Chapter 22
The exams were upon them; and Jade was delighted to start off with Arithmancy. Though she had not studied for the last term or so, her knowledge was well above the level being examined; and had been for a considerable while. She calculated with aplomb the maxima and minima for the brewing of an unnamed potion according to formulae that affected it through freshness of ingredients and made a note at the bottom of her calculations – rather a waspish note – that a potioneer would judge better by feel and appearance how to brew Felix and that the Arithmancy could only ever be a guide. Then she calculated the best route to take from one place to another and concluded that the second route, the second shortest, was the best because it was an exact number of wizarding miles and was therefore divisible by seven factorial that would make the use of geomantic shift easier, whilst noting that the other route was the shortest; next she wrote an essay on the uses of Wenlock numbers in modern Arithmancy. Since she also included the uses in chanting she went well beyond what the examiner was looking for; and it should be pointed out that a slightly bemused Czech examiner wrote to Severus Snape to ask for confirmation that Wenlock numbers were indeed used extensively in chanting.
The next section was a series of short questions involving such things as working out counter curses, the way to determine the location of the leg of a splinched wizard and the best time for a given witch and wizard to get married, at which Jade abandoned seriousness for levity and wrote 'before the baby arrives'. She already had enough to get an 'O' grade she knew unless she mucked up the last question; another long one involving a number of factors, being the working necessary to open up a section of wizarding space and the concealment of it behind a wall as a new shopping and transport centre in Berlin. Jade thought it a piece of cake and amused herself to fill in time by adding her own additions such as the calculations for a direct transference node to various other major cities and the lodge of Durmstrang.
Since Jade mentioned this to Madam Bacsó later and since Agata was now seriously ready to interfere in German policy, this became the basis for a revolutionary transport proposal later that year.
After Arithmancy came potions.
The European system required the brewing of a long potion over as long as it took earlier in the term as part of the practical to check that the students had staying power; and their Professor and Head both required to certificate that they had received no help. Jade had been delighted that the potion had been Veritaserum, a potion she knew well and had helped her father to brew. Veritaserum took a full moon cycle to mature; and the class had set it up before the holidays ended to be sure of having plenty of time to complete it; and the potions were locked away between the times the students were working on them. Since Clovis Gierek had become a more friendly figure it was a convivial enough class; and only Lazlo and Bertel were having any trouble, although that was nothing unusual. Their potions were still faintly cloudy when decanted.
The actual practical, shorter than the English NEWT for this reason, involved brewing the antidote to veritaserum. Jade wrote out Golapott on general principles and noted that under certain circumstances, as Veritaserum could increase in strength over time if kept in an environment over eighty-five degrees Fahrenheit Golapott's second law became relevant. She also added a quite unnecessary arithmantic note of how long varying doses of the antidote – up to the limit of the safe levels – should be taken before anticipating being given Veritaserum, by way of a prophylactic.
She enjoyed the written exam; the first section required identifying a number of potions from description and writing in what, if anything, was required to complete them; the second section covered the brewing of Felix Felicis and its pitfalls; and the final section was a number of short paragraph style questions on general principles and laws such as Golapott's three laws. A final question asked 'what is the most commonly used law in potioneering?' to which Jade wrote;
"Snape's first law; when dealing with twelve year olds, the little dunderheads will choose the moment to let their wits go wandering at the point at which they can produce the loudest, smelliest or most toxic disaster from their cauldrons."
They had probably wanted Golapott's first law; but they got Jade's opinion instead, and any examiner who had ever taught would probably credit her with some marks!
Nobody apart from Cacilia had enjoyed the exam as much as Jade, even Gierek bemoaning the need to identify potions from description not sight and actual smell.
"It's to cover what happens if you get asked to identify something in a hurry by floo or owl" said Jade "I thought they were all quite straight forward; especially the Amortentia with the description 'it smells pleasant to YOU and silver spirals rise from it'; either one of those descriptives gives it away straight off."
"Oh is THAT what is was?" said Lazlo "I thought it was a rum thing to say, 'it smells pleasant to YOU', I thought how the hell does he know what smells pleasant to me?"
"Of course Amortentia smells of whatever the brewer – or anyone who sniffs it – finds pleasant" said Jade. "Which can be revealing to those people who are in love and haven't realised it because it's bound to involve things about the person that attracts them."
"What was the third one?" asked Gierek.
"Wolfbane right before you throw in the moonstone" said Jade "Smells like dogbreath, looks like liquid dog turd; after the moonstone it goes clear and colourless."
"Ah! Of course!" said Gierek "It becomes obsolete though, with a cure, no?"
"It does; at least to some extent" said Jade "But as the serum that creates the cure is made of the blood of those who have taken the original cure or rather the second stage cure it's in limited supply so I guess knowing Wolfbane is going to be relevant for a while."
"What was the original cure?"
"A youth of sixteen who had pledged support for a child born of an absconding werewolf father pledged to undertake a blood ritual to give her his blood while he took blood replenishing potions" said Jade "Their blood was used first for the first experimental cures, with additions and proper potioneering applications; and that caused a painful cure. It was found to be less painful when the blood of one werewolf was used in a familial context. A number of people formed a blood ritual group with a cured werewolf and his blood was used and was found to be sufficiently reduced in pain that the chance of dying of shock was reduced to near nil"
"THAT much pain? The original testers were bloody heroes!" said Gierek.
"I AM rather proud of my husband" said Jade. "His blood in my stepdaughter proved that familial connection could help."
"You're Jade Snape, aren't you? And you're part of the blood ritual that made the serum? Tell me, did you use the blood magic stuff to win the Triwizard?" demanded Gierek.
"Yes I am, yes I am, and no I didn't. I don't cheat; cheating cheapens one's own efforts" said Jade.
He nodded.
"That's a reason I can accept more than any protestations of it being wrong; you don't compromise your performance" he said.
"By the way, did you ever perfect your potion to turn people into pigs?" asked Bertel.
Jade pulled a face.
"What with ODESSA I haven't quite got there; I have most of the ingredients and I've set up a brewing; I'm basing methodology on Polyjuice potion because Circe wrote about it taking a while to set up some of the ingredients and a flaming nuisance to have them available for only a small part of the year; so I reckoned that lacewings stewed for twenty-one days was probably a part of it."
"But Polyjuice potion causes problems that need proper medical attention if you get fur in it" said Traudl. "Heinrich thought it would be funny to keep one of the fags tied up and use polyjuice potion to spy on them; and the kid he picked – it was Axel actually – had stroked a cat and some of its fur got in the potion and Thom – he made Thom take it – had to be sorted out by Professor Rebet."
"Yes; obviously. But I'm not using polyjuice potion; only the methodology for it and some ingredients" said Jade patiently. "And I fancy you'd have to research the ingredients for every animal change separately. I'm also brewing Mandragora as an antidote for whichever volunteers want to try it at the end of term; and then I suggest we poison all the first years with it and see if anyone notices the difference."
As she winked when she said that, even Traudl laughed.
The next exam was the four hour paper of Ancient Runes.
As one of the pieces was the short section of Bactrian logograms found in the text book that they had done original research on, Jade reckoned the whole class must be laughing! Norse runes featured heavily and Jade realised as she started one translation that she was transcribing Egil Skalagrimsson's prophylactic against poison; and wrote with facility and ease. The early Aryan symbols were a bit harder but Jade had worked hard on them and soon had translated that passage.
The ZH was a tough exam; and the final question was a phrase in German; 'circles within circles turns the world around me'; and the instruction to translate it into Norse Runes and any two other runic forms of the examinee's choice. Jade had little difficulty since this was what she did routinely for chanted measures; and produced her other two translations in Gaelic written in Oghams and in Ancient Greek.
She then reworked each of them for a second translation that was a freer translation to keep the spirit and to be, as she noted, better for use if it was to be used in either time or place affecting ritual. The Gaelic loaned itself particularly well to the phrase because of the Celtic concept of the wheel of life; and the Greeks too venerated the circle as a pure shape. Jade suspected that the choice of language dictated some of the marks and made notes about why she had chosen them.
She had almost certainly written far more than she needed; but then, Jade was busy making herself a leading authority on Ancient Runes without actually realising that she was doing so.
Jade liked studying ancient runes; and Traudl and Bertel threatened to scrag her for claiming it was a nice relaxing paper.
The Transfiguration exam consisted of three long essays and a short paper; the first long essay was on the theory of summoning; and as usual Jade wrote too much at a level well beyond ZH, referencing Jade Snape in 'Transfiguration Today' because it tickled her sense of humour to do so. The second was on assimilative correlation, on which Jade was also well away; and the third called for explanations on the reasons for Gamp's exceptions. Jade enjoyed it; and if the rest of her class did not exactly enjoy it, at least the debates they had had with Jade, and the extra work Jade had done with such as Franziska and Volodya meant that they answered all the long questions with more aplomb than they might have otherwise done.
The short questions were easy enough, Jade thought, and were probably there to test if the student knew enough to scrape an 'A' even if unable to formulate a high level argument in the long questions.
"I liked that" said Jade to her group "I think it was actually tougher than the NEWT; if it's typical I think I'll write to the English exam board and complain that we've been devalued."
"I'm told that the English have a harder practical so it may be balanced that way" said Cacilia.
"Oh well, after lunch we'll see" said Jade.
Jade discovered that the practical was significantly easier than the English practical; candidates were given a slip of paper ten minutes ahead of time with just two practical tests on it; to perform a summoning spell of their choice; and to make a transfiguration non-animus to animate from a choice of a fiddle, a rock, and a china piggy-bank. The transfiguration from non-animus to animate was presented at this level as being more advanced than the other way round; though it was relatively easy to restore an animal one had made into something. Jade pondered on doing the fiddle to cat transfiguration that was the most difficult in this group; or whether to be entirely unconventional and use assimilative correlation by nomenclature and take the rock into Roc rather than – as was expected, she suspected – taking it into tortoise by use of assimilative correlation by association.
She smiled brightly at the examiner when she was called.
"I shall be using assimilative correlation by nomenclature" she said "Because Der Felsen is named in English 'rock, R-O-C-K' and I will therefore associate that with the mythical beast, the Roc."
"But it doesn't exist!" said the examiner.
Jade smiled brightly.
"Then it will be a test of my transfigurational skills to see if I can produce a creature that exists purely in myth, won't it?" she said.
If the examiner had banned this outright, Jade had decided to comply; but he looked nervous, nodded, and suggested standing at a safe distance from the transfiguration.
Jade explained that she was taking this difficult transfiguration through the intermediate stage of seeing the rock as an egg for the monstrous bird and the examiner nodded approval.
And then the egg appeared briefly, hatched and grew to adult proportions of the kind of Roc mentioned in the stories of Sinbad the sailor.
"My word, they ARE big" said Jade mildly.
"Turn it back!" said the examiner in real – and not unreasonable – panic.
"Actually it's against my ethics to take away awareness once given; but I guess it can't live as that" said Jade. "I guess association is the key….." and she promptly turned the Roc into a hippogriff and went to bow to it, absently summoning a dead rat from the end of her wand and giving it enough substance of permanence to feed her new pet.
With this level of transfiguration the temperature in the great hall had dropped considerably; and the examiner watched in wonder.
Jade turned to him with a smile as the hippogriff devoured the rat.
"And now the summoning?" she said.
"You have summoned the rat for the hippogriff very adequately" said the examiner.
"Oh, were you going to count that? I thought that was just an incidental" said Jade "Of course I laid permanency on it so it counted as food; one can get round Gamp's exceptions with a little ingenuity. I was going to do something a little more intricate."
"MORE intricate than permanencing a creature? Very well" said the examiner.
Jade produced a bunch of Severia from the end of her wand, the lower end wrapped in peat and held in a net with a ribbon around the stalks; and the beautiful scent filled the Hall.
"This is Severia; it was created some years ago in England by Krait Malfoy Snape and has healing properties. I put roots on it so you can plant it; it needs to be spread about as it has many virtues" said Jade.
"It – the flower is plain but the scent is wonderful!" said the examiner. "Yes; a much more subtle and intricate summoning to use such a powerful scent; and permanenced?"
"Of course" said Jade. "If I was you I'd put it out of where you can't smell it when you grade me; it tends to put one into a good mood."
"That, young lady, is the most remarkably honest thing I have ever come across in all my years examining" said the examiner. "Very well; take the bunch through to the anteroom and ask an elf to take care of it for me."
Jade did so; leading the hippogriff out and summoned an elf to lead the hippogriff to the stables and take care of the examiner's flowers.
"All right, now I'm confused; I had you down for turning the fiddle into a cat" said Franziska. "Where does a hippogriff come from? I can't follow the assimilative correlation of that at all; I didn't even know you could transfigure into fantastic beasts!"
Jade grinned.
"Actually, he's the transfiguration from my transfiguration" she said; and told them what she had done.
"Talk about having the cheek of the devil!" said Cacilia.
"She is incredible!" said Franziska.
"I did piggy bank to guinea pig" said Volodya "Which I thought was a little less obvious and worth a few more marks."
Thom Bilkvam was scowling; he had turned the piggy bank into a pig and had not thought of guinea pig.
"I did fiddle to cat" said Mereta Ulvang "It is the most advanced; you will lose marks for choosing the rock; I will be the only 'O' student."
"And that goes to prove that you've missed the point and are only a ZH level student" said Jade scornfully. She did not like Mereta, who may not have joined Nachtigall's gang but who was a patronising and sneering girl convinced of her own academic superiority; rather like Fenella Fenwick without the saving grace of good intentions as Jade described her to herself. "You perform mechanically; but you cannot do anything new. The examiner was excited to see if a non-existent mythical beast could be made of pure magic. And I bet you didn't permanence whatever you summoned either."
"Why should I? The test is to summon."
Jade groaned.
"You poor sap! You can't ever look beyond the basic, can you? You'll get your 'O' – but you'll never learn more until you unlearn your by-the-book attitude!"
"You are rude."
"And you are not for second-guessing the examiner and trying to put me down? You make me sick, Ulvang; you have no vices but nor do you have any virtues. Go away; I find you boring. You have no ambition or drive to learn further."
"There are no higher exams than ZH; what are you talking about?" said Ulvang.
"Most people call it 'life' said Jade dryly "And that's what research is all about; the sort of things that get written about in 'Transfiguration Today'; that you probably take and fail to understand the subtleties. You probably didn't even understand Jade Snape's article."
Ulvang flushed; she had not understood much of it but as there had been favourable comment from other transfigurationists did not like to pooh-pooh it.
Jade's words were further reinforced as Attila Nagy bounced into the room and kissed her on both cheeks.
"Ah, but you were right to drop my class to teach; there is nothing I can teach you, nothing! You are a true transfigurationist, the only true transfigurationist I have ever taught!"
"But Professor, she chose the rock; the most marks go to the fiddle!" said Ulvang.
Nagy turned to her in impatience.
"Have you learned nothing, you stupid girl?" he cried "The highest marks go to the most complex transfiguration! Fiddle to cat is harder than rock to tortoise; but the use of English nomenclature; ah, that is brilliant, just brilliant! Fraulein Von Strang has the feel, the instinct; you are very good so far as you go, Fraulein Ulvang, but you are a mechanic, you go through the motions! You FEEL no more than that rock! Ah, I have this day been privileged, privileged!" he kissed Jade again and bounced off.
"He's so very suddenly" said Jade.
"And devastatingly honest" said Cacilia "Which isn't kind to Ulvang but then she did rather bring it on herself by making fatuous comments at him."
Ulvang was looking shocked and not a little devastated.
"Well, I'm sorry but I can't waste sympathy on Ulvang" said Jade "She's always sneering at people and it's been detrimental to their studies. Let her fester in her own little world of limitations."
"Here here" said Volodya, who had suffered enough from Mereta's sneers.
"Hey, Volodya, are you going to ask your parents to pay for a year of post-ZH study at Prince Peak?" asked Jade "If you learned Chanting intensively and music in magic, you could come back and teach here."
Volodya looked thoughtful.
"It would be a way to have a career using music" he said "I have never fancied being a performer; I will speak to them."
The Dark Arts exam was next. Jade was more nervous for her students than she was for herself; and shook hands with them all; except Thom Billkvam who refused her proffered hand.
The written paper contained questions on the unforgivable curses and on what methods might be used to curse wounds into being incurable; and on a number of curses and their specific effects. Jade wrote knowledgably; and went on to answer questions on dark creatures. The nature of dementors and werewolves were well known to her, and huorns more than anyone in Durmstrang! Jade did not find it hard though she did find the emphasis on making curses rather than breaking them a little disturbing.
"How did you find it?" she asked her class.
"Easier than I expected" said Franziska.
"Easy" said Clovis.
"Not bad" said Traudl.
"Straightforward" said Ritter.
Thom Billkvam and Stepanka Frolika just shrugged; but they had chosen to sulk about being taught by another student and Jade could not be bothered with their prima donna behaviour.
The practical was after lunch; and Jade was last as she had been in Transfiguration for her surname.
The form was not the same as in the English Defence Against the Dark Arts, which was a direct duel; Jade knew she was expected to demonstrate the unforgivable curses on rats; and the class had been given a week to produce a cursed item. Jade had made hers to at least be of some use.
They had also to demonstrate the most advanced curse they knew.
"The most advanced curse I know is the production of a horcrux so I shan't use that since murdering the examiner is a little counter productive" said Jade, smiling brightly.
It was the bright smile rather than the mention of a horcrux that made the examiner pale.
"Very well; you had better demonstrate what else you can do" he said.
Jade smiled again and pulled out the chant she had used on Schrempf. It was easily far more advanced than anything any of the others would be able to do.
When she had released the shaken examiner he asked,
"Did you learn that one from Herr Hesse? I cannot see Fraulein Schrempf knowing it."
"Oh no sir; I made it up as I went along to cast on Hedda Schrempf when she tried to cast the cruciatus curse on me" said Jade. "I didn't like her."
"Are you the young lady who reduced her to the state of being a vegetable?"
"Yes; she was trying to kill my fag. Madam Bacsó has exonerated me of any blame. I jerked her ghost out of her body; I made a mistake and left the body living" said Jade coldly. "You may find her ghost in the forest; I set fire to it to burn for eternity. I doubt she can explain how I did it though" she added "Being permanently on fire is a little distracting."
The examiner shuddered.
"You appear to be a very talented young lady; though I hear you are part English?"
"I was reared English" said Jade "In England I was taught that if you start anything you should be thorough and carry it through. Schrempf believed that because the English study defensive arts that we are incapable of offensive actions. That was a bad mistake."
"Apparently; will you demonstrate the unforgivable curses on these rats?"
Jade regarded him thoughtfully.
"As an English girl I am a sentimentalist and cannot bear cruelty to animals" she said "It is not a fair test; I will demonstrate the Imperious Curse and the Cruciatus Curse on you as examiner. I will reserve the killing curse for a rat. Then you may better grade me for my willpower; any idiot can control an animal with the imperious curse."
Which saying she made the examiner stand on one leg and dance the waltz; then released him from that and said quietly,
"Crucio" without much emphasis; gave him time to attempt to counter; and released him. "You did not counter it; why was that, sir?" she asked.
He stared.
"COUNTER?" he said "There is no counter, surely?"
"Then the English system is proved superior; for I can defend as well as attack" said Jade "If you will cast the curse on me I will demonstrate."
The agony of the cruciatus curse washed her; and Jade forced her will to put up shield charm and nullify pain as a simultaneous spell. She rose from her knees where the initial agony had driven her and nodded to the examiner.
"Like that" she said. "One casts wordless and wandless because the concentration to speak as well as cast is a little difficult. A combination of finite cruciatum and the shield charm. Easy enough."
He was shaken.
"Let – let us see you deal with the rat" he said.
Jade glanced at a rat of her choice and in a flash of green light the creature died.
"Sorry; I forgot to use my wand" she said laconically. "The incantation is avada kedavra if one troubles to use it; the unforgivable curses are so simple one scarcely after all needs wand or word for them; hardly worth working up a sweat for."
The examiner was thinking, these English are terrible!
"I should like to see your cursed item" he said.
Jade handed over the simple belt.
Gritting his teeth, the examiner put it on.
The pain! He screamed!
Jade watched impassively. She had known that one of the castle elves was nearing her time and hoped to have got her timing right; for the belt transferred the pain to the wearer.
"The effect is to remove all the negative aspects of giving birth from the nearest female who is doing so; transferring them instead to the wearer of the belt to give the female in question a better chance of survival" said she, in the impersonal tone she used to lecture. "The pain does no lasting harm to the wearer of the belt; I am not sure if it truly counts as a cursed item, but there seemed no point cursing an item without it having some practical point. Wherein is the point of cursing someone just for the sake of it? It is a waste of magical skill and ability" she said. "If more men had such belts they'd be a little bit more careful about how often they got their wives pregnant. I'll leave you to enjoy it; as I'm last anyway."
"No!" he howled "Take it off me!" his own hands could not undo the buckle; that was part of the curse too.
"Why?" said Jade "You are fulfilling a useful function; I'm sure the unfortunate woman giving birth would prefer you to keep it on. After all, she's suffering the physical damage that you are not."
"PLEASE!" he cried "I swear I shall let my wife use contraceptive herbs!"
"Well for that I'm prepared to let you off it" said Jade and undid the belt. She then buckled it around her own waist and regarded him snakily, hiding the agony as it hit her, passing it off to those of her group who were not pregnant. "Men make such a fuss about a little pain" she added and walked out.
"You made the examiner scream a lot" commented Ritter.
"He didn't like my cursed item; this belt. That I AM using blood magic to deal with; it's currently passing the pains of an elf woman birthing in the kitchens."
"It is their function" said Gierek.
"Oh? Are YOU brave enough to experience it?" asked Jade "If so, you'll have to undo the belt; part of the curse is that I can't."
"All right" said Gierek, undoing the buckle and doing the belt up around him. He promptly went grey. "Donner und Blitzen!" he gasped "Women must do this to have babies?"
"For hour after hour" said Jade "And no midwifery spells for the likes of elves or goblins; no wonder many are born sickly. And internal tearing to the mother often too; elves have outsize heads and the mothers are damaged more than humans, though elf babies are born with elongated heads to help this. The pain is about of the level I recall birthing Ralph; who was quick and only took seven hours to arrive."
"Seven hours? I'll never get a woman pregnant!" swore Gierek.
"The results are worth it; I don't regret the pain for Ralph" said Jade "Use pain dulling potions and midwifery spells and use contraceptive herbs to allow her body to recover between each child; three years is recommended. Now I'm off to deliver that elf baby properly; someone take the belt off Clovis."
"Huh; I can take it" said Gierek "I'd not choose to go to school with elves or goblins or mudbloods but they have their place in society; and if the elf dies it diminishes our servants here."
"Pass it around" said Jade "It'll drop once I've gotten midwifery spells on her."
With that she apparated directly to the birthing elf and proceeded to take over, casting pain diminishing spells and easing spells to help draw the baby out more smoothly and easily; and soon the baby elf was in her arms, and she was smoothing his head into shape.
And she stripped off one of her socks and gave it to the baby to hold; to the gasps of the female elves present.
"He can seek for me for paid employment when he is old enough" said Jade. "As is no shame! And you must take him to England at some point when you are recovered; unless you have been one to run message?"
"No mistress; but I have heard of it!" said the tired little elf "Please, mistress, why did the pain stop before you came?"
Jade laughed.
"Because Herr Gierek agreed to wear a belt I made that took the pain onto himself" she said "He is brave for a male creature; and worthy of being given honour."
"Oh I do honour him for it!" cried the little elf.
Jade grinned; and left her. The little creature would do all she could to show her appreciation to Gierek before he left school; and if he got sufficiently attached to her, Jade planned to suggest that he give her a sock and pay her to work for him.
The last person she would have considered using to help free elves; but then she had not expected him to pull out such an argument as that even despised races should be given aid.
Gierek was deep!