging for my ass. His cock roughly impaled my opening, slamming my ass against his hips. He eased out halfway and slammed into me once more, both times eliciting a primal scream from my mouth, causing me to rear back.

Once he stayed inside me, he quickly found a swift, hard rhythm. A frantic energy buzzed through me as it tried to find a way to escape. The coke made me feel the swell and tightening of my walls more intensely, making me crave harder and faster pounding. I ordered Cullen to do so and he obliged. Our skin slapped together loudly, echoing throughout the room, competing with our screams and moans.

A million feelings coursed everywhere along my nerves, up my spine, and meeting in my pelvic area, wanting to erupt like a volcano. The intensity was becoming too much. I screamed, clawed the covers, and slapped the bed. He kept up the rhythm and speed. Several orgasms ripped through me, sending white light into my eyes.

My body shook violently, but Cullen didn't stop. He was like a battering ram. Wave after wave of orgasms ripped continuously with the coke enhancing each feeling. We both had the energy to run a marathon, even with me having endless orgasms.

He sat back on the bed, holding onto me by my waist, never slipping out of me. After he leaned against the headboard, he placed his hands on my hips and moved them back and forth until I became conscious enough to start moving on my own. My back was towards him as I rode him in reverse.

The head of his cock rubbed against that spot that made my vision flood with searing white light, caused me to moan and scream loudly, and for my body to buck and jerk around. He saw I had problems controlling the swivel and rock of my hips, so he gripped the sides and helped guide me as he moved underneath me.

We each grinded hard on one another and sped our movements. His hips were bouncing off the bed, lifting me in the air, and he held me firmly by my waist. I felt him tighten inside and one of his hands tightly gathered a wad of covers. As one last orgasm quaked through me, a warm sensation filled me, mixing with mine.

Cullen and I flopped onto the bed, him on his back and me next to him. Aftershocks rippled throughout my body, making me whimper. Our breathing was ragged. Sweat dripped and rolled everywhere, causing hairs to prickle in the cold air from the air unit. I shivered severely, knowing the coke heightened the coldness.

Somehow, he rolled off the bed to fetch the towel he had dropped on the floor. He moved towards me with the towel covering his hands. The soft fibers felt like silk and velvet, and sounded as if they were whispering words I couldn't understand with each pull on my skin. My body was languid, but my mind and senses were alive. The sudden urge to laugh ran through my mind.

The urge to laugh gained strength, though I wasn't aware as to why until I looked down and saw him drying off my feet. Nothing would override the tickling sensation, and I couldn't quite verbalize to him a way to make it stop. If I could, I would have told him to grip firmer or to slap my feet, which overrides the sensation. However, those words wouldn't form; therefore, my laughing fit was a result.

Everything struck me funny- the twitch in the corner of his mouth, the way my tits jiggled around while laughing. Soon, Cullen gave in to my laughing fit and joined in at laughing at everything. We laid in bed, sprawled out, fingertips and toes touching, just laughing. We would look over at each other and start laughing.

Finally, the laughing came to an end, and I wanted to just touch him, spoon with him, kiss him. He must have felt the same way because he rolled over and scooped me into his arms, nestling me into the curve of his body and the nook under his chin.

I sighed contentedly. My body felt heavy, like it wanted to succumb to sleep, but my mind was in overdrive. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand and saw it was only two-thirty in the afternoon. I knew Alice would be around soon, wanting to go grocery shopping. Cullen smoothly stroked his fingertips down the length of my body, starting at my ear and ending behind my knee and then starting the route over.

Our breathing had evened out but I felt my pulse hammering in my ears, thundering like the hooves of horses on solid ground. Everything else around us was peaceful. If my mind and heart would slow down, I would have welcomed sleep. As his fingers slid over my skin, I absentmindedly drew geometric shapes on his arm that had me pinned against him. In the midst of my racing thoughts, one lingered in the shadows. How long would the easiness we had right now last?

I didn't have long to ponder that thought, though it didn't vanish but merely crept back into the shadows. There was a tiny knock on the door. I knew it was Alice. Cullen groaned in my ear before kissing my bare shoulder and rolling off the bed to grab a pair of black pants, a white Hard Rock Café tee, and black and white Chucks. I waited until he closed and locked the bathroom door before scuttling off the bed, wrapping a towel around me.

Alice looked at me with wide gray eyes, taking in my lack of clothing. I moved aside so she could come in. She walked straight to the bed and sat on the edge of, not bothering to notice its disheveled state.

"Bella, I was hoping you would be ready to go by now. I hope Cullen is getting dressed."

"He's in the bathroom now. How far is the grocery store from here?" I asked as I walked over to the Charlotte Russe bag, grabbing out the shell pink Victoria's Secret bra and panties.

"I looked online and saw there's one five minutes from here called Urban Market. You two need to hurry. Carlisle has a taxi downstairs waiting," she ordered.

I slipped on the shell pink seamless panty after putting on the matching bra. I had no idea what was in the Russe bag but Alice snatched the bag and quickly pulled out a pale pink, lace trimmed, V-neck cami, cut off denim shorts with little studs lining the curve of the pockets and frayed edges, and dark denim, split toe wedge sandals.

Cullen walked out the bathroom just as she lined up the articles of clothing. The pants and t-shirt hung loosely on his body frame, almost swallowing him. I gasped at the sight, which made Alice look up from trying to accessorize the little outfit. Her eyes widened, her mouth slightly gaping. Apparently, she recognized the clothes, and I knew that they didn't always hang that loose on him. I wondered how much weight he had lost.

He walked over to his suitcase, not noticing us staring, and pulled out a black, wooden bead bracelet, slipping it on his wrist. Alice looked over at me with her eyes full of concern and minutely shook her head. I grimaced and walked over to her. I pulled the cami over my head and smoothed it down into place. Alice handed the cutoffs and I stepped into them, quickly pulling them up. She plopped the shoes on the floor. I slipped them on and grabbed the little hand bag I used as a purse.

"You look beautiful."

I looked up and saw him admiring me. We both were still high. I saw his fingers tapping rapidly against the leg of his pants. My heart was racing in chest, and I fought the urge to fidget. Alice darted her eyes from me over to him several times. When she realized the truth, she turned to face him with fists sitting on her waif hips.

"Cullen, what are the both of you high on?" she asked, trying to conceal her anger.

"I believe the answer would be coke, Pixie," he said tauntingly.

Confusion marred her face as she tried to figure out where he got it.

"Ali, don't hurt your brain. I have shit stashed in various places with Golden Girl being the exception. Dad has that locked up."

She threw up hands in the air in defeat. She knew there was no point in arguing.

"Come on. The taxi's waiting. Cullen, please don't embarrass me while we're shopping. That's all I ask," she pleaded.

"Don't worry. I'll keep him in line," I said as I tried to ease her worries.

"Bella, you're high, too."

"I only did two lines. He did four."

Alice cringed and balled her fists tighter.

"I'm not going to argue."

I felt like shit, which dampened my high. That was a good thing. I walked past her, took Cullen's hand, and walked to the door, leaving it open for Alice.

The shopping trip was uneventful and quiet. Alice didn't go all out; Cullen being with us subdued her spending. Helper meals, canned tuna and chicken, pasta meals, rice meals, junk food, sandwich meat, bread, fruit, bacon, eggs, milk, cereal, and pancake mix was the food content for the bus. Several cases of beer and soda were added in, too.

I stood by the taxi, watching as Cullen loaded the groceries onto the bus and Alice put them away. They made a great team, and ten minutes later, we headed back to the hotel. Carlisle texted to say we had two hours before the band was needed at the club for sound check.

After the taxi rode off, Alice marched her way back into the hotel, leaving Cullen and me outside in front the main entrance. He nodded to a cluster of trees across the street.

"Let's go and lay under the shade of the trees."

I smiled up at him as he pulled my hand.

The heat was still stifling, but somewhat endurable. Once we got under the shade, it went from not being able to breathe to only a minimal pressure on your chest. I was sweating despite the tiny fabrics of clothing I wore. He was sweating also; neither of us complained, though.

He sat down on the lush grass and looked up at me. I slowly made my way down, placing my hands out to the side for balance. He grasped my wrist to help steady me. If I was to fall on my face, now would be the time, but nothing happened. The grass of cool on my skin as I lay back, looking up into the tops of the trees. Cullen held my hand now as he was lying on his back.

A breeze that I'm sure would have been cool if not for the sultry heat, blew across our skin, ruffling my hair. We laid in silence for a while, only holding hands, and not looking at each other. He broke the quietness.

"Isn't this nice? Us getting away from the chaos and bullshit, even though we're still surrounded by the downtown Dallas traffic," he calmly said.

I turned my head to look at his profile. His eyes were closed, his breathing was even, and he looked peaceful. Wanting to look at him more, I rolled over onto my side, curling my arms under my head for support.

"Are you ever at peace?" I asked.

He breathed in deeply and exhaled.

"Not really. Even when I'm mentally numb, there's a war in my head."

I looked down at the blades of grass and thought of my own issues with my father that I've only in the past few months realized I had. Why did he shelter me my whole life? Why didn't he let me figure things out for myself? Why my mother was never mentioned? Why were there no pictures of her?

The rest of our time spent among the trees was in silence, grazes of fingers and arms were our only forms of communication. There was only a slight tingle along my nerves, telling me the coke still had a small hold over me. I looked over at Cullen moments before we had to leave and found him napping. I wondered if he was at peace in his sleep.

The Dallas show was one of their best I've seen so far. Carlisle was elated as was the band and crew. Alice seemed to have moved on from earlier that afternoon. She stood by me before and during the show. Girls noticed Cullen gripping me firmly at the waist, which led to ugly sneers and several stink eyes. I noticed a lot of pointing and whispering and a few "who is she?" or "where did he find her?"

Before the show and afterwards, his phone kept chiming with texts and he would turn his back and send a quick reply. Alice whispered not to worry about them. I couldn't help but doing so. The rest of the band and crew wanted to stay behind, but I was tired. Alice said she was too and would accompany me back to the hotel. Cullen told me he wouldn't be too much longer, but I knew better, so I didn't hold him to his word. We kissed the boys goodbye and set out to catch a taxi.

While we waited outside for the taxi to arrive, Alice rattled on about all the whores that had showed up. I nodded in the right places and replied with "uh huh's" when needed, but I really wasn't listening. Two people at the other end of the parking lot caught my attention. Loud moans and grunts echoed through the hot, night air. Alice stopped in mid rant and looked around my shoulder.

"Oh my god! That guy is getting a blow job," she hoarsely whispered.

She went back to her ranting, but my attention was on the two people in the parking lot. I watched and studied them. The guy had his arms out stretched on the side of a car with his head resting on the roof of it. The other person was on the ground on their knees, bobbing their head up and down. Their head sped up, making the guy raise his head. When he did, I saw it was Jake. My eyes widened in shock. A few seconds later, I realized the person on the ground blowing him was John. It hit my like a freight train. Jake was gay. Gay people didn't bother me. It just shocked me to find out he was.

Embry came out the front door and walked over to Alice and me.

"Have you girls seen Jake or Paul?"

"Paul?" I asked.

"Yes, John. His name is John Paul. Bella, I'm surprised you didn't recognize him."

Fuck! I hadn't remembered Paul. It had been years since I had seen any of the guys from the reservation.

"Em, it's been a long time since I've seen any of you, and I haven't seen either one of them."

Alice said she hadn't either and went back to ranting after Embry left. I looked back over to the parking lot and found it empty. I knew Jake's reason for keeping it a secret. He was right; they would be pissed at him for keeping it a secret. They wouldn't care about him being gay. The anger would come from the lying.

Our taxi finally came and took us back to the hotel. We parted ways once we got off the elevator. I was alone in the hotel room. It felt amazing to be by myself for a change. I missed it. This also gave me time to scour Cullen's belongings for more stashed drugs. After slipping the wedges off and taking off the shorts and bra, I walked over to his suitcase and opened the top. I rummaged through every suitcase pocket, clothes pocket, and container. I found two other baggies of coke. I flushed the powder down the toilet and wound up going down to the lobby to throw the plastic bags away. I hoped he had forgotten about those, as I was sure he had others stashed elsewhere.

Once I was back in the room, I pulled the covers back and slid underneath. The remote laid on the nightstand so I reached over for it. Turning on the television, I switched to HBO and saw an old episode of True Blood. I was asleep before it ended.

I woke up, thinking I had been sleeping for hours but saw it had only been two. The clock on the nightstand read three in the morning, and Cullen still wasn't here yet. I knew he would be at the club longer than he said he was. I turned the lamp off, rolled over and went back to sleep.

When I awoke again, muted, gray light covered the room. It was early morning. I stretched my arm out over the cold and empty bed. Rolling over, I saw the clock read six A.M. and a sliver a light sliced low on the opposing wall. I got up and walked over to the bathroom.

The door was closed, so I slowly turned the knob and walked in. Nothing was out of order on the counter, but the shower curtain was closed. Part of me was scared to find what was behind the vinyl curtain. I gripped the end of it with my left hand, closed my eyes in hesitation, and flung it open. Upon opening my eyes, I saw Cullen passed out in the tub with two bottles of Heineken tucked into his side. Soft snores filled the air in the bathroom. He looked at peace. He was already going to have a kink in his neck and back, but he needed to get in bed.

I shook his arm several times before he cracked open an eyelid. He didn't say anything to me as he fumbled to get up. He took my hand and used the shower wall to prop up on as he got his footing. When he tried stepping out of the tub, we both fell to the floor. He caught his landing by stretching out his hand. I landed with a loud thud as my head hit the side of the tub.

I winced in pain, rubbing the spot on my head where it hurt. He was stiff, as I knew he would be, as he tried getting up to help me.

"I got it. I need to be helping you since I'm sure you're stiff."

"I'm fine. I just want to get into bed," he mumbled.

We both shuffled to the bed. He would get a few hours of sleep in the bed. We would have to be in Houston by five, and the drive was a little over four hours. I took off his shoes and pants, placed his legs under the covers, and moved them up to his chest. He had already passed back out.

I rounded up clothes from my suitcase-light, gray yoga pants, slate blue spaghetti tank, and white flip flops- and went to take a shower. After I was dressed, I heard my Blackberry vibrating and saw I had a text from Alice asking if I wanted to go to breakfast at the hotel's restaurant. I sent a quick reply of "yes," and I kissed Cullen on his forehead and walked out the room.

As I rode down on the elevator, I couldn't help but feel heaviness in my gut and chest. The feeling gave a sense of foreshadowing, and from what I was feeling, I knew I wouldn't like what would happen. The elevator dinged, signaling it had reached its destination. Alice's beaming face greeted me as I stepped off, and I stuffed the impending darkness back into the dark corners of my mind. I had to enjoy what I could while I still had the chance.

Alice and I both ordered French toast, eggs, bacon, and coffee. While we waited on our food, we drifted from one mindless topic to the other. She did mention that Jasper didn't get back to their room until four-thirty in the morning. Apparently, she had been irate. I asked if Cullen had been with him, and she said they had come back up together. I told her I found him passed out in the bathtub with the curtain pulled to the side. That elicited a snorting laugh. I didn't find it funny.

We ate our food in comfortable silence until Carlisle saw us. He sat down and ordered coffee and scrambled eggs with toast. He told Alice and I that he was happy to have both us on the road and that he was more than thrilled with my job performance. He had me scheduled for a few hours in Houston and I welcomed the distraction. I needed to get Carlisle in private so I could have a discussion with him about giving me more hours.

His food arrived as we finished ours. We sat and talked for a few more minutes until his phone rang. It was Esme. Alice and I left money to cover our food, but Carlisle forced us to take it back. He would pay for breakfast.

By the time we reached the eighth floor, it was only a quarter to eight. Alice said he had to get Jasper up and showered, that it would take an hour just to wake him up. I knew I was facing the same issue.

When I made my way inside the room, I noticed the bed was empty and the bathroom door was open with the light on. However, when I looked in, the bathroom was empty, so I walked around the corner and found Cullen drying off. Once he heard me in the room, he dropped the towel, sprinted over to me, and scooped me up. We landed on the bed and before I could ask what was going on, I was naked under him with my legs spread apart. He was buried deep within me, quickly giving me my first orgasm of the morning. We had sex multiple times until thirty minutes before we left for the bus and for Houston. Emmett later asked, in front of everyone, why I was walking funny. He was answered by Cullen's fist to his face. Alice and I high fived each other as Jasper, Carlisle and the others laughed.