A/N: I want to explain my absence. From July and into August, I had major writer's block, even though I had the chapter outlined. From August until now, I took a vacation from the Twilight world. There was too much drama and it was affecting my writing. Over this time period, I did work on the chapter, as you can see.
Another thing I want to bring up. I'm still undecided if I want to keep updating on here. I have HL on Twilighted, Writer's Coffee Shop and on my blogger account. The good thing about having it on my blogger acct. is if for some reason there's a delay in updates, I can easily post something there. So I hope many of you will join the blogger acct. I have listed in my profile on here. I have an email alert widget on the blogger, too. All the links are in my profile.
With my blogger, I have a main blogger, where the alert widget is at, that I post when I update the story. There's no alert widge on HL's actual part of the blog, so you have to use my main blog as I will in the future be posting my other stories.
Many thanks to my beta, adt216 for helping me with this chapter.
Chapter 17
"Oh I see your scars I know where they're from
So sensually carved and bleeding until you're dead and gone
I've seen it all before beauty and splendor torn
It's when heaven turns to black and hell to white
Right so wrong and wrong so right"-Beyond Redemption, HIM
B.
Since Atlanta wasn't far from Columbus, the bus left an hour or two before sunrise. Insomnia had crept in and left me staring up at the black ceiling of the bunk with Cullen's body thrown across mine. As he snored and drooled, my thoughts and gut-twisting sense of doom feeling invaded me. Something was coming and it would change everything. I tried to settle my thoughts onto the plans for today, before the celebrations started.
Alice had planned everything-ritzy hotel, high-end spa, and a strip club that served dinner. The hotel was the St. Regis, the spa was the actual Aveda Institute in Atlanta, and the strip club/dinner was a place called Cheetah Lounge. That was another entity that I had never been exposed to- a strip club.
I had no qualms about going to one; I worried about my inadequacies. My breasts weren't big. My ass was hardly noticeable and my face was ordinary with its commonplace brown eyes. Irritation prickled my nerves; an irksome sigh blew forth and I shoved Cullen's listless body away from mine.
While I slowly crawled over his body, trying to get one leg over the edge of the bunk, I felt cold air meet my ass. The little pink shorts I was wearing had ridden up, revealing my small, lily-white, soft, squishy bottom. Another reason why I hated my ass-every time Cullen fucked me from behind, I felt it jiggle. Even though my thighs were small and a bit coltish, they resembled their upper component.
Finally getting both legs and my bottom half out of the bunk, I landed in the hallway with a soft thud. All the curtains were closed while soft snores filtered from several of the bunks. I quickly became oriented as the aroma of brewing coffee wafted down from the lounge. It was the last thing I needed, but the smell was comforting.
Esme was sitting on the couch reading a book and eating a bagel with cream cheese spread when I entered the lounge. Her legs were loosely pulled into her body as the plate rested on her bare thigh. A royal purple robe donned her femininely toned body, the collar parting slightly to reveal skin as creamy and white as her thighs. She had her brown hair (the color of baked cookies) pulled into a sloppy ponytail, and her face was calm as she chewed the bit of bagel on the side of her mouth.
The coffee was doing its last bit of percolating, so I pulled my eyes off of Esme and onto the steamy glass pot. My fatigued brain mindlessly slipped into staring at the condensation that bubbled on the side of the coffee pot and ran down. I was tired; I felt it, but my body wouldn't let me slumber. It only served to increase my irritation that I was too drained to express.
It also heightened the deep stabbing, gut twisting, nerve-gnawing doom. Bile softly pushed up towards my throat. Closing my eyes did nothing to settle the uncomfortable feeling.
"Bella?" Esme's voice shook me out of my thoughts as she stood before me.
I faintly shook my head, placing my hand on my stomach.
"Sorry. I'm just feeling a bit nauseous at the moment," I whispered.
I heard her gasp and I knew what she was going to ask me.
"Bella, please say you're not pregnant."
A tiny smile played on my lips as I went to reply.
"No, Esme, I'm not. I have an IUD."
Her relief was as loud as a herd of elephants. She placed a soft hand on my cheek and pulled me to her as though she sensed the same horrifying vibe that hung itself inside me like a body hanging from a noose. I tried to take her gesture as succor, but as hard as I tried, relief remained imprisoned.
Her soft murmur and shushes did nothing but grate on my already raw, overexposed nerves, and the feeling of wanting to push her off invaded me like a swarm of locusts on a fresh crop. I took several, loud, deep breaths before I tried speaking.
"Esme, please back away," I said with gritted teeth.
Silently, she backed away, but not before placing a stray strand of hair behind my ear. At once, after she removed her body from mine, I felt better, but only infinitesimally. The need for a cup of coffee became overbearing.
I rushed over, grabbed a plain white mug, and filled it, leaving room for cream and sugar. After two creams and two sugars, I took a long sip, never minding the scorching my tongue was taking alongside my esophagus. My stomach burned, telling me the hot fluid was in my belly. It only abated the nausea momentarily.
"How's the queasiness?" Esme asked.
"A smidge better," I answered as I walked over to the booth.
She cleared her throat, signaling for my attention, and I saw a toasted bagel with the same cream cheese on it held out before me. I kindly took it from her hands and placed it on my lap. I held the mug in one hand and ate my bagel with the other. After polishing off the bagel and downing two cups of coffee, I was feeling half way normal, even though the doomed feeling hadn't dissipated.
"Isabella, did you get any sleep last night?" a groggy, gravelly voice asked me from the doorway.
Esme and I looked over and saw Carlisle standing against the doorframe, shirtless and only wearing navy blue boxer briefs. He was a remarkable sight with firm, carved muscles and hardly any body fat. His skin was more on the olive side than his two sons were. His hair was messy when it was normally brushed back off his face.
I looked at Esme, noticing her hand on her chest and her deep inhale. After all these years of marriage, he still astounded her. He smirked loudly, giving her a sleepy grin. I felt as if I was imposing on a private moment before the searing pain of jealousy stabbed me. This was what I wanted, had always wanted, but knew I would never have it with the man I was with. Yet, I found myself cemented to him. The feeling was strange and unexplainable.
I cleared my throat, making them remember I was in the room. Both chuckled and apologized. Carlisle grabbed a cup of coffee, a bagel, a banana, and sat down in the booth across the table from me. He fired up his laptop and as he waited for it to load, he looked at me and smiled.
"So, Bella, are you looking forward to girl's day out?"
I laughed as a genuine smile stretched my lips.
"Yes, actually, I am."
"Good. I'm glad to hear that," he said as he clicked a few keys and messed with the mouse pad.
Esme stood beside me, patted my shoulder, and said we were almost to Atlanta. I finished my coffee and said I would be in the restroom getting dressed. I walked up front and plundered in one of my bags, finding my toothbrush and paste, antiperspirant, and lotion. In addition, I found a hair tie and a black headband.
There weren't any clean clothes in my bags on the bus. I would have to get some after we got to the club. On my way to the restroom, I saw everyone but Cullen waking up, and to my surprise, Rose and Alice were completely covered, no ass cheeks or boobs hanging out. Rosalie had her usual bitch face with her lip sneered and her eyes narrowed. I rolled my eyes, receiving an eye roll back from her. Alice yawned and patted my back as I walked past. I gave a cordial wave and entered the restroom.
Once inside and behind the closed door, I leaned against the wall, listening to the outside noise- the hum of the road underneath, the rumble of the bus, and the chatter of the others behind me in the lounge. Alice squawked because she burnt her tongue on the coffee. Rose was bitching about not having organic coffee. Emmett was grumbling about not having any eggs and bacon cooked, and Jasper was trying to calm Alice. Coming from the wall opposite me, soft snores from Cullen, whom I cared very deeply for, reverberated, still in a deep, drug-induced slumber.
After a few more minutes of collecting myself, I pushed away from the wall, setting my things on the counter. I tied my hair back and placed on the headband, and then proceeded to freshen myself up.
Pounding on the door and Emmett's bass voice hurried my examination of my face. What I did notice was light purplish-gray shading under my eyes. A few seconds after more pounding, Emmett threatened to punch through the door so he could unlock it. I sighed, gathered my things, and unlocked the door, walking out as he shoved his way past me.
A deep groan came from the restroom, along with "oh fuck, that feels good," letting us know that his pissing was verging on the edge of sexual pleasure. Everyone in the lounge erupted into laughter as I tucked my lips in to keep from doing the same thing.
When I reached up front to pack away the toiletries, Cullen was sitting on my couch, next to my bag, fixated on his computer. He looked up at me with eyes barely open and gave me a lazy smile, winking at the same time. He typed one last key and then reached for the armful of toiletries, offering to place them in the open bag beside him.
"I'm surprised to see you're awake," I said as I handed the items to him, kissing him chastely on the cheek.
"The sounds of running water woke me. Plus, I needed to get up. There's a whole list of errands I need to do," he answered, packing the items back in the bag, then placing it on the floor next to the couch.
I sat down beside him, curling my knees into my chest as I turned sideways to face him. From the corner of my eye, I saw his Gmail open, ready to send a message with the message box empty. He saw me quickly eying the screen.
"I have an old friend that's going to be with us tonight for my birthday celebration," he softly spoke, "and I'm just finalizing the plans with them."
"Okay," I sweetly stated while I leaned in as he leaned in, meeting his lips for a kiss.
He deepened the kiss, reaching up and palming the back of my head, pressing our mouths deeper together. I moaned into his mouth. He growled, moving his hand from my hair to my thigh, pulling it over his waist as his other arm circled around my back, drawing me closer to him.
A thud minutely interrupted the moment as I realized his computer had slid out of his lap and onto the floor. He must not have noticed it because both his hands moved to my ass, pulling me completely on him. I straddled his hips. We automatically, instinctually, ground into each other's groins.
Each time he pressed into me, I felt the dampness of my shorts. I so wanted to fuck, right there, on top of him. The wanting worsened when I felt his warm hand move under my black tank, making their way to my breasts. His thumb airily moved over my exuberant nipple, teasing it, making my libido scream with frustration.
Frustrated, I grasped the back of the couch, clenched my thighs on his hips, and rolled my hips rapidly and brutally over his hard cock through his jeans. This excited him, removing his hand from my breast, and immediately grabbed my ass cheeks again. He met each roll with a thrust.
We couldn't really fuck as the bus was getting closer to Atlanta, but I was determined to get off, find my release. As our tongues caressed, flicked, and slid back in, we were in the middle of the heaviest dry humping I'd ever experienced. His hands slid from my ass as his arm replaced his hand, which had encircled my waist, and lifted us up-gently laying me down on the couch with him nestled between my legs.
I moaned into his mouth as he lifted my right leg, placing it higher on the back of the couch, granting him access to my thin, pink shorts with nothing else underneath. His fingers danced down my inner thigh, grazing with fingertips. That movement only made me open my legs wider, if it was possible. I felt his lips spread into a smile against my mouth. I sighed into him, happily.
We nipped and easily bit against our lips, slipping in a grin or two. The moment he slipped his fingers, sliding them teasingly, under the centimeter thin fabric of my shorts, I shuddered- locking my eyes on his. They were hooded, a darker green than normal, and were serious.
My lip quivered and my breathing was ragged as I felt him ghost over my clit and my opening. Nothing changed for several minutes; my already screaming libido went to fever pitch, and then his mouth was like molten lava on mine as he curled his fingers in me and pressed his thumb on my clit, moving them in a slow then fast rhythm.
My hands, which had been planted on his hips, moved up his back, digging in my nails. A grumble moved from deep within him and poured out into me. It didn't stop, the grumbling or his hands. My brain was trying to make sense of an idea, but was clouded over with sex and the need for a release.
It didn't take long for the idea to come up - he needed a release, also. I slipped the button out of the hole on his jeans and slightly unzipped them. Once I had enough room, I slipped my hand in, instantly feeling the hardness of his cock. He groaned at just the feel of my grip on him. Just as I started to move my hand, his hips started moving.
Feeling him slide back and forth in my hand was exhilarating- the soft skin, the way it slid over the hard shaft, and the dribbling of fluid from out the head and onto my palm. We were lost in our manual stimulation, sighing, moaning, and slightly frantic. I was on the verge of coming, just on the precipice. I knew he was close, too.
His noises had grown louder as did my moans and sighs. My toes had started to curl under as my hand on his back dug in deeper. His thrusts were fast and quick. On the edge of our orgasms, a loud, irritated sigh coupled with a deep thud ricocheted, instantaneously breaking my connection with Cullen. His lips snarled against my cheek as anger shook his body.
Meekly, I looked over his shoulder and saw Jake leaning against the wall, one arm raised against the wall and another gripping his hip. I whispered to Cullen who it was. His response was a "fuck."
"Do you two mind not doing that when there's a big chance one of us will walk up and see?" Jake sneered.
Cullen quickly shot up, not caring that his cock was still hanging out, and pointed a finger in his bandmate's face.
"I will do whatever the fuck I feel like doing. If it's getting it on with my girl, that's what I'll do."
They stood several inches apart, Jake was statue-still while Cullen tucked himself back in his jeans then zipped and buttoned them back up. I straightened my clothing back into place and combed my fingers through my hair as I got up. Before I could reach them, Carlisle walked in.
"Jesus fucking Christ! Not you two again. This shit needs to stop. Now!"
He stood between them, grabbing their bare shoulders, breathing deeply and heavily. I took his son's hand and pulled him with me towards the direction of the lounge. He gave Jake a last parting look before turning to me, following me down the hallway to sounds of lively chatter.
C.
After the confrontation with Jake, Bella pulled me back to the lounge. Everyone sat around eating breakfast and talking about the day, the day Alice had planned for me - for my birthday. Even though my birthday wasn't until tomorrow, we had a show on my actual birthday, so celebrating the day before was better.
Esme tried pushing food onto me, but I was only hungry enough for a cup of coffee. I stood against the counter, watching everyone interact, and noticed when Bella sat down next to Alice and pulled one foot underneath her leg, there was a wet spot on the crotch of her tiny shorts. The site of her liquid arousal stirred my dick back to attention.
I wanted everyone to fade away, everyone but Bella and me. I wanted her laid out before me, legs spread far apart so I could see how aroused she was, so I could smell the heady, tangy odor, and feel the slippery, liquid silk. Those thoughts diminished quickly when I knew what was going to happen. I hoped she would forgive me, but it was what I wanted.
She made a comment about needing to get more clothes when we got to the club, not knowing we were going to the hotel. Alice correctly informed her. I noticed she found relief in knowing she could get a quick shower before heading out to start the girl's day out.
Bella seemed engrossed in conversation with Alice and Esme. Rose was being a bitch and not speaking to anyone. I drank the last black bitterness of the coffee, sat my cup in the sink, took one last look at her, and walked back up front. No one was up there as Jake and my father had come back to the lounge, so I was alone.
I pulled my laptop bag out, finding the yellow-papered notepad. I tried to find words to express to her, but everything I wanted to say from my own brain were silent. The words were there, always bubbling under the spider web thin surface. With no words of my own, I started to think of Irish poems. It didn't take long before one came to mind.
I wrote the words as if they were my own and hoped she would think of them when the events of later today began. All I had was hope and faith that these words would be enough. When I was done, I tore the paper from the notepad, folded it in three parts, and placed it in the little bag she used as a purse.
I sat back and sighed. I was a selfish bastard, a fucked up bastard, but this was what I wanted.
B.
Sitting in the deep soaking tub with my feet pressed against the white ceramic, toes playing with the faucet handles, I watched Cullen shower in the walk-in shower. Water ran in hundreds of rivulets down his pale, muscled body. His hands hugged the bar of soap as he washed his manhood. Even through the steam and water, I could see the bruises on his arm that was facing me. I closed my eyes while I was laying my head on the upper end of the tub and listened as the water splashed off his body and his deep voice hummed an unfamiliar melody.
A few moments later, I opened my eyes and reached behind me to grab my phone that laid on the edge of the bathroom counter behind me. I looked at the time, which read eight o'clock in the morning. I had been lying in the bathtub for thirty minutes. The tub was situated between two separate bathroom counters that had white marble tops with dark wood bottoms. The entire bathroom was white marble.
Carlisle had booked Cullen the Empire Suite at the St. Regis Atlanta Hotel. When I had walked in, I stopped and stood in shock. The room was fancier than the room in Portland or Dallas. It was bigger than the little house that I lived in with my father. I gathered myself when I felt Cullen's hand press into the hollow of my lower back while looking around to me. He smirked as his eyes playfully stared at me. A little, white haired man spooked me when he picked up my bags - the damn place came with a fucking butler.
Harry was his name and he left us alone, telling us to press a button if we needed him. The suite was done in hues of cream, taupe, and mineral green with sprays of fresh flowers strategically placed throughout. Floor-to-ceiling windows were in every room. All throughout the suite were crown moldings, handcrafted chandeliers, and macassar ebony furnishings.
Cullen found the place surrounded by French doors that opened out to small balconies. I was with him when we found the room with the piano that sat beside one of the French doors. I knew at some point he would be sitting in the room with the doors open, looking out over the balcony, playing piano.
The rest of the suite was made of two bedrooms, though we stayed in the master, a full kitchen, and dining room. Two sofas framed a fireplace in the main sitting area that opened out to the dining room. The master bedroom had a king bed with plush and luxurious bedding, mostly done in cream with accents of turquoise and gold. There was a cream colored settee at the foot of the bed.
The twenty-eight hundred square-foot suite had all the modern technology with Wi-Fi, an advanced sound system with an iPod sound dock, DVD player, a thirty-seven inch flat screen, and seventeen-inch LCD television behind the glass of the intelligent mirrors in the bathroom.
In my mind, it was all too much, but Carlisle wanted the best for his oldest, so no expense was too great.
I was staring at my cell phone screen, knowing I had to get out of the tub soon as our spa appointments were at nine. I had been lost in thought and didn't see Cullen standing over me, wrapped in a towel that hung low on his slim hips. His presence was made aware when his finger wiped a drop of water from my stimulated nipple. The water had turned cold.
I gasped at his touch, instinctively covering my breasts with my forearms while clutching my phone. The first area of flesh I noticed was the most recent bruise, clear of the dried flood. Quickly, I moved my eyes to his face. No emotions played across his face - a face that rivaled the beauty of Pagan gods. If he were a Pagan god, I imagined he would be Eros or Cupid; the same god except for one name was Greek as the other was Roman. I was definitely not Psyche to his Cupid, as Psyche was beyond beautiful to the point of men leaving the altars of Venus to come give honors to her. That was not me.
"Don't you need to be drying off and getting dressed?" he asked, emotionlessly.
I nodded. He stared a few seconds longer, and then grazed his fingers over my shoulder as he moved past me. I stayed in the cold water for a few minutes more, waiting for Cullen to leave the bathroom. The heated passion from earlier this morning was long gone and replaced with a distance that caused the dulled dread to soar to new heights. Whatever was going to happen was going to be soon.
I hoped the soft, plush white towel that I was drying off with would help calm the tossing and turning of my insides, but as seconds, minutes went by, the doom crept deeper and deeper. Wrapping the towel around my naked body, I padded into the bedroom and found myself alone.
The clock on the bedside table read a quarter past eight. Laid out on the bed were heather gray shorts with a wide waistband, a black camisole, a black demi bra and its matching black boy shorts. Cullen must've picked them out before getting in the shower. Looking down, I saw simple black flip-flops on the floor at the side of the bed. I smiled at the simple gesture, causing a minuscule flutter of happiness until the sinking depth of uneasiness pressed down harder, nearly bringing my breakfast back up to my throat.
Time wasn't on my side, so I swallowed back the darkness and proceeded to get dressed. My body went into autopilot. I didn't notice I was fully dressed, teeth brushed, hair dried and pulled back, and antiperspirant on when Alice skipped into the bedroom with Esme and Rosalie in tow.
All three stopped in the middle of the room, staring at me with expressions I couldn't read. I should've been worried as to what they saw when they walked in, but I couldn't muster the energy to care.
Alice slowly walked over to me with a hand extended out, lightly placing it on my shoulder when she came close enough. She searched my face, looking for answers or waiting for me to respond. I forced a smile, blinking back tears I didn't know were forming.
"Are you girls ready to go? I'm excited for today, even though I have no idea what to get Cullen for his birthday." I knew I sounded phony.
Esme went along with the act and smiled in return, while Alice turned to face Rosalie. I watched as the frigid bitch shrugged her shoulders and went back to acting bored. Something told me I shouldn't try to be her friend.
Alice flew back around, cupped my face, and placed a kiss on my cheek, smiling as she retreated. I felt arms move around my shoulders and saw Esme come into my periphery, smiling also. She leaned her head onto my temple and hugged me into her. A part of me wanted to sag my weight on her, but I didn't.
"Let's get going. There's a cab waiting outside for us," Alice interrupted.
I laughed and let Esme pull me away.
Cullen was busy out on the balcony off the living room typing away on his laptop. I kissed his cheek and he stroked my arm. Once again, I noticed paragraphs upon paragraphs typed out on the screen. Wrapping my arms around him from behind, I nuzzled into his neck, trying to sneak a look at the words. But my attempt at being sneaky was snuffed out - Cullen closed the computer.
I pulled my eyes away and lightly kissed up his neck, taking his earlobe in between my teeth and gently suckling it. He groaned and turned his face in towards mine, faintly brushing his lips on my mouth.
"Bella, you can enjoy foreplay when we get back this afternoon. Let's get going," Alice interrupted, demanding.
We both sighed and gave one last peck to one another. On parting, I patted his bare shoulder and grabbed my little purse on the way out, stuffing my phone inside. My hand grazed a folded piece of paper. Knowing I didn't put it in there, I looked back over at Cullen and faintly smiled. I would read it when I was alone. Maybe I would get a few moments at the spa.
We were given sage green terrycloth robes and spa flip-flops. I undressed last, wanting to take out Cullen's note and hide it. I stuffed it in the pocket of the robe.
"Bella, come on. They are waiting on us," Alice whined through the closed door.
I rolled my eyes as I smoothed my hair in place and walked towards the door. She yanked my hand, pulling me hard enough that I almost knocked her down. Esme giggled and Rosalie groaned.
"Bella, this is going to be so much fun," Alice squeaked like a mouse as she scrunched our hands into her chest and beamed at me with all teeth.
I nodded and looked at the little blonde waiting for us. Her nametag read Lauren. She was going to be my massage therapist. I kept my profession to myself until half pint blurted it out. For some reason, other therapists get nervous massaging other therapists. I told her I had just graduated school a month or so ago. She was only three months in.
The other three therapists were men - Royce, Laurent, and Peter. Rosalie had Royce, Esme had Laurent, and Alice had Peter. They walked up to the massage rooms. Each room was for couple massages - Esme and Alice went into one room and frigid bitch and I went into the other. Heavy, hunter green curtains that were opened at the beginning of the massages separated the room. Of course, I had to share my massage with Frosty.
Lauren informed me that after the massage I had a facial that included a body wrap, lunch, and then a pedicure that included all of us girls, as did the lunch. She went over the intake form that I had filled out upon my arrival and said I was signed up for a Swedish. That was fine, but I really wanted a Deep Tissue. I didn't say anything since I was coming here for free.
After she left, I hung my robe on the hook behind the door, got under the covers on the table, and laid face down. Before taking off the robe, I had tucked the note under the side of my boy shorts, so I pulled it out and opened it. In the flicker of candles, I read these sweet words.
"How beautiful, how beautiful you streamed upon my sight,
In glory and in grandeur, as a gorgeous sunset-light!
How softly, soul-subduing, fell your words upon mine ear,
Like low aerial music when some angel hovers near!
What tremulous, faint ecstasy to clasp your hand in mine,
Till the darkness fell upon me of a glory too divine!
The air around grew languid with our intermingled breath,
And in your beauty's shadow I sank motionless as death-
I only felt that life could give no joy like that again."
-'Corinne's Last Love-Song' by Lady Jane Wilde
Small tears streaked down my face, rolling down onto the table sheet. The words should have made me feel loved and wanted, but they only exacerbated the deeply imbedded doom.
When Lauren walked back in the room, I was sniffling and trying to dry the tears by rubbing my face against the covered face cradle. A soft touch on my back alerted me that she knew I was upset.
"Bella, is everything alright? Is something wrong?" She was kind and concerned.
There was a shitload wrong, but none of it I could share with her, so I made up an excuse.
"Oh yes. I'm fine. The pressure of laying face down stimulated my sinuses," I croaked.
A soft pat on my back said she understood, and then I felt her pulling back the covers, exposing my naked back. Scraping sounds and the noise of heavy fabric announced that Frosty and I were now beginning our massages.
"Royce, can you turn up the heat on the table? I'm freezing," she whined.
He complied dutifully.
Lauren placed a tissue under the face cradle with the aroma of vanilla, the scent I had picked out. It was also in the massage oil she used on me.
A few minutes into the massage, Frosty complained again. This time she was too warm. Then she didn't want oil anymore but lotion. Then the blanket was too heavy; the fragrance was too strong, and then his pressure was too light, then too much. I heard both therapists take deep, inward sighs. I balled my hands into fists.
While Rosalie bitched, I did everything I could not to concentrate on the sickening feeling churning within me. I thought about what color I wanted for my toes. I thought about what kind of salad I wanted for lunch and I thought about what I wanted to wear tonight. But nothing, nothing would take it away.
By the time I was turning over, I was swallowing back the rising bile. The bitter taste lay settled on the cusp of my throat. Lauren finished the dreadful massage with my feet. Between Frosty's incessant bitching and the sinking feeling, I hated the massage. It wasn't Lauren. She did everything she could to make it enjoyable and relaxing. I wanted nothing more than to get off the table, put the robe back on, and leave. I wanted to leave the whole damn place, go back to the hotel, and have Cullen hold me firmly against the wall and fuck me. Then have him tell me things were going to be okay and nothing horrendous would ever happen, but I knew that would be a lie. I felt the horrid event barreling down on me, suffocating me.
I lay lost in my thoughts until I heard the scraping of the curtains hooks, signifying I was closed off from the cold snake in the other room. His note felt heavy enclosed in my clutch, like holding a bowling ball. My lungs took several deep, slow breaths as I counted to three before getting up.
Once the robe was securely tied and the note was back safe in a pocket, I opened the door where I was greeted with a glass of ice water that had a lemon wedge tucked on the rim. The water felt good going down, making me notice how unaware I was of being parched.
Rosalie was already in the sitting room, flipping through a magazine while relaxing New Age music played. I took the chair opposite her, grabbing a magazine for myself. Her foot bounced out of rhythm as the music flowed. I sat my water on the table next to the chair and began flipping the pages, not really paying attention to what I was looking at. Frosty was deliberately ignoring me.
We sat that way the entire time before the happy chirping of Esme and Alice broke the silence. Alice bounced over to me, like a toddler holding a piece of candy, and flopped in the seat next to mine. Esme sat down next to Rose and asked how she liked her massage. She lied and said she loved it and it was the best she'd ever had. Unknowingly, I must've loudly huffed because I had three eyes staring at me.
"Bella, you okay?" Esme asked, nicely.
I sipped my water, dropping in the lemon wedge, and placed it back down. I nodded in response.
"Sorry, I just had a tickle in the back of my throat."
It seemed to be an acceptable answer as she went back to chatting with Frosty as Alice braced my arm and went back to chattering, excited about the facial and body wrap. I was happy about them, too. It would be me and the other person, who I did not know. People I didn't know were rapidly becoming my favorite people.
When I was wrapped up like a burrito for the body wrap and the esthetician started massaging my face, head, and neck, I was left alone in my thoughts, again. There was zero evidence as to why I should be feeling the way I was. Yes, Cullen had tons of emails and texts, and spent a lot of time on his computer, but it proved nothing - except there was that name, Josie. It bothered me, laid under my skin like an infection.
The facial and body wrap were enjoyable. We hardly spoke and when it was over, my skin felt incredible, all soft and silky. The only thing that bothered me was my hair. It was oily from the massage and it hung in stringy, oily ropes. Alice offered me a hair tie as hers was back off her face in a hair band. Of course, Frosty was walking around unscathed, looking like she was ready for a photo shoot to promote the spa. Esme fit in with Alice and I; her hair was in an oily ponytail too.
"Don't worry, I booked us a shampoo and style after the pedis," Alice whispered to me. I smirked and rested my head on top of hers. I was beginning to unwind, a little.
Our lunch was served in an open, airy room with a million windows to let in the hot June sunlight. Two of us had grilled chicken salads. Esme had grilled salmon with summer vegetables while Rosalie had a grilled cheeseburger with a ton of toppings and a plateful of French fries. All four of us drank our lemon water.
Out of the services we had, I enjoyed the pedicure the most. Even with Frosty sitting next to me, commandeering the nail techs steps. I picked a pretty berry color, hoping the cheerful color would perk my mood up. Alice picked black, Esme wanted a tropical orange color, and Frosty picked a pale, shimmery blue - like the sun reflecting off an iceberg.
Right after my feet were wrapped in paraffin wax, my phone buzzed with a text message from Cullen. The message said for me to come back to the suite as soon as possible. I replied that we had shopping still to do and asked what he wanted for his birthday. He said I didn't need to get him anything, he just wanted me to come back soon. A small flitter of butterflies circled in my tummy, making me produce a tiny smile.
Esme patted my hand, mimicking the same smile I had, and sighed. Frosty screeched higher than usual as she told the poor nail girl not to scrub the heel of her foot so hard. I looked at the girl's face and saw her lips moving, most likely telling herself what a cunt Rosalie was. Alice was reclined back with her eyes closed as if she was in a post orgasmic haze, and she probably was.
Twenty minutes later, our toes were done and the polish was dried, which meant we had our shampoo and style up next. We were escorted back to the changing rooms; I was the first one in. As I changed, I noticed the only article of clothing that wasn't black were the shorts. My clothing matched my mood. The note immediately was shoved back into my purse.
They walked in the same relaxing swagger, in unison. There were shops everywhere, but surprisingly, they skipped on buying clothing, as there was no room. Instead, they splurged on jewelry, none of it I could afford. All the trinkets and baubles twinkled, sparkled, and gleamed. All facets of color were nestled in settings in varying shapes and sizes.
In one of the cases, I saw a small star with tiny diamonds making up its sparkle. It was situated on a thin, clear cord-the jeweler said it was a floating necklace. The little price tag said the price was thirty dollars, on sale from seventy-five. I wanted it, so the girl behind the counter wrapped it up, put it in a small store bag, and I paid for it.
Alice had bought several pairs of hoop earrings, Frosty sported a huge emerald on her middle finger of her left hand, and Esme bought a simple gold chain. Alice and Rose saw The Cheesecake Factory, and stated that they were about to start their periods. Wonderful thing about having an IUD is no periods. Esme and I passed on getting cheesecake, so we walked into a music store that wasn't too far from the eatery. We both needed to get Cullen something for his birthday.
Once inside, I stared at the rows of guitars, noting the different sizes and shapes, and knew nothing of their differences. There were keyboards, drum kits, and various other instruments. Esme motioned over one of the sales associates named Peter, stating she wanted a top of the line acoustic guitar and its accessories.
Peter walked us over to the acoustic guitars and picked up a black one. Along its neck, where there were usually circles, were silver stars. Esme loved it. He showed us guitar picks in varying colors, strings, and other items. I picked up a pack of black picks and walked over to a rack that had books on how to play certain famous songs or of famous bands. I picked out a songbooks from Motley Crue and oddly enough, HIM. Next to the rack were shelves with composition books, so I grabbed a couple of them. I had finished birthday shopping for Cullen.
After Esme and I paid for his gifts, we found Rose and Alice waiting outside the store eating their slices of cheesecake with shopping bags from The Cheesecake Factory. Alice had bought New York cheesecakes for Esme and me. Rose had gotten Emmett a caramel one.
Esme looked at her watch and saw it was going on three o'clock. She wanted to head back to the hotel to relax a bit before tonight. I wanted that as well as did the other girls. Rose hailed a cab and we drove off towards the hotel.
I was the last to get off the elevator as the other three got off on the same floor. As I walked towards the door to the suite, I dug into my purse looking for the keycard, and finding it at the bottom. The walk to the door seemed never ending as every centimeter I walked, my stomach dropped lower and the urge to vomit increased. I knew whatever had been giving me the sickening feeling for the last couple of weeks would be coming at me very soon.
When I reached the door to our suite, I saw a "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging from the handle. Something about it seemed odd but not too out of the ordinary. One of the guys from the band or crew could have possibly knocked on the door. I slipped the keycard through the scanner and got a red flash, so I slipped it through again. After several tries, several red flashes, and several aggravated sighs, I knocked on the door.
The door opened and as I was about to walk in, a tall, leggy girl with long brown hair stood in my way, wearing a short, pink silk robe that was tied at the waist. I looked up from her perfectly French manicured feet, long pale legs, manicured hands, and finally ending at her porcelain smooth face. Her lips were slightly full, a bit red and swollen. Her nose was slender with a slight slope, and her eyes were a slate blue with lines of baby blue running out from the pupils. Overall, she was exquisite and I had no idea who the hell she was.
She moved out of the way when I was done perusing her, so I could walk into the suite. I placed my purse on the table beside the door, along with my bags. We both remained silent. I was dumbfounded and wanted to find a toilet to vomit up my lunch. She stood with her hands on her hips, waiting for me to make a move. I knew who had the answers.
I ran from the entrance area to living room, and he wasn't in there. I checked on the balcony, no sign. My stomach and every nerve ending felt as if they were trying to escape my body via my mouth. I knew if I stood still I would be shaking. My brain knew which room he was in; I just didn't want to acknowledge it. I searched every room, stalling.
Finally, when I could no longer take it, I went to the master bedroom. Lying on his side on the massive bed, shirtless, I found him cutting white lines of powder. Coke. His feet were bare, but his jeans were intact. He looked up at me, smirking. Behind him, the bed looked the same as this morning when I left. Soft padding sounds entering the room alerted me to her.
She walked around and stood on the side of the bed, watching Cullen make six perfectly straight lines. My thoughts settled on no particular idea; they all raced together at warp speed. It felt as if millions of ants were crawling on my skin. And I could no longer take the silence, but she spoke before I could.
"You must be Bella. I'm Tanya, although most know me as Josie. My middle name is Josephine."
Her voice was calm and cheerful as if the situation was nothing out of the ordinary. I felt my jaw hinges move. I could say nothing. I wanted to so badly. Cullen moved off the bed carrying the black tray, moving towards me.
My feet were planted. Nothing on me moved. He watched me as a predator watches its prey. When he was in front of me, he sat the tray on the end of the bed and cupped the right side of my face. The smooth pad of his thumb stroked across my skin. He whispered about how soft I felt.
Before I knew, he was standing completely before me, holding both sides of my face, and drawing me towards his lips. His lips and breath tasted and smelled sweet, like wine. He softly kissed me, holding me in place by moving one hand to underneath my hair and the other to the small of my back.
We pressed together. The air from his nose lightly blew across my cheeks. He pulled away, moving to my ear where he suckled gently, and then moving to my neck, placing soft open-mouthed kisses. As he moved across my neck to the other side, I tried to keep a hold of my nerves, but they were slowly unraveling as was the knot in my stomach. The tight, wadded knot that had taken up residence came undone easily. All I felt was my need for him.
His hand on my lower back had moved lower into the waistband of my shorts as he now stroked my ass and moving lower to the edge of the boy shorts, trying to slip a finger underneath, leading into the crotch area. With a few twists of his fingers, he was sliding between my legs, easily finding my opening.
I moaned into his neck, clutching on the tops of his shoulders as his tongue slid up and down my neck. He moved back up to my mouth and placed a soft kiss. I leaned my forehead against his, closing my eyes. As his fingers deliciously tortured me, he finally spoke.
"This is what I want…for my birthday. Please," he whispered pleadingly.
On the surface, I had no idea what he wanted, but subconsciously I knew. I didn't want to acknowledge it. He kissed my forehead and then turned to move out my way, taking his fingers away and rubbing them on his jeans. With his right hand, he motioned to the black tray sitting on the bed with the six white lines on them - two for each of us.
Everything was gone, lost. I knew nothing of what happened earlier or what was to come later. I only knew of the now. This is what he wanted from me as a gift. As much as I might want to run away, I know I will give him anything he wants.
I bent over, grabbed the segment of plastic straw and inhaled slowly my two lines. While I did that, Cullen had moved behind me and pulled down my shorts - keeping my boy shorts on.
Standing back up, I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it on top my shorts as I slipped out of my shoes. I watched as he removed his jeans, pushing them with his bare feet over to my pile. He gently pushed me aside so he could bend down and snort his two lines, pushing the tray towards her.
He took my hand and guided me to the other side of the bed, offering to help me up. I looked up and saw Tanya was lying on the bed with nothing on except for pale pink panties. Her nipples were a soft pink and budded. She was perfect. Cullen nudged me. I let go a breath I hadn't known I had been holding and climbed up on the bed. My mind and body zinged with the high from the coke as one hand clasped around my right hand as another softly caressed my ass and thigh while they murmured words into my neck.