Chapter 6

Three and a half years ago

"Is she okay?" Dean asked as he starred at Cas. They were school and Dean had not been able to reach Cas since he had gotten home from his road trip with Sam and found his phone on his bed. He had tried to call and text Cas, but never got an answer. Then today he got to school and he had heard from Jo that Ellen was in the hospital. Dean was so upset. He couldn't understand why Cas hadn't called and why he seemed to be avoiding him when he obviously was not having an easy time.

So Dean had skipped his last class of the day to wait outside of Cas's. He needed to talk to him and seeing that he seemed to be avoiding him, he figured that this was the best way to see him. So here they were outside the classroom, in a crowed hallway. Dean stared at Castiel and he wished nothing more than to pull Cas into a hug.

Alas he knew that was not an option; at least not in public. There was too much that needed to be said, too much that would only be said in private. So Dean grabbed Castiel by the arm tugging him towards the parking lot. At first Castiel struggled against Dean, but eventually he stopped struggling. He knew that they needed to talk and he knew that he could trust Dean, he always did.

Dean dragged him to his impala and stop as he reached the passenger's side. He turned towards Cas, his eyes strong.

"Cas please come with me we need to talk…I need to hear your voice… I can't take you avoiding me. So please just let me listen…" Dean's voice was low and clearly only intended for Castiel's ears. Castiel's heart ached at the way that Dean was so close to him, he only wanted to tell Dean the whole story.

He wanted to tell him about how Sam threatened him, how he feared that Sam would harm him if needed be, but he knew that he could not tell him this and still keep his friendship. His bond Sam was too strong, he could not and would not break the only other relationship that Dean had, despite the fact that Sam was lying.

Cas nodded his head as Dean stared at him for his answer, "Ok" Cas's voice murmured as he reached for the door and slid into the impala. Dean let out a sigh of relief as he made his way around the impala and climbed into the driver's seat.

The car was silent as Dean was driving. He was trying to find a quiet place for them to sit and talk where they could be alone; where Cas would feel comfortable talking with Dean whatever had built up.

He decided to take him to the one place he felt safe; it was isolated in the country and away from the city. He decided to take him to his favorite spot out in the country. He pulled up to a country road's dead end.

All he could see was the field that led to the small forest just beyond. Cas raised an eyebrow; he climbed out of the impala and gave Dean a confused look.

Dean chuckled because he had never taken Cas here; it has always been his place. He came here often after his mother died. He would sit in the grass watching the clouds, watching the world move on with out her. He felt at peace here and was sure that Cas could too.

"Here …" Dean said as he offered his hand to Cas. At first Cas seemed hesitant but quickly took his hand. He slowly led them further into the valley. He stopped, as he was far enough in that he could no longer see his car and he knew that they were truly alone. He sat on the grass and tugged on Cas to encourage him to do the same.

Soon they sat in the grass. Dean turned so he was facing Cas. "Look Cas, I know that I wasn't there this past weekend. If I knew I…" Dean was cut off as Cas interrupted him.

"I know Dean" Cas offered a half smile. His heart felt like it was gonna break how was he supposed to make Dean believe everything was fine.

"I didn't mean to avoid you, I just didn't... I just thought it would be better if I was by myself for a while…" Dean's face contorted into complete confusion as he starred at Castiel's blue eyes. They seemed sad and he knew that there was more to the story.

"Cas. Please don't do this… don't push me away….I know that this is difficult. I lost my mom too…I hated the person that took her… I still do…but you are not alone…please." He felt like a teenage girl as he pleaded with Cas, but he would not lose Cas too. He would not be pushed away. Cas sighed as he looked away from Dean. When he spoke his voice was firm but soft.

" I am not pushing you away because I want to. I just I can't count on you being there all the time. I have to be able to face this… I have to protect Jo… I have to…to" Cas's voice faded as he was unexpectedly pulled into the warmest hug he had ever had. He felt Dean's protective arms around him. He could feel his breath and he hated himself for caving into Sam. He just felt that Sam would always be there; watching and waiting.

Cas slowly let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes as he leaned into Dean. Dean just held on tight as he realized that Cas was his pillar and could not let him be so alone. He would not watch him try to burden this on his own.

"Listen Cas… I don't know why you wont tell me the whole truth… but I wont push it. Just know that no matter what, I am here and I am not gonna let you do this alone. I promise."'

As dean finished Castiel opened his eyes and let out a tear as he felt too many emotions to handle. He did not know what was gonna happen but he knew that he has and always has had feelings for Dean, because of moments like this. For that he decided that he couldn't just give up. He had every right to love who he chose even if they didn't feel the same, even if others did not approve.

He needed Dean and at that moment he didn't care about what anyone thought he just clung onto Dean as he listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat. He soon fell asleep forgetting about the world, he needed to just let it all go for a short time and he did, in Dean's arm he let it all go.

Present day

Castiel entered his apartment, it was quiet and seemed abandoned. He hoped that Jo was not home, he needed to be alone and he knew she would not let him; she was stubborn just like Ellen. He was about to enter the hallway that led to his room when he heard Jo.

"Cas? You okay?" Her voice motherly causing him to stop in his tracks and he knew that she would know no matter what he did. So he simply turned around to look her in the eyes. He offered her a small smile.

" You were right Jo. I was wrong. I just need to be alone okay?" His eyes almost begging her to just let him go to his room and deal with it. Jo shook her head as she approached her brother and best friend.

"Cas I know you and I think that you should talk to me. Come on we can talk in the living room." She pulled walked over to the coach and sat down. Castiel reluctantly sat beside her. "So he didn't give you what you wanted to hear huh?" Her voice was full of sympathy.

"No… I don't know what to do… Jo how am I supposed to make this right if he doesn't want that as well? Jo what do I do?" Cas said as he stared at the wall in front of him. Jo laid her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know… and to tell the truth I don't really care for him… what he did to you, what he let happen…"

"Jo…"Cas tried to cut her off but if Jo wanted to say something then there was no way to stop her.

"No Cas don't… I know that he is important to you. So just remember that whatever he said, whatever he did, I don't think he meant it. I think that he had to choose between you and his brother and that has clouded his perception. It doesn't mean it is right, but if you can't let go, then don't give up.."

Her voice trailed as she stared up at her brother. She always knew how much he loved Dean and she also found out about Sam. She hated them both but she once knew Dean too and she knew that if anyone could change his mind it was her brother.

"Jo… thank you" Castiel said as they just sat there in each other's company as Cas felt the despair he felt earlier begin to dissipate. Hope was all he had and he had to have faith in that. He would fight for Dean till he could no longer fight because there was a hole in his life that would not let him be.

Dean sat on his bed, closing his cell phone as his door opened and Sam 's figure filled the entranceway, a smile on his face. He walked over towards Dean and sat next to him. His face was sincere as he tried to offer Dean some comfort.

"Look I know something has made you upset…" Sam voice died as he gave Dean what many have come to know as his best puppy dig eyes. Dean glanced at him, his spirits slightly raised. His brother always could get to him, he could always make him feel better.

"Sammy it's nothing. I just don't think you should have invited Castiel to the party that's all…" Dean said trying to sound hardened. He had turned away from his brother's gaze as Sam continued to stare at him. It was almost as if he were searching for something.

"Dean, don't worry about him. We already have a way to take care of him…" Sam seemed proud as he ended his statement. Shock ran through Dean as he struggled with the fact that he knew that Sam didn't approve of Cas. He should have known how far that hatred went. If only he had known…

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